


Equilibration

by eliniel, lakesideminuet



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Consensual Sex, F/M, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Hurt/Comfort, POV Alternating, Sexual Content, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:15:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 40
Words: 221,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25732690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliniel/pseuds/eliniel, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lakesideminuet/pseuds/lakesideminuet
Summary: When Emet-Selch discovers the truth of the Warrior of Light's soul, he resolves to do what he can to save her soul, no matter what it takes.An AU that takes place during the Shadowbringers storyline.
Relationships: Solus zos Galvus | Emet-Selch/Warrior of Light
Comments: 411
Kudos: 649





	1. Warrior of Light

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to the release of our new fic! Crystal and I are very excited to _finally_ be able to share it with you (and a year from the date we started publishing Will of a Star, no less!) We really hope you enjoy this one too! Updates will take place on MWF.
> 
>  **Equilibration Stage One:** Satisfied with mode of thought and in a state of equilibrium

With a heavy mind, I headed towards the Pendants for the night, seeking the comfort and quiet of my inn room after the incredibly long day I’d had.

I remembered clearly the look on Alisaie’s face when Tesleen threw herself in front of the sin eater to protect the child and earned a sword in her back… Then turned into an eater herself…

Tesleen’s last words before she flew off to Twelve only knew where haunted my mind, sending chills up my spine.

_ Forgive me, Alisaie. _

Forgive  _ her _ .

I sighed as I began climbing the stairs towards my room, stretching my neck from side to side and rolling my aching shoulder as I moved, trying to loosen up my tense muscles. 

But when I passed the restaurant outside the inn, a flash of braided, silver hair gave me pause and I turned to find the twin sitting at the bar, fingers wrapped around a large tankard of ale. I watched her for a few long moments as she stared down at the liquid, eyes puffy and lined with red. 

Those around her bustled about, laughing and joking with each other as she sat there alone, outside anyone’s notice, chin trembling. She leaned forward against the counter, covering her eyes as her jaw clenched, the tears for her fallen friend threatening to resurface now that she was all by herself with nothing to distract her.

With a longing glance toward my room, I headed for the poor girl instead, forcing a smile to my mouth for her sake. 

“Aren’t you a little young to go this route?” I teased her as I leaned against the bar, attempting to lighten her mood. She looked up at the sound of my voice, her expression unamused, but the water from her eyes thankfully disappeared. I shrugged when she didn’t respond. “I’m surprised they even serve you here.”

“I’m older here, remember?” she muttered with a huff. “Been here almost a year.”

I hummed my distaste, crossing my arms over my chest. She examined my face for a moment before clicking her tongue in annoyance and looking down again.

“Can’t you leave me to drink myself to death?” she asked me, then lifted the cup to her lips. “I deserve it, anyway.” With a furrowed brow, I quickly put my hand overtop the rim, blocking her from taking a drink.

“Why would you  _ ever _ think that?” With a frustrated sigh, she dropped the ale back onto the counter, the liquid sloshing over the edges of the cup and splashing onto the counter.

“It’s all my fault, isn’t it?” Alisaie asked with a shake of her head. “I let her- She turned and I didn’t-”

Her voice broke then, and I watched her begin to crumble into a million pieces, tears of my own threatening to surface as I watched the despair fill her eyes. I swallowed them back, putting my hand on her shoulder and squeezed. 

“Look at me,” I ordered her. When she refused, I reached to forcibly lift her chin and she finally met my gaze. “This is  _ not _ your fault.”

The twin clicked her tongue and pulled her wet face out of my hand, her sudden anger at my words radiating in the air as she roughly wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“What would you know?”

I narrowed my eyes, her stinging words clearly uttered with the intent to hurt.

“What  _ could _ you have possibly done?” I asked, trying to make her think logically. She shrugged, averting her eyes to the counter. 

“Alisaie,” I said, sternly. She grabbed the cup again and with a roll of her eyes, turned her back to me. I crossed my arms over my chest and huffed an unamused laugh, waiting for a response- anything. When she continued to ignore me, I dropped my arms and roughly yanked out the stool that was next to her. “If you want to be stubborn, fine, but at the very least, I won’t let you drink alone.”

She looked over her shoulder, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye as I motioned for the bartender to bring me the same as she had and dropped myself onto the seat. She visibly relaxed when she realized I would not stop her.

As soon as it was set down in front of me, I lifted the mug to my lips and drank half in one breath. I watched as she spun towards me, her eyes wide. I raised an eyebrow as I drank, then lowered the ale back to the counter and inhaled deeply.

“What?” I began between breaths. “Did you think I abstained or something? Being a hero doesn’t mean I’m a prude.” I nodded my head to her drink. “Let’s go. It’s not a permanent solution, but for tonight, it will do and tomorrow we will endeavor to find a better way to remember her.”

Finally, she breathed a laugh and nodded, then knocked her cup against mine and downed what was left. 

A while and many drinks later- I couldn’t be sure exactly how long or how many- I stood behind Alisaie, loudly egging her on as she sat at a table, arm-wrestling with a man who was very clearly stronger than she. They had garnered quite the crowd as they battled- he may have out-matched her in physical prowess, but, even as intoxicated as she was, she had the strength of mind and focus that made bravery waver in battle. 

I leaned forward and watched as she stared her opponent down, unblinking, their clasped hands straight up in the air at an impasse. 

His arm shook with exertion, his eyes rapidly going between their hands and the smug expression on the twin’s face. 

She gritted her teeth, her arm growing tired as well, but continued holding firm.

Those that stood around us were becoming boisterous, cheering for who they wanted to win, myself included. 

“Alisaie, Alisaie!” I chanted above them, a smile spreading across my lips as her arm slowly began pressing down on his. 

Very suddenly, someone was pushed forward, stumbling into the table. Tankards of ale that were sitting on its surface pitched to the side, the liquid splashing me and the twin, cries of surprise and disgust escaping us, her concentration breaking in an instant. The man quickly overpowered her with a grunt, twisting her arm so her knuckles hit the table. 

A silence stretched between the both of us as we stared in shock at her hand, flat against the wood, the cold brew soaked into our clothes and dripping off our faces. 

“What-what jus’-”

A moment later, uncontrollable laughter clawed its way up my throat and I started giggling until my sides began to ache.

“Your face-” 

Her opponent smirked at her and stood, nearly imperceptibly nodding to the man who had just bumped into the table and cost her the win, but she noticed. 

“You-!”

Alisaie stood, quickly, her chair scraping against the wood floor and reached for the rapier at her side. I moved out of the way in an instant, trying to calm my laughing.

“Al-Alis-,” I tried between giggles, placing my hand on her arm. “It’s not worth-”

“D-did you jus’ call me Alis?” she asked, her demeanor changing to amusement as she quickly forgot her anger and watched me, my merriment infectious to her.

“Sorry,” I said, lifting my hand to wipe the forming tears in my eyes. “I couldn’t-”

“What in the blazing Hell is going on here?” Lyna’s voice demanded above the crowd as she pushed her way to the fore, still in her guard uniform. She placed her hands on her hips, eyeing us both, unamused as movement and sound in the bar died down.

I snorted through my nose at the seriousness of her expression and the rigidity of her stance, then spun towards Alisaie again to hide my face, immediately coughing to mask the laugh. 

I heard her armor  _ clink _ as she took a step forward.

“I think you’ve both had quite enough,” she said, wrapping a hand around each of our arms. Alisaie looked at me and rolled her eyes. 

“Oh yeah,” she mocked as my chest shook with another chuckle. “‘Cause you’d be the best judge of that. Like you know the first thing about either of us.”

Lyna sighed sharply through her nose and tried to haul us away.

“Hey!” Alisaie cried, her voice turning high and shrill as I stumbled next to her, my feet getting tied under me, the viera stronger than I expected. She tried pawing at Lyna’s fingers, using her fingernails to try to get the guard to let go, but her gauntlets were much too thick to have any effect. “Lemme go!”

“You’re causing a scene,” the viera responded, quietly tightening her grip. “The locals are one thing, but you are both  _ honored _ guests of the Crystal Exarch and I very much doubt he would be impressed by your behavior.”

“You’re causin’ a scene!” Alisaie tried to shake Lyna off again, her words of protest only getting louder as I tried to bite my own tongue. With a frustrated groan, the viera pushed me down onto a stool at the bar.

“Stay right here,” she instructed me, her index finger in my face. “I’ll take her to her room and be back for you.” I smiled sheepishly at her and nodded.

“Yes, master,” I retorted. With an exasperated shake of her head, she turned back to the twin, wrapping an arm around her back and tried to lead her back to the inn.

“Come on,” Lyna ordered as she tried to twist and turn out of her grasp.

“Noo,” Alisaie whined. “I don’t wanna go yet!”

“I don’t care.”

“You’re not the boss o’ me.”

“No, but someone’s got to watch your backside for you since you seem rather incapable.”

“What are you, my mother?” 

“I think you would hate for me to be your mother, child.”

“I ain’t a  _ child _ .”

“Then perhaps you should stop acting petulant.”

They finally turned the corner and out of sight. I pouted but spun around to face the counter again with a sigh. 

This time, however, there was a man next to me. I examined him closely- well, as closely as I could with the buzz of the alcohol running through my veins.

He was rather attractive, I had to admit as I sucked my lip in between my teeth. Tall...well-built. Even under all those layers, I could tell he was quite muscular… And gods, it had been a while since... 

But that thing on his forehead...looked awfully familiar. I furrowed my brow and tilted my head as I released my lip, then leaned into him for a closer look, finger outstretched to touch-

“Can I help you?” he asked, now looking at me curiously with one brow quirked. He caught my wrist in his gloved hand before I was able to touch him. 

“Aren’t-Aren’t you a Garlean?” I frowned as he visibly tensed. “However did you get here?” I sat back, my arm sliding out of his hand, mind running in fast circles though never really landing anywhere. “Are there Garleans on the First?” I put a finger to my mouth as I thought. “I guess since  _ everything _ here has a different name, they wouldn’t be-”

“No, there are no Garleans on the First,” he said sharply, releasing my wrist, and my eyebrows shot up. I straightened. The very fact that he  _ knew _ what I was talking about was confirmation enough.

“So you are-”

“Enough of that.” I thought I heard a snap of fingers somewhere, but immediately my hand became heavy and my attention was diverted. When I turned, it was wrapped around a full cup of ale and my brow furrowed once more. 

Did I-? When-?

“Your ale has arrived. You’d better drink it before it gets warm.”

“I-” 

“What brings you here?” he asked me, quickly. I paused for a moment, gaping at the cup, my mind trying to catch up.

“W-Well, I guess…” I sighed, my thoughts going back to today’s events, my mood taking a quick turn. “I guess I just needed a distraction after-”

“No, no,” he interrupted me once again, waving his hand in my face. A fleeting, annoyed thought told me to bite it, but I held back, pursing my lips instead. “Not  _ here _ to drown in your sorrow. To the First.”

I set my drink down and folded my arms on top of the counter. 

“You’re from the Source, too?”

“We’ve established that Garleans do not exist upon the First, have we not?”

“So, you are, then?” He rolled his eyes.

“Am I?” He scoffed and leaned one elbow on the bar, his unusually golden eyes examining me up and down. “And what of you? Are _ you  _ from the Source?”

I opened my mouth to answer him but stopped for a moment in hesitation. Should I really be telling my secrets to a complete stranger? I looked over to him again, patiently waiting for my response. 

I took a large swallow of my ale.

But, if he was from the Source...

A moment later, my mouth made the decision for me before I was able to stop it.

“Yes, I come from the Source.” He tilted his head, hand going to his chin as his full attention seemed to hone in on me. 

“And are you able to return to it?”

“Hmm,” I hummed thoughtfully. “ _ I _ can, yes. But only me. The Scions- my friends- can’t. Their souls are stuck here while their bodies are back home, but I’m here in the flesh.”

“The Scions? Are you not a Scion, then?”

_ Why _ was I telling him  _ all of this _ ? I could smack myself.

“Well, I guess...technically I am? They never  _ officially _ inducted me, but I’ve been with them ever since I became the, uh…” I paused, clearing my throat.

“Yes?” he inquired when I did not continue. I huffed a laugh. 

Did I really wish to tell who exactly  _ who _ I was? Surely, he would know immediately once I confessed. But, would my mouth cooperate?

“Nothing.” An internal sigh of relief. “I suppose I’m not  _ really _ a part of any organization. I just kind of...do my own thing, though it  _ usually _ coincides with what they’re doing, too.” My fingers traced the rim of my cup, the liquid inside rippling with the slight movement. A sad smile spread across my lips and I sighed. “I guess that’s one thing about being on the First that I really enjoy,” I admitted, quietly. “You have  _ no idea _ who I am. I’m anonymous here. At least for a while.”

“Oh? You’re well-known on the Source?” the stranger asked me, leaning his cheek on the back of his hand as he watched me with fascination.

“I’d rather not go into that just yet.” I nodded in his direction. “If you don’t start drinking, I’m going to begin to think you’re only here to get answers out of me,” I teased. “So, I won’t answer anything else until you have-”

I heard another snap and quite suddenly, an identical tankard appeared in front of him. I furrowed my brow, blinking rapidly as I watched it happen. 

Surely, I was just imagining- How much had I had to drink?

Had I blacked out for a moment?

He took a long swig before setting it down again and leaned closer to me.

“What brings you to the First?” he probed. I looked at him in confusion for a moment, still taken aback, but the second I locked eyes with him, my body seemed to relax. 

Like melted gold-

My entire body tingled.

“I uh…,” I started, breaking our eye contact and averting my gaze, heat rising to my cheeks. “I suppose… I was brought here to restore night to the First, though I believe it goes deeper than that.” I paused again, looking at him out of the corner of my eyes. He was looking at me, expectantly.

I frowned at his expression. Should I really be confiding this much into this man? He was from the Source, he said, and if that was true, how on earth did he end up here? 

No matter how hesitant I felt, however, I seemed drawn to him in a way I didn’t often feel and my mouth just kept spewing words-

“I just… If I don’t bring back the darkness, there will be so much death and destruction… You couldn’t even imagine the scale.” I frowned into my cup again. “I can’t know for  _ sure _ , but I suspect the same, bothersome, Zodiark-worshipping-” I sighed, deeply. I was rambling, more to myself than to him, but I knew he had heard me when he chuckled. “I’m sorry, it’s all just so very annoying, but I am likely the only person in the  _ universe _ who can face them in battle...so here I am.”

“So,” he began, amusement in his voice. “You intend to stop these allegedly annoying, Zodiark-worshipping, bringers of death and destruction on your own?” I pursed my lips.

“Well...yes. If I’m the only one who can, I suppose I must, right? That’s what heroes do, isn’t it?” He straightened at that  _ word _ and I bristled a little. He opened his mouth, not doubt to inquire, but I waved my hand in dismissal. “Of course, the Scions would help. To the best of their ability.” I closed my hand around my tankard again, taking a deep drink before continuing. 

“From what I understand, there were...three of them in charge, and I killed one.”

Stop it.  _ Stop it _ , I admonished myself. 

“How are you sure the one you killed was one of the leaders?”

“Mm,” I hummed. “I killed two of the subordinates already, and they were much easier to handle. He was  _ definitely _ one of the  _ top brass _ , though I suppose  _ kill _ isn’t the precise word I should use. I weakened him, for sure, but someone else took the  _ actual _ kill.” He tilted his head at me, a smug smile tugging at his lips.

“Did you ever confirm he was one of those in charge? Assumptions are a very dangerous thing, hero. It can get you into a lot of trouble.” I frowned at his use of  _ that word _ , but shrugged.

“I’ve handled it before and I’ll do it again.”

“How foolishly confident of you.”

I clicked my tongue and rolled my eyes. “Can we talk about something else?” I polished off the end of the ale. His brows shot up in surprise.

“You don’t seem to much care for your current status as a so-called hero.”

“It’s-” I sighed heavily, sagging in my seat. “It’s just not what I expected my life to be like.”

“You sound quite frustrated about it.” I nodded slowly.

“It’s busy. Always on the move. No time to myself. No time to  _ truly _ connect with others.” He looked away from me, then, amber eyes examining the wood of the counter before he huffed a laugh. 

“I imagine that must be terribly lonely for you,” he started. “Believe it or not, I completely understand. I, too, have been on an incredibly long journey, trying to right the wrongs done to my people.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but closed it quickly, for once unsure of what to say. No one had ever...tried to understand what I was feeling, yet alone  _ did _ understand. Was this man, whoever he was, a hero in his own right?

What...wrongs had been done to him?

He watched me curiously as I tried to form my thoughts into words.

“I’m-I’m sorry,” I said when I realized he was waiting for me. “No one’s ever...everyone always just expects me to-”

“Nod and smile and pretend nothing is the matter, I’d imagine. Be ready to come at their beck and call when they need your help.” 

My mouth parted as I tried to sort through my turning mind. He nodded with a small smile that did not reach his eyes when he took in my expression. He  _ knew _ . He  _ truly _ understood, judging by the look on his face. No wonder I was so drawn to him.

But...a  _ Garlean _ ?

He leaned in close to me, hand reaching to toy with a lock of my hair, winding it around his finger. I inhaled sharply at his sudden closeness and his smile turned amused at my reaction.

“You could always do something about it,” he said, suggestively, voice barely above a whisper. “That loneliness of yours.” I averted my eyes from his, looking down at my lap.

“What time do I have for a relationship?” He clicked his tongue at me, fingers releasing my hair and going under my chin, prompting me to look up.

“I said nothing of a  _ relationship _ , hero. A body to warm your bed for a night can be just as-”

Without thinking, I closed the space between us, pressing my lips to his. He tensed for a moment, then his hand tightened around my chin as he reciprocated. 

Gods, his mouth was so soft, his hand warm on my face-

Then, the sobering thought hit me.

Oh  _ hells _ . 

_ What was I doing? _

I broke away from him. 

“I’m- I am  _ so _ sorry,” I insisted. He smirked at me as he leaned back against the bar again and I felt my face heat up. “I shouldn’t have- I don’t normally-” I let out a frustrated sigh. “I’m the Warrior of Light for Twelve sakes- no, the Warrior of Darkness? I-”

I placed a hand over my eyes and groaned. “I think Lyna was right. I should probably go to bed.” Next to me, the stranger breathed a laugh.

“No need to be embarrassed,” he chuckled. “Perhaps...we can continue at another time when you’re less...inebriated, hero.” I paused and lowered my hand, looking at him out of the corner of my eye. 

“I’m-” I sighed and relaxed with a nod, a small smile crossing my lips. “I think I’d like that, but I don’t want to make any promises. I’m nearly  _ always _ busy, but  _ if _ we do see each other again-”

“Oh, we will. You can count on it,” he said, confidently, eyes examining me once more. “Sooner than you’d like, I’d imagine.” He nodded towards the door. “Go on, then, scurry back to your friends,  _ Warrior of Light _ .”

Before I could decipher his words, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to find Lyna, looking quite exhausted.

“So sorry I took so long,” she sighed, dropping onto the stool on my other side. “I nearly had to wrestle that girl into her room. I do hope you managed to stay out of trouble while I was away.”

“Yes,” I started with a nod, turning back to the man I had just been conversing with. “I was just talking to-”

The seat was vacant. I furrowed my brow. 

“Did-did you happen to see the Garlean that was sitting here?”

“What is a Garlean?” the guard scoffed. “I’m entirely unfamiliar with the phrase.” With a sigh, I slid off my stool, the viera following. “There was no one there when I entered. I think you must have had so much to drink you’re hallucinating.” She yawned, sliding her hand around my arm again and started leading me out. “Come on, let’s get you to bed so that I may have my own rest.”

“Mm,” I hummed, gaze travelling back towards the empty stool again. “I suppose you’re right.”

I followed her without further argument.

When I woke in the morning, head pounding and slightly disoriented, I could barely remember what I had done the night before.

But I did recall seeing vivid amber eyes, the color of melting gold.


	2. Emet-Selch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, everyone! I'm so glad to see so many familiar names in the comments! Thank you for reading again to those of you returning from WoaS, and those who are new, welcome! We really hope you enjoy this story as much as we've enjoyed writing it. We originally started this as a fleeting thought of 'what if one single thing changed in the MSQ and how would it snowball from there?'. It wasn't even meant to be a serious fic, but a 40 chapter AU fic later, here we are.
> 
> Lastly, I just started my second year of med school so while I promise to do my VERY best to adhere to the posting schedule I may fall behind on some days. Sorry in advance if it ever happens and I appreciate all of your patience! Okay, I'm done rambling. Onwards! - Crystal (lakesideminuet)

When I set out to resume my investigation of the mysterious arrival of Source inhabitants on the First, the very last soul I expected to catch from the corner of my eyes had been _hers._

Hydaelyn’s chosen, the Warrior of Light.

A mildly irritating development, and very likely to be troublesome. 

And for some inexplicable reason, I felt I should take advantage of her state and approach her. While I was regrettably not able to glean more information from her about the nature or purpose of her extraction from the Source, I took solace in the fact that she was, at the very least, fascinating. And forthcoming, though I was sure _some_ of her ease was the work of the ale. 

Aside from her vague comments that she was here to try to interrupt our work done upon this shard, she revealed that her _friends_ were unable to leave the First. And while I would want nothing more than to take advantage of this… their actions upon this shard were reason enough for me to remain here. 

But _how_ were they here?

I could only guess that this Crystal Exarch I had been attempting to learn about while wandering the Crystarium had a hand in her arrival. Just as he likely had been involved in the arrival of the Scions, given their frequent interactions. 

When I had first sat beside her after her inebriated companion had been dragged away, I had not expected the conversation to be as fruitful as it had been.

But I had learned a great deal from our short interaction, most significantly that she was able to freely travel between the shard and the Source. If such travel was coupled with a means of communication, it meant that her presence upon the First meant little for those on the Source who would benefit from her absence.

She could simply go back when she was summoned. Making her more problematic than ever before, especially if she was able to swoop in heroically within a moment’s notice regardless of whether it’s the First or the Source that requires her aid.

How to stay ahead of them, I wonder? If I were to find the opening, if I were to approach her once more, would she perhaps confide in me again? Would she expose her vulnerabilities to me without the alcohol in her system to hamper her judgement? 

I needed more information. I needed clarifications. I needed to gauge just how much they knew and just what the plan of the Scions of the Seventh Dawn was so that I could appropriately adjust my plans. In order to secure the conditions needed for the Rejoining.

Could I take advantage of her apparent attraction to me, perhaps? She had not yet discussed her meeting with me with any of her friends or grown suspicious of me. It could prove beneficial, and at the very least it would be entertaining.

But until I could separate her from her friend… I would instead have to continue to watch from the shadows. 

“Together with the Exarch,” the young elezen explained after a long-winded rambling about an apparent vision their friend had regarding the upcoming Rejoining. “We’ve developed a theory as to how we believe the Rejoining will be set in motion.”

I immediately perked up at the words, the previous bits of the conversation carrying little more than conjecture or information that I had known they would discover. Some of which I had even planted for them to do so, with the intent that it would continue to fuel the flames of conflict, continue the Source on the path of a war between Eorzea and Garlemald.

He went on to explain that they had theorized that the process required both worlds to face an existential threat. The sin eaters being the threat upon the First, which was _partially_ correct, to their credit. He had come to Eulmore in search of answers, and I couldn’t help but smirk at the assumption.

All they would find in Eulmore was an overgrown child, and they certainly would obtain no answers of their liking from him. Which could serve as a boon for me, if I played my cards correctly…

And so, they set out to attempt to gain entrance to the city, though their means of said entry had been pilfered by a quick-fingered feline.

Much to my bewilderment, they allowed him to _keep_ it. Though he did not seem nearly as astute as the young elezen, which meant ere long, he would slip up and expose himself as a fraud. How ironic that in attempting to help him, they instead had sentenced him to an inevitable death.

“We strive to bring swift salvation to this world, that countless lives might be saved—not least your own,” her friend said sadly. “Even if it came at the cost of one man, should I have forged on regardless…?”

I nearly rolled my eyes from where I watched from my position nearby. _Yes_ , I wanted to reply in the hero’s stead. One fragmented life compared to that which belonged to their champion seemed an easy decision to make. He was weak-minded and soft. Not that I was surprised.

Yet somehow, they still managed to find their way through the gates and into the city. As an artist and his assistant. Which meant she would be at his side for the indeterminate future while he fulfilled his role as a painter for-

“And so I wondered, rather than her being in your way, might it then be permissible for my assistant to explore the city she has so longed to see?” the elezen asked, his cunningness impressive, even to me. And then, the half-witted citizens of Eulmore who had requested his services seemed to accept his explanation and allowed it.

Free roam of the city. To explore as she saw fit. Alone.

I watched as she roamed the city, as she spoke to the citizens and discovered information about how the society functioned, about the norms of Eulmore that had been established with the world being on the brink of destruction.

A singer with a lost voice. An ascension arranged by her master, believed to be a glorious thing when it was anything but.

Somehow, she seemed to understand the subtext. Somehow realized the truth, though it had not yet been confirmed. As she turned a corner and began walking down a relatively empty hallway, her eyes locked on the flooring as she considered that which had learned, I materialized from the shadows and walked towards her slowly, my pace lazy, though her gaze snapped up when she felt my presence.

She had good instincts about her, it would seem, though she did not appear to know how to interpret that which she sensed. Good to know, and definitely cause for me to proceed more carefully.

“Well, well,” I started, a slow smirk crossing my lips. “Imagine my surprise when I return to Eulmore, only to hear of newcomers from Gatetown, one of whom matches your description perfectly. If I didn’t know any better, I would suspect you were following me, hero.”

She paused in her tracks, her brows raised high on her forehead as her mouth hung open in her surprise. “It’s… it’s you,” she stammered as I eventually came to a stop before her, one of my brows raising as well at her lack of composure. “I knew I didn’t-”

“Yes, it’s nice to see you again as well, Warrior of Light,” I remarked dryly when she faltered mid-sentence, the grin never leaving my expression, and she narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms across her chest. “Though I cannot help but wonder, how _did_ you get through the gates?”

She hesitated before lowering her arms, one hand coming to rest on her hip as she shifted her weight onto one leg. “As a fellow resident of the Source, I could ask you the same question,” she murmured as my grin widened. Clever girl.

“Oh, _please_ ,” I scoffed. “Surely I pass for a Eulmoran.” She raised a brow. “Perhaps if you squint?”

Her expression remained steady, her gaze locked on mine before I finally clicked my tongue, rolling my eyes. 

“Very well,” I acquiesced with a sigh. “I am… an architect of sorts. And thus explains my usefulness to the gluttons who dwell within these walls. But I am curious what they could possibly do with a combatant such as yourself.”

She pondered my explanation, her eyes roaming my expression for a moment before she appeared to relax slightly, apparently accepting my words for at least partial truth. It was not outside the realm of possibility in her mind, I supposed, for a Garlean to be versed in architecture.

“My friend has been brought from Gatetown as a painter,” she explained. “I am his… muse.”

I raised a brow at her explanation, though I had already known how she gained entry. She had opted for the truth. 

“Should you not be at his side then?” I asked nonchalantly. “As his muse?”

She seemed to bristle at my words, her body immediately tense once more. “ _Not_ that I need to justify myself to you, seeing as I do not even know your _name_ ,” she began, her tone mildly defensive to match her change in posture and a grin spread slowly across my lips that only seemed to further her discomfort. “But I have been given leave to explore the city.”

“Have you?” I asked, tone laced with mirth. “Interesting. As far as my name, you will know it when the time is right. Which is decidedly not at present.”

Her eyes narrowed once more and I broke our eye contact to look around the hallway, gesturing vaguely to our surroundings. “I wonder if you will be as forthcoming in your current state,” I mused aloud. “What brings you to this repulsive city?”

A moment of silence.

“What brings _you_ here?” she asked, voice full of suspicion to match my amusement. I returned my gaze to her slowly.

“So… no then? Not nearly as loose-lipped?” I sighed dramatically, crossing my arms over my chest. “A pity, truly. I quite enjoyed our previous conversation.”

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Did you? From what little I remember, you seemed impatient.”

“I am flattered that you deigned to remember me at all given the _condition_ you were in,” I teased and her cheeks flushed slightly. “But yes, hero. I did.”

I paused, taking a step towards her to close the small distance between us, leaning down closer to her, smirking when her breath hitched slightly. “Particularly the end,” I murmured, my eyes deliberately flicking down towards her lips.

Her cheeks went a deep red and she cleared her throat, leaning away from me before taking a step back as she suddenly busied herself with straightening her top. Finally, she exhaled a deep breath and looked in my direction once more. 

“You’ve asked me a great deal of questions, Garlean,” she mumbled, her gaze not quite meeting my own. 

“I have, and I cannot help but notice that most have been left unanswered.”

“Yes,” she nodded, clearing her throat yet again as she tried to regain her composure. “Well, that’s because this… _relationship_ of ours is imbalanced.”

“Oh, is that so?” I mused, the laugh clear in my voice. “Well, go on then. Ask your questions. I will see if I deem them worth answering. Though… might I suggest a more private locale?”

She opened her mouth to respond, shaking her head before she glanced around momentarily to see at least two others blatantly listening in on our conversation. Upon realizing she had seen them, they averted their gazes but made no move to leave the immediate vicinity. She sighed, looking at me once more. “Where would you suggest?”

“I would _suggest_ outside the city walls, but that’s not a viable option for you, I am sure,” I offered before shrugging my shoulders. “Your room would suffice if you have one. Or mine, which I think you’ll find quite luxurious, but wherever you’d feel most at ease. I have no preference.”

Her jaw dropped and I quirked a brow at her lack of verbal response. Moments later, she snapped her mouth shut, huffing with indignation and I rolled my eyes. “I will _not_ be going to your room,” she started, her arms crossed over her chest once more, the same flush reappearing on her face.

“If your impression of me is that I am so _brutish_ that I would take advantage of you in my room against your will because I have you there alone, you are sorely mistaken. I simply know without a shadow of a doubt that our conversation there will be entirely _private_ ,” I retorted with no attempt to veil the annoyance in my voice. “How exceptionally presumptuous of you, especially since I had means _and_ opportunity at our last meeting and took advantage of neither.”

She frowned, looking away with a semblance of shame before sighing with a small nod. “You’re right, of course. I apologize for my rudeness. Your room is fine since I have not been given one,” she mumbled.

When we arrived in my private chambers within Eulmore, I gestured vaguely at the small table upon which tea had been set out by the maidservant before making my way to the window, manually sliding it shut before turning to face her, leaning against the windowsill.

“Here, I’ll stand all the way over here. To assuage your doubt in my morality,” I said mockingly as I watched her sit at the table, folding her hands in front of her on the wood. 

She sighed, shaking her head. “No… just…” 

She paused, pursing her lips before nodding her head at the chair across from her. It took everything in me to fight the smirk that threatened to surface. Would she be this welcoming for my companionship, to share a table with me in peaceful conversation if she knew who I truly was?

I faltered for only a moment before pushing off the windowsill and approaching to take my seat at the table as she reached for the teapot. She began pouring herself a cup before hovering the pot over my cup, eyes full of an unspoken question. I gave her a curt nod, still trying to give the impression that I was perhaps mildly offended by her words.

When she had finished pouring the tea, she set the teapot down once more before sitting back in her chair and lifting the tea to her lips. I could see her mind churning with possibilities, perhaps considering the risk of it being poisoned, before she finally took a sip of the piping hot liquid.

“You’re very sophisticated,” she finally said after moments of silence passed between us, once I had taken my teacup into my hands to sip from it. I raised a brow and she continued. “The way you carry yourself, your mannerisms, your speech. You are clearly not a commoner.”

I hummed, putting the teacup back down on its saucer with a soft _clink_ before placing both on the table. “How observant of you,” I replied.

“So Garlean nobility then?” she asked.

“Something of the sort, yes,” I replied with a small smirk, the arch in my brow remaining. “Is this _really_ the pressing matter you wished to discuss, hero? My origins?”

“Well, part of it,” she admitted. “Now that you know who I am, I’m sure you are aware of the tensions between my home and yours back on the Source. Keep your friends close...”

“And enemies closer,” I concluded with a chuckle. “But we are not on the Source, Warrior of Light, and as such the petty squabbles between our nations do not matter here.”

She hummed in consideration of my statement, though I could see the hesitance in her expression to accept my words.

“Do you disagree?” I inquired as I raised the cup once more to take another sip. “Let us assume that you feel what is transpiring on the Source is of tantamount import. But if that was the case… why are you here?”

Her brows shot up and she crossed her arms over her chest. “We talked about why I’m here,” she replied defensively and I gave her a nod.

“Yes, yes. You’re here to stop death and destruction from occurring, but you are free to travel between these worlds, are you not? If the conflict between my home and your own is so significant to you that you still consider me your _enemy_ … why not return and handle it?” 

She paused, seeming to process my words as she weighed them carefully. If I could convince her to leave… if I could convince her she was indeed needed back on the Source, she would be out of my hair and-

“Because… this world needs me too,” she muttered finally. “I can’t tell you the details, but it’s… Garlemald has to wait.”

“And what of Black Rose?” I asked and she immediately tensed, her eyes narrowing at me slightly. “Prior to my departure, the Empire was mass-producing the poison once more.”

“I haven’t heard of any movement on that yet,” she replied, leaning back in her chair. Confirmation that she had means of communicating with the Source.

“And what will you do, hero, if Garlemald were to employ such a weapon against your allies? If you were not there to stop it?”

“I just have to believe that my friends are doing everything they can to stop the Empire, to stop their use of Black Rose,” she responded, eyes downcast as her hands closed into tight fists.

“How trusting of you. To leave all those lives in the hands of those who pale in comparison to you.”

She fell silent then, her gaze locked on the now lukewarm liquid within her cup, swirling it in small circles.

“The Source is… the _Source_ ,” I finally said, and she slowly raised her gaze to mine. “To put so much weight on these lives-”

“The lives of those who inhabit this world are just as important. I will not abandon them in their hour of need,” she replied with a fervent insistence that left me blinking with surprise. 

I cleared my throat as I composed myself before nodding. If she insisted on staying on this world, on continuing to meddle and be problematic, then I would simply have to see if I could control her power for myself.

“Very well then, Warrior of Light. You had questions.”

She pursed her lips, leaning forward on her elbows, hands folded in front of her before she placed her chin atop them.

“How is it,” she started, examining me closely. “That you know you are on the First?”

I paused, replaying our previous conversation in my head. “You told me we were,” I replied, speaking slowly. She narrowed her eyes. 

“You didn’t seem surprised to have it referred to as such.”

“Yes, well, when you suddenly find yourself in a world entirely different from your own, forced to adapt to strange surroundings as the only of your kind, very little seems surprising,” I retorted.

She hummed, nodding slowly. “And the Source? How do you know it to be called-”

“Again, you introduced such terminology to our conversation,” I interjected. “You asked me if I was _from the Source_. One need only surmise that is what our true home is called.”

“Okay,” she huffed, nodding again. “Well, you seemed very interested to know how I had come here. How did you know I was from the Source?”

“Because you called me a Garlean, Warrior of Light. No one else has known that word, let alone that I am one.”

“And you wanted to know how to return because…?”

“Am I to assume, then, that your Scion friends whom you have told me cannot return are not trying to find a way back?”

She hesitated for only a second before she sat back once more, seemingly placated by my explanations as she relaxed for the first time since her arrival in my room. “Tell me what you know about the leader of this city.”

_Not a question_ , I almost replied, but instead I sighed with a grin. “Vauthry. He’s difficult to stomach, but all-powerful amongst the wealthy and privileged who roam within the city’s walls. If you gain popularity, either good or ill, he will request you in his audience chamber.”

“For what purpose?” she asked as she moved to pour herself more tea.

“Your friend, for example. Say he is a brilliant artist and word will spread of his talent, Vauthry would want to commission him for himself. But if the art is not to his liking…” I trailed off, lifting my cup to my lips once more to down the remaining tea before setting the cup back down on the table.

She nodded her head with understanding, pursing her lips before standing with her teacup and moving to stand at the window, looking out at the view below. “What does it mean to… ascend?”

“A patron who finds they no longer have a use for the individual they hired can arrange for the ascension of said individual. They are taken to Vauthry, having served their purpose with dignity and honesty, and are elevated to the highest status.”

I could see the doubt in the profile of her expression as she chose her next words. “So I’ve heard but… something doesn’t add up.”

“Nor should it, because that is the story that they tell and they embellish their words to hide the truth. An ascended person is never seen or heard from again,” I replied ominously as I moved to join her and she exhaled slowly with a knowing nod.

“Do you know what becomes of them?”

“I do, but I will not discuss it,” I replied as I moved the curtain out of the way slightly to peer out at the landscape of Kholusia. “I hope you can respect my decision to withhold such information. My status of remaining in this city is just as circumstantial as your own.” 

Where I can choose to leave Vauthry behind because I have no use for him, she and her friend can be ousted because the patrons no longer have a use for _them_. But I could only hope she would assume our reasons are the same, that I needed permission to remain and did not want to be associated with revealing the truth to her for my safety. 

She sighed slowly, before giving me a knowing nod to confirm she had taken the bait.

“You… told me that you are here to right the wrongs done to your people,” she said, changing the subject as we stood side by side. “What happened?”

“Ah, you remember more than I hoped you would,” I admitted with a frown, my hand dropping the curtain once more. “It is a long, sad story, hero.”

“I have time. If you wanted to talk about it,” she offered and I shook my head slightly.

“Perhaps another time,” I replied solemnly, looking back at her once more to see her peering up at me with curiosity in her eyes. “I’m sure we will cross paths again, and I will consider sharing such things then.”

“You’ve been travelling a long time,” she said knowingly and I nodded slowly. “I can tell.”

“Oh? And how’s that?” 

“Just… you seem tired,” she replied sadly with a shrug. “Like you’ve been trying to solve something, but you can’t seem to.”

“You have _no_ idea,” I muttered with slight bitterness before sighing. “If people didn’t keep _meddling_ perhaps I could be done sooner.”

She pursed her lips, averting her gaze. “I’m sorry.”

My brow furrowed. I blinked a few times. “Whatever for?” 

Everything, though. She should be sorry for everything, because it was she and hers who meddled. It was because of _her_ and the _Scions_ that things were starting to fall apart on the First.

She shrugged once more. “It must be frustrating. It may not be my fault, but still, I’m sorry that you’re struggling to help your people. I know what it’s like, I guess.”

“Do you make it a habit to apologize for things that are supposedly not your fault? It seems a terrible waste of energy.”

She breathed a laugh, shoving my shoulder with her own gently. I turned slightly to face her, looking at her face for a moment as she raised her brow at me, hints of annoyance beneath the surface of her otherwise neutral expression.

I slowly raised my hand towards her, reaching for the same lock of her hair I had fiddled with at our last encounter. She sucked in a sharp breath at my sudden closeness, her teeth biting at her bottom lip. I twined the strands around my index finger slowly before moving to tuck them behind her ear, trying to get a measure of how much I could get away with in the infancy of this new plan of mine.

“Doesn’t it get in the way?” I asked, voice barely above a whisper. “In combat?”

She visibly swallowed before shaking her head and releasing her lip. “No,” she replied just as quietly, her eyes slowly searching my expression as the tension between us grew palpable.

Slowly, ilm by ilm, I leaned down closer to her, letting the electricity build in the air. I watched her eyes widen, her cheeks grow red, and her lips part. She took a deep, shuddering breath.

“I have… another question,” she whispered, her cheeks flushed a bright red as her eyes flicked to my lips before returning to my own. I raised a brow in response. “How is it… that I could sense you before?”

“That seems a question you should know the answer to, hero,” I replied softly, moving my hand to cup the side of her face. She furrowed her brow.

“But… if Garleans have no magic…?” 

Before she could ponder this train of thought any further, I closed the gap between us, pressing my lips against hers firmly. She breathed in sharply through her nose at the contact, her entire body tensing. I could practically feel her mind running in circles before I moved my other hand to wrap around her, placing it on the small of her back. 

Slowly, she began to relax into the kiss, her lips starting to move against mine as she melted into my embrace. She slid her hands up to grip the fur of my overcoat, taking a step closer to me. I grinned against her mouth, pulling her flush against me then with the hand on her back as our lips moved in tandem, our breathing growing heavier with each tick of the chronometer on the wall. 

But just as she began to deepen the kiss, parting her lips slightly with the softest of whimpers, I pulled back, nipping at her bottom lip playfully.

“You should be on your way,” I whispered. “Your artist friend is undoubtedly looking for his muse.”

Breathing heavily, cheeks a bright pink with eyes wide, she looked up at me as I grinned smugly. She gave me a slight nod, clearing her throat as she took a step back, her fingers releasing the tight grip on my coat. She moved her hands to adjust her hair before straightening her shirt once more.

“I’ll see you around then, Garlean,” she said, and I arched a brow at the slightest hint of hopefulness in her tone.

“Time will tell, Warrior of Light. You can consider us even for the kiss at the bar,” I replied as she made her way to the door, turning the knob and pulling it open slowly and taking one step out of the room. “Oh and, one last thing.”

She paused, looking over her shoulder at me.

“I’d recommend avoiding the meol.”


	3. Warrior of Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting right into it :3 Sexual content ahead.

Once the door had closed behind me, I blew out an unsteady breath and leaned against the wall as my knees wobbled, trying to calm the pounding of my heart. I lifted a hand to my mouth, fingertips lightly touching my lips where they still tingled from our kiss and huffed a short laugh, warmth spreading across my cheeks again.

Gods, he was  _ good _ . It had been a long time since  _ anyone _ had affected me so- and he’d nearly turned me into a stammering fool.

I’d had to work to keep my words even as I departed- trying my hardest to not sound  _ desperate _ when he told me I should go, though I was sure I was unable to mask the hopefulness in my voice when I told him I would see him around.

As my shaking subsided and as my head was beginning to clear from that lust-filled haze, my brow furrowed. I hummed as I pushed off the wall again and started making my way back to the aetheryte to find Alphinaud, my mind churning again.

I realized he had not answered my last question, though I should hardly be surprised. I was not as forthcoming with my answers as I had been while inebriated, and I’m sure he was simply paying me back the favor.

It seemed he enjoyed the air of mystery he brought with him.

Still, there was an unmistakable movement of aether that swirled around him. It was incredibly easy to tell, as sensitive as I was to it. I wondered if, perhaps, whatever brought him here had affected him so? 

No, that was ridiculous, wasn’t it? Nothing about me had changed when I was brought here- the Scions, as well, except for the fact that their bodies were still on the Source.

Could it be that he was victim to Garlean experimentation, like Fordola? Zenos? They didn’t seem to have an issue with using their crown prince as a subject so, really, anyone was fair game. 

That being said... _ what  _ were the circumstances that brought him here? Was he like me, somehow able to easily step between worlds? Or was he stuck here like my companions? Was he accidentally here, or did he have a purpose? He  _ had _ known about Black Rose- proving that he was still  _ somewhat _ informed when it came to Garlemald. That or his move here, to the First, had been quite recent.

C _ ould _ he go between the shards...or had he somehow managed to befriend a faerie who could go into dreams like Feo Ul…?

And what had he meant... _ avoid the meol _ ? Not that I had wanted to partake in...whatever it was in the first place. Was something  _ that _ suspicious about it, or was he merely attempting to lead me astray?

I could feel the frustration mount within me as I could not come to any real conclusions, no matter how hard I thought.

What answers had he expected me to draw from his half-answers? Surely  _ that _ was on purpose, if nothing more than to toy with me.

But  _ Gods damnit _ , he was so-

Alphinaud’s voice calling my name broke me from my thoughts and I blinked, looking up as I made my way across the plaza. I paused for a moment, gaze sweeping over the floor to spot my friend. He smiled and waved to me when my eyes landed on him, then motioned for me to come to him. Our benefactors sat at the same table I had seen them before, but now, the twin stood before them with an easel and a large sketch pad.

The Garlean would just have to wait, I supposed. 

With a sigh, I nodded to him and quickly headed over to play my part, trying to release the tension in my muscles.

Over the next few days, I sat around and watched as Alphinaud sketched different scenes of the two miqo’tes, trying to find the most favorable angle in which to paint them. When I wasn’t struggling to keep my eyes open out of the sheer boredom of it all, I was able to do a lot of thinking, making sure to offer words of encouragement to my friend as he drew. 

No matter how many times I thought about it, however, I felt no closer to figuring this Garlean out. My mind ran circles around itself, always right back to the same questions without providing a single answer- or even an idea. 

Just  _ who _ was he? What was so special about him that he, of all people, would have been brought to the First? And  _ why _ ?

But when my mind started to wander to his golden eyes and how his lips felt pressed against mine with his hand flat on the small of my back, I would grow frustrated. I tried to push  _ those _ thoughts out of my mind as fast as I could, though it was never easy. Twelve, it  _ had _ been a long time since I’d received any type of affection as such, and he was just so…different.  _ Enticing _ . Even given his heritage and his suspicious circumstances...I couldn’t seem to help myself-

I clicked my tongue in frustration and vigorously rubbed my face with one hand, trying to ignore the fact that I found him incredibly attractive.

One afternoon, I sat in my chair next to Alphinaud’s easel with my arms crossed over my chest, fighting my drowsiness once more after successfully banishing the Garlean from my mind for the time being. It was a valiant battle, but ultimately, my eyes closed of their own volition and my head drooped down. 

When my chin collided with my chest, I shot awake again, quickly raising my head, blinking rapidly as I tried to focus on the twin’s work. He turned to me for a moment in expectation and I smiled, sitting straight as I examined the sketch.

“Yeah, it’s…”

My words trailed off as my eyes slid to a figure a few tables away, in the back of the room, the tall windows looming over him as he spoke to a young girl dressed in black. 

Furred coat, amber gaze, third eye.

Of course he had to show up just as soon as I had stopped thinking about him.

When the girl flipped her long, dark hair over her shoulder and stepped away, her tall heels clicking against the marble flooring as she walked, he looked out of the corner of his eye, his gaze snagging on mine. With a smirk, he leaned forward in his chair, steepling his fingers and rested his chin on his hands as he observed me. I furrowed my brow at him. After a long moment, he lifted his head and looked back towards the hallway that led to the Beehive, then turned back to me, an invitation in his suggestive expression.

Excitement lit in my veins for a single moment before the unease set in. 

I narrowed my eyes as he stood and started sauntering in the direction he had glanced with one final look at me, head tilted and brow raised.

Was he...willing to confide in me further? Would it be worth my time to follow him? 

The sound of my name brought me back to reality and I looked back toward the Scion.

“Sorry,” I said and breathed a laugh, my eyes wandering back to the walkway the Garlean had disappeared into. “It looks great. I’ll, uh-” I stood from my chair and smoothed my shirt out, then cleared my throat. “I’ll be right back.”

Without debating further, and before Alphinaud could utter another word, I slipped away from them, hurrying to the hallway. 

He wasn’t there, so I continued on to find him leaning against the doorway outside the club. My steps slowed when I saw him, but he pushed off the wall again, his smile positively feline as he spun around and went inside. 

I rolled my eyes and huffed a laugh as I picked up my pace again. 

When I had finally entered, a hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me behind a set of partitions that led to private tables that were mercifully vacant. 

Before I knew what was happening, I was trapped with my back against a pillar, his hands on the stone on either side of my head, the wind knocked out of me. I stared back at him with wide eyes as his bore into me. I released an unsteady breath and opened my mouth to say  _ something _ , but he leaned forward, pressing his mouth to mine without warning. 

A muted whimper of surprise escaped me and I froze for a moment. 

_ I really shouldn’t- _

When I had overcome my shock, I tried to turn my head, but one hand gripped my chin to hold it still.

_ I knew nothing about- _

He inserted his leg between mine, pinning me to the pillar with his hips.

_ I still needed answers- _

Finally, I closed my eyes and I found my resolve waning as his lips moved against mine.

_ But… _

Instinctively, my hands travelled up his torso, fingers exploring the solid panes of his stomach and chest through his shirt before finding his shoulders and the fur of his coat, then wrapped my arms around his neck to pull him closer.

_ Gods _ , he felt  _ so good. _

He obliged, pressing himself against me as I opened my mouth to let his tongue explore mine. I hummed as he tasted me, one of my hands threading into his hair as the other arm tightened its hold around him. 

He released my chin, both of his arms going around my back, crushing me into him. 

And almost as fast as it began, he tore his lips from mine. My breaths came out in short puffs against his face as he continued holding me. After a relieved sigh, he opened his eyes and the smirk was back.

“Apologies, hero,” he said, voice laced with arrogance. “I found myself unable to...stop thinking about you.” He released me, then, stepping away so I could attempt to compose myself. He nodded his head towards the door. “Back to your artist with you. I imagine he’s waiting as I pulled you away quite suddenly.”

With that, I was unable to keep him from my thoughts again.

Two days later, the twin had finally settled on a position and began drawing his outline on a blank, stretched canvas. When he had finished, he sought my opinion- as if I knew  _ anything _ about art- and we discussed what I liked about the portrait before Chai-Nuzz interrupted us.

They argued for a moment over the fact that Alphinaud had chosen realism over  _ perfection _ , but everything stopped when a familiar tune carried through the halls and the two jongleurs appeared to make an announcement. I narrowed my eyes at them, my stomach suddenly twisting in nervous knots.

This didn’t bode well.

How right I was. 

I followed Alphinaud to the room where this Vauthry held his audiences to witness the...Offering, as the locals called it. But when we entered through the large double doors, I nearly stopped in my tracks as I took stock of the room.

The sin eaters spread around the room, relaxing and at bay. Bowls and bowls of fruit and meol scattered about.

And who I could only assume was Vauthry himself lounged against a giant, feline-like eater.

The sheer size of the man who ruled this  _ utopia  _ who sat at the front of the room with a balcony at his back was...shocking.

When we heard a small voice begging above the murmuring of those already in attendance, recognition lit in the twin’s eyes and he forced himself to the front of the crowd. I followed and in the middle of it all, we found a blue-haired miqo’te on all fours, bleeding on the floor from a cut in his arm.

My brow furrowed. Kai-Shirr? 

I cursed under my breath and the both of us rushed to him as he quietly cried over the wound, keeping his head bowed in shame. 

After some strong and harsh words for the ruler of Eulmore over his treatment of those charged to work in the city, Alphinaud helped peel the miqo’te off the floor and escorted him out. I watched Vauthry for a few moments longer as he tried to process what had just happened, and with a slight, disappointed shake of my head, I turned to head for the door.

The floor under my feet began to shake as I walked, making me nearly lose my footing. I paused as I balanced myself, looking over my shoulder to see his fists hitting the ground over and over like a child throwing a tantrum after not getting its way. I clicked my tongue, turning once more to leave, but as I exited, I passed a familiar face leaning his back against the open door with his arms crossed over his chest, his lips turned down in an annoyed frown. 

My head followed the Garlean as I came to a slow stop, raising a brow. When he noticed I was watching him, he offered me a shrug and rolled his eyes as his head tilted in Vauthry’s direction. I huffed a laugh, understanding his meaning.

The man-child wanted to see him. 

“Everyone out!” he shouted from behind me. I looked over my shoulder as he threw a metal dish of fruit towards the door. The onlookers quickly scattered, trying to avoid getting hit by flying oranges. The bowl  _ clanged _ against the floor. “Architect! Get in here!”

Immediately, my eyes shot to the Garlean again and he heaved a loud, dramatic sigh. I gave him as encouraging a smile as I could manage before he pushed off the door and headed inside. He stopped in the middle of the room, not bothering to avoid the blood on the floor, and bowed slightly at the waist.

“As requested,” he said simply as he straightened again.

“I command you to go after them!” Vauthry ordered, pointing beyond him. Pointing to me. “Bring them to me!”

The Garlean twisted to look at me, inspecting me for a moment as I cursed to myself and dropped into a defensive stance, preparing to run if need be. One side of his mouth tilted upward and he raised his hand. Upon his snap, the doors started to shut and he turned back.

What kind of power did he have in this city that he could command the guards to close the door with nothing but a click of his fingers?

“I am sorry to say that you have no right to command me to do anything,” he said, taking a few steps forward. My mouth dropped open and my eyes widened in surprise.

Was he fearless or just insane?

“I don’t care who you are!” the Eulmoran shouted as the door closed entirely. “I want them dead!”

Confused as I was by everything I had just witnessed, I took a deep, steadying breath and with a nod to myself, took off in the direction Alphinaud had taken Kai-Shirr.

We left Eulmore with naught but another word, heading back for the safety and shelter of the Crystarium.

I didn’t see the Garlean again for some time as I continued on with my mission. Not that I expected to, given that he seemed to be needed...elsewhere. Vaguely, I wondered if the next time I would see him, he would try to drag me back in irons. 

Not that he could.

I also worried that he had been thrown to his death, though for some reason...it seemed unlikely, even after the way he’d spoken to Vauthry. He seemed...too confident.

Another thing he hadn’t told me, it seemed. The number seemed to be adding up.

I did not have much time to contemplate how his absence made me feel, however. As always, the work of a hero is never done, no matter how  _ used _ I was beginning to feel.

I knew the basics of my purpose on the First, of course, though...it seemed the Garlean was not the  _ only _ one keeping secrets from me. 

The day the Crystal Exarch deigned to  _ finally _ explain in full- or, so I thought, anyway- what was going on, we were quickly called away to a village in Lakeland- Holminster Switch. Lyna had informed us that they had been overrun by sin eaters- and by the sheer number that had amassed, it was likely that a Lightwarden was at the head. 

And upon defeating Philia, I accepted the entirety of its immense aether into myself without trouble or complaint, after which the Exarch knelt before me and admitted to us the  _ real  _ reason he brought me here.

Gather the Light. Avoid the Calamity.

Exhausted and only slightly annoyed that information was still being withheld from me, I trudged back to the Crystarium with Alphinaud under the new cover of darkness, leaving Alisaie to re-enter the village and mourn Tesleen with Lyna for protection. 

When I had finally stumbled into my room for the night, I was confronted with a ghost from my past.  _ Literally. _

Paired with the unnatural feeling of Light writhing around inside of me, Ardbert’s emotional rambling struck a chord deep inside of me, and a short while later, I found myself walking around the city instead of sleeping.

_ Numb _ , he had said. I shoved my hands in my pockets as I wandered the deserted, suspended walkways high above the ground. I would grow numb the more heartbreak I encountered- the more friends I would lose, the more people I would kill…the more I would attune myself to the pain.

Hadn’t it...already started? 

I remembered being  _ happy _ about defeating primals at the beginning. But now...it was harder than ever to muster a smile, even a forced one.

Was this really what I was destined for? Would I, too, be forced to walk about the earth after death, to watch my world crumble around me without the ability to do a single thing about it, as Ardbert had done for the last century?

Suddenly, my victories felt like ash in my mouth.

I stopped next to the railing that overlooked the steps to the Ocular, the Crystal Tower looming above my head, and looked up at the star-filled sky. With a sigh, I dropped my head again, but a figure on a bench in the courtyard before me caught my eye. 

Despite the sadness and uncertainty I was feeling, despite the questions and suspicions I had, my heart fluttered and I turned to head back down the stairs.

As I approached him, I crossed my arms over my chest. The Garlean was staring up at the sky, a deep frown on his face. 

“Not a fan of the night sky?” I asked as I came to a stop.

“On the contrary,” he answered without missing a beat, though his voice was without the smug arrogance he usually regarded me with. “Under normal circumstances, I rather enjoy it.” 

“Can you really claim these to be ordinary circumstances?” He chuckled quietly.

“Indeed.” His eyes slid to me, gaze flicking to my chest for half a moment before looking back to my face and pointed to the sky. “I take it that this is your doing?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “That depends.” He raised a brow, curiosity and surprise lighting on his face. A small, sheepish smile appeared on my mouth. “Are you going to take me to Vauthry if I say yes?” A grin spread across his mouth, but his supposed mirth did not reach his eyes. He moved to make room for me on the bench, then motioned to the empty spot.

“I’ll share a secret with you, hero,” he began as I took him up on his offer and slid into the seat. He leaned in close to me, his nose brushing the shell of my ear, voice barely above a whisper when he spoke again. “If I wanted to hand you over, I would have done so by now.” A shiver ran up my spine at the feel of his breath in my ear.

I hummed as I twisted to face him. “You sound awfully sure that I would even allow that to happen.”

“And you seem awfully sure you could even stop me,” he said, searching my eyes. My breath caught as he reached up to tuck the stray lock of hair behind my ear again and I could feel the heat creeping in along my cheeks. “Assumptions are a dangerous thing. We’ve been over this, have we not?”

I huffed a laugh and looked down at my lap, clasping my hands together.

“You know, hero, you don’t seem...overly thrilled for having brought back the night,” he began again. “I had, in truth, thought that you would be gloating over your accomplishment and celebrating with your friends.”

I pursed my lips and shrugged again. “Now who’s assuming?” I muttered, so low I wasn’t even sure if he’d heard me.

“It  _ is _ an impressive feat, no doubt-,” he continued, speaking of my own triumphs as if I didn’t know about them. I raised my head once more, examining his face as my mind wandered back to Ardbert’s words.

_ Numb _ , I thought again. Maybe there was a truth there.

But perhaps, for tonight at the very least, I could…

I leaned in suddenly, pressing my lips against his, effectively cutting off his sentence. 

It was his turn to tense, but he quickly relaxed as he overcame his surprise and began returning my sentiment with fervor. His hands went to my waist as he pulled me closer to him, nearly lifting me into his lap. At the feel of his touch, the searing heat of the aether in my chest calmed itself, the writhing nothing but a thought in the back of my mind as I gave myself over to him.

I shifted so that I knelt on the bench before him, just barely hovering above him as my arms went around his neck. His slumped posture straightened so he could still reach me, laying his hands flat against my back.

_ Forget _ who he was for now, I bade myself. Forget the questions you had for him. Forget, and let yourself  _ feel _ .

Deal with the consequences on the morrow.

I pressed my chest against his, eliciting a small moan from him. In a sudden stroke of confidence with an underlying  _ need _ , my hands began to roam again, finding the furred collar of his coat. I slipped them underneath and began to slide it off his shoulders. 

I felt him grin against my mouth, and he broke away from me for a moment to facilitate the removal of his garment.

When he had dropped it to the ground behind him, he moved to straddle the bench and roughly pulled me against him again, causing a whimper to rise up my throat. His lips and teeth began leaving a teasing trail of nips and kisses across my jaw and down my neck that set my abdomen aflame. I breathed an unsteady moan as I closed my eyes, tilting my head out of the way to give him more access, then hooked my arms under his, hands fisting in the cloth of his tunic. He hummed against my skin, the vibration causing bumps to rise along my arms.

“Is this the difference between the Warrior of Light and the Warrior of Darkness?” he asked between kisses, his breath hot on the crook of my neck, amusement laced in his tone. “Shy and embarrassed then, but now…”

I scowled and rolled my eyes, one hand moving to grip his face and pull him back up to mine.

“Don’t call me that,” I ordered, my breathing labored. I leaned in again to press my mouth to his, but he pulled back, a smirk tugging at his lips.

“Oh? And why not?” I clicked my tongue in annoyance.

“It really ruins the mood,” I answered bluntly, my hand moving to the back of his head so he couldn’t escape me this time. He huffed a laugh through his nose but let me indulge myself for a while longer.

When he began unfastening the closures of my jacket, I paused, separating my mouth from his, and took a quick look around.

“We should probably continue this elsewhere,” I suggested. “I don’t think the inhabitants of the Crystarium would appreciate us, um…” I cleared my throat as he raised a brow, eyes flicking to my lips at the prospect of  _ more _ . 

“Did you have somewhere in mind, hero?” 

“My room,” I said quickly, though the thought of Ardbert watching my  _ private _ excursions made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. “Uh- On second thought, Garlean, your room is preferable.” He bent down to retrieve his coat, nipping at my bottom lip as he leaned into me, before nodding.

“As you wish.”

The moment the door to his private room was closed behind us, he had me backed up against it, caught in much the same position I’d been in during our time in the Beehive. Immediately, his mouth had found mine again, his fingers going back to what they were doing before, deftly unhooking the clasps of my jacket. 

When it hung open, I arched my back and tore it off of my body, letting it slide down the wood and to the floor. My hands found the sides of his face as his hips pressed into mine. I broke away for a moment, unable to contain the moan that escaped me, the heat building between my legs only growing as he pinned me to the door. 

I felt his hands skirting the hem of my shirt before he pulled it over my head in a swift movement, then returned to my lips. He let his fingers slide down my sides and over my backside, the soft material of his gloves smooth against my skin. 

My own hands trailed down his neck in search of the buttons on his shirt. As I began to unfasten them, he broke away from my mouth again, running fevered kisses down my neck and across my shoulder. The fabric easily slipped through my fingers like water, the quality of his garments not escaping me.

“With clothes like this,” I mused as I continued. “You can’t be  _ just _ nobility,”

“Oh?” he breathed against my skin. With his shirt open, my arms reached to explore him again. I admired every muscle, every ilm of skin, as my hands greedily roamed across his body. “And which  _ royal _ would I be, I wonder?” He removed his hands from my backside to slide the shirt off of his shoulders. “Varis is an oaf. His uncle is long since passed and his son is a maniac. Who do you suppose is next?” 

Wait-  _ is? _ Perhaps he did not know that the crown prince was dead.

Before I could comment, however, he sharply bit the sensitive skin in the crook of my neck, earning him a soft cry of pain and surprise.

“Take your own advice, hero,” he whispered, the tip of his nose dragging along the shell of my ear as he spoke. “Don’t talk about such things and ruin the mood.” 

I nodded in agreement as he placed a single, tingling kiss over the spot he had bit. He ground his hips against mine again and I groaned, the growing hardness in his pants made evident with his movement. 

“Touch me,” I begged him, not bothering the mask the  _ want _ I felt for him in the moment. He hummed in approval, his hands going behind me to unclasp the top of my smallclothes.

“All in good time.” When the garment had been removed, his lips trailed further down over my collarbone and to my breasts. His mouth easily wrapped around my nipple and I arched into him again with a quiet cry as his hands found the button of my pants and easily popped it open, then began slowly inching them down, along with my smallclothes.

When he had managed to push them about mid-thigh, I grew impatient with the slow pace he was setting and pulled him back up to meet me, crashing my lips against his, then guided one of his hands between my legs. 

“ _ Touch me _ ,” I repeated, murmuring against his mouth, desperation in my voice. When he paused and pulled his hand away, I was unable to hold back the whine that slipped from my mouth.

“Let me remove my gloves first, hero,” he said with a teasing grin as I pouted, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of my mouth. “And  _ then _ , I will touch you.” 

When he had done as he said, I felt his fingers slowly trail from my navel down, purposefully teasing me, making sure the anticipation built in the depths of my belly. 

My breath caught in the moment before his hand made contact with my folds and I threw my head back against the door when he  _ finally _ touched me, fingers lazily swirling in the wetness he found there. I closed my eyes, falling back against the door and reveling in the feeling. He pressed himself against me again, seeking my lips, as his finger found the small bundle of nerves between my legs. 

I moaned against his mouth and my fingers travelled down the smooth skin of his torso in search of the top of his pants. I quickly unfastened them and slid one hand inside, fingers wrapping around him. 

I felt a rumble in his chest as I moved my hand along his arousal. He deepened the kiss, forcing my lips open with his tongue so he could taste me, his fingers moving in faster circles between my legs, quickly and efficiently building up a tension inside of me that would weep for release. 

My hand tightened around him as he delved deeper, finding my entrance. He slipped one finger inside of me and I inhaled sharply through my nose. After a few strokes, he added a second, his palm pressing against my folds, intentionally rubbing against the nerve with every movement. 

I arched against the door again, tearing my mouth from his with a loud moan as my head hit the wood with a  _ thump _ , my own hand moving erratically inside of his pants as I began to lose control of myself. 

“Oh,  _ Gods _ ,” I groaned as he continued to work me, my whole body beginning to quiver as he pushed me  _ so _ close. He leaned into me, as close as he could, a smirk on his mouth.

“Is this what you wanted, hero?” he asked, his voice low and gravelly, so close I could feel the vibration of his words against my lips. 

As I opened my mouth to answer him, a cry clawed itself up my throat and I was suddenly thrust over the edge. 

As I came down from my high, he slid his hands out from between my legs, trailing his wet fingers up my stomach before lifting them to his mouth. His eyes locked with mine and my breath caught as he took them into his mouth to lick them clean, the fire in my abdomen burning anew. I released my unsteady breath.

“I want you  _ inside _ me,” I bluntly informed him. A feral smile spread across his face as he removed the fingers from his mouth to grip my chin, pressing his lips to mine, my taste still lingering there. 

“Right  _ here _ , Warrior of Light?” he asked as he pulled away, raising a brow. “Against the door?” He pulled away from me and huffed a laugh at the expression I made no attempt to mask, as if the ache to feel him fill me was all too much to bear. “What type of man do you take me for, hm?” He gripped my hand, roughly pulling me from the wall and into his chest. “All in good time, my sweet hero. Worry not.” He tipped down and swept me off the floor, earning a small yelp of surprise. 

He made his way to the bed and laid me down on top of the blankets, then moved to strip my pants and smallclothes the rest of the way down my legs. He dropped them on the floor in a heap and removed the rest of his clothes. 

As he climbed into bed, I parted my legs so he could easily insert himself between them. He hovered over me for a moment before leaning down to catch my lips. 

When I felt him nudging at my entrance, I reached down to spread my folds and slowly guide him in. A whimper slipped past my lips as he easily slid inside of me, and I felt him relax when he was fully seated to the hilt. 

His demeanor changed nearly instantly- where he had been rough and arrogant before, he was now soft and careful, as if I was made of glass. 

As he slowly started rocking his hips into mine, something shifted between us. He wrapped his arms under me, holding me firmly, but gently. I hooked my arms under his, lifting myself a few ilms off the bed so my chest was pressed against his. 

I sought his lips once more and he greedily accepted, kissing me slowly, reverently, his tongue dancing with mine, quiet groans muffled against my lips with each stroke. 

He broke away to leave a trail of wet kisses down my throat. I arched my neck back as I inhaled deeply. He removed one arm from under me, his hand guiding my legs to wrap around him. 

I did as he requested, hooking my ankles together behind him, forcing him deeper inside of me. We both groaned and, unable to contain himself any longer, his pace began to pick up. 

I laid back again, reaching above my head to grasp the pillow I was laying on, biting my lip to stifle the sounds that were coming out of me. He placed his hands on the mattress on either side of me to support himself as he continued to thrust. 

It wasn’t long before the both of us were near our threshold and I could feel his body begin to tremble as my hands clenched around the pillow I was holding, cry after cry slipping from my lips.

We were thrust over the edge at nearly the same time and immediately, my entire being was filled with warmth- a comforting sensation that enveloped my very essence and threatened to bring tears to my eyes. 

Deeper than anything I had ever felt before.

What was…?

Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain behind my eyes and my vision flashed-

The Echo- now?

Two robed figures with masks, holding on to each other in desperation as they kissed, the city behind them engulfed in flames. 

The memory lasted no longer than a moment, but when I was thrust back into the present, the Garlean was still hovering over me. 

His golden eyes were wide as he stared down at my chest, blazing with an intensity I hadn’t seen in  _ anyone _ before. His chest heaved with heavy breaths as tears formed in the corners of his eyes. My breath caught and I reached up to him.

His gaze slid to mine, full of confusion and panic.

“What was…,” I whispered, voice shaky as my thumb wiped the water from his eyes. “ _ Who... _ are you?”

He blinked then, seemingly brought back to reality. I watched as his chin trembled almost imperceptibly and my brow furrowed. He threw himself off of the bed. I sat up quickly.

“Wait-”

With a snap of his fingers, he was fully clothed again. 

But, Garleans couldn’t-

I-

In an instant, he was making for the door. I jumped to the floor to go after him.

“Wait, please don’t-”

Without so much as a glance back to me, he slid out into the hallway, leaving me alone and confused in his room.


	4. Emet-Selch

This feeling… 

This soul pulsing with mine…

How many _thousands_ of years had it been?

How long had I searched? 

To think I would find her on the First, to think I would experience this again with such intensity with a _sundered_ being.

I had not expected to feel this, and yet when our bodies finally connected, when we were physically joined as much as we could have been, there she was.

Just as comforting, just as welcoming as she always had been. Her aether pulsating with my own, moving in time with the beating of our hearts. Her breathing matching mine, an ebb and flow between us that I had sorely missed.

Her lips moved with mine, and slowly, steadily, we climbed to the precipice together, my movements pulling melodious sound after sound from her lips.

Just as it had been all those thousands of years ago.

Without thinking, before my mind could scream with a warning to keep my distance, to protect myself from the uncertainties that this carried… I gave in. How could I not?

How I had missed her… 

I felt her body trembling around mine, felt her tightening around me, her cries increasing in volume, increasing in urgency and suddenly- 

Without warning, my soul found its way to hers, wrapping around her familiar warmth, her familiar light and love, embracing her as it always had. Seeking out its counterpart after being alone for so very long.

For the first time in millennia… my soul was home.

Tears welled in my eyes as we came down from our climax, my eyes staring at her soul, its hue muted, diluted, but discernible just the same. I knew this soul better than I knew my own.

Through all that Light… There was no doubt in my mind. After my tired, endless searching…

I found her again. 

“ _Who…_ are you?”

Suddenly, I was thrust back to reality, my gaze sliding to hers. Her eyes weren’t the exact color they should have been. Familiar but _wrong_. 

This wasn’t-

She wasn’t-

Very abruptly, with no further words or warning, I threw myself from the bed. I knew using magic in this form would ruin my cover, that I would not be able to explain my way out of it but I needed to leave. I must put distance between us, before she could continue to affect me, before my judgement grew more clouded by emotion.

Once I had gained the distance from her, once I knew she had not followed, I walked through my portal. 

And on the other side, I shot my hand out to brace myself from falling.

My chest heaved with labored breathing, my vision obscured from the tears that had welled up in my eyes, my hands shaking from the overwhelming _everything_ that I was feeling.

Relief that I had found her, anger that she was _who she was_ , sorrow that our paths had crossed once more in such a way… and immeasurable heartbreak that, like all others sundered as she was, she did not remember.

Just as I was celebrating my triumph over the Warrior of Light, just as I had started to believe that this plan would succeed. I slid to my knees, swearing under my breath as the tears finally spilled forth. My shoulders shook, my hand gripping the edge of the stone pedestal so tightly my entire arm threatened to shake.

 _How?_ How had her soul become _Hydaelyn’s_ to command? How had I not realized it sooner? The one place I had not looked for her soul, for her distinct hue… had been behind the blinding Blessing of Light.

I was not sure how long I had stayed there, trying to compose myself, but Elidibus’ hand on my shoulder eventually broke me from the seemingly endless spiraling into my own despair.

“Your soul shows traces of another,” he said solemnly, understanding immediately what had transpired. I would expect no less from our Emissary. “But… I confess I find the hue unfamiliar.”

“The Fourteenth,” I responded, raising my head slightly to gaze upon the statue of Zodiark at the center of the room, looking to Him for comfort, to help calm the tumultuous sorrow that was welling within me.

“I know you have searched tirelessly. However, based on your response… Who is she?” Elidibus finally asked after several moments passed and I had visibly calmed, standing slowly back to my feet.

My hands came into fists at my sides. I took a slow breath, the exhale unsteady despite my best efforts.

“The Warrior of Light.”

“I see.” A sharp exhale, his hand leaving my shoulder quickly. “How unfortunate.”

I turned then to face him, finding him standing with his hand on his chin as he considered this new but pivotal information. 

“How did you allow yourself to get so close?” he finally asked. “What, exactly, was your plan?”

I frowned, a feeling akin to that of a child being scolded surging through me and I crossed my arms across my chest, my eyes narrowing. 

“I _intended_ to distract her, possibly turn her from her cause upon the First,” I muttered and he gave me a slow nod. “To seduce her so thoroughly that she would let her defenses down and we could be rid of her, either by her demise or by joining our side. Obviously, I did not consider the _possibility_ that _her soul_ would be within _Hydaelyn’s_ champion.”

“No, I cannot say I accounted for such a possibility either,” the Emissary admitted readily, and immediately the tension within me melted away. “And what will you do now? She must be stopped regardless of who she once was.”

I sighed, bringing my hand up to the bridge of my nose, shaking my head. “I… am unsure. I had a cover, as a Garlean, though it was not a strong one. Any one of her compeers with rudimentary historical knowledge will have recognized this vessel and thus I would be exposed.” 

“And what was your next step then? Before this troubling discovery?”

“I planned to quell the tension that was on the verge of breaking out into a war between the Crystarium and Eulmore, to avoid any extra forces causing further imbalances,” I muttered and he hummed in agreement.

“An acceptable place to pick up from,” he posited as I lowered my hand. “And then, I suppose you had a plan for the Warrior of Light and her companions, but given this new information, it surely has changed.”

“I briefly considered the possibility of revealing myself to them, the truth,” I said with a shrug and I could see the surprise dance through his eyes. “It seems as good a plan as any now. The more time I am able to spend with her, the more opportunities I will have to sway her.”

He remained silent for a moment, regarding me carefully, likely taking measure of my resolve. Finally, he sighed.

“It very well may be a waste of your time and effort, Emet-Selch. Not to mention, foolishly reckless.” His disapproval was barely masked in his tone, and I could tell from the change in his posture that he would not support such actions. Not that I could fault him.

“But if it wasn’t? If I could show her who she was? Who _we_ were?” I asked, unashamed of the desperation in my voice. He responded with the slightest shake of his head.

“You assume she will not simply attempt to strike you down where you stand upon learning the truth of your identity,” he warned. “Did Lahabrea’s demise teach you nothing? Hydaelyn’s influence over Her champion is not to be underestimated.”

I nodded stiffly, averting my gaze. “I cannot help but feel as if this is something I must pursue. If I did not at least _try_ , if I did not at least attempt to unlock-”

"Surely you cannot be considering an _Ascension_ ,” Elidibus interjected. When I did not respond, he shook his head with vigor. “This is an action I cannot condone, Emet-Selch. Regardless of who she was, regardless of your _affections_ for that soul, such power in her hands is not to be taken lightly.”

He blew out a slow breath, seeming to collect himself from his admittedly rare showing of such urgency.

“I will not interfere with this plan of yours to attempt to sway her, so long as you remain in line with Lord Zodiark’s wishes, to accomplish the Rejoining and bring about the star’s salvation,” he stated with finality. “But if she shows no signs of abandoning her course, if she clings to her goddess, to those who put us in this position... you know what must be done.” 

“I…” I frowned deeply, before returning my gaze to his with a nod. “Yes, I am prepared for such a likelihood.” 

Elidibus sighed, frowning himself as sadness peeked out beneath his ordinarily indifferent expression. 

“If nothing else, you will free her soul, Emet-Selch,” he murmured quietly, placing his hand on my shoulder again. “That's the least we can ask for her now.”

When I stepped out of my portal in the audience chamber of Eulmore, I was greeted by a booming laugh.

“You see,” Vauthry shouted at his mindless followers. “You see how he has come crawling back! I should execute you for how you spoke to me!”

I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest as I regarded him with barely concealed disdain. Repulsive creature.

“I come to you with a proposition,” I stated, attempting to keep my tone bored. “I will seek out the artist and his assistant as you previously requested. And you, in turn, will not deploy your armies and continue to uphold our previous arrangement.”

He sneered at me, grabbing a handful of meol before shoveling it into his mouth. “And what's in it for Eulmore? If I agree with this plan? How do _I_ benefit?”

I sighed, struggling to mask the disgust as pieces of his food flew towards me, a chunk landing on my coat. I brushed the barely chewed food off of my chest with a click of my tongue.

“Your armies will not suffer casualties, and the offenders will be brought to justice,” I replied simply.

Vauthry hummed, his hand moving across his stomach as he considered my words. 

“My armies are the best in the realm,” he responded arrogantly. “I will not suffer casualties regardless, and I have already dispatched Ran'jit to the Crystarium to ask the Crystal Exarch what he knows.”

“You will find the artist's assistant to be more than a match for even your general, Vauthry,” I warned and he paused his consumption of the repulsive food, peering down at me with a raised brow.

“I do not _believe_ you. If she was so powerful, why not show such strength while she was here?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I do not presume to understand the inner workings of the minds of ones such as them. Do you accept my plan or not?”

He brought his hand to his chin, tilted his head. 

“If we do not come to an agreement,” I continued, beginning to lose my patience when he did not respond, instead opting to continue to eat. “I cannot promise that I will stop whoever has been hunting your Lightwardens.”

“I will consider it, based on my general's report. But in the meantime, I accept your offer to hunt the artist and his assistant.”

With a small sigh, I nodded, bowing deeply at the waist before summoning a portal and leaving without another word. It was as much of a concession as I would get from him for the time being. 

The next few days would be critical, it would seem. Depending on how things unfolded, my plan would have to shift. But I could not force anyone’s hand any further than I already had. Vauthry, as stupid and volatile as he was, knew what he wanted. And unless he could be convinced otherwise, he would continue down this path. For every sin eater lost, for every battle won by the Crystarium, the balance would shift. This was something I simply could not allow.

What was left, then, was to make sure he suffered as great a loss as he possibly could to elicit the order to withdraw, in order to try to maintain the supremacy of Light upon this shard. 

Not an easy task, especially with the Source’s hero here hunting Lightwardens to remove the Light from the world by absorbing it into herself.

Which was troubling in and of itself. I was certain her soul could not handle the absorption of _all_ of the Lightwardens…

So what was their endgame? Even if she removed the Light by taking it into herself, she surely could not control it.

Unless… she could? _If_ she could, if she was capable of such a feat… surely that would be evidence enough of her worth. Evidence enough that she would be too troublesome to keep as a foe, that having her as an ally to our cause would make all of my efforts worthwhile.

But… would all the Light within her allow her to even survive an Ascension? 

So much Light would surely cause nothing but havoc on her soul, fragile as it was. Despite Elidibus stating his opposition to such an idea, if things continued on their current course, she would certainly require one to survive. Perhaps once she had proven her worth, he would be less adamant in his position. Perhaps, once the proper conditions had been met, he would agree to an Ascension.

To have her memories restored, to have her remember who she was… would such conditions prevent the triggering of the Blessing of Light? Prevent meddling from Hydaelyn to maintain her hold on her champion?

There was still the possibility she would be unwilling to abandon her allegiance to Hydaelyn—very likely if I was being honest with myself, given her stubborn nature in ages past—and she would thus not meet the requirements Elidibus had set forth. Even in those circumstances, in which she was unwilling to turn her from her path, perhaps she would still come to agree to an alternative. To walk by my side as we found a new way to restore the star.

Did I dare hope for such a thing?

As the days passed, it became abundantly clear to me that Vauthry would not be cooperative. That he would do whatever he wished, whenever he wished it. Such a partnership would be decidedly detrimental to the cause, so I would, instead, have to find a different approach. Though _what_ that approach would be still eluded me. 

I watched the Warrior wander through Il Mheg, observing how the Light from the Warden she had first absorbed churned erratically within her. She seemed… fine, though. As if she could not even feel what it was doing. Was she pretending for the sake of her companions? Or did she, perhaps, have better control over it than I had originally anticipated she would?

As she continued her journey, working alongside the fae in order to gain their trust, she eventually made her way to defeat the Lightwarden and contain the Light there as well. Not that I was terribly surprised. She had shown she was capable of such feats many times before. Impressive for a sundered soul, and infuriating all the same.

But as she took the aether within herself, I could not help but notice the hairline crack that formed just at the edge of her soul. Not enough for her to feel anything, and perhaps not enough to even make a difference in the long run. But it was there. And if I wanted to _save_ this particular soul...

It seemed she was determined to continue down this path, despite any anger she had felt for being used in such a way. And the only way to truly know how she would react to continued absorptions of Light would be to watch her closely, to actively stay by her side to monitor her rather than observing from the shadows. 

Which meant… I had to prepare myself for such interactions. I knew it could possibly eventually come to this, but I had expected that I would have more time, that I could ready myself more thoroughly. But it appeared things had escalated far more quickly than I had anticipated.

Knowing who she was should not make it any harder for me to complete my tasks. And yet, every time I would observe her, I found my gaze locked on her soul. Confirming, perhaps, that which I already knew.

That I would become so anxious over the next steps, unsure of my plan, uncertain of _myself_ and my actions simply because the Fourteenth’s soul was housed within the Champion of the Light. 

It was pathetic.

She did not even _remember_ who she was, and yet I was balking at the prospect of interacting with her once more as if she would suddenly recall our past, suddenly give me _that look_ that would make me feel as if I had committed the greatest atrocities in the history of all creation.

Because… if she had been here, she surely would have felt that way. 

_‘The lives of those who inhabit this world are just as important. I will not abandon them in their hour of need.’_

The Warrior’s voice rang through my mind, the conviction in her words similar to that of her originator. Some things would never change, it seems. All lives were precious, all souls had value. Had that not been the very reason the Fourteenth stepped down?

She likely would have urged us to try to find a different way, to complete the Rejoining through other means… Not that there _was_ another path we could have taken. We had, in truth, not searched for alternatives once we had discovered our method. It worked well, and none of us truly viewed the sundered malformed creatures upon the shards as anything more than a mistake. 

But that would not stop her from seeking another way, from exhausting every possibility until she was certain that the Ardor was the only solution, had she been here.

With a sigh, I watched as the Warrior of Light and her companions returned to the Crystarium, having evaded Eulmore once more with the assistance of their new fae allies. Steeling myself, I took the steps out of the portal to materialize once more. 

She paused mid-stride, looking slightly over her shoulder in my direction before turning, a flicker of relief flooding her expression, the faintest of smiles on her lips. 

“You certainly took your time,” I called out to her, and her expression immediately shifted, turning completely to face me as her compeers did the same. “I had half resolved to complete the task myself.”

She shifted her weight from one leg to the other, pursing her lips. “I’m sorry, I seem to have missed the message that you were looking for me,” she replied, crossing her arms over her chest. “You vanished without a trace, so I’m not sure I would have come running regardless.”

“My apologies,” I mused, a smirk easily sliding onto my expression. “I seem to have offended you with my previous behavior. I shall endeavor to make it up to you, dear hero.”

The slightest hint of pink filled her cheeks and she cleared her throat, averting her gaze. The elezen twin she had been at the bar with tilted her head. “And you are?”

I opened my mouth to respond, but the astrologian in front of her shot his arm out. “Were one to study the annals of Garlean history, one would find yonder visage on many a page,” he said, narrowing his eyes suspiciously, the Warrior of Light turning towards him with widened eyes. “Though by rights its youth should long since have faded.”

“Well, well,” I chimed in with a slight shrug. “We have a historian in our midst. That spares me a lengthy explanation.”

I turned my head back towards the Warrior of Light, who had returned her gaze to meet mine.

“I am Solus zos Galvus, founding father of the Garlean Empire,” I announced with a slow smirk, eyes locking with the hero’s, her eyes narrowing in response. “So you were correct, hero. I am most certainly a royal.”

“Founding- I _knew_ there was something about you,” she muttered, suspicion evident in her eyes.

“You… you know him?” the male twin asked with a furrowed brow. “When did you-”

“It is fascinating, you know,” I interrupted, eyes still locked with the hero’s. “That you did not reveal to your friends at any point in time your suspicious _encounters_ with the Garlean gifted with aether and magic. Why is that, I wonder?”

She frowned, her eyes trailing up and down the length of my body as she tried to discern more about me. “Who _are_ you?”

“Ah, of course. Where are my manners?” I lifted my hand to hover in front of my face before slowly moving it downwards to reveal my glyph, and then bowed, bending slightly at the waist, eyes still trained on the Warrior. “I am Emet-Selch.”

“An Ascian,” she breathed, her eyes widened. She took a step back, shaking her head, a myriad of emotions dancing in her eyes. Despair, disgust, anger. Her hands slowly clenched into fists at her sides.

The rest of her friends immediately were on the defensive, the gunbreaker’s hand going straight to the hilt of his weapon.

“Gaius spoke of you,” the female twin uttered. “A native of the Source…”

“Equal in rank to Lahabrea,” the gunbreaker muttered, narrowing his eyes and I raised a brow. “And you came all this way to introduce yourself to us?”

“Hardly,” I replied as I stood upright once more. “I came all this way to introduce myself to _her._ ”

“You said you were an _architect_ ,” she bit out. “You _lied_ to me.”

“I did no such thing,” I retorted, crossing my arms over the chest. “You will find that I have spoken nothing but the truth to you, Warrior of Light.”

She took a step towards me then, aggressively, menacingly and I clicked my tongue. “Come now, I thought you and I were _closer_ than such petty violence,” I teased and she bared her teeth at me, narrowing her eyes once more.

I sighed, shaking my head. “It is a pity none of your friends have seen the same passionate spark within you that I have. This display of yours but scratches the surface. You have quite a great many things on your mind that you have not deigned to share with them at all, it would seem. I am _truly_ honored to have lent you my ear when you otherwise opt to be silent and brooding, hero.”

“What does he mean?” the female twin asked, her eyes widening slightly as she looked between myself and the Warrior of Light.

“Yes, whatever could I mean? Have you befriended an Ascian?” I mused, taking slow steps towards her. “Has an Ascian befriended _you_?”

“You… you tricked her,” the girl bit out, honing her eyes in on me. “She would never trust one of your kind so easily.”

“Is that so?” A smirk on my face widened slowly as I came to a stop mere yalms away from them. “ _My_ kind? Don't you think she should be a bit more sensitive to such things? Being so attuned to the Light?” 

I looked back at the Warrior of Light, shrugging my shoulders. “Could you not feel me radiating the opposite? Or perhaps... that is what attracted you so?”

She clenched her jaw, her fists at her sides shaking from the barely contained rage bubbling beneath the surface. 

“What do you want, Ascian?” her friend asked, with no attempt to mask the contempt for me he felt as he tightened his grip on his weapon.

My gaze slid slowly up towards the sky and I blew out a slow breath. “Magnificent, isn’t it? The night sky has always been one of my favorite views,” I murmured. “The problem is… _this_ night sky should not be seen. _This_ night sky is a step in the _wrong_ direction.” 

I looked back at the Warrior of Light. “Do you have any idea how much you have delayed the Rejoining? Just by being here, you have tipped the scale. Just by being the never-failing _hero_ that you are, by _meddling_ in matters that do not concern you, you have disrupted the Light imbalance that had been so carefully crafted. The end was in sight, but you had to come and _ruin_ it all.”

Realization crossed her expression. “This is why you were upset that night. _We_ are the meddlers, the ones preventing you from…” she trailed off, breathing a laugh with a shake of her head. “I take my apology back, _Emet-Selch._ ”

I could not stop the amused grin that spread across my lips. “So much hatred,” I muttered. “So much contempt. Just when I thought you and I had begun to see eye to eye. We certainly were on the same page when we-”

In a flash, the Warrior of Light propelled herself toward me. Her eyes were alight with anger, her jaw clenched. In the background, her friends began exclaiming to be careful, that she shouldn’t engage. Just before her clenched fist made contact, I shifted my weight, dodging the obvious attack with ease.

With a heavy, dramatic sigh, I reached for her wrist, gripping it tightly and holding it above her head. In a swift movement, I wrapped my other arm around her and pulled her flush against me.

“No need to resort to such violence, Warrior,” I chided softly as she tried to wrench her wrist free. She lifted her other hand against my chest, pushing with all her strength.

“Release her, Emet-Selch,” one of her companions threatened, the sounds of weapons being drawn ringing clear in the air.

“I wouldn’t do anything rash, if I were you,” I replied coolly, my eyes still locked on the Warrior of Light’s as she continued to struggle against my grasp. “You wouldn’t want anything to happen to your hero, would you?”

The gunbreaker clicked his tongue, and from the periphery of my vision, I saw the same weapons being lowered.

“Now,” I started, lessening my grip on the hero’s wrist, “I simply wish to talk. I have a proposition for you.”

“I want nothing to do with you,” she hissed, finally wrenching her hand from my grip. She placed it on my chest to join the other.

“Oh? Is that right?” I mused, lessening my grip on her waist before finally releasing her. “What a shame.”

She narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest, though she did not otherwise move away from me. My eyes flicked down to her soul, noting that the erratic churning of the aether within her appeared... slower. How curious.

“Out with it then.”

I hummed, leaning in toward her, watching as she tilted her body away from me with a click of her tongue. My lips curled up into a smirk.

“Upon careful reflection of our interactions, Warrior of Light,” I started and watched as she tensed, her eyes snapping to her compeers for a moment before turning to meet mine. “I come to you to offer my aid.”

“Well, that’s great but I’m afraid I’m going to have to-” She paused, her eyes widening slightly. “Aid?”

“Indeed,” I confirmed. Her eyes narrowed again. “Cooperation, hero. I’m offering cooperation.”

“What could we possibly hope to gain from cooperating with the likes of you?” the gunbreaker asked, vitriol in his every word. The Warrior of Light took a small step back.

“I have a great wealth of knowledge, you see,” I said, my gaze still locked with the hero’s. “Not to mention, formidable strength.” She scoffed. “Do you find that difficult to believe?”

She rolled her eyes, turning her head away from me and I smirked. She looked at me from the corner of her eye as I raised my hand slowly, gripping her chin gently to turn her to look at me once more. 

Her eyes searched mine, a flush building in her cheeks despite the cold facade she had attempted to present.

“Do you think because you bested one of my brethren that you could easily push me aside?” I asked, tightening my hold on her chin. “When you know nothing about me?”

When she said nothing, I released her chin, my index finger lingering underneath it.

“I will lend you my knowledge and strength in your hunt for the Lightwardens,” I said softly, “I will not impede in your search, nor will I raise a hand against you and yours.”

“After all of this time,” the male twin started, skepticism clear in his voice, “All the Ascians have ever done was to bring about the Rejoining at the cost of countless lives. How do you expect us to believe your objective or motives have changed?”

“Have they?” I asked, my eyes still roaming the Warrior’s expression, watching her resolve slip. “My objective has ever been the same, but as for my motives…” I slowly tilted her chin upward, taking a final step forward to close the small distance she had created between us.

Her breath caught, her gaze flicking to my lips for a split second before she pulled her lips into a tight line and I breathed a laugh. 

“Come now. There’s no need to be so cold towards me. Not after all we’ve shared,” I whispered, as I leaned down to bring our faces mere ilms apart. “What say you, dear Warrior of Light?”


	5. Warrior of Light

“I am Emet-Selch.” 

“An Ascian,” I breathed, nearly stumbling backwards as he  _ finally _ revealed who he really was, the shock of his true identity knocking the breath from me, my knees almost giving out from under me. My eyes widened in disbelief, shaking my head as I battled the tears that were beginning to form in the corners of my eyes.

_ What? _

I had…I had taken  _ his _ advice. I had let my walls down. I had  _ given myself _ to him, willingly. Seven hells, I had even  _ instigated _ it. 

I felt bile begin to rise up my throat as I recalled his fingers between my legs, his lips on my skin...how good he had made me feel- how my soul calmed at his very presence. 

I felt dirty. Repulsed at him...and at myself. How had I let this happen? I  _ knew _ something was amiss with him from the very start. Garleans do not naturally possess magic- even the royal ones, and he had shown no signs of experimentation. And he-he had claimed that he had been on a long journey to right the wrongs done to his people. How had I...completely missed that? 

I had been foolish. Mindless. I had wanted to trust him- as a native of the Source, no matter where he hailed from. I wanted to believe we were the same, that his mission was not so different from my own. 

In my lust, I had overlooked it all. I had  _ allowed _ this to happen. It was almost laughable.

I had wanted so badly to trust him, no matter how suspicious his circumstances were, and so I had. How naive I had been.

I  _ should _ have seen it.

And he… he had known all along. 

He  _ knew _ who I was. He knew  _ exactly _ who he was bedding, exactly who he was manipulating.

But he had also... 

My chin trembled as I battled with my thoughts. I swallowed my sob and the sickness back down my throat.

“You  _ lied _ to me, _ ”  _ I bit out finally, struggling to keep my composure. 

He denied it, of course, claiming he’d told me nothing  _ but _ the truth. I almost wanted to laugh at how ridiculous it was.

I took a step towards him, hands hovering over my weapons as my fury rose. And still, he continued trying to rile me up, hinting  _ aloud _ of the time we had spent together behind closed doors, teasing me so that I might give in to...whatever it was he had planned. 

I wanted nothing more than to cut him to ribbons- to be rid of him, of my embarrassment and my shame. 

He sighed, shaking his head in disappointment, as if I  _ insisted _ on remaining angry with him after what he had shared. Did he  _ really _ expect me to accept him with open arms? 

He examined my face, my stance and body language not going unnoticed, though he seemed utterly unconcerned.

“It is a pity none of your friends have seen the same  _ passionate _ spark within you that I have,” he began again, then motioned to me, to how I was standing. “This display of yours but scratches the surface.” 

Just then, there was a playful glint in his eyes that I recognized and I tensed, looking over my shoulder at the Scions, who stood looking between us in utter confusion.

“I am  _ truly _ honored to have lent you my ear when you otherwise opt to be silent and brooding, hero.”

“What does he mean?” Alisaie demanded, finally deciding to be the one who spoke up. She took a few steps forward, alarm on her face. I opened my mouth to respond, but I saw the Ascian starting to close the distance between us out of the corner of my eye and my head whipped around to face him once more.

“Yes, whatever could I mean?” he teased, faux surprise and wonder in his voice as he looked down at me. I closed my eyes, my whole body beginning to shake with my barely contained rage.

_ Befriended _ an Ascian?  _ Never _ .

What would Alisaie think of me if she knew the truth? If she knew I  _ had _ trusted him so easily? Would they all be equally as disgusted with me as I was with myself? 

“Could you not feel me radiating the opposite?” he asked me, leaning over slightly to catch my eyes. “Or perhaps...that is what attracted you so?”

My jaw clenched, and my hands balled into fists. I had no argument. I had  _ known _ there was something off about him. Something that had drawn me to him, something that put me at ease. Something that I didn’t bother pursuing. Something that I  _ willingly ignored _ . I hadn’t wanted to explain it then- nor did I want to begin trying now.

That being said, he could have told me at any time and yet, he did not. He may not have lied to me outright, but he certainly decided to  _ omit _ the most important part. And that certainly did him no favors.

Though...would it have made a difference? Would I not have reacted the same way then, too?

His speech continued- how we’d ruined everything just by being here. How his carefully laid plan was in nothing but tatters now that we had meddled... and a realization crossed me. 

_ We _ had been the ones he had spoken of that day in Eulmore.  _ Why _ he was not his usual self the night I found him in the courtyard outside the Ocular, watching the sky with a frown. 

It was all I could do to muster an unamused laugh. I shook my head.

_ Never _ would I be sorry for protecting this world from the likes of  _ him _ .

“So much hatred,” he remarked, the grin on his face widening, fueling my rage further. “So much contempt. Just when I thought you and I had begun to see eye to eye. We certainly were on the same page when we-”

The anger welling within me spilled over. I was unable to hold myself back a moment longer as I launched myself towards him, disregarding my weapon and opting instead for my fist. 

Behind me, there were shouts, pleading with me to  _ stop _ . I ignored them, pulling my arm back, ready to strike him right in the face, if only to get him to  _ stop speaking _ . 

Instead, when my hand was a mere ilm from his cheek, he shifted to the side, a bored, pitying expression on his face. 

He gripped my wrist and held it up, away from him. When I tried to wrench it out of his grasp, his other arm wrapped around my back, firmly holding me against him. Suddenly, the scorching heat in my soul began to cool, the constant writhing I felt easing.

It took  _ everything _ in me not to relax.

The Scions immediately drew their weapons, demanding my release.

“I wouldn’t do anything rash if I were you,” he warned them as he continued looking down at me, watching as I pushed against his chest, struggling to free myself.

_Stop_ , my mind demanded. _Let me go._ _Please._

“I have a proposition for you,” he said finally, once my friends had lowered their weapons. The grip on my wrist lessened and I forced it free of his hand.

“I want nothing to do with you,” I bit out, pushing against his chest once more. 

“Oh? Is that right?” He asked me, amusement in his tone. His arm dropped from around my waist and I crossed both of mine over my chest with a huff. “What a shame.”

“Out with it then,” I demanded impatiently, leaning heavily on one leg, my hip jutting out. With a hum, he leaned in towards me. I clicked my tongue and tilted myself backwards, my rejection of  _ whatever _ it was he wanted me to consider on the tip of my tongue.

“I come to you to offer you my aid.”

“Well, that’s great but I’m afraid I’m going to have to-”

Wait.  _ What? _ My eyes widened, mouth nearly dropping open. 

“Cooperation, hero,” the Ascian explained further. My brow furrowed. 

Was he...being truthful? I took a step back from him. 

He  _ couldn’t _ be. He-He was- 

“Do you find that difficult to believe?”

My mind flashed to the night we had spent together. Panic and confusion on his face as he hovered above me, but relief as well. On the verge of tears. At that time, he had known for a long while who I was so...why would he…?

_ No.  _

I rolled my eyes, averting my gaze to the side. It  _ was _ difficult to believe, I told myself. He was an  _ Ascian _ . 

We had  _ no _ common ground.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him raise a hand. Before I was able to react, he gently gripped my chin and tilted my face back towards his. His gaze locked with mine once more and I examined the gold of his eyes. How the look in them looked... _ genuine. _

My cheeks flushed. I pressed my lips together.

“Do you think because you bested one of my brethren that you could easily push me aside?” He asked, his voice soft, quiet as his eyes searched mine. I attempted to look away, but his hand tightened on my face. “When you know nothing about me?” 

_ Don’t- Don’t look at me like that. _

_ I couldn’t- _

His grip loosened, one finger lingering under my chin, ensuring that I continued looking only at  _ him _ .

He knew my resolve was dwindling- that he was effectively wearing me down, just as he had planned, though I still could not figure out to  _ what end _ .  _ Why _ ? What had changed?

_ No _ , I tried to reason with myself. 

No, it couldn’t be like this.

I felt more heat rise to my cheeks regardless, as he moved his hand to tilt my face up. He took the final step towards me, so close I could feel the material of his tunic brush against me. My breath caught as I nearly melted- just as I had before, unable to keep my eyes from travelling to his lips.

I could almost feel them on mine again, soft and warm-

No. No, no, no-

I pursed my lips again as my gaze flicked back to his, and he breathed a laugh. 

“Come now,” he chuckled. “There’s no need to be so cold towards me. Not after all we’ve shared.” He leaned down to me, his words no louder than a whisper.  _ Gods _ , that voice. He was so- 

“What say you, dear Warrior of Light?”

Without thinking, I felt myself drawing closer to him. My mind was screaming at me, telling me to move away from him. To think of my mission, my friends, the world. To think of all of the hardships his kind had put me and mine through. 

My body, however, yearned to feel his touch again, my heart beating erratically in my chest at the prospect of feeling his mouth joined with mine once more and I ignored the thoughts spinning through my head. This was deeper than just a carnal need- I felt this pull in the very depths of my being as I remembered the night we had shared.

How he had felt like...home. 

But...he was...I couldn’t…

This...feeling...

I released an unsteady breath as my eyes slid shut and I began leaning into him, his fingers guiding me forward.

I could feel the whisper of his lips against mine and-

“What are you doing?” Alisaie shrieked as her fingers wrapped around my arm and jerked me backwards, shocking me back into reality. I blinked in confusion, shaking my head to clear the haze my mind seemed to be in.

She was right.  _ What was I doing? _

I stumbled backwards, just in time to see one of Urianger’s cards hurtle through the air. Emet-Selch disappeared in a cloud of black smoke before it could touch him.

“Thou hast delivered thy proposal, and we would not dismiss it outright,” the astrologian began. “Now pray, leave us be so that we may discuss this issue in private.”

There was a hum behind us and we spun to find the Ascian stepping out of his portal. He hummed as he examined me again, from top to bottom. Alisaie gently put her hand on my arm again, her other reaching for the rapier at her side as Emet-Selch and I stared at each other in silence, my heartbeat pounding in my ears. My friends tensed again, making sure to get between us, trying to obscure his view of me. A smirk spread across his lips again and he turned on his heel.

“I will take my leave, then, friends,” he teased, then paused, looking over his shoulder. His eyes found mine again and my breath caught at the intensity of his gaze. “But rest assured, I will be back for  _ your _ answer at a later time.”

With naught but a dramatic wave, he was gone. 

Immediately, the Scions circled around me and I blew out a breath, readying myself for the questions that were bound to follow. Thancred opened his mouth, surely to  _ yell _ as he always did, or at the very  _ least _ say something explosive and my gaze dropped to the ground, as I prepared to be chided like a child, but Urianger put a hand on his arm.

“Mayhap we should reprise the Crystal Exarch of these most recent events before we jump to conclusions,” he suggested, softly. I watched him glance over to me for a moment, his eyes inspecting me thoroughly. “Perhaps there is more than meets the eye.”

The gunbreaker pursed his lips, looking at me from the corner of his eye. With a sigh, he nodded and turned to head up the stairs, Minfilia close on his heels, looking over her shoulder at me with a worried expression in her glowing eyes. 

Now that the excitement had died down, and my adrenaline with it, I felt my limbs starting to become heavy, my whole body shaking with exhaustion. When I felt a hand on my back, I looked to my side to find Alphinaud next to me. I realized he must have noticed when he smiled softly and began helping me up the stairs.

_ Soon _ , I told myself as I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes to try and quell the brewing tempest behind them. Soon I would be able to rest, I hoped, and forget about this living nightmare for a few hours.

The Exarch was waiting for us when we entered the tower. Not that I expected him to be anywhere else- the man never seemed to leave.

“I watched the conversation from here,” he started, motioning to the portal behind him, then lifted a hand to his mouth in thought. “I had...sensed an extreme concentration of aether in the city before. More than once. I was unable to pinpoint the source of it until tonight, likely due to the fact that he was using an illusion...” He paused for a moment, letting us absorb this information. “What he has suggested is an interesting prospect, to be sure.”

“You can’t mean to think that he was...sincere, do you?” Alisaie asked, putting her hands on her hips. He hummed in response to her question, his head turning towards me.

“This...Emet-Selch,” he began again. “Mentioned many a time that you and he had previously met.”

I sighed through my nose, annoyance creeping back into the edges of my mind, and nodded. 

Twelve, I just wanted to  _ lay down _ .

“And...the manner of these meetings?”

“Well-” The last night we had spent together flashed in my mind- my hand down his pants as he- I cleared my throat. “I- We...talked.” 

My friends were silent, expecting me to continue and divulge the secrets I had been keeping from them. I sighed again, raising my arm to rub at the back of my neck. 

“I don’t...really remember much about the first time I met him,” I admitted, glancing sidelong at Alisaie. “It was the same night Tesleen had...and we were at the bar.” She pursed her lips and nodded. “When Lyna took you back to your room, he was just  _ there _ .”

I looked to the side, lowering my arm and crossing both over my chest.

“I suppose, now with a clear head, I can assume he meant to...seduce me, but for what reason I am unsure.”

I heard his voice echo through my head, then. 

_ Assumptions are a dangerous thing. We’ve been over this. _

I cringed, trying my very best  _ not _ to think about that night. No matter my display outside just minutes before, my heart ached still with betrayal.

“Surely, Exarch,” Alphinaud began. “You saw what transpired. When this Ascian got close to her, she...changed. Could he have done something to her? To her mind?”

“That seems likely. Ascians are master manipulators, afterall,” Thancred interjected, his eyes examining me from top to bottom. “Though whether that influence was magical or not remains to be seen.”

The Crystal Exarch held his hand out to me. Even beneath the cowl I could tell he was concentrating hard, examining my aether. Whatever he saw made him frown, and he dropped his hand as he tilted his head. 

“What didst thou see?” Urianger inquired, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“A miasma of dark energy is surrounding her.” The elezen nodded in agreement.

“Yes, ‘tis what I also beheld.”

“So he  _ did _ do something to her?” 

Did he?

I lifted my hand, inspecting my palm, as if I could see his dark aether moving about my body.

My heartbeat picked up at the thought that he had manipulated my mind to think how  _ he _ wanted me to think. Something deep inside of me desperately wanted that to be false, but at the same time...were those thoughts his or mine?

How could I feel this way for someone like  _ him _ ?

It...it would make sense. The way my very soul seemed to calm around him… How had I not noticed it earlier? 

It seemed to be a recent pattern. 

I wrapped my arms around myself, uncertainty once more filling my mind. No matter the relief I felt from his closeness, I also felt unclean… exposed… and used, more so than I already had been lately. 

“I am not saying that,” the Exarch assured the twin and I paused. “Even inside the tower, I could feel the immense amount of power that he contains. The aether around her is not strong and seems to be dissipating. This could merely be the result of him being in such close quarters to her, as powerful as he is.” His voice turned bitter, then. “And he  _ touched _ her. He could have left...a residue of his energy.”

Some part of me eased at his words, hopeful that he was correct. 

But...why? Why did I hope he was correct? Surely, I should  _ want _ my mind to have been tampered with to explain my behavior...right?

Or did I...want to have a reason to trust this Ascian? 

After fighting with his predecessors for so long… did some part of me yearn for the cooperation he offered? A chance to...really see eye-to-eye? 

Was it...possible?

And if I wasn’t fighting my exhaustion, I would be more fascinated with the Exarch’s turn of tone. His biting words when he mentioned that Emet-Selch had touched me.

I rubbed my face with one hand and sighed once more. I just...wanted to sleep. This day had been so taxing...

“What do you suggest?” I asked, not bothering to mask the tiredness in my voice.

“If you are amenable, I’d like for you to remain in the Crystarium for now and have one of the Scions keep an eye on you,” he answered, looking expectantly at my friends. Each of them nodded their agreement- of course they would help. “Until the darkness has subsided, that is. It should not take more than…” He tapped his chin. “Three days at the very most, so long as your mind has not been tampered with.”

I looked to the ground, battling the roll of my eyes and annoyed clench of my jaw. Surely this wouldn’t be  _ too _ much of an extra burden, right? Only a few days...

I felt a hand on my shoulder and lifted my head to find the Exarch giving me an encouraging smile as the rest of my friends gathered together to discuss some kind of schedule.

“I know it’s not an ideal situation, my friend,” he said, sadly. “But it  _ is _ for the best. I trust you know that?” I huffed a humorless laugh and forced a small smile to my lips.

“Of course,” I said, quietly. “I don’t fault you for it.” He nodded his head and squeezed my shoulder.

“I’m sure it’s nothing. You’ll be off adventuring again in no time.”

I hummed noncommittally and turned to find Alisaie heading my way. The Exarch released my shoulder, patting me gently on the back.

“I could tell from the moment you walked in that you were ready to drop. Why don’t you go get some rest? You’ve earned it.” It was my turn to nod and then went to meet the twin.

“Seems that I’m up first,” she announced. “I need to pick up some things from my own room, but I’ll be along shortly.”

When I finally opened the door to my inn room, I found a basket of sandwiches sitting on my table. My stomach churned slightly at the thought of food- or was that the Light? I could not tell.

“From the Exarch, is it?” a voice said behind me. I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound, but quickly took control of myself and turned, finding Ardbert standing there, observing the Exarch’s gift. “With that mirror of his, he can watch your every move, you know,” he reminded me, a hint of knowing in his voice. “But, at least he’s keeping you well-fed, I suppose.”

My brow furrowed, a surge of panic welling within me. It hadn’t even occurred to me that...the Exarch could have been…

No. He wasn’t though, was he? Not yet, anyway. He had said he wasn’t able to pinpoint the Ascian’s location before. And he didn’t seem to have any idea that…

I peered at Ardbert, then, suspicious.

“You…”

“Judging by his people’s faith in him though, he seems to be a decent sort, doesn’t he?” the warrior continued. I crossed my arms across my chest and pursed my lips. I could tell he had noticed, though he ignored the glare I was giving him. “But so much about him remains shrouded in mystery. Back in my day, there was no such person.” He lifted a hand to his lips in thought, still examining the sandwiches. “Of course, a lot has happened since the Flood, when I was...set adrift. Sadly, I know little more than you do.”

“Are you going to get to the point?” I asked him, dropping my arms. “One of my companions will be here soon, and I’d appreciate the chance to soak up the silence as long as I can.” He arched an eyebrow at my words.

“In a bad mood, are you?”

With a sigh, I wrenched a chair out from under the dining table and dropped into it. 

“I’m sure you’re well aware.”

“You should be more concerned about Emet-Selch.” I huffed a laugh at his audacity, suddenly sitting straight.

“What? Do you not think that I am?” He shrugged his shoulders.

“You seem more preoccupied with your loss of privacy than the  _ Ascian _ you recently shared a bed with.” I flushed, my eyes widening. 

“Y-you-!”

“Calm down,” he ordered and my jaw clenched. “Yes, I...know what happened between the two of you. It was not my intent to pry, and I did not  _ see _ much.” He shook his head, looking down at his hands. “I simply felt...your panic. I don’t know how I  _ knew _ it was you, but I did. When I entered the room,  _ he _ was leaving.” I released a deep breath through my nose and slumped back into the chair again.

“You  _ cannot _ trust him, Warrior of Light. No matter what you feel for him. No matter how pretty and sincere his words seemed.” 

“I...know,” I said, quietly, sadly, fiddling with the sleeves of my shirt. Ardbert paused and turned to face me again. He examined me in silence for a moment before he continued.

“When our world was about to be consumed by Light, we were approached by an Ascian in white.”

“Elidibus,” I muttered. 

“He said the only way for us to live on was to bring about the Rejoining.” He crossed his arms over his chest and looked towards the wall, his eyes far, far away as he remembered. “We were desperate and heeded his words, not realizing that the Flood was of the Ascian’s own making.” He sighed. “None of them can be trusted.”

I leaned forward, laying my forehead against the surface of the table.

“That being said,” he said, softly. “You  _ cannot _ fight blindly. That’s what we did and it cost us everything.” I closed my eyes, heaving another sigh.

“My mind is telling me not to trust him,” I admitted, opening my eyes again, staring down at the rug. “My friends are telling me not to trust him. You. And yet, I still find myself…”

When my words trailed off, a silence stretched between us as if he wasn’t even there. I glanced out of the corner of my eye to make sure his glowing feet were still there. I imagined he had no words for me- that he knew what I was feeling. 

“What should I do?” I asked, my voice nearly a whisper.

“Keep him at a distance, I’d say,” he replied. “He is offering information, yes? So, take him up on his offer if you must. Try to discern his sincerity, his motives. Take his words with a grain of salt. But,  _ do not _ let him get close to you like that again. Keep your walls up until you are  _ absolutely sure _ , beyond the shadow of a doubt, that he is not manipulating you.”

With a sigh, I lifted my head and nodded, but before either of us could say another word, there was a knock on my door. 

Alisaie.

When I looked back to where Ardbert had just been, he was gone. I pursed my lips but stood and went to answer the door. 

“You don’t mind if I take a bath in your bathing room, do you?” the twin asked as I held the door open for her. I breathed a laugh and shook my head, holding my hand out towards the requested room. 

When we finally settled into bed, her back pressed against mine, I stared out into the darkness for a long while, imagining Emet-Selch in my bed once more. As I drifted off, I could almost feel his presence, a balm to my blazing soul, standing on the floor before me, reaching to tuck my stray lock of hair behind my ear. 

As betrayed as I felt… No matter Ardbert’s words...

What I would give to  _ really _ have him…

In the morning, my mind was a torrent of uncertainty and self-doubt. 

Alisaie, sensing my need for a  _ small _ amount of privacy, headed to breakfast as soon as she discerned I was alright, so that I could bathe and dress for the day in the quiet of my room. 

I gazed at myself in the mirror as I fixed my damp hair, searching for any kind of change. As if any changes would be physical. 

I clicked my tongue and rolled my eyes, tossing my brush back onto the counter before roughly pulling the locks back into a tail. 

I was being ridiculous.  _ Of course _ he wouldn’t make it obvious. 

I huffed in frustration and gripped the countertop for a moment, attempting to collect myself before heading out and facing my friends. 

I looked at my reflection in the mirror once more, letting the mask slip back on. I nodded to myself and straightened, then headed for the door. 

But when I opened it,  _ he _ was standing on the other side.


	6. Emet-Selch

“Took you long enough. I genuinely was considering making sure you hadn’t drowned yourself in the tub.”

The Warrior of Light blinked once. Then a second time. 

And then she began closing the door. I shot my hand out, stopping her from shutting it completely and she groaned, throwing her hands up as she stepped back and allowed me to push the door open once more.

“Good morning, hero. Have a good rest?”

“Seven hells,” she muttered, her hands on her hips as she shook her head.

“You know, as someone relatively well-acquainted with the Underworld,” I mused, stepping into her room and closing the door behind me. “I’m not sure where you lot got the seven from. Seems a popular phrase in Eorzea, at the very least.”

“You do realize the Exarch can sense you, right? He’s probably honed in on you and they’ve likely sent the guards,” she said, her arms crossing over her chest.

“Hmmm, no. I do not believe he’d be adept enough to hone in on an illusion. My true form is elsewhere, you see,” I replied, a slow smirk spreading across my lips.

She stared at me for several long moments in silence, her mind clearly churning with whatever thoughts plagued her, before she sighed. “What do you _want_ from me?”

“I honestly don’t know why you seem so surprised to see me,” I said, leaning against the door, crossing my arms over my chest. “I did tell you I would see you soon for your decision, did I not?”

“Right,” she muttered, pursing her lips as she averted her gaze to the floor for only a moment before seeming to steel herself and looking at me. I raised a brow. “Well, I’ve made my decision. I’m not interested in an alliance with an Ascian. So if you could kindly leave me alone-”

“Ah! Just a moment, hero,” I interjected, the corners of my mouth curling into a grin. “I never offered an alliance. Did I?”

“Fine,” she relented with a roll of her eyes. “ _Cooperation._ Not interested.”

I hummed, observing her expression, her posture. The uncertainty in her eyes. The way she appeared to curl in on herself despite attempting to stand tall. With a frown, I shrugged my shoulders.

“Either we cooperate or we oppose one another, Warrior of Light,” I responded after she shifted her weight with discomfort from my prolonged silence. “But I will persist upon this shard, and I will continue doing that which I am adept at. The choice is whether or not we will operate amicably, or continue to be thorns in each other’s sides. And I can’t help but wonder that your decision may have been made with outside influence-”

“The Scions don’t trust you. And… and if they think I shouldn’t trust you then-” She paused when I groaned and rolled my eyes.

“Hero, of the things I care about at this moment, the opinions of the _Scions of the Seventh Dawn_ is decidedly not among them,” I said, heavily mocking the name of their order. “What do _you_ want?” 

“They’ll be expecting me,” she replied, in lieu of responding to my question. “And you’re blocking my way. They’re already suspicious that my mind is controlled by you, and to be honest, I’m a little unsure myself so...”

“Mind control? As in… an enthrallment?” I arched a brow. “How flattering.”

She faltered then, searching my expression for a moment before releasing a slow exhale. “So… you… didn’t then? Do something to my mind?”

“For what it is worth, hero, I did not. I do not believe I would be capable of such a thing, not without _actually_ taking over your body which is… honestly probably impossible these days with the strength of your Blessing,” I muttered, looking her over carefully, my hand on my chin as I considered the logistics of it. “Not that you’d believe me.”

“Do you really expect me to?” 

We locked eyes then, neither of us speaking, the only sounds between us that of the chronometer on the wall and the footsteps outside the door as random patrols went passed.

“How do you feel?” I finally asked, as my gaze flicked to her soul, watching as the Light within her churned erratically with her accelerated heart rate. 

“Why do you care?” she snapped back, narrowing her eyes.

I sighed through my nose, trying not to react to her predictable hostility. “It seemed to help, previously,” I offered, attempting to express my sincerity.

“It doesn’t matter what helped, I don’t _trust_ you. You _lied_ to me,” she muttered and I clicked my tongue, rolling my eyes.

“I did not _lie_. I simply withheld-”

“A lie by omission then!” she shouted suddenly before both of us went very still. After a moment passed and she was certain no one would come to check on her, she sighed heavily, taking large strides toward me before she placed her hand on my shoulder and yanked me from the door in an attempt to move me from her exit.

“I just want you to stay away from me,” she said as she grunted from the strength needed to shove me out of the way. “You’re the reason I’m in this mess.”

“Technically,” I started, as she moved to try to pull me away instead.

“Move,” she demanded, no longer listening to me through her intense focus to leave the room.

I exhaled sharply with thinly veiled annoyance, grabbing her by the wrist and spinning us around so her back was against the door, my hands pinning hers above her head against its surface. 

“Technically,” I repeated, speaking softly, her face mere ilms from my own. “The Exarch is the reason you’re in this mess.”

I watched the indignation flare in her eyes, how she tried to stand taller. Appear more threatening despite being pinned. Not that I underestimated her strength in the slightest. 

“Let me go, Ascian.”

“Stop trying to avoid responding to me, then,” I snapped as she tried to pull her hands out of my grasp. I pressed them harder against the wood. After a moment, she relaxed, and when I was sure she had opted not to resist I lessened my grip on her wrists.

“No, I’m in this mess because of whatever residual darkness you left behind when you touched me,” she muttered, looking off to the side. “And now, I’m willing to bet it’ll just be renewed. Which would be _perfect_ because then they’ll never let me be.”

“Ahh, I see…” I murmured as I looked down at her chest, observing her soul. 

The brightness was slightly muted compared to when I arrived and I narrowed my eyes, carefully searching for the traces of the Darkness within her. There, at the surface, was a thin layer of my own aether that I had unconsciously placed with my touch in order to dull the blinding nature of the Light within her soul. 

“That’s why they stationed the twin with you,” I mused, as realization flooded me. “A meaningless effort. If I wanted to, I could have plucked you out from under your slumbering bodyguard’s nose last night.”

She tensed but made no comment.

“I could simply remove it,” I offered with a shrug. “If it will stop them from monitoring you.”

The Warrior sighed, looking back at me, though her eyes did not meet mine.

“Let me go,” she reiterated, without the same conviction in her tone from mere moments prior.

“It's curious, Warrior of Light,” I finally said after three clicks of the chronometer on the wall. “Your astrologian friend was rid of my illusion with but a flick of a card, and I assume you possess far more strength than him... and yet you have chosen to continue to suffer my company. Perhaps... you do not _truly_ wish me to leave?”

Her eyes finally met mine, widening slightly and I removed one of my hands from her wrists, moving to trail my finger down the side of her face slowly. Her cheeks flushed at the contact, her eyes darting quickly as she searched my face.

“While we’re being candid with one another,” I mused, leaning in closer to her so our faces were a hair’s breadth apart. “This arrangement is horribly inconvenient. For both parties involved, I would wager.”

“Don’t-” She took a deep breath, her exhale unsteady. “Don’t change the subject,” she whispered, visibly swallowing. “I know you’re just trying to distract me.”

“Oh? Am I? From what, exactly?” I whispered with a grin, bringing my hand to gently grip her chin. 

“You’re an _Ascian_. What else could you want from me?” 

I searched her eyes, tilted her face up slightly toward mine. Her breath caught. “Only _I_ can calm the Light for you, sweet hero,” I murmured, the change in position allowing our lips to brush with each word. “It will get worse.”

“I don’t… I don’t trust you,” she said, shutting her eyes tightly as her body tensed. “You tricked me and I can’t figure out _why_ you’d want to help me. All I can think of is that you want me to let my guard down so you can get rid of me.”

“I am the same man I was that night,” I started, pulling back slightly and releasing her chin. Her eyes slowly slid open once more. “If I did not harm you then, why would I harm you now?”

She furrowed her brow, pursing her lips. The chronometer on the wall began to chime and her eyes slowly slid to it. “I’m expected at breakfast,” she murmured.

I exhaled slowly through my nose, giving her a small nod. I had expected this response once she knew who I truly was but it seemed her friends held a more significant sway than I anticipated. 

“Shall I remove the Darkness then?” I offered once more, speaking barely above a whisper as I finally removed my hand from her wrists, placing them both on either side of her head against the door.

She paused, seemingly to genuinely consider the offer before shaking her head slowly. “No. No, I think if it vanished it would make them even more suspicious. Let it dissipate.”

She began to move, beginning to duck underneath my outstretched arm. Quickly, before she could realize what I was doing, I shifted to match her movement, catching her lips with my own. In part, because I could not help myself, but also to see how she would respond. 

She tensed but did not immediately push me away, and I took the opportunity to take the final step toward her, bringing my body flush against hers, my hands moving to cradle the sides of her face.

A soft whimper escaped her as she relaxed into me, her arms wrapping around my neck as she returned my affections. I hummed against her lips, kissing her with fervor, sliding my hands down to wrap around her and pull her firmly against me.

Suddenly, she gasped against my lips and pulled her mouth from mine. Eyes wide and panting, she shook her head and moved her hands to my chest to push me away. I immediately obliged with a click of my tongue and took a step back from her.

“You can’t just-” she started, her breathing labored as a hand went to rest above her heart. I began reaching my hand for her once more, only to have her bat it away frantically. “We can’t-”

With an exasperated sigh, she turned on her heel, her hand going to the doorknob and wrenching the door open. 

“Before you go,” I mused, trying to hold back my laughter at how flustered she had become, how her cheeks were flushed a crimson red. She stopped mid-stride, looking over her shoulder at me. “At least allow me to lower it to the level it was when I arrived.”

Once she had departed, I dissipated my illusion and breathed a laugh. 

Try as she might to deny it, my aether had provided her a measurable level of comfort from the Light that was roiling around within her. What I had originally done for my own benefit, to lessen the appearance of the Light from the Wardens to be slightly less repulsive… had apparently also calmed it.

Which was most certainly a contribution to how she seemed drawn to me, if only because being near me soothed the burning that the aether caused. But she was just as drawn to me _prior_ to the Lightwardens… so this new development would only help to further my plan.

While she was hesitant to trust me _now_ , once she absorbed more of the Wardens, once the burn of Light became too intense… It was only a matter of time, but if there was a way to convince them to permit me to travel with them, I would not have to wait for opportunities when she was alone to approach.

The more time I would be afforded with her, the more I could convince her of my sincerity. And if I could lead her to believe that I was _truly_ an ally, then perhaps I could lead her to believe that her allegiance to Hydaelyn was a misguided one. Her soul… belonged on _our_ side.

But how? How to convince them that I truly only wished to accompany them to see where their journey would lead? That I was only interested to see if she could handle the stress placed upon her soul? A half-truth perhaps, but half-truths are all I would ever give them.

It seemed my unintentional infusion of the Darkness within her is what aroused their suspicion. They believed the aether they saw was the reason she seemed so drawn to me. If I could remove the Darkness, if I could convince them that it was not my intent to _taint_ their Warrior of Light with my essence, then perhaps…

With a sigh, I made up my mind. I would approach them once more and see how far I could take it.

As I approached the Crystal Tower, I paused, staring up at the structure with a raised brow. This _was_ the same Tower as one from the Source. But… at the current time, it most certainly still existed and remained in its original location.

This Crystal Exarch that the Scions and their hero reported to… he was rarely seen beyond the confines of their city. Did he draw the power from the Tower? It seemed plausible, but to summon souls from the Source to a shard?

From my observations, he himself was of the Source. And since he was not from the First, the Tower must have been brought here _with_ him. And not from the current timeline either.

What a fascinating soul. Troublesome, but fascinating. To traverse time, to be able to extract the hero both body and soul...

My contemplation of the circumstances that led to the Crystal Tower’s presence upon the First was broken by the sound of the doors opening slowly. An armored Viera stepped forth, looking directly at me.

“The Crystal Exarch wishes to speak with you,” she said in her accented voice. 

“And if I did not wish to speak to the Crystal Exarch, what then?” I replied with a raised brow.

“He believes you _do_ wish to speak with him, or else you would not be standing here staring at his Tower,” she retorted. 

I hummed, crossing my arms over my chest. _His_ Tower. As if he had any right to lay claim to such a creation.

“Very well. I’ll see myself in.”

Without another word, I walked through my portal, stepping out into the room that the Exarch was standing in, his back to me as he stared at a large mirror before him.

“I would appreciate it if you would use the door,” he said, speaking calmly once my portal shut behind me. “We’ve no way of knowing how the walls will react to your magic.”

“You needn’t worry about such things. I assure you, the Tower and I are quite capable of peaceful coexistence.”

He nodded stiffly. “But the same cannot be said of you and my visitors, it would seem.”

“Yes,” I mused. “Although not without attempts on my end to see eye to eye, believe me.”

“And what is it you want of their champion?” he asked, finally turning to face me.

“What do I want of their champion indeed…” I murmured, bringing my hand to my chin. “It’s complicated, I’m afraid,” I concluded with a nonchalant shrug of my shoulders.

He hummed, though I could see his jaw clench slightly beneath the cowl. “So long as you do not interfere with their task, so long as you do not intend to blatantly _harm_ …”

“Oh, _no_. We Ascians are not wont to _blatantly_ do anything, rest assured,” I mused and he tilted his head as he considered my words. “I merely wish to watch. They fascinate me, you see. Denizens of the Source frantically scurrying about to save a shard of souls with whom they have no affiliation.”

“Well,” he replied after a moment with a sigh. “It is not me you must convince.” He gestured towards the doors which slowly slid open, and I peered over my shoulder to see the Scions filtering in. “They must trust the validity of your words.”

“I’m afraid they are not willing to listen to the claims of one such as myself. But I will make another attempt, I suppose.”

“I was wondering when we would see you again,” the gunbreaker muttered bitterly, his hand going immediately to his weapon as I turned to face them.

“Did you miss me?” I teased and he narrowed his eyes. “I did tell you it would be soon.”

“Please, my friends,” the Exarch said, his voice continuing to remain calm. “There is no need for jumping to violence.”

“Yes,” I agreed with a slow grin. “Listen to your summoner, would you? I only wish to talk.”

The female twin’s stance turned aggressive despite my words and she scowled at me. “Go on then. We’re all ears.”

“Hmm, my mistake. I should have clarified,” I muttered, furrowing my brow. “I wish to speak with the Warrior of Light. She is your… leader of sorts, is she not? What she says goes?”

“We are all members of a team here, Emet-Selch, not one more influential than the other,” her brother replied, matter-of-factly. 

“Maybe so, but you need her for your little plan, do you not?” I asked, raising a brow. “And thus, if you were to deny her something, or someoneas it were, she may be less inclined to be your fleshy aether vessel. So if it’s all the same to you, I would wait.”

When she finally arrived, her friends turned to face her. “There you are,” the twin said bitterly, sighing as she put her hands on her hips. “You’re just in time to welcome our _guest_.”

I could see the Warrior of Light’s eyes slowly widen when she saw me standing beyond her companions, her jaw dropping for a moment before she clenched it, coming to stand at the fore. 

“Did I not explicitly say that I would be seeing you again soon?” I asked with a smirk and she crossed her arms over her chest, arching a brow. “I made you a promise, did I not? I mean to hold true to my words. I only wish to observe.”

She remained silent, her stance still laced with tension.

“Your Exarch friend in particular has piqued my curiosity. Summoning you all like that. _Most_ impressive.”

At these words, she suddenly changed her posture, taking a step toward me with narrowed eyes. “I never told you-”

“Oh, _please_. It was easy enough to figure out. How else would you have gotten here?”

“Do you _honestly_ expect us to believe you’ve only come to observe?” the gunbreaker asked, his arms crossed over his chest. “Or that you might come to our aid should we ask it?”

“Mm, perhaps it does seem a little farfetched,” I sighed, slumping my shoulders with a dramatic frown. I watched as he narrowed his eyes. “But so long as _she_ believes that I’ve only come to observe, that I will help _her_ should she need it, that will suffice.”

“And if I don’t?” the Warrior of Light asked with a sigh. “If I don’t believe you, what then? If I don’t _want_ your help, what becomes of whatever plan you’ve cooked up?”

I sighed, searching her expression slowly, the suspicion and distaste for my kind clearly visible. 

“How little you think of me,” I muttered sadly, remembering the originator of her soul. I paused before averting my gaze, whispering under my breath, “Such little faith you have in me now.”

No. I could not confuse myself with such things. _She_ was gone. And in her place was the champion who stood for everything we opposed. 

After a moment to compose myself, I looked back at her. She breathed a laugh, shifting her weight from one leg to the other.

“What do you expect? Given _who_ you are, and everything you and yours have done against us?”

“Not only that,” the male twin said, speaking up once more. “But you’ve tampered with her somehow. We’ve discovered the Darkness you placed upon her.”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “I have done no such thing. I could not _tamper_ , as you eloquently put it, with her even if I wanted to.”

He pursed his lips, disbelief in his expression. 

“Prove it,” his sister bit out. “Prove that you haven’t done something to her.”

I hesitated, looking at the twin for a moment with a furrowed brow before exhaling a slow sigh. “It… is not something I am entirely willing to attempt, not without adequate preparation.”

“Liar,” she accused, her eyes narrowed. “You just don’t want us to realize that you _have_ done something.”

I bristled at her words, narrowing my eyes before snapping my gaze back to the Warrior of Light and taking the few steps towards her. “I am going to have to touch you,” I said to her, looking her in the eyes. “It will not be pleasant for either of us.”

She tensed, leaning back slightly from me before sighing and giving me a small nod. Slowly, hesitantly, I raised my hand to her shoulder. When I made contact, I began trying to separate myself from my current vessel and transfer it into her body. She grimaced at the sensation, and within seconds the location our bodies were joined began to glow with radiant Light, burning hot like fire on my palm that traveled up my arm like a jolt of lightning.

I hissed, immediately recoiling my hand away from her. I tore the glove off my fingers, flexing them as I looked down at the angry, red skin and blew out a slow breath. 

“ _Hydaelyn_ is very protective, you see,” I muttered, the goddess’ name like venom on my tongue. I slowly raised my hand to show them the burn that was left behind on my palm. “I could not control her even if it was my intention to do so.” 

The Warrior of Light examined my hand with a growing frown before reaching up to grab my wrist. I flinched at the contact, my arm still pulsating from the damage inflicted by the Blessing of Light. Her friends shifted on their feet slightly, but aside from tensing slightly in her shoulders, she paid them no mind. 

She flipped my hand over in hers, holding it palm-up before hovering her other hand over it. Steadily, she began to conjure forth her magic, her gaze locked on my hand as the spell glowed between us, the warmth spreading from the tips of my fingers all the way up to the ache in my muscles. Moments later, she exhaled a breath, the spell’s work complete.

“Thank you,” I murmured as I flex my fingers slowly, the pain entirely gone. I rolled my shoulder to test the motion, surprise likely evident in my expression that she had not only decided to heal me but also that she has been so thorough.

She gave me a small shrug, bending down to pick up my glove that I had tossed aside. When she stood once more, our eyes locked and she chewed on her lower lip. 

I reached to take the glove from her, our hands lingering together for a moment before she breathed a laugh and lowered hers. Apprehension was clear in her expression as she regarded me and I sighed slowly.

“I don’t like this any more than you do,” I admitted quietly, watching the suspicion swim within her eyes.

“You actively sought me out, Emet-Selch,” she muttered without breaking eye contact. “What does that even _mean_ that you don’t like this?”

"It means exactly what I said,” I replied, slowly sliding my glove back onto my hand. “Everything in my mind rationally is telling me to keep my distance from you, Warrior of Light. That you and I are decidedly _not_ friends. That you will spell my doom.”

I paused, raising my hand slowly before twining that one stubborn lock of her hair around my finger as I had at the bar. The faintest blush spread across her cheeks before I tucked the strands of hair behind her ear. 

“And yet... I find myself unable to stay away.”

Her eyes searched mine slowly, no doubt trying to gauge my sincerity. 

"You think this is some scheme, that I've been trying to manipulate you,” I continued, placing my hand on her cheek as I steadily extracted the traces of my aether that remained within her. “And yes, perhaps at first that was the case. And then... that night, I saw-"

The Crystal Exarch cleared his throat from behind me. Immediately, I dropped my hand and took a step back, not realizing how close we had drifted to each other. Her eyes widened slightly and I looked away, suddenly angry with myself for allowing such vulnerability to show.

How had she managed to wrest so much control over me with naught but a touch of her hand? I shook my head slightly, sighing before I looked beyond her to the Scions who stood at her back. 

“I will make my offer one final time,” I announced to them. “We can cooperate and you get to trounce your Lightwardens, or we will stand opposite each other once more and I will fight you every single step of the way.”

I turned then, opening a portal in front of me, avoiding the Warrior of Light’s gaze.

“For now, I will return to my shadowy vigil. You’ll find that she does not have any traces of Darkness any longer. Whatever it is you decide, do me a favor and make it worth watching, would you?”


	7. Warrior of Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art for this chapter by Nashoki can be found ->> [here](https://twitter.com/nash0k1desu/status/1296856537869082625?s=20)

I released a long exhale, trying to calm the rapid beat of my heart as Emet-Selch walked through his portal and out of the Ocular. The tension began to bleed from my body as I watched my friends relax as well, though it didn’t last for long. My breath caught as the Light kicked up inside of me, beginning its constant, raging battle with my natural aether once more. 

My eyes dropped to the floor as I tried to ignore the slight discomfort in my chest, my hand lifting to my cheek where his had lingered mere moments before.

_ What _ had he seen in me that night? I remembered again how his face had looked, how his demeanor shifted entirely between the door and the bed, how he had let his guard down, if only for a few moments.

And the Echo I’d had...the burning city...

Gods, how badly I  _ wanted _ to believe him, even if he hadn’t been forthright with the entire truth. He was here,  _ now _ , trying to make up for that- or so it seemed, anyway.

He admitted that it had been a scheme at first, but that things had changed since then. Why would he admit to such a thing if it wasn’t true? And  _ what _ was it that had changed?

I cursed myself for feeling the way that I did. For hoping he was not lying to me. 

His kind… had done nothing but cause problems for us. Master manipulators, the lot of them, and I desperately didn’t want to be caught in another one of their tricks.

I couldn’t afford...to let myself fall for him to only have my heart broken when he betrayed me, as he was wont to do...given our dealings in the past.

Frustration rose inside of me. Ardbert had  _ just _ told me last night not to let him get so close to me, and I not only let it happen twice in the same day, I had leaned into it- I had accepted it.  _ Both times.  _ I couldn’t seem to help myself.

Why was it, I wondered, that he seemed foreign and familiar at the same time?

Why couldn’t anything be easy?

“What was that all about?” Alisaie asked as I roughly rubbed my face with my hand in frustration. 

“A vain attempt to make us doubt our course, no doubt,” Thancred sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. The rest of the Scions turned towards him as he spoke. “As if we’d believe a word that passed his lips. Unless…” He glanced over his shoulder to examine me, carefully forming his next sentence.

“Unless  _ you _ think there is some truth in what he says?”

“Me?” I asked, eyes widening as I dropped my arms to my sides, taking a look at their expecting expressions. “But, I thought…”

“He proved quite thoroughly that your mind has not been tampered with- that he  _ cannot _ even attempt it without physical damage,” Alphinaud interjected. “We can now say without a shadow of a doubt that you are yourself.” I swallowed, averting my eyes to the ground with a nod.

“No matter how...skeptical I am to trust him, and no matter how much I do not enjoy watching how close you allow him to get to you,” Thancred began again. “He was right about one thing. Your opinion undeniably means quite a lot to us, and we would have it.” I hummed and lifted a hand to my chest, letting it lie flat over my heart. My mind churned with  _ everything _ that had transpired between us these last weeks.

“I…” I paused, pressing my lips together for a moment. What  _ did _ I believe? “A kernel of truth, perhaps,” I answered finally, with a small shrug of my shoulders. “I suppose I’d be willing to...let him prove himself.” 

Maybe...Maybe if we started small, he might...demonstrate this supposed honesty of his? 

Thancred pursed his lips at my response, but nodded nonetheless.

“Wouldst thou be willing to...confide in us more details of thy prior meetings with him?” Urianger implored me. “Mayhap it could further prove his sincerity in joining us on this mission?”

I blew a sigh out of my nose but nodded once more.

“Like I said before,” I began, clasping my hands in front of me. “He was… just  _ there _ when Lyna took Alisaie back to her room the first night. I know that we spoke about...being natives of the Source and the fact that he was a Garlean… In my inebriated state, I  _ may _ have told him who I was and vaguely explained my reason for being here… But knowing who he is now, I believe he already had at least  _ some _ inkling of both things before I ever spoke about it.” My brow furrowed in concentration as I thought back to that night, trying to remember more than bits and pieces of the conversation. “He said...that he’d also been on an incredibly long journey to...fix the wrongs done to his people? And then I…”

When I paused for a long moment, Alisaie crossed her arms over her chest. “You…?” I flushed, but cleared my throat.

“I don’t remember,” I lied, quickly. I  _ couldn’t _ tell them what I had told him about being lonely, what I had done  _ with _ him- not yet. I spun, trying to hide my pink cheeks. I hummed, pretending to think as I started pacing. “Our next meeting was in Eulmore.”

Realization lit in Alphinaud’s eyes and I came to a stop. “The day you ran off.” I nodded, stiffly. 

“We didn’t speak much then,” I admitted. “Neither of us were very forthcoming with information about ourselves, but he  _ did _ tell me he was an architect ‘ _ of sorts’ _ and that Vauthry had use for him, though I am sure, knowing  _ what _ he is, it is the other way around. He did also inform me of a few of the inner workings of the city, though I  _ know _ he didn’t tell me everything. He knows more.

“The only other time I met him before he revealed himself was the night we defeated the Lightwarden in Holminster Switch. I was out, um…” I hesitated for a moment, trying to find the words. I didn’t think I could reveal I’d been speaking with Ardbert, either, lest they think I really was going insane. “... _ admiring _ the stars and he was there. He  _ knew _ it was me who had restored the sky. I guess we...didn’t really talk then, either.”

“There was nothing else?” Thancred asked, putting his hands on his hips. I shook my head and he raised a brow. “And what happened in the courtyard outside?” I pursed my lips. “You didn’t... seem like yourself.”

“I noticed,” Minfilia’s soft voice spoke up. “That when you are around him, you’re more relaxed. I can only help but wonder if his dark aether soothes the extra Light you’ve taken into your body.” The Exarch brought his free hand to his chin as he considered the girl’s words.

“That’s…,” he started as he thought. “Quite intuitive of you.” He tilted his head as he looked towards me again. “I thought it was but a trick of the light, but perhaps…” He held his hand out towards me, palm out, examining my aether. “The Light  _ is _ brighter now that he has withdrawn his essence. Whether it was intentional on his part or not…it  _ could _ be the reason you seem so drawn to him.”

I bit my lip. He had told me, only that morning, that he was the  _ only _ one who could soothe the torrent… 

I furrowed my brow. But, what I didn’t mention was the fact that I had been drawn to him longer than that. It  _ had _ to be a deeper connection than they knew of, deeper than even  _ I _ knew of. 

But... _ what _ ?

Was that...what he saw?

“Art thou in pain?” Urianger asked as he took in my expression, jolting me from my thoughts. I shook my head. 

“No, it doesn’t...hurt, I suppose, but I can still feel the unnaturalness of it.” He nodded as he hummed in thought.

“The longer it remains inside of you, the more uncomfortable it will become, no doubt,” the Exarch said, words nearly identical to Emet-Selch’s. “The more Light you consume, the more likely it will become painful. We can but hope that it assimilates with your natural abilities sooner rather than later.”

“I am not convinced of his sincerity,” Thancred interjected, bringing the conversation quickly back to the Ascian. “Paltry proof, if you ask me.” 

“I don’t…” I heaved a deep sigh, conflicting feelings coursing through me still. “I don’t know. He’s known who I was since, at least, the first time we met- possibly before that, and his attitude towards me has been the same, if not...dare I say it, a bit nicer. It’s true that he could be manipulating the lot of us with this story but...to what end would we be useful to him alive if he has had ample opportunity to get rid of us? If he was going to harm us- or  _ me _ -, he could have done it many times over by now.”

“I’m inclined to agree,” Alphinaud started. “At the very least, if we allow him to stay close, it could help the Warrior of Light. And if he simply meant to lead us astray, he could have done so without revealing himself- not in the manner he did, anyway.” He motioned towards the hyur, an apology on his face. “We know through experience that Ascians can take over susceptible bodies at will, yet he chose a recognizable face and even made a show of summoning his glyph.” The gunbreaker bristled but had no argument. 

“Of course, it goes without saying that an  _ actual _ alliance with him is out of the question for the time being. We can absolutely  _ not _ trust him. But, since we have no way of knowing his true intentions as of right now, it seems only logical to press on with our mission- even if he is keen to watch us and let us succeed.”

“And at the very least,” Alisaie chimed in. “If he  _ is _ true to his word, he will make our lives easier by not attempting to stop us.”

When we were all in agreement, the Crystal Exarch stepped forward towards us.

“Then let us discuss the sin eaters…”

After the meeting, it was decided that we would split up in search of the remaining Lightwardens. Alphinaud would head to Kholusia with the Crystal Exarch for a meeting with Vauthry and subsequent research. Alisaie would make her way back to Ahm Araeng. The rest of us would head to the Rak’tika Greatwood in search of Y’shtola, with a quick stop at Fort Jobb to retrieve a tablet that may be of some use to her. 

It was also decided that I no longer needed observation- the Ascian had indeed gotten rid of any trace of the darkness he had left in me and I was no longer under suspicion. 

But as I laid in bed alone that night, tired as I was, I could not rest with the burning in my chest. When the chronometer struck one in the morning, I sat up with a frustrated grunt and stomped all the way down to the apothecary for a potion to help me sleep, which they happily gave.

The moment I got back to my room, I tipped the vial back, letting the bitter draft slide down my throat. I set the glass on the nightstand and slid back into bed, waiting for its effects to take hold of me. 

With a sigh, I turned onto my side and closed my eyes, trying not to focus on the Light. 

But, no matter how hard I tried, the same thoughts found themselves spinning circles in my mind, the aether responding in kind to my continuously declining mood.

When I opened my eyes again, even through the blurring edges of my vision, I found the Ascian standing at my bedside. My brow furrowed and I blinked several times, trying to discern if he was  _ actually _ in my room or if it was the potion playing tricks on me.

“Are…Are you real?” I asked softly. 

He breathed a laugh and knelt down next to me, eyes searching my face as he began removing one of his white gloves. He gently laid it on the edge of the mattress and reached to place the same hand on my cheek. 

“Do you want me to be?” I tensed, but the moment his palm came into contact with my face, I felt his cool aether flow into my body, effectively calming the thrashing until it was naught but a thought in the back of my mind..

_ No _ , I wanted to say. I  _ wanted _ to be mad at him. I  _ should _ be mad at him. I should  _ hate _ him for how I’d been treated by his brethren, by him. 

But I found that...the more I thought about it, especially as I spied that  _ look _ in his eyes when he beheld me, I was unable to hold on to my anger for very long. My mind was...so conflicted.

Unable to hold back the sigh of relief, I relaxed again and lifted my own hand from under the blanket, hesitating for only a moment before laying it over his, a sad smile spreading across my lips.

“Thank you,” I breathed in lieu of an answer. His thumb stroked the length of the bone as he watched me, a sadness of his own in his eyes.

“Does it hurt, hero?” I shook my head, slightly.

“No, but…”

“It’s still keeping you awake?” I huffed a humorless laugh.

“It’s not the only thing,” I admitted. He tilted his head, curiosity piquing on his face. I averted my gaze from his. “I’m so...confused when it comes to you.” He tugged on my chin, prompting me to look at him again.

“You don’t have to be. Everything I have spoken to you has been the truth,” he insisted, his voice nothing more than a whisper. I curled my fingers around his, my smile softening. 

“You have no idea how much I would like to believe that. How much I want to believe in  _ you _ . But you…” I sighed again. “You and I are  _ supposed  _ to be at each other's throats, aren’t we?” He chuckled. 

“That  _ is _ one way to put it, I suppose.”

“What is it about you, I wonder, that makes me want to forget about the past between our two peoples...and accept your proposal?”

He hummed, a wistful smile spreading across his lips as he lifted our joined hands away from my cheek, setting them down on the mattress between us, his. His other hand moved to brush some hair that had fallen in my eyes.

“How are you feeling?” 

“Not answering my questions again, I see,” I teased, forcing the smile to remain on my lips, attempting to keep the mood light despite the sob I could feel clawing up my throat. 

“Ah, merely payback for refusing to answer  _ mine _ .” A comfortable silence fell between us, but soon my face fell and I exhaled a deep breath.

“I’m...scared.” I knew this wasn’t what he was asking of me, but who else could I tell? Out of all of my companions, he had so far proven to be the most untrustworthy, but at the same time, I felt he was the  _ only _ one I would be able to confide such things in. In fact, I already had. 

His brow shot up in surprise at my candor.

“ _ You _ , scared?” A muted grin appeared on his mouth and he chuckled, quietly. “I don’t believe it.” With another sigh, I turned to lay on my back, keeping my hand locked with his. I stared up at the ceiling.

“I’m not some all-powerful, unfeeling being, you know,” I admonished him. “I still have feelings.” Which he had  _ so thoroughly _ trampled over. He was silent for a long moment, the deeper meaning clearly not lost on him.

“Yes, of course you do, sweet hero. It was a poor attempt at humor.” I hummed as he paused again. He turned his hand in mine so that he could grip it. “What is it, then, that you are so scared of?” I swallowed hard. I knew, if he was real, he could and would likely use my secrets against me at some point, but the pressure placed upon me was nearing a breaking point...and I didn’t know where else to turn.

“I’m afraid that...I won’t make it out this time,” I continued slowly, trying to keep my voice even as tears welled in my eyes. I put my free hand over them and inhaled a shaky breath, trying to force them away. “Admittedly, I was  _ lucky _ to make it out alive from my most recent adventures. I knew from the start that there were dangers in accepting this quest and I still agreed to it but...I’m not ready to die yet.” I clenched my jaw when I’d finished, swallowing the sob that was stuck in my throat. “I was so quickly thrust into this fate, I never  _ really _ had the chance to live.”

Emet-Selch was quiet for a long time, mind no doubt sifting through our previous conversations, realizing that my confidence was more than likely just a front. That the brewing tempest of emotions was buried deep down inside of me, only to resurface during times like this- when I was alone, in the quiet of the night- and  _ no one _ knew.

Except for him. 

His silence only confirmed my fears- that I would likely not survive this venture. He claimed he would not lie to me, and he had no comforting, truthful words to share with me. My jaw trembled as the silence stretched between us. 

After a while, he sighed, arm reaching to remove the hand that remained over my face. His golden eyes examined me for a moment as he wiped the water from my cheeks.

“I can stay,” he offered, instead. “If you’d like.”

Those words struck a chord inside of me. He would...do that for me? Even my own friends...hadn’t offered  _ anything _ like this before, and how long had we known each other? 

If this was the means of comfort he could provide, I would take it. 

I continued staring up at the ceiling as I felt my face crumple at his offer, my hand tightening around his, unable to speak my words of agreement. 

“Oh, hero,” he cooed quietly, gripping my chin, gently. He tilted my head towards him, and when my eyes finally fell on his face, he nodded, gaze following the streams of tears that fell. “That’s right, just look at me.”

I blew out a steadying breath and did as he said, trying to stop the water from forming in my eyes as the remained glued to his. I rolled onto my side again, curling my body in his direction, and eventually, I found myself unable to keep my eyes open, the potion finally and completely taking hold of my mind, lulling me into calm, cool darkness.

How sad would I be when I woke up in the morning, only to realize this had all been a dream? That it had merely been a side-effect of the draft I’d taken?

“I...didn’t want to stay away from you, my love,” I heard his voice whisper as my consciousness was fading. “Now that I’ve found you again.”

That night, I dreamt of a marvelous city...and a happy life.

In the morning, the sunlight streaming through the windows woke me. I opened my eyes, blinking away the blurriness until I could clearly focus on the ceiling above me. I began sitting up, moving to stretch my arms above my head when I felt a pull on one of my hands. 

I looked down to my side to find Emet-Selch kneeling on the floor next to my bed, head resting on his folded arms with his eyes closed, ungloved hand wrapped around my fingers. 

My lips parted as my breath caught. It...hadn’t been a dream, then? I wasn’t sure how long I watched him. His face so relaxed in sleep, his breathing even. 

He could have...done any number of things while I was asleep. He could have… But he didn’t. He held my hand and slept on my floor, all for my comfort? The thought made tears prick in the corners of my eyes. He hadn’t even climbed into bed with me, knowing I more than likely wouldn’t have argued. 

Surely, this...wasn’t a scheme? 

When the chronometer on the wall chimed, I was thrust back into reality. I jumped, accidentally jerking my hand out of his grip. He stirred upon my movement, his brow furrowing in confusion as the fog of sleep cleared from his mind. 

He straightened slightly as he realized where he was. When his eyes caught mine, a slow smile spread across his lips. “In better spirits today, Warrior of Light?” I breathed a laugh, looking down as I clasped my hands in my lap.

“Thank you,” I said, quietly. For more than just the darkness, I didn’t say. He hummed and when I looked up again, his smile had faded as he looked down at my chest. “What is it?”

“Maybe one day, I’ll explain it to you,” he sighed, closing his eyes. “But not today.” Before I could stop myself, I reached out to him, placing my hand on his cheek. I heard him inhale sharply, tensing for a moment when my skin touched his. He placed his overtop of mine and looked up again, the look on his face apologetic. “For now...” With his free hand, he reached for my chin. “I’m going to have to withdraw my aether.”

I blew out a slow breath and nodded. Of course, he would have to. To avoid further suspicion.

What would the Scions think if they saw me like this? Nearly in the arms of my enemy, full of indecision?

Did I...care?

Yes. To some degree, anyway. But...for some reason...

I dipped my head down, hesitating long enough to suck in a steadying breath before I pressed my lips to his. He stilled when our mouths met, but barely a moment later, he was returning, his grip on my chin tightening as I felt his power leave me. The writhing began to kick up again. I broke away, pressing my forehead against his, cringing a little as my body readjusted to the strange sensation.

“It’s alright,” I assured him. “It doesn’t hurt. It’s just…”

“Uncomfortable,” he concluded. I nodded and he squeezed my hand, then pulled away from me entirely, leaving me cold. “I suppose I should let you prepare for your journey. I will see you soon, hero.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but he disappeared into thin air, his form merely an illusion so that the Crystal Exarch could not track him.

I sat in bed for a few minutes more, trying to calm the beat of my heart- trying to recover from the crushing feeling of loneliness that had all-at-once struck me.

Then, with a deep breath, I steeled myself, slipping the mask of bravery and happiness back on before getting out of bed and getting ready for my day.

After breakfast, our party left the Crystarium, heading for the small settlement just north of the city. It didn’t take us long to find what remained of the church we had been reprised of, a former sanctuary for the Night’s Blessed- those who worshipped the Dark when faith in the Light waned.

Finding the tablet itself proved to be a small difficulty, the previous occupants hiding it inside the altar at the front of the room, but the moment we found it, we travelled further north to the gate so that we may enter the Greatwood.

Nearly the moment we passed through the border, leaving Lakeland behind, we heard the familiar hum of an Ascian portal. I paused, looking over my shoulder as Emet-Selch appeared, walking through our ranks to the front. 

He glanced sideways at me as he passed, the smug grin back on his face and I realized the carefully crafted mask he used around my friends was back in place, no matter how gentle he had been with me the night before. I inhaled sharply. Perhaps we were more alike than I had expected. 

Thancred crossed his arms over his chest.

“Decided to join us, have you? Have you really naught else to do than bother us on our journey?”

The Ascian looked over his shoulder at the hyur with a roll of his eyes. 

“You and yours  _ have _ agreed to my proposal, have you not?” Thancred frowned deeply, but didn’t respond. “Would you rather we be locked in a battle that I would very likely win at the end of the day?”

The gunbreaker opened his mouth to respond, but Minfilia gripped his arm and he backed down immediately with a sigh.

“I  _ thought _ we could simply admire the view together,” Emet-Selch began, amusement in his voice as his eyes slid to me, giving me a suggestive look that made heat rise to my cheeks. I hoped the cover above us would be enough to hide the color. “Unless you would rather I spied on you from the shadows.” He gave a dramatic shrug of his shoulders as he looked back towards my companions, the smirk never leaving his face. “You’re lucky I don’t much care for your opinions over your Warrior’s, else I’d regret my show of good faith.”

Thancred pursed his lips, looking at me for a moment, then shook his head, throwing his arms up in frustration.

“Fine then. I will suffer your company if I must, but not your commentary, Ascian.”

Emet-Selch bowed at the waist in compliance, silently following them deeper into the forest as we searched for Y’Shtola and the Night’s Blessed. 

As we walked, I felt his hand brush against mine when my friends were not paying attention, quelling the thrashing in my chest. 

Eventually, we happened upon the ruins of a small village that had been burned to the ground a few years prior, but immediately I knew something was not right. Urianger had told us that they were likely trying to restore the area, but...there had been no sign of any activity...and it was unnaturally quiet.

We were about to depart when there was a shuffling of feet from all around us.

“Now! Surround them!” 

Archers and conjurers dressed in black came out of their hiding spots on all sides of us, knocking their bows with arrows, lifting their staves from their backs. We all froze, holding our arms in the air in surrender. The hrothgar leading them stepped forward, confusion marring his face.

“These sin eaters- they are not like the others!”

“There’s a reason for that,” Thancred said above the crowd. “We mean you no harm. Please, lower your weapons.” Surprised murmurs broke out from the combatants around us, inquiring as to how we could speak if we were, in fact, sin eaters. No, they said, it must be a trick. We would kill them all given the chance.

“We’re not sin eaters,” I insisted. “Please.”

They looked between one another, doubt on their faces. Behind us, Emet-Selch sighed. 

“Oh, for the love of…” Thancred and I both peered over our shoulders at him. “I thought that by accompanying you, we might get to know one another a little bit better,” he said as he looked around. “But so far, all I have come to understand about you lot is that you have a knack for inflaming the natives.” He looked pointedly at the gunbreaker, who groaned in frustration.

“I think I preferred Lahabrea,” he complained. The Ascian rolled his eyes, though his neverending smirk seemed to widen. 

“Well,” he announced to those still pointing weapons at us. “If you insist on continuing to treat myself and  _ my friends _ this way, I suppose I must…” When he snapped his fingers, there were gasps and small cries all around us. He looked at me for a moment, his golden eyes aglow with playfulness, before I tore my attention away from him, quickly looking around. Their weapons had-

There was a  _ thud _ next to us and I craned my neck down to see a pile of bows and staves at our feet. My brows lifted in surprise and I turned back to find him lowering his arms and rolling his neck. When he noticed I was watching him again, he shrugged. 

Footsteps approached again, a familiar voice asking the Hrothgar for a report. I spun around once more, perking up as Y’shtola came to a stop before us. I exchanged a glance with Urianger as she  _ claimed _ we were sin eaters. 

“‘Tis passing queer that Y’shtola should mistake us for the enemy is it not?” he asked me, quietly as the miqo’te continued her conversation. “Mayhap it hath been too long since last she beheld the radiance of thine aether…” He paused when the Ascian clicked his tongue. 

“Oh please,” he said with a shake of his head. “Radiance of her  _ abnormal aether _ , more like.” Thancred shot him a look and he sighed deeply. “Fine, fine. I did promise I would not interfere, and so this is the last I’ll say on the matter for now.”

“Master Matoya,” Urianger called. “Hath time truly made strangers of us?”

“Nay, my friend. I, of course, recognize you, Urianger, Thancred. The child must be the girl you spoke of before- Minfilia of the First.” She paused, eyes going between Emet-Selch and I. “But I do not know these  _ other presences _ in your company.” Her gaze finally landed one me. “There is but one manner of creature in this world whose aether is so suffused with such an abundance of Light- and though it is dimmed with a small amount of darkness-” Her eyes flicked towards the Ascian for a moment before returning to me once more. “-it is still brighter than it should be. How is it that you have come to control such a being?” Urianger was quiet for a moment, looking down at me.

“Mine apologies, Master Matoya, but thou art mistaken,” he explained, lifting his head again. “Before thee standeth our most dearest comrade. The truest hero among us.” Y’shtola froze, then, her mouth dropping open. “She is but recently arrived here in the First, but already  _ two _ Lightwardens have perished by her hand.”

“It-it cannot be…,” she stuttered, looking more closely at me. A smile spread across my lips, then, and I breathed a laugh.

“It’s nice to see you too,  _ Master Matoya _ ,” I said, pointedly. She chuckled and rolled her eyes. Those under her command seemed to  _ finally _ relax. 

“Forgive us this hostile welcome, my friends.” She motioned towards the forest again. “Come, I would give you a proper introduction to Rak’tika and its people.” She nodded towards the hrothgar- Runar, she called him, and they all began to depart. “We will make our way to the northeast- to a settlement in which the Night’s Blessed hath made their home.” She paused for a moment, eyeing Emet-Selch again as he crossed his arms over his chest, smugness radiating off of him as she examined him in silence. 

Finally, she turned to the elezen. “Urianger, walk with me. It seems we have much to discuss.”

I followed my friends as they began the short trek to the camp, Y’shtola and Urianger whispering about the newest,  _ concerning _ addition to our party. After a few minutes, I paused, looking over my shoulder, realizing the Ascian was quite a ways behind us. Minfilia stopped as well, looking at me expectantly and I shook my head, nudging her forward slightly so that she would continue to walk with Thancred. 

I hung back until Emet-Selch finally made his way to me, looking somewhat annoyed. I raised a brow.

“Are you...alright?” He sighed.

“Even shielded by the shadows of these boughs,” he began, motioning towards the canopy of trees above us. “I feel the Light’s presence most keenly. Accompanying you is... quite taxing.” I looked down at the ground and nodded, matching my pace with his as we continued on. 

“Before, you said...that my aether was abnormal.”

“Surely, hero, you’ve noticed that for yourself.”

“You know that I have, based on the conversation we had last night.” 

“Then what is it you wish to know?”

I opened my mouth to respond, but the crunching of leaves close to us had me deciding better of it. Minfilia came around a turn, jogging towards us.

“Thancred sent me to find you,” she announced with a small cringe. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt.” Her eyes slid to the Ascian for a moment before back to me. “He just…”

I huffed a humorless laugh and rolled my eyes. 

“Yes, alright,” I sighed, nodding my head towards the settlement. “Go on, I’ll be there in a moment.” She hesitated for a moment, but nodded and started heading back. I looked up at him again, unsure of how to word my question and he chuckled at the look on my face. 

“There will be plenty of opportunities for us to speak in private, hero,” Emet-Selch insisted. He placed his hand on my back and shoved me forward. “Run along to your Scions before they become more suspicious.”


	8. Emet-Selch

When I eventually walked through the caveway entrance that led to the camp, I was met with guarded expressions. The Scions eyed me warily, the miqo’te regarding the Warrior of Light with a furrowed brow as she spoke in hushed tones to her companions.

Finally, the hero sighed. 

“You’re all overreacting,” she said, with no shortage of frustration in her voice. “I can protect myself. I have done so _many_ times against Ascians and I will not hesitate to do it again if the need arises.”

“ _Can_ you? Protect yourself?” the gunbreaker remarked in response, crossing his arms over his chest. The Warrior’s expression turned sour as she bristled with his tone, laced heavily with skepticism in her abilities. “You seem extraordinarily susceptible to his… _charms_.”

“As I have yet to witness these interactions for myself,” the miqo’te started after exchanging a cursory glance between the hyur and their champion. “I will withhold my opinion on such matters. There is _some_ of this aether Urianger spoke of, on the surface. But the turmoil of the Light beneath he spoke of is absent.”

“Well, of course it is,” I finally said, my brow raised as their attentions returned to me. “How else does one counter Light, if not with the opposite?”

“So you admit it, then,” the hyur spit out, taking an aggressive step toward me. “That you’ve-”

“Thancred, please,” the Warrior of Light pleaded, holding her hands up in an attempt to calm her friend. “He has not _tainted_ me.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, gaze trained on the hero until she looked toward me. A slow grin spread across my lips. “Haven’t I?”

I watched as the hero’s eyes widened infinitesimally before she narrowed them and locked her jaw. The gunbreaker pressed his lips into a thin line before snapping his gaze to her.

He opened his mouth, then closed it. Exhaled sharply. Opened it once more.

“What does he mean? How would he have tainted-”

I sighed, shrugging my shoulders. “Something for us to know and for all of you to ponder, it would seem.”

Immediately, the Warrior of Light seemed to relax visibly, but not without notice. Thancred narrowed his eyes. 

“What has he done to you?” he nearly hissed at her, looking her up and down slowly. As if there would be a mark left upon her, a brand to delineate anything I had done clearly. 

“ _Please_ ,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. “As if I would be so obvious.”

He immediately looked at me, pure hatred burning in his eyes. “If you did something to her, Ascian, I’ll kill you myself,” he spat at me and I arched a brow.

“ _Can_ you? Kill me yourself?” I sneered, mocking the tone he had given the Warrior of Light mere moments prior. “Are you not _especially susceptible_ to my kind?”

His hand immediately went to the hilt of his weapon and he took a menacing step toward me, ready to strike when the elezen extended his hand to lay on Thancred’s shoulder. 

“Do you not see?” the miqo’te asked with a sigh and a shake of her head, her hands going to her hips. “He is saying these things to incite an inflammatory reaction out of you.”

“It’s working far more than I could have dared to hope, I must admit.”

He held his stance for a moment before exhaling a heavy sigh and lowering his hand. 

“Aside from this veil of Darkness,” he began, looking back towards the hero. “Do you see anything else, Y’shtola?”

Y’shtola shook her head. “Nay, my friend. There is little more than the coating of his aether upon her own. And if it is as he says, that he has calmed the Light… it appears not to be causing her any harm.”

“Yet,” the gunbreaker added. “It does not appear to be causing her any harm _yet_. We should keep a close eye on her.” He paused, looking at me sidelong. “Especially when _he_ is around.”

“Imagine that. The champion of Hydaelyn herself is not afforded privacy nor freedom,” I mused. “I never would have imagined that a famed Ascian slayer would need a _babysitter_.”

“Oh, shut it. I don’t mean we’ll be following her around. Just-”

“Nay, you’ll just make sure she’s never left alone with the big, scary Ascian.”

“As if we would leave her alone with you intentionally. We just want-”

“Did you ever stop to consider what _she_ wants? Why not ask her yourself, instead of pretending she does not exist?” I snapped and he faltered, looking over at his friend. He may have even looked slightly apologetic.

The Warrior of Light stood with her arms crossed, all but seething at the exchange. At my words, she appeared slightly mollified, but arched a brow when her friends finally turned towards her.

“I don’t need to be monitored,” she announced after clearing her throat. “I appreciate the concern, and if I feel like anything feels off, I will, of course, consult you. But, I also understand being nervous about his presence here at all… so...”

She trailed off, furrowing her brow. “I suppose, until we’re all relatively comfortable… I’ll make sure to always have one of you nearby when I’m outside of camp,” she finally relented, slightly slumping her shoulders before meeting my gaze. “It doesn’t hurt to be precautious.”

I was certain my eyes lit up with excitement at the implications of her word choice. Always have one nearby while she is _outside_ of camp.

“A _marvelous_ idea,” I readily agreed with a nod. “Now that this nonsense is behind us, I’ll let you all get back to whatever it was you were up to before I arrived. I, for one, am going to take a nap. Too much Light, not that any of you would understand.”

I opened a portal, putting one foot in it before pursing my lips, tapping them with my index finger. I looked between the Scions as they eyed me suspiciously before landing my gaze on the hero and giving her a dramatic wink. “Well… except perhaps one of you.”

She rolled her eyes as Thancred groaned in annoyance, her hands going to her hips while she shook her head. 

“Go on, then. I’ve grown tired of having you around,” she muttered, shooing me away with one hand and I smirked, bowing at the waist before walking the rest of the way through.

When I awoke from my resting place in the shade upon the boughs of a large tree, it was to the sound of footsteps nearby. I cracked an eye open, peering over the edge of the branch to examine my surroundings, only to realize it was the Warrior of Light. She kneeled on the other side of the clearing, rummaging through some leaves.

I watched her in silence for a few more moments, observing as she stood upright once more and looked around with a furrowed brow before I exhaled a loud sigh.

“What in Zodiark’s name are you doing, hero?” I called out and she paused mid-stride to look over her shoulder at me.

“Looking for a necklace,” she responded nonchalantly. “You’re a very heavy sleeper.”

I arched my brow. “Is that so?”

“Yep, I just searched by that tree you were sleeping in and even whispered your name. Nothing.” She grinned, satisfied with the mild irritation that crept into my expression.

“It’s relatively easy to sleep soundly when you do not feel remotely threatened by anything nearby,” I retorted and her expression immediately fell into a frown.

I watched as she turned on her heel to march toward me and I folded my hands behind my head and lay back once more, peering up at the leaves above me. My eyes squinted at the rays of Light that snuck between them as the breeze blew through and I slowly slid my eyelids shut again.

“Have a good nap, then?” she asked, when she finally arrived at the base of the tree.

“It was acceptable, until you came stomping through like a herd of buffalo.”

She scoffed. “You’re just upset that you didn’t notice me arrive.”

“Have you been here long then?” 

“Not really. Minfilia and I just started our search. Though I really should get back to it,” she sighed and I lifted my hand to snap.

Several small spriggans appeared around her and she gasped. I could hear her feet shuffle as she looked around, mixed with the rapid pitter-patter of the spriggans scurrying aimlessly. “A necklace, you said? What stone?”

“Y-yeah. Jade,” she confirmed and with another snap of my fingers, the spriggans scurried off to begin their search. 

“They’ll find it for you,” I murmured with a yawn. “Now you can relax and have a chat with me.”

Silence descended between us. Eventually, I heard her shift slightly, and when she exhaled a sigh, it was closer than she was before. Likely she leaned against the trunk of the tree.

“Still awake?” she finally asked, nearly speaking at a whisper as to not disturb me if I _had_ fallen asleep.

“Quite,” I murmured, shifting to lay on my side, holding my head up in my hand as I peered lazily down at her. She had her arms crossed over her chest, her eyes watching the spriggans wander randomly around the clearing.

“Why are you helping me?” she asked, slowly looking up at me with an arched brow.

“Did you not wish to talk?” I responded, raising my other hand, poised to snap. “You seemed to have something to say before. I can recall them and let you sift through the leaves and the dirt yourself, if you wish. Seems a fitting task for one of your esteemed reputation.”

She sighed, shaking her head and lowering her gaze once more. “You seem so genuine half the time and then suddenly you’re cold and mean.”

I hummed as I considered her words. “Is it that I am mean, or that you expect softness after the moments we’ve shared?”

She did not answer. After a few moments, I sighed. 

“I am no colder than any of my compeers towards you and yours,” I offered. “If anything, I am _warmer_ than they would prefer. Besides, what exactly do you think would happen should I once again show you even a modicum of gentleness in front of them? Irrespective of what either of us would like, not a single one of them would let you out of their sight.”

When she continued to stand in silence, I groaned, laying on my back once more. “I may as well be asleep, if you insist on brooding.”

“So, in front of the others, your _demeanor_ is for my benefit?” she finally asked, breaking the quiet that stretched on between us.

“Yours and mine,” I admitted. “I’d rather not deal with their vehement opposition and it will likely arouse suspicion. You will be pestered with questions, bothered incessantly by their inability to formulate new opinions despite being provided new evidence. Recent events are confirmatory enough.” I paused, scoffing. “ _Tampered_ mind, tainted, et cetera. But if you would prefer it, I could always treat you as you desire in their company.”

“No. You’re probably right. At least for now,” she admitted with a sigh. “I can’t really fault them for being wary. Can you?”

I responded with a noncommittal hum. She was right, of course. My behavior had been deplorable as far as the Scions were concerned. It was a miracle the hero herself did not continue to hold me at arms’ length. 

I had hesitated to approach her the previous night, fearing she would understandably push me further away. Had she not taken a tonic to blur the edge between her dreams and reality, perhaps I wouldn’t have. That she seemed to open up to me gave me hope that she, at the very least, felt the pull between our souls, the irreversible link we shared. Even if she did not comprehend what it was.

“So is there a reason you’re warmer towards me then?”

“There is one, yes.”

“You’re not going to elaborate, are you?”

“Absolutely not.”

“And does this reason explain why you’re helping me? Not just with the necklace but...” She trailed off, and I glanced down to see her placed her hand atop her chest.

“I had a feeling you were intelligent. I would expect nothing less.”

She breathed a laugh as she lowered her hand, and we settled into silence once more. A breeze blew through the leaves, rustling them slightly. 

“Is there anything you _will_ tell me?”

“There are many things I am willing to tell you, Warrior of Light. You simply need to ask.”

“I see,” she murmured before blowing out a slow breath. “In that case… you said my aether was _abnormal_...”

She paused, falling silent and I rolled back over to peer over the side of the branch at her. “Is there a question somewhere?”

She snapped her gaze towards me, her mouth turned down in a frown and I smirked.

“You can feel it, I am sure,” I replied to her unspoken query and she nodded slowly. “It’s not that the Light itself is abnormal; it’s just as much Light aether as the energy you can feel in the air here. Stifling and abundant. It’s simply not your own. And thus, being foreign to your soul, foreign to your aetheric network, _your_ aether rejects it.”

“But I have absorbed aether before,” she responded. “And it didn’t feel this way.”

“Perhaps you have absorbed aether before, yes. But in smaller amounts. Enough that your network could accommodate, that it would stretch _just_ the right amount to make room.”

She hummed, bringing a hand to her chin with another nod. “So it’s just… too much at once.”

“For a soul such as yours, yes. It is too much at once.”

Her eyes unfocused as she considered my words. After a moment, realization lit within them and she lowered her hand from her chin. “A soul such as mine?”

A corner of my mouth twitched upwards. Very astute. “Well, yes,” I replied. “As compared to a soul such as _mine_.”

“And the difference is… what, exactly?” she inquired, genuine curiosity shining in her eyes.

I hummed, carefully considering my next words. I could simply just tell her. On the other hand, if I revealed the truth to her, and she did not survive, it would be a waste of my time. A waste of my efforts, a wasted reopening of the carefully constructed dam around the sentiment I felt for her originator. She had already started making cracks, after all. Wearing it down without even trying.

“The difference is everything, Warrior of Light,” I finally responded and she immediately furrowed her brow.

“That’s- What do you expect me to glean from such an answer?” she muttered, clearly frustrated with me.

“What _did_ you glean?”

“That you’re being ambiguous because you don’t want to tell me. Something about it upsets you.”

Frustratingly astute, actually. I narrowed my eyes slightly. “Indeed.”

She hummed, nodding slowly as she exuded more confidence in her posture, having read me so easily. Sundered or not, some things never change. I sighed, expecting her to insist, but instead, she looked away.

“You said it will get worse. How much worse?” she asked. “How many Lightwardens could I-”

“Far worse than you can imagine and I cannot explain it, having never experienced it myself,” I interjected. “And I cannot say for sure. Not all of them would be my assumption, but thus far you have done more than I anticipated you would have, so perhaps you will prove me wrong.”

“And you’re not just saying these things to scare me?”

“I suspect you will not believe me, but no. I am not saying these things simply to scare you.”

“Then… if you’re not here to make me doubt my tasks, to make me question the path I am on… what brings you here?”

“I told you, Warrior of Light. I wish to observe. I want to see if you are capable of more than the constraints placed upon you by circumstances outside of your control.”

“What if I _am_ capable?” she whispered, looking down at the ground once more. “What happens then?”

“Then I will embrace you as a true ally and I will share with you everything that I know. No hesitations, no stipulations. You’ll have to make difficult decisions before you know it, hero. Decisions best made with the wealth of knowledge to which only the eternal are privy.”

“Eternal,” she repeated and I hummed my affirmation. “Eternal meaning…?”

“Do you want the definition? Do they not educate their heroes in Eorzea?”

She clicked her tongue. “I’m trying to-” she sighed sharply. “You said you had been on a long journey. How long?”

“Are you asking my _age_?” I asked, feigning incredulity. 

“Oh please, as if you’re _actually_ offended,” she snapped, looking at me with a raised brow. A slow grin spread across my lips.

“Old enough to remember the world as it was before. Therein lies a difference between your soul and mine.”

When she did not respond, I could tell she wanted me to elaborate and I sighed, my expression falling into a more serious one. “You age. And then you die. Then you start over, remembering nothing of the life you just lived.”

“When you say you’re old enough to remember the world as it was before,” she started, searching my face, an unmistakable excitement in her tone. I bristled, realizing I had, once again, said too much. “What do you mean? Before the Calamities?”

I cleared my throat and averted my gaze, but not before seeing her realize that she had asked yet another good question, smugness spreading into her expression. 

“What is it about you that makes me readily spill my secrets, I wonder,” I muttered, despite knowing exactly what it was. I slowly returned my gaze to her. “I will answer these questions at a later date. Perhaps once you have succeeded.”

She pursed her lips, her displeasure with me evident, pushing off the tree trunk and pacing two steps forward, keeping her back to me to obscure my view of her face. “And if I fail?”

I sighed, sitting up on the bough before floating down to the ground, coming to land in front of her. I paused then, searching her expression, beholding the uncertainty and apprehension within her eyes, the downward tilt of her lips.

I took a slow step towards her, watching as she took a step back to match it. Her eyes darted around the clearing, taking stock of her surroundings instead of meeting the weight of my gaze, a slight hint of color seeping into her cheeks.

Another step, matched by the Warrior of Light. Then another, and her back was against the tree trunk yet again. She placed her hands on either side of herself against the bark, exhaling a slow breath when I took one final step to close the distance between us, our bodies mere ilms apart.

“Then you simply prove to be exactly what I previously expected,” I replied simply, raising my hand to cup the side of her face, wanting nothing more than to put her at ease, to wipe the sadness that swam in her eyes with my honesty. She tensed at the sensation of my glove on her face, her eyes searching mine. “But let’s not talk of such things, dear hero. It’s a horribly boring and predictable conversation.”

I watched as the rays that shone through the leaves danced across her features, and when they hit her irises, their brilliance was intensified a hundredfold. There, illuminated by the Light, were _her_ eyes. The same small golden speckles peppered throughout her iris that sparkled when she had a particularly momentous idea. I could not help but exhale a sharp breath with my surprise.

Where I had previously dismissed the hero’s eyes as being all wrong, not exactly the right color, not the right shape… still she found a way to shine through. Not that I expected anything less. 

“What are you staring at so intensely?” The Warrior asked then, breaking me from my reverie. 

“Your eyes,” I murmured honestly, before tearing my gaze from them to examine the rest of her face once more, finding more similarities the more I looked. The curvature of her lips, the shape of the tip of her nose. A flush of pink spread across her cheeks at my admission. “They’re…”

“Horribly boring and predictable,” she said quietly, turning my words against me when I trailed off. “For an eternal like yourself.”

I raised a brow, before huffing a chuckle and shaking my head. “Surprising,” I whispered, and her eyes widened slightly.

“Sometimes… I’m able to peek through that carefully placed mask of yours, Emet-Selch,” she whispered as she relaxed, leaning into my hand, placing her own on top of it.

“It’s not unlike your own,” I replied softly. “Would you not agree?”

She hummed, her bottom lip jutting out just slightly as she pondered my question before she gave a barely discernible nod. My eyes flicked downwards for less than a second, but she had noted the movement.

Her breath caught, lips parting slightly and I found myself wanting nothing more than to-

I paused, realizing that I had been slowly moving my face closer to hers and sighed against her lips, frustration coursing through me. 

She was dangerous, this champion of Light. To somehow unintentionally affect me so thoroughly, when I was meant to be attempting to win _her_ over. Although, perhaps I was being harsh on myself, given what I knew, given who she once was. Given how intensely I once cherished her.

With the minimal change in my expression, tension spread through her body, the moment broken.

“Minfilia is-” Her eyes darted to the side. “She could see-”

Not tensing because I nearly kissed her once more, tensing because we could be seen.

“Shall I stop then?” I whispered, my lips brushing against hers slightly. She visibly swallowed, her eyes locking with mine, the uncertainty visible in her expression.

“I just… I don’t want-” 

“She will not see, Warrior of Light,” I assured her, brushing my thumb along her cheekbone, each swipe causing her to relax into me. She exhaled shakily, her hands moving to grip the fur lining of my coat.

When she offered no further argument, I moved my hand to gently grip her chin. With the motion, she tightened her hold, her eyes fluttering shut as she barely pulled on the fur. 

It was all the invitation I needed before pressing my lips to hers.

Immediately, all the residual tension in her dissipated and she slid her hands up, one slipping behind me, under my arm to hook on my shoulder, as the other twined into my hair at the back of my neck. She leaned forward into me, bringing her body flush against me, lips hungrily moving against mine. 

I was momentarily taken aback by the return of the same desperation from the night in the Crystarium, but when she whimpered against my mouth, I found I was unable to stop myself from taking a final step forward to pin her firmly against the tree.

What I had intended to be a slow and purposeful kiss quickly devolved into something frenzied and full of an uncontrollable longing. Every ilm of her curves pressed against me as she pulled me closer. The feeling of her body against mine ignited a flame within me that I could not rationalize. 

I brushed my tongue against her lips and she immediately parted them, her own tongue meeting mine, the softest of moans slipping from her, her hand gripping my hair tightly. I could feel a rumble building in my chest, certain that she could feel the vibration and when a shudder tore through her to confirm it, I pulled my lips from hers.

Nipping on her bottom lip, I kissed the corner of her mouth before trailing fevered kisses along her jawline. 

“Gods,” she panted into my ear as I inserted my leg between hers, my hips pressing her firmly against the tree. I continued moving downwards toward her neck, leaving wet kisses upon every ilm of skin I could find. She shifted then, grinding herself against me slightly as her hands clumsily found their way to either side of my face. Roughly, she jerked my head back so she could press her lips to mine once more, eliciting a soft groan from me when she rolled her hips against mine.

Suddenly, in the periphery of my senses, I could make out the young Oracle approaching the collection of trees the Warrior of Light was meant to have searched. Abruptly, I pulled back from her lips, only to be met with a small sound of protest from the hero as she followed me. 

I breathed a laugh against her lips, obliging for a few moments before I leaned away once more, placing a hand on her shoulder to hold her in place.

She clicked her tongue with annoyance and I took a step back as I slowly lifted my free hand, holding it in a fist in front of her. She furrowed her brow, but when I shook the fist in lieu of responding, she removed one of her own from its position on the side of my neck to hold it open before her.

I opened my hand and down dangled the jade necklace, hanging from my fingers just above her outstretched palm. 

“Best get back to camp, hero,” I whispered, summoning a portal behind me. 

I lowered my hand to hers to give the jade necklace to her, bowing slightly before turning our hands over as I slowly lifted them. When they were high enough, I locked my eyes with hers, watching as the pink in her cheeks brightened to a vibrant shade of red. With a smirk, I placed a lingering kiss upon her knuckles, withdrawing the traces of my Darkness from within her before stepping back into my portal just in time to hear the Oracle call her name.


	9. Warrior of Light

_ Gods. _

The moment his gaze changed from vague interest to fierce focus, seeing something in my eyes that I didn’t understand, the depths of my belly lit with fire. My breath nearly caught then, and my face heated up at the sheer intensity of how he was studying me. 

“What are you staring at so intensely?” I asked him, my voice barely louder than a whisper. My words seemed to break whatever spell he’d been under and he blinked, tearing his gaze from my eyes to rove over the rest of my face. 

And when he said that my eyes were  _ surprising _ , they widened in shock.

His carefully crafted mask had slipped. Again. 

He’d said his behavior was for the benefit of both of us- but here he was, out in the open, cradling my cheek, a soft fondness in his gaze. Minfilia could walk by at any moment...

Why? What did he see in me, all of a sudden, that had changed his demeanor?

I didn’t know- I was at an utter loss, but I found myself wanting to fall into him all the more. Hoping that  _ this _ was who he truly was underneath his facade. 

“Sometimes,” I breathed, searching his face for a moment in wonder. “I’m able to peek through that carefully placed mask of yours, Emet-Selch.” I placed my hand overtop his, pressing his palm flat against my cheek. I turned my head into it, relishing its warmth, even through the white glove he wore.

“It’s not unlike your own,” he pointed out to me as I brought my eyes up to meet his again. “Would you not agree?” I pouted slightly, with a hum. 

Of course he knew. There was no way he hadn’t noticed, especially after the night before. I had let my guard down in front of him, just as he had done for me. It felt...easy. Right. 

There was a connection between us, though I had no explanation for it.

My hand tightened around his as I nodded and I watched his eyes snap to my mouth for half a second. 

As his gaze slid back to me, he began leaning forward, closing the already small gap between us. The intensity of those amber eyes was back and my breath  _ did _ hitch this time, my lips parting as I anticipated-

My whole body tensed as my thoughts jumped back to my young charge wandering about the woods, looking for the necklace I was supposed to be searching for as well. 

If she ventured this way- 

Or if Thancred returned early-

“Shall I stop then?” he asked me, sensing my momentary discomfort, his lips  _ barely _ brushing against mine as he spoke. My fingers gripped the trunk of the tree tightly, nails digging into the bark and it took everything in me to hold back the whimper that desperately wanted to escape at the contact.

No, I didn’t want him to stop but- 

I swallowed audibly, my eyes locked with his as I hesitated.

“I just…I don’t want-,” I tried, words failing me as I felt any excuse I might have had slipping through my fingers. 

Not that I  _ wanted  _ an excuse, but...

And when he assured me that Minfilia wouldn’t see us, tucked away behind one of the many trees of the forest, I found myself unable to argue. 

My resolve broken, I released an unsteady breath against his face as his thumb began to stroke the length of my cheekbone. The tenderness of his touch caused my knees to go weak- and if he was not pressing me against the tree, I would have likely slid to the ground and become utterly undone by nothing else. 

I lifted my hands from the trunk as he moved to grip my chin, pulling my face ever-so-slightly forward. I threaded my fingers into the fur of his coat and tugged lightly as my eyes closed. 

_ Gods _ , why did I want this  _ so badly _ ?

He didn’t need anymore encouragement as he surged forward, pressing his lips to mine, barely giving me time to suck in a breath. The whimper I had been holding back finally escaped, muffled against his mouth and barely discernible as I slid my arms around him, hooking one under his arm, the other going around his neck to weave into his hair, all of my previous tension and hesitance seeping out of me. 

How easily I gave myself to him...did it surprise him, I wondered?

He thought I wouldn’t believe his words- he was wrong. When he had first revealed himself to us, I had thought that this had been a game to him. That I had been a fly caught in his web. He had openly admitted that it had started that way, but things had changed for him and the honesty and conviction I heard in his voice- no matter how he tried to hide it- corroborated that.

Why? Why couldn’t the Scions see it? Hear it? If they just bothered to  _ look _ closer…

_ No _ , I thought with an internal sigh, my lips moving against the Ascian’s with fervor. They wouldn’t. Not so soon, anyhow. 

Perhaps, given more time…

The fact that he had let  _ me _ see past his mask- no matter how miniscule the amount- only proved his sincerity further. 

I knew there was a reason for it, but I also felt that if I pried, I would likely never know it. 

So, for the time being, I would push it from my mind, and let my facade fall as well- it  _ was _ the least I could do- to make an attempt to trust him with my vulnerabilities as he had trusted me. And I...found that with him, I  _ wanted _ to. That it was easy to relax into his embrace.

Whether or not that was wise...I didn’t seem to care.

I felt that...we were more alike than either of us expected. Two lonely souls, just looking for... _ something _ … 

The connection I felt to him, the deep pull in my chest- surely by the way he acted around me, he felt it too, right?

I pushed myself an ilm off of the tree, pressing my body into his as I returned the affections he had granted me, but a moment later he stepped forward, pushing my back against the bark once more, pinning me there as his tongue sought entrance to my mouth. 

I parted my lips easily and without resistance, a quiet moan slipping out as my tongue met his, greedily tasting him. The fingers of both hands curled, one hand tightening in his hair, the nails of the other digging into the leather of his coat. I felt as his approval vibrated against me, a shiver taking over my body in response.

He pulled away, my bottom lip sliding out from between his teeth, and met my eyes for barely a moment, lips pulled up into a smirk as if he could  _ hear _ my heartbeat thundering in my chest, then lowered his head again, dragging his mouth along my jaw.

“Gods,” I groaned between heavy breaths, tilting my head out of the way to give him more access as he dipped further down towards my neck. He forced his knee between my legs, spreading them slightly as he crushed his hips against mine and without thinking, I ground against him, inhaling sharply as the ache between my legs pulsed with pleasure.

I retracted my hands, fumbling for his face and roughly tugged him back up to me, desperately wanting to feel his mouth on mine once more. I undulated my hips to his, a muffled groan escaping him before he pulled away, suddenly.

I whined, leaning forward to follow him, not ready to give  _ this _ up yet. He huffed a laugh, humoring me for a few more moments before stepping away from me, one of his hands going to my shoulder so that I would stay put.

I clicked my tongue, opening my mouth to complain, but he held up his closed fist and I furrowed my brow, my words halting, waiting for him to explain. 

I understood quickly that he was playing another game with me. Despite my annoyance, I played along, releasing his neck and raising my hand to him, palm up, trying to supress my eyeroll. 

When he opened his hand, however, my eyes widened as the jade necklace fell towards my palm, stopping just before it hit my skin, suspended by the chain. 

“Best get back to camp, hero,” he said quietly, the hum of his portal filling my ears. I opened my mouth again, to protest, to-

The necklace dropped into my hand as he bowed at the waist. The words died on my tongue, my mouth hanging open as he gripped my hand and turned it over. His eyes locked with mine and I flushed as he lifted both of our arms, his lips curling upwards as he pressed them to my knuckles. 

And then, he was gone, leaving my lips swollen and the fire between my legs only burning hotter.

I felt the churning of the Light in my soul begin anew and realized he had taken his Darkness with him. My mood immediately soured, the flame extinguishing. I cringed as the  _ wrongness _ thrashed about and placed a hand over my chest, thinking back to his words not that my head was clearing. 

Too much Light at once to truly be absorbed. My aether...was rejecting it, he had said. 

A soul...such as mine…? 

I furrowed my brow for a moment, desperately trying to understand his meaning, but when Minfilia said my name, I blinked myself out of my trance. She stood next to me, arms clasped behind her, a curious and worried expression on her face.

“Are you alright?” she asked me. I blew out a long breath, and nodded, lifting my hand to show her the necklace. 

When we arrived back at Slitherbough, Thancred was less than pleased that Minfilia had taken the risk and left the camp- even with me, but had not admonished her  _ too _ much. 

A while later, the funeral began. I stood in the back of the cave with the gunbreaker and the girl, so that we did not impede on the ceremony, when Y’shtola and Urianger decided to join us. The miqo’te examined me with a raised brow, tapping a finger to her chin in thought.

“I see that the Darkness around your aether is notably missing,” she commented quietly, her voice suggestive as Runar started his proceedings. “How curious. It should not have dissipated so quickly.” I tensed, jaw clenching slightly, eyes never leaving the hrothgar. 

“We had a... _ conversation _ in the forest,” I informed her, shrugging my shoulders. “As he  _ helped _ us look for the necklace.” Not entirely a lie, I told myself. Perhaps it had been for selfish reasons, but he  _ had _ aided me when he could have just watched from the boughs. 

Was I also not guilty of omission, same as Emet-Selch? 

She hummed in affirmation, though I peered at her out of the corner of my eyes. I assumed Urianger had reprised her of everything  _ he _ knew that happened between the Ascian and I, and she did not look entirely convinced. I sighed through my nose. 

How.could I tell them of the things we had done in private when they acted this way?

“You all seemed so...uncomfortable,” I continued. “Perhaps that is why he took it back.” I shifted, leaning heavily on one foot, leveling my gaze on her. “But you don’t trust me.”

“Nay, my friend,” she assured me, eyes affixed to something in my chest. Her demeanor changed, her brow furrowing at whatever she saw there. “It is  _ him _ that we do not trust.” I pursed my lips but nodded and she turned her attention back to the funeral. 

We did not discuss it further, though by the look on Thancred’s face, I was  _ sure _ she had informed the others while they waited for me to join them in her chambers to discuss the tablet- and how we would need to infiltrate the encampment of the Children of the Everlasting Dark so that the conjurer could further translate the instructions etched into its surface.

None of us saw Emet-Selch for quite some time while we went about slipping past the fanatical faction, though I was almost positive I caught him lounging in a tree, watching us with a quizzical expression as I destroyed beehives. 

The moment we got back, Y’shtola and Urianger locked themselves in her rooms once again and Runar bid that I sit down and wait until the others returned from patrol duty so that we could eat supper. He motioned towards the fire, where a cookpot hung, suspended above the flames. 

The Ascian had finally appeared again, lying on the ground next to it, arms stretched behind his head as he relaxed against one of the log benches. 

I raised a brow but nodded at the hrothgar and perched myself on a seat perpendicular to his. Emet-Selch cracked an eye open at the sound of my approach, but closed it again. I heard him release a deep exhale.

“Must you sit this close to me, hero?” So, the mask had returned. I saw Thancred tense out of the corner of my eye as he watched us from across the camp. 

I see.

“Why not?” I asked, stretching my legs out in front of me, letting the warmth of the fire seep in through my pants. 

“That insufferable, blinding Light.” I pursed my lips.

“You could just-”

“That would require me moving, Warrior of Light, and that is not something I am willing to do at the present moment.” I scoffed, examining his position once more.

“You can’t be comfortable like that.”

He opened his mouth to respond, but Runar appeared again, humming as he stirred the pot of food. 

“It seems to be ready,” he said as he glanced at the entrance to the camp. He turned back to me, his brow furrowed, a worried expression on his face. “Would you call Master Matoya and the others so that we can prepare to hand out dinner?”

I nodded, and with barely a glance at the Ascian still on the ground, stood to make my way to Y’shtola’s door. I lifted my hand to knock, but the sound of their heated conversation made me pause.

“I’m tired of these games, Urianger. You can see it as clearly as I without the Darkness surrounding her aether.” My brow furrowed. They were talking about me  _ again _ . “The Blessing of Light may spare her the fate of becoming a Lightwarden for now, but the nascent corruption is worse than you have described to me. She is...quite different than she was in the Source.” My heart rate spiked at her words, my breath catching. They were quiet for long moments. Finally, she sighed.

“Though I have no proof,” she began again, her voice sad. “I fear that the Light which poured forth from the Wardens was not negated at all, as you said it would be.” Another pause. I relaxed my hand, laying it on the wood of the door, eyes downcast. “I fear it was  _ absorbed _ \- that she has been suffused with their Light. But it...it is not integrating with her aether as it should.” 

So, Emet-Selch had spoke the truth, just as I thought. He was not simply trying to scare me. 

“If this continues to go unchecked-”

“I have given thought to this possibility, Y’shtola, truly. But we do not know with absolute certainty that is what is happening and I dare not speak until more is known.”

The miqo’te gave a loud, frustrated sigh.

“By the time you deign to enlighten us, it may be too late- if it is not already.” My jaw clenched. He had been keeping this from me- and they both planned to continue keeping me in the dark, didn’t they? 

“Do you think the Ascian could have anything to do with this, Urianger?” A hum of thought. “His Darkness surrounding her- is it possible that the power he infuses into her is the reason the Light is not absorbing correctly?”

Of course-  _ of course _ they would look to him first. But…

What if there was some truth to their words?

I placed my hand over my chest. Was his Darkness keeping the Light from being absorbed as it should? No, I didn’t think so. Even with his absence throughout the entirety of our journeys through Il Mheg, I had felt it roiling around... 

“I am...unsure. Minfilia has previously suggested that the Warrior of Light seemed  _ at ease _ when his aether is present. It does indeed seem to calm the Light, but I do not know if there have been any...conflicts between the two elements.”

“We will need to keep a close eye on it- and him, then.”

Silence descended again. Before they could continue, I lifted my arm once more and knocked. 

“Dinner,” was all I could bite out before spinning on my heel and heading back to the fire. Emet-Selch was sitting up now, a steaming bowl in one hand. He peered over at me as I slumped to the group with a huff and raised a brow.

“Something troubling you, hero?” My eyes shot to him for a moment before darting away towards the flame. “Overhear something you didn’t wish to, perhaps?” I pursed my lips, released a sigh through my nose before leaning in towards him.

“Do you think… Is it possible that...the presence of your aether inside of me is the reason I cannot absorb the Light correctly?”

His brow furrowed, head tilted to the side as he inspected me from top to bottom.

“I know that you said...it was too much at once,” I began again. “But...does the darkness...make it worse?” He opened his mouth to respond, but thought better of it and closed it again as he thought on my words.

“I must admit, Warrior of Light,” he began after a few moments. “That is a very good-”

“The others on patrol should have returned by now,” Runar’s voice said, filtering over from where he stood with Thancred. The Ascian paused his sentence to listen.

“Oh,” he said, loud enough to make them turn. “Is that what you’ve been waiting for all this time?” His gaze slid towards the entrance of the cave. “They won’t be returning to camp anytime soon. Well, most of them, that is.” The gunbreaker took a step forward, eyes narrowing.

“What did you do to them?” Emet-Selch held his free hand up in surrender.

“I’m afraid this was not  _ my _ doing.” Thancred chewed on the inside of his mouth as he glared at the Ascian, suspicious and unbelieving. Emet-Selch merely shrugged. “I have been here for quite some time, Scion,” he reminded the hyur. “Minding my business.”

“Help! Someone help!” came a shout from outside the camp’s confines. I exchanged a look with Thancred and shot to my feet. Y’shtola and Urianger finally emerged from the room after hearing the call, the former making her way outside to see what the problem was.

Ran’jit stood at the entrance, flanked by Eulmoran guards and Children of the Everlasting Night, a member of the Night’s Blessed unconscious on the ground, the rise and fall of his chest barely discernible. 

“You are in no position to make demands,” I heard the general say as we stood, crouching undercover in the mouth of the cave, watching from the shadows. “By Lord Vauthry’s decree, Rak’tika now falls under the governance of Eulmore. You will henceforth answer to us.”

“Is that so?” Y’shtola started, crossing her arms over her chest. “And the Children of the Everlasting Dark have acquiesced to this madness?” There was movement in the cave beyond. I turned to find Emet-Selch heading towards the commotion, annoyance coating his features. I opened my mouth to protest, but he didn’t so much as look at me.

“We have reached an accord, yes,” Ran’jit said, shifting, folding his arms behind his back. “Too many times have the Night’s Blessed shunned Eulmore’s overtures of friendship.” As the Ascian passed us, I reached out to grab his arm and pull him back, but he simply moved his arm just out of the reach of my fingers. Thancred clicked his tongue.

“What is he  _ doing _ ?” he hissed through his teeth.

“The risk that you harbor hostile intentions has grown too great to ignore,” Ran’jit continued. “Therefore, his lordship has claimed dominion over this forest, and bestowed executive authority upon the Children of the Everlasting Dark.”

“Oh, for the love of Zodiark,” Emet-Selch drawled, coming to a stop next to Y’shtola, who turned and took a step back, surprised by his sudden close proximity. 

“Ah,” the general said, a mocking grin spreading across his mouth. “The Architect.” The Ascian tilted his head to the side as he examined the hyur.

“Vauthry’s  _ dog _ , if I’m not mistaken,” he replied, no shortage of distaste in his voice. He hummed. “It would be in your best interest to quit this place.” Ran’jit scoffed, the first  _ true _ emotion I’d ever seen on the man’s face, and his arms moved to cross over his chest.

“I think not. Unfortunately for you, I would assume, my orders come  _ only _ from Vauthry himself- and since you seem to have...chosen your side…” 

Emet-Selch heaved a sigh and gave a dramatic shrug of his shoulders, one hand lifting in the air. “Have it your way, then.”

With a snap of his fingers, vines immediately shot out of the ground and coiled around the general’s party in its entirety. Gasps sounded from all around him as those of us hiding finally ran out and into view. 

Ran’jit hadn’t moved an inch, peering at the Ascian with mild annoyance. 

“Do you still insist on continuing with this farce?”

The general narrowed his eyes, but did not deign to respond. Emet-Selch raised his brow as they stood off, a small smirk appearing on his mouth as he snapped again, the vines tightening around the Eulmoran soldiers, their gasps and chokes audible as they struggled to breathe. I stepped forward, eyes wide.

“Stop this,” Y’shtola pleaded, panic in her voice, but the two continued staring at each other, the Ascian’s smile turning maniacal. 

When the guards ceased moving, he snapped again. The vines disappeared, its prisoners falling to the ground with a  _ thud _ . 

He closed the distance between him and Ran’jit. The general did not yield an inch as he sauntered up, stopping with barely an ilm between them. Emet-Selch placed his hands on his hips as he looked  _ down _ at the man, condescension dripping from his voice.

“Run along to your master,  _ dog _ . And inform him that I will be on my way to have a word with him.”

I could almost  _ swear _ I saw the general’s eyes narrow at the Ascian’s words, his jaw clenching nearly indiscernibly. Finally, he relented, turning to kick one of his companions roughly in the stomach.

“On your feet, you useless-”

“Because you favor the darkness,” Emet-Selch began, turning towards the Children of the Everlasting Dark. “And I am quite fond of it myself, I’ll allow you to scurry back to the hole you slithered out of.” With a snap, their vines were sucked back into the ground. The fanatics dropped to the ground, staring wide-eyed at him. He tilted his head- and I could not see his expression, but surely, by the horrified looks on their faces, it must have been frightening. “And do not dare to cross my path again.”

They quickly scurried to their feet and disappeared into the trees.

When all of our guests were gone, Y'shtola and Runar rushed forward to the Night’s Blessed, still straining to take each breath They knelt next to him, carefully inspecting him, before she looked over her shoulder at us, eyes noticeably pausing on the Ascian. She clenched her jaw.

“We will discuss these...developments after I have tended to our casualty. Please wait in my chambers.”

We did as she bid. Upon entering the room, Emet-Selch’s eyes immediately found the tablet we had brought with us. He leaned over the table as he inspected it, vague interest on his face.

“So, you…,” I began when the door had closed, crossing my arms in front of me. He peered up at me for a moment before his gaze slid back down. Minfilia sat down at the table. Thancred came up behind her, gripping the back of the chair as he observed our conversation.

“Are you asking my  _ true _ relationship to Vauthry, hero?” 

“I suppose.” He hummed and flipped the stone over. 

“The day we met in Eulmore, I was there to warn that insufferable child not to interfere with my dealings. Now he has. They were easily dispatched in Il Mheg by your pixie friends, but it seems they are unable to take a hint.”

I frowned, but the door opened again. I turned as Y’shtola entered, Urianger at her back.

“The guard hath been afflicted with a most terrible and efficacious poison,” the latter informed us with a sigh as they approached, his eyes downcast. “We have attempted all manner of healing incantations but, alas, his condition remains unchanged. At present, we can but slow the poison’s advance. I pray it will afford us sufficient time to find a cure.”

The lot of us were silent for long moments, but finally, the Scions began speaking amongst themselves with Runar, the hrothgar insisting that we flee. 

“Ran’jit will likely be back,” he reminded us. “And we will continue to stand our ground. But, there is no reason for you to suffer the consequences of our decision. Your work is not yet done, and you still have time to get out.” With a small, fierce smile, the miqo’te laid her hand on his arm.

“I am not wont to run from my troubles, Runar. In fact…” As she trailed off, her gaze travelled to me. “With the Warrior of Light’s arrival, I am minded to take the offensive.” She crossed her arms over her chest as she closed her eyes. “The Eulmorans’ presence here plainly stems from a desire to protect the Lightwarden.” Her eyes slid open again, clearly avoiding the Ascian next to her. She pursed her lips. “I say we seek it out and slay the creature before they return. Were darkness to fall over Rak’tika, they would have no cause to remain.” 

“All of this is easier said than done,” Thancred said, stepping forward. “Unless, of course, you’ve finally deciphered that tablet?”

Finally, Emet-Selch looked up from the piece of stone still lying on the table, his hand on his chin in thought. 

“Is this why you went through the trouble of finding the monument?” he asked, raising a brow. “To translate? I could have done that for you.”

Everyone in the room froze, attentions intently focusing in on him. Thancred cleared his throat in an attempt to reign in his anger.

“You mean to tell me…” A sigh. “Why didn’t you...say anything, Ascian?”

“You didn’t ask,” he said simply with a shrug. He turned back to the tablet again, examining the piece of paper that was laid next to it. “However, this word here…” He pointed to the words etched into the stone. Y’shtola leaned over to look, her thirst for knowledge getting the better of her.

“What of it?”

“It doesn’t necessarily translate to  _ ally _ , though I suppose it does get the message across. It is more closely related to the word  _ friend, _ I would say.” The gunbreaker huffed.

“Isn’t that close enough?” he asked incredulously.

“Is it?” Emet-Selch asked, standing straight again, hand going to his chin as he inspected Thancred from bottom to top. “Would we be friends if we were allies?” I rolled my eyes as the hyur’s frown deepened, but he did not otherwise respond. 

“Since when do you care?” I asked him, genuinely curious. He claimed to be eternal- how long had he lived? Surely the lives of the Ancient Ronkans were but the blink of an eye to him if he had truly been alive  _ all this time _ .

“Oh, I decidedly  _ do not _ ,” he answered, a smug smile crossing his features. “But I do get bored often and watching civilizations fall is...quite amusing.” I blew out a humorless laugh and shook my head. 

A tense silence began to stretch between us until Y’shtola clicked her tongue in annoyance. 

“Come. Let us prepare what we need to enter Yx’Maja,” she ordered, then launched into a conversation with the Scions, instructing them of the steps we would need to take to continue our journey.


	10. Emet-Selch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art for this chapter by Nashoki can be found ->> [here](https://twitter.com/nash0k1desu/status/1298706011302191104?s=20)

As the Scions began discussing their journey to Yx’Maja, I took a seat at the table, easily tuning out the conversation. I watched as the Warrior of Light nodded along to their words, occasionally giving her insight, her eyes intensely focused as they solidified their plan.

The Light aether seemed exactly as it had been the night in the Crystarium. Tumultuous and abundant. Obviously it was… even _more_ abundant after the second Warden. But it otherwise appeared to be relatively stable. Well, as stable as such an instability _could_ be, I supposed.

I furrowed my brow, thinking back to try to remember if I had noticed the aether so distinctly separate from her soul. Had it been obviously discernible where the Warden's aether ended and hers began that night? Or… was there merit to the question she had posed?

Had I not unintentionally infused Darkness into her to dull the brightness, would she have eventually absorbed the aether into her soul? 

If she had, would she be better off? Or would the sheer volume of it cause even worse cracks than the initial ones?

By that very logic though, perhaps the cracks had formed _because_ she was absorbing the aether. 

I narrowed my eyes, trying to inspect every minute detail of her soul, each imperfection. Trying to measure any changes within. Had they progressed? 

If they had not, if I somehow had impacted the absorption… was this for the better? Or had I made the burden worse for her soul?

I pursed my lips, bringing my hand to my chin as I tilted my head, continuing to try to look more closely at her soul beneath all the Light, its brightness nearly overwhelming even with just two Wardens’ worth of aether.

“Emet-Selch.”

I blinked quickly, looking away from the Warrior of Light towards the gunbreaker. His lips were pressed into a firm line, arms crossed over his chest.

“We asked you a question,” he bit out.

“Hm? My apologies,” I muttered, returning to look at the hero. “I was… preoccupied.”

“Yes, we could tell,” Y’shtola said from beside me. “You may as well have been staring a hole through her.”

“Something that interesting about the Warrior of Light that you can’t look away?” Thancred asked, no shortage of annoyance in his voice.

“Quite the contrary,” I replied, sliding my gaze away from the hero’s soul up to her face to examine her expression. She was regarding me with curiosity. “She’s repulsive in her radiance of Light, but looking at her is far more intriguing than listening to you lot.”

She rolled her eyes, a corner of her mouth pulling upward.

“If you’re plotting something-” Thancred began, tone turning threatening.

“Oh, I am. I always am. Though you may be surprised that my current plot is not inherently murderous,” I interjected before exhaling a slow sigh and looking back towards the Scions. “Your question?”

“Aside from ally versus friend,” Y’shtola began, lifting the tablet and flipping it over. “Was everything else well translated?”

“Well enough. There are some words that simply do not have an equivalent, but you’ve managed to discern its base meaning. It should lead you in the right direction.”

“Is there anything else we should know? Anything else you can _help_ with that you are withholding?” the hyur asked, his tone laced deeply with sarcasm.

“You act as if any of you would have believed me if I offered to translate it without a way for you to check the validity of my words,” I mused before shrugging and shaking my head. “No, there’s nothing else of value at this current juncture.”

“But there is more for later, I gather,” Y’shtola said with a sigh. “More that you will not share until you feel the time is right.”

“That, or until you ask,” I replied. “I have more than you can imagine to share and to teach, but until you realize you do not know it, why bother enlightening you?”

“But...we already know that you know things that we do not,” the Oracle chimed in, speaking softly, a hint of nervousness in her voice. “So why not just...”

“Ah, because that would be a waste of my energies, I’m afraid,” I said. “Yes, it is true that you _know_ that I have knowledge to share, but of what? What does it pertain to? What do you wish to learn more about? If I were to simply rattle off all that I know to you, we would be here for a very, _very_ long time.

“For example, this tablet and the difference between ‘ally’ and ‘friend’. There _was_ a similar symbol for ‘ally’. There are cultural implications within Ronka that explain the word choice, which I’m sure historians of the First would dispute. They would be wrong, mind you, but the point remains that this information is irrelevant to your mission.”

Silence descended within the room. Finally, Urianger cleared his throat. “Noted, Emet-Selch. We will ask.”

I nodded tersely, returning my gaze to the Warrior of Light, furrowing my brow once more as my hand came up to my chin. She sighed, shifting her weight from one leg to the other. 

“I’m wondering what you’re looking at too, if I’m being honest,” she murmured as I tapped my index finger on my lips.

“A conundrum,” I replied before standing and opening a portal. “Just a moment.”

When I emerged on the other side, the Emissary was standing with his back to me, likely taking a measure of the balance. Despite the mundanity of it, I had to admit that his ability to discern subtleties in the Light or Darkness was unrivaled. If anyone could determine if it was _my_ doing that her soul could not absorb the Light, it would be Elidibus.

He paused at the sound of my portal, lowering his hands and looking over his shoulder.

“I’ve come to request your input,” I said and watched as his expression shifted ever-so-slightly to one of restrained surprise.

“An uncommon occurrence,” he responded as he turned to face me. "What could this matter be? To have perplexed the great Architect?”

“It may be easiest to explain if I showed you,” I replied. “Upon the First.”

“Does it pertain to her?” he asked and I gave him a curt nod. 

“Her _companions_ are there as well,” I clarified and he hummed, bringing a hand to his chin.

“I can only assume that you would not ask this of me unless absolutely necessary,” he said with a sigh after a moment passed in silence between us “Very well, if only so that I may observe her for myself with this newfound information of her origins. However, _you_ may be reckless enough to present yourself without protective measures, Emet-Selch, but I will not be so nonchalant.”

I breathed a laugh, shrugging my shoulders. “An illusion should suffice,” I agreed before opening my portal once more and stepping out upon the First. 

When I returned, Elidibus had already arrived. His head was tilted to one side, arms crossed across his chest, and upon hearing the sound of my portal, he sighed heavily.

“I should have known you would have taken your time,” he said, eyes still locked on the Scions.

He peered over his shoulder at me, and though he kept his expression stoic, I could see the irritation churning in his eyes. I shrugged my shoulders, causing him to click his tongue in a rare showing of annoyance before he turned his eyes back to the Warrior of Light. 

“What is it you wanted me to see?” he asked, immediately back to his usual collected self. 

“What _do_ you see?” I asked, in lieu of responding to his inquiry and he sighed, gesturing for the hero to come forward.

She furrowed her brow, looking to me–for reassurance, perhaps?–but Elidibus spoke before I had a chance to provide her with any. 

“I will not attack you, Warrior of Light. Irrespective of any prior encounters between us, I come at the behest of one of my own on peaceful terms.”

Despite the calculated coolness and seemingly bored nature of his tone, I could tell he was already processing that which he was observing, measuring the Light that was churning within her. When she gave a small nod and stepped forward from her friends, I watched as he slowly walked around her, his hand going to his chin as he examined her more closely.

He paused in his tracks, looking at the Scions and then back at me, an unspoken question behind his mask. Did I wish to discuss this privately or should he simply speak freely?

I gave him a small nod and he returned his attention to the Light’s champion.

“This additional Light within her is blinding in its intensity, Emet-Selch,” he muttered. “It’s a wonder you stay in proximity given your… sensitivity. But beneath it…” He trailed off, meeting my eyes and I knew immediately what he was seeing. The hairline cracks, the beginnings of the loss of integrity of the structure of her soul.

I nodded slowly. “Yes, I am more than aware. I have seen it as well.” 

“This is something that you could have described,” he murmured, looking back at the Warrior of Light. “I’ve yet to see a reason for asking me here.”

I sighed, hesitating for a moment as I considered if I truly _would_ have to show him. If my actions were detrimental, was it worth the demonstration?

“Having spent as long as you have monitoring such interactions, there are few as sensitive to the nuanced relationship between Light and Darkness as you,” I finally said, coming to stand beside them and raising my hand slowly toward the hero’s shoulder. “As I am unsure of what is transpiring in its entirety, I felt it prudent to show you, that I may get your interpretation of the dynamic between the two within her.”

Realization lit in the Warrior’s eyes and she released a soft sigh of relief, understanding that I would soon calm the Light.

Immediately, I could hear the shifting of feet from the room and I raised a brow as the Scions went for their weapons. I rolled my eyes.

“Clearly the act of laying my hand on her is especially inflammatory when I am not the only Ascian present,” I sighed, clearing my throat before I slowly lowered my hand. When I made contact, the Light was instantly dulled in intensity, and the hero’s eyes fluttered shut.

“Ah, I see.” He exhaled slowly through his nose. “How intriguing.”

“Could _this_ contribute? To the lack of absorption?”

He was silent for several long moments, looking her up and down slowly as he paced in circles around her once more.

“The Darkness certainly quells it,” he finally said. “But some of it has already found its way in. If anything, it slows the process.”

“Preferable to the alternative,” I concluded and he gave me a nod, opening a portal and gesturing toward it. The rest of the conversation, it would seem, he would prefer to conduct in private. When I followed him through, he sighed, turning to face me.

“What is currently transpiring is preferable only if you accomplish what you wish to,” he said, speaking softly, a hint of sadness in his words. “Though I am unsure you will be able. She is not who she once was. It is clear with a single glance.”

I frowned, averting my gaze to stare at the floor, having nothing to say in response. When it became clear to him that I would offer nothing to counter his statements, he turned away.

“Her soul… already has signs of deterioration,” he finally offered, looking over his shoulder at me. 

“It will hold, though I am unsure how long. Perhaps another Warden or two,” I responded, and he hummed in such a way that made it clear that he doubted the validity of my assessment. “But that is a separate matter entirely. The primary issue was that the Light did not assimilate with her aether.”

“Nor should it,” he stated with a shrug. “A sundered soul such as hers has no business wielding so much power. Not as she currently stands. Were it not for her _Blessing_ , I very much doubt she otherwise could.”

“But at the very least, my aether does not contribute to the damage. If I could help her by providing a modicum of comfort, while also possibly slowing the progression of the deterioration...” I trailed off and he sighed, looking away from me once more.

“If there’s nothing else, Emet-Selch, there is much to be done.”

When I re-emerged, the room immediately went still, whatever hushed conversations they were having coming to an abrupt stop. 

The Warrior of Light turned back to face me, her expression guarded, though it softened once her eyes met mine. She shifted further so the Scions at her back could not see her face. 

“We did not realize you would be lurking, Ascian,” the miqo’te said then, her eyes narrowed. “Else Urianger and I would have taken precautions to ensure our conversation remained private.”

I watched as the hero’s face shifted, her eyes carrying her unspoken plea. She did not want them to know that she heard their conversation.

I raised a brow in response, though I was content to play along for her benefit. “Oh? Was the status of her soul meant to be a secret? My sincerest apologies, but it seems the cat is out of the bag now. Though, if you did not wish to be heard, it may be prudent to consider speaking of such matters more quietly.”

Y’shtola rolled her eyes, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, crossing her arms across her chest. “It was not meant to be a _secret_ so much as we did not wish to cause any unnecessary concern without knowing more information.”

“Hmmm,” I hummed, tilting my head. “I am quite adept at lies and secrecy, as I am sure you are aware.” 

She seemed to bristle at my words, her eyes sliding to her friend. I sighed as I continued.

“I’m afraid your words strike me as both. Though I wonder… who were you trying to deceive? Me? Or your champion?”

The room fell silent once more, no one moving or speaking a word.

The Warrior of Light sighed, looking down at the ground, her expression falling once more. Her eyes looked just as they had been when she approached me by the fire, sad and confused. Unsure what to believe, uncertain who to trust. Suddenly, she was moving, making her way to the door and wrenching it open before leaving the room without so much as a look back in their direction.

Had I not discovered the truth of her identity, I may have been pleased by the development. Thankful that things were going just as I needed them, that the pieces were falling into place to turn her against her companions, to turn her from the Light.

Instead, I just felt the beginnings of an emotion that resembled anger. That her soul would fall into the hands of those who cared so little for her wellbeing was a travesty. They knew next to nothing about the nature of their actions and yet they proceeded so carelessly, so frivolously, risking to destroy her in her entirety.

And for what? To delay the inevitable.

“We had every intention of telling her-”

“Did you?” I interjected, a slight bite to my words. “When? After she ran your next errand? Or later, after she has stuffed her soul with the rest of the Wardens, leaving her to burst at the seams? Or were you hoping everything would work out serendipitously? Would that I could reassure you that this was the case, but I cannot.”

I sighed, heading toward the door as well, pausing a moment before I left to look over my shoulder at them.

“Might I suggest proceeding with transparency and utmost caution moving forward, dear Scions? You wouldn't want to turn the Warrior of Darkness against you, would you?”

It was not difficult to track the hero down, with her soul radiating so brightly from the Wardens’ Light. Even with my Darkness around her soul, she shone like a beacon amongst the otherwise paltry souls of the Night’s Blessed.

When I approached her where she had seated herself against the wall of the caveway entrance to the camp, she did not even bother to look up, but she did heave a sigh.

“Of all the people to follow me out,” she started, speaking barely above a whisper. “To care enough to check on me… it’s the Ascian.”

“You certainly did not make yourself difficult to find,” I replied. “A woman of your talents could have easily teleported elsewhere.”

She gave a lopsided shrug, eyes still trained on her hands as she picked at the dirt that had accumulated beneath her fingernails. To her sides, the dirt was disrupted.

She had dug her fingers into the earth, more than likely to try to calm the overwhelming emotions that ran through her at the conversation that transpired in her friend’s chambers. 

“They’d worry,” she finally said, lifting her gaze towards the camp, towards the Scions of the Seventh Dawn. “If I went too far, they would worry.”

I did not respond, opting instead to search her expression carefully, noting that _her_ mask had been carefully placed. Whatever torrent of anger or sadness she felt upon her initial departure had been meticulously reined in. 

Eventually, she lowered her gaze once more to her fingers. Her movements turned rough, her frustration with the more stubborn particles that lingered despite her efforts growing with each pass. I sighed, moving forward to crouch in front of her and snapping my fingers.

A jug of clean water appeared between us and I wordlessly lifted it, tilting it to slowly pour the stream of water onto her hands. She faltered for only a moment, looking at me with a hint of surprise before she busied herself with rinsing the dirt from her skin. Finally, when she was satisfied with the result, she moved her hands back, rubbing them on her pants to dry them.

“Precisely why I tend toward gloves.”

At my words, she looked back at my face, breathing a small laugh as an easy smile crept onto her lips. “I’ll have to get myself a pair,” she replied as I put the jug down beside her.

“I’d offer to give you some, but I think your hot-tempered friend would explode if he knew they were from me,” I mused before shifting to sit across from her, my back to the opposite wall of the caveway. “So you will, unfortunately, have to requisition them for yourself.”

We sat in comfortable silence, her eyes searching my face slowly before I came to raise a brow. “Something on my face, hero?”

She blinked, a slight flush appearing on her cheeks before she cleared her throat and shook her head. “No, I-” She furrowed her brow. “I was just… thinking.”

“Care to indulge me and share?”

She hummed, bringing her knees up to her chest and hugging her legs, resting her cheek on one of her knees as she peered out into the bright forest. I could practically hear her mind churning as she considered her words carefully.

“It would be so easy to just… run away,” she finally whispered. “You could take me to wherever you and Elidibus vanished off to and I’d never have to look back.”

My eyes widened slightly at her words but before I could respond, she continued. 

“But… as much as that small part of me wants to run, to turn from my duties…” she trailed off, lifting her head to nest her chin between her knees to look at me once more, a sad smile on her lips.

I gave her a slow nod, certain I had failed to mask the disappointment in my expression. “A hero’s work is never done.”

“I found it strange from our first conversation, Emet-Selch, that you understood _exactly_ how I felt. As if you go through it too, whatever this loneliness is that comes with being a champion for a given cause.”

I shrugged slightly, trying not to give too much away in my expression. “Perhaps, on some level, you and I are more similar than you realize,” I offered. “Which is not to say that we are on the same side, but we could be.”

She hummed once more, sliding her eyes shut slowly and shaking her head. “Not with the Scions acting so narrow-minded. Not with everything that Ascians have taken away.”

“And what of everything _you_ have taken away?”

Her eyes slid open once more at my words and she furrowed her brow.

“Lahabrea, for example. One of two whom I considered to be my brothers, the only ones left besides myself of our people. Did you not have a hand in his demise?”

When she remained silent, I sighed. “There are two sides to each story, Warrior of Light. You may not know mine, nor may you ever care to hear it. But it does not make it nonexistent.”

Her lower lip trembled slightly, her eyes searching mine slowly, no doubt seeing things there that I had failed to withhold. With an unsteady exhale, she tightened her hold on her knees, pressing her forehead to them to avert her gaze.

“What did you and Elidibus go talk about?” she finally asked, changing the subject with the slightest waver in her voice. “What was so secretive that he couldn’t say it in front of us?”

I hesitated a moment before blowing out a slow breath, my cheeks puffing out with the action. 

“Your soul,” I replied honestly. “The state of it. The reality of your circumstances. The… plausibility of my plan.”

“Your plan,” she repeated, understanding clear in her voice. “I guess you won’t reveal any more details than that.”

“There are… the slightest cracks,” I murmured. “Along the edges. Though your soul is bolstered by the Blessing of Light, neither of us is sure how long it will hold.”

She hummed in consideration, shifting once more to look at me with her chin resting on her knees, her composure regained. “So it could be destroyed then.”

Not a question. A realization. Acceptance.

“It likely will, yes.”

A slight nod, a slow sigh. “Alright then.”

“You’ll continue onwards regardless?” I asked with unrestrained surprise. “After everything? The secrets, and knowing what you do?”

“I have to,” she replied instantly. “If not me, then who? These people… they need me to save their home.”

“And what of _your_ home? What will become of it without the vaunted Warrior of Light?”

She shrugged slightly. “I just have to make it through. Take it one day at a time.”

I breathed a laugh, shaking my head. “How… extraordinarily foolish of you.”

And of me, for believing I could make a difference. For believing that anything could have been changed. Thousands of years later, and her soul was _exactly_ the same as it had been. The outward appearance had changed with time, but deep down?

Unwavering in her beliefs, unfaltering in her convictions. She would follow the path that she believed to be good and just, pursue the right thing to do. No matter how much it hurt, no matter how badly she wished to do the opposite. 

No matter how fervently _I_ wished she would do the opposite.

Regardless of warnings, regardless of any doubts. She was exactly the same, in the end. 

Perhaps Elidibus had been correct. Perhaps this would prove to be an exercise in futility and I was investing more of myself than I should. It would not be too late for me to back off, to observe until I could plan a counter to their meddling-

“Will you tell me what it is you see in me?” she asked, breaking me from my thoughts and I frowned.

“I’ve already told you, that’s a conversation for after you succeed.”

“So you don’t want to tell me, then,” she retorted, without missing a beat. “Since I can tell you don’t think I will. You believe I will fail, thus you’ll never have to share it. Whatever it is that burdens you.”

I narrowed my eyes slightly at her and she shrugged her shoulders. 

“Suit yourself,” she muttered after I continued to remain seated in silence, shifting to stand, brushing the dirt from the back of her pants. I rolled my eyes, looking up at her as she adjusted her shirt and reached for her weapon once more, placing it in its usual spot and securing it. “But how can you expect me to trust you if you keep all these secrets? You said all I had to do was ask.”

I sighed, looking back toward the heart of the camp, eyes trained on the firepit. She began stretching her arms over her head.

“Eons ago,” I began as I conceded, deciding to share at least the smallest amount of the truth. She paused in her motions and looked down at me, tilting her head as she listened. “There was a city. The inhabitants of this city believed it to be the greatest upon the star.”

A soft smile crept onto my lips as I thought back and I sighed as I continued. “I have yet to experience another quite like it, so perhaps they were correct in their assessment. But within this city, there was… a council of sorts.

“Fourteen souls charged with the leadership, protection, and development of their home. And among the fourteen, there was one who always stood firm for what she believed to be right, regardless of what anyone around her said or did. Even if it took her from her home, even if she could not rely on those around her.”

I paused, the Fourteenth standing before me. I felt the corners of my lips pull upward, my smile widening as I let my eyes roam her face, before sliding along the length of her body. Long, flowing robe. Mask slightly askew from her incessant scurrying from place to place. Shining eyes. Playful smile. Bright laugh. Radiant soul. 

Only for her to fade mere moments later, the Warrior of Light left in her place. I sighed, feeling my expression fall as I looked down and away from the hero.

“She is what I see in you.”


	11. Warrior of Light

I paused at his admission, my lips parting as a genuine smile spread along his lips, albeit a little sad as he recalled his past. The look of sheer adoration in his eyes as they scoured my body, remembering someone from long, long ago… before he was brought back to reality and his face fell, his expression bordering on despair.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.

My gaze dropped from his to the ground at my feet as I closed my mouth again, brow furrowing. 

He had  _ finally _ shared a part of himself with me, no matter how small. 

And I had  _ no idea _ how to respond. Every time I tried, the words would get caught in my throat. 

What should I say? What  _ was _ there to say? How does...one respond to that?

“Is...is that why I can see your heart breaking more and more the longer you look at me?” I asked him finally, in lieu of offering him my condolences. 

When he didn’t respond, I lifted my eyes to him once more. His head was arched back, staring up at the ceiling of the cave entrance. 

Immediately, I felt something shift between us. Their air became tense- strained- and I realized I had said the wrong thing. I had pried too deep when he hadn’t wanted me to and now I was going to pay for it. 

I opened my mouth to take it back, to apologize, to-

“Well, hero,” he said with a groan, bracing his hands on his knees before pushing off of them and standing once more. The tone of his voice was colder than it had been mere moments ago, his mask of lazy smugness sliding easily back onto his face.

“No, wait-” 

“As exciting and enlightening as this conversation has been, I feel I must adjourn to my shadowy vigil once more, if only to provide my eyes with a reprieve from the insufferable beacon that is your soul.” I heard a hum as he opened a portal.

“Please don’t-” 

I reached out for him, but before I could finish my sentence, before my hand could close around his arm, he was gone, along with any of the comfort he had provided me.

“-go…”

I sighed, looking down at the dirt again. I felt the corners of my eyes sting with water.

Could he not see that all I wanted was to understand? That I  _ desperately _ wanted to trust him? That I…

I heaved a deep, uneven sigh as the thoughts spun through my mind.

That I...pretty much already did?

I covered my eyes with my hand for a moment and took a steadying breath, trying to rid myself of my tears as the realization took hold. I  _ did _ trust him, didn’t I? Even if he had omitted important information, even if he refused to open up about his past. Even if the Scions were still so hesitant…

I breathed a bitter, humorless laugh.

I thought about seeking him out to  _ actually _ apologize but… Would he pull away further?

If I...gave him some time, maybe he would come back. 

I lifted my head again, looking to the spot he had just disappeared from, the dirt where he had been sitting disturbed. As I lowered my arm, my eyes were drawn to my hand, my mind wandering, envisioning him pouring water over my dirty fingers. 

The Light in my chest pulled, then. Strained and thrashed. I cringed, my hand going to my chest, waiting patiently, unmoving, until it quieted. 

When it had, my fingers curled into a fist and I sighed once more, the strength of my resolution hardening. Give him time, and give him space.

And in the meantime, continue on with the mission. He will come back once he has calmed down.

I hoped, anyway.

The next day, after receiving a flurry of apologies, we left the safe-keeping of the Night’s Blessed in the hands of Runar and continued on. 

I was quiet most of the day, my mind stuck on Emet-Selch as we travelled the Greatwood, looking for the stone monuments to which we had to pay our respects. I was worried- not for his well-being, of course. I knew without the shadow of a doubt that he could easily take care of himself. No, I was concerned that, with my question the previous day, I had ruined… whatever it was that we had, tenuous as it sometimes seemed. 

The Scions, to their credit, seemed tense and worried as well, seemingly unwilling to request that I complete this task after our argument. 

So much so that  _ Urianger _ , of all people, offered to do so in my stead. 

“No,” I had said with a small, forced smile. “It should be me. I can breathe underwater, afterall.” 

The glance they exchanged was not out of my notice, but they finally seemed to relax and I went about touching my palm to the statues to obtain the seal that would allow us entry to Yx’maja.

When I was finished, we went through the gate in Slitherbough and headed deeper into the forest. 

It did not take us long before we came face-to-face with three of its sentinels, armed with bows and spears- ready to kill us first and ask questions later. But when Y’shtola presented the seal to them, they quickly had a change of heart and bade us to  _ follow the flowers _ back to their village in the trees.

“Would it kill them to escort us?” the miqo’te said with a click of her tongue. I breathed a short laugh at the bitterness in her voice, the tension I’d been holding in my muscles since the night before beginning to bleed away. She sighed. “But, if it affords us an opportunity to investigate Yx’Maja...fine.”

My companions and I happened upon the village easily with the bright, blue, nearly-glowing flowers to guide our way. The viera took the seal for closer inspection and with a relieved smile, introduced herself and her sisters. 

The chieftainess continued, explaining what became of the Ronkan empire and their purpose for remaining where they were- to guard its ruins and keep its wisdom secret and safe from those who came to use it with ill intent. 

We explained our purposes for being in the Greatwood, and with their acceptance, split up to speak with the few viera left in Fanow to see if they had any information on the whereabouts of the Lightwarden. 

We did not have much luck, learning nothing of consequence until, at the end of the day, I happened upon a warrior in the dining hall. Korille told me of her mother who, before she passed, had lived in a village near Rak’tika Falls. The settlement had been destroyed by sin eaters- the survivors found their way to Fanow after a tunnel leading to the village collapsed. There, the Viis had claimed to happen upon a sin eater that was  _ different  _ from the others. 

When we returned to Almet to discuss our findings, she and her sisters confirmed there was such a battle- and while they had tried many times to clear the rubble from the entrance, they were driven back each time. 

I exchanged a glance with Y’shtola, who nodded. We were of the same mind.

The perfect place for the Warden to hide. 

“There is perhaps another way to enter,” the chieftainess admitted after a moment, hesitation in her words. “Though it would be at great peril to you and yours.” 

I had to bite back a laugh. As if my entire life hadn’t been spent throwing myself in dangers’ way.

“Its entrance has been sealed for centuries, but within is a path that leads to the falls. For the allies of Ronka, we shall open it.”

But first, we had to discover how to restore the flow of magic to the K’mul Astropolis. The last emperor of Ronka had not allowed their forebears leave to investigate their peoples’ secrets, the sentinels informed us, and so that they would not be tempted, the means to unlock them had been withheld.

“We can but show you the way. The rest will be up to you.”

With a sigh, I nodded. At the very least, we had the advantage of Y’shtola’s knowledge on our side. She would, most likely, be able to come up with a solution.

“Well,” I began, turning to the Scions. “We’ve no time to waste.”

As our quest through the Wood continued, I found myself scanning the trees, searching for any sign of the missing Ascian. There was no way that, after the argument in Slitherbough, his sudden absence hadn’t gone unnoticed.

But, every time, my quick searches turned up nothing. I could feel him lurking, watching...but from where, I did not know. 

My shoulders slumped, the Light seemingly churning faster and more vicious with my worsening mood. I rubbed my chest over my shirt, willing it to calm itself, knowing full-well it wouldn’t work. 

There was only one thing that would.

I watched out of the corner of my eye as Y’shtola examined me closely, then opened her mouth to speak. However, she knew not what to say, and slowly closed it again, averting her eyes to the path ahead. 

“Does it hurt?” she asked, finally. 

“No,” I answered, quickly. It didn’t hurt. Not yet. 

Soon, though…

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, quietly. I tensed again. This wasn’t what I wanted to speak about. To be reminded- “We didn’t want to keep it from you. We just weren’t  _ sure _ . We didn’t want you to-”

“I understand,” I interrupted her, my words accompanied by a thin-lipped smile. “Stop apologizing. Let’s just…” I sighed. “Let’s just focus.”

With a curt nod, we fell into silence once more, only speaking to relay any discoveries we found while searching the ruins to uncover the riddle. 

But just as we were about to head into the Astropolis, Cymet appeared, panicked and out of breath.

“Eul-Eulmoran soldiers,” she gasped between breaths. “They’ve entered Yx’Maja!” Instantly, Y’shtola straightened. 

“Eulmore? What of the Blessed?”

“We-we have no specifics,” the viera explained. “But after your confrontation in Slitherbough, it seems they very suddenly have little interest in its people.”

“They cannot set foot inside the ruins!” her sister insisted. 

“Yes,” Cymet agreed. “Many of our warriors, Uimet and Thancred included, have engaged them at the border, but I ran here to inform you.”

“You are to return and assist Uimet at once,” Almet said with a nod of understanding. “We will see to matters here and return as quickly as we are able.”

“Be careful,” Cymet urged us, then spun on her heel and took off again for Fanow.

“I expected to be short on time,” Y’shtola admitted with a shake of her head. “But I did not think the Eulmorans would move so swiftly. Especially after…” Her gaze slid to me for a moment and I caught her meaning. “No matter. It is far too late for us to turn back now, but let us resolve to finish our task quickly.”

With a deep breath and a nod, we headed inside. 

We made quick work of the door blocking our way- easily finding and returning the owl to its place on the pedestal outside- and continued on through the labyrinth-like temple before Uimet contacted Almet to inform us that two Eulmoran soldiers had broken through their ranks and were heading for the temple.

I pursed my lips. 

Ran’jit  _ had _ to be among them. 

We moved quickly through the puzzles and dodged giant balls of stone before the general and his adjutant found us, coming through a door opposite us. 

While the Viis distracted them, Y’shtola and I ran for the Heart of Toupasa. The stone sentinels collapsed, but immediately after, cries of pain sounded behind us, followed quickly by three separate  _ thuds _ .

The both of us whipped around to see the chieftainess and her sisters lying on the ground. Beyond, Ran’jit stood outside the door. 

In a moment, he closed the distance between us. Y’shtola threw herself in front of me, erecting a barrier and eyeing the monk with a fierce gaze as he tried to break through.

“I think not.”

I paused at her actions, my lips parting for a moment. She-

“General!” a soldier called as he rushed into the large room we had occupied. “Hold on!” But as he stepped over a glowing stone in the floor, we  _ all _ heard it move. 

And when the ground began to shake, the miqo’te dissipated the barrier, quickly stepping back as it started falling out from under our feet. 

The adjutant barely made it, coming to a stop in front of the Scion, who crossed her arms over her chest, looking unimpressed. 

“Expertly done,” she quipped with no humor in her voice.

“Might we come to some kind of accord?” he asked after taking a quick look over the edge- more than likely, measuring the distance to the bottom. He reached into his coat and pulled out a corked vial. “As you know, we poisoned a number of the villagers in Slitherbough with a toxin brewed for us by the Children. This is its antidote.”

Immediately, my stance went slack. Y’shtola took a step forward, eyes on the vial. The man, however, took a step back, holding it over the chasm behind him and she paused. 

“Eventually,” he continued. “Someone will come to our rescue- or to yours. Swear to us safe passage and I’ll hand it over.” A scoff to the side. 

“We do not negotiate with the enemy,” Ran’jit began. “Their lives are forfeit and now, for your words, so is yours.”

Faster than my eyes could see, the general rushed forward, pushing his subordinate off the edge. His eyes widened in shock. 

Everything seemed to slow in that moment. 

Y’shtola- who had been with me since the very beginning- bared her teeth and without so much as a word, eyes never leaving the vial still wrapped in the man’s hand, leapt off the remaining ground. 

My breath caught and I reached for her. 

No-

The edges of her skirt slipped through my fingers as she reached with all her might for the antidote. I had to catch myself from stumbling off the edge before she grasped it in her hand and flung it back to me. 

“Do not fail,” she said as I caught it. Her eyes locked with mine, a knowing smile on her face. 

And all at once, time returned to normal. 

“Y’shtola!” I shouted.

But she was falling. Too fast-

I ran to the edge, a heavy gust of wind hitting my face as she disappeared into the darkness of the chasm below. 

No. I’d…

I dropped to my knees, tears welling in my eyes. 

The last thing I’d truly said to her...My words had been cold. Unfriendly. 

And now she was…

How...how could I?

“How noble,” Ran’jit said, taking a few steps to the edge. “And pointless.” 

I stood and turned to him in a slow, fluid motion, my chin trembling with regret, anger welling within me at the amused tone of his voice. Before I could draw my weapon, a yellow light surrounded him and he was very suddenly wrenched off the edge. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Thancred barreling toward him, and with one slash of his gunblade the general stopped mid-air for a single moment before falling into the abyss. 

“Where...where is Y’shtola?” Minfilia’s voice asking, echoing through the room. I clenched my jaw and looked down at the vial of antidote still in my hand, preparing to deliver a concise explanation of how events had played out. 

Afterwards, the remaining Scions helped me back over the edge, where we woke the viera, still unconscious from their duel with Ran’jit, and quickly left the temple. It was decided that we split the antidote and administer it to those who had been affected. 

At Fanow, when Runar had been properly dosed, Urianger bade me to rest while he attended to the hrothgar’s wounds. 

Instead, I sat on the edge of one of the platforms, legs dangling over the edge, hands tightly gripping the edge as Y’shtola’s fall played over and over again in my mind. My nails scraped against the wood as my fingers curled. 

Rage filled me again- at myself, at my actions. The way I’d spoken to her before her final moments. Yes, she had hidden things from me but...friends forgave each other, didn’t they? I hadn’t...even granted her that kindness. 

I had betrayed that friendship. I closed my eyes, letting the tears slide down my cheeks and off my chin, soaking into the cloth of my pants.

A gust of wind blew past me, blowing stray drops of water from my face, tugging at my hair, securly tied back and out of my face-

My mouth dropped open. But... _ wait _ . The wind...deep inside a cave?

I wiped the tears from my face and rushed back to Urianger, who was still keeping vigil at Runar’s side, just as Thancred and Minfilia returned to Fanow. The gunbreaker nodded to me, confirming that the antidote had been distributed. 

I opened my mouth to relay my own findings, but the hrothgar’s voice interrupted my thoughts. My eyes widened and we all turned to him, relaxing as he sat up, assuring Urianger that he was well. But as he took us in, his face fell.

I was forced to explain what had happened, trying to keep my voice steady as I spoke. My heart broke again and again as he  _ begged _ us to start searching for her- that she was surely still alive that-

“Forgive the interruption,” Almet’s voice said behind us and we turned to face her. “But we have apprehended an intruder. He...does not strike me as Eulmoran so we thought, perhaps, he was an associate of yours.” She looked over her shoulder and my eyes lifted, following her gaze. 

My knees almost gave out.

“Oh, look who it is,” Thancred nearly spat, venom laced through his words. 

“Well, this is embarrassing,” Emet-Selch said as he came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs. He paused a moment, eyes immediately going to my chest before he continued. “In my defense, they are surprisingly tenacious. My punishment for napping in a tree, I suppose.” He tore his eyes away from me then, gaze easily sliding over my friends. “What trouble have you gotten yourselves into this time, I wonder?”

It took everything in me not to roll my eyes. As if he had let himself be caught off guard. As if he wasn’t watching every step we had taken to get to where we were now. I humored him with an explanation, though it was short, missing many of the finer details. 

“Well, well,” he started once I had finished. “What an intriguing turn of events.” He focused on me once more. “My condolences, Warrior. ‘Tis never easy to lose the ones we love.” I released a heavy sigh and nodded. His words, shielded as they were, still contained that  _ hint _ of sincerity I had learned to listen for.

Thancred, however, furrowed his brow. “As if you were not the one to go to Eulmore notify its leader of our whereabouts.”

“Oh, spare me your accusations,” the Ascian drawled with a roll of his eyes. “Lest you forget,  _ Scion _ , I was the one to steer them away from your  _ precious _ Night’s Blessed-”

“Surely only a ruse.” Emet-Selch huffed an indignant laugh. “That you should be indifferent to her loss is no surprise-”

“Thancred,” I said, sharply. “Arguing is not going to help anyone.” The hyur gritted his teeth, but closed his mouth. The murderous look in his eyes did not lessen, however, though he remained content to stare the Ascian down. 

Just then another breeze blew past and I remembered-

“What is it?” Minfilia asked a few moments later. I looked to her, her intuitive eyes seeing everything. I put a finger to my lips in thought. 

“After Y’shtola fell,” I began. The others focused their attention in on me again. “There was a powerful gust of wind. But we were...so deep inside the tunnels, there’s no way that… It  _ had _ to be some sort of...” My words trailed off, and I could swear I saw the cogs of Thancred’s mind working through his eyes.

“...Flow?” I tilted my head in confusion. “After...after the banquet in Ul’dah, she used a sort of...teleportation magic to spirit us away. There was a similar gale in the tunnel as it took effect.”

“Interesting,” the Ascian said slowly, raising a hand to his chin. “I thought I felt a disturbance in the Lifestream. Quite reassuring to know it was not my imagination.” I sucked in a breath, my friends freezing. 

The Lifestream. He-he could sense it? I turned, slowly and he tilted his head to the side.

“I should mention, I suppose, that I only felt it once, which suggests that she is still adrift on its currents.” 

But if that’s where she was, we could- We’d done it before- 

“Then I fear she may yet be lost to us,” Urianger sighed. “It was only by the grace of the elementals that she was plucked from that great aetherial river. We have no way of doing so now.” My shoulders slumped. He always was the voice of reason, even if it wasn’t what we wanted to hear.

“Oh, very well,” Emet-Selch said with a click of his tongue. My head shot up, my stomach twisting in nervous anticipation as I waited for his next words. “I’ll go and fetch her for you.” My breath caught and even Thancred seemed to be at a loss for words. “Perhaps a clear and unambiguous act of kindness will serve to  _ finally _ win the trust you lot seem so determined to deny me.”

His eyes landed on me then, an unusually soft smile spreading across his lips. I opened my mouth to speak, but he took a step closer to me, busying himself with an explanation of what I needed to do to aid him- to find where the Lifestream was at its strongest.

With a snap of his fingers, a lantern dropped into my hands and he sent me on my way with naught else but an order to whistle for him when I found the designated area. 

“You do know how to whistle, don’t you, hero?” he asked me. Immediately, I bristled at his tone of voice. He raised an eyebrow at my reaction, the tenderness in his expression gone. “Just put your lips together and-”

I shoved my elbow into his side as I pushed past him. “I know how to whistle,” I mumbled as I passed. I paused, looking over my shoulder for a moment as the smirk on his face widened and he chuckled. I huffed and stomped away. 

When I exited Fanow, my annoyance at him withered away. He had been short with me- mean, even. The playfulness he had exuded in our previous encounters was all but gone.

Was he still angry with me? 

The thought plagued me as I did as he instructed. 

It wasn’t long before the lantern began to glow brightly. I set it down onto the ground and whistled loudly. 

When he arrived, along with my friends, he took a slow look around. 

“Yes, this place should serve well enough,” he announced and bade me move away so that he had room to concentrate. Thancred exchanged a tense glance with me as I joined him, but when the Ascian raised his hand into the air, all of our eyes shot to him.

“Now, what color was her soul again?” Emet-Selch asked, more to himself than anyone else. Minfilia gasped as the air seemed to  _ shimmer _ around him. “Ah, there you are.”

He snapped his fingers and one, singular sparkling particle began growing, the light becoming blinding. I covered my eyes as it flashed brightly, but lowered my hand when a myriad of gasps broke out around me. 

She was- Y’shtola was-

He snapped once more, the clothes that she had previously been wearing appearing on her body before she slowly floated towards the ground. 

I stood back as my friends rushed forward. A soft smile spread across my lips as she woke, audibly trying to remember what had happened. Realization crossed her face and she looked past the others- straight to me. I nodded to her, breathing a sigh of relief. 

As they continued with their small celebration, I heard the grass behind me rustle. I looked over my shoulder to see the Ascian approaching, coming to a stop beside me. 

“Is there aught you wish to say to me?”

“Thank you,” I said after a moment. He nodded, but offered no other words. I bit my bottom lip, wanting to say more, but I was unsure of  _ what _ . I didn’t want him to pull further away.

I...I  _ enjoyed _ his company and...perhaps I should just tell him-

“I’m sor-” I shifted so that I could face him, but he was already gone. 

I stared at the empty spot he had just occupied for long moments, my heart aching. 

I heard Minfilia call my name and blinked out of my trance. When I turned, the Scions and Runar were beginning to make their way back towards Fanow. 

With a sigh and one last glance to the ground where Emet-Selch had been standing, I nodded and jogged over to them to help Y’shtola. 

He was not far from my mind the entire evening as I sat with my friends. He had...offered us something that he did not have to even mention. 

Every time I thought of it, I would find myself smiling. 

Late into the night, when they were all resting comfortably in the small, suspended houses the Viis had lent us, tucked away in the trees, I laid in bed as the Light thrashed about in my chest, staring up at the ceiling. At that very moment, it was nothing more than a reminder that he was not here. 

His smirk, his arrogance. 

The very pull I felt in my soul, much deeper than the Light. 

I found that I...missed it. I missed  _ him _ .

I placed my hand over my chest, as if I would be able to feel the churn beneath my skin. Slowly, I sat up. Maybe...maybe this time it was my turn to seek him out. To try and make amends. To show him that I...wanted him to be there with me. That I...had perhaps come to trust him.

And so, I quickly redressed and snuck out of the village in search of the Ascian.


	12. Emet-Selch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay this time. Had a really rough weekend. Sad news. :( Anyway, sexual content ahoy!
> 
> Also happiest of birthday wishes to my amazing co-author. I love you! <3

How much time had passed?

Minutes? Hours?

… days? 

I stared blearily up at the canopy above me, squinting as the leaves shifted once more with the breeze, the abundance of Light shining through straight into my eyes. 

It surely could not have been days since I pulled the Scion from the Lifestream. The Light was still thick in the air, and they would have certainly made progress toward ridding the Greatwood of its Warden if _days_ had passed.

But that nap had felt… more productive than most. Hours then.

I yawned, sitting up on the branch I settled into and stretching my arms over my head. Admittedly, I probably should have gone to nap elsewhere. Somewhere less… bright.

I sighed, thinking back to prior events as a slight scowl spread across my features. 

‘Thank you’, she had said. And naught much else.

But what did I honestly expect, from the Warrior of Light? That she would apologize?

For that matter, should she? Did I care for the words and actions of a Sundered being such as her?

Seven times rejoined, yes, but unwhole just the same. So why let it bother me so?

I crossed my arms over my chest, the furrow between my brow deepening as I considered the implications of the question she had asked me that led to my initial departure. 

_Was_ my heart breaking each time I looked at her? Each moment that passed and I beheld the fragmented nature of her soul, falling even further apart from the strain of the Wardens’ power?

It _seemed_ foolish, and if I were to discuss it with Elidibus, he likely would agree with that assessment. 

‘She is not who she once was. Do not let her interfere with our plans any further’, he would say. Then again, I haven’t been entirely compliant to the wishes of the Convocation when it came to her. Even should he say such a thing, would I listen?

Not that she was entirely interfering to begin with. After all, if she broke under the pressure, if her soul was unable to contain and control the Light… 

Then she would simply fulfill a different role in my plan. One less preferable in the sense that her soul would likely be forever damaged, but still in the intended direction. Toward the Ardor.

What was once one step away was now a hop, skip and a jump away, but still attainable. 

Ideally with _out_ the destruction of the soul now housed within the Warrior of Light. There was no telling what impact such damage would have on her ability to be restored with the Rejoining, after all.

What if, should her soul be ripped asunder by all this Light she was forcing herself to collect, it was lost forever, with no possibility of returning to what it once was?

Was it worth the risk? To simply allow her to continue her course knowing she likely would not be able to control the Light, that she likely would end up turning into a sin eater with an irreparable soul?

The alternative would be to continue to travel alongside her, to continue to feel the makeshift sutures around the hole the Sundering had left ripped open with each passing glance. 

But it would be the only way to stop her and prevent further damage. Either convince her to give up her quest entirely, or find a way to expend the Light. A way to repair her soul before it fell apart entirely.

And she was as stubborn as she has ever been, a trait that had not been lost through time or the Sundering. Abandoning her mission was likely out of the question. Though I should still try to see if she will listen, to spare me the difficulty of finding a way to accomplish the alternative.

Because she was correct, no matter how much I attempted to convince myself of the opposite. My heart did break each time I looked at her. Each time she looked at me and did not recognize me as she should, did not know who I was, who _she_ was. 

What we once were. 

The sound of approaching footsteps caught my attention and I turned my head in its direction to see the very woman I had been lamenting over. 

I looked back at the leaves above my head, heaving a heavy sigh. I had yet to solidify my plan, had yet to make up my mind. But she had sought me out, for one reason or another.

How had she found me, I wonder? 

Not that I picked a tree tremendously far from the settlement she and the Scions were staying in. Perhaps on a subconscious level, I had _wanted_ her to find me. As ridiculous as that was.

She came to stop below the bough I was laying upon, seeming to wait for my acknowledgment. When I did not react, I heard her sigh and suddenly, the sounds of her boots scraping against bark filled my ears.

I sat up slightly, peering over to see her adeptly climbing up the tree, making her way up toward me, fierce determination written all over her expression. With a groan and the roll of my eyes, I lay back down, draping my arm over my eyes.

She would not give me the time I needed to decide my course of action, it would seem. Another similarity. Impatience beyond measure.

“Must you pester me so soon? I’m still recuperating.”

“I wouldn’t have to pester you,” she started, panting between words, grunting as she heaved herself up yet another level of branches. “If you didn’t leave so quickly.”

“You seemed to have naught much else to say,” I retorted. “So I thought it best to depart. To allow you time with your friends.”

Though they were hardly the best of friends in my mind, keeping secrets of that magnitude from her. I had been more forthcoming and we were meant to be enemies. But would I be, had I not discovered the truth of her soul? Perhaps not.

She heaved a heavy sigh when she finally grabbed hold of the branch I was on, causing it to shake slightly as she pulled herself up. When she finally climbed atop it, she stood at its base, her back against the trunk of the tree.

I angled my arm up slightly to allow myself to see her, watching as she straightened her clothes and wiping the sweat from her brow before she leaned back against the bark. 

“Can I help you?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” she replied, though it sounded rehearsed, as if she had planned her words carefully as she searched for me. I exhaled slowly through my nose. 

“And if I did not wish to speak with you, then what?”

She scoffed at my words. “Right. When I want to avoid someone, I also choose a tree within eyesight of the village they’re in.”

“Yes, you have me all figured out, hero. You and you alone were the sole factor in my decision making.”

“So why this tree then?” she asked after a slow exhale at the sarcasm in my tone.

I raised my arm slightly, arching a brow at her. She raised hers in response, crossing her arms.

“Is this an exercise in analyzing my mind? I’ll indulge you just this once, I suppose.” I lazily lifted my arm completely, pointing off to the side. “Your friend was extracted somewhere over there. The other trees in this immediate area do not have boughs strong enough to sleep in, nor adequate foliage to shield my eyes. Thus, this tree.”

“You could have left Rak’tika entirely.”

I groaned, draping my arm over my eyes once more. “Would you like me to? I can do so after I finish resting. Extracting someone from the Lifestream is quite taxing.”

“No,” she responded after a moment. “I don’t want you to leave. There’s something I wanted to say.”

“Well, go on then,” I murmured, arm still covering my eyes, my tone bored. “Before I change my mind.”

“I wanted to apologize,” she finally said. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Oh please,” I muttered with a sigh. “Being upset with you would have been a waste of my energy.”

She huffed a humorless laugh. “Why are you acting this way? You’ve let me see a different side of you already, so why bother with this act?”

“You and I are not equivalent to each other, Warrior of Light,” I explained, groaning as I shifted to sit up and then bring myself to a stand. “It simply is not worth my time to harbor many sentiments _at all_ toward you.”

“Because our souls are different,” she responded. Matter-of-factly, as if she truly understood. There was no trace of hurt in her voice.

“Quite.”

“But you harbor _something_ for me, or for her, I guess,” she stated after she tilted her head at me. “The woman from that city. Some sort of fondness.”

I tensed slightly, clenching my jaw as she averted her gaze, staring up at the canopy of leaves above us.

“Is that the reason you’ve come here? To test the limits of my patience?”

She looked at me again, opening her mouth to respond when I cut her off by continuing. I took slow steps toward her, stopping a couple of fulms away.

“You say you wanted to talk, but you continue to say things in the same vein of the things that led to my prior departure,” I muttered, peering down at her as she leaned against the tree. “If you’ve nothing of substance to speak on, I must insist that you leave me alone.”

“To do what?”

“I’m not entirely sure it’s any of your business, hero.”

“It is,” she insisted. “You said we’d cooperate, you said that you would lend your knowledge, that you would not interfere. So if your plans involve meddling-”

“ _You_ are the one _meddling_ ,” I interjected. “You do not even _belong_ to this shard, and you’re risking life and limb for it.”

“Because your actions here will impact the Source,” she said, her voice rising slightly. 

“Do try to control your temper, Warrior of Light,” I chided. “The last thing I need is to be shot out of the tree by your hot-tempered _friends_.”

She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

“You admitted it yourself that a calamity was your end goal.”

“Well, of _course_ it is. Not that you’d ever understand.”

“And how do you expect me to understand?!” she asked, throwing her arms up as she began to yell again. 

“Hero,” I warned, hearing her voice begin to carry through the trees.

“I don’t _care_ if they hear me! They _should_ be here to hear your responses! How do you honestly believe you can garner trust when you pick and choose which questions to answer? When you’re evasive beyond measure?”

I clicked my tongue as her tirade came to a close, the hum of a portal opening behind her making her eyes widen. With a gentle shove, she was forced through, and I emerged to stand in front of her.

Her eyes were wildly scanning the room as the portal slid shut, the aether causing the curtains to flutter. I raised a hand, the lights in the room glowing more brightly as the heavy curtains snapped shut with the click of my fingers.

The Warrior of Light flinched with the sudden movement.

“Where… are we?”

“Welcome to my humble abode, hero,” I muttered, gesturing vaguely at the ornate recreation of the apartment I had kept before the Final Days. “I decided to spirit you away from the forest for my own safety and sanity, since you seem wholly incapable of controlling yourself.”

“You’ve taken me _against my will_ ,” she accused, marching up to me.

“I _did_ warn you to keep your voice down.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Take me back.”

“If you wish to speak to me, you will do it on my own terms,” I offered with a shrug. “Take it or leave it.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, leaning heavily on one leg as she tapped her foot against the marble flooring.

“Fine,” she muttered with a sigh. “How do you expect me to learn anything about you if you don’t _let_ me ask?”

“This was never meant to be about learning about _me_ ,” I scoffed with a shrug. “I do not care if you never learn anything to do with me other than what I have already mistakenly revealed.”

I watched as her face shifted with her frustration, her hand coming to rest over her heart, gripping the cloth of her armor into a fist.

“I want to!” she yelled, taking a step toward me. “I want to ask you everything I can think of because you are the first person I thought was actually telling me the truth!”

“That could get you into a lot of trouble, Warrior of Light. Putting your trust in an Ascian-”

“I don’t _care_ if you’re an Ascian!”

The room went still for a moment. I exhaled sharply, taking a step toward her as she took a step back.

“Well, perhaps you should,” I retorted, my own voice rising with frustration as I continued to step toward her until she was flush against the door. “You care _so little_ for your own well-being, enough that you _hunt down_ your _enemy_ alone?”

“So you admit it then!” 

I furrowed my brow. “What in Zodiark’s-”

“You said your ‘ _plan’_ ,” she hissed, her eyes narrowing at me once again as she raised her hand to jab her index finger against my chest. “You told me you weren’t _scheming_ but you’ve just called me your _enemy_!”

“Well of _course_ I have a plan!” I shouted in response, slamming one of my hands against the door beside her face. She huffed indignantly, her lips drawing into a pout as her brow furrowed with her anger.

“So you’ve just been stringing me along then-”

“What? _No_ , don’t be-”

“Don’t _lie_ to me, Ascian-”

“I _need_ to have a plan when dealing with you! How else am I supposed to-” I gestured up and down the length of her body. “ _-be around you_ when all I can think of otherwise is how-”

Before I could finish, she surged forward pressing her lips against mine.

And a moment later, I shook my head, taking a step back as I pulled my lips from hers. “That is where I’ll draw the line, hero.”

She exhaled sharply, reaching out to grab the red sash I was wearing across my chest and pulling on it to force me toward her.

“Weren’t you the one who said the Scions should ask me what _I_ want?”

“And what is it you want, then?” I said, my voice soft enough that I was not sure it carried.

“Isn’t this what you suggested at the pub? That you could be a body to warm my bed?” she whispered as she stood up on her toes to bring her lips closer to mine and I sighed.

“Things have notably changed since then. My goals remain the same, and we will inevitably battle one another. I… cannot be what you seek. Regardless of who I see in you.”

She narrowed her eyes at me, tightening her grip on the cloth. “What, so now that you’re reminded of someone else it’s not okay to toy with my emotions anymore?”

I frowned, looking away to avert my gaze. It had certainly been my intention to toy with her, to lead her on in order to further my own goals. I had not expected to-

“You actively _seduced_ me, Emet-Selch,” she muttered, releasing the sash to grip my chin and force me to look at her once more. “You lured me into your arms and now you’re arbitrarily moving the line. I just… I want to feel what I felt that night again.”

My eyes slowly roamed her face, taking in the blush that had spread across her cheeks as she made her intentions clear. I exhaled shakily, lifting my hand slowly to cup the side of her face. 

She moved her hand then, gripping my wrist to stop me, shaking her head as she leaned in closer.

“I am not the woman from that city,” she whispered, her lips brushing against mine. “You don’t have to treat me like you treated her.”

But she was the same woman, even if she did not know it. What she had felt that night was the resonance between our souls, the unique connection we had shared that was impossible to forget. And despite everything in my mind telling me that I should not give in to this request, that I should keep my distance because she would just cloud my judgement just as she had done so many times in the past…

Before I could realize it, before I could stop myself, I pressed my lips firmly against hers. She immediately relaxed into me, kissing me back with fervor.

I allowed my hands to land where they may, roaming her body, twining into her hair. Her hands slid up my torso, unfastening the buckle at my waist before she slipped them under the heavy leather of my coat, forcing it unceremoniously off my shoulders. 

Pulling back, I clicked my tongue at her impatience, releasing my hold on her to allow the clothing to fall to the ground with a _thud_. She wasted no time, bundling the rest of my attire in her hands and lifting it up until she was on her tip-toes to remove it from my body. She dropped it to the side, immediately wrapping her arms around my neck to pull me back toward her, hungrily seeking my lips once more.

I moved my hands then, unfastening her armor, slipping them beneath the cloth. The smooth material of my gloves brushed against her stomach and I could feel her muscles clench beneath my touch. Slowly, I slid my hand upward, brushing the silken fabric against her breast, eliciting a sharp gasp against my mouth as her nipple immediately hardened. 

She pulled her lips from mine, releasing her hold on me to begin discarding her armor, letting them fall into a heap at her feet. She quickly removed the thin garment that remained, leaving her breasts bare, her chest heaving as she panted to catch her breath.

I let my eyes roam every ilm of her expression, taking in the beautiful flush of her cheeks, the way her lids were hooded, her lashes casting a shadow upon her face. I raised my hands between us, slowly tugging on each finger of one of my gloves. 

I watched as her eyes honed in on the motion, the smirk on my lips widening as her eyes darkened with the anticipation of what was to come. When I had finally removed it, I let it fall to the ground, languidly removing the other before pressing my hands on either side of her head against the door.

Her impatience soon got the best of her, and she moved her hands to grip the sides of my face, pulling me towards her to crush her lips against mine, a soft moan escaping her against my mouth. I pulled back nearly instantly, grabbing hold of her hands with my own to raise them and pin them above her head against the door. 

“We do this my way, Warrior of Light,” I said when she let out a soft keening whine at the loss of contact. “Or not at all.”

“Is that really necessary?” Her lips parted, a soft puff of air releasing against my lips as I shifted to hold both of her wrists in one hand against the door.

“Do you mean to say you mean to deny me? This small pleasure of making you squirm?” I asked with a smirk and her cheeks flushed, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. Her eyes searched mine, uncertainty dancing beneath the surface and a corner of my mouth pulled upwards as I hooked my thumb into the waistband of her trousers, sliding article of clothing down her hips in a deliberately slow, drawn out motion. When they were low enough, she lifted her legs to remove them the rest of the way, kicking her boots off in the process.

“Are you opposed? I will certainly make it worth your while.”

She seemed to steel herself with my words, nodding as she released the breath she had been holding. I leaned forward then, pressing my lips against the corner of her mouth before slowly trailing kisses along her jawline. When I reached her ear, I exhaled a slow breath, relishing in the shiver that tore through her body. 

“I must warn you, hero,” I whispered, nipping at her earlobe as I stepped forward, pressing her against the door. “I fully intend to have my way with you.”

“Gods, yes,” she breathed. “Please.”

“What would your Scions think to see you like this?” I murmured into her ear as I took a small step back to give me room to trail my hand slowly down her abdomen, stopping just shy of the waistband of her smallclothes. “Begging me to do unspeakable things to you?”

She tried in vain to move her hands, still pinned by my own by her wrists above her head. I slid my hand into the waistband, her breath catching as my fingers slid between her folds. I breathed a laugh, nipping at her earlobe as I languidly swirled the wetness that had already gathered there.

“So eager,” I mused. “So hungry for the touch of an Ascian.”

“Please,” she whimpered again when I did not move my fingers any further, holding it still at the bundle of nerves.

“Please, what? What do you want, Warrior of Light?” I whispered, trailing the tip of my nose along her jawline. 

“You,” she nearly panted, bucking her hips against my hand, imploring me to move. “Touch me.”

“Are you so desperate for my touch that I've left you incoherent?” I teased with a grin, finally coming to hover my lips above hers. “How unbecoming of a hero.”

I moved then, easily slipping a finger inside her, the moisture pooling there removing any resistance. She gasped sharply, her back arching slightly off the wood of the door, her wrists pulling against my hand to be freed.

“Whatever shall I do with you?” I murmured, searching her face as her eyes fluttered shut, my hand moving slowly between her legs, palm pressed flush against her as I easily slid another finger into her. “Maybe I'll take you against the door.”

I gradually began to pick up the pace, my lips continuing to hover over hers as she gasped and whimpered with each stroke. Soon, she began to tremble against me, tightening around my fingers and I shook my head, clicking my tongue.

“You can’t mean to finish so soon, can you?” I teased, slowing down slightly, her hips gyrating desperately against my hand. 

She opened her eyes then, a sheen of sweat breaking out across her brow as I continued to slowly slide my fingers in and out of her, readjusting my hand to press my thumb gently against her clitoris, teasing the nerve with a touch that was not _quite_ enough. I continued to move in small circles and she bit on her bottom lip to stifle the sounds she was making, her back arching further off the wood as she quickly grew close to her climax once more. 

I chuckled as her body began to shake, increasing my pressure as her moans growing louder. _Just_ as she was about ready to be thrust over the edge, I stopped abruptly. 

She sagged against the door, the frustration palpable in her groan and she narrowed her eyes at me. 

“Perhaps if you ask nicely,” I mused before brushing my lips against hers, tracing them with my tongue and then pulling back once more. Her cheeks flushed a bright red and I raised a brow at her.

“Don’t stop,” she begged, moving her hips against my hand that lingered between her legs. “I was so close.”

My lips curled up into a grin and I slowly removed my hand from her smallclothes, placing it on the small of her back. In a fluid motion, I pulled her from the door and spun her around. I pressed down between her shoulder blades to bring her to bend slightly at the waist, her hands still pinned to the door.

I leaned over her, pressing my chest against her back as I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her flush against my hips, my hand flat against her abdomen. She shuddered when I pressed my obviously growing arousal against her, the layers of clothing still between us.

“Is this what you wanted that night in the Crystarium, hero?” I breathed into her ear. “To be taken while I have you pressed against the door?”

She nodded her head quickly, a sigh escaping her as she pressed herself against me. I slowly relaxed the hold on her wrists, removing my hand to allow her to brace herself against the door. My thumbs slipped into the band of her smallclothes, inching it down until she was left exposed. 

With a snap of my fingers, my remaining clothes vanished, allowing her to feel the entirety of my desire for her. A shiver tore through her at the contact, and she moved her hips back against mine with a soft sigh.

“What would you like me to do to you, Warrior of Light?” I purred into her ear, adjusting slightly to slide my arousal between her folds as one of my hands threaded into her hair, pulling her head back slightly. I pressed a wet kiss against her neck, relishing in the rapid thrumming of her heart beneath my lips.

“Inside,” she panted, moving her hips with desperation, rubbing herself against me. “Just… stop teasing me.”

I pulled my hips back then, lining myself up with her entrance before thrusting roughly into her, a groan slipping from my lips at the sensation of her warmth surrounding me. She cried out, her hands pressing firmly against the door, her nails nearly digging into the wood. 

Standing upright, I released my hold on her hair as I gripped her hips. I pulled out of her before filling her once more in one swift motion, pressing my hips firmly against her backside, her loud gasp filling the silence of the room. With a slow exhale, I trained my eyes on the middle of her back, watching as her soul fluttered with the rapid beating of her heart. 

With a shake of my head, I returned my attention to the Warrior of Light, taking in the differences in her appearance, reminding myself that she had not wanted to be treated the same, that I should not treat her as I once had in a time before time. That I could not allow myself such softness, that she was but a shell of who she once was.

She had pressed her forehead against the door, her breathing heavy and uneven. With a deep breath to strengthen my resolve, I withdrew once more, thrusting into her again and again, the sound of my skin slapping against hers echoing through the room. Her breathing turned frantic, her moans increasing in volume and desperation with each motion, pressing her hips back into mine.

But when I began to slide my hand up her back to place it atop the beacon of light that shone within her, I blinked as I furrowed my brow. 

She wasn’t- 

Regardless of how familiar this was, of how I felt when I was surrounded by her essence- 

I couldn’t let myself-

One of her hands began sliding along the door then, reaching to the side without hesitation, a clear destination in her mind. I followed its trajectory, realizing that it was heading toward the console beside the door. My eyes widened slightly, and I slowed my movements, watching as her fingers deftly, knowingly worked the device. 

A device she should have no business knowing how to use, that she should have long forgotten. Instantly, the energy of the room shifted. As the lights began to dim, I shot my hand out, gripping her wrist and removing her hand from the controls, bending slightly to press my chest flush against her back.

“I can’t,” I whispered, pressing my forehead to her shoulder. “I can’t treat you this way, not when I feel what I do.” 

She nodded slowly, exhaling a slow breath. “I know,” she whispered in response, as I released her wrist, sliding my fingers between hers, our joined hands pressed against the wall.

As I began to move my hips once more, my movements softer, slower, more tender, she moved our joined hands to place them above her heart. My eyes fluttered shut as listened to her soft whimpers, her breathy moans as I gently rocked my hips into hers.

I could feel her heartbeat thrumming beneath our hands, the hum of her soul coursing beneath our fingertips. I exhaled an unsteady breath as I began to pick up my pace, getting lost in the familiarity of her warmth, in the comfort of everything that made her who she was. Soft, keening cries began to slip from her lips and I felt her walls begin to tremble around me, her climax fast approaching.

Mine was not far behind, the closeness of our souls spurring me quickly to the edge and I began to trail kisses along her shoulder, up along the back of her neck. She tightened her grip on my hand above her heart, moving her hips back to meet each of my thrusts as she quickly moved closer to the precipice, bringing me along with her.

“That’s it. Don’t hold back,” I breathed into her ear as I panted with each thrust, groaning softly as she continued to tighten around me, her cries increasing in volume, her body beginning to tremble. “Come for me. I want to hear you.”

My words were all it took to push her over the edge and she cried out, her body shaking as she clamped down around me, my soul reaching for hers as soon as she let go of all her inhibitions, the two of them intertwining in a tight embrace as she rode out the waves of her climax. Her knees buckled as she gave into the sensory overload that overcame her and I was barely cognizant of the need to hold her up as my own release spilled forth within her mere moments after.

As we came down from the intensity of the moment, our breathing labored, our bodies slick with sweat, I pressed a soft kiss to the shell of her ear before stepping back to pull myself out of her. I slowly helped her come to a stand, watching as she checked her balance before she turned to face me.

Tears had gathered in the corners of her eyes and I slowly raised my hand to wipe them away before they spilled forth. I could only imagine the thoughts that were running through her mind, the confusion at the change in me that had transpired. Summoning another portal beside us, I wordlessly offered her my hand, not quite ready to speak.

She thankfully, mercifully, accepted it without any question and followed me through to her room in Fanow. Once we were through, I snapped my fingers, her armor and clothing appearing in a neat pile on a chair in the corner of her room. 

She made her way to her bed, pulling the sheets back before sitting on the edge of it and I pursed my lips. Unsure what to say, if there was anything I _could_ say, I began to turn to leave back through the portal from which we came.

“Wait,” she called out softly, stopping me in my tracks as I looked back at her. “You…” She licked her lips, visibly swallowing as she searched my expression. “Could you stay? Sleep with me?”

I furrowed my brow, averting my gaze. This was probably a horrible idea, I realized. To allow any further tenderness, to get this close. And yet… I could not bring myself to say no. 

“If that is what you wish,” I finally replied when I looked back at her, my heart melting at the genuine relief and happiness that flooded her eyes.

I slowly made my way to the bed, watching as she scooted in toward the wall, making room for me to lay beside her.

“I love this part,” she whispered as she curled into my side, resting her head on my chest as she splayed her hand across my abdomen. “The… restful sleep that comes after.”

“I denied you of this last time,” I mused and she shook her head, breathing a laugh.

“It’s alright. I… I don’t fully understand what made you react that way, but…” She paused to yawn, settling further against me, her eyes fluttering shut. “Knowing more about you now… it must have been… a big deal…”

I hummed with a slight nod. “Perhaps one day I’ll explain it to you.”

“You don’t have to,” she mumbled as she yawned once more. “You just… you can’t just retreat if I ask something that makes you uncomfortable. I’m sorry. For… for prying when I shouldn’t have but I have no way of knowing- I don’t know enough about-” 

She sighed, her hand on my stomach drawing into a fist. “I don’t know what your limits are, just like you don’t know mine.

“And honestly… I’m a little mad at _you_ , Emet-Selch. You told me to ask you questions, and I asked them, but you got scared-” I inhaled to interject, but she held her hand up to stop me, raising her gaze to meet mine. “Well, maybe not scared- but you ran. How do you expect to earn and maintain my trust if you leave at a drop of a hat and you aren’t around when I need you to be?”

I could not help the grin that spread across my mouth as she rambled and she furrowed her brow, pouting slightly. 

“You’re laughing at me,” she accused.

“I am not-”

“Maybe not out loud, but in your head, you’re _laughing_ at me. I can see it in your eyes!”

“No, you’re just…” I trailed off, giving her a slight shrug. “You’re right, hero. I did tell you to ask questions, and you asked one that I did not feel prepared to hear, let alone answer. But rather than admit such a thing, I did, in fact, retreat.”

“To your shadowy vigil.”

“Well, to Eulmore, more accurately. To scold an overgrown infant. I imagine this is what a parent with a spoiled child feels like. Unendingly frustrated, with an overwhelming urge to-” I sighed, shaking my head. “At any rate, I will endeavor not to _run_ anymore. Any other requests?”

“Just… let me know if I push too far.” 

I nodded against the top of her head, feeling her body relax at my agreement, her breathing evening out.

“Hero,” I whispered, worried that she had fallen asleep and unwilling to wake her if she had.

“Mm?” 

“Is this what you _really_ want of me? Someone to warm your bed?” I asked, sadness filling my chest at the prospect, that she would agree that she wanted nothing more than the physical connection between us despite the moment her and I had shared.

But why that would cause such sadness was something I had yet to understand, something I had yet to ponder.

She shook her head slowly, moving her hand that was on my abdomen to cup the side of my face as I, too, relaxed with her admission. I leaned into her touch, my own eyes sliding shut with the consolation the small gesture had afforded me. 

And when she had long drifted off to sleep, her breathing even, I found I could not keep my mind from wandering, from reflecting back on events of the day. 

I slowly opened my eyes to watch her lips part slightly as she nuzzled her face into her pillow, the faintest smile crossing my lips at the sight. But soon my gaze slid downwards to her soul, watching as it evenly pulsated with each breath, with each beat of her heart. The cracks, though stable and showing no signs of progression, was an obvious cause for concern, and yet my mind could only circle back to her actions in the room within the Amaurot recreation.

Somehow, she had come to remember… somehow, a memory locked deep within her soul had been awoken-

My eyes widened, my breath catching in my throat. 

I had _done_ this before. Intentionally. 

Years ago, before the Seventh Calamity. When Zenos had been but a young boy, still so pliable, still so easily influenced. Through steady infusions of my aether, barely discernible amounts to coat his soul, I had been able to resurface a memory which had been long lost, long buried.

The memory of the Final Days. It had occurred to the boy as a nightmare, one that plagued him often, one that had no meaning to anyone he described it to because the buildings were fantastical and not currently in existence. 

How had I not realized that the same would occur? That in these infusions of my aether I would be doing exactly the same? Would these memories remain? Would they expand within her mind to reveal more to her until she understood the deeper meaning behind them? 

I had been unable to complete my experimentation on the boy, and as he grew older he would no longer awaken crying from his fear, so I had no way of confirming if the memory took root.

A child’s mind is so much less resistant, and I had reason to suspect I had not been successful in opening more than the initial memory within him so… in an adult, in one so bolstered with defenses as the Warrior of Light…could she unlock more? It wouldn't... hurt to try, would it?

With the realization that I had the means to accomplish my task of allowing her to remember our home, to remember _us_ , I found myself filled with a mounting sense of hope that quickly melted away the tension within me. 

Wrapping my arm around her to pull her close, I found myself more comfortable than I had been in thousands upon thousands of years, ready to face the coming days with excitement I could barely contain. Her soft sigh of contentedness coaxed the corners of my lips up into a smile and I allowed myself to be lulled to sleep in her arms by the quiet sounds of her breathing.


	13. Warrior of Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Equilibration Stage Two:** Become aware of shortcomings in their existing thinking and are dissatisfied.

When I woke in the morning, Emet-Selch’s arms were still around me. I curled my body further into his, relishing the warmth of his skin. When his hold on me tightened, I cracked my eyes open and lifted my head, resting my chin onto his shoulder. I found him peering down at me, his head still lying on the pillow. 

I blinked slowly, my eyes threatening to slide shut again as we watched each other in silence for a long moment. 

“What?” I asked finally, my voice still heavy with sleep.

“You were dreaming,” he answered, one corner of his mouth tugging upwards as he beheld me. He lifted the arm from around me to brush the sleep-mussed hair back and out of my face. He paused, his fingers threaded through the strands and I tilted my head into his palm, closing my eyes, a faint smile spreading across my lips. “It just seemed...pleasant. Do you remember it at all?” 

I hummed and opened my eyes again. “No,” I responded as he finished combing his hand through my hair, letting it fall around my waist again and gently began running his fingers up and down my side. A shiver ran through me despite the warmth his body was infusing into me, his light touch tickling my skin. I lifted myself from his shoulder and stretched to meet him, bringing my face close to his as I examined the vibrant amber of his eyes. “A shame, if it was as good as you say it seemed.” 

I leaned forward until our lips met in a soft, slow kiss.

“Good morning, hero,” he said quietly as I pulled away.

“Morning,” I sighed, unable to keep the suggestive grin from my face. 

Before he could question me, I shifted under the covers, pulling myself from his arm and overtop of him, knees straddling his hips. His hands easily came to rest on my thighs, his thumbs massaging gente circles into the skin. I leaned over him, putting my hands on the mattress on either side of his head, until there were barely two ilms between our lips, the tips of our noses nearly touching. My hair fell around us in a curtain and I watched his eyes rove over my face as he lifted a brow at my forwardness. 

I hovered above him with bated breath, waiting for him to protest, to stop me from doing what I wanted to, but he didn’t. Instead, he lifted one hand to my chin, gripping it and tugging me down towards him. A quiet whimper escaped me when our lips met, his other hand reaching behind my head to pull my hair over one shoulder. Both of his hands went to the sides of my face, pulling me further into him to deepen the kiss.

As my lips moved against his with enthusiasm, I began rolling my hips against him, coaxing him to react to the building warmth between my legs. 

He hummed in approval, one hand sliding from my cheek and into my hair, cradling the back of my head as he returned my sentiments, forcing my lips open with his tongue. The other hand trailed down my neck and chest until it reached its destination, his thumb  _ barely _ brushing against the peak of my nipple as he cupped my breast. 

I suddenly ground myself against him in response, a shudder tearing through my body as the small bundle of nerves between my thighs rubbed against his growing hardness. A moan spilled out from me, muffled against his lips.

“Not too loud,” he reminded, his chuckle vibrating against me, reverberating through my whole body. “Or do you  _ want _ your friends to hear?”

I hummed in response, sliding to my elbows, my hands going beneath his head, pulling myself even closer as I continued to tease him, deliberately running the length of his hardness through my folds, stopping  _ just _ shy of my entrance. I pulled my lips from him, burying my face in the crook of his neck as my breathing started to become labored.

When he realized what was happening, he nearly growled and I breathed a laugh into his ear. I turned my head slightly and pressed a kiss to the shell. 

“Payback,” I whispered, a smirk of my own spreading across my lips. 

In lieu of a response, his hands moved to find purchase on my backside, his fingers digging into the skin. 

And when I had nearly completed another pass, he lifted his hips as he pushed down on my legs, entering me easily, fully seating himself inside of me in one swift motion. 

My back arched immediately as the smirk fell from my lips, replaced with a cry of surprise. Quickly, his hand flew to my mouth to stifle the sound and he breathed a laugh. 

“What was that, hero?” he cooed in a nearly mocking tone, an easy, smug grin appearing on his face as his hand shifted so he could stroke his thumb along the length of my cheekbone. My face flushed immediately as my wide eyes met his, the look in them hungry and playful. His smile widened at my reaction, his gaze alight with fire. 

He raised his hips, coaxing me to begin again. I lifted myself onto my elbows once more and did as I was bid, undulating myself into him, seeking out his lips once more.

After a few moments, I broke away again, reaching to grip the headboard, and grinding down against him. He lifted his hips with the motion, pushing himself deeper inside of me with a soft groan. I bit my lip to silence the cry that was quickly clawing itself up my throat.

Slowly but steadily, I moved against him, drawing out my movements, taking my time so we could both savor the feel of each other. His hands lifted from my thighs and began trailing gentle lines up and down my back as he sat up slightly, taking one of my breasts into his mouth, sucking and flicking his tongue against the hardened peak. 

My hands dropped from the headboard and I leaned over him again, pressing my forehead to his and closing my eyes, our heaving breaths mingling as I continued, my pace slowly picking up. His fingers stilled on my skin, laying his palms flat against my back and I felt it again, as I had the night before, in that room he’d taken me to- a sense of familiarity and ease. 

My entire being was enveloped in its warmth and comfort. It enhanced each and every sensation. 

I felt tears spring to my eyes again, my brow furrowing. 

I  _ knew _ this feeling. In the depths of my soul...on the outskirts of my mind...on the tip of my tongue…

What was it again? And why was I-

Before I could finish my thought, I was being flipped. My breath caught in my throat as he moved us until he was hovering above me. His arms slid under me as he gathered me in his arms, pressing his lips to mine insistently. 

“Don’t,” he whispered against my mouth, but deepened the kiss before I could respond, his hips beginning to thrust into mine with a renewed fervor. My back arched as he began hitting the  _ right _ spot over and over and I broke away from him to throw my head back against the pillow with a strangled cry that I tried my hardest to stifle.

He dragged his tongue down the length of my throat, tasting the salt of the sweat that had broken out over my body, leaving a trail of wet kisses in his wake until he reached my collarbone. He paused for a moment, lips lingering on the skin in the dip between them before burying his face in the crook of my neck, muffling his own moans as we both climbed to our ends together. 

I hooked my arms under his, hands flat against his shoulder blades, holding him flush against my chest, quickly pushing ourselves right to the brink. My legs wound around his hips, ankles hooking at the small of his back, just as he had wanted the first night we spent together, tightening them until he was as deep inside of me as he could go, both of us groaning in unison at the feeling as he continued to thrust in and out until- 

My body clenched and trembled, fingernails digging into his back. I pressed my face to his shoulder as I found my release, clamping my mouth shut in an attempt to stay quiet, heaving loud breaths through my nose. As I tightened around him, he spilled himself inside of me, his arms clamping around me as he moaned, his breath hot against my neck. 

With a loud exhale, he collapsed on top of me. I felt his chest heaving against me as he pulled himself out of me and rolled onto his side, tugging me with him. My arm wound around his waist, and I held him tightly, closing my eyes and nuzzling his nose with mine as we calmed our bodies. 

We laid in silence until our breathing evened out and I opened my eyes to examine his face, the softness in his eyes almost startling as he watched me...and yet, something I felt I’d seen before. 

How...odd.

I opened my mouth to ask a question, but I closed it again, hesitating as I thought back to our conversation from the night before. I didn’t...want to delve too far, but at the same time-

“Ask your question, hero,” he commanded, quietly. I blew a breath out of my nose.

“The room yesterday,” I started. He lifted a brow as he patiently waited for me to collect my thoughts and continue. I breathed a laugh and shook my head. “No, nevermind. I’m being ridiculous. Of course, I’ve never-” I felt him tense in my arms.

“Tell me,” he insisted. I furrowed my brow at the forcefulness of his tone, no matter how soft his voice was. 

“Well, it just seemed...familiar to me for some reason. Like I’d been-”

Before I could complete my sentence, there was a flurry of loud knocking on the door and Thancred’s voice called my name through the wood. I sat up, immediately, eyes wide.

“It’s not healthy to talk to yourself, you know,” the gunbreaker teased. 

Oh Gods, oh no-

I scrambled off the bed, nearly falling to the floor as my feet got tied up in the sheets. 

“Are you alright?” he asked, the tone of his voice bordering on concerned upon hearing the sounds of my struggle. I heard the door handle jiggle slightly, but he stopped when he realized the door was locked.

“Uh-Fine!” I shouted unsteadily as I balanced myself out. “I’m sorry, I overslept!”

The gunbreaker outside was quiet for a long moment and I whipped around, looking for my clothes. Instead, my gaze landed on the Ascian, still lying in bed, his arms folded behind his head as he watched me, amusement spreading across his features. Finally, I heard Thancred’s boots moving away on the walkway outside.

“If you don’t hurry, you’ll miss breakfast,” he said as he headed back towards the dining hall, seemingly accepting my excuse- though it wasn’t entirely untrue. When he was gone, I moved quickly to the chair where my clothes and armor had been left. 

“We-,” I started, turning to Emet-Selch as I began slipping back into my smallclothes, stopping short when I beheld the smirk on his lips. “You need to go before they, uh...”

I sighed sharply, vigorously rubbing my face with my hands with a frustrated groan before looking back up again. “I need to…”

He breathed a laugh and I heard the sheets shift as he slid out of bed. As I was pulling my cotton undershirt over my head, he snapped his fingers, his own ensemble reappearing on his body. 

“And could you…,” I started with a cringe, shrugging into my jacket. “Not use the door?”

He began chuckling as I fumbled with the buckles of my armor, my hands beginning to shake as I tried to hurry, embarrassment flooding me, stomach twisting into knots as I thought about the Scions catching us, afraid that I would somehow anger him by asking him to leave in secret and-

His newly gloved hands took hold of mine and I jumped, biting back a squeal of surprise, not realizing he had closed the distance between us. 

My head shot up to him and he released my hands, reaching for one of the fastenings I had been struggling with. I felt my face heat up as he calmly secured it for me, then moved on to the second. 

My mouth dropped open, but one side of his lips tugged upward as he examined the expression on my face- shock, likely mixed with horror, etched into it. His hand lifted to my chin, fingers gently coaxing it up as he bent at the waist, kissing me slowly before pulling away and taking a step back. 

“As you wish, my sweet hero,” he purred before disappearing in a cloud of black smoke. 

I stared at the space he had just occupied, utterly glued to the spot, still entirely frazzled. 

“Last call!” I heard someone shout from outside- one of the Viis, no doubt. I sucked in a breath and blinked, shaking my head to clear my thoughts. My mouth snapped shut and I barely slipped my boots on before I took off out the door. 

As I hurried down the suspended steps to the dining area, trying to fasten my hair up as I went, the heel of my boot caught the edge of the stair and before I could stop myself, I could feel myself tipping.

I heard the familiar hum of a portal and an arm threaded through mine, catching me mid-fall. I heard the sound of chairs scraping against wood- the Scions? I was spun around and set down onto the platform. 

The Ascian stood in front of me, fingers still wrapped around my arm as he raised a brow. The heat in my cheeks was renewed and I reached up to tuck the stray lock of hair behind my ear. 

“T-thanks,” I stammered, looking over my shoulder to the Scions as they watched in silence. His grip on my arm loosened, only for him to take my hand. He bowed at the waist, pressing his lips to my knuckles.

“Good morning, hero,” he started, loud enough for my friends to overhear. “Distractible as ever, I see.” I heard Thancred click his tongue as our interaction, but I stiffly nodded my head. I cleared my throat, sliding my hand from his and straightened my jacket.

“Good morning, Emet-Selch,” I said, trying to keep my voice even as he straightened, then motioned towards one of the tables. His grin widened when I shot him a look that the Scions could not see before taking the lead and heading to where they were sitting. 

I gingerly sat on a stool at the end of the table. 

“Gracing us with your presence today, are you, Ascian?” Thancred bit out as Emet-Selch slid into the seat across from me. “What have we done to deserve such an  _ honor _ ?” 

He slid his gaze to the gunbreaker, the expression quickly shifting to that of boredom as he snapped his fingers, plates full of food appearing in front of the both of us. I gaped at him, though his attention was still focused on the Scion.

“I seem to have garnered an appetite this morning,” he said with a lazy smile and I tensed. “You know… All that plotting and scheming and the like.” Thancred’s hands clenched into fists on the top of the table, but he said nothing further as the Ascian turned back to me.

“Eat, Warrior of Light,” he ordered me, a barely discernible bite to his words and I pursed my lips. His mood had taken a rather quick turn, I realized, at the mere thought of what the events of today entailed. “You will most certainly need all of your strength today.”

I dropped my eyes from his instantly, looking down at the plate, gripping my fork in one hand.

The Qitana Ravel. Home to dozens upon dozens of sin eaters and...in all likelihood, the Lightwarden. 

Out of habit, I laid my free hand against my chest. I hadn’t even realized that the churning and thrashing had stopped, though I was hardly surprised, as close to Emet-Selch as I had been all night. How long would it be, I wondered? How many Lightwardens could I consume before even his aether did not calm my soul?

He suspected that I would not be able to house all of them. 

And I believed him to be truthful.

My heart thumped in my chest as I thought about the prospect of my death again. 

_ Not today, _ I told myself. It will  _ not _ be today. 

I blew out a slow breath, trying to calm the nervousness that twisted in my gut, and lifted my fork. 

When we had nearly finished preparing for the journey, the Viis graciously filling our packs with food and other various supplies, Y’shtola approached me, a thoughtful expression on her face. 

“How are you feeling?” I asked before she could discuss what was on her mind. “Are you...sure you’re up to this?” She huffed a laugh, smile spreading across her lips.

“Of course, my friend,” she retorted. “I am well, my strength returned after a good nights’ rest. I would not miss this endeavor for the world.” I nodded and a silence stretched between us for a long moment as she attempted to choose her next words carefully. “I can’t help but notice,” she continued, eyes sliding from my face to my chest. “That the Darkness has returned.”

I hummed and nodded, lifting my bag onto my shoulder, gaze wandering to the Ascian, watching us with crossed arms, mild boredom in his expression, as if we were taking an  _ eternity _ to get going. 

“It seemed only right to thank him for what he did,” I confessed, a small smile creeping across my lips. When I turned back to her, the miqo’te was rapping her knuckles against her chin as she considered my words. “I imagine being so close to me…can be stifling.”

“Yes, I do not fault you for expressing gratitude on my behalf,” she stated as she tilted her head, a sly, conspiratorial smile spreading across her lips and I looked back at her, playfulness sparking in her unseeing eyes. “But when I thank my acquaintances for their good deeds, I do not endeavor to do so  _ in my bedroom _ .”

My smile dropped, my face flushing slightly. “I-I-” Y’shtola chuckled at my reaction, placing her hand gently on my arm as I stuttered.

“You do not need to explain yourself to me,” she laughed. “I do not know what is going on between the two of you and I do not wish to be privy to that information. But after recent events, I do not think he means to harm you and am willing to give him a chance. Thancred, on the other hand, is not so easily convinced, as you well know.” She sighed, placing her hands on her hips.

“That being said,” she began again, sternly. “Should my suspicions about him change, I will  _ not  _ stay my hand. No matter the secrets that were, I admit, wrongly kept from you, your wellbeing has always been my priority.”

My brows shot up at her admission, genuine surprise crossing my face and she scoffed.

“Surely after all we have been through together, it cannot be  _ that _ shocking,” she said with a shake of her head. She turned her head to survey Emet-Selch. “I trust you. Just...be careful.”

A corner of my mouth tugged upward and I nodded, playfully shoving her arm with my shoulder. 

“I’m glad you’re back,” I sighed. She looked toward the ground, knocking the toe of her boot against the wooden platform we were standing on.

“As am I, my friend. As am I.”

When we finally departed from Fanow, the Ascian did not deign to join us. He opted, instead, to watch from his shadowy vigil as we traveled and fought our way through the Ravel, making sure to mark and remember things of interest along the way- especially the cavern full of paintings we tried desperately to preserve as we battled a giant bat that nearly brought down the ceiling.

It took most of the day to clear the way, but when we made it to the Falls, the sin eaters began coming out in droves.

We were getting close, I realized. The monsters threw themselves at our party, trying to protect their master. 

And Eros himself- a massive beast with three heads. The fight was taxing, but we perservered. 

When he was dead on the ground, as with the other Wardens I had battled, he disintegrated into a large ball of Light that quickly found its way to me, as if attracted to the aether I had already absorbed. 

As it forced its way inside of my body, I cringed, clenching my jaw as I swallowed a pained cry and nearly stumbled backwards, hand flying to my chest as if I could stop it. 

The remaining Darkness Emet-Selch had left inside of me fizzled out as if it were a fire doused with water and I could feel it now, the opening in my soul stretching further with the addition. The wrongness, the agony laid bare with nothing to negate it.  _ Gods _ , I thought.  _ Please hold. _

When the Light finally subsided, I groaned in relief, chest heaving as the pain slowly began to dissipate, though the trashing did not disappear entirely. I felt a gentle hand on my back, and turned my head to find Y’shtola standing at my side. She exchanged a glance with Urianger, her lips turned down in a deep frown. 

As bright sky above us darkened, opening to a sea of stars, my breathing began to even out. 

“You did well,” she assured me, gently rubbing my shoulder, though the tone of her voice was strained as she refused to meet my eyes, occupying herself with making sure I was still hale and whole. “Let us return to camp.” I nodded slowly and began following her and the others back through the Ravel. 

We had planned on resting for the night and coming back another day to explore the caves, but as we passed the chamber with the paintings once more, the miqo’te paused, her brow furrowing. 

“What is it?” Minfilia asked, coming to a stop beside her. Y’shtola hummed.

“Most paints are made from mineral-based pigments. But these...these are older than  _ anything _ I have ever seen. I would wager that they even pre-date the empire.” She tilted her head as her eyes roved over the murals. “Almet said that this sanctuary was built to preserve the wisdom of the ancients but I cannot fathom what these depictions commemorate.”

Just then, a cloud of dark aether appeared ahead of us. As if he had been summoned, Emet-Selch stepped out of his portal, taking slow steps toward us. “I see you have managed to vanquish yet another Lightwarden. Bravo,” he started. His gaze landed on me a moment later, examining me carefully. “And how is the hero of the hour?”

“As if you weren’t watching the entire time,” I retorted with a scoff, my tone light, imploring him to play with me. I crossed my arms over my chest, unable to keep the triumphant smile off of my face.

“Hm,” he said, looking unconvinced. I raised a brow. “Still fighting fit, I see.” The grin fell from my face, his tone of voice taking me aback. Mocking and sarcastic. 

What had he seen in me to make him act in such a way, even in front of my friends? 

Was I...doing worse than I felt?

“You’re plotting something,” Thancred accused. The Ascian shrugged one shoulder, the smirk that his mask granted him crossing his features. 

“Every hour of every day, my dear Scion. But I have given my word to not intervene, and so I will continue to do so.” I watched as his gaze shifted, looking out the corner of his eye at the paintings, his mouth slowly drooping downward once more. He began to turn back to the entrance. “Well, my friends, I would quit this place and I suggest you do the same. It looks as though the ceiling could collapse at any moment.” 

“Do you-,” Minfilia started, taking a step forward. I realized she had observed the same thing I had. He paused, looking over his shoulder at her. “You know what these paintings are, don’t you?” He was quiet for a long moment, and I thought maybe I saw his shoulders slump even more. Finally, he sighed.

“That I do,” he admitted, sadly. “Tis a sight to bring a tear to the eye.” He looked down to the ground for a moment before turning to face us once more. “Indeed, there was a time when anyone and everyone would recognize them.”

He looked up, observing them in full, eyes examining each mural carefully. “Until, that is, one calamitous day when the world was divided across ten and three reflections, sundering the land and all who dwelled upon it, as I’m sure your Exarch friend has already explained.

“And the worst part?” he continued, gaze stopping on the depiction of two figures, one purple and the other white, floating next to each other, a red burst of paint in the background. “No one could remember it, save for a few fragments and fleeting memories of an achingly familiar world.”

I stilled at his words. Fleeting memories of a familiar- 

The room he had taken me to the night before flashed in my mind and my breath caught. 

The  _ room _ . 

The curtains snapping shut, as if he did not want me to see outside. 

The  _ light switch _ . How had I known how to…? 

Just  _ where _ had he taken me?

“A vision shared of a paradise lost, preserved only in song and scripture and paint...such as this. Left here so that we may look upon them, learn from them...and  _ remember. _ ”

“Would you share with us the stories you know so well?” Y’shtola implored. “We are listening.”

Emet-Selch looked at us each in turn, lifting a hand to his mouth in thought- as if he was judging us, deciding whether or not we were worth his time. After a long moment, he pointed towards the painting of a city, alight with flame. My brow furrowed. I recognized this.

A memory flashed in my mind, the first night we had spent together. The Echo, it had…

Two masked, robed figures, holding onto each other as if their life depended on it. A city burning behind them...

“Before the Great Sundering, there was but one world. This world knew naught but peace and prosperity,” he began. “Until it was faced with a terrifying, unprecedented crisis. Its civilizations found themselves perched upon a precipice, staring into a dark oblivion.” The Ascian turned again, facing a depiction of a purple, haloed figure, surrounded by what I could only guess were the people of the world he was describing.

“Through prayer and sacrifice, the will of the star was made manifest. Zodiark was His name, and by His grace was the calamity averted.” There were gasps all around me as the Scions shifted in surprise. I could feel my heart rate pick up. 

Through prayer and sacrifice. But, that would mean-

“ _ That’s _ Zodiark?” I asked, disbelief in my voice. I exchanged a look with Y’shtola, understanding crossing her features as she too realized the implications of his statement. Disappointment filled Emet-Selch’s face as he beheld me, something about my question making him struggle to keep his uncaring mask in place.

“Yes,” he answered, slowly, drawing out the word with a slight nod. “Our savior made manifest, mighty and magnificent, deserving of the reverence and gratitude from the entire star. Yet some did not agree.

“From the fears of these naysayers would rise Hydaelyn- She who was to bind Him in shackles and hold Him in check.” His attention turned to yet another painting- Hydaeyln, I assumed, trouncing Zodiark in a burst of light. I swallowed hard. “They fought, and they fought, and they fought. In the end, after a long and gruesome battle, She emerged victorious, dealing a blow so devastating that it split the very fabric of reality.” He dropped his hand to his side once more.

“And thus was Zodiark banished and, along with the star, His being divided.” He paused, taking in our expressions. 

“Well, that concludes today’s lesson on long-forgotten history,” he said, his voice turned cold and bitter. “Though, I imagine your  _ precious _ Mother would offer a rather contradictory account, as is her wont.”

I clenched my jaw, struggling to keep the water from rising to my eyes.

Was this...his story? He had all but confirmed to me that he had been alive before the calamities. 

Was this the very first calamity?

But...Zodiark... _ and _ Hydaelyn...manifestations of sacrifice, worship and...fear…

It...it couldn’t be.

The very thing I was on a quest to banish-

“I’m sorry,” Thancred began with a furrowed brow, voice full of disbelief. “I can only assume I misheard, but it sounded an awful lot like you were implying that both Zodiark and Hydaelyn are not gods, but…”

“What?” the Ascian asked with a shrug, the smirk easily sliding back into place. “Not gods of the First? Is that what you assumed these paintings depicted? Or…?” His voice deepened with the realization, amusement entering his voice. “Oh...I see.” He huffed a laugh, grin widening. 

“They are gods after a fashion, yes, but no different from the kind with which you all are so... _ intimately _ acquainted. Formed of faith, of prayer, conviction, and devotion…”

“ _ Primals _ ,” I breathed, my eyes darkening at the prospect. I searched the floor of the cave, my breathing becoming shallow, my mind spinning in circles. 

“Yes,” he confirmed. “The eldest and most powerful of them all.”

At my distress, I felt the Light writhe within me, jerking about my chest wildly. I raised my hand, quickly, clutching at my shirt, the tears rising unbidden, stinging my eyes. 

“You have spun quite a tale,” Y’shtola said after long moments of silence, all of us trying to process his words. “But I have not failed to notice that you have not yet explained  _ your _ role in all of this. How is it you are privy to ancient secrets lost to time?” 

“Finally,” he began again with a dark chuckle. “ _ Finally _ , you ask the right question. And shrewd questions warrant honest answers…” He looked to me, then. My eyes narrowed at him. He  _ knew _ I had figured it out. 

“He knows,” I rasped, averting my gaze to the side and closing my eyes. “Because he was there.”

“Mm,” he hummed with a nod. “We Ascians were the ones to summon Zodiark- the natives of that sundered paradise.” He turned again, putting his back to us. 

“Do you see now, friends, why we yearn for the Great Rejoining?” He sighed. “For our world and our people...for all creation to be made whole again?” His head turned, slightly, looking over his shoulder at us. “Wouldn’t you wish for the same?”

Without another word, Emet-Selch began walking away from us before disappearing in a cloud of purple smoke. 

I opened my mouth to call after him, to- I didn’t...know what I would even say. 

“We  _ cannot _ take his word for truth,” Thancred urged, a hint of panic in his voice as his eyes landed on me. “We can’t. Because that would mean...”

But I  _ knew _ they were true, no matter what the Scions said.

I felt something in my chest crack open. My soul? Or-

I suddenly was filled with a sadness that I could not explain. Something I-I felt in the depths of my being, something familiar  _ just _ out of the reach of my fingers, on the very edges of my mind...but I could not recall... 

My fingers fisted in my jacket as I imagined the pain he was feeling, the loneliness, the despair-

Y’shtola was at my side in a moment, concern etched into her expression, her hand gently gripping my arm. She turned back to the gunbreaker.

“Enough,” she ordered, forcefully. “We will discuss the Ascian’s story later when  _ all _ of us are present. For now, let us return to Fanow for some  _ much  _ needed rest.”

With a nod from me, she helped me straighten, though the pain did not subside. Minfilia came up to my other side and together, they aided me in our walk back to camp.


	14. Emet-Selch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any typos, I'm with my family for stuff and didn't have time to really comb through it in great detail. I'll fix any as I spot them on my flight home next Monday.

From the moment I entered the Rak’tika Greatwood, I suspected that the Lightwarden housed within the Qitana Ravel would have too much aether, too much Light for the Warrior of Light to contain without any lasting residual consequences.

As I continued to observe her, as I continued to spend time watching the aether churn, thrashing against her soul as it tried to seek entrance, I had hoped I would be wrong with my initial assessment of her resilience.

Hoped without logic that she would not be hurt any further. That somehow, she would find a way to overcome, that her faith in herself was well-founded.

When did my mind shift, I wonder? To care so thoroughly? To worry so profoundly for the hero who had been naught but a thorn in our sides? For the champion of everything we opposed?

Perhaps there was no singular moment. Perhaps it was a culmination of the events that led me here. Perhaps I was latching on to the things I saw in her that reminded me of how she once was, attributing them to be remnants of her true self when they could be naught but coincidences.

As I watched her slowly eat her breakfast, her conversation centered around preparations to be made for the journey ahead to hunt the Warden, I found my mind drifting back to recent events just as it had the previous night.

Small things she had done during our intimacy that _could_ have simply been a coincidence. Our hands atop her heart, how she seemed to recall _something_ that had overwhelmed her with emotion even when we awoke.

How she had remembered the device within the recreation of Amaurot. She seemed to want to tell me the room was familiar to her before the interruption, all but confirming that she remembered _more_ than I had initially thought. Which made sense, given the sheer _volume_ of the aether I had shared with her, the connection between our souls I had given her on more than one occasion.

What else did she remember, that she did not realize was a memory from before the Sundering? 

What else _could_ she remember, with time, with the proper nurturing of her memories? Zenos had not had the Echo as a means to experience the past, but could I use hers? Give her memories of my own to spark those within her?

Was I ready to share so much with her, without knowing for certain how they would be received?

Though she had not given me a reason to believe she would be anything but receptive to the truth I could give her, the impact it would have on her, the strain it could place on her relationships with her compeers could lead her to doubt my words, to question my sincerity.

They had done it before, after all. Simply being in their presence had her resisting the pull between our souls that was rekindled with our first night together at the Crystarium.

“Will you be coming with us?” 

I blinked, torn out of my thoughts by her voice and I cleared my throat. 

“I…” I was caught off guard by the sincerity in her eyes, how she leaned toward me when she asked. “I think not, hero. I’d rather...” I furrowed my brow as I trailed off, unsure if the words I intended to say would have been true ones. Did I prefer simply to observe her from a distance or-

“Watch from the shadows,” she said with a nod, a small knowing smile on her lips. “I know. See you on the other side, then.”

She stood then without another word, though I thought I saw her smile falter as she turned away from me to head toward the Scions, the chair scraping against the floor. 

When the time came for her to absorb the Lightwarden, I admittedly watched with bated breath. Watched as she dealt the killing blow, as it faded into orbs of pure aetheric Light before careening straight toward her, in pursuit of the reservoir of the rest that was housed within her.

And when it finally entered her, fusing and mixing with the abundant brightness that already was present, it made quick work of whatever residual Darkness of mine had been left behind, brushing it from her as if it were naught more than leaves on the wind.

With the Darkness gone, the Light thrashed against her soul, lapping against it as it sought entrance, only to stretch the bounds of her being to its limit once more. I watched, eyes narrowed, breath held and then-

 _Crack._ My stomach lurched as the distinct noise of a soul beginning to shatter filled my ears. Akin to the sound of glass as it struggled against immense pressure, such a sound resonated within all the souls of those who could hear it. I took a step forward from where I was watching between dimensions, reaching for her as she adjusted to the mounting strain within her. My other hand came to rest upon my own chest as the sound of the damage to her soul vibrated within my own from my proximity to her, even through the separation.

There, along the middle. Just at the surface. Barely noticeable, but unmistakable. Another fracture had taken form. 

Could she feel it? Could she tell?

I watched as she tried to swallow the pain, her jaw clenching with fierce determination as she stumbled backward. And then, mere moments later, she stood, exhaling a slow breath as if nothing had happened. 

“A brave face for those around her who care little and know nothing of the reality of her circumstances.”

Elidibus stood two paces behind me, a solemn expression on his face as he watched the same scene play out. In my intense focus on her soul, I had not even noticed his arrival. He sighed through his nose as I turned back to watch the scene play out as she and her friends paused to admire the sky. 

“She truly must be quite similar,” he continued and I peered over my shoulder at him again. “To have enraptured you so thoroughly.”

I breathed a laugh, shaking my head. “Were you not the one who told me she is not the same she once was?”

“She is not,” he replied simply. “Unless you consider her Sundered soul to be of equal value to the original.”

I shrugged my shoulders and he chuckled darkly in response.

“You always were far too sentimental, Emet-Selch.”

“Been watching, have you?” I looked to the hero again, watching as she turned to her friends, giving them a small nod to signify she was ready to begin their return from the Qitana Ravel.

“No. Not that I need to watch to see the traces of her she leaves behind in her ignorance, but I do monitor the balance between your souls occasionally. Quite a nostalgic sight, to see two so closely entwined.”

Silence passed between us before I sighed, looking over my shoulder at him once more. There was an underlying accusation to his words. A warning, a reminder. 

“I have not forgotten what must be done,” I said. “I simply wish to see if perhaps I could salvage her soul in the process.”

“I am aware of your plan and I mean to hold true to my words. I will not interfere.”

When I emerged from my portal within the caves they were traversing, I did not anticipate encountering murals depicting the events from an age that had long since been forgotten. Though I should not have been surprised that someone among the Warrior of Light’s companions would have noticed, with how closely they watched me out of blatant distrust. 

Try as I might to hide my reaction to such paintings, I found myself having to decide if I _should_ explain to them the meaning behind them. Would they listen? Would they believe?

Likely not all of them, but even if she was the only one to trust my words, to learn more of what _used to_ be…

And yet, when I realized the extent of all that she did not know, did not recognize, an immense disappointment flooded me. Sorrow that she perhaps would never be able to truly remember surged until it was nearly too much to stomach. 

Perhaps there was some truth to Elidibus' insistence that they are all unworthy, less than even the most insignificant creatures upon our star prior to the Sundering. 

It took everything in me to even remain there long enough to confirm that which I had implied- that Zodiark and Hydaelyn _were_ , in fact, primals. That we Ascians sought the Great Rejoining for reasons more complex than they even attempted to understand.

When they finally returned to Fanow, the hyur helped the Warrior of Light climb the stairs toward her room. She looked exhausted, uncomfortable, and there was a certain sadness to her eyes when they met mine as she passed. I reached a hand out to grab hers, the hyur clicking his tongue at the contact, but she turned toward me with a question in her expression. Within moments, I watched as the Darkness I infused through our joined hands slowly coated her aether, the pallor of her face fading as it did. With a sigh and a small nod in my direction, she continued to retire for the night.

I attempted to make myself comfortable on one of the cots in the makeshift infirmary that they had used when the Night’s Blessed was recovering from the poison, listening to the hushed conversation between the Scions.

Upon the realization that I would not be leaving, the gunbreaker quickly excused himself for the evening, but not before shooting a glare in my direction, a scowl on his face as he practically commanded the young Oracle to retire to her room as well. She frowned, standing slowly before doing as she was bid.

Finally, Y’shtola looked over at me, staring intently enough at me that I could feel her gaze. I sighed, lifting my head slightly, my eyes locking with her unseeing ones and I raised a brow.

“You shorten your life significantly,” I said with a sigh. “Using your aether as you do. Though I am sure you’re aware.”

“Quite aware, yes,” she replied. “But one must make do with one’s circumstances.”

“Hmm,” I hummed. “Perhaps. Though if my life was as ephemeral as yours I may hesitate to throw the limited time I had away.”

She regarded me carefully before blowing out a slow breath. “And what of the Warrior of Light? Do you feel she’s _throwing_ her time away?”

I tensed, lowering my head to stare up at the returned darkness of the night sky. 

“I do, more dramatically than you, and for a fool’s errand,” I replied softly, a hint of sadness in my voice that I hoped neither she or Urianger would notice. “A pity, truly.”

“Urianger and I have both noted the calming of the aether within her when yours mixes with it,” she said, the two of them coming to sit on the chairs beside the cot. “I know you previously explained that it’s because Darkness and Light counteract each other but…”

“We were wondering why she interests thee so profoundly,” her friend finished when she trailed off. “That thou wouldst offer thy help to comfort her in the first place is… unexpected.”

“Keep your friends close, and enemies closer,” I muttered in response, thinking back to our conversation in Eulmore, when everything was less complicated, when there were no confounding factors to my rationality, to keep me from holding her at arms’ length.

They fell silent, exchanging a glance before the miqo’te crossed her arms across her chest.

“You’re keeping her much closer than that saying suggests,” she finally said, though there was no accusation to her voice. Merely an observation. “And you watch her very closely. Urianger has said he noticed genuine concern when you regard her.”

“How frustrating,” I muttered. “That I would be so revealing without intending to be. I shall have to keep myself in check going forward, if you mean to observe me so closely.”

“You do not deny it then? That you are concerned for her?”

I sighed, sliding my eyes toward the Warrior of Light in her room, watching as her soul fluttered with her dream, as she slept. I found I could not stop myself from wonder what she was dreaming of. Was it pleasant? Did she have that same soft smile on her face, as her lids danced beneath her lids?

“No, I do not deny it,” I finally replied. “Nor will I explain it.”

Urianger nodded slightly in the periphery of my vision. “We understand, of course. But we wondered if we could ask thee questions pertaining to her condition. We can but observe her aether, but I suspect thy insight courses much deeper than that.”

“You suspect, do you?” I slowly tore my gaze from the hero, a frown forming on my lips at the sight of the Light lashing against her soul even as she rested. “And whatever gave you that idea?”

“When Y’shtola was extracted from the Lifestream,” he started, bringing his hand to his chin. “Thou didst mention the _color_ of her soul.”

I sighed, draping an arm across my eyes, giving a slow nod. “Indeed, I did. Each of you is possessed of a unique soul, with a unique color.”

“Then that which we have discerned is true, that thine eyes are capable of seeing more than even Y’shtola’s.”

“Yes, though I suspect you both were likely able to do so yourself, _before_ the Sundering,” I murmured. “Another gift taken by your Mother, it would seem.”

“Her soul then,” Y’shtola implored, leaning forward in her seat. “How is it? Could you share what you’ve observed in-”

“Her soul,” I interjected coldly. “Will not hold. It will shatter, and she will perish.”

They both fell silent. 

“Not that this would deter her from this path that you have set her on,” I muttered, under my breath, though I knew they had heard. “Some things never change.”

“Is… is she in pain?” Urianger asked, his tone sad as he spoke barely above a whisper. “Pain that she hides from us?”

“That, I cannot be sure of,” I replied after a moment of careful consideration. “She does not seem to be exhibiting signs of significant discomfort aside from that which results from the stretch and volatile churning that comes from the sheer volume of aether she is attempting to contain within her.”

He hummed as he considered this information. “Is the damage extensive?”

I frowned, anger beginning to build within me at the ignorance of such a question. How little they knew, how they did not understand the severity of what they have asked of her.

“We’ve upset you,” Y’shtola remarked as she inspected me slowly. “With this question. Your aether is churning more aggressively than it was previously.”

I removed my arm from where it was draped across my eyes, my eyes narrowing in on her. “Because you do not _understand_ what you do, and yet you do it without hesitance.”

She blinked at the harshness of my tone, sitting back with widened eyes. “I-”

“You throw caution to the wind, you only consider what you believe to be the _greater good_ , but give no thought to the _cost_ of that which you do. And you’re not even the one to do it. You ask someone _else_.”

“I would if I could-”

“But you _should not_ ,” I implored, sitting up quickly. The abruptness of my movement sparking fleeting surprise in their faces. “You do not _know_ the effects of what you do.”

Urianger crossed his arms over his chest, a frown on his face. “So the damage is worse than-”

“There should _be_ no damage!” I nearly shouted as I interrupted, my aether beginning to swirl around me slightly with the building fury. “ _Any_ damage is extensive, because there should _never have been_ any! Of all people, of all souls-”

With a deep breath, the aether around me dissipated and I looked over at the hero’s room once more, slumping as I beheld the cracks in her. “You do not know what you have done,” I said softly, shaking my head. 

“But perhaps if we gave her time… if we let her rest before we moved onto the next Warden,” Y’shtola offered with no shortage of hopefulness in her voice and I breathed a chuckle with the shrug of my shoulders.

“Do you make it a habit to throw your friend into harm’s way knowing next to nothing about what she’s getting herself into?” I asked bitterly, as I watched the Warrior of Light tossing and turning in her bed, her soul erratic with her accelerated heart rate. Immediately, the nature of her dream was made clear to me and my heart clenched. “You did not pause to consider, and now your friend lays there with possibly irreparable injury to her very being.”

“If… if we could find a way to prevent her death-” 

“No, you misunderstood,” I interjected, coming to pinch the bridge of my nose. “I said she will _perish_.”

When I lowered my hand, I found them looking at me with dread in their eyes, but they waited expectantly for an explanation, for clarification. For me to refute what they had undoubtedly realized. I sighed, rolling my eyes. “With death, there is rebirth. She will not be afforded such a luxury. Her soul will cease to be.”

Y’shtola opened her mouth to speak, raising her hand slightly before she faltered. Her brow furrowed and she looked down at her lap. She understood my words, it would seem, perhaps even suspected it herself. But to have confirmation was another matter entirely.

“Now, if I might suggest changing the subject,” I said as I shifted to stand, noticing movement from within the Warrior of Light’s chambers. “Our beloved hero has awoken, it seems.” 

I narrowed my eyes at her form, noticing the dwindling Darkness coating her soul. I hadn’t infused any less than usual, and yet… 

Her door was wrenched open, slamming against the wall as she peered out, her hair a mess, clothing soaked in sweat. She looked around frantically with wide eyes, her hand pressed against her chest before she practically clawed at the cloth of her shirt. I frowned as I beheld her, before looking at the two Scions seated beside me from the corner of my eye, both of whom were looking at her as if they would never see her again, as if she would vanish before their eyes at any moment.

“And do try to wipe that pathetic expression from your faces,” I muttered with a sigh. “You’ll only make her feel worse.”

When the Warrior of Light’s eyes finally landed upon us, she immediately seemed to relax, a small smile forcing its way to the surface. She unsteadily made her way toward us, her other hand moving to brush the wayward strands of her hair out of her face and wipe the sweat from her brow in one swipe. She slowly descended the stairs and came to stop at the foot of the cot I was previously sitting on.

“Are you alright, my friend?” Y’shtola asked quietly as she stood, taking a step toward her.

The Warrior of Light pursed her lips. “I…” She paused, wrapping her arms around herself as she looked down at the ground, giving a small shrug in response.

“A nightmare,” I said knowingly, because there was no other way to explain the racing of her heart, her tossing and turning in her bed mere moments prior. She raised her gaze to meet mine, nodding slightly as I hummed, snapping my fingers. A glass of water appeared in my hand and I gestured for her to take a seat upon the cot I was previously resting on. 

She hesitated for a moment before moving to take a seat, raising her hands to pull her hair out of band she used to hold it up. I watched as her hair, tangled into knots from her fitful sleep, cascaded down her shoulders before she reached for the glass I held out to her. She whispered her gratitude, raising it to her lips before draining it in a handful of gulps and handing the empty glass back to me.

Y’shtola frowned then, moving to stand behind her friend. She gently took the hero’s hair between her fingers before holding her hand open over the Warrior’s shoulder to wordlessly request the band from her. With the slightest of blushes, she obliged, handing the miqo’te the small elastic and leaning back as Y’shtola went to work brushing the tangles out.

I immediately realized she had chosen such positioning because she found herself unable to mask the immense sorrow that had flooded her expression, and she likely would not be able to speak when the Warrior inevitably noticed and would undoubtedly inquire.

“Do you wish to discuss it?” Urianger prodded gently, leaning in toward her to put his hand on her knee. “Perhaps that will help to ease thy mind.”

The hero placed her hand atop her heart once more, her hand coming to fist the material of her shirt again. Her lower lip trembled and she blinked rapidly to hold back tears, shaking her head quickly as she looked down at her lap. 

“It’s alright,” I whispered, taking a seat beside her. “Are you in pain, hero?”

She shook her head once more, slowly this time. “No, it’s just… uncomfortable,” she admitted, her voice unsteady. 

“Would it help if he… if Emet-Selch were to infuse some of his Darkness?” Y’shtola asked then, her voice barely above a whisper as she finished brushing through the hero’s locks and began to fashion it once more in the same style she favored.

The hero tensed at the suggestion, looking up suddenly as she sat upright once more. Urianger gave her a slight encouraging nod. “None of us wishes pain upon thee,” he said. “If it helps with thy discomfort, do not hesitate.”

She exhaled sharply then, looking over at me with an unabashed plea in her eyes. “Could… could you?” she asked softly, lifting her hand to offer it to me. 

I frowned at the desperation in her voice as I brushed her hand aside. Her expression instantly fell and she looked down at her lap, the hand gripping her shirt tightening its hold on the fabric. I leaned in closer to her then, placing my hand atop hers and giving it a gentle squeeze to prompt her to relax her hold. 

She slowly released the cloth, allowing me to wrap my fingers around her hand and slowly lower it onto her lap. When she looked up at me once more, I offered her a small smile, raising my hand slowly to place it upon her chest. 

“It will help faster this way,” I said quietly by way of explanation as I steadily began spreading some of my aether over her. It took longer than it previously had to quell the unrest that churned within her, but soon enough the Light gave way to the Darkness. 

How long until she realized that these very infusions she sought were the ones unlocking her past? How long could I hide the side effect from her? She was intuitive, intelligent… surely, soon she would come to understand the correlation. Perhaps, it would be best to inform her? To keep her trust to be allowed to continue with her permission?

“Why does this aether not add to the strain?” she asked softly as she visibly relaxed, exhaling a slow breath. 

“Because he is not adding the aether to you so much as casting it upon you,” Y’shtola explained, her eyes having carefully watched the process. “Like a healing spell.”

“Which is why it fades with time, yes,” I confirmed. “Though it does _technically_ enter you, but only upon the surface. To serve to distract the Light from trying to force its way in, since it will instead work to snuff out the Darkness.”

She nodded slowly, bringing her hand to her chin. “Could I… do the same? Use the Light to counter the Darkness?”

I winced at the prospect. “Theoretically, yes. Though I would have to implore you to keep that vile Light to yourself, if at all possible.”

Her face immediately broke into a wide grin as she took in my visible disgust and discomfort. “Alright, alright. No Light infusions for you,” she teased before suddenly her expression faltered and she furrowed her brow as she seemed to remember something.

“The city… from the murals…”

“What of it?” Urianger asked.

“My nightmare,” she said softly, and I could not stop my body from tensing. “It was the city from the murals. Fire and ash, and-and people screaming, everyone running. The ground splitting open.” She paused to gesture how the ground was ripped asunder with her hands, how it seemed to fray akin to fabric being ripped at the seams. She let them fall limp onto her lap. “I was… looking for someone.”

“Perhaps you thought of the murals before you fell asleep,” Y’shtola offered. “Coupled with Emet-Selch’s story, I can see why such a thing would fill your dreams.”

“No,” she murmured, shaking her head. “It was too real, I could feel the heat of the flames, hear my breathing as I ran through the square. It was as if I was _there_.”

 _Because you were_ , I wanted to say, but I restrained myself. 

“Do you remember who you were looking for?” the miqo’te asked then. “If it was one of us, then it was likely just a result of the events of today.”

The hero hummed, closing her eyes as she considered the question. After a moment, she shook her head. “I was screaming a name, but I can’t remember it. There was a battle raging overhead and I kept looking up, looking for the person in the sky as if-”

She faltered, looking down at her hands. “I felt like I failed them, that I should be there alongside them but I wasn’t. But _gods_ , the screaming.” Her face crumpled, her lower lip quivering as she raised her hands up to bury her face in her palms, slumped over with her elbows on her knees. “Those people… What happened to all those people?”

“Sometimes, a dream is just a dream,” Urianger remarked quietly, though it was clear he did not believe the words himself. “Perhaps one day, the explanation will come to light, but for now, it may best not to think on it.”

I averted my gaze, realizing that the dream was, in fact, a memory of the Final Days. Of the battle between Hydaelyn and Zodiark, that she remembered looking _up_ because that was where the battle had taken place. High above the clouds, though she had mercifully not been present when the actual fighting between the two sides broke out.

The prospect of remembering her standing across from me on that day, fighting for the other side would have been too much to bear, so her absence that fateful day was a blessing.

I knew it was only a matter of time before she came to remember the Final Days, before the memories of those days leading to the Sundering were returned to her, but...

I could vaguely make out the conversation as it continued around me, hearing as the Warrior of Light requested a sheet of paper as I considered the logistics of such a development. If I continued this course, if her Blessing would interfere, if it would likely cause more harm than good. 

I frowned, exhaling slowly. It would require another discussion with Elidibus, to decide if it would even _help_ her circumstances outside of allowing her to remember more of her past life.

Urianger reached into his satchel then, pulling out a small notebook. The sound of paper tearing broke me from my thoughts and I watched as he removed a blank page before handing it to the Warrior of Light.

“Mine apologies,” he muttered as he looked up from the contents of the pouch, having rummaged through it. “I appear to have… misplaced my quill. Perhaps one of the Viis have one that-”

I sighed, snapping my fingers to create one, a well of ink and a quill appearing on the empty chair that Y’shtola previously had occupied. 

“Enchanted with aether,” I muttered, nodding my head at Y’shtola. “So that she may see whatever it is you scrawl upon the page as well.” The hero quickly picked the quill up, dipping it into the ink and setting to work, the tip scratching against the page as she frantically tried to recreate something upon its surface.

When she finally leaned back, she lifted the page, turning it to face Urianger who furrowed his brow as he carefully examined it. “I’m afraid I have never seen anything quite like this in any history books, my friend.”

The Warrior of Light sighed, turning it slightly to show Y’shtola, who hummed as she examined it before shaking her head. “I can’t say I recognize it either, not in any spellbooks as a rune nor in any annals of history I can recall.”

The light of the nearby lamp illuminated the page, allowing me to catch a hint of what was upon the page through it and my breath caught. 

It couldn’t be-

Before I could stop myself, I reached for the page, snatching it roughly from her hand and turning it over to examine it. Upon the paper was a crude drawing of one of the twisting spires atop many of the buildings in Amaurot. My eyes widened, recognizing the drawing immediately.

“Where… did you see this?”

“In my nightmare, collapsed on the ground. It-it belonged to a building but-” 

“No. _Where_ did you see _this_?” I repeated urgently, my hand shaking as it clenched the paper and I looked up at her. I pointed my finger at a small figure beside the spire.

“In- in my dream the other night,” she stammered. “It was in a notebook. Someone was showing it to me, and I-I’ve only just remembered it. Do you recognize it? I have no idea what it means and if you know-”

I held my hand up, and she stopped mid-sentence, her eyes widening as I stared intently at her for a moment. The other night, the pleasant dream that she could not remember… and now the nightmare of the Final Days. The drawing of the spire itself was of no consequence since she had dreamt of the city, but beside it, she had included a small Amaurotine. An addition to the page she herself had added once upon a time. ‘For scale’, she had said. I had been furious at the time but...

Save for an Ascension, I had never seen memories return so vividly, so frequently and quickly, but she had not been Ascended. This was entirely from the infusion of the aether. And yet, with Zenos the only memory to be uncovered was the singular nightmare. 

So what was different?

The obvious answer would be the connection between our souls during our intimacy. Also of note was the sheer volume of aether; where I had barely shared any with Zenos each time to avoid detection, I infused a plethora to the Warrior of Light on numerous occasions. Could… the proximity of a soul that remembers be accelerating the progress? Is it the _amount_? Did being in the recreation aid in the awakening? A trigger of sorts?

I wordlessly reached for the quill that she had left on the seat. Placing the page upon the chair, I began to quickly fill the page as I had all those thousands of years ago. When I finished, I lifted it, showing it to her and she gasped, nodding quickly as she leaned forward with astonishment.

“Yes!” she exclaimed, running her fingers along the length of the page. “That’s exactly what was on the page! How did you-”

“The notebook was mine,” I whispered, locking my eyes with hers, her breath catching with my words. “I would sketch my ideas and this… was the draft before the final blueprint was made. I built these.”


	15. Warrior of Light

“You...built these?” I asked, words no higher than a whisper. He hummed.

“ _ Oversaw _ is more accurate, I think, but the design was mine, yes.” 

“This…” I took the page from him again, holding it gently, examining it more closely. 

I breathed a laugh.

“In Eulmore...you told me you were an architect.”

“I did, yes.”

“Did you only design buildings?” I asked, looking at him once more.

“No,” he answered. “I was in charge of...creating a great many things.” I nodded, lifting my free hand to my mouth.

“I don’t...remember much about that dream,” I started. “But I…” I lifted my hands in the air, closing my eyes and waving my hand, watching a spire materialize off the side of a sky-scraper in my mind’s eye. 

“It just..appeared,” I sighed, a small smile on my lips.

My eyelids slid open, and I was mildly disappointed I wasn’t able to perform this type of magic anymore.

...Anymore? 

My brow furrowed in confusion at the thought. I lowered my hands, setting the paper in my lap, eyes landing once more on the Ascian. He watched my expression carefully before a smile tugged at one side of his mouth.

“Much like the magic I do,” he responded, lifting his hand. With a snap of his fingers, the picture we had drawn was made real, a small model of the tower and spire appearing in his open palm. I sucked in a breath as I plucked it from his hand, turning it over in mine as I examined it.

The detail- so much had been left out of the drawing…

It was so beautiful-

“On a much larger scale, of course.” He looked down at the building he’d just conjured, though his eyes were not focused- likely far away, in his memories, his smile turning wistful. “It took quite a few of us to  _ actually _ create it.”

I paused, lowering the model as I watched him- the fondness on his face when he thought about his past. My eyes dropped, my thumb sliding along the curve of the spire. 

But...how had I dreamt of a place I had never been in such detail? A  _ real _ place. Or at least...a place that  _ had _ existed... in a past that was now eons ago. When I lifted my head, I watched as Urianger looked up at Y’shtola, who came around again, stopping on Emet-Selch’s other side. She nodded to him, both of them coming to some wordless realization. 

I opened my mouth to inquire, but the Ascian stood with a small groan, blocking my view of the miqo’te and my mouth shut again. He put his hands on his hips, looking at us in turn.

“Well,” he began, his gaze landing on me, giving me a pointed look. I sat up straight. “It has been a taxing day... for us all. Perhaps we should get some rest.” Beside him, Y’shtola hummed.

“I must agree,” she said, leaning forward slightly to look at me, a certain sadness in her eyes that I was unaccustomed to seeing. She scanned me for a long moment before speaking again. “We should return to Slitherbough tomorrow...and stay a few days so you can recover.”

“Shouldn’t we go back to the Crystarium?” I asked, brow furrowing. “And update the Exarch? Continue on?” She hesitated for a moment and I raised a brow. “I’m perfectly fine to travel. You don’t need to worry-” 

“Surely a few more days rest will not be a problem,” she said with a sigh. “I’m sure the Exarch will understand.”

I inhaled a breath through my nose and pursed my lips, eyes darting to Emet-Selch. The Light lurched as my anger flared, even with his aether coating it.

“You told them  _ something _ .” He crossed his arms over his chest, his indignance at my accusation palpable.

“I have told you all a great many things.”

“You said you wouldn’t interfere.” He scoffed. 

“I would hardly call this interfering.” I narrowed my eyes. 

“You told them something that led them to believe that I can’t handle this. To make them think I  _ need _ rest.”

“Don’t you?” he challenged. “Need rest?” My jaw clenched.

“I’m  _ fine _ ,” I bit out. His frown deepened, his gaze sliding down to my chest before locking with my own again. 

“Are you?” We stared at each other for a long moment, my frustration beginning to radiate in the air between us.

All these secrets, now from him when I had thought that we- 

I winced as the Light thrashed about again, hand immediately flying the fabric of my shirt, my thoughts turning bitter.

Had he extracted the Darkness from me because I had argued with him? A punishment for questioning his motives?

Y’shtola cleared her throat and my hand relaxed immediately. I tore my eyes from his, looking down to my lap as I rubbed my skin through my top, silently begging for it to calm. 

“If I may,” she began. “He...was only giving us the answers to the questions  _ we _ asked, nothing more.”

I deflated with her words, slowly releasing my breath. I lifted my hand from my chest and rubbed my face as the fight faded from me, the churning slowing a small amount as I relaxed. 

“I’m sorry, I just…”

The miqo’te approached me slowly, frowning as she inspected me once more. She raised her hands, running them up and down my arms a few times. Trying to comfort  _ me _ , I realized, though her eyes still held despair at whatever she had been told. 

“Your strength has  _ never _ been in question, my friend, merely your well-being. Please,” she implored. “Go rest. We can talk about everything else in the morning.” My gaze dropped from hers and I nodded. She released me and I began heading back to my room without so much as a glance to the others, though, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the Ascian’s boots turn towards me as I passed. 

I sunk onto the edge of my bed after I’d closed and locked the door behind me, setting the small model onto the bedside table before leaning my elbows on my knees and dropping my head into my hands. 

Gods, what had gotten into me?

I heard a hum and peered through my fingers as Emet-Selch stepped out of a miasma of purple and black. He crossed his arms again as he beheld me. 

“I’m sorry,” I repeated before he could speak, though my words were muffled through my hands. “I didn’t mean to…” I sighed, my shoulders slumping further. 

He stepped forward and squatted down in front of me so he was at my level. He reached between us, nudging my hands away from my face before plunging his hand further, setting it flat against my chest. 

I felt his aether enter me once more, laying over my very being, quieting the screaming of my soul and wrapping me in a familiar comfort. I closed my eyes, leaning forward until his forehead was pressed against mine and a breath of relief slipped between my lips.

“It was not enough,” he admitted quietly, placing the same hand on my cheek when he had finished. “Before. The Light has grown exponentially since the last time and I did not anticipate it fading so quickly.” I nodded in understanding.

“I still shouldn’t have...said those things,” I said. “That’s...not what I think at all.” I pulled away from him, sitting back and opening my eyes, averting them to my lap as I examined my palms. 

Y’shtola’s face from mere minutes ago flashed in my mind. That heartbreak in her eyes as she beheld me, as if she would never see me again. 

So, that was it then. 

_ That _ was what they spoke about.

I lifted a hand to my shirt, placing it just over my heart.

The feeling I’d carried with me throughout this journey was warranted. I would  _ not _ survive this time. 

And now my friends knew it. They had asked, and, as promised, he had provided a truthful answer, though I am sure it was not the one they wanted to receive. 

Tears welled in my eyes, blurring my vision and I felt my body begin to shade as I desperately tried to hold them back. 

I was scared. Terrified. 

I had thought that hiding behind my mask would be enough for my friends- even for me. 

But this Warden had taken  _ so much _ out of me and there were still two more left.

I had been near death before, but  _ knowing _ that once this adventure came to a close, or possibly even  _ before _ , that I would no longer exist was a different feeling  _ entirely _ . 

My confidence and luck could only get me so far. My own skills, no matter how advanced, would not save me on this journey.

My hands balled in the fabric and suddenly, I felt as if I was suffocating. The weight of the world, of the people who inhabited this shard bearing down on me with such a force, I struggled to breathe. 

He leaned forward again as he watched me carefully, reaching his hand for my face once more. His thumb ran along my cheekbone, as if he could sense the turmoil in my mind. I exhaled an unsteady breath as I attempted to reign in my emotions. 

No, I thought. Brave. I needed to be brave. Or, at the very least, try to mask my fear in front of my friends. 

I swallowed hard and blinked away my tears as I willed the trembling in my limbs to cease.

But, in order to do that, I needed....to get away. Away from this place, away from these people. To go to a place where I wasn’t constantly reminded of my task, of my future. If only for one single night.

“Do you think…”

I paused, unsure how to word my question, or if he would even agree.

“Yes?” he asked, shifting so that he could sit next to me on the edge of the bed. 

“I don’t...want to sleep here tonight,” I confessed, threading my fingers together and clasping them tightly in my lap, heat creeping along my cheeks. “Would you take me back to the place you took me last night?”

When he didn’t answer, I twisted to look at him, only to be met with his amber gaze as he considered my request. 

“You don’t...have to stay if you don’t want to,” I said, quickly. “I would not ask that of you. I just don’t want to be  _ here _ .”

He hummed and held his hand out to me. Another bout of relief washed over me as I slid my fingers into his. He stood, then helped me up as well before pulling me through his portal and into the same room we had been in the night before. 

“Thank you,” I breathed as he released my hand. 

“Of course, hero.”

I took a quick look around the room again, taking stock of the furniture that I hadn’t bothered to notice before. A bed, of course, two side tables and lamps on either side. A vase sitting atop one, but no flowers inside of it. One window with the dark curtains still drawn shut. Two armoires. A door that I assumed led to the rest of the living quarters- wherever we were. The device on the wall next to it that controlled the lights-

I reached out to it, touching it lightly. The already dim lightning faded further. 

The night before, I had...immediately known how to use this, though I had never seen its like before in my life. And when my instincts told me to reach for it...the air shifted between us. 

Something changed.

Why?

It had not escaped my notice that he had continued standing in the same spot, unmoving, barely breathing.

My hand slid from the wall and I wrapped them around myself, looking away from the device and over my shoulder, watching him from the corner of my eye.

“Why is this room so familiar to me?” I asked. As close as he was watching me, the hitch of his breath...he knew  _ something _ , surely.

He visibly tensed before sighing. He turned his head, focusing instead on the bed and I understood that I had once again delved too far and would not receive an answer. 

The merciful thing to do would be to dismiss him, would it not? So that he did not have to run the way he had before? So that I may wallow in my fear and disappointment alone?

My gaze dropped further to the floor and I pursed my lips, but nodded and slowly turned towards the bed, reaching behind me to pull my shirt over my head.

“Okay,” I said, quietly. “I won’t bother you further.”

“You’re upset with me,” he surmised. I folded my shirt and set it on the nightstand with the flower vase, then slid out of my shoes while unfastening my pants. 

“I’m not,” I argued, softly. And I wasn’t, in truth. Not at him. “I’m just…” I sighed, “Tired.”

Tired, yes, but so much more...

He was silent for the long moments as I lowered my pants to step out of them. I folded them and placed them atop my shirt. When I reached for the band that held my hair up, I heard him shift, fabric sliding across fabric. 

I turned to face him, finding him hanging his leather coat onto the post at the foot of the bed. My brows shot up as my eyes widened.

“What are you-”

In a moment, he was next to me, reaching down and sweeping me off the floor. I sucked in a sharp breath at his sudden quickness.

“Emet-S-!” 

With a snap, the bed was immediately turned down and he lifted a knee to the mattress, leaning over to set me down on top before climbing in next to me. I slid my bare feet under the blanket and furrowed my brow as I watched him make himself comfortable. 

He reached down, covering us both before opening his arm to me. I struggled to find my words as I stared at him in confusion.

“But-”

He clicked his tongue, feigning annoyance before wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me to him. I tensed for a moment.

“You want me to stay,” he said. It wasn’t a question. Could he sense my need for the distraction he would provide?

“I don’t want you to stay if it makes you uncomfortable,” I answered, nonetheless, even if it was a lie. Even if I would give anything for him to stay. “I’ve been on my own for quite a long time. I think I can handle it a while longer.”

“Then I suppose you will just have to suffer my company for tonight,” he said with a sigh. His arm tightened around me. “Relax, hero.” His voice was quiet, this time. Softer. “I am not going anywhere.”

I huffed with faux annoyance but did as he said. I let the tension in my muscles go, laying my head on his chest as he tucked me under his chin, my arm lying across his stomach. He relaxed as well, his fingers lazily running up and down my bicep as we laid in silence. 

I closed my eyes, letting the warmth of his body comfort me, though my mind continued to turn.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, finally. I bit my lip, hesitation building within me. I  _ knew _ what I wanted to ask him about, but I was unsure if he would answer me since my earlier question had been...too much. He nudged me. “I know you haven’t fallen asleep. I can feel your mind churning from here.”

With a breathy laugh, I lifted my arm to draw various shapes in his tunic with my index finger.

“I know you said that...you didn’t  _ want _ me learning about... _ you _ ,” I started, slowly, testing the waters. When he stayed silent, I continued. “But I still want to...get to know you, regardless.”

“Alright, hero,” he huffed, voice full of amusement. I twisted so I was lying on my stomach and propped myself up on my elbows, resting my chin in one palm. “I will concede for tonight. Ask your questions.” A small smile spread across my lips and he lifted a brow, waiting. 

“Okay,” I agreed, pouting my bottom lip as I thought. “Then...what were you like before...all of this?”

“What was I like?” he asked, incredulously.

“Yeah,” I laughed, smile widening into a grin. “Were you...just as snarky? Smug?” He narrowed his eyes at me as I giggled, though I noticed one corner of his mouth tugging upwards at my mirth.

“Save for my patience wearing thin more easily, I do not believe my personality has changed much.”

“Oh, interesting. A temperamental architect,” I teased. He rolled his eyes.

“Only around  _ certain _ people. Next question.” I hummed. 

“How about your favorite food?”

“I tend to prefer foods that are spicy.”

“Spicy...as in flavorful or hot?”

“Both. I have been around for many thousands of years,” he explained. “Food...has a tendency to lose its flavor after so long. I find most foods bland and tasteless and without a vessel, I have no need for it. But spiced correctly, it is, at the very least, salvageable.”

I tilted my head to the side, tapping a finger of my free hand against my lips as I thought of another question. 

“What about you, hero?” I stilled, my eyes widening. 

“Me?” I squeaked, not prepared for his question. He breathed a laugh, the smile finally appearing on his face. “I guess...seafood?”

“You don’t know?” I furrowed my brow for a moment.

“Food has never been a luxury for me to enjoy, I suppose. I’m...always so busy.” I sighed, shoulders slumping slightly. “A lot of rations and quickly made dinners as I’m travelling so often. It’s just energy.”

“Hmm,” he hummed, lips turning down with slight disappointment. “Spoken like a  _ true _ hero. How monotonous.”

“It’s all I’ve known,” I said with a shrug. “Alright. What about your favorite color?”

“Gold,” he said immediately, without missing a beat. 

“Like your eyes?” I asked, perking up, a coy smile on my face. “How egotistical of you.” He clicked his tongue, sitting up slightly, his face coming close to mine. 

“No, not like  _ my _ eyes,” he insisted. My smile fell, lips parting as his eyes searched mine, my face flushing at his sudden closeness. “Do you know, hero,” he began again, gaze roaming my expression. “The color of fresh honey? The deep amber color of the liquid...like molten gold, but not  _ quite _ as metallic?”

My breath caught and I swallowed hard at the intensity of his gaze.

“That’s…oddly specific,” I said, quietly, voice no higher than a whisper as he leaned in even closer. He huffed a laugh through his nose at whatever he found on my face and barely brushed his lips against mine, causing a shiver to run up my spine, before quickly pulling back with a smirk and settling down on his pillow again. I pouted my lips as he continued.

“I’d only ever seen it in one place in thousands of years,” he explained nonchalantly. “I thought it lost to time until recently.”

“I like red,” I offered in response as his arm went around me again, his hand nudging me, prompting me to lie back down. I did as I was bid, rolling back over to my side, laying my head on his shoulder. He began running his fingers through my hair, brushing out any leftover tangles Y’sthola might have missed. 

“There are many shades of red, you know,” he teased me, as I had done to him earlier. It was my turn to roll my eyes. 

“Yes, I am well aware. You didn’t even give me a chance to finish.”

“My apologies. Please, continue.”

I rolled onto my back, feigning annoyance. 

“Well, now I don’t want to tell you.”

“Is that so?” he scoffed, removing his arm from around me. He began turning over so his face was facing me. “Well, I suppose we should just go to sleep then-”

“Maroon,” I admitted, quickly. He paused his movement and I pulled on his shoulder until he lay back in his previous position. The smugness of his expression gave him away and I clicked my tongue before settling into his side once more. 

“Why such a deep red?” I pursed my lips as I tried to put my reasoning into words.

“It’s...the color reminds me of velvet,” I explained. “It can be soft and vibrant at the same time...I don’t...really know how to describe it.”

He seemed to accept my answer nonetheless. “Your next question?”

I was silent for long moments, trying to come up with something else to ask him. In truth, I wanted to know  _ everything _ about him, but how could I...where did I even start?

“I can hardly believe these trivial things are what you really want to know, hero,” he said with a chuckle. “Tell me what you’re really thinking.” I breathed a laugh. I was caught. I had avoided the subject, not wanting to offend him again, but I supposed now... 

“I  _ do _ want to know these things. But...I was just...wondering about your city,” I answered, trying to stifle a yawn. I could feel my mind begin to drift.“Will you tell me more about it?”

His hand stilled on my arm and he hummed, reaching his free hand up and behind his head. I tilted my head up to watch him as he stared up at the ceiling. Finally, he sighed deeply, his chest falling under my hand. 

“It was...magnificent,” he started, closing his eyes. I settled back into him as he continued, curling myself closer to him. “There were, of course, cities upon cities on the star, but ours...was arguably the best among them.

“The technological advances were unprecedented, its government innovative.

“But my  _ favorite _ thing about this city...was the skyline. Tall buildings with spires, just like the one I showed you tonight- at sunset they would be awash with vibrant pinks, and purples, and oranges.” He sighed again, happily this time, and I closed my eyes, a smile tugging at my lips as I tried to imagine it. The colors bursting forth from beyond the structures, between the rods of the curved, twisting spires. Even though I couldn’t picture it in actuality, it was still enough to take my breath away.

“And when it faded into night…,” he continued. “Millions of glittering stars beyond thousands of windows, glowing with a warm light, the currents of the Lifestream flowing through the streets.”

“It sounds…,” I started, the smile slowly disappearing from my face as I paused mid sentence. He spoke so animatedly, so...passionately about this city. This city that he was trying to restore...through the Great Rejoining. This city that I was preventing him from returning to as I struggled to stop him and his kind. 

But, all the death...I-

When his arm tightened around me, I realized he had noticed. I sighed.

“It sounds amazing,” I said again, sadly this time. 

“It was,” he whispered, his hand running along my arm once again. 

Silence descended upon us once more and I tried to push the sadness from my mind, but it wasn’t long until I could feel as my consciousness float further away. I tightened my arm around his torso, pulling myself closer to him. “I hope you live long enough, hero, so that you can see it a-” He paused.

“Hmm?” 

“Nothing,” he replied with a sigh. “I just hope you live long enough to see it.”

I hummed, though something nagged the blurring edges of my mind.

Was there another word he had meant to say...or was my sleep addled brain hearing things?

He lifted the arm that wasn’t around me, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear. He shifted, leaning his head down to gently kiss the top of my head.

A sense of familiarity washed over me as I dozed off. 

_ Ours _ , he had said. 

Was he...talking about me? 

How…?

The scent of flowers filled the room and I relaxed further. 

I pictured him, then, in this room, in a life long past. 

The vase on the bedside table stood full with a beautiful bouquet of flowers he had brought home for me, an open book lying next to it… And as we were winding down in bed, he was.. pressing his lips to my forehead, my hand threading through the strands of his hair.

“I miss...the white,” I mumbled.

“The white?” he asked softly, his hand pausing on my arm once more. I hummed again as the cool, comforting darkness of sleep began to take me.

“Your hair… Why did you...change it?”

Before I could collect his answer, however, everything went black.


	16. Emet-Selch

She had fallen asleep.

I could tell from the evenness of her breathing, from the way her lips had parted as she sighed contentedly. The way her eyes danced beneath the lids as she let herself slip deeper into unconsciousness and began to dream.

When she had mumbled something unintelligible in her sleep and rolled over away from me, I took the opportunity to slip from the bed, standing at the window to peer out at the recreation of the city below.

The Warrior of Light had stumbled her way through what seemed to be a subconscious recollection of her previous life, a confirmation that what I was doing seemed to be working, and then promptly fell asleep.

Not that I could blame her, as exhausting as it must be to house so much Light when her soul is not equipped for such a strain.

And yet I found myself frustrated with her. Because I wanted to expand on it, because I wanted to be _sure_.

I turned to look at her, watching as she shifted once more, her hair strewn messily on the pillow.

I had intended to help her remember who she was, but so much of this had been outside of my control. Perhaps I would need to reevaluate my plan. While a part of me was happy, relieved even, that she seemed to be slowly regaining bits of who she was through these infusions of my aether, there was still a large part that was nearly screaming to be cautious. That this could be dangerous. 

This was uncharted territory, as far as I was aware. I exhaled a slow breath, and opened a portal.

At the sound of my emergence on my pedestal, Elidibus turned, his surprise at my arrival evident in the lifting of his brows, peeking out just above his mask.

“Emet-Selch,” he greeted me. “To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?”

I pursed my lips. “I… find myself unsure how to proceed,” I admitted, having no time for games. The last thing I needed was the Warrior of Light to awaken and begin exploring my recreation.

“How unlike you.”

“Quite,” I muttered. “Hence why I’ve come. It seems… she remembers.”

Elidibus tilted his head. “Remembers…? Everything?”

I shook my head. “No, bits and pieces, but they’ve been… coming to her at an alarming rate, and previously she had no recollection.”

“Have you done anything out of the ordinary?” he asked, bringing his hand to his chin, genuine interest sparking in his eyes. I shook my head once more and he began to pace back and forth slowly. “And what does she remember?”

“Seemingly trivial things,” I said. “That my hair was white, the day that I showed her the final blueprints for the spires in Amaurot. How to use a light switch in the recreation. The Final Days, though not in extraordinarily clear detail.”

He hummed in consideration of my words. “I know you _wanted_ her to remember, but if you have not done anything to elicit such an unlocking of her mind, it is certainly a cause for concern.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, considering whether I should reveal the experimentation on Zenos to him or not as a means for an explanation. But before I could, the Emissary came to a stop, tapping a finger on his lips.

“Though… Lahabrea mentioned something of the sort,” Elidibus murmured. “The more time he spent with Igeyorhm, the more she regained of her memories, despite her sundered state.”

“But Igeyorhm was Ascended to her seat. A fragmented soul, yes, but she was cognizant of her role.”

He nodded. “Yes, but because she was still Sundered, the memories unlocked with the Ascension were limited. But this development, that he could facilitate her remembering simply with his presence, is why they worked together so closely at the end.”

“Did he ever come to understand _why_?”

Elidibus shook his head. “Nor did he seem to concern himself with it.”

“I wonder if it’s rooted in the nature of the relationship their souls had,” I pondered out loud. “It would make sense, then, for the Warrior of Light and I to have a similar phenomenon occur.”

“Indeed. That was my thought as well.”

“So it should be alright, then, if I proceed with my plan. Although…” I trailed off, furrowing my brow. “If I Ascended her, would she remember more quickly than she already does?”

Elidibus hummed, tilting his head with curiosity as he examined me. When he spoke, he did so slowly, scrutinizing my reaction with each word. “Her Constellation was never created, Emet-Selch, so an Ascension would do nothing for her memories. It would bolster her soul, provide her with more strength, but unlike the others, we never created a crystal for her. As was the will of the Convocation.”

“Yes, I know the Convocation did not wish for her Constellation to be created,” I replied quickly, with a slight bite to my tone. “But if she were to continue to remember… if she came to realize the truth of who she was and who we are, perhaps that ruling could be changed.”

Elidibus paused, seeming to process my response before giving me a curt nod.

“It would need to be discussed at length, but yes, if her circumstances changed, it could be considered. Though I am sure I do not need to remind you of the protocols and policies.”

He faltered then, for only a moment, but it was enough. His next words were those he had not entirely considered the weight of, but he would share them nonetheless.

“If I may make a suggestion… it may be necessary for you to allow her to feel the pain from the damage being wrought upon her soul. If you continue to numb it, she will believe herself to be stronger than she truly is, that the damage is less extensive. You may be doing her a disservice.”

I frowned, shaking my head slightly. “Her moods already fluctuate from the strain; she is… uncomfortable in ways she cannot entirely grasp. I cannot leave her to suffer knowing that I am able to provide a brief respite.”

“Then I’m afraid you risk failing to convince her to abandon her course. And when the time comes, I will not stay my hand,” he stated before sighing and turning away. “But I must take my leave, Emet-Selch. There is a matter I must attend to.”

I nodded, bowing slightly at the waist as a miasma of purple opened behind me, humming as it waited to provide me with safe passage back to the Tempest.

With the sound of the portal shutting behind me, the Warrior of Light was roused from her sleep, but only to lift her head up to blearily look over at me, her lids just barely open. I watched as she tried to wake herself, her brows knitted together.

“Where did you…?” she mumbled, still barely awake. I shushed her, approaching the bed once more and slipping beneath the covers.

“Worry not, Warrior of Light,” I whispered, offering her the place against my side that she seemed to prefer. “Go back to sleep. If you remember in the morning, I will explain.”

She hummed with her distaste of the implication that she would _not_ remember, but curled into my side nonetheless. I breathed a laugh at her reaction, threading my fingers through her hair as she drifted off to sleep once more.

It was interesting that she would sleep so soundly in this place, to the point where even the sound of my portal would barely break her from her slumber. Prior to our interactions, she would certainly have immediately awoken with the hum of the portal, associating it with those she considered her enemies.

But now… a negligible reaction. No more than that of a partner reacting when the other returns home later than expected, similar to the reaction the Fourteenth had given me night after night when I slipped into bed hours after she had.

There was a tug deep within me, a sadness that filled me at the memory of a happier time. How I had looked forward to her welcoming me into her arms after a long, exhausting day in the office whenever she remained in Amaurot between her journeys.

The differences between her and the Warrior of Light were not as numerous as I had originally anticipated, but there were enough to remind me that she is no longer the same. This was one of them, it would seem. 

My lips turned down into a frown, and I shook my head at the foolishness of this train of thought. Had I truly expected a fractured imperfection to be the same? 

I peered at the chronometer on the wall, realizing there was significant time left before her companions would awaken and notice her absence. With a sigh, I settled further into the pillows, tightening my arms around the hero before allowing myself to drift off to sleep as well.

When I awoke, it was to the feeling of fingers threading through my hair, gently grasping the strands before letting them fall. I furrowed my brow, cracking an eye open to see the Warrior of Light observing me carefully. 

She stayed her hand when she realized I was awake, letting it hover above me. “Did I wake you?” she asked, speaking barely above a whisper, a frown crossing her expression.

I slowly opened my eyes, shaking my head slightly. She placed her hand down on my cheek, her thumb brushing against the bone.

How… strange that I did not rise before she did. 

“Were you dreaming?” Her eyes searched mine, genuine curiosity alight in her expression. “You seemed… calm.”

I arched a brow. “Are you insinuating I am ordinarily _not_ calm?”

“Okay, not calm,” she amended. “At peace. I figured maybe it was a good dream.”

I hummed as I considered her observation. “I do believe it was.”

“You don’t remember?”

“The alternative would have been a nightmare, hero,” I murmured. “And you would know if I was having one.”

Her expression fell then, and she looked down at my chest, sliding her hand down to grip the fabric of my tunic gently. I watched as she furrowed her brow, pouting slightly and breathed a laugh.

“What about you?” I asked her and she snapped her gaze back to mine, seemingly surprised by my question. “Do you remember your dream?”

Her lips parted slightly, her eyes seeming to unfocus. “I… can only remember fireworks,” she finally replied, her focus returned to me. “And a festival...maybe? But it wasn’t one I recognized.”

“Perhaps it’s a festival you’ve yet to attend,” I teased, though I suspected it was a memory returned to her as the other dreams had been. “A prophetic vision from your Mother.”

She rolled her eyes before moving to sit up and stretching her hands over her head.

I turned over to lay on my back, folding my hands behind my head as I watched her slip from the bed. She reached for her clothing and began to slip her shirt over her head when she paused, looking over at me. 

“So… where did you go?” she asked before pulling her head through the shirt and tugging it down to cover her torso.

“Ah, you remembered.”

“Of course I did,” she muttered as she passed one of her feet through the leg of her trousers. 

“Thus far your memory has been unimpressive at best, so pardon my assumption,” I mused and she paused, looking up at me with narrowed eyes. 

“I remember details from our first conversation, and I was intoxicated,” she retorted and I arched a brow. “And now that I know more, I realize that you were _creating_ drinks. To keep me talking. To… take advantage.”

“Guilty as charged,” I admitted with a smirk and she huffed before she continued getting dressed. “Though I did not take advantage, despite the opportunity, if you recall.”

She flushed at the memory, clearing her throat.

“You seem as if you’re trying to avoid telling me the truth,” she accused as she came to sit on the edge of the bed to slip her boots on. 

“Of all the things I would endeavor to avoid sharing with you, this truth is not one of them. I went to speak to Elidibus.” 

When she looked over her shoulder at me, an unspoken question in her eyes, I sighed and pressed my lips together tightly. 

“You perplexed me and I needed a second opinion,” I concluded. 

She quickly shifted, twisting to face me. “Perplexed you…?”

“Do you remember what you said before you fell asleep?” 

“I…” she faltered, her expression falling as she looked down at the mattress, a small wrinkle appearing in her brow. 

I arched a brow, waiting for her response, watching as the cogs in her mind turned as she strained to remember the words she had uttered while on the edges of consciousness.

“I can’t say that I do,” she finally admitted with a sigh and I snickered, causing her to look up at me quickly with a scowl. “I’m sure it’ll come to me.”

“Hmm… We shall see, won’t we?” 

“You could just _tell_ me,” she muttered while moving to stand. 

“I could,” I replied and her eyes lit with a glint of hopefulness, making a corner of my mouth pull upwards. Immediately, the spark vanished and she groaned.

“But you won’t,” she concluded and I hummed my affirmation, shifting slightly to slide out of the bed. With a sigh, I lazily peered at the layers of clothing I had removed before snapping my fingers, my outfit immediately reassembling on my body.

“At any rate, it’s time to return you to your Scions. You’ve quite a journey ahead of you and I’ve whisked you away from their safety for far too long,” I stated, a portal opening at the foot of the bed. I moved towards it before reaching my hand back to offer it to the Warrior of Light.

When she did not take it, I looked over my shoulder to see her straightening the pillows and beginning to reach for the sheets. “What in Zodiark’s name are you _doing_?” 

I watched as she finished making the bed with shaking hands before sighing and looking over at me, a deep frown on her lips. “Do… do we have to leave?” 

I arched my brow, searching her expression slowly and taking note of the apprehension that danced in her eyes. With a sigh, the humming of the portal came to a stop as it sealed once more. Immediately, the hero deflated, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“Is there a particular reason you’d like to extend your stay?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

She slumped slightly, wrapping her arms around herself with the slightest shrug. 

“I just… need more time,” she admitted after a slight hesitation, her voice barely above a whisper. “To prepare for the next step.”

“Not that I’m opposed to allowing you this brief reprieve,” I started, slowly moving to stand in front of her and crouching before her. “But I’ll need more of an explanation if I’m to permit you to stay here any longer.”

She slowly slid her gaze from her lap to meet mine, and I took note of the tears that had collected within her eyes. She clicked her tongue when my expression softened, her annoyance at herself showing when she roughly wiped the tears away before they fell.

“I’ve never felt this way before,” she finally admitted after several moments passed in silence. “I just feel angry and powerless, but also I’m the only one who _can_ do this, so I know that I must. And yet…”

“You’ve become keenly aware of the fate that awaits you upon your task’s completion,” I concluded and she nodded, looking down at her hands that lay upon her lap.

“So I just need more time,” she whispered, hands drawing into loose fists. “To accept it. Before I face them with a brave smile.”

I watched as she composed herself, the shaking in her hands steadily coming to a stop. She exhaled a slow breath, her eyes still trained on her lap. Slowly, I lifted my hand, placing my fingers beneath her chin. She tensed for a moment at the contact, but I lingered until she relaxed before slowly tilting her face up to look at me.

“Have you considered _not_ completing your task, Warrior of Light?” I asked her as I searched her face, noting the sadness and uncertainty that filled her expression. “Selfish though it may be, have you considered reevaluating your own worth? Putting yourself above all others?”

“You said you wouldn’t interfere,” she mumbled after a slight delay, her mind seeming to process my words and I breathed a laugh.

“I was not aware having a conversation with you was considered _interfering_ ,” I retorted, lowering my hand from her chin. “I merely was offering you an alternative, a solution to your plight. You’ve been forced to complete a task that you are ill-equipped for—by a stranger, mind you— in order to save a shard you have no prior affiliations with. No one can fault you for deciding _not_ to save them.”

“It’s hard for me to… accept your words when the suggestion you give is exactly what I’ve come to expect,” she admitted with a sigh. “I know it’s different now, that there’s a certain… honesty and trust between us and your advice likely comes without ulterior motives but-”

“And if my advice _did_ come loaded with an ulterior motive, what then?” 

She paused, searching my face slowly as she pursed her lips. 

“It may not be the one you suspect,” I continued before slowly standing and looking at the door that led to the rest of the living space. “But my recommendations are not entirely selfless. Irrespective of the changes in our dynamic, Warrior of Light, you and I are still working toward opposing goals.”

“If not to stop me from meddling, to allow the continuation of your quest for the Rejoining, then why? Why convince me to stop, if my death would mean the _end_ of the meddling?”

I sighed, looking down at her from the corner of my eye. Her expression was entirely collected, a mask placed upon it as calm as the tone of her voice.

“How little you value your life,” I whispered, shaking my head as I looked back to the door. “How little you care for your soul.” 

When she did not respond, I made my way to the door, lifting a hand to grasp the doorknob before looking over my shoulder at her. 

“At any rate, hero, might I suggest making arrangements to inform your compeers of your safety? Though I doubt they could find us here, the last thing I wish is for your Exarch friend to snoop on me in my own home.”

She stood quickly when I began to open the door, taking a step toward me, but faltered when I shook my head.

“When you’re finished, I’ll be waiting for you just down this hallway. I need a moment to make some minor adjustments beyond, but I’m sure I’ll be finished before you are. The door will be open. As I am allowing you to hide away here, my only condition is that you keep your wandering to a minimum. Any door left shut is one I’d prefer you left alone.”

When I emerged on the other side, I allowed the door to shut behind me with a _click_. I slowly meandered down the hall, waving my hand to shut all the doors along the way. They would need adjustments before she could see them. When I arrived at the living room, I slowly pushed the door open, standing in the doorway for a moment. After a quick glance around the room, I sighed, placing my hands on my hips as I considered how I was going to accomplish my task.

The recreation was scaled in size to how it once was, with the exception of the bedroom, which I had previously altered to be more appropriate for the size of my current vessel. But the rest of the apartment, the rest of the city… 

I frowned, wondering if it was worth the effort to rebuild the entirety of the recreation to better show her, to share with her any memories that may be rekindled… or if I should merely resize the areas that I was prepared for her to see. 

One look out the window to see the towering spires, the magnificence of the skyline was all it took to aid in making my decision. I would not adjust the truth to accommodate for the Sundering, regardless of how eager I was to help her remember in any way that I could. And so… 

With my mind made up, the room slowly shifted down in size until it matched the proportions of the bedchamber. Though it meant I would no longer be able to receive visits from any of the recreated inhabitants, she and I would at least be able to enjoy the day here until she felt ready to return to her friends.

Unless she decided she did not wish to continue her journey any longer, in which case-

The sound of footsteps approaching roused me from my thoughts and I turned slightly to watch her warily push the door open the smallest amount and peer through the larger opening she made. I arched a brow when her eyes locked with mine. Her cheeks flushed a bright red as she realized I truly _was_ waiting for her.

“Did you expect an endless miasma to consume you, hero?” I teased and she pushed the door completely open with a huff, stepping out into the living space, the redness in her face lingering. “So sorry to disappoint with a simple apartment.”

“It’s…” Her eyes roamed the room slowly as she shifted her weight from one leg to the other. “It’s very well furnished.”

I turned then, observing the living quarters that I had recreated exactly as it had been for thousands of years. The large couch that was facing the fireplace, corner tables on either side of it with lamps that illuminated the room. An ornate rug with a table atop it that I had used in a time long passed to share new Concepts while we had tea, the crackling of the firewood filling the room along with the sound of her laughter.

By the window, a single armchair facing outwards, where she would frequently sit while she read her favorite books. Beside it, along the wall, a bare shelf, previously filled to the brim with her collection, but now… too painful to take stock of them, so I had left it barren. 

The doorway to the kitchen lay beyond, a corner of an overly decorative dining table visible from our current view. 

I slowly looked back at the Warrior of Light with a shrug. “I wish I could take the credit, but I fear I had little say in the matter.”

She arched a brow, taking another look around the room with a new perspective now, her eyes lingering on smaller details. 

“My other half, you see,” I explained, and I was certain she had caught the sadness I had failed to hide in my voice. “She was… very particular.”

The hero’s breath caught at my words, her arms wrapping around herself as her gaze lingered on the empty bookshelf before she cleared her throat, a clearly forced laugh following as she looked back at me. 

“I never would have seen you as a man to give in to a woman’s wishes so thoroughly,” she teased, though the smile she wore did not reach her eyes.

I averted my gaze to the lone armchair. “Have I not given into _your_ wishes on a number of occasions, Warrior of Light?” 

We fell silent then, neither of us speaking for several moments before I finally looked away from the chair to look at the hero once more. Her gaze was locked on the same armchair, and upon feeling my eyes on her, she turned her head toward me again. 

Her eyes searched mine, and when she spoke, there was a sadness within her words that was so profound it nearly took my breath away.

“Will you… tell me about her?”

I opened my mouth to respond, immediately wanting to refute her request, my body tensing as I bristled at the notion. But the feeling of her hand on my arm, soothing and understanding, gave me pause. With a sigh, I gestured toward the couch with a stiff nod and the Warrior of Light lowered her hand to make her way to take a seat.

“How did you inform the Scions?” I asked, as I moved to join her, snapping my fingers to conjure forth some tea for us when I sat beside her, a fire roaring to life in the stone opening before us.

She moved to pour herself a cup and then to fill mine, explaining that she had a bond with a faerie, and she had requested that they inform her friends. When she lifted my cup to offer it to me, I found myself more at ease than I previously had been. 

Her motions, the similarities in her mannerisms and movements. She seemed so comfortable and natural and _at home_ in these surroundings. I accepted the tea with a muttered word of thanks before settling back and lifting the cup to my lips.

“The last time we had tea together, you were not being entirely honest with me,” she murmured as she lowered hers back down to the saucer she held in her hand.

“Nor was I lying,” I rebutted with a smirk and she rolled her eyes with a shake of her head. “What do you wish to know? Since our relationship has seemingly shifted to one of more openness and truth, I will endeavor to maintain it as such.”

“Your… ‘other half’,” she started. “If it hurts too much to speak of her, you don’t have to, but… is she the woman I remind you of?”

I hesitated a moment before giving the smallest of nods. “Yes. The Fourteenth.”

“You told me of a council, fourteen souls, was that her… number or…?”

“It’s a little complicated, I’m afraid,” I relented with a sigh. "We Ascians are thirteen in number, and she… _was_ the fourteenth. It’s what we’ve come to refer to her as, rather than her original title, merely because of… the nature of her departure.”

“Her title?” The Warrior of Light sat up, scooting closer toward me as she leaned in, completely intrigued by the information I had offered her.

“Ah, yes, I suppose that in and of itself warrants an explanation. The names you have come to know us by, whether it be Lahabrea or Elidibus, are not our true names,” I explained, my eyes trained on the flickering flame in the fireplace. “They are titles that are indicative of an office held, a seat upon the council.”

“So Emet-Selch is… your title, then,” she breathed, though her train of thought was clear simply from the electricity of her tone, the excitement in her posture.

I nodded. “And before you ask, you and I are admittedly close but not quite close enough, so no. I will not share my true name.”

Immediately, she seemed to deflate, but she nodded nonetheless. “So have there been other Emet-Selchs?”

“At one point, yes. When an office is vacated, it can be filled by another. Nominated by one’s peers and then chosen by the thirteen who remain upon the council. However, I have been the sole occupant of this particular seat for several thousand years,” I paused, lowering my cup to the table before leaning back. “There are other positions—Igeyorhm and Nabriales, for example—which have been a rotating door of sorts. But in most cases, we have endeavored to keep the selfsame soul within a given office.”

“So the Fourteenth, what was her title then?”

“That, I’m afraid, I will refrain from answering. Time will tell if you come to discover the truth for yourself, but this I cannot tell you. You will have to ask something else.”

She sighed, chewing on her bottom lip for a moment as she considered her next words. “Do… do I look like her?”

“No,” I replied immediately and then sighed, slumping in my seat. “Well, not exactly. There are some… similarities, but-”

“Like what?” she asked, the keen interest lighting within her eyes once more. When I shook my head, she quickly shifted to place her cup down next to mine before reaching to take my hands between hers. “Just one thing. You seemed to really care about her and I… I’m just curious.”

I pressed my lips into a firm line, gently pulling my hands from hers, shaking my head once more. “If you press me further, Warrior of Light, I will forcibly take you back to the Greatwood,” I warned and she groaned, slumping before she leaned back against the cushion of the couch. 

I could feel her eyes on me as I stared into the fire, an uncomfortable silence settling between us. 

Finally, I sighed, the tension in the air as she seemed to glower at me reminiscent of old times. 

“Your eyes,” I whispered. “Not only the color itself, though they are similar, but… the way they catch the light. The way they seem to sparkle when you’re excited, too.” I paused, looking over at her to see her watching me carefully, her lips parted as the static in the air dissipated with her waning anger. “You are both stubborn, as well. To a fault.”

“How did you meet?” she asked then, launching straight into the next question, realizing I would give in to her wishes yet again.

“How… did we meet…” I leaned back, looking up at the ceiling as I crossed my arms over my chest. “I can’t seem to recall, if I’m being honest, Warrior. She was… simply always there. Perhaps as children, but if there was once a memory of that moment, I’m afraid I have since lost it with the passage of time.”

“Childhood sweethearts?” she breathed, reaching for her tea.

“Mmm, no. I wouldn’t say that. She and I, and a good friend of ours, we were inseparable through our youth. We fed off each other’s creativity, flourished and grew simply by being in one another’s presence.

“But then, when our friend landed a prestigious position and subsequently buried himself in his work, the two of us simply… clicked together. But it wasn’t until we were adults that we even considered such a dynamic.”

“Dynamic,” she mused, intrigued by my word choice.

“Well, yes. To be in a relationship was a very serious undertaking in our society, hero. Not to be taken lightly. To share one’s space, one’s home with another was not a decision anyone made without genuine and careful consideration. And as such, the dynamic would change. From mere friends or colleagues to lovers.”

Her cheeks flushed quickly. “I see.”

“Which is not to say that she and I wouldn’t spend the night at one another’s apartments, but such stages in a courtship usually did not last long,” I explained. “When a soul is perfectly matched for your own, it is easy to tell and difficult to resist.”

“So you probably knew from when you were very young, I guess,” she said, speaking softly as she looked at the side of my face. “That you’d end up together.”

I shrugged a shoulder. “Perhaps. Looking back, I can’t say I could have imagined anyone else at my side, even as a child.”

“You sound like you miss her,” she whispered. “I can’t say that I blame you.”

I gave a small noncommittal shrug in response.

She hummed, the feel of her eyes on me causing me to glance sidelong at her. She tilted her head at me, pursing her lips.

“What did you like most about her?” she finally asked, after examining me for a short while.

I cleared my throat, raising a hand to idly rub at the angle of my jaw, trying to mask my aversion to talking about her.

“I…” I blew out a slow breath, the action puffing my cheeks out as I stared deep into the fireplace. “I’m sure you’re expecting some sickeningly romantic answer, like her fierce determination or her unwavering nature.”

She nodded her head, leaning toward me slightly as I turned my head to look at her.

“But in actuality,” I continued, my expression serious as I allowed my eyes to roam her face, “Her stubbornness drove me mad.”

The Warrior of Light rolled her eyes and I felt a small smile pull at my lips, her reaction a predictable one.

“One thing I loved, however, was this little… wrinkle,” I whispered, raising my hand slowly, gently tapping my index finger between her brows. “Right here. When she was thinking intently.”

The hero’s eyes widened, and she leaned away from my touch, turning to busy herself with refilling her cup.

“Her eyes, as I’ve said before, would nearly _glimmer_ when she had an exciting thought. Her laugh,” I continued with a sigh, looking back toward the dwindling flames. I raised my hand to snap, the fire roaring to life again. “Perhaps what I miss most is how she would hum while going about her day. Absentmindedly.”

We fell into silence then, the Warrior of Light’s gaze heavy on the side of my face before she blew out a slow breath.

“I thought you said it wasn’t romantic,” she said, and I could not stop the chuckle that escaped me. I looked at her, my brow arching at the bright flush of her cheeks.

“I said it wasn’t _sickeningly_ romantic.”

“True,” she whispered, searching my eyes for a moment before averting her gaze. She cleared her throat as I settled back into my previous position, arms crossed over my chest.

“What types of things did she like to do? Or dislike?”

I furrowed my brow, sinking further into the cushions with my discomfort at her continued prodding. “I’m not sure it matters. I’ve already answered more than-”

“I’m curious,” she insisted. “Humor me.”

With a sharp exhale, I looked around the room, my gaze landing on a bookshelf. 

“She loved to read,” I murmured. “By the window, until the light of the sun dwindled so low behind the buildings that she could no longer do so without a lamp. She frequently traveled, and after her journeys, she never failed to return with a new tome.”

“Did you ever go with her?” the hero asked, taking another sip of her tea. “On her travels?”

My mind flashed with images of one of the few times I _had_ gone with her, to a nautical city celebrating the change of seasons. But rather than reveal it, I shook my head. “Rarely, if ever. I was needed here. We would go months apart at times, but it made me cherish the times she _was_ home all the more.”

I breathed a laugh, my gaze landing on the empty table pushed against the wall. 

“She also had a penchant for… experimentation,” I said, the mirth clear in my tone as my lips turned up into a smile. “With various herbs to discern their properties for tonics and ointments.”

“Medicine for her travels,” the Warrior of Light surmised and I hummed in affirmation. “I guess aether doesn’t solve everything.”

“That, and there were civilizations on the star who simply believed using it was an offense to the gods. Which was preposterous, but she still made the effort.”

“Ah, I see,” she murmured. “To help those who needed it, without _inflaming the natives_.” 

I looked back at her with her word choice, narrowing my eyes with mock annoyance. Her lips pulled upward into a bright smile as she lifted her cup to her mouth with a small, nonchalant shrug.

Much to my dismay, we spent most of the day continuing to discuss the Fourteenth. What she did prior to being a member of the Convocation. Her hobbies, her talents.

As the hours passed, I found it did not get easier, the fact that she did not even remember these things about _herself_ causing an indescribable amount of pain within me.

To her credit, the Warrior of Light seemed to notice the steady shift in my mood. Eventually, she came to change the subject, settling instead upon asking questions about Garlemald. Things that she certainly could have found in history books, things that were common knowledge and much too boring. 

Several hours later, having run out of questions to ask, she fell asleep, her head resting against my shoulder, the fire long since extinguished.


	17. Warrior of Light

_ A loud roar that shook the ground beneath my feet. _

_ A gigantic beast, the sum of our fears flying directly overhead, bringing destruction in its wake. _

_ My hood torn from my head, hair whipping around with the wind that it brought as it passed. _

_ Fire, fire everywhere. Buildings collapsing, unable to support themselves any longer. _

_ Not our city. Please, not our beautiful, perfect city! _

_ Tears streaming down my face as I cried, screamed, pleaded, reaching my hand out, though I was powerless to stop it. _

"Stop!"

I jolted awake, shooting up in bed as my chest heaved, hand outstretched as if I could stop - 

Upon my movement, Emet-Selch quickly sat up next to me, his breath heavy and uneven.

Had I shouted that aloud?

“Hero?” he murmured, shifting so that he could face me, leaning forward into me as he reached for my hand. I could feel the surprised, erratic beat of his heart against my back.

My own heart pounded in my chest, clothes and hair damp with sweat. I blinked, eyes glued to my hand as he gently threaded his fingers between mine and I watched as it trembled in the after-effects of my dream. Slowly, he lowered our joined hands to my lap and he tightened his arm around me. My eyes began to sting and I felt drops of water fall into my palm. I lifted my fingers to my face to find streams of tears sliding down my cheeks. 

Why was I-?

My thoughts slid easily back to mere moments before as I tried to remember what I had been-

A strangled whine rose up my throat as the terrifying monstrosity that haunted my dream flashed in my mind and I tensed. 

What had it been? I had...known what it was as I slept, though now the name now slipped from my mind.

He surveyed me for a few long, quiet moments as I caught my breath and attempted to calm myself.

"What happened?" he asked, sliding his hand from mine to to brush away the hair that was plastered to my face. Quickly, I sniffed my nose and swiped the tears from my cheeks. 

"I-I don't-," I started, stuttering with an unsteady voice, another sob threatening to slip from my mouth. I clenched my jaw and swallowed it down before my eyes fell to my lap. "A dream," I breathed, pressing my palms to my face.

The blanket started moving, and when I looked up again, he had positioned himself so that he sat against the headboard. His hands gripped my waist and tugged me back into him. When I felt the warmth of his chest spread against me, I relaxed into him with a sigh, focusing on the rise and fall of his chest, trying to match my breathing with his. His arms wrapped around me in a comforting embrace, his cheek pressed to the side of my head. 

"Would you be willing to tell me about it?"

My brow furrowed as I recalled the nightmare again, slowly nodding my head. His hands found mine once more, inserting his fingers between mine.

"A monster," I began, wrapping my hands around his, gripping it tightly. His thumbs gently ran along my knuckles, an attempt to comfort me. "Unlike anything I have ever seen before. Giant and horrifying with claws as large as my entire body, wings and...screaming faces-" I paused, eyes stinging with water again. Emet-Selch stilled behind me, his breath catching as I continued my description. "Mouth like the keys of a piano." My voice wobbled as I watched it fly over my head in my mind's eye. "Fire streaming from its mouth, destroying a magnificent city... _ My _ city? I..."

I felt a tear fall from my lashes. "It was  _ so _ real, I-"

Before I could finish, he released one of my hands and lifted it, catching the drop of water on my cheek. 

"It's alright, my sweet hero," he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to my temple. "You need not continue." I breathed a sigh of relief and nodded, laying my head back against his shoulder, tilting it to the side so my forehead pressed against his neck, letting the steady beat of his heart soothe me. “Do you often have dreams of this magnitude?” 

“No,” I said honestly, shaking my head, though I was confused by the tone of his voice. He spoke as if...as if he hadn’t really asked me a question so much as I was...confirming something he already knew. “I don’t normally sleep deeply enough to warrant nightmares, or at the very least, ones that I can remember. It’s...odd how with you, I… When you’re supposed to be...” My voice trailed off and I didn’t finish my sentence. 

When we were supposed to be  _ enemies. _ And yet, when in his presence I felt at ease. At home. 

He seemed to understand what I meant, nonetheless.

We sat in silence for a long while. He held me tightly, until my breathing was even again. I could tell he was deep in thought- I could almost feel his mind churning, though I was not brave enough to ask what he was thinking. I felt, after the day before, I had reached my limit on uncomfortable questions asked and I didn’t want to push. He...had given me more than I had expected, afterall.

Finally, he lifted his hand to snap and a glass of water appeared in the air before us. He reached forward and grabbed it out of the air, holding it close to my mouth.

"Drink," he ordered and I huffed a laugh, raising my hand to take the cup. I downed most of it before handing it back to him, wondering if he would like the rest. Ascians ate while in their mortal vessels- I could only assume he would need to drink, too. He accepted it, polishing the rest of the liquid off in one swallow before willing the glass away again. "Better?"

I closed my eyes and sighed with a small nod. "I think so," I answered. I opened them again to look down at my hands. The shaking had ceased and I could feel the adrenaline slowly seeping out of me. 

I was hit with a wave of fatigue and I covered my mouth as I yawned. My gaze immediately went to the window, but the curtains were still closed and I had no sense of time. I craned my neck up to peer at the chronometer affixed to the wall above us, but was unable to catch what it read from the angle we were sitting. "Do you know what time it is?" 

"Not yet morning,” he answered. “We can sleep a while longer if you'd like."

With a hum, I nodded again and began shifting out of his arms, turning away from him and lying back down. He followed suit, settling himself against my back, wrapping his arm around my waist. I laid my hand overtop his, threading my fingers between his as I pressed myself against him. 

He squeezed my fingers as he lifted his head, laying small kisses from the back of my neck and up to the shell of my ear. I nuzzled my head into the pillow as he did, a small smile playing on my lips. I let my mind relax once more, his presence grounding me to reality.

“Sleep, hero,” he cooed, breath warm in my ear. A quiet whine escaped me, my eyes drooping closed. 

With the breath of a laugh, he continued, his pace slow and drawn-out as he dragged his lips down my neck once more and across my shoulder. I could feel myself begin to drift off- warm, comfortable, and...safe.

"The Therion," I heard on the edges of my consciousness, the words full of sorrow. “The sum of all our fears.” 

That phrase...I’d heard it before, though I could not put my finger on exactly  _ where.  _ And before I could respond, to inquire further, the world went dark.

When I woke again, Emet-Selch was no longer in bed, and I felt his absence keenly. I furrowed my brow, a slight ache in my chest. 

Had he left? 

I looked around the room, realizing I was still in the apartment, which meant...he was still likely here.

With a deep breath, I slid out of bed and quickly dressed before heading out of the bedroom. I worked on fastening my hair up as I walked down the hallway, eyeing the closed doors I had not bothered to notice the day before.

I found  _ him _ standing in front of the large living room window as I came around the corner, staring out of it with a frown on his lips, one hand lifted to his chin in thought, the other resting on his hip. I moved to join him, trying to catch a view of whatever it was he was looking at, whatever it was he seemed so perplexed over. Maybe I could see a glimpse of what laid beyond while it was exposed- 

But, at the sound of my footsteps, he snapped his fingers, the curtains immediately drawing shut.

I sucked in a sharp breath at the quickness of his movements. He turned to face me, the dismal expression that had previously been on his face now replaced with his easy smile. 

"Why can't I see outside?" I finally asked, my curiosity genuine. Ever since we had brought me here the first time, he had always made sure the windows were covered. What was hiding beyond, I wondered?

He turned his head, peering over his shoulder to the curtains, still swinging from the sudden movement. 

"You will. But not yet." I pursed my lips and shot him a look, crossing my arms over my chest. He chuckled at my reaction. 

"Did you sleep well?" He asked quickly, closing the distance between us and I knew he was trying to distract me. With a shrug of my shoulders, I dropped the subject for now. Afterall, he had been quite open with me lately. If this was something he was not ready to fully share with me yet, I would, of course, wait until he was more comfortable 

"Yeah, I...," I started, but hesitated. 

I lifted one arm, rubbing the back of my neck as I considered his question, a slight flush spreading across my cheeks.

How ridiculous was it that the best sleep I had gotten lately was when he was tucked into bed with me? Even after the nightmare, I felt...well-rested. The seemingly constant tiredness I felt deep in my bones was...nearly gone. 

He nodded his understanding, though I had not admitted as much aloud. 

Why did it seem, at times, like he could see right through me?

“No more nightmares?” A smile tugged at my lips at his quick deflection and I shook my head, averting my eyes to the center of his chest as I dropped my arms to my sides again.

“None.”

"Good,” he sighed, both hands rubbing up and down my biceps. “Would you like to go back to your companions now?" I opened my mouth to agree- though I paused again. 

Did I?

I  _ should _ , yes. But Y'shtola had suggested rest, had she not? Resting...getting away from the mission for a short reprieve... I sighed. I  _ had _ earned a few days, right?

"No, I don't think I’m ready yet," I answered finally, looking back up to him as he patiently awaited my answer. He raised a brow as he watched me. "One more day?"

"One more day," he agreed with a nod, a corner of his mouth tugging upwards. "Is there something in particular you would like to do? You are welcome to stay in the apartment, of course, but if you would prefer a change of scenery..."

I hummed, lifting a finger to my mouth as I thought. 

"Would you...show me something?" I asked. "Anything. You choose."

"Alright," he acquiesced, placing one hand on his hip as he considered some place to take me. 

"Feo Ul!" I called out, turning away from him. A bright light flickered in the apartment a moment later and the faerie king appeared, floating in front of me. 

"My adorable sapling!" they said, cheerfully. "How happy I am that you have finally learned to call on me." I grinned, holding out my hand so that they may perch on my palm. "How is it I can help you today?"

"I hate to use you as a messenger again," I admitted. "But could you go back to the Greatwood again and inform the Scions I will return tomorrow?" Feo Ul's smile dropped immediately. They huffed, crossing their arms over their chest, lifting off of my hand.

"I will not!" they said with an obstinate shake of their head. "Your white-haired friend was livid with the last message I brought to them. I fear he may shoot me straight out of the sky this time!"

I cringed. Of course Thancred would, with his hot temper, make quick, rash decisions, especially when it had to do with Emet-Selch. 

Maybe I should go back, after-

“You are not  _ required _ to tell them anything, you know,” the Ascian said from behind me. The both of us paused and turned to him. Feo Ul flitted to him, circling around him as they examined him, as if they had  _ just _ noticed his presence. The King of the Faeries lifted a hand of their chin in thought before turning to the curtains, looking  _ through _ them.

“You are the one who created this, are you not?” they said, motioning to the window. “It has your essence written all over it.” Emet-Selch furrowed his brow as he considered the pixie in front of him.

“Yes,” he answered shortly. I could tell his patience for the creature was  _ already _ waning. 

“Fascinating,” Feo Ul said with a nod. “I can only imagine how long it took- how much aether expended. But may I ask…” They tapped a long-nailed finger against their chin. “Why did you choose such a dreary locale?” The Ascian bristled.

“I prefer to be left alone, if it is all the same to you,” he answered through a clenched jaw. I raised a brow. 

“What are you- dreary locale?”

The pixie turned to me again, a smile on their face again as they opened their mouth to respond-

I felt the  _ thrum _ of power nearly vibrate the room and Feo Ul stopped short, their mouth snapping shut as they tilted their head in Emet-Selch’s direction, who was eyeing them with a certain murderous intent I had seen in only one other person before- his great-grandson.

“Well,” the faerie started with a nervous laugh. “Maybe I  _ shall _ brave the white-haired one again.” They bowed slightly at the waist and disappeared in a burst of bright light. 

When they were gone, I crossed my arms over my chest, spinning towards the Ascian as he calmed, his dark energy dissipating with the faerie’s absence. He gave me a lazy shrug as his expression softened.

“Hungry, hero?” he asked with no further explanation, passing me as he headed for the kitchen. I rolled my eyes but turned to follow as he conjured food to the table.

A while later, he took my hand and helped me through a portal. 

I took in my surroundings when I appeared on the other side. A large desk with paperwork and small trinkets scattered across its surface, along with a padded chair sat centered in front of a large window that took up the entire back wall, heavy black curtains once more obstructing my view of whatever was beyond. 

Had he brought me to...an office?

One side of the room was lined with books, and on the opposite hung empty wooden frames and blank canvases on an extravagantly decorated wall- black and brown marble with gold inlaid in lines and arcs, glinting in the overhead light. 

I slid my hand out of his as I approached the wall, reaching out to slowly trace the design, the metal cold against my fingers.

The Ascian stood in silence at my back, and I could feel his eyes watching me carefully, barely drawing breath. I realized he had brought me here for a reason, though I was not sure what he wanted from me. 

I paused in front of one of the frames. A sketch flashed in my mind- a robed, masked figure. Long hair, coy smile. A bright, clear laugh flitted into the back of my mind. 

Somehow, I...recognized-

I blinked and the drawing disappeared. When I came back to reality, I had taken the frame from the wall, gripping it tightly with both hands as I stared down into the empty glass. 

_ What _ was going on with me?

Why...was I suddenly feeling the way that I felt? This place... familiar yet still foreign to me. Just like the apartment. And I could tell we were still in the same place, wherever this place was. Despite the drawn curtains, despite not being able to see outside...Somehow, I just  _ knew _ .

I just didn’t understand  _ why. _

_ Why _ he was so gentle with me, so...nice.  _ Why _ he was showing me these things- sides and parts of him that one does not normally show one who is destined to face them on the battlefield. 

He had said I reminded him of the Fourteenth, but just because I reminded him of her didn't mean that I…

I furrowed my brow. 

Unless…

But there was...no way, right?

I blew out an unsteady breath and lifted the wooden frame back onto the wall as I heard him moving towards me. 

“Why did you bring me here?”

He came to a stop next to me, arms folded in front of him as he surveyed one of the blank canvases. 

“Despite my reservations, you said you wanted to know more about me,” he responded. “Before Hydaelyn, before Zodiark...this very room was once where I did my work.”

“As an architect.”

“As  _ the _ Architect.” 

“That is what the  _ title _ of Emet-Selch entails?”

“Yes.”

With a sigh through my nose, I nodded, then turned towards the desk, putting my back to him before my curiosity got the better of me, before I got greedy with the questions I expected answers to.

My hand slid over the smooth surface as my eyes examined the different items he’d left here. 

I huffed an incredulous laugh as my gaze came to a stop on a paperweight in the shape of some type of bird I had never seen before. I lifted it and turned back to him with an amused smile on my face, holding it up for him to see.

“Ah, yes. It was a gift from a student I once had,” he explained with a shrug and I looked at it again, holding it closer to my face as I turned it over in my hand.

“Gods,” I chuckled. “What in the world  _ is _ it?” He tilted his head.

“A shoebill.”

“ _ Shoebill _ ? Certainly lives up to its name. It’s so... _ ugly. _ ”

“I take it you are not a fan?” Emet-Selch asked me as he took a seat on the corner of the desk. 

“Who would be when it looks like this?” A fond smile spread across his lips, his gaze landing on the small sculpture in my hand.

“That student was quite proud of it.”

“The paperweight?”

“No, the bird.” I furrowed my brow, unable to grasp what he was saying.

“So they...created the bird? I don’t-”

“ _ She _ never liked it, either,” he said in lieu of a response to my question. I eyed him for a moment before shaking my head, focusing once more on the shoebill figurine.

“The Fourteenth?” He hummed in affirmation. “I’m finding it hard to  _ not _ agree with her.” He chuckled.

“Yes, I felt the same way.”

“Then why keep it? Of all the students and gifts you must have had...right out in the open?”

“To spite you,” he shot at me, the playfulness clear in his tone. 

Immediately, my smile faltered, my heart skipping a beat. I lowered my hand as I stared at him in confusion. His brow furrowed at my reaction. 

Was I...

“... _ Me _ ?” I asked, though my words sounded...otherworldly. His eyes widened a small amount, his lips parting. My vision pulsed and I blinked rapidly, trying to clear the sudden blurriness. 

No, not now-

“ _ Her _ ,” he amended, though his voice was muffled, echoing on the edges of my mind as a sharp pain throbbed behind my eyes. I vaguely caught the  _ thump _ on the floor as the paperweight slid from between my fingers and onto the floor as my hands flew to my head. I whimpered, my vision going dark for a moment. 

When the pain subsided, I was still standing in the office but...something was different. 

A memory, I realized. The Echo...but…

“ _ What in the world is this?” I asked suddenly, plucking the same figurine from the same place on the desk.  _

_ “A shoebill,” a familiar voice said. My face contorted, my expression the same, unbelieving look I had given him mere moments before in the present.  _

I recognized him, even with the mask hiding his face and the hood covering his hair, as he sat in the large chair behind the desk. 

_ “Is this a new concept?” _

_ “Yes, one of my old students came up with it,” he answered, standing from his seat. “And I approved it.” _

He approved…?

_ I scoffed, inspecting it closer as he came around the desk. “Couldn’t they have made it a bit more attractive?” He wrapped his arms around me, chin resting on my shoulder.  _

_ “I take it you don’t like it, then?” _

This...this conversation. It was…

_ “Who would? It’s positively haunting.”  _

_ He chuckled, reaching to take it from me. He gingerly set it back down on top of the same papers it had previously been. _

_ “I suppose I will just have to keep it then, if only to scare you,” he teased. I clicked my tongue and rolled my eyes, but leaned back into him as he nudged my hood away with his nose, pressing a small kiss to the side of my neck.  _

I sucked in a sharp breath as I was thrust back into the present. I was no longer on my feet but on my knees, leaning over with my hands supporting me on the floor. 

As my vision cleared, I looked around frantically for the Ascian, my whole body beginning to tremble. 

This was- I was-

_ What _ had just happened?

My breathing became shallow as I tried to make sense of what I had just seen.

I  _ was _ her. I’d never- That wasn’t how-

I felt a hand under my chin, gently directing me to turn my head. I locked eyes with Emet-Selch’s, his expression grim as he knelt in front of me, examining my face carefully.

“The Echo?” he inquired, knowingly. I swallowed hard and released an unsteady breath as I nodded. 

“It…,” I started, brow furrowing in confusion as I searched for the words, my heart pounding in my ears. “Normally, the memory is…It’s like I’m watching from the outside. But...this time, it was…”

“Your own.”

“But it was an Echo,” I insisted, shaking my head quickly. “It was  _ your _ memory. How can I- That’s not how-” He sighed, releasing my chin. His gaze dropped to the shoebill, still lying on the ground. With the same hand, he picked it up. 

“It was from my mind, yes,” he explained as he turned it over, examining it. “But the memory was your own.” 

What? But...there’s  _ no way _ . There was no possibility- How-?

I felt tears of frustration rise to my eyes, overwhelmed by this place, by his words-

“I don’t...I don’t understand,” I nearly sobbed. He raised his gaze back to mine, his eyes full of despair and pity. 

“I know you don’t, hero.” His lips pulled into a thin line. “And it is for that reason that I cannot explain it to you. Not yet.”

I sucked in a shaky breath, my chin trembling as he stood, placing the bird back onto the desk. My fingers fisted in the carpet and I looked down as I tried to keep myself from breaking fully. Panic filled my mind, thoughts flying quickly through my head, though I was no closer to the answers I sought.

These dreams...these visions. Why now? Why...why so  _ quickly _ ? Why only around  _ him _ ? 

Was...was I right? Was I somehow…?

The way he treated me...I...

I desperately wanted to know. He  _ had _ the answers. I  _ knew _ he did. 

Why? Why wouldn’t he just  _ tell me _ ? Was he, for some reason, afraid that I would not be able to handle the truth?

What did I have to do? How could I prove myself to him? I-

“I know,” he said softly. My eyes shot back up to him. He was crouched in front of me again, his expression soft but sad as he searched my face. “I  _ know  _ how badly you want to understand. You have  _ no idea _ how badly I, too, want...” He sighed, shaking his head. “It matters not what  _ I _ want. The burden of truth is…” He paused again, jaw ticking as his mind turned.

“Is what?” I asked, my voice wobbly. My face began to crumple as my mind just  _ kept spinning _ , tears threatening to spill over. His gaze fell to my hands and he sighed again.

“I promise you, Warrior of Light,” he began again, this time with a certain conviction in his voice I could not recall hearing before. “There  _ will _ come a day when you can know  _ everything _ .”

He reached out to me, cradling my cheek in his hand as his thumb stroked my skin. I closed my eyes, a quiet sob escaping me as I leaned into his palm as the water floating in my eyes fell.

How  _ badly _ I wanted to believe him. To  _ trust _ him...

He sat back on the carpet then, removing his hand from my face and pulling me into his lap. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, tucking me under his chin, waiting patiently as I cried the confusion and frustration away. 

Only when I had calmed and we were sitting quietly, did he finally speak again. 

“That’s enough for today. I fear, in my selfishness, I pushed you to your limit,” he whispered with finality. I still didn’t understand, but I didn’t have it in me to ask again. “Would you prefer the apartment or... the Greatwood?”

I opened my eyes at his tone to catch whatever expression he had on his face. It seemed...stoic. But in his eyes, I thought I could see...a spark of hopefulness that made my heart flutter, no matter how overwhelmed and confused I was. 

“Apartment,” I breathed. One corner of his mouth tugged upward an infinitesimal amount and he nodded. 

The Ascian helped me to my feet, then pulled me through a portal and back into the bedroom. 


	18. Emet-Selch

“Rest awhile, hero, and when you’ve sufficiently recovered, I’ll prepare us something to eat.”

The Warrior of Light breathed a laugh, shaking her head as she began to walk toward the door. 

“I’m fine,” she repeated, perhaps for the third time since we had emerged in the bedroom. This time, at least, the color had returned to her cheeks and her voice was steady. 

I sighed with no shortage of frustration at her stubbornness as she slowly pulled open the door. She paused, looking over her shoulder while flashing me a coy smile. 

“You’re not _worried_ about me, are you?”

“I am,” I replied and watched as she faltered, her brow furrowing. “It may come as a surprise to you, Warrior of Light, but I truly am invested in your wellbeing.”

She frowned, turning in place, the lighting from the hall through the open doorway casting a warm glow around her. My eyes slid to her chest, observing her soul once more.

I frequently caught myself checking on her, taking stock of the damage, taking measure of its progress. I could not help but worry that reliving the memories perhaps hastened the process, though I had no evidence to support such a theory. 

My gaze snagged on the smallest erosion at the surface, an infinitesimally tiny piece missing from the edge. I furrowed my brow. Was it new? Or had it, perhaps, always been missing since the damage first began? Either was possible, but since the Light churned now with less velocity than before, I could only hope it was the latter. 

And yet, despite my attempts to calm my mind, despite my hopes to protect her and stay the damage, I felt my frustration mounting that I could do nothing more than monitor the Light as it continued to churn.

Like a monster sated for the time being until it hungered again, seeking passage to find refuge within her, stretching it further with each passing moment.

Soon, her soul would reach its limit, and another crack would appear, the Light continuing to take advantage of the instability and using it as an entryway until it shattered altogether.

All that would remain would be the Light incarnated into a Warden beyond compare, with little to no recollection of who or what she was. And eventually, she would give into the hunger for more aether, driven mad until she was but a shade, a ghastly imitation, whose sole purpose would be to feast.

Weeks ago, I would not have minded such a fate.

But now… 

Could she feel it? Was it painful and she simply tried to hide it?

“But…” Her eyes searched mine from across the room. “ _Why?”_

“Is it such an unthinkable concept, hero? That someone would genuinely look out for you?”

“That a man who not long ago would have proclaimed himself my enemy is _looking out_ for me? Yes.”

I clicked my tongue, forcing the corners of my mouth into a smirk as I began to close the distance between us. “Oh, _please_. Do you mean to suggest that we are no longer enemies?”

She looked away from me quickly, though I caught a glimpse of the uncertainty within her eyes at my words. “Aren’t we? Enemies?”

When I reached her, I raised a hand to her shoulder, slowly infusing some of my dark aether into her, watching as it enveloped her. The vicious roiling of the Light with her increased heart rate came to a halt, the tension in her body seeming immediately to dissipate. 

“No, Warrior of Light,” I whispered as she breathed a sigh with the comfort the contact brought, her eyes lifting to meet mine once more. “We are not.”

Slowly, I slid my hand to rest on the side of her neck, my thumb gently stroking the angle of her jaw. Her eyes fluttered shut as she raised her hands up to grip the fur of my overcoat. 

“Surely you feel the connection between us,” I continued, leaning in close so that my lips barely brushed against hers with each word. 

The air between us grew thick, her breathing shallow as she sucked her lower lip between her teeth. She drew her eyebrows together with a barely discernible nod.

“We are anything but enemies now, my dear hero,” I murmured as I took a final step toward her, my arm wrapping around her to pull her flush against me. I placed the hand that cradled the side of her neck to gently grip her chin, tilting her face up toward mine.

And though I wanted nothing more than to press my lips to hers, with her lips slightly parted, her eyes widened with what I could assume was anticipation… as I slowly searched her face, taking in its remaining pallor, the slightest traces of redness the tears she shed brought to her eyes, I found the desire that welled within me was quickly snuffed out.

I sighed, and took a step back, letting my hand fall from her chin to my side.

“You should eat,” I said softly, turning my head to look out of the room as I released her. 

Before she could protest, I made for the kitchen, listening carefully for her soft footfalls. After a moment, she sighed but began to follow me nonetheless. 

As I began to rummage the cabinets in the kitchen, I heard her footsteps stop at the doorway. The leather of her outfit creaked as she crossed her arms, and I could feel her eyes on me as I removed a saucepan and placed it upon the stove.

“You’re going to cook.” A statement, not a question. 

“I am,” I replied, turning to open a drawer and removing several utensils.

“By _hand_?” she asked, with no attempt to mask the incredulity from her voice.

“So it would seem,” I muttered dryly, snapping my fingers to create an assortment of ingredients upon the counter. As I began to sort them, pulling onions from a bag, the Warrior of Light fell silent.

“All this time everything you’ve ever done has been magic. And now you decide to cook. _Manually_ ,” she finally breathed and I heard her footsteps once more before the sound of a chair scraping against the tiled flooring of the kitchen. “Remarkable.”

“I’m sure you’d find it interesting how much we deigned to do by hand in a time before time, hero.”

“Perhaps I wouldn’t be as surprised if you’d be a little more forthcoming,” she teased. But despite the apparent playfulness of her tone, I could make out the slightest hint of honesty behind her words. 

“Do _you_ find it easy to discuss your lost loved ones? Shall I pick at your wounds in return?” I bit out before sighing at the edge of my tone, shaking my head at my own frustration. _She was no longer lost,_ I reminded myself as I focused my attention to preparing the food. _She just needs more time._

My motions were rough as I began to dice the onions before adding them to the already heated oil in the saucepan, their sizzle instantaneously breaking the stiff silence of the kitchen that followed the harshness of my words. 

“Can… I ask you something?” she whispered from the table, and I looked over my shoulder at her to see her leaning forward, arms folded on the table in front of her, her chin resting on the back of her forearm.

I turned back to the pot in front of me, slowly stirring the contents. “Not another question about my desire to manually do something, I hope?” I quipped, and she breathed a laugh.

“There’s still so much about you that I don’t know,” she retorted, a smile evident in her voice. “You just shocked me, that’s all. I don’t know what I expected. I can’t say I can picture _Lahabrea_ cooking.”

I hummed, shrugging my shoulders as I allowed the annoyance that had welled within me to dissolve. “I suppose that’s fair, Warrior of Light. However, I feel compelled to remind you that there are facets to each of us Ascians that you have not been privy to. But very well, ask your question.”

She took a slow breath. “Well, I’m not sure how to explain it,” she started, and I could hear her shift her position, now tapping her fingers against the wood of the table. “I could be imagining it.”

I slowly began to add more ingredients into the saucepan, allowing her to collect her thoughts when she did not continue before lowering the heat to allow it to simmer. With a sigh, I turned, leaning against the counter as I observed her staring down at the table with a furrowed brow.

“It’s just… being around you seemed to… awaken something in me,” she murmured before groaning and burying her face in her hands. “I almost feel stupid saying it out loud.”

“As in these things you are seemingly remembering?” I asked, my voice soft as I considered if I should reveal the truth to her. 

“No. I mean, yes, maybe, but…” She slowly lowered her hands. “When we are… _intimate_. There’s a… feeling I’ve never felt before.” I watched as redness seeped into her cheeks. 

“And yet,” she continued, placing her hands in her lap as she leaned back and looked up at the ceiling as she finished in a whisper. “Achingly familiar.” 

I tilted my head, wondering what she could be alluding to before she placed her hand over her heart and realization filled my mind. 

“Ah, I see,” I whispered and her eyes snapped to mine. I cleared my throat.

“What… is it?”

“It’s difficult to explain,” I murmured, bringing my hand to my chin. “You’ve done it in return once without realizing.”

She furrowed her brow.

“In the throes of passion,” I purred with a smirk, watching as the redness of her face increased. I lowered my hand and let my expression turn serious, exhaling a slow sigh. “The difference is I _know_ what I do. I unknowingly allowed myself to get... carried away, and for that, I must apologize.”

“I don’t understand what it was that happened to begin with,” she said, looking down at her hands.

“Our souls brushed against one another,” I explained and she slowly looked up at me again. “If you are careless with such things, you can leave a trace upon the other’s soul, blatantly broadcasting the nature of your… coupling to those with the ability to see.”

“The ability to see?”

“Souls, their hues and densities,” I offered and she pursed her lips with visible confusion despite my attempts to explain.

“You have it, I guess. Since you mentioned the color of Y’shtola’s soul.”

“Yes,” I confirmed with a sigh. “There are those gifted with such an ability, one which we call the Sight. I am one, Elidibus another to a lesser degree, though he is still adept. I’ve yet to encounter a Sundered being who has it, but perhaps those strong in the Echo could awaken it.”

She fell silent as she considered my words. “Is that why you’re always… looking here?” she gripped the material of her shirt more tightly into a fist. “To see my soul?”

I nodded slowly. “It is difficult to observe it beneath all the Light that comes from your Blessing, though all that aether certainly does not help. But yes, hero, that is why I’m frequently examining you.”

“Could you try? To explain it?” she asked, leaning forward once more and I lowered my hand from my chin, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Ordinarily,” I started, blowing out a slow breath. “Your soul is confined to your vessel, tethered to it and it cannot leave.”

“Ordinarily,” she repeated. “But Ascians do not have permanent vessels.”

“Indeed, we do not. Lost to time and we have since adapted.”

“So is it something to do with your ability to do that?” she asked and I shook my head.

“Your friends, too, have been taken from their bodies. Despite their detachment from their vessels upon the Source, I do not believe they would be able to experience such a thing,” I replied and she brought a hand to her chin, tilting her head. 

“Then, does it have to do with corporeal possession?”

“No, that is an inherent result of the circumstances to our existence,” I murmured, watching as her eyes unfocused, a small wrinkle appearing between her brow. A corner of my mouth tilted up as I watched her try to grapple with the information she had been given and that which she believed she already knew.

But when she looked toward me once more, it was clear that she had not yet grasped the entire meaning behind my words: that our souls were bound in servitude, that they persisted even when our bodies could not. I sighed before I continued to speak.

“It’s not the same sensation, if you recall, to the time I attempted to transfer my soul to your body.”

She nodded slowly with a slight grimace at the reminder. “Right. That was… uncomfortable and seemed painful for you.”

“Whereas the _other_ experience was neither of those things,” I said, matter-of-factly.

She cleared her throat as she averted her gaze, suddenly fixated on a cupboard. “But if my soul is confined to my body, how did I do it ‘in return’?”

I hummed, pursing my lips as I considered her question. “It’s hard to say, Warrior of Light. Yes, your soul is confined to your vessel, just as mine is technically confined within this one. _Your_ soul cannot freely leave as mine can, but that is not to say that it cannot _reach_ beyond the bounds of your body. My best guess is that you did it instinctually.”

I lamented being unable to give her a concrete answer to her questions, but this was admittedly uncharted territory for both of us. Perhaps her soul remembered more than her mind, recognizing mine with its proximity. Maybe it merely reached out for its long-lost partner just as mine had done.

She nodded slowly, sliding her gaze to meet mine once more. “Could you show me?”

“So eager to return to the bedroom already?” I asked with an arched a brow, the corners of my lips curling up. “We haven’t even eaten.”

Immediately, the dwindling flush in her cheeks returned with a vengeance, and she crossed her arms over her chest, leaning back in the seat with a huff. 

“Nevermind then,” she muttered. “If you’re just going to tease me.”

I chuckled, pushing off from the counter to approach her. When I came to a stop behind her, I leaned forward, bringing my lips to her ear. 

“Come on, hero,” I breathed, placing my hands on her shoulders. “You should be used to this sort of playful banter by now.”

She turned her face away from me, slumping further into the seat, prompting me to roll my eyes as I reached for her chin to turn her face toward me.

“Don’t be stubborn,” I chided, searching her eyes. “If you truly wish for me to show you, I will.”

She slowly shifted to sit up once more, turning to give me a slight nod. 

“Yes,” she whispered. “I would like it if you showed me.”

I stood upright once more, taking a step back and offering her my hand. She hesitated a moment before accepting it, and I gently coaxed her to stand as I came to stand beside her. 

When she was standing, I tugged on her hand to turn her toward me and pull her flush against me. A surprised yelp escaped her and I breathed a laugh, releasing her hand to place mine against the small of her back, my other hand cupping the side of her face. 

She looked up at me with her lips parted, her eyes widened with alarm.

“Apologies,” I whispered, my eyes slowly searching hers as my thumb brushed against her cheekbone. “It does not explicitly _require_ bedroom activities, though the physical proximity makes it easier.”

She visibly swallowed and I took a deep breath as I let my eyelids slide shut, my hand moving to her hair as I tucked her head under my chin. Her soul in her chest thrummed against my own, the energy that it contained palpable and I slowly ran my fingers through her hair to try to alleviate the tension that coursed through her.

“You’re too tense, Warrior of Light,” I said softly, gently rubbing her back. “Relax into me.”

She exhaled a slow breath, nodding slightly before she started breathing more slowly, taking deliberately drawn-out breaths in an attempt to calm herself. When I could feel the delineation between the edges of my soul and hers begin to blur with her relaxation, I slowly, tentatively reached out toward her.

The sensation was notably different than when we Ascians attempted to take control of a body, in which the soul physically enters the vessel with the intention of corporeal manipulation. This was… delicate. Intimate. Not in an attempt to overrule it, but in an attempt to embrace it.

The beating of my heart moved in synchrony with the pulsating of my soul as it steadily brushed against hers. A shiver coursed through her body and she slumped into me as her knees appeared to buckle. I breathed a laugh as I tightened my hold around her waist. 

“Careful,” I murmured, tilting my head down to press my lips to her forehead. “Don’t enjoy yourself too much.”

Immediately, the warmth of her soul increased with her embarrassment and she straightened in my grasp. The tensing of her body caused her soul to push back against mine, its intrusion unwanted. I clicked my tongue, shaking my head at the loss of contact, the soothing feeling of the proximity of my essence with hers abruptly cut short. 

“Alright, alright,” I conceded. “I won’t tease you any longer on the matter. Relax again.” When she did not, I sighed. “Please, hero.”

She gave me a stiff nod against my chest as she settled back into my embrace. When my soul made contact with hers again, the reaction was not as extreme. She hummed at the feeling, a soft sigh slipping from her. I could feel her contentedness, the warmth of her joy radiating throughout the connection between us, filling me in a way I had not had the opportunity to experience for an immeasurable amount of time.

The minutes passed in silence as we stood in the kitchen of the Amaurot recreation, a soul so familiar to me so very close to mine once again. In this room, in our home. Food on the stove as we simply soaked each other’s company just as we always had.

Something about my thoughts, about the feelings that filled me and reached her through the connection between us, made her tilt her head up to press a soft kiss to the angle of my jaw. A tender motion not meant for one who not long ago had stood at odds with her.

I pulled my head back to look down to meet my eyes with hers. She frowned slightly, and I could feel the soft pulse of the genuine sadness that filled her. 

“I’m sorry I don’t know how to reciprocate,” she whispered.

I shook my head. “Perhaps, with time, you will be able to of your own volition. For now, this is enough. What does it feel like for you?”

“It feels… safe. Comforting. Warm, like a good blanket wrapped around me in front of the fire in the wintertime,” she explained and a corner of my mouth tilted up. “I wish I could-”

“The comfort is the same,” I interjected with another shake of my head, giving her a gentle squeeze as a jolt of sadness coursed through her. “The warmth as well, though merely… as if I was outside of the blanket, but still sharing the fire. But as I said, this is enough, having spent so long without such a feeling.”

Her expression fell as she focused on the collar of my jacket. “Why not share it with someone else?”

I tensed slightly at the question, prompting her gaze to raise to meet mine again. 

“I could not,” I whispered in response after a long moment passed in silence between us. “Nor would I want to.”

She slowly slid her hands up from where they had found purchase on my chest to place them on either side of my face, tilting her head with the slightest hint of sadness that danced her eyes, though it was palpable between us just the same. 

“Then… why with me?”

“I…” I averted my gaze to the side, feeling as my lips pulled into a firm line. I shook my head slightly, feeling her thumbs brush against the skin beneath my eyes tenderly. Coaxing me to look at her without words. 

“It’s alright,” she whispered when I finally slid my eyes down to meet hers. “You don’t have to tell me.”

I was sure she could feel the relief that surged through me, my returned calmness allowing her to feel more of what I did. She slid her hands down to find purchase on my shoulders, her mind clearly churning as she considered her next words. 

“I’d like to learn how,” she said softly. “Could you try to teach me?”

I pursed my lips, opening my mouth to reject her request, but her deepening frown gave me pause. Of course she could feel my intention, connected as we were. I sighed before giving her a small nod. Her expression immediately brightened, the smile that spread across her lips causing an increased warmth between us. 

“It may be difficult. You might not get it right away.”

Her resolve hardened with my words, eliciting a chuckle from me with a small shake of my head. Beneath the surface, I could make out barely contained excitement, eagerness surging with each moment. She never was one to back down from a challenge, a trait she has apparently retained.

“I’m unsure how in tune with your soul and your aether you are,” I admitted. “Can you discern one from the other?”

“My aether, yes,” she said as she tilted her head, furrowing her brow in thought. After a moment, she shook her head. “I… never thought to _feel_ for my soul.”

I hummed with a nod. “Therein will lie the crux of discovering how to form a connection. It may be easier now, though, given the… irregularity of your soul at the moment.”

“Is it worse than before?” she asked quietly with a slight frown, and I shook my head in response.

“There has not been substantial progress in its condition, no. But this experience of yours can possibly work in our favor, loathe as I am to admit it. When you feel the churning of the Light, you appear to be in some discomfort. What is it, exactly, that you feel?”

“It’s… a burning sensation,” she explained, lowering her hands to place them atop my heart. “Here. But deep within me.”

I nodded stiffly. “The place where the burn is the most intense, where the discomfort stems from and radiates… that is your soul. Perhaps now that you’re experiencing this intrusion from the Light, you can more easily discern how it lies separate from your aether?”

“Yes,” she confirmed. “It feels like… the Light is coating it. It thrashes sometimes and the burning gets worse.”

“Can you feel _your own_ aether, separate from the Light of the Wardens? It will be more closely associated with your soul, but still distinct.” 

She furrowed her brow, letting her eyes flutter shut as she concentrated on my explanation. I could feel her aether churning as she tried to conjure it forth, feel it dissipate as she searched for the delineation I described.

“If you can search deep within yourself,” I continued in a whisper, to not break her concentration. “If you can bring yourself to distinguish between your aether and that which lies deeper, I can teach you how to make a soul connection.”

It did not take nearly as long as I expected, and I could tell she had found it before I saw the triumph in her eyes as she slid them open to meet my gaze. Her heartbeat had quickened with her excitement. 

“I think I found it,” she breathed. “When you close your eyes, and you search within, is it… a beacon deep beneath the sea of aether?”

“Yours likely is,” I replied. “Everyone’s soul is perceived uniquely, both to themselves and to those around them. If that is what you see, separate from the aether that you know to be your own, then yes, Warrior of Light, you did find it.”

The next several moments were spent trying to explain the sensation of reaching deep within oneself to call upon the soul itself, and how to project it to go beyond the bounds of the body. 

To her credit, she seemed to be more in tune with her aether than I had initially expected, something she proudly attributed to her intense training both as a conjurer and an arcanist. She admitted not having a particularly easy time with thaumaturgy. Still, she had enough of an understanding of it that she was able to apply it to her ability to manipulate aether. Such a profound understanding brought from so much studying on the nature of aether made it easier for her to discern where aether ended and the soul itself began.

Eventually, slowly, I could see as she reached deep within herself how the soul began to rouse with her attempts to follow my instructions. Her brow was deeply furrowed with her focus, eyes clenched tightly shut as she held her breath.

“Relax, hero,” I reminded her. “If you tense too much, it will be harder. It will happen naturally with time. You needn’t try to accomplish it all in one sitting.”

She shook her head quickly, a sheen of sweat breaking out upon her brow as she exhaled the breath she had been holding. 

“I’ve… almost got it. I think.”

“You’ve spent your entire life trying to excel at everything you do, haven’t you?” I mused. She huffed a strangled laugh, which turned into a frustrated groan as her concentration broke.

“Just… shush,” she muttered, taking another deep breath as she wrapped her arms around me, to bring her soul closer to mine. “Give me a minute. No commentary.”

I chuckled and she tightened her hold on me for a moment in warning. 

“As you wish,” I acquiesced with a nod.

She fell silent and I could practically feel her mind churning as she focused intently on the task at hand. She took another deep breath, trying to rid herself of the tension that had built in her muscles with the sheer mental and physical strain she was causing herself.

Suddenly, she gasped. 

And not a moment later, I felt her. The warmth and familiarity of her soul as it approached my own, as it hesitantly brushed against mine. My breath caught in my throat, and she breathed a laugh, her hands grabbing the back of my jacket into fists as she continued to reach out ilm by ilm. I let her explore, take her time, trying to remain still and calm despite my eagerness to return her affections.

Her tenderness, the gentleness as she practiced her newly rediscovered abilities nearly threatened to bring tears to my eyes. She knew, it would seem, how significant this was, how pivotal this could be toward discovering the truth and she had refused to back down for fear of losing momentum.

And yet… knowing she likely could not maintain it, knowing that she was not who she once was…

I exhaled an unsteady breath, shifting slightly to press my forehead against hers. 

“You feel… sad,” she observed, her voice wavering with the emotions she could feel with the newfound closeness.

“I am,” I confirmed in a whisper. “For many reasons.”

“The first time I experienced this sensation, I… saw a memory,” she said, speaking barely above a whisper as well. “Two figures embracing, a city aflame.”

I swallowed heavily, nodding slightly. “The Final Days,” I offered without more explanation.

“You held her this way,” she concluded. “The Fourteenth.”

“I did,” I replied, trying to keep the tension at bay that was welling within me. I pursed my lips, taking a deep breath as I considered the implications of such memories awakening within her. 

Finally, I sighed, pulling my head back and locking my eyes with hers, staring at them intently as I steeled myself. 

“Hero, there’s something you should know. About these memories.”

I paused, watching as her expression changed with a realization that occurred to her. Did she understand the truth? Did she make the connection that my aether was the cause of the rapid awakening of her memories? Would she assume that I had been fabricating them? 

“I don’t… just _remind_ you of her,” she said with finality, revealing the epiphany that was not at all what I expected. Not so soon after the day’s events, not without more time for her to process that which had occurred. And yet… somehow, I found I was not surprised. “Do I?”

With her question, the bubble of comfort that surrounded us immediately burst. I tensed further, sliding my hands to grab her arms and wrench them away from me. 

“That’s enough,” I muttered, the connection between us severed, leaving a cold and lonely sensation deep in my chest. 

Though I had expected an eventual realization, that she would one day come to connect the dots and realize the truth of her past, of our circumstances, I was not prepared for it to occur so soon. I was not ready to discuss such things, and truthfully, despite her insistence to ask questions and to learn more… neither was she.

“Wait-” 

I took a step back, turning my gaze to the stove. “It’ll burn if I neglect it any longer.”


	19. Warrior of Light

As he stepped away from me and turned back to the stove, the sensation of his soul pulling away from me left an opening in my chest- an intense ache of loneliness I couldn’t ever recall feeling so profoundly before. I furrowed my brow and opened my mouth to say something, though truthfully, I didn’t know what I  _ could _ say. 

All I wanted was answers, but he was, for some reason, unwilling or unable to give me them.

I lifted my hand to my chest and closed my mouth, averting my eyes to the tiled floor with a sigh as his spatula scraped against the pan.

And so, I was left to try and sort things out on my own. 

Ever since that first night spent in the Crystarium, he had  _ always _ looked upon me with a certain fondness that, as a stranger, should have been absent. He had admitted to me that his methods had all but changed since meeting me.

He said that he  _ cared _ for me when, rightly, as my enemy, he should want to destroy me. 

I felt tears sting my eyes. 

Had I guessed correctly? Was I... _ her _ ? 

After all of these visions I’d had, between the Echo and the dreams. In all but the first, I had  _ been _ ...someone from his past, not merely a spectator. At first, it was easy to dismiss them as  _ only _ dreams but...after today...

I looked up to him again, fisting clenching in my shirt as I watched him finish cooking. 

And now he was pulling away from me. Why? He had...almost revealed something to me, I was sure of it. Had my question somehow caught him off-guard? Was that not what he had been wanting to tell me?

If not, then... _ what _ had he wanted to confess?

Surely, if I was right...and I  _ was _ the Fourteenth reincarnated...even fragmented as I was he would...be happy, wouldn’t he?

Just how was  _ any _ of this possible? I still didn’t understand. 

_ And it’s for that reason that I cannot explain it to you. Not yet _ , his voice repeated in my head, clanging through every crevice. 

When would I understand? How would I know if I was ready?

My vision blurred as my eyes unfocused, my thoughts swirling around my mind in a torrent of words and scenarios that didn’t make sense to me. I could feel the Light churn in my chest the more agitated I got, the Darkness he had wrapped around my aether to help calm me sizzling out quickly.

Suddenly, I felt a hand on mine, gently prompting me to relax my fingers. When I had, he brushed it away and laid it over my chest. The coolness of his power permeated my skin, filtering into my body as it nestled itself over the burning energy of the Lightwardens. 

I sagged in relief, exhaling a long sigh before blinking, forcing my mind to clear.

Getting agitated would not help me. 

When I looked to him again, his expression was hard despite the softness he used with me, frowning down at me, eyes glued to my soul. When the roiling had quieted, he slowly slid his gaze back to mine and motioned to the table at my side. I looked down and found two plates full of the food he had just made. 

“Sit, hero,” he instructed. I took a deep, steadying breath and nodded my head before easing myself back down into my chair. 

Our meal was quiet. He glowered into his food for most of it, occasionally looking up to me for a moment before moving his attention elsewhere. 

When I had finished half of my plate, I realized the Ascian had neglected to bring us something to drink. 

Without thinking, I pushed my chair back and stood. His eyes shot to me immediately, confusion in his expression. 

“Water,” I said, simply. Realization lit on his face and he raised his hand to snap, but I held mine out to stop him. “It’s...okay. I’ll get it.” 

He opened his mouth to respond, but I spun on my heels, moving to the suspended cabinet next to the sink where we usually kept the cups. I lifted my arm to open the cupboard when my brow furrowed.

_ Where we usually kept the cups? _

My eyes widened.

How did I-

My vision pulsed, a sharp pain forming behind my eyes. 

Oh, Gods. Again, so soon?

I gripped the door to the cabinet as I leaned against the counter, a pained whimper escaping my lips as my mind transitioned back into the Echo. On the other side of the room, I heard a his chair scrape against the floor before-

_ A curse. _

_ “What is it?” I asked, raising my fork to my mouth. _

_ “I forgot the drinks,” Emet-Selch’s voice said. I blinked, trying to clear my thoughts as I let the memory play out.  _

When my eyesight cleared, I realized we were at the very same table I had just been sitting at in the present. __

_ The Ascian began to stand and I shot my hand out, waving for him to stay put. _

_ “Mm,” I protested as I swallowed my food and set my fork onto my plate, quickly standing from my seat, smiling sweetly at the man sitting across from me. “I’ll get it. You went through the trouble of making the food, after all.”  _

_ He opened his mouth to argue, but I stepped around the table, leaning down to place a slow kiss onto his lips as he relaxed back into his chair. He hummed with delight, one hand moving to brush back the hair that had fallen over my shoulder and cradling my cheek for a brief moment before I pulled my mouth from his, grinning as I backed my way into the kitchen.  _

_ “What a tease you are, my love,” he quipped and I breathed a laugh. _

_ “I’m thirsty,” I replied, feigning a whine as I reached into the cabinet for two glasses. I filled them both with water before making my way back to the dinner I was sharing with him. _

_ “So, did you have a good day?” _

All too suddenly, I was thrust back into the present once more.

I found myself leaning against the sink, both hands gripping the edge of the counter so tightly, my nails were bending against the marble and my whole body was shaking. I gulped down deep breaths as I tried to orient myself in the apartment that belonged to…

To-

Emet-Selch was at my side in a moment, gripping my chin and turning it towards him, inspecting me very carefully. 

“Even being here is too much for you, Warrior of Light,” he insisted, quietly. “I’ll deliver you back to the Greatwood and your Scion companions.”

He released my chin and I sighed, offering him a compliant nod. 

“Okay,” I relented, voice no higher than a whisper. He raised a brow as if he had expected me to argue, but I pursed my lips together for a moment. I had come to realize that, perhaps, he was right, and no matter how stubborn I was, I knew when it was not worth fighting. 

Ever since his presence became a constant in my life, I’d been having these dreams, these...flashbacks that I couldn’t explain. But, being in this apartment...wherever this was, seemed to exacerbate...whatever was happening to me. 

As badly as I wanted to stay, as badly as I didn’t want to face my friends just yet, I had a feeling I wouldn’t get much rest by being there.

And truly, I was  _ exhausted _ . My mind, my body...my everything. And to think I had woken up feeling well-rested.

“You’re right,” I admitted. He nodded slowly and offered me his hand. I lowered my eyes and accepted it, the silence between us filling with the hum of his portal. I let him easily pull me through and into the room I had been occupying in Fanow. 

I dropped his hand and looked down at the bed, covers still drawn back in my negligence to tidy up. 

“You should rest,” he insisted. I bit my bottom lip, but nodded again. 

With a quiet groan, I sat down on the edge of the mattress and began unbuckling my boots, setting them neatly on the floor next to the bed frame. I looked up at him again as he watched me prepare myself to sleep. “Are you...going to…?”

He sighed through his nose, a sad smile tugging at his lips. He took a few steps closer to me and took my chin in his palm, tilting my head up as he leaned down towards me. He pressed a soft kiss to my forehead and straightened once more.

“If that’s what you wish, my sweet hero.” My gaze dropped to my lap.

“Please.”

He hummed his agreement and, once I had gotten into the bed, slid in after me, holding me until I fell asleep.

When I woke, the light was fading as night descended upon the Wood, and Emet-Selch was gone. The only sign of him left in my room was the single gold and pearl earring he always wore lying on my nightstand and a slip of paper with elegant writing on it.

_ I’ve matters to attend to, but I’ve imbued enough of my aether within this earring to keep you comfortable until my return, assuming, of course, that you do not absorb another Lightwarden in my absence.  _

_ Safe travels, hero. _

My stomach twisted with loneliness at the thought that he wouldn’t be by my side for a while.

When I lifted the earring by the peg to inspect it closer, I could feel the dark energy thrumming inside of it. I hesitated for a moment, thinking of what the Scions would think. Would they...notice? I pursed my lips. Certainly, Thancred would. But...if I explained to them…

With a sigh, I went for my ear to remove the earring I was already wearing, but it was not there. I furrowed my brow and turned to look back at my bed, assuming it had fallen out. When I didn’t find it among the sheets and pillows, I breathed a laugh, realizing the Ascian must have taken it with him. 

I rolled my eyes, though a small smile tugged at my lips, and I inserted the trinket into my ear. 

Once I had finished redressing, there was a knock on my door. I tilted my head in confusion. Who-

“Might I...come in?” Y’shtola said, her voice muffled through the door. 

Ah, yes.

“Of course,” I called to her as I buttoned my jacket. The door creaked open as she entered. “I was just about to make my way out to see you all.” She closed the door behind her and glanced around.

“In truth, I noticed your return a few hours ago, but I did not want to disturb your nap,” she began, her brow furrowing, eyes scanning the room. “But, where is Emet-Selch? I had thought I felt his presence...and in fact I still...”

Her gaze landed on me, scrutinizing every inch of me until her eyes shot to my ear. I raised my arm to rub the back of my neck, heat spreading across my cheeks.

“He...had to leave for a few days, but he didn’t want…” My words trailed off and I took a deep breath. “He didn’t want me to be uncomfortable.”

“That’s...surprisingly gallant of him,” my friend mused as she closed the distance between us. I sucked in a sharp breath and froze as she raised her hand, moving a lock of hair from behind my ear to lie overtop the earring. One side of her mouth tilted up as she examined me.

“Maybe...don’t let Thancred see it. Not yet.”

I breathed a laugh, the tension bleeding out of me. She laid the palm of her hand against my cheek and I closed my eyes, leaning into the comfort of her touch, something I didn’t even realize I had missed.

“Are you alright?”

“I don’t know,” I said with a sigh, my voice sad. “I feel as if...I have more questions now than ever.” She lowered her arm and motioned for me to sit on the bed while she took a seat on the chair across from me. 

“Why don’t you tell me about it?” she asked, crossing her legs. With a nod, I began explaining the things I had experienced over the last two days. 

When I finished, I was lying on my back, staring up at the ceiling, one hand fiddling with the earring while she sat forward, leaning her elbows on her knee, fingers tapping her chin in thought. 

“An interesting theory,” she admitted. “He did once comment on the possibility of our lives  _ prior _ to the Sundering to Urianger and I.”

“So...a past life?” 

“Perhaps, yes.”

I hummed and sat up with a sigh. But how...was I remembering bits and pieces? Why, all of a sudden? And why...wouldn’t he just tell me the truth of what was going on? Exactly what was it that made me  _ not ready _ ?

“Anyway…”

Y’shtola huffed a laugh, understanding my need for a subject change before I let my mind wander too far again. 

“We’ll be heading back to the Crystarium in the morning,” she informed me. “When I told the others you were back, they set right to work. Anxious to get back and sleep in a  _ real _ bed, I assume.” 

My lips tugged upwards at her words and shortly after, we made our way back out to the dining hall for dinner.

In the morning, we departed the village of the Viis and began our trek back to Lakeland with a quick stop in at Slitherbough to see how the Night’s Blessed was faring. On foot, our journey took us a couple of days and I sighed in relief as we approached the gates that lead into the city. 

The Exarch greeted us in the plaza outside of the Ocular, along with Alphinaud. His mouth curled up when he saw me and waved to our party as he rushed over. I could tell he was drained from his dealings in Kholusia, unsteady on his feet but trying to put up a strong front until we had returned.

“My friend,” he started, coming to a stop in front of me, placing his hand on my shoulder. “Thank the Gods you are returned safe.” I raised a brow at him and he breathed a laugh, looking towards the Crystal Tower. “I was observing your movements,” he confessed. “But...not long after you absorbed Eros, the portal seemed to...cloud over.” He removed his hand from my shoulder, lifting it to his mouth in thought. “I could see  _ where _ you were, but the image was not clear. Almost like...a fog to disguise your movements.”

“I’m...as hale and whole as ever,” I told him. He nodded, still examining me. I could feel his attention go to my ear for a moment, his expression faltering for a moment before he cleared his throat and looked around to the Scions. 

“No doubt you all are tired, having travelled so far.” A few nods- even a yawn from Minfilia. “I believe our findings can wait until we’ve had a much needed rest.”

When I got back to my inn room, I immediately dropped my pack on the floor and collapsed into a chair by the dining table with a groan. As I was kicking my boots off and stretching my arms above my head, a light began to glow at my side and Ardbert appeared in my line of view.

I sighed through my nose, though we sat in silence for long moments as he scrutinized me up and down.

“So, there’s a light sealed inside you, is there?” he said, finally, breaking the quiet of the room. I pursed my lips, slumping back and looked down at my lap. “You wouldn’t know it from the outside, I think. You look the same as you ever did.”

“What if that changes?” I asked, inspecting my palms. In truth, I was not ready for this conversation, as exhausted as I was. But the fact remained that… no matter how hard he tried to distract me from it, it had never been far from my mind ever since Emet-Selch had revealed that it was  _ not _ being absorbed properly. And it likely  _ would _ change, based on the answers he  _ had _ deigned to give me “What if...there comes a day when it overwhelms me?”

Ardbert’s eyes widened at my question.

“I...don’t know. I wish I had an answer for you but... It’s not as if...something like this has ever happened before.” He huffed a humourless laugh. “And it’s not as if I can lift a finger to help myself, much less you.” I let my head roll back against the chair and looked up at the beams in the ceiling. “Look out for your friends, I suppose and hopefully they will do the same in turn.”

“My friends…,” I sighed. 

“Speaking of  _ your _ friends,” he began again, crossing his arms over his chest. “Do you think...Emet-Selch was telling the truth? About Hydaelyn?” 

I narrowed my eyes at him, puffing out my cheeks in indignation and he chuckled. “Don’t look at me like that, Warrior of  _ Darkness _ . As if I hadn’t been watching.” I rolled my eyes, but mirrored his stance, crossing my arms as he continued. “If...all of that was true, what would that make Her ‘blessing’? Are we all just... _ slaves _ to Her will? Could the same be said...of him to Zodiark?”

I paused, brow furrowing at his words. 

It...couldn’t be true, could it? I had seen the tempering before. With Ifrit, Garuda, Titan… those poor souls were doomed to a life of being mindless thralls, even those unwilling. 

I bit my lip. Both Emet-Selch and I seemed to have...autonomy, right? Something  _ resembling _ free will, at the very least. 

But were we to defy our gods...what would be the consequence?

“You...trust him, don’t you?” Ardbert asked, breaking me from my thoughts. “I began to wonder about that myself, truth be told. About my words to you that night.” He sighed, turning towards my open window, the sky dark, the stars twinkling overhead. “Listening to his story in the Ravel.” 

I hoisted myself out of my chair to join him. 

“The Ascians have lied to me, manipulated me… And yet, when I look at Emet-Selch, I see something...different in him.” 

“Yes,” I responded. “So do I.”

“Villains and heroes...they’d have you believe it’s all just a matter of perspective. Is there...a truth to their words, I wonder?” 

I sighed, leaning my hands on the railing at the window, gazing up at the stars. “I think that...there might be.” I looked over my shoulder to him and he nodded. 

“Well, I suppose I should let you get your rest.” I hummed, turning back to peer out at the night sky for a moment, wondering just where the Ascian was at that very moment. “Just…be careful, Warrior of Light,” he continued. I straightened agan, spinning on my heel to face him. “I truly hope that...this is not another one of their tricks.”

He shot me a sad smile and was gone. I stood by the sil for a while longer, leaning my backside against the railing as I contemplated his words before finally heading to bed. 

When I woke, it was to the screams of the civilians outside my window. 

I flew from my bed, barely buckling my armor into place as I exited my room, grabbing my weapon on my way out.

The Crystarium was in chaos. 

After running to all corners of the city, activating devices that would encase the city inside of a barrier the Exarch had put in place, Alphinaud, Alisaie, and I joined the rest of our friends on the battlefield in the fields of Lakeland, trouncing the sin eaters left and right, saving those that we could, including an injured Lyna after her fellow troops fled their posts.

And later, when the fighting had died down and we tended to the wounded, a fleet of airships from Eulmore flew overhead, Vauthry’s voice disrupting the quiet of the night- blaming us for our resistance, offering safe-haven to those of the Crystarium who wanted it. 

When I returned to the city, I stopped into the infirmary to visit Thancred, who was recovering from a solid blow by a large, winged monster, similar to the one I’d fought in Holminster Switch. With a triumphant grin, he tossed a damp cloth at me so that I could clean my face of the dirt and gore that was leftover.

Well, at least his injury did not seem to be bothering him much. 

I sat down beside him with a groan as he explained what had happened before asking me to speak with Minfilia, as she was not taking his injury well. 

I nodded my agreement, lifting my hand to tuck a lock of my hair behind my ear. Immediately, he bristled, his grin falling into a deep, angry frown, and I realized what I had done. He shot to his feet, his rage radiating off him in waves.

“Get what he wanted out of you, did he?” he accused. I heaved a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose.

“Please, Thancred,” I begged. “Not-”

“Is that why he’s not forced us to suffer his presence recently?”

“I don’t know where he-”

“Thancred!” Minfilia exclaimed, running up to meet us. “Please, calm down! Your injuries-”

“And just  _ what _ is it that he’s been up to, I wonder?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “He disappears and suddenly there’s an attack-”

“Thancred!” Minfilia admonished again. A moment later, there was a hum. Our squabbling died down and my eyes widened as the Ascian stepped out of his portal, looking quite annoyed.

“That’s quite enough, Scion.” 

Thancred sucked in a sharp breath as he fumed with indignation at being told what to do by  _ him _ . The three of us watched in silence as he stepped up to me, expression immediately softening. He hummed as his hand went to gently grip my chin, examining my face before releasing it, his fingers brushing against my cheek as he moved for my ear.

“Did you miss me, hero?” he asked, softly. My eyes flitted to my friends for half a moment before focusing on him again. He chuckled as his hand moved further, brushing my hair out of the way to examine the earring. “I believe this belongs to me,” he continued. “But, it certainly does suit you.” Next to us, Thancred fumed. The smirk appeared on the Ascian’s mouth as he watched him and he deftly slid the trinket out of my ear The Darkness he had imbued into it left me immediately and I tensed, the thrashing of the unnatural aether resuming. 

“Don’t touch-”

He inserted the earring back into his own ear before looking over his shoulder with a smug grin that made me roll my eyes.

“It was only for safe-keeping, I assure you,” he said to Thancred, who narrowed his eyes at the Ascian. “Ah, but lest I forget…” He turned back to me, the trinket I had previously worn dangling from his fingers. “I suppose I should return this.”

I clicked my tongue and snatched it from his hand, fastening to my lobe once more, 

“And just where have  _ you _ been all this time?” the gunbreaker asked. The Ascian’s grin widened. 

“Oh, much the same as always,” he teased. “The possession of random bodies, the manipulation of powerful nations, triggering calamities on the Source. The usual  _ Ascian _ things.”

The Scion took a step forward, arm going for the weapon that was no longer strapped to his back. 

“You all have been  _ so busy _ over here, I thought I may as well get the ball rolling over there.”

“You-”

Emet-Selch waved his hand in Thancred’s face. “Oh, _ please _ . Lighten up.” He turned back to me, clicking his tongue a few times and shaking his head. “You friends  _ really _ must obtain a sense of  _ humor _ , Warrior of Light.”

The hyur huffed as I rolled my eyes, scowling at the Ascian’s back. Finally, he turned back to the two Scions, hands on his hips, his mood seemingly jovial.

“Might I ask, what is for dinner?”

Minfilia’s mouth dropped open and Thancred’s head dropped into his palm as he groaned. 

When we arrived in the dining hall, the others had already gathered, finished with their other tasks. All conversation halted when they realized who was once more in our company. I cleared my throat, trying to ignore their awkward stares and took a seat next to Alisaie, who continued raising food to her mouth, though never taking her eyes off of our guest. 

I piled food onto my plate, taking anything that was laid out before me. I hadn’t had the opportunity to eat all day and after the battle, I was starving. I tilted my head, watching Emet-Selch from the corner of my eye as he sat next to me, but did not bother to take anything to eat.

“I thought you were hungry,” I said quietly. Alphinaud exchanged a glance with his sister as they watched. 

“I was merely attempting to rile your hot-headed friend. I do believe it worked, would you not agree?” 

I shook my head, breathing a sigh out of my nose and speared a piece of chicken. I took a small bite out of it before breathing a laugh. I held the fork out to him. He eyed it warily before shooting me a look.

“I think not,” he said with finality, crossing his arms over his chest as he sat back in his chair. “The last time I was offered food by anyone but myself, it was bland.”

“ _ Bland?” _ I scoffed. “ _ I _ would have been worried it was poisoned.” He hummed.

“Do you not believe that over the many lifetimes I have lived that I haven’t been poisoned?” He clicked his tongue. “ _ Please _ . An unpleasant experience to be sure, but it could never  _ truly _ harm  _ me _ and therefore, I have no reason to be worried.”

“It’s not bland. Just try it,” I insisted, pushing the fork into his face. 

“Oh?” He raised a brow as he leaned away from my hand. “Ordering me around now, are you?”

“It’s spicy. You said you liked spiced foods.”

“Fine,” he huffed and grabbed my wrist, guiding the fork to his mouth. 

“And?” I asked, a coy grin spreading across my lips.

“Mediocre at best,” he said, though his voice became muffled, echoing through my head. I shook my head, trying to clear it, my smile faltering. 

“Could the both of you…” I furrowed my brow, Thancred’s words from across the table escaping me.

“You needn’t interact with me, Scion, if I anger you so. I’m not here for you. I’m here for her.” I furrowed my brow, tilting my head as I tried to listen closer. “Although, please feel free to continue. Your vexation  _ fuels _ me.”

“Stop,” I said, though I was unsure if I had said it out loud. I released an unsteady breath as pain filled my head. The fork dropped from my hand, clattering to the floor as I wrenched my wrist out of Emet-Selch’s fingers and pressing the heels of both palms to my eyes. “Not-”

With a strangled cry, my vision darkened as I entered another memory. 

_ “How does it taste?” I asked. He hummed as he released my wrist. I stuck my fork back into the bowl and leaned against him.  _

_ “A little bland,” he admitted. Immediately, I straightened again, my cheeks puffing out. He laughed- the sound clear and happy, unlike anything I’d ever heard from him as he was now… _

_ “I’m only joking, my love,” he said, reaching for the bowl. I held it away from him. He leaned further, into my lap. _

_ “If you don’t like it, you can’t have it,” I teased, a triumphant grin spreading across my lips. When I looked down at him, a sly, mischievous smile had appeared on his mouth. My expression faltered for a moment as his hands began going to my middle.  _

_ I was off the couch in a moment, running for the kitchen.  _

_ “Don’t you dare!”  _

_ He followed closely on my heels. I giggled as his hand found mine, and spun me back to him. His arm wrapped around my waist as he pulled me into him, pressing me flush against him, his nose nuzzling mine.  _

_ “I-” _

_ Suddenly, the apartment shook. We both froze, exchanging a confused glance.  _

_ When it subsided, we both breathed a sigh of relief. _

_ “What was that?” I asked him, my voice no higher than a whisper. He shook his head, brow furrowing as he turned his head towards the window. His eyes widened just as the earth rumbled again, this time more violently.  _

_ His grip on me tightened as we tried to stay upright, the bowl falling from my hand. The ceramic shattered against the floor, its contents splattered all over the marble.  _

_ “Had-” _

_ Was that his true name spilling from my lips? What was- I couldn’t think of- right on the edge of my tongue- _

_ A loud sound reverberated through my body. So loud, I thought my ear drums would burst. The large window in our front room rippled with the noise and burst into millions of pieces, showering over us.  _

_ His arm loosened around me and the both of us covered our ears. As it continued, I fell to my knees with a cry, my hands doing absolutely nothing to muffle it.  _

_ I felt hands on my shoulders and I looked up to see him, his jaw clenched in pain as he tried to withstand it. He helped me sit up and pressed a kiss to my lips before pulling me, looking me sternly in the eye. _

_ “I have to go,” he said, though I could not hear his voice, only read his lips.  _

_ “No-” I shook my head, tears filling my eyes. _

_ “Stay here.” _

_ “No!” I screamed at him as he went to stand. I removed my hands from my ears and saw blood staining my palms before looking at him once more, begging him to stay with me.  _

_ “I must, my love. I’m sorry.” _

_ With one last sad smile, his portal opened. _

_ “No!” I shrieked, this time, my voice panicked and raw as I stumbled after him. “Don’t leave!” _

_ But I was too late. The portal closed and he had left me alone. _


	20. Emet-Selch

The dining hall stilled with her cry, the fork clattering to the ground.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Thancred asked urgently, standing from his seat across from us. Alisaie, seated beside the Warrior of Light, was instantly up as well, her hand on the hero’s shoulder. Her brother came around the table quickly to join her.

“Are you alright?” Alisaie asked, her eyes wide as the rest of the Scions stood from their seats and came closer. “Is it the Light?”

The Warrior of Light’s body trembled, her hands going to her ears as she screamed, the Echo playing out vividly in her mind.

“No!” she screamed, shaking her head, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks as she reached out ahead toward me, her hand shaking, eyes unfocused on the vision that was filling her mind. Full of fear, full of sorrow. “No! Don’t leave!”

With her words, I stood from my seat, my chair scraping loudly against the floor. She was- 

I could feel the panic set into my mind as I realized the moment she was reliving. The Sound, the first time it had reached our city. We had, of course, heard of the destruction it wrought around the star. We had even sent groups to examine it for ourselves. It was only a matter of time before it struck, but that day-

“An Echo, perhaps,” I heard Urianger murmur as I quickly reached for her arm, pulling her up out of her seat. I took her hand, standing before her as I held it against my chest, atop my heart, my other hand cupping the side of her face.

“Don’t touch her!” Thancred shouted, his hand going to his weapon as he began to make his way around the table at us. He grabbed my shoulder and I roughly jerked myself out of his grasp. “Get your hands off of her, Ascian.”

“Would you kindly _shut up_?” I bit out, stroking the hero’s cheek gently. “This is beyond your petty dislike for me and my kind, Scion.”

Her eyes began searching wildly around before landing on me, a choked sob escaping her lips, her body still shaking as she slowly came out of the Echo, gradually oriented herself. Her hand grabbing the cloth of my shirt in a fist.

“Thancred, leave him,” Y’ shtola said, her voice trembling slightly. “This is unlike anything I’ve ever seen before.”

“Don’t leave again,” she whimpered as her eyes locked on mine, still unfocused, still seemingly trapped within the vision of the Final Days.

“I won’t,” I whispered. “I’m here.”

“But… the people-”

“We protected them in time,” I reassured her, rubbing my thumb along her cheekbones. “Don’t worry. The city is safe.”

Relief flooded her expression, tears streaming down her cheeks as she gave me a small nod. The tension in her body seemed to melt and she breathed a small sigh. She took the final step toward me, leaning her forehead against my chest, and I wrapped my arms around her, gently rubbing up and down the length of her back. 

Slowly, I could feel her soul reach out for my own just as I had taught her previously, but she seemed more confident, more sure. I tucked her under my chin, leaning my cheek against the top of her head, my eyes sliding shut.

“Thank Zodiark,” she whispered, her hand loosening its grip on my shirt. My eyes flew open.

The room immediately went still for a fraction of a heartbeat, and I looked around at the Scions to see most of them exchanging wide-eyed glances with each other. The first among them to recover were quickly overcome with anger.

“What did you _do_?” Alisiae demanded. “Release her _immediately_ or we’ll-”

I shook my head slowly. “She knows not what she says,” I replied quietly, though my words did little to quell any of their fury. “It’s part of the memory.”

Before anyone could respond, the Warrior gasped and pulled back, her eyes wide though still unfocused. Her soul seemed to withdraw slightly before tentatively exploring mine again.

“What _happened_ to you?” she asked, her voice shaking and breathy as she examined me carefully, immense sadness filling the connection between us, her eyes full of similar despair. “Your soul, it- it’s been… _changed_ somehow.”

“I…” I sighed, averting my gaze to the side for a moment before steeling myself and meeting hers once more. “I have been tempered.” 

Confused marred her expression. Of course, she would not glean the meaning with her mind trapped in the past as it was. 

“Claimed by Zodiark,” I explained and her eyes widened with her understanding. The Summoning, while it had only been an _option_ at the time, had indeed been carried out. “But otherwise, I am well.”

She nodded and slowly, the trembling came to a stop. Her hands released their hold on my shirt, her eyes finally focusing to meet mine. 

“What…? Another? I-” Her hands, still shaking slightly, went up to her ears. She pulled them away slowly, examining her palms. “It was… so real.”

“It was real, but that was… long ago,” I replied and she exhaled a deep breath, stepping back from me completely. 

“I- where did you go?” she asked, quietly. “I didn’t want you to-”

Before I could respond, Alphinaud placed his hand on the Warrior of Light’s shoulder. “Are you alright?”

Suddenly, the hero appeared to realize where everything had transpired and she looked around quickly at each of her friends in turn. Their expressions were grim, postures still tense from the words she had uttered mere moments prior.

“It was an Echo,” she said quietly and some of them seemed to calm with the reassurance that, perhaps, the sentiment had truly not been her own. “I’ve… been having them lately.”

Y’shtola nodded, her hand tapping her chin. “But you haven’t had them,” she stated. “Not for several days. In fact,” her eyes slid to me and they narrowed slightly. “Not since his departure.”

“It seems,” Urianger started, bringing his hand to press his index finger against his temple. “That the memories are _his_.”

The Warrior of Light looked back at me, her expression guarded. “I… I haven’t had any nightmares either,” she said, clear understanding in her tone, though it was notably void of accusation. “It’s… they’re linked to you. They have to be.”

I pressed my lips together, crossing my arms over my chest as they all regarded me warily, suspicion clear in their eyes. 

Suddenly, I could feel the back of my jacket being grabbed. Without warning, I was shoved back into a nearby wall, the sound of a dagger being unsheathed filling my ears before I felt the cold steel against my throat. 

“Thancred!” The Oracle of Light admonished. “You’re still recovering-”

“Be quiet, Minfilia,” he bit out, pressing the blade harder into my skin. “We want answers, Ascian. What are you doing to her? ‘Thank _Zodiark’_?”

I arched a brow. “You do realize it’s pointless to threaten me,” I murmured. “Not my body, after all.”

“Maybe not,” he responded, glaring at me with hatred so intense it radiated off of him in waves. “But every secret you withhold, every lie you tell, and _she_ trusts you less. So if you push me, and I have to kill your vessel, imagine the extent of distrust you will have gained.”

“But you will have soiled the Exarch’s lovely dining hall,” I mused. “When all it takes is to ask me a question, and I will provide the answer.”

“We’re asking then,” Alisaie muttered, her arms crossed over her chest. “You’re clearly doing something to her. What is it?”

I hummed. “Oh, it’s _so_ difficult to respond with a knife pressed against my throat, I’m afraid.”

“Thancred, please,” the Warrior of Light sighed. “Violence hardly solves anything.”

The gunbreaker narrowed his eyes, letting the dagger slip from his hand to clatter to the floor, opting instead to pin me against the wall with his arm. A corner of my lips pulled up into a smirk.

“What’s so funny, Ascian?”

“Nothing,” I replied. “Just… soaking in the vexation. One hardly needs _food_ with such sustenance.”

He glowered at me, pressing me against the wall with more force. “Tell me why I shouldn’t just-”

“What? Kill me?” I teased, arching a brow. “Without your precious white auracite?” 

Thancred exhaled sharply, his eyes boring into mine with an unwavering intensity. 

“Your hero told you to stand down. Perhaps you should behave yourself.” After a few moments passed, the room still with silence as the others waited to see what would transpire, I sighed.

“Suit yourself,” I lamented. “Let no one say I did not try for a peaceful resolution.”

He furrowed his brow in confusion, and I shrugged my shoulder before moving to quickly thrust the heel of my hand firmly against his sternum. His eyes widened, and I watched as he exhaled the breath that was knocked out of him before he stumbled backward just enough for me to grab his arm and spin us around.

“I do detest taking such a cheap shot, but you seem to have forgotten who I was, boy,” I said, speaking lowly as I pinned him to the wall. “Being the founder of Garlemald is not a position for a lazy glutton; I am not like the repulsive beings upon this shard.” I leaned in close to him, my face ilms from his. “I could wipe the floor with you.”

“Emet-Selch,” the Warrior of Light admonished with her hand on my shoulder, her tone stern and reminiscent of that which _she_ would use when I had overstepped. “What did I _just_ say?”

I sighed fondly, stepping back and releasing the Scion. My boot brushed against the discarded dagger, the sound of it scraping against the floor prompting me to glance down at it before I bent down to pick it up. I raised it up to eye-level to examine it before I turned, shrugging unapologetically. “Self defense, my dearest hero. It had to be done.”

The Warrior of Light shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest with a sigh.

“At any rate,” I remarked, looking her over slowly, carefully examining every ilm. “You seem to have recovered more quickly this time, at the very least. Considering the nature of such a memory, that’s certainly commendable.”

“ _This_ time?” Y’shtola repeated with raised brows. “There have been others with such vivid intensity?”

“Have you not told them?” 

The hero nodded her head. “I told Y’shtola I had been _having_ visions. Echoes of some past, yours or mine or…” She trailed off with a sigh, looking over her shoulder at her friend. “But I didn’t… elaborate on the physical effects they have on me.”

I nodded slightly, bringing my hand to my chin. “Admittedly, I was not aware that _you could_ experience the Echo with such potency. Not as you are.”

“This time was the first time it’s ever been like that,” she confirmed. “Where I could swear I was actually _there_. Other than the nightmares, that is…”

What could that mean? I furrowed my brow, turning over the implications that I had considered prior to my departure while she was still in the Greatwood.

I had wanted to test if the memories in her dreams were elicited with my presence, if the Echoes were simply awakening within her or if they were reacting to my soul; since the experiences had been shared, I assumed it was the latter.

The lack of any dreams, of any new Echoes until my return, only confirmed my theory. So I would have to remain close in order to continue this task, I would need to stay by her side as often as I could.

Even if it meant awakening painful memories within her. 

But with each memory, with each truth she uncovered within the depths of her soul, locked away in the deepest trenches of her mind… the closer I was to convincing her to stop this journey. If only to save her soul. And if we could unearth enough of them, perhaps she would even agree to walk alongside me, that we could find a common goal.

“And neither of them have occurred in my absence,” I stated, to which she nodded in response. 

“Though I’m sure you knew that,” Thancred bit out, having recovered from our spat. “Lurking in the shadows as you do. Returned _just_ a bit late, as I’m sure you’re aware.”

I hummed, looking at him with an arched brow. “Yes, I regrettably was… otherwise occupied by a petulant child. However, I cannot say I am able to spend every waking moment watching your vaunted hero. I am much too busy to snoop to such an extent, not like _others_ you opt to keep in your company.”

“Convenient timing. To return and miss all the fun,” Alisaie muttered. “Didn’t you say you would lend us your strength?”

“My apologies, but I did not think my intervention would be necessary. You appeared to have the situation handled quite nicely from my vantage point on the airship.”

“So you admit it, then,” Thancred accused, his voice rising slightly. “That you had some hand in the attack on the Crystarium.”

“Watch your temper, Scion,” I retorted with a frown. “I don’t quite like your tone, nor the insulting implication that I had any part in Vauthry’s stupidity.”

“Perhaps it would be prudent to focus on more important matters?” Y’shtola prompted with a sigh. “If our friend has been having Echoes of this intensity, but seemingly only when in the presence of Emet-Selch, it requires our attention.”

“I disagree,” Thancred said, with no shortage of bitterness in his words. “I think it simply requires that he leave us alone.”

Urianger sighed, crossing an arm across his chest as the other elbow rested upon it, his index finger tapping on his temple as his brow furrowed with thought. 

“Wouldst thou be willing to share the contents?” he asked softly, looking at the Warrior of Light with genuine concern. 

The hero faltered a moment but gave a small nod before going on to explain each of the visions she had while the two of us were in the recreation of Amaurot. When she finished, she sighed. 

“Emet-Selch thought, perhaps, that the location was simply triggering too many memories.”

Urianger gave a small nod as he considered the new information. 

“If the contents of these Echoes are pertaining to the same city that thou have dreamt of previously…” he trailed off, looking to me for confirmation.

“They are,” I confirmed. “Memories of a world long since lost. I, myself, have been trying to understand how she is coming to unlock them with such frequency.”

“Unlock…?” the hero asked, her eyes locking with mine.

“Pardon my ignorance,” Y’shtola interjected. “But I was of the impression that the Echo was a gift that allowed the wielder to peer into another’s soul, to see memories imprinted upon that soul.”

“I am of the same understanding,” Urianger replied. “Granted mine experience with such a gift is secondhand at best, but it has been relatively well documented within Sharlyan tomes.”

“In which case, they could indeed be Emet-Selch’s memories she views. Am I correct in this assessment?”

I nodded at the miqo’te, allowing them to discuss amongst themselves, if only to gauge the extent of their understanding of the Echo. They had yet to understand that _places_ held memories just as strongly as souls did, though she was not _incorrect._

“But the Warrior of Light has stated that the memories are different than they usually are presented,” Alphinaud muttered, his brow furrowed with the intensity of his focus. “That she is _within_ them, rather than a witness.”

“As if they are her own, yes,” Y’shtola replied. “Emet-Selch, in the Greatwood, you mentioned that Urianger and I could have been gifted with a similar power to yours _prior_ to the Sundering.”

“I did,” I confirmed. “Given your inherent sensitivity for aether, which is seemingly greater than your peers, I imagine it would have manifested in a similar gift as my Sight.”

“I can’t help but notice that she is only being tormented when _he_ is around,” the gunbreaker muttered and I rolled my eyes. “Nor do we have an explanation as to why she _thanked_ Zodiark.”

The Warrior of Light tensed at his words, seeming to realize that she had, in fact, said those words of the Echo aloud. I shrugged my shoulders. 

“It's obvious, isn’t it? Where do you think we got the idea of Zodiark from in the first place?”

“A deity of their society, just as Ifrit to the Amalj’aa, or Leviathan to the Sahagin,” Y’shtola murmured and I nodded in agreement.

“However, I feel compelled to comment: only a small percentage of her experiences in my presence has been a _torment_. I’d like to think she’s enjoyed herself very much.”

“And what’s _that_ supposed to mean?” the female twin retorted, narrowing her eyes. “Just what have you been up to when you take her away to gods know where?”

I arched a brow. “I would never admit to whatever salacious experiences you are imagining, though you would be correct to assume it would be enjoyable,” I replied with a growing smirk as the twin’s expression shifted to grow more and more horrified. “ _I_ was referring to civil conversations whilst preparing food, or sitting by a fireplace discussing the past.”

“Alisaie,” her brother admonished. “Have some tact, please.”

She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “Can you blame me? He stands there oozing confidence and–believe me when I say that I am absolutely _nauseated_ to admit it–charm. I wouldn’t be outrageously surprised if he was up to something inappropriate. Taking advantage, as Ascians do.”

“That’s enough,” the hero finally stated, her posture changed with the moderate indignation she clearly felt. “I have substantially more life experiences than some of you. I can make my own decisions, and if those choices include spending time alone with an Ascian that’s _entirely_ up to me.”

“Of course, my friend,” Urianger quickly replied, trying to placate her with a small bow of his head. “We are simply concerned for thy safety.”

“But it had been established that she is capable of caring for herself,” the young Oracle of Light chimed in quietly with a frown, her gaze averted to the floor when the attention turned to her as she spoke up. “You claim she is this hero beyond compare, and I have seen her defend herself against foes we could only dream of facing… and yet in this aspect, you’re treating her no differently than how you treat me: like a child.”

The room fell silent, shame crossing the expression of many of the Scions in the room at the admonishment given to them by the youngest of their number. 

Finally, I cleared my throat. “Well, now that this has been made sufficiently awkward…” 

The corner of the Warrior of Light’s mouth tilted up and she rolled her eyes. “Are you completely incapable of being serious?”

“You wound me. I am very serious about a number of things, your well-being among them, hero. We’ve discussed this.”

Behind me, the gunbreaker snorted. “As in you monitor her _declining_ well-being because you wish to be rid of her, no doubt.”

I narrowed my eyes, whirling on him as I hurled the dagger that was still in my possession in his direction, the tip of it lodging into the wall just to the side of his ear. His eyes widened and I released the tension that built in my body with his accusation with a drawn-out sigh.

“ _This_ plot to destroy the Warrior of Light is surprisingly _not_ of Ascian design,” I sneered, watching as Thancred lifted his hand to remove the dagger from the wall. “Though I sincerely doubt many of you truly care to realize the extent of your shortsightedness.”

The gunbreaker visibly bristled at my words. “If you’re insinuating that any of us would seek to _harm_ -”

“You needn’t _seek_ to harm her,” I interjected harshly. “Not when you’ve already done it.” I watched his eyes slide over my shoulder to examine the Warrior of Light, his brow furrowed. “She seems whole and hale to you, and she may speak those words to make you believe such is the case, but not _one_ of you has even a single iota of understanding-”

“Well maybe if you would stop speaking in riddles, maybe if you would answer our questions-” 

“I do not answer your questions because you ask the _wrong_ ones!” I shouted. “Why bother elucidating the truth to someone who cannot truly appreciate it?”

“So what will you answer then?” Y’shtola asked, speaking quietly despite the tension in the room. “Of the concerns that we have voiced since her Echo, which would you be willing to elaborate upon?”

I paused, my hands balling into fists at my side as I looked down at the ground for a moment before shaking my head. “I have nothing to contribute to your floundering attempt to understand the nature of her visions.”

She frowned, averting her gaze with the slightest of nods. Behind her, Urianger shifted his weight from one leg to the other. 

“The visions are growing in intensity,” he muttered. “They are present when Emet-Selch is near her, thus they must be tied to him in some way.”

“But it does not explain why she sees them as if she is _in_ them,” Alisaie murmured. “Even if this nonsense about a life before the Sundering is true-”

“Wait,” her brother interjected. “If the memories are his, of a life prior to the Sundering, and she is seeing them as if they are her own…”

I arched a brow, feeling the energy of the room shift, the gears in their minds turning. 

“I’ve already… asked him,” the hero whispered, and immediately the mood in the room returned to the same hopelessness from before. “If it’s possible that the memories are my own. He… will not answer that question.”

“Well, why not?” Alisiae asked, her voice rising with her visible frustration, her eyes honing in on me. “Why not just confirm one way or the other?”

“To what end?” I asked. “If I confirm that yes, she is watching these memories from within because they are linked with _her_ memories… what does this answer? What does this prove to you?”

“It would confirm that she was present in whatever lifetime she is seeing-”

“And then what? You _all_ were present in the lifetime she is seeing, but _so what_?”

“It… it would help her understand-”

“It would not,” I scoffed. “It would bring more questions. It already has. She is not ready to know the truth behind the memories. None of you are.”

“And when will you deign that I’m _ready_?” the hero asked, tears welling in her eyes. “What do I need to do to prove to you-”

“For that matter, why does she need to prove herself _at all_?” Alisaie interjected. “Who are you to say she can’t learn more about-”

“I think you’ll find I’m pivotal to her learning anything at all with the nature of her Echoes, girl,” I interrupted, crossing my arms over my chest. “And if I’m being entirely honest, I did not expect such a rapid progression-”

“So you _are_ doing something to me, then?” the Warrior of Light asked, her voice desperate as she reached to place her hand on my shoulder. “Can you just… tell _me_ , at the very least?”

With a sigh, I placed a hand atop hers before gently brushing it off my shoulder. She slowly lowered herself back down to sit on the chair once more, her hands balled into fists in her hair. “Please,” she whispered. “I just… want to understand.”

I frowned, exhaling slowly before shifting to kneel in front of her, reaching my hands up to grip her wrists gently. When she tried to wrench herself out of my grasp, I clicked my tongue, tightening my hold until she sighed. Slowly, she lowered her hands, her eyes rising up to meet mine.

“Tell me my name,” I whispered, knowing she had called it on that fateful evening just before I stepped through the portal. Her breath caught in her throat.

I could hear Thancred scoff from behind me. “Is this some sort of joke? We know his name.”

“My _true_ name,” I continued, searching her expression as I failed to rein in the desperation from my voice. “And I’ll tell you everything- give you _everything_. All the answers you seek… in exchange for one small word.”

“Had-”

I held my breath, watching as she licked her lips, furrowing her brow as she thought back, the focus intense in her expression. 

“Had-” she repeated before releasing a frustrated groan, pulling her hands from mine to bury her face within them. She shook her head. “I don’t… I can’t-”

Moments passed in silence before I slowly exhaled the breath I had been holding. I came to a stand before nodding slightly, the sorrow mounting in my chest at the confirmed lack of sufficient progress nearly all-consuming. 

“I have told you more than I should have already, Warrior of Light,” I whispered. “You’re so very close, but I cannot reveal more to you at this time.”

I slowly scanned the room, looking at each of the Scions in turn before returning my gaze to the hero, watching as she deflated in the seat. 

“I’ve grown tired from all the excitement of this conversation,” I murmured as I summoned a portal behind me. “If you need me, I’m sure you can figure out how to find me, hero.”


	21. Warrior of Light

I continued slumping in my seat, even after the Ascian was gone. The dining hall was silent for long minutes as tears welled in my eyes and I desperately tried to remember his name.

But, it was no use. I hadn’t heard the rest of it. Even in my Echo, it had been cut short by...whatever that sound had been. 

I sat forward, folding my arms on the table and resting my forehead against them, continuing to mull over the events of the evening.

Slowly, my friends began to depart for their respective rooms. Y’shtola murmured some comforting words, her fingers threading into my hair as she offered me the solace of her room and her ear, if I would like. When I nodded my understanding, she left, the others following suit, passing behind me without even bidding me goodnight, either too embarrassed to speak to me or unsure of what to say. 

When most of them had left, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I lifted my head slightly to see Minfilia standing at my side, though she was looking over her shoulder at Thancred, who stood behind her, arms crossed over his chest and a frown on his face. She nodded her head insistently towards me as she tugged on his arm with her other hand. 

I watched as he suppressed an eye roll at being told what to do by a child and closed the distance between us as I sat up straighter, preparing myself for the inevitable talk we were about to have. The girl moved away, towards the door, and the both of us waited with baited breath until we could barely hear the sound of her footsteps clicking down the hall. 

I looked up to the hyur as he averted his eyes to the table, his arms dropping to his sides. He pursed his lips for a moment.

“I’m-” He sighed, knocking the knuckles of one hand lightly against the wood. “I don’t like him.”

“I know you don’t, Thancred,” I responded with a sigh, falling back in my chair once more as I rolled my eyes. If this is what he wanted to talk about, I wished he’d just gone back to his room without saying anything. “You’ve made that abundantly clear. But I don’t-”

He held up his hand to cut me off and I pouted my lips in indignation. If he thought I would let him sit here and continue to treat me like a child-

“I don’t trust him, and I don’t think you should, either,” he continued. I opened my mouth to argue again, but he waved the hand still raised. “ _ But _ , I know it is not up to  _ me _ who you have placed your faith in. I just…” He pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers. “It’s just...My outbursts are-”

He sighed again, frustrated.

“I’m  _ worried _ .” My eyes dropped to my lap and I pretended to inspect my hands. “Just promise me that you’ll be careful.”

“I  _ am _ being careful,” I started. “You needn’t worry about me, Thancred. You  _ know _ I can take care of myself. It’s not as if I got where I am because I was coddled.”

“I know,” he responded, quietly. “You’re just… I consider you to be…” When he didn’t continue, I tilted my head up towards him again. He was frowning down at the table once more, struggling with the words he wanted to say. I laid my hand on his arm and he met my gaze. My expression softened into a smile, encouraging him to continue. 

“You’re my  _ family _ ,” he admitted, finally. “You all… you’re all I have and if something were to happen to you...something  _ I _ could have stopped…” My breath caught, eyes filling with tears, though this time, out of happiness. My fingers tightened around his arm.

“Thank you,” I whispered, barely able to keep my voice steady. 

He inhaled deeply, examining my face, but finally nodded. I stood from my chair, wrapping my arms around his back. He breathed a short laugh as he reciprocated, hugging me firmly to him. 

“I’m sorry that I…” He heaved another sigh. “I will...attempt to keep my outbursts to a minimum from now on.” 

“Have the both of you made up yet?” Minfilia’s small voice said from the door. I huffed a laugh and pulled away to wipe my eyes as the Scion clicked his tongue and turned to his charge, his hands on his hips.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in your room?” 

“I’m sorry, it’s just...the Exarch found me in the hall. He asked me to inform the both of you that we are to gather in the Crystal Tower first thing in the morning.” Her eyes locked with mine. “Perhaps Emet-Selch would like to be informed, as well.”

“Alright, alright,” Thancred groaned in disgust, apparently oblivious to the look she was giving me. “Enough about the Ascian for the _ night _ , please.” He began making his way towards her, waving at her to turn and leave. My lips tugged upwards as she inclined her head to me before following her guardian’s unspoken order. 

When they were both gone, I sighed. The Oracle was right, afterall. I should go and speak to him. 

I trekked my way across the Crystarium, closing my jacket tightly around me to guard against the chill of the night and trying to decide where he might be. I shoved my hands in my pockets as I walked, debating with myself over what I would say to him. I didn’t want to start another argument with him, but after what had just happened...was there any way to avoid it? Would my presence only serve as an annoyance to him? Sometimes his feelings were so hard to gauge…

And I didn’t want to annoy him. I just wanted… What did I want?

_ Him _ , I thought. No matter how frustrated I was that he did not answer my questions, he had promised that he  _ would _ when the time came.

So for now, I just...wanted  _ him _ . 

I headed first towards the courtyard in front of the Crystal Tower, to the bench where I had found him that first night...where everything had started to change. 

I found him there, once more, staring up at the sky.

“So...where did you go?” I inquired softly as I approached him. “In my Echo.” He sighed through his nose.

“Have we not established that it was not merely an Echo, but  _ your _ memory, hero?” Slowly, he lowered his gaze to his lap, then, something about my question bringing immense sorrow to his expression. “I went to help the citizens of the city.”

“And she…,” I paused, furrowing my brow. “No,  _ I. _ ” I blew out a breath. “It  _ is _ me, isn’t it? I was... _ her.” _ Slowly, he nodded his head. Finally confirming that which had been plaguing my mind since the office days before.

What had changed between then and now?

He had not seemed ready to confirm my suspicions before. He had said confirmation would be useless, that it would just bring about more questions. 

I wasn’t sure that was correct.  _ Of course _ I wanted to know more. But...knowing that...I felt this connection to him for a reason...Knowing that...I  _ had _ been a part of his life in the past…

It was enough. I could be patient with the rest.

The tension I’d been holding as I walked the Crystarium looking for him was released from my body, my shoulders relaxing. 

“ _ I _ didn’t want you to go,” I said with finality.

I sat down on the opposite side of the bench, keeping my distance from him in the case that he did not want my company. 

“But if I was on the same council as you...why didn’t I go as well?” He hummed.

“You were injured in your travels. You were recuperating and I could not bear the thought of you getting hurt again.”

“And...why did I thank Zodiark?” I asked, no hint of distaste in my question, only genuine curiosity. 

“Back in days past,” he explained. “Both He and Hydaelyn were deities in our society- on most of the star, in fact. It was not uncommon to find followers of either.”

I nodded, and we were quiet for long moments. Finally, I exhaled a slow breath.

“I’m sorry.” I stretched my legs out in front of me and crossed one over the other. “I didn’t mean to push you so far earlier, especially not in front of the others.” He breathed a laugh. 

“You’ve nothing to be sorry for, Warrior of Light. It was  _ I _ that pushed you too far. Too quickly. I was not prepared for you to understand this part of your past so soon, nor was I prepared for such a vivid memory to take place. I should have, at the very least, suspected it would be revealed to your companions at some point, though it was much earlier than I anticipated. I was caught by surprise, and the Scions’ accusations only served to fuel my annoyance.” He sighed again. 

“I know that all you want is answers, and it was my own fault for not realizing how much time you would need. How slow this process  _ has _ to be. That day in the apartment only served as a reminder and, while I  _ did _ have business to take care of, I admit that I left, in part, to see if my absence would give you rest. As badly as I would like to, I cannot be impatient. For the sake of your soul, I cannot rush you into it, and you should not try to rush yourself, either.”

I watched him turn to me out of the corner of my eye, trying to shield my surprise at how forthcoming he was being.

“And...what are you doing to me? Back in the apartment, you said…the memories were...” One side of his mouth tilted upwards and he hummed again.

“Many years ago, as an experiment, I began infusing my aether into the soul of a child in an attempt to see if I could awaken a memory of the final days. If I was successful, it would open up the possibility that he could remember his past life. It worked, to an extent, but overall, I deemed it a failure. He was never able to unlock anything further, to my knowledge. But he also did not have the Echo.

“Loathe as I am to admit, I did not realize what I was doing to you in the beginning. That Light inside of you is so blinding, my only thought was that it needed to be dimmed. But then, you started dreaming of the city. Of the final days before its fall. Of...the things we did together. And I realized what  _ must _ be happening.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” I asked him, removing my hands from my pockets and leaning back on the bench. 

“Truth be told,” he started again. “It... _ was _ an attempt to further my own plans.”

“You told me once that your plans, whatever they may be, might differ from what I thought they were.” He chuckled and nodded his head.

“I did, yes. And that still holds true.” I nodded my head and sucked my bottom lip into my mouth as I continued to think on his words.

“I suppose…if a loved one did not remember me, I would do what I could to...get them to remember again, too.” 

“That is only part of it, I’m afraid.” I breathed a laugh.

“I know.”

Another silence stretched between us before he sighed, averting his eyes to his lap once more. “I could stop, I suppose. If you are so averse to it.”

My lips parted at his offer and I sat up, examining him carefully. “You...would do that for me? Wouldn’t that...disrupt whatever it is your goal is?”

“Minimally, yes. Just know, hero, that even if I were to stop, my presence alone could still trigger these memories, as could familiar locations. I would likely have to keep my distance from you, and I could  _ not _ use my power to calm the Light. I would, of course, loan you my earring if you-”

“Stop,” I commanded. “Just…” I sighed, raising one hand to my chest, laying it over my heart, feeling the  _ thump _ beneath my fingertips. 

I didn’t...think I wanted this to stop. 

He had made an attempt to be forthright about everything. He’d...given me the truth... or at least  _ a _ truth. And I...I had felt this connection to him from the moment I met him, no matter how inebriated I had been.  _ Surely _ he was not lying now. Not after  _ everything _ . 

And I  _ did _ want to get to know him. Discovering the truth of our pasts… together? It was an incredibly enticing prospect.

I, along with my friends, had always thought that bringing about the Calamities was the Ascian’s main goal. While that could still be true of the others that were still in existence, if... _ his _ plan was not what we expected and he  _ truly _ wanted cooperation...

“I don’t want you to stop,” I conceded. “And I will not push you further for answers...but, could you...at least tell me  _ why? _ ” I asked, my voice soft. “Why I can’t know these things yet when I feel a nearly all-consuming need to? When all I want is to...understand  _ you _ ?”

“In truth, Warrior of Light, there is simply too much to process. Too much to learn and to understand about who I once was. Who  _ you _ once were. Truths about things that pertain to who you are in this very moment. If we force it...you would never believe the things I told you. You  _ have _ to see the memories for yourself.”

“But...I would believe  _ you _ ,” I insisted. 

“No,” he said, his voice turned sad as he peered up at the stars once more. “You would not. Every fiber of your being would reject the things I told you. It is simply in your nature.”

“Why...not just take the chance?” I asked, tilting my head towards him.

“Selfish though it may be to torment you in this way after what I have set in motion, to deny you the one thing you’re asking of me, I simply...cannot. Because...I do not want you to run from me. So, we will take our time and as you come to learn more of the truth, the more questions I will be at liberty to answer.”

We sat in silence for a long while, his words churning about in my mind. I felt an ache build inside of me as I thought about the desperation in his voice that he tried very hard to hide. I decided then that I wanted so badly to be wrapped in his embrace again, to hold him in my own and prove to him that I would  _ not _ run from him. 

I had to believe that as far as we had come these weeks...that this was not a scheme or a plot to merely make me stray from my path. 

“Okay,” I said finally, accepting his words for truth. “I trust you.”

His breath caught. It was barely discernible as I went to stand, the leather of my boots creaking, but I caught it nonetheless. I stretched my arms above my head, a coy smile appearing on my lips. 

“But, if you’re going to leave for days on end again, the least you could do is inform me  _ in person _ ,” I teased. “Not in a  _ note _ .” I dropped my arms and took a few steps toward him, holding out my hand. 

“Let’s go to bed,” I offered. “It’s getting late and the Exarch would like to meet us all bright and early in the Ocular.” 

He stared at my hand for a few moments, but eventually accepted it. I hauled him off the bench and together, we made our way to my inn room, though when the door was closed behind us, I quickly found out that he had no intention of  _ sleeping _ anytime soon. 

In the morning, aside from the Exarch, we were the first to arrive. He turned as I entered, smiling widely, though his mirth was short lived when he realized just  _ who _ was in my company. 

“Ah,” he began, placing one hand on his hip. “I see you were made aware of our little gathering today.” Emet-Selch hummed as he examined his surroundings. 

“Yes,” he replied, his smirk easily sliding back into place. “Your vaunted hero is so very gracious in that respect, is she not? Making sure that  _ everyone _ was informed.”

“Indeed,” the Crystal Exarch answered, his response short with annoyance. He turned back to the portal and waved his free hand, an image appearing, though unfocused. I furrowed my brow as I watched him turn his hand, attempting to adjust whatever it was he was looking at before releasing a held breath and shaking his head.

“Looking glass giving you troubles, dear Exarch?” the Ascian asked, amusement filling his tone. The other man tilted his head to show that he had heard. “What a shame.”

“Mm. The image is foggy, as you can see, though I’m sure  _ you _ were already aware of my predicament.” He brought a hand to his chin. “I suspected from the beginning that you had a hand in its malfunction.” Emet-Selch chuckled.

“I can’t say I  _ don’t _ know the reason for your technical difficulties, and I do know what it is you seek to see. But, if it’s all the same to you, I prefer maintaining my privacy from…” He paused, grin widening as his eyes narrowed in on the Exarch. “ _ Curious _ eyes.”

I shifted uncomfortably where I stood, but when I heard the doors open again behind me, I cleared my throat and crossed my arms over my chest as the tension between them began to melt with the arrival of the Scions. 

“I want to thank you, my friends,” the Crystal Exarch started when everyone had gathered. “For your true acts of heroism yesterday on the battlefield. With your aid, we have weathered a brutal assault. I hear no few of our people have you to thank for plucking them from the jaws of death.

“Rest assured that I have not been scared away- that I fully intend to continue our work in vanquishing the Lighwardens. It is more important now than ever that we put forth all of our strength in finding the two that remain.” Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Emet-Selch cross his arms in front of him, though he remained silent for the time being. 

“As for the attack itself…” He lifted his fingers to his lips in thought once more. “Vauthry may call it divine retribution, but sin eaters...they are creatures of instinct and a coordinated assault such as this is...unprecedented. Without the presence of a Lightwarden, there should have been no compulsion for the lesser eaters to congregate en masse.”

“You’re implying that these minions of light answer to...a higher power. Higher than even that of a Lightwarden,” Y’shtola started with a furrowed brow. “Are you not?”

“I am.”

“Ah,” Urianger mumbled, eyes lighting with realization. “He who did claim kinship with them. He who did boast of control.”

“Indeed. I mistook his claim as a tactic to frighten us, but it seems...it is, in fact, the truth.”

“But if he could control the sin eaters…,” Minfilia began quietly, at my side as the conversation continued around her. I looked down, watching as the cogs turned in her mind through the clear glow of her eyes. I noticed that the Ascian’s attention, too, had honed in onto the girl.

“What of the Lightwarden in Kholusia?” Alisaie asked, turning to her brother. He pursed his lips and turned to with a shrug and a shake of his head.

“Sadly, I have nothing to report on that front. I cannot traverse the entire region yet, as there is no way to scale the cliff that separates it...and not a single person I spoke to has seen anything of value. And of Amh Araeng?”

“I scoured many ruins for days to no avail, though when I resorted to asking the locals, I uncovered a possible lead. From what the Mord told me, there is an abandoned mine in the western part of the region...and it is a perfect place to stay out of sight.

“Though I was unsure if I should attempt to explore such a labyrinth on my own, so I returned here to inform you all instead.”

“Hmm,” Y’shtola hummed. “Even should we all join in the endeavor, a search could take  _ weeks _ , with no guarantee of finding anything.” Finally, Minfilia looked up from her thoughts.

“The Wardens...they harbor vast reservoirs of primordial Light, do they not? Far beyond that in the lesser sin eaters.” Everyone in attendance turned towards her. “An Oracle could see the Light of a sin eater from malms away, can’t they? Surely a Warden would seem like a blazing beacon by comparison!

“To...the real Oracle of Light, I mean. The real Minfilia.” She paused, eyes downcast for a moment. “If I could-”

“No,” Thancred said quickly, his lips pulling downward, his voice echoing throughout the room. 

“And why not?” the girl asked. “I could summon her back. Obtain the  _ true _ power of the Oracle. I could seek out  _ both- _ ”

“You do  _ not _ understand what that entails-”

“Oh, I see,” Emet-Selch interjected, finally speaking up. “All this time I thought you were merely an underwhelming reincarnation, but I understand now.” He lifted a hand to his chin as he inspected her carefully. “The Oracle lies dormant within you, but in order to draw on the  _ true _ power she possesses, you must become one, both body  _ and _ soul.”

My eyes widened, shooting to Minfilia. She-she was offering to-

“This doesn’t concern you,” the hyur responded, anger coating his voice. The Ascian hummed, his lips tugging upward at the Scion’s reaction.

“Though it clearly concerns you. And yet, you still don’t deign to open up to your young charge… Interesting.” Thancred pulled his hand into fists as his side, clenching his jaw and averting his gaze. 

“Enough,” I ordered. Emet-Selch turned to me with a raised brow and shrugged his shoulders. 

“Well, emotions aside, I for one think it’s a marvelous idea. Certainly more promising than anything else you lot have suggested.” He tilted his head towards Minfilia again. “You might find...some of your suspicions confirmed.”

My brows shot up and I opened my mouth to inquire further, but the Scion clicked his tongue.

“Please, Thancred,” the girl said, quietly, placing a hand over her chest. “I have to...do  _ something _ . Something  _ more _ than simply following you around as you all risk your lives for this shard. I want to-to  _ contribute _ . This is my  _ home _ .” 

None of us uttered a word, silence stretching between our entire group. Finally, her guardian’s jaw clenched and he stormed past us, making for the door. 

“I’ll meet you at the gates, then,” he muttered over his shoulder before disappearing. 

“Will you come with us?” the girl’s voice asked timidly. When I turned to face her, she closed the distance between us, but looked to the floor. “I’m...I’m sorry for being so insistent but I just  _ know _ this is the only way.”

With a sad smile, I placed my hands on her shoulders, gently rubbing her skin with my thumbs. “You’re absolutely sure this is what you want?” She huffed a sigh and closed her eyes.

“I don’t...know what will happen to me. But I know that I don’t want to go back to being who I was prior to meeting you all.” She opened her eyes, meeting my gaze. “I want to become strong enough to face my destiny and...like you, I want to play a part in saving this world.” I nodded my head and squeezed her shoulders.

I could not fault her for that.

“Just...be prepared for whatever may come of this.” She nodded as well and began heading back out to the Crystarium. I glanced sidelong as Emet-Selch, crossing my arms over my chest as the others began filing out to prepare for the journey. “You know what she suspects.”

“I do indeed. And she would be right.” 

“You aren’t going to tell me, are you?” He chuckled, reached a hand between us to pat my shoulder.

“Think on it a while, hero,” he insisted. “I have already given you the clues you require, though once you think you have figured it out, you need only ask for confirmation.” I narrowed my eyes, pursing my lips together as he coaxed me to once again play his game. I searched his expression for a long moment before rolling my eyes.

“Fine,” I said, though unable to hold back the small smile that was forming on my lips. With a shake of my head, I spun on my heel to follow my young companion out.

We set out almost immediately, taking the route Alisaie suggested to throw off the Eulmoran troops recently landed in Amh Araeng. Much to my own personal dismay, Emet-Selch chose to continue his vigilance from the shadows, complaining of the over-abundance of Light. He assured me, however, that he would still be close by and should I need his aid, I was to simply call for him.

After combining our strengths and repairing the Talos and trolley that would bring us to our destination, Minfilia bid her goodbyes to Urianger, who decided he must stay behind. But, our good fortune did not last long when we found Ran’jit waiting for us on the other side of the gate. Thancred deftly protected his charge from the general’s attack and urged us to continue on. 

The girl refused to leave the Scion, but with one look over his shoulder to me, I nodded and gripped her arm, pulling her along until she stopped struggling against my hold and went willingly, quiet sobs escaping her as she ran.

Eventually, she couldn’t run a step further and we stumbled to a halt.

“I’m sorry,” I panted. “I didn’t have a choice.”

She did not respond, and when I looked up, her eyes were fixed on the solid crystal before us, slowly straightening as her heaving breaths calmed. 

“I can sense her,” she whispered. “She’s here.”

Suddenly, my vision pulsed. Next to me, Minfilia groaned. Both of us-

A vision appeared, the Echo showing us the Flood of Light, and my friend’s efforts to stay the destruction with the help of the heroes of the First. 

But Ardbert-

He’d been intentionally left behind...

A flash of light. 

I shielded my eyes until it had faded, and when I lowered my arms, I realized we stood on the surface of a vast, sparkling sea. And before us stood Minfilia of the Source. 

My lips parted as I sucked in a sharp breath of surprise. 

“You…,” the girl beside me started, her voice no higher than a whisper, though filled with reverence. “You’re…”

“Yes,” the woman in front of us said with a soft smile. “Ours is a meeting long overdue and full glad am I that we may finally speak.”

I could not help the smile that spread across my lips as I watched them exchange words. As Minfilia of the First spilled forth her most deepest desires with fervor- her want to stand in place of the fallen heroes and make a difference in the world. 

Finally, my friend lifted her hand to brush the girl’s hair back. 

“‘Tis a beautiful, wonderful dream, my sweet child. One that we share. It gives me great comfort to know that the future is in your capable hands.”

“Thank you, Minfilia,” my young companion sighed. “For believing in me.”

The Oracle of Light took her chin in hand and leaned forward, pressing a small kiss to her forehead before stepping back and facing me, a light surrounding all of us.

“My dearest friend, no words can express the gratitude I hold for keeping her safe. You are a hero to us both.” 

“I’ll hold true to that,” I promised, laying a hand over my heart. “She will never come to harm as long as I draw breath.” 

With an incline of her head, she began fading into the brightness and when I opened my eyes again, I was back in the desert. 

After I had gathered Minfilia- and gotten over my shock of her changed appearance- we traveled back to where we had left Thancred. He was there, bloodied up quite a bit, but still standing. The other Scions had joined him as well, and once a name was chosen for the Oracle, they informed us of Malikah’s Well, the most probable place for the Lightwarden to have housed itself. 

When we arrived, we gathered at its edge, peering down into its dark depths. 

“It’s here,” Ryne said after a long moment. “I can taste its aether on the wind.”

There was a hum behind us and I peered over my shoulder to find Emet-Selch stepping out of a miasma of purple and black. He cringed a bit, shielding his eyes from the rays of Light above before joining us. 

“Decide to grace us with your presence  _ now _ , have you?” Alisaie asked, crossing her arms over her chest. “When we could have used the help you offered us in past discussions.” 

“Please.” With a roll of his eyes, he clicked his tongue. “I told you before, I cannot abide the Light unless absolutely necessary and from my vantage point, you seemed to have everything under control.” His gaze slid back down to the well before us. “But, since you all will be going down into the dark…” He shrugged. “I supposed I could accompany you.”

Alisaie sucked in a long, annoyed breath as her brother placed his hand on her arm to calm her. 

“Well,” Alphinaud started quickly, before his twin had the opportunity to say something uncouth. “I suggest we begin our climb down.” 

“Hmm,” the Ascian hummed, lightly jumping into the air and floating a few fulms above us. “I think not. I will meet you all at the bottom.” He grinned down to me and I sighed through my nose, shooting him my most unimpressed look. 

“Oh, I do suppose I could take  _ one _ of you with me,” he relented as he took in all of our expressions and dipped back down to the ground. 

Before I could argue, he had swept me into his arms. A small squeal of surprise escaped me as he stepped off the edge. He turned back to the Scions, bowing slightly. 

“See you at the bottom, my friends,” he said, a smug smile crossing his mouth before he, quite suddenly, started lowering us into the hole.

“Imagine that,” Thancred’s voice echoed against the walls, feigned surprise filling his tone. “An  _ Ascian _ turned pack mule of the Warrior of Light.”

I groaned, letting my head fall back. “Why do you have to rile them up all the time?” 

“Do you know the last time I did anything remotely physically laborious, hero?”

I lifted my head and raised a brow at him, thinking back to the night before. He rolled his eyes, but the tug at his lips was unmistakable.

“Don’t be crass-”

“Not _laborious_ enough for you?” I huffed a laugh. We came to a land and I crossed my arms when he had set me on the ground. “I suppose I shall endeavor to _try harder_.” He grinned suggestively before taking my chin in his hand and pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth. 

“I sincerely hope, Warrior of Light,” he whispered. “That you aren’t lying to me.” I rolled my eyes, but a smile broke through nonetheless. 

A while later, we sat side-by-side on the floor of the well as he answered more questions about himself, and even a few about... _ me _ . When he’d had enough, he clicked his tongue and snapped, a portal opening in front of us. I tilted my head, looking at him curiously. He shrugged as he stood, then helped me up.

Ryne was the first through, then Y’shtola. The rest of them followed. When Thancred appeared, he groaned and hunched over, rubbing his knees. 

“Gods,” he complained. “I am getting  _ old _ .” Emet-Selch chuckled.

“Pack mule or no,  _ my _ joints are burden-free.” 

The Hyur sighed, but didn’t deign to argue for once.

When they had recovered, we began our venture into the well, easily slaying the beasts lurking about.

And when I accepted the aether of the Lightwarden, Storge, into my body, I felt a sharp pain, deep inside of me. Deeper than my body, deeper than my aether. 

A pain so great it was as if my very soul had cracked open. 

Darkness blurred my vision and I fell to my knees, my weapon slipping from my hand. It flew to my chest, my fingers digging into my skin through my shirt. I barely registered the sting as I pitched forward and everything went dark, Ryne’s voice as she called my name echoing through my mind.


	22. Emet-Selch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is late! ; 3; I hope you all enjoy it!

“Not going to help, are you?” Thancred asked when we had finally made our way to the Lightwarden.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Do you mean to say that my aid is required?”

He clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes as his hand went to the hilt of his weapon and he drew it once more. Turning to his companions, he nodded them all in turn. They had spent a long time fighting as a team, that much was evident from their coordination, unspoken at times yet still clean and concise. He began to sneak toward the Lightwarden, it’s attention not yet drawn by their presence.

The Warrior of Light sighed, drawing her own weapon as she examined the Warden before them.

“Nervous?” I asked and she breathed a laugh but otherwise did not respond for a short moment.

Finally, she lowered her weapon, her gaze locked on the floor. “Should I be?”

I frowned, looking at the Warden carefully and then back at her. 

“It’s difficult to say,” I admitted and she nodded, clenching her jaw. 

“Will you… if it’s too much, could you-”

“I will do what I can,” I interjected with a nod, understanding her request. To counter the Light, to preserve her soul. “There is a limit to what I am capable of, however. But if it comes down to life or death... I will do what I must.”

“Okay,” she whispered, slowly raising her gaze to meet my eyes once more with a forced smile on her lips. “I’ll see you on the other side.”

From the corner of my vision, I could see the young Oracle of Light bring her hand to her chin, our exchange not lost upon her ever-observant eyes. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it with a small shake of her head before she, too, headed to face Storge.

The battle was approximately as quick as I had expected it to be. Despite not necessarily being worried for her safety—she had proven time and time again to be capable of handling herself in a battle—I still found myself watching with bated breath.

When the Lightwarden dispersed into pure aether, its Light as abundant and blinding as the rest, I found myself narrowing my eyes as it approached her. Time seemed to slow, the orbs of Light entering her.

But after the first, I immediately knew it would be too much. _Just_ with one, I watched as the boundaries of her being swelled, ready to burst. 

“Don’t let the rest of it-” I called out, the Oracle of Light looking over at me, her positioning several paces behind the rest of them allowing my words to reach her. 

But I was out of range for the Warrior of Light to hear, and though the girl named Ryne looked back quickly to try to convey my message, when I stepped through the portal to emerge by her side, I immediately knew I had been too slow in my assessment. If I had been just one second faster I could have intercepted-

Suddenly, I could hear the sound of her soul straining as it resonated with my own, the sound akin to that of glass grating, her hand flying to her chest as she sucked in a sharp breath.

I took a step toward her, reaching my hand for her shoulder, ready to immediately infuse some Darkness to quell the Light. But I was too late.

My ears were filled with an agonizing and piercing sound, the reverberation of it running through me, a sharp, stabbing pain filling the depths of my own soul. I groaned with the sensation, the intensity of it knocking the wind from my lungs, bringing me to my knees. The sound of a soul fracturing beyond repair.

From the corner of my eye, I could see the Warrior of Light fall to her knees as well, the pain she felt likely immeasurable compared to my own. 

“What happened?” Ryne asked me, running to my side as the Scions circled around the hero, hushed and panicked as she faded, losing consciousness. I slowly raised my head in her direction, a hand clutching at the fabric of my tunic, my breath coming in heavy pants as my other hand reached toward her.

“She needs- Her soul is-”

But before I could finish my thought, another wave of grinding discomfort filled me, her soul fracturing yet again from the strain that had been put on it. I clenched my jaw, trying to will myself to stand, but found my legs unable to, our souls having recently been in such close proximity, the traces of hers undoubtedly still present upon my own causing the pain to increase a hundredfold within my chest. 

The hum of a void portal to my left filled my ears and I felt Elidibus’ hand on my shoulder. 

“Come,” he said softly, bending down to help me stand. “We must distance you from her.”

“She needs help,” I rasped, trying to push him away from me when he finally had me on my feet and he sighed as he tightened his hold.

“ _You_ are in no state to be of help to anyone,” he replied with audible frustration. “And I am not of the mind to do so. We are leaving.”

Before I could protest further, I was pulled through a portal and deposited onto the ground on my platform as my vision faded.

When I regained consciousness, I could feel a warmth filling my chest, a comforting flow of aether. 

“It took me nearly an hour,” Elidibus muttered, the aether flow coming to a stop when my eyes slowly slid open. “To extract the stain she left on you.”

I slowly lifted myself up onto my elbows, watching as he stepped back and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the pedestal on the platform. 

“You are fortunate that she did not completely discover how to envelop your soul,” he continued. “Though you are foolish for showing her how, especially since you did not teach her how to remove the mess she left.”

I flinched at the residual tenderness within my chest as I finally came to sit. “Is that why-”

“Why you felt the pain as if it was your own? Yes, that would be why,” he quipped and I averted my gaze at the palpable frustration he was exuding. “Her soul, fracturing into pieces, had left traces upon yours. Whatever reaction you would have felt simply by being in the presence of such a travesty, you worsened it with your folly.”

“My apologies,” I whispered. “For what I can only imagine was an inconvenience to come to my aid.”

Several moments passed in tense silence, and I could feel his heavy gaze on me before he took a deep breath and the air immediately seemed to lighten. Whatever had angered him so, he had deigned to let it go, opting instead to return me to her side whenever I felt ready. To my considerable surprise.

When we emerged in the Warrior of Light’s room after I had sufficiently recovered, it was to the sudden hushing of a conversation. The Scions were gathered in a small circle to the side of the hero’s bed as she lay unconscious under the covers, her face pale, a thin sheen of sweat upon her forehead.

“Oh, look who has deigned to grace us with his presence,” Thancred muttered with a click of his tongue. “Couldn’t have helped us return, and now that we’re here-”

“Thancred,” Ryne interjected harshly, her guardian pausing in his admonishment with a widening of his eyes. “He was hurt. The white-robed man helped him stand.”

“Elidibus?” Thancred asked, incredulously. “He was there?”

Ryne nodded her head, her gaze landing on the Emissary. “He’s here now as well.”

“Ah, this one has been _gifted_ with the Echo by their Mother,” Elidibus mused as he acknowledged the young girl with a respectful inclination of his head. “I would expect no less of the Oracle of Light. Perhaps… I should return as an illusion, so that the rest of your companions will be more at ease and able to converse.”

“I do not believe that to be necessary, Elidibus,” I replied with a sigh. “Whatever reservations they may have about me, your ability to speak to them will not assuage them.”

“Perhaps not, but in the spirit of _cooperation_ , I will return shortly.” He bowed at the waist, and, without another word stepped back into his portal. 

“He’s gone now,” Ryne reported, looking at Thancred, his posture immediately seeming to relax with the information.

With his temporary departure, I allowed my gaze to return to the hero, taking in the pallor of her skin, how she seemed to shiver despite the layers of blankets that had been placed upon her. Without realizing it, I approached the foot of her bed, peering up at her with a frown.

“Not sure what that look is about,” Alisaie muttered bitterly. “This is _exactly_ what you wanted, I’m sure.”

I exhaled a sigh through my nose, shaking my head. Too exhausted to argue or defend myself, I instead remained otherwise silent. The twin clicked her tongue, taking my lack of a response as a confirmation of her accusation.

“At any rate, perhaps we should have some dinner, my friends,” Y’shtola murmured softly. “She seems to be stable enough, thanks to Ryne’s efforts to control the Light. One of us could stay behind to keep an eye on her, but there’s not much more we can do for now. She just needs time.”

“I’ll stay,” Ryne offered, pulling up a chair to the side of the bed. “I… I’m not really hungry. I’ll grab something later. It’s best if I stay in case she needs my intervention once more.”

Slowly, the Scions began to file out of the room. Thancred’s shoulder brushed roughly against mine as he passed—an attempt at a warning, no doubt—and Y’shtola gave me a small shrug before shutting the door behind her.

Moments passed in silence before Ryne finally cleared her throat. “You tried to save her,” she said softly, her hand reaching to hold the Warrior of Light’s gently. “I… I heard you call to her.”

I nodded slowly, exhaling a deep breath. 

“You… reached your aether out to her when you emerged from your portal beside her,” she continued before shaking her head. “No, not your aether…” She trailed off, bringing her free hand to her chin as she thought back. “Something… something deeper than that.”

“You’re very observant, for one so new to her powers,” I whispered. “You are correct, it was not my aether.”

“If you succeeded, what would have happened to you?” she asked, realization evident in her tone. “What _did_ happen to you?”

“I honestly tried to intercept the Light without taking the consequences into consideration,” I replied, my gaze trained on the hero’s face, her brow furrowing with the discomfort she felt as the Light roiled around within her, lapping against the jagged-edged cracks in her soul like waves upon a rocky shore. “But, regardless of what would have happened to me, it would have been less dire than what has happened to her.”

The young Oracle nodded sadly, her eyes falling to her lap. “Why do you… care?”

I slowly looked to the young girl, watching as she clenched her hand into a fist in her lap. “In what regard?”

She took a deep breath, seeming to gather her composure before she met her blue eyes with mine. 

“You _seem_ to truly care for her,” she said, her newfound confidence radiating off her. “I… care for her deeply, and so I want to confirm that you do not mean to harm her. So, I wanted to ask you: is it an act?”

I tilted my head, my eyes sliding back to the Warrior of Light, her lower lip quivering as she shivered from the pain of the damage to her soul. Slowly, I raised my hand to place it upon her ankle, infusing a slow stream of aether into her and watching as the trembling came to a steady stop, a soft sigh of relief escaping her as the furrow in her brow slowly began to fade. 

“No,” I replied quietly. “I care for her soul. Deeply so. That she would be possessed of it is but a coincidence.”

“Then she _is_ someone from your past. Someone you cared for, in a different vessel. Does the vessel not matter to you?” she asked, the genuine curiosity in her voice pulling the corners of my lips upwards into a small smile.

“Her vessel means as much to me as my own does.” 

She tilted her head with confusion, her brow furrowing as she tried to understand and I breathed a laugh, shrugging my shoulders.

“It’s not… something you could ever truly understand, being as ephemeral as you are,” I explained before sighing. “Allow me to put it in simpler terms then. Yes, I care for the Warrior of Light, because caring for her and caring for the soul within are tantamount to the same thing.”

The Oracle nodded slowly, pursing her lips as she looked back at the hero and we settled into a more comfortable silence, both of us carefully monitoring the Warrior of Light. After a short while, she spoke once more.

“You seemed… to feel what she did. You both fell over at the same time.”

I nodded. “It would not have been an uncommon response, once upon a time. To see and attune to nearby souls was a gift many used to have.”

“So… your soul was attuned to hers because you were so close to her? And when it-”

“When it cracked, he could feel it as if it was his own soul cracking. Such is the nature of the resonance between souls amongst our people,” Elidibus’ voice said, the portal appearing as he spoke and he stepped out. “I do hope you’ll forgive my eavesdropping, I was trying to wait for an opportune time to interrupt. A shame the rest of your _friends_ have left, Emet-Selch.”

“I’m sure they’ll check in shortly, Elidibus,” I curtly replied, my lips a thin line at the realization that I was seemingly being monitored.

Ryne’s eyes darted between us before she stood abruptly and began to pull chairs over closer to the bed. “Maybe… you should… sit down?” she suggested. “Both of you? I’ll… go join the others at dinner.”

“Are you sure your Scions of the Seventh Dawn will be pleased with you leaving your vaunted Warrior of Light alone and defenseless with two of her enemies?” Elidibus nearly purred, his gaze still locked on me, the arch of his brow unmistakeable even behind his mask.

“You’re an emissary,” she replied without skipping a beat. “And she is not conscious to attack you, and even if she was… she wouldn’t. Because... Emet-Selch is our ally.”

“Indeed, it would appear so, wouldn’t it?” Finally, he looked at Ryne and nodded his head. “Thank you for the seat, young Oracle of Light.”

When she had departed, the room fell into a tense silence before Elidibus sighed, and sat down upon the seat that Ryne had brought for him. With a wave of his hand, a small table appeared. There, set atop its surface, was a chessboard.

I arched a brow as he gestured to the game, the seat Ryne had previously occupied now turned to face his. 

“Care to join me? It has been quite some time.”

When I did not react, Elidibus leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms across his chest. “You believe I am monitoring you,” he surmised, astute as always. “Not an outrageous thing to believe, based on recent events.”

“And are you?” I asked, finally approaching the seat and sitting upon it, my fingers steepled in front of my face as I watched him, trying to gain a measure of his mood. 

“I am not, Emet-Selch,” he replied, calmer than I would have expected, given the circumstances. Given what he may have heard.

“So how is it you knew to intervene, when things transpired at the Well?”

He hummed as he brought a hand to his chin. “Yes, I do believe my timing could seem rather suspect,” he offered. “A coincidence would not suffice as an explanation, I suppose.”

Quiet fell between us once more, the Warrior of Light’s labored breathing and the occasional sound of discomfort breaking the stillness of the room. 

“I wavered,” I finally said and he hummed his affirmation. “If only for a moment, my priority shifted.”

“Yet a moment is all it takes. For the balance to shift, to allow me to notice.”

I nodded, lowering my gaze down to the checkered pattern of the chessboard.

“I do not believe you to be disloyal,” he continued. “Not after so many thousands of years, not after all the effort you have given.”

I could feel the tension leave my shoulders with his words and I exhaled a breath, leaning back in my seat and matching his positioning. 

“I… panicked,” I admitted. “I worried she would shatter and I- I couldn’t let-”

“I know it was not from a place of abandoning our convictions. An understandable reaction given your history with her soul,” he said, speaking softly. 

“I would never turn my back on our goal, regardless of who she was,” I murmured before sighing heavily. “I allowed my emotions to cloud my judgement.”

“You have ever been a champion for our cause, Emet-Selch. For the will of Zodiark. Even should your emotions get the better of you once more, I believe you capable enough to control them and do what you must. But do _try_ not to let it happen again.”

I nodded slowly. “You have my word.”

“That’s all I could ever ask for,” he replied before waving his hand once more, the playing field set up for a game of chess, his pieces black to my white. I breathed a laugh and he nodded his head in the direction of the board. “Your move.”

Sometime later, as night fell and the Scions came in one at a time to check on their hero, we fell into a comfortable silence, both of us intently focused on the game. When the time came for the gunbreaker to watch over her, the looks he afforded us were, at the very least, amusing.

“Do you have nothing better to do than to sit around and play chess?” he asked with the roll of his eyes.

“All of the pieces are in motion,” Elidibus responded cryptically, his gaze never leaving the board despite the glares he had been receiving for the entirety of Thancred’s shift. I raised my hand to move a pawn. “I have little more to do now than to wait.”

Thancred clicked his tongue and then fell silent until the time came for the changing of the guard. Needless to say, his departure was a welcome one.

Y'shtola was next, and when she opened the door mere moments after Thancred stormed out, she seemed unimpressed by the pair of Ascians playing chess near the bedside of the Warrior of Light.

“She seems better,” the miqo’te commented as she came to sit on the edge of the bed. “The aether is… less tumultuous, though I’m sure you’ve had some hand in that.”

I nodded my head, but otherwise did not respond.

“Thancred is livid that Elidibus is here,” she remarked calmly when silence descended amongst us. “And I can’t say I wholly understand why he’s here either.”

Elidibus lazily peered over at her after making his next move. “I am here because one of my own was affected by the carelessness of one of yours,” he replied. “Just as you are here to check on your compeer, I am here to check on mine.”

“Yes, Ryne mentioned something of the sort,” she murmured before examining me. “You seem fine, at least. Unscathed.”

I snorted, rolling my eyes. “Yes, well, you also think _she_ is _better_.”

Her expression fell then, eyes darting back to the hero as she carefully watched the aether, her eyes narrowing as she tried to discern more than her eyes would tell her. 

“She is _not_ better,” I murmured, bringing my hand to my chin. “She is anything but, and I’m unsure if my aether is helping or harming her.”

At this, Elidibus glanced at the Warrior of Light, the Darkness I had infused in her beginning to fizzle out from the sheer volume of the Light to oppose it. 

“She will be in pain again soon,” he observed before looking at me once more. “You intend to allow such a thing?”

I frowned, my eyes trained upon the playing field. 

“The aether moves strangely. I’ve always thought so, but now I feel… perhaps I _did_ contribute to her circumstances,” I muttered. “Too many unknowns.”

Elidibus hummed as he considered my words before shrugging his shoulders. “I’m inclined to disagree. The aether moves as it should, given its volume and the fact that it was never meant to be her own.”

“Maybe so, but until I can determine that I am _not_ worsening her circumstances, I will likely abstain. You were right, as you usually are. I shouldn’t have coddled her as I did; perhaps if I hadn’t she would be stronger. More resilient.”

The next hour passed without incident, and when Y’shtola stood from her seat, she blew out a slow breath. “I’ll tell Ryne she doesn’t have to come,” she said softly. “The Warrior of Light is not in danger with you here, after all. I’ll check in tomorrow morning.”

“The vote of confidence is appreciated,” I muttered, waving my hand lazily at her when she departed, though my attention turned to the hero as she rolled onto her side on the bed, curling into a ball as the aether begin to churn with more intensity as the Darkness began to dissipate. 

“You're distracted,” Elidibus commented as he lazily lifted another black piece and moved it.

I hummed, my gaze sliding back to the Emissary. “It's distracting,” I replied with a shrug and he nodded at the chessboard to redirect my attention.

“What, exactly, is contributing to your concern?” he asked, as I carefully examined the pieces, trying to plan my next move. “This idea of yours that you are the cause of the damage?”

“It… is extensive and abrupt,” I said, finally deciding upon a piece, claiming one of his black pawns and he clicked his tongue.

Elidibus was silent for several moments, his gaze trained on the board. The chronometer ticked on the wall and I found my gaze slipping back to the bed, examining the Warrior of Light. Finally, he sighed, his hand hovering over a piece before he finally settled on his next play. 

“It's not entirely unexpected, Emet-Selch,” he murmured. “Par for the course.”

I felt my brows shoot up with unrestrained surprise, watching as he swiped a white pawn from the board. He leaned back as he continued. 

“I wouldn’t be terribly worried, in your position,” he remarked, crossing his arms over his chest as he peered over his shoulder to examine the Warrior of Light for himself. “It will hold for some time yet, and you said previously she was regaining her memories. I’m sure that will continue adequately enough in a timely manner.”

To allow for an Ascension, was the implication behind his words. I blew out a breath, my cheeks puffing out as my eyes slid across the playing field, trying to discern what his next move would be, what I should do in order to counter it. Elidibus always was a challenging opponent.

“I just don’t quite understand _how_ such trauma occurred, and so quickly,” I muttered with a sigh. “She was… nearly intact, and now…”

“She had your aether around her when she absorbed the first orb of Light, did she not?” he asked and I nodded stiffly in response. “One could theorize that your aether saved her from the incurring _more_ damage. At the very least, it _could_ have softened the initial blow.”

My eyes widened with his words, comfort filling me with his determination that my aether was not to blame for the extensive damage to her soul. I nodded, idly moving a piece as the sound of the sheets shifting with movement caught my attention. I watched as she slowly sat up, stretching her arms over her head.

Elidibus chuckled as he observed me, seeing my expression shift with palpable relief. He looked over his shoulder as well, the hero swinging her legs to hang off the side of the bed, her eyes widening slightly at the realization that the Emissary was among us. 

He nodded in her direction as I moved to stand, but stopped short when she shook her head.

“You never left a game unfinished,” she rasped, clearing her throat before peering around the room for the pitcher of water. 

“No need to worry,” Elidibus stated calmly, turning his attention back to the board and moving a final piece. “We were finished. Checkmate.”

The Warrior of Light forced a small smile, rolling her eyes as she finally slid from the bed. “Some things never change, do they?”

“Do you need…?” I started, watching as she slowly shuffled towards the door. She paused only a moment before sheepishly shaking her head. 

“I need the restroom,” she whispered and I nodded, settling back into the seat once more, though my eyes were trained on her soul, watching it flicker erratically with each movement she made. 

“She seems well, all things considered. And I can see now that she seems to remember at least some of our past, based on her reaction,” Elidibus murmured, waving his hand to reset the board. “Another round?”

I shook my head, slowly tearing my gaze from my intense scrutiny. “I… will probably infuse more Darkness in her when she returns.”

“I was of the impression you were unsure if you should continue such infusions,” he remarked with another wave of his hand, the chessboard disappearing entirely into a puff of grey smoke.

“It alleviates her pain,” I replied, watching as she stopped in her tracks, the soul pulsating more rapidly with a wave of pain that undoubtedly overcame her. “And… the only reason I considered ceasing them is because I feared I was… contributing to the problem. If you say that its presence is the reason she remains intact, then...”

Elidibus hummed, bringing a hand to his chin as he watched what he could through the walls, his Sight limited compared to mine. Finally, he stood.

“Her heart and soul seek equilibrium, Emet-Selch,” he said, eyes trained on her when I peered up at him from my seat. “You needn’t waver. All will proceed as it needs to so long as you stay the course.”

“Because the Darkness balances the Light,” I murmured. “But what of Igeyorhm? Her soul was-”

“Sundered, thus tainted by Hydaelyn,” Elidibus interjected. “Still sealed by the Light. However, I feel I must emphasize the importance of making the most of the time you have been given. Do not take it for granted as we have in the past.”

I nodded slowly.

“Equilibrium,” he repeated before opening a portal to his side. “I will give you both some privacy.”

Moments later, the Warrior of Light reemerged with her hand on her chest, gripping the cloth of her undershirt. Her breathing was labored as she glanced around the room, confusion evident in her expression.

“The Emissary is a busy man, Warrior of Light,” I said softly and watched as her gaze slid to me, a small smile spreading across her lips. She made her way back to the bed, sitting on the edge as she faced me.

“Are you… alright?” she asked me, examining me carefully, her fingers still wound in the fabric of her shirt. 

The irony of it. That she would worry for me, given the state of her soul, given how much pain she must be feeling. And yet, it was entirely expected. 

“I am,” I replied, noting the wave of relief that flooded her expression when I spoke the words. She nodded slowly, loosening her hold on her shirt as she calmed. “You needn’t worry about me, Warrior of Light. Regardless of what happens to this vessel, I can return.”

She seemed momentarily taken aback, as if she had forgotten that this body was not my own. When she recovered, she breathed a small laugh. “Right,” she said softly. “Of course.”

There was no use in asking if _she_ was alright, and I could not help but note the small exhale that came with the realization that I would not be asking her to voice that she was unwell. I could tell she was not.

“You should get more rest,” I suggested, nodding my head at the pillow. “Your friends will be back to check on you in the morning.”

Her gaze slid to the pillow and she nodded in response. “You’ll… stay?” 

“If you wish me to,” I replied and she shifted slowly, beginning to lower herself down onto the bed once more, her movements measured and languid, as if every one of her joints ached with each motion.

When she accommodated herself to lay on her side facing me, she gave me a small, forced smile. “Please,” she whispered as she shut her eyes. “You… make me feel better. Just being here.”

“Hmm… if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you only keep me around for my aether, hero.”

Immediately her eyes shot open, widened for only a moment before she narrowed them. “And what if I did?” she whispered playfully. “Would you leave?”

“No,” I replied without hesitation, the conviction in my tone bringing a flush to her cheeks, her lips parting slightly. “I would not, but I’ve already told you that I worry for you.”

“You... were hurt,” she stated after a moment passed, a question clear in her eyes. “After… the Light.” Her hand moved to place it atop her heart. “I could feel you…”

“I was not the one who was hurt,” I whispered in response, leaning forward to place my hand atop hers where it remained over her soul. 

She searched my face for a long while as I steadily allowed the Darkness to seep into her, watching as it coated her soul. Her eyes began unfocusing as sleepiness began to take hold of her mind, though it was clear she was trying to fight it. Her eyelids drooped shut for a moment before she forced them open once more and I breathed a laugh, shaking my head. 

“Sleep, hero. I’ll be here when you wake.”

Mere moments later, the room was filled only with the sound of her deep breathing. I leaned back in the chair, watching her intently, taking note of the damage that had transpired since the events earlier in the day. The chronometer ticked on the wall, a pulse that seemed synchronized with the flickering caused with each beat of her heart. 

Despite the obvious cracks, the largest scoring across the middle of her soul, the edges blurred as its integrity was starting to fail from the sheer strain put upon it by the vast amounts of Light, I found a small comfort in the steadiness of its beating. Proof that, as Elidibus had said, she was alive and well. 

As well as she could be, at least.

But soon, as I continued to watch her soul, the clicking of the clock seemed to be replaced. In its stead was a hint of a rhythmic creaking, my ears finally picking up on the horrifying reality that her soul was straining against a force that was too much for her to bear. With each beat it was as if it screamed from the stress placed upon it.

Suddenly, my vision was overcome with such a tremendous amount of Light. The color of her soul filled the room as a noise that could only be compared to shattering glass suddenly overtook all my senses. Slowly, the Light began to dissipate, spreading to all corners of the room as it lost its intended vessel, and I took in the remnants of what had once been the Warrior of Light’s soul.

“Look what you’ve done,” Elidibus’ voice filled the silence, his hand pressed firmly against my shoulder to hold me down in the seat as I tried to reach for her. 

The faint traces of the color of her soul still flickered within her as her heart continued to beat, but soon came to a stop, the room being filled with darkness that obscured my vision in its entirety.

“You wavered, and this is the result,” he said, his voice echoing through my mind. “She fell apart because you failed to turn her, because your loyalty to Zodiark was weak.”

My eyes flew open as I suddenly sat up in the chair, blinking rapidly to adjust to the faint lighting of the room. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, my breathing labored as my gaze quickly slid to the bed, bracing myself for the worst.

I was immediately flooded with immeasurable relief and I slumped back into the chair, exhaling a deep breath. 

It had been a nightmare. A vivid one, and one that I likely should not ignore… but a nightmare nonetheless. She was asleep—and still very much alive—though her hand was gripping the nightshirt once more, the covers in disarray as she had tossed and turned. 

I raised my hand to wipe the sweat from my brow and as I lowered it, I found myself surprised by the slight tremble. How curious that a dream would affect me so thoroughly… it wasn’t as if the contents of the dream were outside the realm of possibility. I knew the likelihood was that her soul would not hold after the absorption of the first Warden. And yet…

If I failed in my mission, to convince her to seek another path, to convince her to stop meddling upon this shard… 

I slowly lifted my gaze from my shaking palm to take a closer look at the Warrior of Light, frowning when I beheld the furrow in her brow. A soft whimper escaped her lips, and she curled in on herself, her hand pulling at the neckline of her nightshirt.

Just beneath it, I could make out angry red lines, small abrasions in her skin from where she had been desperately scratching at the surface from the roiling and crawling of the aether beneath it… the discomfort of it seemingly maddening. 

I felt a heaviness fill my chest at the realization that she was so obviously being tortured by her circumstances and I leaned forward, grabbing the blanket that she had kicked aside to try to cover her.

She groaned in her sleep, kicking her legs out to reject the cover, a pout on her face as she rubbed her open palm against her chest roughly, a sheen of sweat breaking out on her brow. I glanced at the chronometer on the wall. It had barely been two hours since I last infused her…

Was the Light that potent now? How much would I need to infuse in her to provide any semblance of lasting comfort? Was there any way to… extract it from her? 

Before I could ponder my thoughts any further, she let out a pained cry, her eyes clenched tightly shut. I would need time to sort through all the alternatives, through the possibilities, to consider whether I would discuss things candidly with her now or when she was stronger, in better shape.

For now… I would focus primarily on helping her recover by allowing the comfort of restful sleep. 

Standing from the chair, I leaned down to scoop the Warrior of Light into my arms, before making my way to the large plush armchair placed by the window of her room. As I sat upon it, the hero immediately curled into my lap, her head placed against my chest, though her hands were still grasping at the neckline of her shirt.

I gently grabbed her hands one at a time, coaxing them to release the cloth before holding them together in mine. I marveled at how small she seemed, curled in on herself like this. Seemingly so frail and delicate when I knew she was anything but. Slowly, gently, I placed my hand upon her chest, directly above her soul.

And when I gradually began to filter my aether into her, I watched as her body immediately seemed to relax, her face nuzzling into the fur of my jacket as she sighed contentedly, the faintest of smiles spreading across her face.


	23. Warrior of Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so. It seems you enjoyed the feels of the last chapter. Brace yourselves :3 I am incredibly proud of this one.
> 
> Credit for this chapter goes to Ahro, who gave me a prompt for a one-shot that ended up working so well in this story that we put it in. 
> 
> Also, sexual content!!!

When I woke again, watery sunlight was streaming into the room through the window. With a quiet whine in the back of my throat, I curled further into the warmth that had ensconced me before realizing it was Emet-Selch, his arms wound loosely around my body as he sat in the large, plush armchair I'd had brought into my inn room, holding me in his lap. 

My head rose and fell steadily in time with his chest, and when I moved to make myself more comfortable, his arms tightened around me as he inhaled a deep breath. I tilted my head up so that I could see him, his face relaxed as he slept, resting soundly with his head against the back of the chair. 

I...remembered going to sleep in  _ bed _ ...

I raised my hand to my chest, rubbing the skin through my shirt as it ached with Light, cringing as the skin stung beneath my hand. I lifted the collar of my shirt and looked down, finding scratch marks with beads of dried blood.. 

What...happened? How long had we been here? 

“The sun has barely risen, Warrior of Light,” he mumbled with a sigh, his voice gravelly, the rumble in his chest vibrating against my cheek. When I peered up at him again, he had cracked his eyes open, though he didn’t lift his head, gaze immediately going to the hand on my chest. 

He exhaled a long breath through his nose and slowly lifted his own, twining his fingers with mine, and wrapping both of our arms around my waist.

“You aren’t recovered.” His eyes slid closed again. “Go back to sleep. You’ll have no adventuring today.”

I hummed in agreement and sighed contentedly, laying my head back down. I pulled my hand from his, shifting so that I could wrap my arms around his back and pressed my ear to his chest, letting his heartbeat lull me back to sleep. 

The next days were long. Boring.

At the insistence of not only the Ascian, but my friends as well, I was forced to remain on bed rest until I was strong enough to move about.

I was so used to moving constantly. Training, riding, lifting, _ helping _ .

Sitting still with nothing more to do than read or play card games made my body itch. 

Nearly a week later, when I had felt that I couldn’t sit still any longer, the Exarch  _ finally _ allowed me to come to a meeting. I found myself standing in the Ocular once more, though still a bit weak after my ordeal in Malikah’s Well. All of my friends had been of great help to me, though Emet-Selch never left my side. 

Ryne hurried over to me as I entered, placing her hand on my back to help keep me steady should the need arise. 

“I trust recovery is swift and smooth, my friend?” the Crystal Exarch asked me as I came to a stop in the middle of everyone already gathered. I shrugged my shoulders.

“Yes, I suppose,” I replied. “There’s...still a measure of discomfort but not nearly as bad as a few days ago.” 

He nodded, a fond smile spreading across his lips that made the Ascian behind me click his tongue. If he noticed, the Exarch didn’t comment.

“That is well, and now that we are all present, let us speak of the plan we have discussed in your absence,” he began again, facing the rest of the Scions. “Thus far, we have vanquished four of the Lightwardens. Only one remains, and with Ryne to guide us, I am absolutely certain we will find it.”

The Oracle nodded her head but lifted her hand to her chin in thought. 

“I have a lead already,” she began. “Though, I would like some time to research this possibility before we jump in head first. It...could mean horrible things we did not know were possible if we were right.”

“Of course,” he agreed. “There is boundless, ageless knowledge to be had here in the Tower, wisdom of everywhere and nowhere. Books, manuscripts, anything. You are, of course, welcome to any and everything that may help you on your journey.” She gave him another, curt nod. 

“I have spoken with Thancred about my suspicions, and he will travel to Khoulsia to see if it holds water, but I’m afraid, I wish to keep my concerns to myself until I have some...solid evidence. I don’t want to worry anyone.”

“Do you hear that, Ascian?” Alisaie mused, folding her arms in front of her as she turned to him, a smug smile on her mouth. I exchanged a glance with Y’shtola. “Your dreamed-of Rejoining seems to be in jeopardy. Are you sure you’re not tempted to intervene?” He sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

“I daresay, you still know nothing about my  _ true _ intentions, girl, but you seem to still labor under the misapprehension that vanquishing the sin eaters will save this shard. In a sense, I suppose, you are right, but only for the smallest margin of time.” His eyes roamed around the room, taking in all of their expressions before raising a brow.

“I do suppose I should grant you this  _ small _ concession, close as we’ve all become.” His grin widened as his gaze flicked to me for a moment. I nearly rolled my eyes, trying my hardest to fight the smile attempting to bloom on my face. 

“Well, out with it, then,” Thancred commanded. Emet-Selch chuckled. 

“Each and every one of you is possessed of a noble heart,  _ so _ eager to give succor to those who are in need. I’m afraid, however, your nobility is short-sighted and you tend to...think only of the problem in front of your nose.

“It is not your fault, however,” he continued when Alisaie opened her mouth to argue. Instead, she snapped it shut. “You are merely limited by your ephemeral existence. A broken product of a broken world.”

“Our lives may seem short to you, but one does not need to be an eternal being to achieve lasting change,” Alphinaud interjected, crossing his arms with a frown. The Ascian clicked his tongue once more, raising a finger into the air.

“Stop right there, Scion,” he said, his tone somewhat annoyed. “I do not claim to be  _ special _ . In fact, prior to the Sundering,  _ everyone _ lived nigh for eternity. But, like so much else, this was taken from  _ you _ with the birth of your  _ blessed _ Mother.” He snapped with the hand still raised into the air. The Ocular disappeared around us, our surroundings turning into a night sky with naught but an orb above us.

“As you well know, eons ago the world was one and whole until a great calamity threatened all life,” he continued. “Faced with annihilation, we bore forth Zodiark, and by His power, the order of the planet was restored.”

“As you’ve explained before,” Y’shtola chimed in, raising a hand to her chin as she watched the illusion play out before her. “To keep him in check, Hydaelyn was summoned and the two beings waged war until, with a single devastating blow, Hydaelyn unmade Zodiark, scattering His being across time and space.”

“Indeed,” he replied with a nod. “And that was when our  _ true _ woes began.” He peered up at the mirage of the planet above him, his expression turned sad. “Upon Her summoning, Hydaelyn was given the power to enervate Her foe. This ability does not strike at such banal things as flesh, but  _ everything _ that defines the target, diluting its existence.

“For example, were She to strike you…” He turned to Ryne and snapped again, an illusion of her appearing next to her. The Oracle gasped and took a step back with wide eyes. “Two individuals, identical in appearance, yet reduced by half in all aspects- strength, intelligence, even the soul itself.”

With a wave of his hand, the second Ryne dispersed into particles of energy.

“And...Zodiark was tied not only to the star...but existence itself,” I concluded. Emet-Selch hummed his confirmation, lifting his arm and flicking his wrist. The planet hovering above us cracked, forming thirteen smaller orbs.

“Only three of us were fortunate enough to escape the Sundering.” When he looked to the ground, his already sad expression now bordering on sorrowful, I furrowed my brow, releasing an unsteady breath as I felt the sting of tears in my eyes, my heart squeezing and the Light thrashing ever-so-slightly beneath the Darkness at the turn of my mood. “The rest of you...your souls were split into fourteen feeble fragments, so pale there was nearly no color at all. So frail and unable to live long enough to matter.

“And the worst part,” he went on with a shake of his head. “You were utterly oblivious to your previous existence. Of the lives you once had.”

“So the calamities...and the Rejoinings…,” Y’shtola started. He snapped once more, the illusion fading and the blue, crystal walls of the Ocular returning.

“To restore the natural order of the star. To piece back together  _ your _ souls fragment by fragment so that you may again live as you once did.”

“In a purely Ascian standpoint, what you seek to do is logical,” Y’shtola commented. “But...the immeasurable destruction wrought with each Rejoining...you and yours have murdered  _ millions _ .”

“And yet, even with your fragmented existence, you have given rise to tragedies far crueler than any calamity we have committed, have you not?” He huffed and her mouth snapped shut. “But yes. Moral relativism and all that. Case in point- the Ascians do not consider you to be truly alive, and therefore will not be guilty if they murder you.” He looked to me then, his expression softening.

I brought a hand to my lips as I turned his words over in my mind. The fact that he referred to his people rather than himself did not escape me. 

I lowered my hand as his gaze narrowed in on me.

“Yet, long have I waited for the one who would walk the path of lesser tragedy  _ with _ me.”

Silence descended upon the room with his words, my friends’ eyes honing in on me as his had.

I sucked in a sharp breath, my heart skipping a beat, the intense look in his eyes sending a shiver up my spine. 

“I dare to hope that my wait is over,” he finished, voice barely above a whisper. My lips parted, my surprise evident on my face. 

Lesser...tragedy? Could  _ this _ be his ulterior motive? To find...another way?

Before I could respond, the door opened and Lyna rushed in, the chain of her mail clinking as she ran. I blinked out of my trance at the sound, breaking eye contact with the Ascian. 

She informed us that Eulmore was preparing to be attacked, reinforcing the city.

“You don’t think...Vauthry’s got the Lightwarden  _ inside _ his wall, do you?” Alisaie asked, turning to the Exarch. Thancred and Ryne exchanged a glance. 

“Risky or not, we must act soon. The longer we wait, the better prepared they will be,” the gunbreaker said. 

“Yes, but…,” the Crystal Exarch started, peering over to me. “She is not fully recovered from her previous ordeal. If you were to discover the Warden and she to absorb it...” His attention slid to Emet-Selch for a moment, who shook his head. He lifted a hand to his mouth in thought. “Go to Eulmore and do as you planned. Dispatch any defenses that you can, but do  _ not _ take risks. We will scour the Tower and the Cabinet for whatever research that may be of use and hopefully, we will have something for you upon your return.”

“And what are we looking for, precisely?” Alphinaud asked. 

“Anything to do with the sin eaters and Lightwardens,” Ryne began. “Anything you think that could help, but...more specifically, properties of such a being’s ability to be sentient. If...if it’s possible that they could think and feel and speak… If it's possible that they can be... _ more _ than just a savage creature.” My brow furrowed.

“But that would mean…” Realization lit in my mind and my eyes shot to her. “You don’t think Vauthry is hiding it in Eulmore. You think...he  _ is _ the Lightwarden.” She nodded and silence descended upon the room once more. 

_ I have already given you the clues you require _ . 

_ I recommend avoiding the meol. _

_ I imagine this is what a parent with a spoiled child feels like _ .

I turned to Emet-Selch, who stood at the back of the room with his arms crossed, watching me closely. He gave me the slightest of nods and my stomach dropped. 

I knew he had known all along. He had said as much, didn’t he? And I had never inquired further…

“Please, don’t get anxious,” Ryne insisted, breaking me from my thoughts. I looked down at her as she put her hand on my arm. “We don’t even know if something like this is possible yet. And if it is, he has ruled over these people for  _ years _ . I very much doubt anything will change just because we have this information.”

I hummed and nodded. “Okay,” I agreed, quietly. “I’ll sit tight and get better so we can finish this. Just…” I gripped her shoulders, then lifted my head to look at Thancred. “Be careful.”

“Of course,” he answered with a soft smile. He exchanged a glance with Ryne, who nodded. I dropped my arms and the both of them quickly exited the Crystal Tower to prepare the gunbreaker for his journey.

“Alisaie and I will go ahead to the Cabinet,” Alphinaud announced. “Why don’t the rest of you start looking here?”

As the twins departed, the Ascian made a quiet exit and the Exarch took me into the depths of the tower where he kept shelves upon shelves, rooms upon rooms, of literature, some ancient, some old, some new. Some even yet to be written.

“Take as long as you require,” he insisted before moving on to another room with Y’shtola and Urianger on his heels.

I got to work immediately, tossing books to the center of the room as I searched thoroughly. As I stood on the tips of my toes, eyes roving the different spines, I reached for one. It was tightly packed onto the shelf and I pulled roughly, the book next to it falling to the floor as it came loose. 

With a click of my tongue, I tossed the book in my hand and bent to pick up the other, hands brushing over the cover as I quickly read the title. My breath caught. 

_ On the Properties of Tempering and Untempering. _

Un...tempering? My lips parted as I lifted the book from the floor, my previous concerns all but forgotten. 

Was that... _ possible _ ?

I flipped open the book, looking for a date of any kind. 

During my previous travels, those who had been tempered to a primal had been put to death, as they would remain that way for their entire life- obsessively devoting their entire being to the will of the god. I had...witnessed this happen back in the early days of my adventuring, with Ifrit and the soldiers of the Immortal Flames.

I slid my hands over the words as my mind continued to spin with possibilities. Emet-Selch’s face flashed in my mind. I knew that he was tempered. He had told me once that there was no resisting such power. 

What would it take, I wonder, to break the tempering of such a being…?

But if I could… We could…

Quickly, I gathered the books I had and made for my room. 

The Ascian was not there when I arrived. I didn’t have a clue where he had run off to, but this time I was thankful. 

I tossed the other books aside before diving into the one my mind was focused on.

I continued poring over the words, forehead resting against my palm, when I heard the hum of a portal opening behind me. I looked up and over my shoulder as Emet-Selch stepped through and into the room. My eyes slid to the window behind him- I hadn’t even realized the sun had begun to set. 

“Disappointed to see me, are you?” he asked, smugness laced in his voice as he stepped up to my chair. I casually lifted my arms and leaned forward, covering the print in the book, trying to remain nonchalant. “I can’t say I’m remorseful. You  _ know _ all you had to do was ask…” 

“I’m not mad,” I sighed. I wasn’t. Honestly, I should not have been surprised, even if he had a hand in...however Vauthry was created. It is... _ was _ ...his mission, wasn’t it? How hadn’t I even  _ thought _ of the possibility beforehand? “Besides, when have I ever been disappointed to see you?” He hummed and leaned over my shoulder, running his nose along the back of my ear.

“I could think of a time or two,” he mused. A smile tugged at my lips, thinking back to when he first revealed himself to me and how badly I wanted to hate him back then. 

“Don’t excite me,” I teased, leaning into his touch. “I’m  _ supposed _ to be recovering, aren’t I?” He chuckled, his breath hot in my ear, causing a shiver to rise up my spine.

“And what is that you’re reading?” he asked, eyes roving the spots my arms did not cover. “Did you find anything of use to your friends about-”

I snapped the cover shut and breathed a laugh. “Nothing much,” I answered, but when I looked up at him, he was still staring at the book, amber eyes wide, lips parted. “What?”

“What...is that book, hero?” he asked, a deep frown forming on his mouth, his mood shifting in less than a moment. 

“I don’t-”

He reached forward, easily brushing one of my hands from the cover as he read the title. I renewed my grip on the book and pulled it into my lap.

“It’s nothing-”

“Where did you get this?” the Ascian hissed, quickly snatching it from my fingers. I twisted to face him, reaching for it again, but he stepped back, out of arms’ length before looking down at it. He turned it over in his hands, examining it carefully, cautiously, as if it were something to be feared. 

“It was in the Crystal Tower.” He huffed an unamused laugh as he threw it back on the table as if it would poison him, the centerpiece rattling with the impact. 

“Of course it was,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes and standing straight. “It’s ‘nothing’, is it?”

“You know what it is?” I asked with a furrowed brow, turning back to where the book had landed.

“ _ Of course _ I know what this is, hero,” he nearly snarled, his voice disgusted. “I was  _ there _ when it was written. This book should have  _ remained lost. _ ” I blinked back my surprise.

“S-so, you wanted to see if there was a way...to break Zodiark’s-”

“Do  _ not _ presume to understand the reasons for such research. I assure you, you are  _ far _ from the mark.”

“I only thought-”

“No, you didn’t,” he shot at me, crossing his arms over his chest, looking down on me as if I was a child that needed a scolding. “You don’t  _ ever _ think, Warrior of Light. Walking headfirst into danger without a second thought, without  _ truly _ knowing what you’re getting into. Did you even plan on  _ asking _ me about it before attempting it?” I bristled at the tone he used with me and he huffed an unamused laugh and shook his head. “Bull-headed and stubborn through and through.”

“I only wanted to surprise you if-”

“It cannot work. It’s  _ impossible _ .”

“You know it’s not. Not according to the studies.”

“Oh? And what sort of  _ menial _ gods were these subjects enthralled to again?”

“It  _ did _ work, though. You found a way.”

“And did you read on?” he asked, motioning to the book once more. I could feel his temper continuing to rise as I continued to argue with him, the air in the room alight with frustration. “Did you read of the horrific side-effects of those who attempted such a feat?”

“Oh, please,” I huffed with a cocky grin, attempting to lighten the mood. “I’m much stronger than any of those-”

“You could  _ die _ . Even if you were to attempt this at full strength, at full health, your very soul could  _ shatter _ . It is already on the verge of doing so.”

“I  _ wouldn’t _ die,” I insisted with a roll of my eyes, pulling the book to myself once more. “You’re just being dramatic. I have  _ all _ of this Light and nothing to-”

“No.”

“You didn’t seem to care about the lives of the others before you began these experiments,” I continued, looking down at it, fingers sliding down the cover. “You don’t  _ care _ about our ephemeral existences. Isn’t that what you said? That we’re nothing more than a mistake. That... _ I’m _ nothing more than a rock in your shoe.” 

I looked up to him, expecting an answer. Surely, even though I shared a soul with someone he cared deeply for, the vessel it currently inhabited could  _ not _ be any different to him than these test subjects had been- fragmented, broken. Merely a whisper of what it used to be.

But, I  _ was _ powerful enough to handle this. He  _ had _ to see that.

And if I  _ were _ to die, assuming my soul remained intact, I would just be reborn again. He could...find me again.

He wanted to walk the path of lesser tragedy. What better way to walk that path than to try and free him of his binding?

The Light...would shatter my soul anyway, right? So, why...

His jaw ticked as he tried to reign in his anger at my words, refusing to answer my question. 

“No,” he said again, with finality, his voice low and dark. I frowned, setting the book down again and standing from my chair, taking a step towards him. 

“But if this worked-,” I tried, my voice gentle and soothing. He threw his arms up with a frustrated groan, his temper finally getting the better of him.

“Why must you insist on throwing yourself into harms’ way over and over without  _ truly _ considering the consequences of your actions?”

“Wouldn’t the risk be worth it if you-”

“No!” he shouted at me suddenly, causing me to jump. Silence descended between us as I paused, staring at him with wide eyes, mouth hanging open at the forcefulness of his tone. Finally, he slumped as he rubbed his face with one hand. “Thank you, hero. Truly, I am grateful for the time and effort you have expended on this matter.” His words turned sad, defeated, his gaze falling to the window at his side. 

“But maybe, just  _ maybe,  _ I would not consider the risk  _ worth it _ if it meant your death. Your soul... _ you _ ...are...” He heaved a deep sigh. “More important to me than you realize.”

My brow furrowed again as I tried to process his words. My mouth closed, then opened...and closed again. 

_ What? _

There was a shift between us. A realization. He...I knew that had cared for me, that he worried for me. He had said as much. 

But...I had always assumed it was for nothing more than my  _ soul _ . 

“But it…,” I started, hands clenching into fists, my eyes falling to my feet. “It could mean your freedom. And we could…”

As I spoke, he closed the distance between us. He gathered my face in his hands, forcing me to look up at him again. 

“And we could what, Warrior of Light?” he asked, his voice soft but insistent. “What would my freedom be worth if you were not here to share it with me? Even if your soul remained intact...If  _ you _ were to die… You would remember nothing of me upon rebirth. It took me _ thousands upon thousands _ of years to find you again. It could take thousands upon thousands to do so once more.”

My face flushed at his words, tears springing to my eyes as I examined his face. I swallowed, trying to stay the sob that was clawing its way up my throat. I placed one of my hands over his.

“But…you could...,” I attempted, not wanting to give up this argument. I  _ wanted _ to help him. I didn’t want him to suffer any longer. If he would just let me try-

I was the hero. This was...the type of thing I was meant for, right? Saving those that I cared for?

...That I loved?

My whole body stilled at the realization. I...

But he sighed once more, leaning closer to me until our noses touched.

“Instead, hero, why don’t we just enjoy the time we have left?” he said, voice barely above a whisper. 

The time we had left…?

The sob slipped out as I released an unsteady breath, closing my eyes as the water welling in my eyes began sliding down my cheeks. 

“I don’t-” My voice broke as the floodgates opened, all of my fears quickly finding their way to the surface of my consciousness. Every doubt, every suspicion clawing its way to the forefront of my mind, the Light in my chest erratic, reminding me that there was, indeed, a finite amount of time before…

And-and even if I had not absorbed this aether, I would surely die some other way during my travels. To Black Rose, to old age…

_ I _ was  _ not _ eternal.

My eyes slid open once more as I let my tears stream freely, searching his eyes for  _ any _ hint that this would end the way we wanted. Any chance that this could  _ last _ . I would take any and all assurances that he would give me, even if they were lies.

What I would give in this moment to just be  _ us _ .

But he could not give them to me. Emet-Selch...only spoke the truth. All I found in his eyes was a surprising amount of uncertainty that matched my own. 

And my heart shattered.

“I don’t want this to end,” I finally admitted, my face crumpling as my fingers tightened around his hand. 

And  _ truly _ I didn’t. 

I did not want to face the possibility of a day where we would stand opposite each other on the battlefield, unable to stay our hands any longer, no matter what we felt for each other.

That time was fast approaching, the heavy weight in my chest, thrashing wildly with Light, was proof enough. 

From the beginning, he spoke of cooperation. But... was it truly possible?

How long before he was forced to put his foot down? How long until he made his true intentions known to me? He had told me his plans were not what I thought them to be, but now that we had come so far on our journey, what would happen, when his scheme had been thwarted entirely and I housed the entirety of that searing white aether inside of me? How quickly would Zodiark whisper in his ear and turn him against me, no matter what we shared?

How long until my soul cracked completely and I would be nothing but particles on the wind, wiped entirely from existence? 

I could feel the Light writhing more violently with my panic as my breathing became shallow and quick. I gripped the material of my shirt, tears of pain and despair dripping from my chin in abundance.

I didn’t...want to die. I didn’t want him to die. 

What was I supposed to do? I could  _ not _ stray from my path, as he could not stray from his, but... 

He wiped the water away from my cheeks with his thumbs and lifted my head further to meet him. He firmly pressed his lips to mine and I sucked in a sharp, surprised breath through my nose. I felt as his soul encased mine in an attempt to console me, warm and familiar and loving. The unnatural aether inside of me reacted in kind, calming slightly at his touch.

“You needn’t be afraid, hero,” he whispered against my mouth, feeling the fear radiating from deep within me. “We  _ will _ figure it out.”

My arms immediately went around his neck, desperately clutching him to myself with all of my strength. I let myself hope that he was right. That when this ended, we would still be here, together. 

He released my face as he kissed me, arms wrapping around my back. He lifted me, holding me as close as he possibly could, with the same need that I housed in myself. My legs wrapped around his waist, hooking together at the small of his back as I returned his affections with water still streaming down my face. His hands travelled down my body and slid over my backside to help support me as I opened my mouth for him, wanting to taste him, the salt of my tears getting caught between us.

He took two steps forward, gently placing me atop the table, one hand going to the book and swatting it away with a force that caused it to drop off the edge, landing on the floor with a  _ thud _ . 

He leaned over me, pushing me back until my back was flat on the wood, one of his elbows on the table to support his weight. He broke away from my mouth, trailing light, tingling kisses over my jaw and down my throat. His free hand began slowly unfastening the buttons down the front of my shirt, his lips following in their wake, infusing his cool, dark energy into my burning body as he continued. 

I arched my back when he reached the skin between my breasts, a small, strangled whine escaping me as I rolled my hips against his, an ache growing between my legs. He hummed his approval as he moved downward to my navel.

I reached down to grip his chin, pulling him back up to me. He breathed a laugh before meeting me again, his hand delving into the open lapels of my shirt, pushing it away to reveal my chest in its entirety before taking one breast in his hand and kneading the soft flesh with his fingers until the peak of my nipple hardened. 

I groaned against his lips, shuddering at the feeling, my abdomen jerking against him. He huffed another laugh through his nose at my reaction before reaching behind him, prompting me to loosen my legs. 

I did as he requested, letting them fall from his waist and hang off the edge of the table before he began inching the pants and smallclothes down my legs. I lifted my hips to aid him, and when they were lying in a heap on the ground, he stepped back between my legs and pressed his mouth to mine again, hungry now, as his hands freely roamed my body. 

I slid my hands into his overcoat, pushing it off his shoulders. He shrugged out of it without breaking away from me, letting it drop to the floor with my pants. My fingers deftly began unbuttoning his tunic and when it hung open, that too was left lying on the ground. I drew my fingernails down the length of his torso, fingers sliding over the solid planes of his chest and stomach, earning me a soft rumble in his chest, a shiver running through his body at my touch. I smiled against his mouth, dragging my nails back upwards. 

As he continued to kiss me, he pressed his hips flush against mine, his growing desire for me made clear even through the material of his pants. I wrapped my legs around him again and ground against him, rubbing myself against the fabric.

He groaned unsteadily against my lips before reaching between us with one hand to unfasten his pants. He didn’t bother removing them completely, only deigning to push them down mid-thigh.

He rubbed his arousal through my folds to tease me, shuddering at the wetness he found pooled between my legs, before tearing his lips from mine and standing straight. His hands gripped my thighs and pulled my backside off the edge of the table, slightly lifting my hips into the air and finally sought entrance, easily sinking himself inside of me in one quick thrust.

I gasped when he filled me to the hilt, back arching off the surface of the wood. He hummed as he watched my reaction, his golden eyes hooded with lust, but alight with excitement, the fierce intensity of his gaze making my breath catch. 

We both paused, staring at each other with heavy breaths before he slowly leaned back over me, his hands sliding under me, gathering me tightly in his arms. His lips met mine once more in a deep, gentle kiss as his hips began moving against mine, his pace carefully measured and achingly slow, drawing the feeling of me around him out as long as he could, as if this was the last time we would ever be afforded together.

My arms wrapped around his neck, one hand fisting in his hair as he continued this unhurried speed. I broke away from his mouth, burying my face in the crook of his neck as each languid thrust pulled quiet moans from my lips, each breath I heaved unsteady, nearly weeping at the tenderness he treated me with.

Desperation tore through me as a cry slipped out.

I did not want this to end.

Sensing the shift between us, his arms tightened around me, hugging me to him as he breathed assuring words in my ear, leaving tiny, reverent kisses along the shell. 

He hauled me up with him, my arms slipping from his neck and winding around his back. I pressed my forehead to his shoulder as his pace picked up slightly, one hand threading within the strands of my hair as he cradled my head, my breath coming out in short puffs against his skin. 

But when my tears started falling anew, the drops sliding down my cheeks, he removed his hand, instead moving the fingers under my chin, tilting my head up so my eyes met his.

My heart broke at the softness I found in them as he searched my face. A gentleness I had never witnessed in him before. My chin trembled, the way he was looking at me affecting me in ways I didn’t understand-

His grip on my face tightened when he saw it.

“Don’t be afraid,” he repeated, quietly, his voice no higher than a whisper.

I inhaled an unsteady breath and nodded, leaning into him to press my lips against his. 

I clung to him tightly as his thrusts came faster and faster, continuously hitting the right spot, breathy moans turning into quiet cries. I laid back on the table again, his hands going to my hips, fingers digging into my skin as he grunted from the exertion, movements wild and desperate as he sought release. 

I gripped the edge of the table, nails scratching against the wood as my back arched, releasing a strangled cry as I let my climax take me, giving myself over to him entirely. 

His soul reached out to mine once more, enveloping me in that familiar, loving embrace as he was thrust over the edge himself, releasing inside of me with a low, unsteady moan. 

When he was finished, he pulled himself out of me, but leaned over me again, pressing his forehead to mine, his eyes sliding shut. I raised one of my hands to cup his cheek and he turned his head into my touch. 

We said nothing as we caught our breath, for there was nothing to say that we had not already conveyed to each other simply by being in each others’ arms. 


	24. Emet-Selch

“Are you sure you should be doing that?”

The Warrior of Light huffed as she buckled her other boot, having just struggled to put on the first one. 

“I need to get training,” she muttered, looking around the room for the rest of her gear, her hands on her hips. 

“You’re winded just putting on _shoes_.”

She faltered mid-stride, looking over at me with a clear lack of amusement. “I need to-”

“Yes, _yes_ ,” I interjected. “You need to train. For whatever comes next.”

“The final Lightwarden,” she said as she adjusted her bracers, with far too much confidence.

I snorted in response, coming to stand from my position on the plush chair by the window, a location that we frequented of late. She seemed to feel better when she felt the warmth of the sun as she slept.

“What?” she asked with a sigh. 

“Nothing, hero,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders. “I suppose I’ll accompany you. Someone ought to keep an eye on you.”

“If you’re so bothered by my decisions, I’m sure the others wouldn’t mind being my _babysitter_ in your stead,” she snapped back and I arched a brow at her tone.

The chronometer clicked thrice on the wall before I sighed. 

“Here,” I muttered, deftly removing my earring from my lobe. “It seems to fade too quickly, and I won’t tolerate your rudeness irrespective of how uncomfortable you feel.”

She averted her gaze, wrapping her arms around herself and I focused on infusing the small stone in the earring with as much aether as it could hold before extending my arm to offer it to her. “Go on. Take it so that you may _train_.”

She slowly slid her gaze back to me, her eyes flicking down to my outstretched hand before she frowned. “I’m sorr-”

“No apologies,” I said, shaking the small piece of jewelry. “You needn’t apologize to _me_ for the things you’ve wrought upon your own soul.”

With a small nod, she reached her hand out and slowly accepted the earring before reaching up to fasten it to her own ear. Immediately, I could see the effect take root and I sighed. 

“Truthfully…” I started, crossing my arms over my chest as I examined her from head to toe. “I must insist that you rest another day.”

She scoffed, her mood lightened. “You didn’t seem overly concerned with my need to _rest_ the last few nights.”

I could feel my brows raise with mild surprise before my lips pulled into a smirk.

“Yes, well, if you’d like to shirk your responsibility to recuperate in a similar fashion _now_ , do let me know. I’d much prefer it to this training nonsense.”

A faint blush crossed her cheeks. I arched a brow, turning sideways to gesture to the bed in a clear offer of implied activities. Her lips parted slightly and she appeared to consider my offer for a moment. 

“I’m sure you would prefer it,” she quipped finally. “I have no doubt I probably would too. But-”

I groaned, lowering my arms to my sides. I knew defeat when I heard it.

“You need more time,” I insisted, interrupting her. “Pushing yourself will amount to nothing but a setback.”

“There _is_ no time,” she retorted, turning on her heel and wrenching the door open. “Thancred’s already left for Eulmore; it’s only a matter of time before he returns.”

“So what? He confirms that the Lightwarden is housed within the city walls. Then you march down there and trounce the final Warden? Do you think you _could_ manage such a feat? Against all odds?”

“I always have,” she said softly, her hand sliding down the wood of the door before coming to rest against her side. “Besides… what choice do I have?”

I faltered then, a sense of understanding suddenly washing over me. She _could not_ relent, she _could not_ stop. No more than I could.

“I don’t know the answer to that question, Warrior of Light,” I finally replied, unable to contain the hint of sadness that seeped into my voice and she looked over her shoulder at me. 

She searched my expression for a moment before giving the smallest shake of her head and looking back to the hallway, her decision made, her resolve hardened. Without another word, she left the room, the door clicking shut behind her.

Not long after, I waited outside the large doors leading to the Ocular, waiting to see if the ‘Exarch was available’. When I finally was allowed entry, I found the man standing with his back to the door, his gaze trained on the looking glass before him.

The image yet remained unclear and I could not restrain the chuckle that escaped me. 

“I’m curious, Exarch,” I started and he looked over his shoulder at me. “Have you attempted to look elsewhere?”

His lips parted slightly before he looked back at the image, having it shift to the various citizens of the Crystarium, the image immaculate and crisp. 

“What brings you here, Emet-Selch?” he asked, his tone failing to veil the annoyance he felt.

“She’s training,” I informed him. “And my presence was not explicitly requested. Thus, I am here.”

“I see.”

After a moment, he sighed, tapping his staff on the ground, the image vanishing. He slowly turned toward me. 

“Truth be told,” he said, back to his usual cordial self. “I assumed you needed to be nearby for the image to warp in such a way. And then you claimed _you_ wanted privacy...”

“I am rather fond of keeping secrets.”

I could feel the weight of his gaze as he examined me intently, his lips pressed into a firm line.

“Then again…” I began, taking a couple of steps toward him. “So are you, it would seem.”

He bristled slightly as I lowered my head slightly, attempting to catch a glimpse beneath his cowl. 

“Yes, there are some things which I prefer to keep to myself,” he replied and I smirked, standing straight once more.

“Won’t even reveal yourself to your beloved hero?” I mused as he turned away. ”She hasn't much time left, you know.”

The Exarch fell silent, bringing a hand to his chin. “It’s interesting to hear genuine emotion when you speak of her,” he offered in return and my smirk immediately dissipated. “How intriguing that an Ascian would care so deeply for an enemy.”

“You’ll find I'm full of such surprises.”

“If she means so much, and she hasn't much time left,” he continued, and I could feel his eyes on me in the mirror before us as he watched my reactions. “Then why waste your time with me, Emet-Selch?”

I clenched my jaw slightly, watching as it was the Exarch’s turn to smirk. “For one who claims to have her well-being in mind, you do a horrendous job at keeping her out of trouble,” I replied stiffly. “Surely you knew the impact of this quest you have set her on.”

“And how would I know such things?”

I raised my hand slowly, snapping my fingers. In the air in front of me was the tome the Warrior of Light had found in the lower levels of the Crystal Tower. 

“Fascinating book. Have you read it?”

His attention slid to the reflection of the book suspended in the air but for only a moment before he responded.

“The principles of tempering have nothing to do with the Lightwardens or Sin Eaters,” he said, his focus returned to me.

“Perhaps not. But upon wandering the many shelves of your extensive library, I did stumble across a variety of tattered scrolls, among them extensive research done on the effects of exorbitant amounts of aether on a soul. You did not do this _blindly._ ”

“That library is not for anyone to peruse,” he remarked with a frown. “Nor do many know where it is located.”

I nodded with enthusiasm, placing my hands on my hips. “One of the many perks, I'd wager, of being among those who designed this great and wondrous structure.”

“I see,” he murmured. “So you had a hand in Allag, as well.”

I hummed, reaching my hand out and finally plucking the levitating book from the air. 

“As I was saying, the scrolls were dated some ways into the future from the current date on the Source,” I continued, speaking softly as he tightened his grip on his staff. “Oh, but don't worry. Your little secret is safe with me. Though it is something definitely worth exploring.”

I paused, watching his stance tense further before waving my free hand dismissively.

“Though perhaps at a different time,” I mused as I held the book up slightly. “I am curious, however, as to how you came across this particular piece of misguided literature?”

He turned then, facing me again. “Buried in some old ruins,” he informed me, trying to keep his voice nonchalant. I exhaled forcefully through my nose.

“It did not strike you as _odd_? That a perfectly well preserved book… was hidden away in a drawer of some ancient ruins?”

“It certainly did strike me as such. It clearly was placed there so it would never be found.”

“And yet, upon making such an observation and reading its contents, you still decided to _keep_ it?”

“There is a plethora of knowledge within these walls, Ascian. You are the last person I should have to explain this to. It was kept because it will serve a purpose.”

At his words, I could feel my patience wearing thin. “Which would be… _what_ exactly? To fill the Warrior of Light’s head with nonsensical fantasies that she, with her fractured and incomplete soul, could somehow survive attempting an untempering?”

The Exarch was silent for only a moment before bringing his hand to his chin. “I suspected one of you would have had a hand in such a tome. How fortunate that you could confirm it for me.”

I clicked my tongue, my hand gripping the spine of the book more tightly as I lowered it to my side. 

“If she does something reckless,” I whispered, lowering my gaze to the floor for a moment as I tried to rein in my anger. With a deep sigh, I looked back at the Exarch. “If she makes an irreversible and fatal decision, _you_ will be the one I blame. I will show you no mercy.”

Without another word, I summoned a portal between us and stepped through, my free hand clenched into a fist at my side.

When I emerged on the other side, it was atop a bough in the depths of Lakeland. I took a quick survey of my surroundings, having scouted the Warrior’s location solely from the brightness of her soul.

Her sigh filled the air and I glanced over my shoulder to see her lowering her weapon. “Come to lecture me on how I should take it easy?” she muttered, putting the weapon away as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Not at all,” I replied coolly, sitting down upon the branch and leaning against the trunk of the tree. “Had a nice chat with your Exarch, and now I’ve decided I wish to enjoy the fresh air whilst keeping you company.”

She frowned. “A chat?”

“Mm-hm,” I confirmed, raising the book and flipping it open to the first page. “Just voicing some concerns.”

She was silent for a moment. “You’re just trying to get a rise out of me. Aren’t you?”

I peered over the top of the book, arching a brow. “And what, pray tell, gave you that idea?”

With a groan and a roll of her eyes, she threw her arms up before turning away from me. A moment later, she was back to her drills, and we fell into a tense silence as I began to scan the words upon the pages of the book.

It had been thousands of years since it was written, and hundreds since I had hidden it away beneath the old ruins of Amaurot upon the Source. And even with my exorbitant amount of effort to further bury the ruins from prying explorers… somehow it had been found.

Although, it was difficult to discern just how far in the future the Exarch had traveled from. Though the scrolls were not dated _extremely_ far ahead of the current date, it was still enough years that it left questions in my mind. And with years of time, with any calamities that had ensued… perhaps the land had changed enough by then to unearth them.

My conversation with him had not been extraordinarily fruitful either. I did not consider the possibility that even with his lack of vision, he could still discern how much time I had been spending with the Warrior of Light. And he was extraordinarily observant, picking up on changes in my body language, in my tone of voice.

“You seem annoyed,” her voice brought me from my thoughts and I lowered the book to my lap, peering down at her as she came to stop beneath the bough.

“I am.”

“Care to elaborate?” 

“Not particularly.” I raised the book once more, flipping the page. “You do not seem to care for my concerns enough to actually listen, so I shan’t waste my breath.”

I heard her feet shuffle on the ground, followed by a grunt and a soft thud as she sat at the base of the tree. “Is there a reason, then, that you’re bothering to read that book? If you were there when it was written?”

“I may have been present when it was written, Warrior of Light, but that does not mean I deign to remember every word upon its pages. It’s been quite some time.”

“But surely you remember the gist of it,” she surmised and I hummed my affirmation. “Then why read it? What could you hope to glean?”

“The finer details, to make sure I can watch out for any foolishness on your part,” I muttered, turning the page once more. “If I know what’s within these pages down to the letter, I can better predict your next move.”

“And what makes you think I’d even read it to learn how to-”

“Haven’t you already? While you thought I was asleep?”

She fell silent then and I exhaled sharply through my nose. “You are a very loud pageturner.”

“And you’re very good at faking sleep,” she muttered, though the accusation in her voice was not lost to me.

I snorted, lowering the book to my lap once more and looking down at her. “Could _you_ sleep deeply? If someone in _your_ condition was under your care?”

She flushed slightly, averting her gaze and I lifted the book again. 

“I was not _faking_ , hero,” I murmured. “I simply cannot sleep _well_. Worried as I am.”

“So… you’re annoyed with _me_ then,” she finally said, speaking softly. 

“Partially,” I admitted with a sigh. “Some of my annoyance is directed towards myself, but mostly, yes. Because you do not listen. Because you are stubborn to a fault.” Not that she could help it.

“I… I just want…” she trailed off and I peered down at her to see her fidgeting with her fingernails. “If there was a way to…”

“Save me?” I asked and she nodded slightly. “Did you ever consider perhaps I do not _wish_ to be saved?”

“But… why not? If I was tempered I would-”

“Aren’t you?” I interjected, perhaps more harshly than I intended. 

She huffed, shaking her head. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“You refuse to listen to reason. You march to the beat of some unknown drum perpetually driven to _save_ people. Even your enemies. For the Light. For all that is good and just in the world. But did you stop and try to consider if it’s what _you_ really want? Or is it just what you think your _Mother_ wants you to do?”

She glared up at me, her eyes narrowed, face red with indignation. “I am _not_ tempered,” she insisted, a warning in her tone.

“What makes you so certain? How can you be so sure that _I_ am?”

“You told me you were.”

“Yes, but if I had not _told_ you that I was, what in my behavior would lead you to believe that I am? I am no mindless thrall, I make my own decisions,” I retorted and she opened her mouth to interrupt but I held a hand up and she faltered. “Tempered or not, I would be loyal to Zodiark, because the star was doomed without Him. So how are you _so sure_?”

“I… because Hydaelyn wouldn’t-”

“Wouldn’t what? Seize control of her minion to be Her Word? Use them for Her own machinations and schemes? Did you hear that from the Mother Herself, I wonder?”

She paused then before she looked down at her lap. I could nearly see her mind churning, her soul flickering as her heart rate accelerated. 

“I do not mean to alarm you, Warrior of Light,” I stated, placing the book on the branch before floating down to kneel before her. “Nor do I take pleasure in arguing with you day in and day out. But it’s time you truly take stock of your circumstances and face them with all the pieces of the puzzle.”

She nodded her head slowly, her gaze still locked on her lap and I sighed, reaching for her chin to tilt her face up toward mine. “I will not stand idly by and watch you sacrifice yourself for the cause of a goddess who does not tell you the truth.”

“I… I don’t think…” She trailed off, furrowing her brow. “Isn’t there a way that I would _know_ I was?”

I hummed, tilting my head. “I do not presume to know what a tempering to Hydaelyn would be like, but… my understanding is you hear Her voice, do you not?”

“Well, _yes_ , but She only ever tells me to hear, think, feel. It’s never a command-”

“Isn’t it?” I said, cutting her off. “A being of free will should not need a deity to tell them to enact free will.”

Her eyes widened slightly and she pulled her chin from my grasp to look back down at her lap once more.

Silence stretched between us. Finally, she looked up, immense sadness and uncertainty filling her expression.

“I’m done training for the day,” she whispered and I nodded slightly, reaching up to cup the side of her face. She leaned away from my touch, her eyes continuing to avoid mine. “I’m tired and I don’t feel well.”

I pursed my lips. “Would you like me to take you back?”

When we returned to the Crystarium, it was in time for the guard, Lyna, to inform us that dinner would be served momentarily. Though she eyed me warily, distrust heavy in her gaze, she turned to extend the invitation to me, as well.

“You needn’t burden yourselves with setting a plate out for me,” I replied and she gave me a curt nod before turning on her heel.

The Warrior of Light glanced up at me as we continued our trek to the dining hall before sighing. “You should eat something,” she said, matter-of-factly, whatever distance she had put between us seeming to fade away. “Even if _you_ don’t need to eat, your _vessel_ does.”

“That may be so,” I mused. “But I use such minimal amounts of energy, hero. I will be fine skipping this particular bland meal, I assure you.”

She frowned, her hand coming up to fiddle with my earring still affixed to her lobe. “You’ve used _significant_ aether today,” she retorted as we entered the room, most of her companions already in their seats. They glanced up upon hearing her voice, tensing when my presence was noted.

I chuckled, shaking my head. “Significant for _you_ perhaps.”

“I find it hard to believe that you don’t need to eat something after using this much-” Before she could finish her thought, the Warrior of Light stumbled, losing her footing. I shot my arm out to steady her, her hands immediately gripping the fabric of my sleeve.

When she was stabilized, she huffed, her cheeks a deep red as she gingerly released my arm. “You don’t need to treat me like I’m a decrepit old woman, Emet-Selch,” she mumbled, looking down at her shirt to straighten it in an attempt to avert her gaze.

“Hmmm, perhaps if you didn’t have the clumsiness of one, I wouldn’t have to, my dear,” I mused and she snapped her gaze back to meet mine, the intense fire within them coaxing me to grin down at her. “But until you’ve regained your capacity to walk…”

From the table, Y’shtola’s voice chimed in, clearly attempting to hold back a laugh, “For a hero of her caliber, she has notoriously been on the… less coordinated side, I’m afraid.”

Immediately, the hero’s ire was redirected to her friend, who raised her hands in mock surrender, shrugging slightly. 

“How comforting that some aspects of a person never change,” I murmured, moving a hand to tuck a stray lock of her hair behind her ear, the redness of her cheeks spreading to the tips of her ears with the motion. 

I could hear the female twin click her tongue, a sharp sigh following it from her brother beside her. 

“Could you do us a favor, Emet-Selch?” she asked, leaning back in her chair with a huff, her arms crossed over her chest. “If this is an act, would you kindly drop it? It’s nauseating and unsettling.”

I arched a brow at the girl, offering my hand to the Warrior of Light to continue escorting her to the table. 

“I’m not sure I understand what you’re getting at,” I said once the hero hesitantly accepted my hand and we made our way to our seats. 

“You’re not supposed to be _sweet_ ,” she hissed, to which her brother’s shoulders began to shake.

“And how is he supposed to be?” he asked her through barely restrained laughter. “I’m just as uncertain with regards to his sincerity, but did you expect a moustache-twirling villain?”

Beside me, the Warrior of Light nodded. “I can see where she’s coming from. If I didn’t know any better, I would also expect someone who was neverending in his plotting and scheming. Maliciously evil.”

“But I _am_ neverending in my plots and my schemes,” I said. “In fact, I have several in motion a multitude of steps ahead of you. What else am I meant to do with my time?”

“Logically, then, you must also be maliciously evil,” she teased. “Just like Lahabrea.”

“Need I remind you that _my_ recent plot to trigger a Calamity succeeded while his failed, so that comparison, in and of itself, is offensive,” I replied with a dramatic frown. “Take it back.”

“I bet you have a maniacal laugh too.”

“Well, go on then,” I prodded. “If I’m so evil, what am I plotting? What’s the point of siding with you?”

The Warrior of Light hummed, tapping her index finger on her chin. “I can only imagine Alisaie believes you to be leading me on,” she suggested and the twin nodded emphatically. “Attempting to lure me away from my mission, to convince me to abandon my quest in favor of your own schemes.”

I blinked twice, eyes widening slightly. She raised a brow. “Is it that obviously predictable?”

Silence descended amongst us, the Scions all eyeing me with suspicion as the Warrior of Light’s eyes widened. Suddenly, the young Oracle began to laugh, drawing attention to herself and away from me.

“Even if that _was_ his plot at some point, it’s clearly not the case anymore,” she said between a fit of giggles. “Beneath all these things that you believe an Ascian _should_ be, I think Emet-Selch is genuinely kind and caring.”

The twins furrowed their brows at her, Alphinaud opening his mouth to rebuke her claim before his sister placed her hand on his arm to silence him with a small shake of her head.

Beside her, Y’shtola breathed a small laugh as the doors opened and the Crystarium staff began to bring the food into the hall. “Maybe don’t let Thancred hear you say such things, Ryne,” she suggested.

Though the remainder of the dinner was uneventful, I could sense the hero’s inattentiveness throughout the duration. She was clearly lost in her thoughts, her eyes unfocused as she idly pushed the food around on her plate. Occasionally, when someone would call her name to grab her attention, she would consume a bite or two of her meal, insert her forced commentary and then drift off once more.

It did not take long for her friends to realize she clearly had other things on her mind, and eventually, they stopped trying to interrupt her pondering altogether.

When we returned to her room afterwards, she had not yet spoken a single word, her brow furrowed, an intense focus crossing her features as she began to shed her armor prior to heading to the bath.

When she reemerged, she was already dressed for bed, rubbing a towel through her damp hair. 

“You’ve been brooding,” I remarked from my location seated on the windowsill when she sat down on the plush chair by the window. With my words, she suddenly perked up, looking up at me with mild surprise. I arched a brow.

“Sorry… I just-” She pursed her lips, lowering the towel down to her lap and picking at the fibers. “It’s a lot to think about.”

“You could have discussed it with your companions at dinner,” I offered and she shook her head slowly.

“I don’t think they would believe me,” she murmured. “Especially if the source of the information...” She gestured vaguely in my direction.

“Do you see now?” I whispered. “Why I could not simply _tell_ you the truth of it all, without allowing you first to see some things for yourself? There’s still so much more for you to know, so much more I cannot share.” 

She nodded solemnly, beginning to fold the towel and set it aside as she settled once more into her thoughts. Finally, she looked up at me. “Do you… really think I’m tempered?”

“I cannot be entirely sure,” I admitted. “As I said before. However, it’s worth noting that you cannot be tempered by another.”

“I always thought that was because of the Echo… or the Blessing of Light.”

“And yet my gift of the Echo varies from yours, and I am not possessed of the Blessing of Light. But I cannot be tempered by lesser beings either, for I am already claimed.”

She hummed, leaning back against the seat with another nod, her hand coming to rub against her chest. It was an idle motion, one she did not seem to realize she was doing until I pushed off from the sill to grab her hand in mine and still the motion.

“Does it hurt?” I asked, my eyes carefully examining her soul to take in the continued damage that it had suffered. With the passing days there seemed to be more cracks, though seemingly small and insignificant in comparison to the larger fractures that immediately grabbed my attention.

Perhaps I was even imagining them. Or had simply not noticed them before.

She shook her head. “No more than usual,” she replied and I exhaled a deep sigh, sitting beside her. Without prompting, she scooted in closer, before adjusting herself to be seated across my lap, her head resting against my chest.

“I would think, by now, I would have earned honesty from you,” I whispered, gently running my fingers through the length of her damp hair, my other hand grasping my earring affixed to her ear to steadily infuse a new dose of aether within it to comfort her while we slept.

“I am being honest,” she insisted softly, though her soul fluttered in a way that gave her lies away. I paused my motions and she sighed. “Fine. It’s… worse.”

I nodded my head, lowering my hand from the earring.

“How can you tell? That it hurts?”

I was silent a moment before wrapping my arms around her. “You may not be able to see what is transpiring within your chest, Warrior of Light,” I responded. “But I can. You shouldn’t push yourself.”

“Isn’t that more of a reason?” Her voice barely carried, though I could hear the unsteadiness. “To hurry? To train and get back on my feet?”

I exhaled a sharp sigh through my nose. “So eager to rush to your demise?”

Her breath audibly caught and she tensed in my arms. With a shake of my head, I shifted to tuck her head beneath my chin. 

“I doubt you will survive another Warden, Warrior of Light,” I stated, despite the fact that my words likely would fall upon deaf ears once more. “Just this once, listen to something other than this drive of yours to do what’s right. Do what’s best for _you_. Save yourself.”


	25. Warrior of Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday to my very, very best friend and co-author, Crystal!!! <3 <3 <3

I didn’t respond to him.

We both knew that I would not do as he asked.

Instead, I sighed a long breath out through my nose, gaze intently focused on my lap. He didn’t utter another word, simply tightening his arms around me and pulling me closer to him as he made himself more comfortable in the chair. I heard a snap and the lights above us went out.

Immediately, the room was bathed in moonlight coming from the open window we were sitting next to. I sighed again, though this time it was in relief, as the soft light hit my face. I closed my eyes, allowing myself to relax into him, my head lolling onto his chest.

We both sat in silence for a long while, one of his hands running up and down my arm to help soothe me. 

I had...been so callous to him over the last few days. We had argued many times, especially when the Light churned so harshly in my chest, snuffing out the aether he had infused within me. And yet...he was still here. Constantly ensuring the Darkness remained to give me some degree of comfort. Still willing to...help me through the worst of it.

Even though he wanted me to abandon this mission for the sake of my own soul, he was  _ still here _ . 

I buried my face into his shirt as embarrassment seeped into me. I felt his chest shake with a silent chuckle.

“Rest, hero,” he breathed, his voice slow and sleepy. “It’s alright. Just rest.” 

I nodded as his hand stilled on my arm, wrapping around me again to hold me tightly. 

I  _ was _ tired, there was no doubt about that. I had done more that day than I had in...what felt like weeks. My entire body ached with overuse and it was all I could do not to beg for the solace of his arms.

But no matter how hard I tried to sleep, it refused to come. Even when Emet-Selch’s breathing had evened out, I still laid awake, curled into his lap, my mind spinning and spinning and spinning. 

I knew that he was having trouble sleeping. He had said he was worried for my condition. But it was not lost on me that the air between us was different as he drifted off. Almost as if...he expected an answer from me  _ right then _ . Or maybe...maybe that was  _ hope _ ?

Frustration built within me with each tick of the chronometer. 

What was I supposed to say? Agree to leave my duty unfinished- to disappear, perhaps even  _ with _ him, and leave this world to fend for itself? 

Abandon my friends who have been with me since the very beginning?

It may be so that he was only asking this of me not for the sake of his plans, but out of worry for my soul but…

I couldn’t. 

I had never ignored a cry for help. I had thrown myself into harm's way for the sake of the star many times. 

He told me that it was because I didn’t think of the consequences. Maybe that was true. But, what was my life compared to  _ everyone else’s _ ?

If I had a chance-  _ a single chance _ \- to make everything right, I took it, no matter how hard it would be to achieve.

The only difference now was that I  _ knew _ that at the end of this, I would be dead. 

He did not think I took his words to heart but he couldn’t be more wrong. He didn’t know how they plagued me hour by hour, minute by minute. How badly I wished that we were not who we were. How badly I wished I could just leave it all behind.

But, my fate had already been decided for me and I could not change it.

I huffed an unamused laugh. 

Perhaps there was truth to his words. Perhaps I was tempered, afterall. Forced to march to the beat of a drum I could not hear.

I could not run from my mission. I could not leave these people to suffer. Despite his misgivings and his warnings, no matter what I felt for him or him, me… No matter who I was to him in the past, I simply had to continue.

If my soul would disintegrate in the process, so be it. 

All I could do now was prepare myself for the inevitable.

My chin trembled as water filled my eyes. I pursed my lips and clenched my jaw, desperately holding back my tears. 

I was  _ scared _ . 

I blinked the water away and inhaled an unsteady breath. 

I could not afford to show it. I needed to put the mask back on and be  _ brave _ . For my friends, for the world. For myself. 

Emet-Selch’s chest rose with a deep breath and I froze. If he woke, there was no doubt he would comfort me. And if he did…

My resolve could very well break. Right then, in that moment while I was at my lowest, I might have agreed.

What would be the consequences, I wondered, to disobeying the primal I could very well be linked to?

When he exhaled, his chest deflating, I released my breath as well. I lifted my eyes to the moon and stars, twinkling in the night sky. 

If only I had been born...a different person.

With a sigh, I nuzzled my cheek into the fabric of his shirt, pressing myself into him, as close as I possibly could. He hummed in his sleep, arms tightening around me once more. I peered up at his face to see a soft, one-sided smile on his lips, though his eyes remained closed. 

Sadness filled my heart while I watched him, the tears rising again. I swallowed as my eyes roved across his face before lowering my head once more. 

If I could not give him what he wanted while he was awake then...maybe, as he slept…

I closed my eyes and released a steadying breath, forcefully relaxing the tension in my muscles. I felt deep, just as he had taught me. Further than my aether and to the very edges of my fractured soul. My brows knitted together as I focused, slowly, slowly pushing past the boundaries of my being. 

Warmth spread over me when my soul connected with his and a quiet whimper escaped my mouth as his reacted to mine, instinctually reaching out as he slept, desperately, lovingly. 

Ah, I could get lost in the feeling...

His breath caught for a moment before evening out once more. 

Then, there was a flash of light behind my eyelids.

When the brightness had dissipated, I found myself bent over a workbench, brow furrowed, hands carefully adding ingredients to a beaker full of some type of alchemic potion. 

What had been my job in my previous life, I wondered? 

The thought was fleeting, however, when I felt him press his chest against my back and he leaned over me to take a closer look. My hand stilled with the dropper pinched between my fingers and I clicked my tongue.

_ “A little room, if you don’t mind,” I said with mock annoyance. A low chuckle came from behind and the pressure removed from my back. “Thank you.”  _

_ I sucked in a sharp breath and narrowed my eyes, then squeezed the dropper just hard enough for a single drop to fall into the concoction. I waited a few moments, watching as the liquids mixed.  _

_ When the solution laid dormant again, I blew out my breath, unable to keep my lips from curling upwards. The moment I stood straight, my heart pounding in my ears from the adrenaline rush, his arms wound around my waist. I leaned into him and breathed a laugh, placing my arms overtop of his. _

_ “It worked, I take it?” he asked, gently nuzzling my ear with his nose. _

_ “All these months and finally,” I sighed with a nod. “I found the answer.” He hummed, craning his neck forward to place a kiss on my cheek.  _

_ “I’m so proud of you, my love.” _

When I opened my eyes again, the sun was starting to rise over the horizon and aside from the early-morning birds flying and singing, everything was calm.

Including the Light. 

I placed my hand over my chest, feeling the steady beat of my heart.

A memory, I wondered? Or a dream? Perhaps...both?

With a smile, I settled back into the Ascian, his arms still holding me snugly to his chest, and closed my eyes once more. 

Later that afternoon, I ventured once more out into the fields of Lakeland, stretching my muscles before taking my weapon in hand and looking over to the striking dummies the Exarch had been kind enough to set up for me and the Scions during our stay. 

Before I began my usual drills, I turned my head, peering up at the Ascian who had taken residence in the tree, the book I had taken from the tower open in his lap. 

“Well, go on, then.” he mumbled to me as he turned a page, annoyance coating his tone. My eyes dropped to the ground. How quickly his mood seemed to change the moment I stepped foot outside the city. 

With a sigh, I turned back to the training dummy and lifted my weapon. 

When I had sufficiently winded myself, I paused and with a pained groan, set myself down at the base of the tree where a flask of water was waiting for me. I took it in my hand and examined it carefully. Plain, but finely made. 

No matter how angry with me he was, he was still taking care of me, it seemed. 

“Thank you,” I said, voice barely above a whisper before tipping it back and taking a large swallow.

“Mm,” he hummed in response. 

We sat in a tense silence, the only sound between us the flipping of pages. I pulled my knees to my chest as I rested, staring at the dirt on the ground in front of me.

I wanted to say something, but I had  _ no idea _ what would assuage his anger except to tell him I would  _ stand down _ . 

Before I could think of something, I saw a flash of red hair running towards us from the city. Ryne was waving her arm in my direction. I stood as she approached, gripping the trunk of the tree as my knees shook. 

“Are you alright?” she asked me, blue eyes full of concern as she watched. The Light thrashed and I cringed, my other hand flying to my chest as I steadied myself.

“Fine, just-just a little pain.” She pursed her lips for a moment, searching my face for anything I was keeping from her before nodding with a sigh. 

“Thancred is back,” she informed me, locking her gaze with mine for a moment before tilting her head up towards Emet-Selch. “We’re all meeting in the Ocular to discuss his findings and figure out our next move.” 

“Okay,” I answered, rubbing the skin over my heart through my shirt. “We’ll be there soon.”

When we arrived, I  _ knew _ I had done too much. I was out of breath by simply  _ walking _ . The Ascian had offered to open a portal straight to the outside of the Crystal Tower, but I had refused. 

I  _ had _ to get stronger, I insisted. His jaw ticked in frustration at my stubbornness, but he motioned back towards the Crystarium and told me to  _ lead the way _ with a certain bite that made me clench my jaw to avoid saying something I would regret. 

Now, he stood next to me, a few fulms away, with his arms crossed and a deep frown on his face as he watched me struggle to catch my breath. 

“What news have you brought us?” the Exarch asked the gunbreaker, who had taken the middle of the floor. 

“Nothing for  _ certain _ ,” he sighed. “But I do believe that Ryne’s suspicions hold water. Thankfully, the city is still quiet with the exception of the new defenses they have entrenched. Together with the troops you sent with me, we were able to  _ quietly _ take a few of them out, but many more remain.”

The hooded man ahead of us nodded his head in understanding.

“Thank you,” he said, then looked at the rest of us, his gaze landing on me. “And you, my friend? How do you fare?”

“Fine,” I said as I straightened. I felt the Ascian bristle and I tried my best to ignore it. “We should go ahead and begin planning.” With a soft smile, the Crystal Exarch inclined his head to me.

“If you’re sure-”

“Fine, are you?” Emet-Selch interjected with a scoff. Everyone in the room turned to look at him, myself included. 

“What have you done now, Ascian?” Thancred groaned. 

“What have I done, you ask?” he quipped, his eyes never leaving me. “Oh, I’ve only been holding your  _ precious _ Warrior together at the seams. Fine?”

I shot him a warning look and he raised a brow at the audacity. He casually held one gloved hand out to me, palm up.

“If you’re so  _ fine _ , hero,” he bit out. “Give me the earring back.”

I stilled, the breath knocked out of me. The Ocular went quiet as we stared each other down. He tilted his head in expectation and I narrowed my eyes at him. 

“Fine,” I agreed, finally. I pursed my lips and reached up to my ear, unfastening it. The moment I removed it, the searing pain in my chest lit anew. My body began to tremble as I fought the ache and took two steps forward to drop it into his hand. 

Much too soon for my liking, my knees gave out and I wilted to the ground at his feet. Alphinaud was at my side in a moment, kneeling next to me to ensure I was alright. I peered up as the Ascian closed his fingers around the jewelry and placed his hands on his hips, looking down at me.

Pathetic. The disappointed look he was giving me made me feel so small and pathetic. 

“You can’t even stand without assistance, Warrior of Light, and you expect to be able to take on a Lightwarden?”

“I  _ have _ to be able to,” I bit out, clenching my hands into fists. He clicked his tongue and shook his head. 

“No matter what I advise, I feel my words will never make it through that thick skull of yours.” He sighed through his nose. “So be it.” He lifted his hand once more as he extracted the remnants of his aether from the earring before dropping it to the floor. As it  _ clinked _ against the crystal floor, he opened a portal and was gone.

A crushing sense of despair hit me, the ache in my heart adding to the already burning pain in my chest. 

I had done it. I had  _ finally _ pushed him too far and now he was  _ gone _ , leaving me alone to handle the rest of this on my own.

My chin trembled at the thought. But, it was only right, wasn’t it? I could  _ never _ give him what he wanted and therefore, I should not let him hope, no matter how much it pained me to push him away.

Besides, how could we  _ ever _ truly be together, I thought, bitterly. He still wanted to complete the Rejoinings, didn’t he? Just like my stubbornness to stop him, his motives and schemes would  _ always  _ be in the way of a happy life, no matter how short mine was to him. 

“You see, Ryne?” Thancred said, a measure of triumph in his voice that I found revolting. They-they had been talking about me amongst themselves, then.  _ Again _ .

“Thancred,” Y’shtola warned. “Not now.”

“And why not?” he scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “She does  _ not _ know Ascians the way we do. She does  _ not _ understand that they are incapable of compassion.”

“But, he said-,” the girl started, taking a step forward.

“He was manipulating you,” the hyur said quickly, cutting her off. “To make you believe what he was saying. As is his  _ way _ .” 

“Thancred!” Y’shtola admonished again, louder this time. “No matter your distaste for Emet-Selch, you will  _ not _ do this  _ now _ .” He fell silent this time, though he stared at the conjurer with an intense look of resentment in his eyes. 

“Stop,” I begged, my voice quiet and wobbling as tears rose to my eyes. “Please, stop.”

At the sound of my voice, Y’shtola immediately broke eye contact with the gunbreaker and took a deep, steadying breath before stepping forward and taking a knee in front of me. She placed her hand on my cheek, sorrow filling her face as she examined mine. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” she asked. I huffed a sigh and looked to my lap.

“I didn’t want you to worry,” I admitted, closing my eyes. “I thought once I got back to training, my strength would return in earnest and we could continue on.”

“You  _ need _ to rest,” Alphinaud insisted at my side, gently placing his hand on my arm. “Exerting yourself further will do you no favors and...it seems you can’t continue relying on the Darkness to keep you stable.” I rubbed my face with my hand. I had already been hearing the same sentiments from the Emet-Selch. Now my friends, too?

“But what if…” I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment.  _ What if my strength never returns? _ I shook my head, swallowing hard before opening my eyes again. “Can someone just...take me to my room?” The twin exchanged a glance with the miqo’te who, after a long moment, nodded. He helped haul me up and walked me to my room without another word. 

I laid in bed alone, trying my best to calm the Light. But it whipped about my soul erratically as my sadness only grew. 

I hadn’t realized that in my short bursts of sleep I had been scratching mercilessly at it until I woke up with blood under my fingernails and I thought back to the many times the Ascian had gently removed my hand from my chest as I unconsciously rubbed the skin, trying to ease the pain.

And my heart squeezed again, a new wave of pain coursing through my body.

Hours later, as I gazed up at the ceiling with unfocused eyes, there was a knock on my door. When I didn’t answer, I heard the hinges creak open and footsteps enter the room. 

“Are you asleep?” Alisaie’s voice asked me. I lifted my head enough to see her peeking around the entryway. 

“No,” I sighed. “Is something wrong?”

“It’s time for dinner,” she said. “The others said we should just bring it to you but I thought you might like to come sit with us?”

Food. Right. What better way to begin to regain my strength?

I was quiet for a few ticks of the chronometer before I hummed.

“I’ll go,” I agreed, finally, lifting my arms to close my shirt so that she wouldn’t see the scratch marks. I sucked in a deep breath, preparing myself to sit up. Quickly, Alisaie rushed to me, placing her hand on my back as I moved. 

“Are you sure?”

I loosed another sigh through my nose and nodded, shifting to slide off the bed.

“I need to start somewhere, right?” I answered with a small smile. “Surely walking cannot cause more damage.” She pressed her lips together in a long, thin line before taking my arm and helping me to my feet. 

When we entered the dining hall, all movement and commotion stopped. Y’shtola and Ryne’s eyes widened. Thancred dropped his hand into his palm and Urianger frowned deeply.

“Alisaie,” Alphinaud chided. “She’s supposed to be  _ resting _ .” His sister shrugged one shoulder as I dropped into a chair. 

“It’s okay,” I deflected, reaching to the middle of the table where the food had been set. “Alisaie was checking up on me before she came here. I wanted to come.”

“But, you need to-”

“I  _ need _ to be on my feet. I cannot sit idly by just  _ waiting _ for the situation to get worse.” 

“The situation is  _ stable _ ,” Thancred insisted, folding his arms on the surface of the table. “And is unlikely to change.”

“But, Eulmore’s defenses-”

“Are nothing we have not handled easily in the past.” He sighed. “They are trying to protect the Warden inside their walls. They will not attack first. That gives us- _ you _ \- plenty of time to prepare.”

My hand clenched around my fork as I stared down into my food. Next to me, Alisaie tensed.

“If you won’t listen to me, hero,” Emet-Selch said softly from behind my chair. I straightened at the sound of his voice, my breath catching in my throat. “Do yourself the favor of listening to your friends. They are, for once, speaking  _ some _ sense.” I twisted in my seat, watching as he came around to the other side of my chair. 

“You’re back,” I breathed. He quirked an eyebrow at me as I pushed my chair back to face him. 

“I never left.” 

“But-but you-”

“You frustrate me, Warrior of Light,” he sighed, placing his hands on his hips. “You  _ refuse _ to listen to reason and your stubbornness has vexed me for  _ thousands of years _ .” 

I opened my mouth to argue, but he waved his hand in my face to cut me off.

“Have I not been here nearly every step of your journey?” 

“Yes,” I conceded. 

“I offered my cooperation. My counsel. and I believe I have given you that and much, much more.” 

I averted my eyes to my lap. He knelt down in front of me, effectively catching my gaze again. 

“Now, I need you to do something for  _ me,  _ hero,” he said, quietly. He raised one hand, tucking my stubborn lock of hair behind my ear. I felt a tug on my lobe as he easily slid the earring back into place, then lowered his hand again, laying it over top mine, that sat in my lap.

The Light churned in protest as the Darkness coated it once more. His eyes flicked down to my chest, confusion crossing his features for half a moment at whatever he saw there. 

What  _ did _ he see, I wondered? How much damage had taken place in the hours that he had been gone?

His eyes met mine again and I flushed, eyes immediately darting around the room to my friends. Ryne and both twins watched with wide eyes, mouths hanging open. Urianger examined us carefully, calmly. Thancred began standing from his chair, but Y’shtola reached next to her, placing her hand on his arm in an attempt to calm him. 

The Ascian squeezed my hand to get my attention again. 

When I locked my gaze onto him again, I searched his face before pulling back, shaking my head.

“I can’t,” I answered his unasked question. “You know I-”

He heaved a sigh and tightened his hold on my fingers, tugging me back towards him. 

“I won’t ask you to abandon your quest again. All I ask is that you give me more time.”

I furrowed my brow in confusion, lips parting. Of all the things I had expected, this was  _ not _ it. 

“More...time?” He nodded his head, eyes dropping to my soul. “I don’t...I don’t  _ have _ time, Emet-Selch.”

“Don’t you?” he asked. “Your Scion friend has said as much.”

“But…”

“You have  _ time _ , hero. You can wait to challenge Vauthry. Meet me halfway. Slow the progression even the slightest bit and give me _ time _ ,” he implored. I swallowed. 

“To do what?”

“You’ll know soon. I  _ promise _ .”

“No,” Thancred said, finally, standing from his seat. The legs of the chair scraped against the floor. “I refuse to accept this. You continue dancing around the truth over and over again and I’ve had enough. Enough secrets.” My eyes shot to him as his narrowed in on Emet-Selch. “I am  _ asking, _ Ascian. What do you need more time to do?”

The man at my feet turned his head, peering at the Scion over his shoulder. “I… I don’t-” The hyur scoffed.

“He doesn’t even  _ have _ a plan.” He clicked his tongue in disgust. “He’s merely stalling to ensure that she falls apart and fails.”

The Ascian turned his head back to me so the others could not see his jaw clench. 

“No. I simply cannot- It’s...not something I can…”

“At a loss for words are you?” 

“Thancred,” Y’shtola hissed. “Please.”

“I simply cannot speak of it. Not until I’m sure.” 

“A likely story.”

Emet-Selch looked up at me again. I sucked in a sharp breath at the hint of panic I caught in his eyes. 

“This I  _ must _ keep to myself for now. But, hero, I  _ need _ you to trust me.”

“ _Trust_ _him?_ ” Thancred said incredulously, but I ignored him.

I released an unsteady breath and looked up again, the rest of the Scions watching with bated breath as they waited for my answer. My eyes found Y’shtola easily, who gave me the slightest of nods.

I bit my bottom lip, head drooping down between the Ascian and I. 

“Okay,” I whispered. “I’ll...rest.”


	26. Emet-Selch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lil steam in this one. :)

I overreacted. 

I knew I had the moment I stepped through the portal to emerge between dimensions after leaving her on the ground behind me. 

But when I turned back, to return to her side, to admit my folly, one glance at her soul gave me pause.

What I expected was the Light to be lashing against her, to take advantage of its diminished integrity and relentlessly whittle her down until it could take control. 

Which was not what I observed. She was uncomfortable, yes, but the damage did not appear to be progressing. As she curled into a ball on her side, trying to will herself to sleep, no new cracks took hold. No progression at all.

Which meant…

I lowered my hand from my chin, realization dawning in my mind. And with that realization, the slightest hint of doubt took hold.

And as the thoughts continued to churn, as the doubt festered, the more I considered alternatives and possibilities, I could feel my mind begin to cloud over. Gradually, a cold chill ran down my spine, and I came to realize that it had grown significantly harder to breathe.

As I gasped on what little air I could, I felt my vision begin to darken, my consciousness slipping away as an indiscernible whisper began to echo through my mind. I could feel myself slide down onto my knees, feel my chest heaving with coughs I could feel but could not hear. My focus shifted away from my uncertainties and toward trying to figure out the source of the malady that had overcome me, when suddenly, the sensation stopped.

I frantically gulped down breaths as my airway opened, my hand flying to my throat, the skin searing hot beneath my palm. I could feel the sweat that formed drip down the side of my face. As I lowered myself to sit on the ground, calming myself from the panic that welled up within me, I tried to think back to pinpoint exactly what had transpired around me when it began.

I did not sense an outside force; I knew I was very much alone within the rift, with only my thoughts-

The moment my mind wandered back, I could feel the same scorching heat engulf me, and I quickly shook my head as I forced myself to dispel the train of thought.

In all of my years, I had not experienced it, but this was the consequence, it would seem.

 _This_ was the repercussion one would pay if they even began considering betraying Zodiark.

When I re-emerged in the dining area, having recovered from my experience enough and ensured that no physical traces remained upon my body, I had not expected the conversation to proceed the way it had. 

I had known, of course, that I would be met with resistance, having acted the way I had, but when Thancred demanded answers that I could not give, the mere asking of it caused the hair to rise on the back of my neck. I had to remind myself _not_ to allow myself to think, despite having to attempt to explain myself. _Not_ to doubt, despite witnessing that which I had within the Warrior of Light. 

“Okay,” she conceded in a whisper. “I’ll… rest.”

Immediately, I was flooded with a sense of relief and sagged slightly with a sigh. With her approval, with her acceptance, I knew I would not have to carefully navigate through my own mind to avoid treacherous thoughts. I would, for the time being, be free of the fear that now profoundly gripped my entire being.

“Thank you,” I breathed, squeezing her fingers slightly.

The gunbreaker clicked his tongue. “I find it impossible to believe that I’m the only one who realized what he’s done.”

“And what is that, Thancred?” Y’shtola muttered, her patience wearing thin as she crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Besides somehow convincing _some_ of you that he’s even capable of being genuine,” he started, his gaze shifting in the direction of Eulmore. “He’s confirmed for us that Vauthry is what awaits.”

“We suspected as much,” Alphinaud said. “Confirmation now means very little.”

“To suspect is one thing,” Urianger stated. “To _know_ is another.”

“Your concern is how I am privy to such a thing? To know that Vauthry is the final Lightwarden?” I asked, coming to stand. “It’s quite simple, Scions of the Seventh Dawn. I know because I created him.”

The room went still, and I sighed, shaking my head. “Is anyone _truly_ surprised? There must be chaos on both the Source and the shard to initiate a Calamity. What better way to maintain Light’s supremacy than to fashion a tool specifically for this purpose?”

Thancred frowned, his arms crossing over his chest. “So you’ve known where the Wardens are this whole time then? And yet you let us wander aimlessly until we found them?”

“To be fair, none of you ever asked. Not that I would tell you,” I admitted. “To do so would be counterproductive to _everything_ I hoped to achieve.”

“So even if we did ask you, you would not have told us.”

I paused, sighing at the blatant disdain in his voice. “Correct,” I replied, and he immediately threw his hands up with frustration. “I am well within my right to choose what I do and do not answer, after all. Though I may have allowed you to confirm or deny being on the right track. As I did with your young Oracle and her suspicions of Vauthry.”

“As a way to control the Sin Eaters, Vauthry would make their actions predictable when needed…” Urianger murmured, his hand coming up as he tapped his temple with his index finger. “Such a revelation only brings forth further questions. What else upon this shard is a result of thine influence?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “For me to know and you to ponder. Do feel free to prattle off any ideas, and I may confirm them for you.”

“Then why ask to _cooperate_ at all?” Thancred spat. “If you planned to just be difficult every step of the way?”

“I can cooperate with you and still lament over the loss of my hard work. If I truly wished to stop you, I would have.”

“Is no one else still reeling by the realization that he _created_ a Lightwarden?” Alisaie asked, her eyes still wide. “How do- What does that even _entail?_ ”

“Comparatively speaking, it was among the least complicated schemes to execute,” I mused. “Find a desperate fool willing to offer up an unborn child, infuse it with far too much Light and then wait. Months later, you have a wailing Lightwarden, aether starvation and sin eater control included.”

I watched as realization dawned upon some of their faces, disgust marring the features of the hyur as he clicked his tongue and turned his face away from me.

“Infuse a being with too much Light? Is that all it takes?” Questions nearly whispered from the hero seated in front of me. 

“Is that… what will happen to me then?” she asked softly, her voice wavering as the implications of my words sunk in. I knelt before her once more, reaching to place my fingers beneath her chin and tilt her head up.

“Oh, dear, sweet hero,” I whispered, only loud enough for her to hear as my hand trailed up to push the wayward strand of hair behind her ear. “I would never allow such a fate to befall you.”

“She yet retains her form, her mind,” Alisaie chimed in as silence fell between the Scions. “The Blessing of Light-”

“You believe your _Mother_ is the reason she remains of sound mind for the time being?” I interjected, my hand cupping the side of the Warrior of Light’s face. “She is part of it, perhaps. But your hero’s resilience is her own. Were she of weaker spirit, she would have succumbed long ago.”

With a sigh, I stood once more, carefully looking at the Scions in turn.

“You all knew that the Light that disperses from a Warden seeks a new host to transform, to take its place.”

“Well, of course,” Alphinaud responded. “We are well aware of the process in which sin eaters are created, how Wardens exist in perpetuity-”

“So what gave you the idea she would be any different? She even looks like one, if you only check her aether. Is that not why your friend sent the Night’s Blessed to be rid of her?”

The twin’s expression fell, his gaze affixed on the ground as he clenched his hands into fists.

“Is that the reason you linger then?” the gunbreaker accused. “Is that why you want her to wait? So she cannot control it any longer? And she’ll turn?”

“Thancred, please,” Alphinaud murmured, his tone sad as he looked at their friend, her arms wrapped around herself as she began to tremble in an attempt to stave off her tears. “That’s enough.”

“ _No_ ,” Thancred nearly snarled, taking a step toward me. “I’m sick and tired of everyone believing everything _he_ offers. Does no one realize _what_ he is? How have you all forgotten?”

“No one has forgotten,” Y’shtola replied coldly. “We simply are capable of looking beyond preconceived notions, of considering the entirety of our circumstances.”

“ _Preconceived_ -” He threw his hands up once more, pacing a few steps away from his companions before sharply turning on his heel. “This is _unbelievable_. It’s not _hearsay_ that Ascians are schemers and manipulators and have led us in circles before, Y’shtola!”

“ _This_ Ascian has proven that there’s more to him-”

“Why? Because he says sweet things and pretends to give a damn about her? Open your eyes!”

Y’shtola fell silent. Her eyes narrowed at her friend. 

Beside her, Urianger cleared his throat, speaking softly in an attempt to calm the room. “If I may, I am also in agreement that there is more than meets the eye with regards to Emet-Selch.”

“Because of that heart-to-heart you had with him in Rak’tika, I’d bet. He’s said something to you, to all of you-”

“Hold on just a second, Thancred,” Alisaie interjected, her frustration clear. “Don’t include me in this madness; the last person I’d trust in this room is an Ascian. But I also think the Warrior of Light’s judgement should be considered-”

“I disagree,” he retorted, and I heard the hero take a sharp inhale, my gaze sliding down, to see her gripping the armrests of her chair tightly, the flurry of emotions she was feeling clear on her face and in the flickering of her soul. “Especially since he seems to have some bizarre fascination with her and she with him. He’s probably been feeding her lies-”

“I’m going to stop you there,” I interrupted, speaking lowly as I looked back to the Scions. “I’ve stood by and let you bicker amongst yourselves with regard to my motives. Say what you will about me, I care little for your opinions. But _her_ opinion is of tantamount importance, and lying to her does not do me any favors.”

Thancred opened his mouth to argue, and I raised my hand, firing an arcane bolt just to the side of his face, singeing the tips of his hair as it passed. It vanished just before it hit the wall. “I was not finished speaking. Interrupt me _one_ more time, and I will not miss.”

He sighed sharply, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I realize there is little I can say to convince you of my sincerity,” I said, frowning as I looked down at the hero seated before me. “However, I will insist that my goal in this instance is not to wish ill upon the Warrior of Light. I cannot elaborate, as I've said. Not until I'm entirely certain of my observations, and I will have to request your patience.”

“'tis passing queer that he would deign to request anything of us, Thancred,” Urianger muttered. “Perhaps we should, just this once-”

“Fine,” the hyur hissed. “But I'll be watching you closely, Emet-Selch.”

I bowed deeply at the waist then. “I would expect nothing less.”

Shortly after, the Warrior of Light retired to her room, Y’shtola and Alisaie volunteering to help her. I sighed, leaning back in my seat, watching as Thancred’s frown only grew with each passing minute, his posture tense.

“You know,” I started with a dramatic yawn, stretching my arms over my head. “It’s difficult to nap with such an intense glower focused on me.” 

The hyur clicked his tongue. “You’re welcome to leave then, Ascian, if you wish to nap so badly.”

“But how are you to keep an eye on me, my dear Scion, if I leave?”

He rolled his eyes, and I grinned, shifting the chair to turn away from him. “There,” I declared, crossing my arms over my chest, bringing my chin down as I let my eyes slide shut. “Now we both benefit from this arrangement.”

When I was certain the gunbreaker had believed me to truly be asleep, partaking in idle chatter with Alphinaud, who was seated beside him, I conjured an illusion outside the door of the dining hall and made my way to the hero’s chambers.

As I approached the room, it was clear that the others had left her to bathe, the room vacant aside from her blindingly radiant soul. I slid in, making my way to the bed and laying down upon it as I patiently waited for the Warrior to emerge.

The minutes passed, but I soon heard the shower water cut off and sighed, folding my hands behind my head.

“Your gunbreaker friend really means it when he says he’ll keep an eye on me, you know,” I called out, listening to her rummage through the cabinets of the bathroom. 

“What do you mean?” she responded through the door before it opened, the warmth from the steam seeping into the room.

“I’ve left my true form in the dining hall, and he’s staring daggers into my back. He believes me to be asleep.”

I heard the sound of her wet footsteps trailing into the room, finally peering down at her. Immediately, I sat up, my gaze roaming the length of her body, the towel discarded on the chair by the door.

“You… really ought to warn me,” I said as I shifted uncomfortably, averting my gaze.

“About what?” she asked, the shadow cast by her body cast on the wall as she stretched her arms over her head with a moan.

“I assumed you’d be dressed-”

She hummed, coming to a stop beside me. “This is _my_ room, Emet-Selch,” she reminded me, her tone brazen. “If I want to be naked, I’ll be naked.”

I cleared my throat with a terse nod. “Indeed.”

She was silent for a moment, though I could feel the weight of her gaze on me.

“Are you going to get dressed or not, hero?”

“That depends,” she replied, leaning in to whisper in my ear. “Are you going to touch me or keep acting like I’m made of glass?”

I exhaled sharply, looking at her once more, her eyes mere ilms from mine as I searched them.

“This is extraordinarily out of character for you,” I whispered with a frown, and she clicked her tongue with a roll of her eyes. “After what transpired today, I cannot help but question your-”

“ _Oh please_ ,” she scoffed, placing her hand on my chest and pushing my down flat onto my back once more. In a fluid motion, she straddled me, peering down at me as her damp hair cascaded over her shoulders. “I need this from you, Ascian. _Distract_ me.”

I peered up at her, watching as her hooded eyes searched my face, a deep pang of disappointment filling me with her words.

“And what if I did not respond to your unabashed advances?” I asked quietly, trying to decide if I intended to give her what she wished or not. 

“I figured I’d take my chances,” she murmured, leaning down. “Mortal vessel means mortal inconveniences, after all.”

Not a moment later, the hum of a portal filled the room, and I sighed, stepping out of it as I removed my gloves, the illusion vanishing from beneath her. She immediately shifted, turning toward me as I leaned over her, my eyes searching hers as one of my hands cupped the side of her face. 

It was not as if I had not given in to similar demands in the days of Amaurot, to distract her thoroughly when she could not stand to think of work any longer, but somehow, this felt different. This felt _wrong_. 

Yet, as I searched her expression, as her confidence seemed to wane and the sorrow seeped through, I found I could not deny her. A _distraction_. If that’s what she needed of me, then…

“Why bother with a towel at all…?”

“Because I thought Thancred would be outside the door,” she breathed. “But you’ve told me he’s busy elsewhere.”

Before I could even respond, her lips were on mine, a whimper escaping her as she slipped her hands beneath the thick fabric of my coat, pushing it off my shoulders with insistence. We soon devolved into a flurry of limbs, peeling layer after layer of my garb from my body.

I tore my lips from hers as I lowered her down onto the plush mattress, our breathing labored, lips mere ilms apart. Her damp hair was splayed out upon the pillow, her lips swollen and red. She reached up for me, and something about the desperation of her touch only seemed to stoke the sadness that was building within me. 

I sighed as I pulled back, locking my eyes on hers, the two of us silent save for our breathing. For her to act this way, to make such a request despite our parting mere hours earlier… It was evident how badly the conversation had affected her. Regardless of any reservations I may have about it, for her to behave so uncharacteristically meant she did not know how else to proceed. And so, before any more sorrow could show through, before she could allow herself to think on it any further, I gave her a slow nod. 

This request, to provide her with a means to forget, if only for a moment, I would grant her.

I slowly trailed my hand down the length of her body, placing it upon her hip before I bent my outstretched arm to lean up on my elbow. I could feel the puffs of her breath against my face, mere ilms from hers again. 

She exhaled an unsteady breath, raising her arms to wrap around the back of my neck as she parted her legs for me to settle between them, expecting intimacy in a form I was not willing to provide. Not when she did not seem to fully grasp the significance of it. So instead, I leaned down to trail slow, wet kisses along her jaw.

“Shouldn’t we-,” she started, gasping when I nipped at her earlobe, her hands finding purchase in my hair. “Shouldn’t we move a little more quickly?”

I hummed as I considered her words, continuing down the length of her neck before shaking my head.

“You wanted a distraction, Warrior of Light,” I murmured against her skin in response. “How good of a distraction would it be if I did not take my time with you?”

I felt her fingers tighten in my hair, watched her chest expand as she took a deep breath, her soul flickering erratically as she tried to calm herself. When she finally let out her exhale, I began tracing the length of her collarbone with my tongue before sliding down further to press my lips against the skin between her breasts. 

She moved her hands then, placing them on either side of my face as she tried to pull me back up toward her lips.

“The girls will be back soon,” she stated, a hint of panic in her voice as she tried once more to coax me back up. 

I obliged with a sigh, her grip relaxing when I pressed my lips to hers once more as I moved to grip her wrists and pin them over her head. With a snap of my fingers, a binding appeared, holding her hands in place against her headboard, and in the next moment, the lock flipped with a _click_. 

“Worry not, I’ll be sure to whisk you away when they arrive,” I murmured against her mouth before sliding back down the length of her body, pressing my lips against her abdomen as I continued downward. I peered up at her, her eyes flicking to the chronometer on the wall for a moment before slowly sliding back toward me.

She exhaled sharply, tugging slightly at the restraints, her mouth turning down into a frown. I breathed a laugh against her skin, placing a single kiss just above her navel before swirling my tongue around it. 

Hovering my lips over her skin, I kept eye contact as I kissed lower, one ilm at a time. Her hands clenched into fists, her legs parting slightly with anticipation. I clicked my tongue at her with a shake of my head. 

“Patience,” I chided softly, before changing my route to trail my lips toward her hip, rerouting once again to place wet kisses down her thigh. 

By the time I reached mid-thigh, her breathing was shallow, her other leg shifting upward to bend at the knee, her toes curling into the plush material of the mattress. Slowly, I snuck my tongue out to trace the length of her inner thigh before blowing a cold breath over it, causing her skin to break out into goosebumps.

Again, she tugged on the restraints, a soft whimper of frustration leaving her lips as I hovered just over her arousal. Raising a hand to trail up from her knee as I locked my eyes with hers, I shifted to lay flat on my abdomen between her legs, exhaling a breath against her as she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth.

“Tell me, Warrior of Light,” I murmured, my fingers finally reaching her folds, easily gliding between them with the moisture that had gathered. Her breath caught in her throat, her hips rising infinitesimally up off the mattress with the contact. “Are you still opposed to me taking my time with you?”

She released her lip, swearing under her breath as she shook her head quickly, her eyes honed in on my mouth.

I lowered my lips to be close enough for her to feel my breath on her flesh, moving my fingers away to grasp her thigh and spread her legs further. “You have to _tell_ me-”

“No,” she interjected quickly. “I’m not. Don’t stop.”

I arched a brow, lowering my face down further still, nudging her folds with the tip of my nose. She gasped immediately, her hands turning to grip the headboard then instead of resisting the bindings.

With a hum, I pressed my tongue flat against her, dragging upward in a deliberately slow, drawn-out motion. Not quite contacting her nerve, not quite slipping between her folds. Her eyes rolled back, her hips rolling slightly. 

“Is this what you had in mind, champion of light?” I breathed against her, repeating the motion with slightly more pressure, my tongue spreading her lips and dipping between them with the added force. “Is this an adequate _distraction_?” 

A loud, shuddering moan escaped her before she whimpered with a frantic nod, and I chuckled against her, the vibration of it coursing through her.

But before I could continue, movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention. I paused, lifting my head and turning in its direction. Her friends were returning much sooner than either of us had anticipated. A soft whine escaped her lips, and I peered at her, the corner of my lips pulling upward. 

“It seems we will have to continue elsewhere, hero,” I murmured, lifting a hand, poised to snap. “If I’m to have my way with you, and I fully intend to, it will have to be away from prying ears.”

She exhaled unsteadily, her gaze sliding to the door as she heard the chatter of her companions as they walked toward her door, listening to their footfalls draw closer. Realization crossed her expression, and she swallowed visibly before meeting my gaze once more.

“How will they know where I’ve gone?” she whispered, though I could tell from the flush on her cheeks that she had already accepted my proposal in her mind.

With a snap of my fingers, I reformed the illusion of myself seated in the chair by the window, the mess made by my discarded clothing disappearing at the same moment.

“I’ll stay behind,” I said through the illusion, and her eyes widened slightly as her gaze flitted between it and my true form. “To make sure they know you are safe.”

“Alisaie won’t-”

“The less rational twin is not coming, it would seem. Ryne and Y’shtola.”

She faltered, Y’shtola’s voice filtering in from beneath the door as she stopped to speak to a patrolling guard.

“If you’re going to take this long to make your decision, I suppose I’ll simply have to make it for you,” I muttered, snapping once more to create a portal to Amaurot beneath her as the bindings around her wrists disappeared. 

With a gasp, she fell through, and I stood from the armchair in time for the soft, hesitant knocks on the door from the Oracle of Light. 

“Um… are you awake?” she asked softly through the crack in the doorway just as the hum of the void portal shut behind us.

“She’s not there, Ryne,” Y’shtola informed her matter-of-factly as I reached the door and unlocked it, slowly pulling it open to be met with the furrowed brow of the young Oracle.

“Emet-Selch?”

“Taken her to wherever it was Feo Ul informed us of, I take it,” the miqo’te observed as she scanned the room, and I nodded slightly in response. “You’re fortunate Alisaie decided to call it an early night, or you’d have to explain yourself thoroughly.” 

“I would do no such thing,” I retorted. “I’ve no need to justify my actions to _any_ of you. In fact...” My eyes slid between the two of them. “If it wasn’t for the Warrior of Light wishing to inform you of her whereabouts, I would not have even lingered.”

“So can you, then? Inform us of her whereabouts?”

“Not in explicit detail, no,” I quipped, and Y’shtola sighed with a shake of her head. “Just know she is… doing quite well.”

“Resting, I hope.”

“Soon, I assure you.”

The chronometer clicked as silence descended between us, her eyes narrowing at me as she looked me up and down.

“You are an illusion,” she observed, and the young Oracle brought her hand to her chin in response to her words. “You were _not_ an illusion before, when I observed you through the door, though she had just left.”

“Is your true form with her then?” Ryne asked, her gaze sliding to the vacant bed, the sheets disheveled. 

“Yes, I would imagine it is,” Y’shtola responded when I faltered to answer, my attentions otherwise diverted by the Warrior of Light.

I cleared my throat with a terse nod. “Apologies, it’s… difficult, you see. To maintain conversation _here_ when my attentions are demanded _there_.”

“But you have done it before, maintained conversation as an illusion whilst your true form managed a different matter,” Y’shtola said, her brow raising. “What differs?”

“Maintaining two conversations is one thing,” I said, in lieu of a more complete explanation, and Y’shtola sighed with a nod. Of _course_ she knew what truly transpired between us behind closed doors, her aetherial vision giving her insight into our relationship none of the others had been afforded. And yet… she still seemed to be, at the very least, impartial toward me. Ryne furrowed her brow, confusion flooding her expression. 

“There’s something I wanted to discuss with you,” Y’shtola stated as the young Oracle opened her mouth to no doubt ask for clarification.

“Yes, I gathered as much since you lingered even when your vaunted hero left,” I quipped. “I will need a moment.”

The miqo’te hummed as she tilted her head. “For an Ascian to be so engrossed in the _well-being_ of the Warrior of Light…”

I rolled my eyes, gesturing toward the seats at the table in the hero’s room. “I assure you it’s not from an altruistic place. My own _well-being_ benefits from her company as well.”

She clicked her tongue, moving to take a seat, Ryne at her heels to take the chair to her side.

I pushed the door closed, making my way to stand against the wall across from them, crossing my arms over my chest as my attention was otherwise pulled away. Moments later, Y’shtola cleared her throat, and I sighed, my eyes refocusing on the mage.

Her brow was raised as she tapped her index finger against the surface of the table, watching me expectantly. “Well?”

“Oh, _very well_ ,” I groaned. “What is it?”

“Did I interrupt something?” she asked mockingly. “Do you need another _moment_?”

“No, I’d rather finish answering whatever it is you’ve come to pester me with.”

Ryne looked between us warily for a moment before Y’shtola sighed, leaning back in her seat. 

“In the dining hall,” she started, her expression turning serious. “You were trying to explain yourself before Thancred cut you off.” 

I tensed slightly. “What of it?”

“Ryne noticed it as well,” she explained. “And both of us decided to come directly to you, to see if we can better understand.”

“And maybe even help,” the Oracle chimed in quietly, clenching her hands tightly in front of her. “I… I don’t know what more I can do right now but to help to control the Light, but…”

I sighed, glancing between the duo for a moment as I pursed my lips, trying to choose my words carefully.

“Something… does not add up,” I finally said, softly, watching their reactions to my words. The miqo’te leaned forward slightly, her ears perking up with intrigue.

“I’m inclined to agree,” she replied with equal fascination in her voice. “There is much that does not entirely make sense, and yet-”

“No,” I interjected harshly. “Listen to me. Something I have been told, a detail I have been acting upon does not…” I hesitated, blowing out a quick breath. “It…”

“Doesn’t align with what you’ve seen?” Ryne offered, and I exhaled another deep breath through my nose with a tense nod.

“I am unable to ponder the implications of such things,” I explained, averting my gaze. “Of what it could mean to have been… misinformed. Doing so would possibly make me waver.”

Silence descended between us for a moment. “Waver from the task given to you by Zodiark?” 

I snapped my eyes back to the miqo’te, narrowing them. She nodded stiffly, my reaction confirmation enough.

“But… even if you did…” Ryne said, bringing her hand to her chin. “It’s normal to question things that don’t make sense or that you don’t fully understand or agree with… isn’t it?”

“Perhaps for us,” Y'shtola replied softly, her gaze falling to her lap. “Emet-Selch answers to a higher power.”

Ryne nodded her head slowly, looking back at me with a frown. “And… you’re unsure of the consequences? If you question Zodiark?”

My lips pulled into a tense line. I was fully aware of the _beginnings_ of the consequence of such a transgression. 

“Don’t- You don’t have to answer that,” she quickly said, taking in the tension that had built in my posture, the color drained from my face as the panic at remembering what had happened earlier took root. “You said you had to keep it to yourself so…”

Y’shtola sighed as she examined me. “I do not know what fate would await you if you were to waver, but if it pushed you to such a place that you seem to hesitate to even _think-_ ” 

Her words fell short when I abruptly pushed off the wall, holding my hand up to silence her as the sound of a soft melody filled my mind. A familiar tune that had been lost, left unsung for thousands of years.

“I… need to leave,” I said quickly. 

“Is everything alright?” Y’shtola inquired, urgency seeping into her tone from the suddenness of my actions.

“Yes,” I murmured, already turning the focus of my attention back to the apartment in the recreation of Amaurot. “I just… a memory.”

She nodded her head slowly. “Alright.”

Just as I lifted my hand to snap, ready to dissipate the illusion, Ryne opened her mouth to say something, the sadness in her eyes giving me pause. 

“I know you can’t tell us more,” she whispered as she examined me with deep sorrow and understanding that I would have never expected from one so young. “Just… Please try to be careful, Emet-Selch.”

With a slight nod, I snapped my fingers within the recreation, my illusion vanishing. I shook my head, the headache that accompanied trying to split my attention so thoroughly pulsing behind my eyes.

As I slowly made my way through the apartment, the melody grew louder, her humming growing more confident as more of the song returned to her mind. 

When I finally pushed the door to the library open, her back was to me, her hand sliding along the length of an empty bookshelf as she slowly walked the perimeter of the room, the walls lined with shelves that were once filled to brim with a collection of works that had amassed over several hundreds of years.


	27. Warrior of Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sexual content ahoy

When I emerged on the other side of the portal, I was a few ilms above the bed in the apartment he’d often brought me to. I dropped softly onto the mattress, bouncing a few times with the impact. 

A moment later, Emet-Selch came through as well, landing above me with both hands on the bed on either side of my head.

“Now,” he started. “Where were we?”

He pressed his lips to mine for a short moment before tearing away, laying slow kisses along my skin as he made his way back down, ready to continue what he had previously been doing. I gripped the pillow above my head as he settled his face between my legs once more, his arms sliding under my thighs. He gripped my hips and pulled my body down to meet him. 

I bit my lip in anticipation as he exhaled hot breaths against me, causing chills to rise up my spine. 

And the first stroke of his tongue through my aching folds forced my lip from between my teeth and had me throwing my head back. My back arched as he flicked it against the sensitive bundle of nerves, a soft cry slipping from my mouth, and I had to try my hardest not to clamp my thighs around his head. 

He hummed his approval at my reaction, beginning to trace languid circles  _ around  _ the bud, refusing to touch it again. 

I wriggled my hips as he purposely toyed with me, wordlessly begging him to give me the contact I craved, but his hands flattened against my abdomen, pressing me down into the mattress to hold me still. 

A whine escaped me and he chuckled darkly, forcing a shiver to course through my body with the vibration. 

“Patience, hero,” he chided.

I frowned as I peered down at him. His eyes locked with mine, a smirk spreading along his mouth. A flush spread quickly over my cheeks at the look on his face and a moment later, he plunged his tongue inside of me, as deep as it could go, his nose rubbing against the nerve.

I whimpered, dropping my head back onto the pillow again. My fingers clenched in the fabric as he worked me, efficiently building the tension inside of me until I was ready to explode. 

But, just when I was on the cusp of my release, he paused. 

I groaned, nearly crying in frustration when he stopped, my muscles pulled taut, my body damp with sweat and straining so hard it almost  _ hurt. _

I lifted my head once more, watching as his eyes unfocused for a moment. I furrowed my brow as I tried to catch my breath, the tension he’d caused started to seep out of me.

“Are you...alright?” I panted. He blinked at the sound of my voice and met my gaze.

“Your friends,” he explained.

“What-”

Before I could finish asking what he meant, he sealed his lips around me, one of his arms sliding out from under my leg and he easily inserted one finger inside of me, curling it up the deeper it went to hit  _ just _ the right spot within. 

I cried out as he sucked on the bud and extracted his finger slowly before reentering, this time with two fingers.

I fell back again, flat onto the mattress as my fingers curled into the sheets. 

It wasn’t long before I was a trembling, tense mess once more, every sound out of my mouth either a moan or a sob, begging the Ascian to give me what I needed. He’d brought me  _ right _ back to the brink, but purposefully kept his movements measured, just enough to keep me there, but not to push me over the edge. 

True to his word to draw out my  _ distraction _ , he continued playing with me for a few,  _ long _ minutes. Tears began forming in the corners of my eyes as I cursed. 

“Please,” I implored, my voice barely above a whisper as the water streamed from my eyes. “ _ Please _ , let me-”

I groaned again as his tongue flicked against me, my back arching so high my very bones ached, my hands roughly tugging on the sheet still grasped in my fingers. 

With my reaction, his fingers began to pick up their pace, thrusting in and out of me quick but precise, finally deigning to give me what I sought. 

I could feel my body begin to shake uncontrollably as I was thrown into my climax, releasing a guttural cry as I rode out the waves of my pleasure. 

When I fell limp onto the bed, chest heaving as I gulped down air, Emet-Selch crawled back up to me, one of his hands sliding under my head, gently lifting it. He pressed his mouth to mine, his lips moist with my wetness.

I sighed contentedly as he pulled back, my body beginning to recover.

“Is that-” 

He paused again, brow furrowing as annoyance crossed his expression for a second. The next moment, he was back.

“Better?”

“Yes, but…” A sly smile spread across my mouth as I placed my hand on his chest and pushed, flipping us until he was lying on his back and I sat up on my knees. He blinked up at me in mild surprise. “Now, it’s your turn.”

“My...turn?”

I hummed as I twisted, taking him into my hand. He twitched in my palm at the contact and I began pumping my arm up and down, coaxing him to respond to me. A moment later, however, he sighed, gently grabbing my hand to stop me. 

“What are you doing?” I asked, a small laugh in my voice. “Don’t you want-”

I paused as his fingers wrapped around mine and I looked back, meeting his eyes. My face fell immediately.

“It’s alright,” he assured me. “This was for  _ your _ enjoyment, hero, not mine.”

“But-” He shook his head and my shoulders slumped. 

I pouted my lips but nodded and released my hold on him. I sat back on my feet as he sat up, leaning back against the headboard.

“And now, your friends require my attention.” 

_ My friends _ …?

Realization lit in my mind.

His illusion. He’d left one in my inn room and he was likely speaking to Ryne and Y’shtola at that very moment.

Was that why he didn’t want to…?

“I will need a moment.”

I pursed my lips as I watched his eyes unfocus. I sat quietly for a while but, after a few minutes, I sighed and began sliding off the bed. 

“I’m going to go get a drink,” I informed him.

“Leave the earring before you go,” he instructed, though his voice still seemed far away. I turned to face him once I was on my feet. His hand rested, palm up, on top of the blanket. “The Darkness has almost dissipated,” he continued. “I can, at the very least, infuse more of my aether into it while I’m sitting here.” 

I did as he requested, unhooking his trinket from my ear and placing it in his hand. I stood straight again, hand immediately flying to my chest as the churning commenced. A pained whimper slipped past my lips and I quickly gripped the closest bedpost as my knees went weak. My body reoriented itself to the Light, though just earlier I had barely been able to stand without the Darkness and I wasn’t sure how long I would last this time, even after hours of rest.

“I’ll...hurry,” he assured me knowingly, his brow furrowing once more. I nodded again, even if he wasn’t paying attention and blew out a steadying breath, turning on my heel. 

I opened the bedroom door and slipped out, the hallway awash in the dim light of the wall lamps. 

I walked slowly, digging my toes into the plush carpet, waiting to see how the aether inside of me would react to my movement. But as I made my way towards the kitchen, I paused by a door that was cracked open.

I tilted my head in confusion. 

He had once told me that he preferred the doors of the apartment to stay closed, but…

I took a look around, the other rooms that were usually closed off, were now in much the same manner. I raised a brow.

Was this...an invitation? He never did  _ anything _ without a reason. 

I hesitated for only a moment before reaching out and pushing the door open the rest of the way.

The first room I discovered was the bathing room. It wasn’t  _ unlike _ those that we had on the Source, or even on the First, though it still seemed...different, somehow. Different, yet familiar at the same time. 

I stepped inside, fingertips sliding along the smooth, marble countertop. The unnatural aether thrashed inside of me once more and I paused, my hands curling into fists. Quickly, I sat down on the lid of the toilet and released a sigh. 

I lifted one hand to massage my chest as I silently pleaded for the pain to go away. The skin was sore, scabbed over from where I had been scratching at it earlier, and an angry red. I frowned down at the area as I lowered my hand. 

Soon, the pain began to even out again and I moved to stand, but a sharp ache behind my eyes had me dropping right back down. I groaned quietly, heels of my hands flying to my eyes. 

_ “If you don’t hurry, we’ll be late.” _

_ “I’m almost finished.” _

An Echo? A-a flashback?

_ “You know how Lahabrea detests being kept waiting.” _

When I opened my eyes, I stood facing the bathtub, arms crossed over my chest, wearing nothing but a towel. The bathing room was warm and full of steam, the showerhead on full blast.

_ “The old man needs to learn some patience,” his familiar voice insisted from behind the curtain. I clicked my tongue and rolled my eyes. I shook my head, discarding my towel into a basket full of our dirty clothes, then turned towards the door to go find my clothes in the other room. _

_ Before I was able to even take a step, the curtain slid open and his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me against him and back into the shower, thoroughly soaking me once more. _

_ I cried his name in surprise, though I was unable to discern the word as the memory began to fade, even if it came from my own mouth.  _

What was-

_ He chuckled into my ear as he spun me around and pushed me against the tiled wall, his hands on both sides of my face as he descended upon me, gathering my lips in his. _

I shook my head, trying to rid the  _ buzzing  _ sound in my head. I blinked a few times to clear my vision and found myself standing in front of the mirror, leaning heavily on the counter. My brow furrowed as I watched my own reflection. 

I didn’t usually move like this during Echoes. Then again, I also usually didn’t scream during them, either.

I looked towards the open doorway. 

Would...other things in the apartment spark such visions? He had told me that  _ familiar _ places could also bring about memories… Simply being here seemed to help… and he wanted me to remember…

Was this why he cracked the doors?

I pursed my lips and eased myself up, then headed for the hallway. I tilted my head in the direction of the bedroom. From my angle, I saw his hand still lying on the bed, closed around the earring, dark tendrils of energy surrounding it as he infused more of his power into it. 

With a sigh through my nose, I faced the room across from where I was standing. I reached out and pushed the door fully open. 

As I headed inside, I noticed it was mostly barren. A desk and chair, empty bookshelves, and a small cabinet to store paperwork. 

I circled around the desk towards the curtains, pulled shut as with all the windows in this place. To hide whatever it was that laid outside until the Ascian deemed me worthy of seeing it. My heart clenched at the thought, the Light responding in kind. 

I lifted a hand, to touch the heavy material.

Would I ever be ready? Would the Light change me first?

My lip trembled and I inhaled slowly.

No, I had to have faith. Despite Thancred’s words, I  _ trusted _ him. And he...sincerely seemed to want to take my troubles away. He had said…he would  _ never _ let me succumb to such a fate...

I spun on my heel, turning my back on the window, the drapes shifting with my movement.

And all he needed  _ me _ to do was to  _ remember _ .

I began heading for the hallway once more, but as I passed the desk, one of my toes caught on it’s bottom edge. I doubled over, cursing loudly. I felt tears rise to my eyes as my vision unfocused, voices rising to the forefront of my mind once more.

_ I was walking down the dim hallway when I heard a curse coming from the study. The same word I had hissed in the present. _

_ “Hold on,” I insisted as I hurried the rest of the way and reached my hand just inside the doorway to toggle the lightswitch. “I’ll get the lights.” _

_ When the room brightened, Emet-Selch stood before me in a long, dark robe, one hand clenched around the top corner of the desk as he stared down at his foot. I breathed a laugh and leaned against the door frame, an amused smile tugging on my lips. _

_ “Will you learn only after you’ve broken your toe?” _

When I was thrust back into the present, I had moved again. I gripped the wooden door frame tightly, my other hand shakily hovering over the device that controlled the overhead lamp. The pain in my foot was now nothing more than a dull throb.

Quickly, I snatched my hand back, turning it over as I inspected every ilm of skin.

Odd, I thought. The sting behind my eyes that I usually experienced with the Echo seemed...noticeably missing that time. 

I swallowed hard as my body began to calm and left the room, wiping the sweat from my palms onto the skin of my thighs as I walked. 

I stopped in the entryway to the living area and slid the toggle of the switch all the way up. When the lamps on either side of the couch had turned on, my eyes scanned the familiarity of the room- the fireplace, the rug and coffee table, the armchair turned towards the sliding glass door, hidden by long curtains, that led to a balcony, so high that it overlooked the entire, magnificent city.

The perks of being so esteemed within our society.

I froze. Overlooking the city…

How did I know how far up we were?

I closed my eyes, trying to remember. To imagine the city as it had been so many years ago. The spires I knew, of course, though I could not rightly decide whether or not that was  _ truly _ remembering. 

No matter how hard I tried, however, I could see nothing more than a blur in my mind’s eye. 

I released a strained breath and relaxed, opening my eyes. 

Close. Just not close enough. 

With pursed lips, I turned to face the cracked door across the hall. The last room I had yet to discover. 

I pushed the door open to...a library? I lifted a finger to my lips as I stepped in. Shelves upon shelves lined the large room, but not a single book placed upon them. 

I lifted my hand, fingers running along the surface of one as I walked through the room. When my vision pulsed again, I halted to a stop, sucking in a gasp. Once more, no pain...

_ “Could you find these books for me, my love?” Emet-Selch asked from behind his desk, holding a piece of paper out to me. I smiled brightly and took the list, then headed for the library, immediately ready to help him in his research. _

_ It was a wonder, the collection of books we had amassed- even written- in our years together, the shelves full of volume after volume, though in the present now stood empty.  _

_ I skimmed the list for a moment before beginning my search, humming a song as my fingers trailed along the tomes, plucking the titles he wanted from their spots. _

I heard a snap. A row of books appeared on the shelf in front of me, jolting me out of the memory. I blinked, clearing the fog from my mind. My arm was still raised, as though I had been reaching for-

“Where did you...hear that song?” the Ascian’s voice asked from behind me, barely louder than a whisper. I spun around to face him, confusion evident on my face.

“Song? I-”

He quickly closed the distance between us and I stepped back in surprise, my backside hitting the shelves behind me. I looked up at him, eyes wide. He didn’t look angry, but the intensity of his gaze was striking. 

“You were humming.” I opened my mouth to respond, though I wasn’t sure what to say. I thought back to just a few moments prior, the flashback-

“I heard it,” I answered, finally. “Just now, in a...” 

“A what, hero?”

“A memory, I think? I… The melody feels familiar some-”

Before I was able to finish, Emet-Selch pressed his lips to mine. I sucked in a sharp breath through my nose in surprise, my whole body tensing up. His arms wound around me, firmly pulling me against him. 

I hummed with contentment against his mouth, my body beginning to melt into his as my arms hooked under his. 

“What was that about?” I panted once he’d pulled back. 

“You…” He sighed, pushing forward to press his forehead to mine, a small smile gracing his lips. “You’re remembering,” he breathed. 

I nodded slightly. His arms loosened around me as both of his hands came up to cradle my face. He lifted his chin, catching my mouth with his once more, but softly this time. I reciprocated, moving my lips against his with fervor. 

When I opened my mouth to him as an invitation, he accepted, twining his tongue with mine as he pressed me against the bookshelves once more. He released my face to grip a shelf, hands on either side of my head as his hips pinned mine against the case, the effect hearing the song had on him made obvious. 

A fire lit in between my legs as his growing arousal pressed firmly against me and immediately, something opened up within me. I felt as if I could not get enough of him. As if he was not close enough, regardless of the fact that he was here, his body pressed fully against mine.

My arms tightened around him, nails digging into his skin as a whimper escaped me against his lips, a sudden surge of longing filling me to the brim. 

All I could think about was how  _ badly _ I wanted to feel him again, body  _ and _ soul, though I didn’t understand why, so suddenly…

The memories, perhaps? Now that I was unlocking more...was my soul now cognizant of the fact that it had been without him for thousands and thousands of years?

“Bedroom?” I whispered against his lips.He nodded, and without tearing his mouth from me, he swept me up into his arms. A small gasp escaped me and carried me through the apartment. 

He laid me down onto the mattress and pulled back, hovering over me, one hand moving to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear as he examined me. The emotion I witnessed on his face took me completely by surprise and I had no words to describe it. My breath caught in my throat as I reached up, placing my hands on the sides of his face, and pulled him down to me. 

He didn’t need any further encouragement and firmly pressed his lips to mine again. My arms slid from his cheeks to around his neck, wrapping him tightly in my embrace as he deepened the kiss.

He shifted as his lips moved with mine, his hands gently coaxing my legs open so he could climb onto the bed between them. He leaned over me again, his arms sliding underneath of me. 

When I felt him ready and nudging at my entrance, he broke away from my mouth, looking down at me in inquiry. I nodded and he pressed his forehead against mine, slowly entering me without resistance. A whimper slipped from me, my arms tightening around his neck. 

Slowly, he began to rock his hips into mine and I held him close, the fingers of one hand threading into his hair as I panted puffs of air against his face. 

He removed his arms from under me, his hands trailing down my sides, over the curve of my hips and down my thighs, guiding them to wrap around his waist. I did as he wanted, hooking my ankles together at the small of his back. I groaned as he was pushed deeper inside of me. 

And  _ still _ , no matter how close we were...somehow, I could feel that...missing  _ something _ between us. 

My chest ached, but not with Light and I pressed my lips to his for a short moment, realization taking hold.

“Let me feel  _ you _ ,” I breathed as I attempted to nudge his soul with my own. My brow furrowed in concentration, but he bristled and pulled back slightly, the connection between us broken instantly. His movements slowed as he averted his eyes to the right, the air between us changing. 

“No,” he said, his tone turned sad. My gaze followed him, confusion marring my expression. 

“But-”

“I am not here to be your  _ plaything _ , Warrior of Light,” he sighed, closing his eyes. “I agreed to be your distraction, but this time, you ask too much, no matter my feelings for you.”

I blinked in surprise.

He-he’d done it  _ solely _ for my sake? And he still thought that I-

Water rose to my eyes. 

Quickly, I shook my head, reaching one hand up to cradle his cheek. His eyes slid open again as he returned them back to mine, full of uncertainty. My thumb stroked along the bone.

“That’s...not what I’m asking for now,” I assured him, voice no higher than a whisper as it wavered, the look he was giving me threatening to break my heart. He searched my gaze, trying to judge my sincerity. I placed my other hand over my heart. “These memories...I...I just want...to feel close to you again. I just want  _ you. _ ”

His expression changed with my words, an immense amount of relief in his eyes as his chin trembled nearly imperceptibly. He exhaled an unsteady breath before nodding, then bore down on me again, gathering me into his arms.

And the moment his soul connected with mine, the sense of longing disappeared. I felt complete again. 

When I woke in the morning, we were still wrapped in each others’ embrace. His breathing was deep and even and I smiled softly. 

I laid in silence for a long while, letting him sleep for however long he needed and, after a few minutes, I noticed the absence of the churn deep within me. I held my breath, concentrating on how the Light normally felt. 

It was still there, of course. I could feel it actively swirling around my soul, but the pain it brought was noticeably...gone.

And I felt...well-rested?

Which... didn’t seem right. He had never given me the earring back…nor had I felt the usual relief his Darkness brought to me at any time during the night.

Before I could think on it any longer, the chronometer on the wall above us chimed and the Ascian in my arms finally stirred, diverting my attention. The smile returned to my mouth as I tightened my arms around him. He hid his face in the crook of my neck, nuzzling his nose against my skin. 

I chuckled silently, my hands moving to his hair, my fingers gently brushing through the strands as I pulled back so that I could press my lips to his forehead. He relaxed under my touch, heaving a contented sigh.

“Good morning,” I greeted him quietly. His eyes cracked open as he peered up at me. “You slept well. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so-”

As his mind continued to wake, his eyes widened. I sucked in a sharp breath as he shot out of my arms, quickly looking around the room as if he wasn’t sure where he was. I pushed myself up into a sitting position and placed my hand on his shoulder. 

Emet-Selch turned back to me, his gaze scrutinizing every ilm of my body, pausing for a long moment on my chest- my soul- before sliding to the earring still lying on his nightstand. His eyes came back to mine. 

“Are you…?”

“I feel fine,” I insisted, my hand rising to my bare earlobe. I rolled it between my thumb and index finger. “Can’t explain it, but I feel…” I paused, gauging just exactly how I felt. “Great, actually.”

His nodded as his gaze fell to my chest once more, observing me closely. Eventually, his brow furrowed and I watched his hand rise to rub at his chest. I tilted my head at the action, though he didn’t seem to notice it.

“You seem well,” he sighed, finally. “I’m afraid I have no explanation, either.” I lifted a finger to my lips as I thought back to the night before. After he’d taken the earring...I could only remember the Light thrashing so violently a couple of times while I was exploring before...nothing.

“Maybe my soul’s just...used to it now?” He shrugged one shoulder.

“Perhaps,” he said, though I could hear the uncertainty in his voice, likely unwilling to give into any false hope, even if it was for my benefit. 

Before he could continue, I began sliding out of bed. 

“In any case,” I started, placing my hands on my hips and looking around the room for my clothes. 

Which hadn’t been brought here. 

“Can we go make some breakfast?” I asked, my focus narrowing in on one of the drawers of the dresser across the room. He watched me in silence as I strode over and pulled it open to find a dark robe folded inside. I pressed my lips in a thin line as I examined it, unsure, exactly, of  _ how _ I knew it would be here but…

I recognized this robe. In my flashbacks...

“So flashy,” I breathed, suddenly, reaching into the drawer. 

“Hm?” I held the cloth up by the shoulders, letting it fall from its folds. 

“What you wear now,” I explained. “I remember that you... _ hated _ standing out like that.”

He remained quiet. I could barely hear him breathing. Finally, I hummed and moved to slip it on over my head, then turned back to him as I pulled my hair out from beneath the neckline.

“How does it feel?” he asked.

“Comfortable, as always,” I replied, then lifted a hand to my lips.  _ As always _ . “But, I…”

He was out of bed in the next moment, startling me out of my thoughts. He retrieved another robe from the drawer, though it was much larger than mine. He pulled it on and I marvelled at how perfectly it fit him- how natural it looked draped over his body. Though his eyes were still skeptical at my sudden burst of enthusiasm and energy, he grinned down at me, twining his fingers between mine, before tugging me through the apartment and into the kitchen.

“What would you like?” he asked when we entered the room. My brows shot up in surprise- his mood seemed improved already, and we’d barely moved thirty fulms. His hand slid out of mine as he made his way to the counter. I came to a slow stop in the middle of the room as I thought. 

“Nothing fancy,” I said. “Maybe just something simple...”

My eyes scanned the countertops and the closed cabinets before landing on him once more, a sheepish smile spreading across my lips as an idea popped into my head.

“Would you...want to help me?” He raised a brow at my request. 

“In truth, hero, I had expected to make the food myself,” he began as he considered my proposition. “What is it that you will need?”

I grinned widely and closed the distance between me and the counter, rambling off the ingredients. 

It took a while, though making bread  _ always _ does. But, when I finally laid the long strands out side-by-side on a pan, the oven prepped and ready next to me, Emet-Selch stepped up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. He rested his chin on my shoulder, watching as I began braiding the lengths of dough together in a plait. 

When I was finished, I crossed my arms over my chest with a frown. The Ascian lifted his head, tilting it in inquiry.

“What’s the matter?”

“Something’s missing,” I answered. 

Something… 

“Ah!” I exclaimed. He pulled away from me, instead opting to lean on the counter next to me. “The seeds!” His brow furrowed in what looked to be suspicion as his gaze fell to the dough.

“Seeds.”

“Yes,” I confirmed. “Little, white seeds that I used to put…” 

“These?” With a snap, a small, burlap sack appeared next to the pan. My eyes widened as I dipped my hand into it and lifted a few of the seeds out. 

“Yes, exactly these,” I said, breaking out into a wide grin, though he remained silent. 

When I’d finished, I slid the bread into the oven and we went about preparing other dishes. 

A short while later, I quickly peeked in as I passed, carrying a platter of bacon and eggs in one hand, dishware and silverware in the other. I realized it was done and looked over my shoulder to Emet-Selch, who was cleaning out the frying pan.

“Hades,” I started, setting the plates down onto the table before heading to place them before our chairs. “Could you pull the bread out?”


	28. Emet-Selch

I awoke to the soft chime of the chronometer on the wall, though I had been fading in and out of consciousness for a short while. I felt her arms tighten around me, and I nuzzled my face further into her embrace. The feeling of her fingers raking through my hair, her lips pressed against my forehead as she shook with a silent laugh, made me relax into the mattress, sighing contentedly. 

It felt as if I had not experienced this level of comfort for thousands of years, but now, having her so close once again, feeling her happiness as if it was my own just as it had always been… 

Had it all been a dream then? A product of my overactive imagination? The Sundering, the Final Days?

“Good morning,” she said softly, my mind starting to fully rouse with how _different_ her voice was. When I slowly opened my eyes, the eyes peering curiously down at me were not the ones I expected. “You slept well. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so-”

I sat up suddenly, looking around as I took stock of the room, my aether clear in every wall and piece of furnishing. The recreation then. Which meant- 

My shoulders tensed at the realization that I had fallen asleep in the _Warrior of Light_ ’s arms, the familiar feeling of her soul around mine lulling me into a deeper slumber than I had experienced for far too long.

Her hand on my shoulder tore me from my thoughts, and I looked at her, examining her slowly. She seemed… fine.

Which was odd because if I had fallen asleep afterward, then I had not been able to give her the earring. My gaze landed on the trinket, left still on the nightstand, the pulsating aether barely depleted. I snapped my eyes to her earlobe, and I frowned. “Are you…?”

“I feel fine,” she confirmed, her hand coming to hold the empty lobe with a shrug. “Can’t explain it, but I feel… great, actually.”

I nodded slowly, my gaze sliding down to her chest as I examined it intently, trying to see any progression, trying to take note of any new fractures.

And yet… no matter how hard I looked, I could not seem to find one.

It… didn’t make any sense. So many hours without the protection of Darkness to counter the Light…

I furrowed my brow, my hand idly coming up to rub at my chest as I watched the Light thrash within her. 

“You seem well,” I confirmed with a sigh. “I’m afraid I have no explanation either.”

“Maybe my soul’s just… used to it now?” she asked, and the hopefulness in her tone was not lost on me.

“Perhaps,” I replied with a shrug of my shoulder, though it did not seem plausible that her soul would suddenly bolster itself after sustaining so much damage.

But since such strain to a soul is relatively unprecedented, so while it did not seem _logical_...

Before I could continue my musings, she shifted, pushing the covers off and sliding from the bed. She scanned the room, her hands on her hips, intense focus clear in her expression.

“In any case, can we go make some breakfast?” she asked, her gaze honed in on the dresser across the room.

I shifted slowly, seating myself on the edge of the bed as she marched over to it and easily slid the drawer open. Her hand slid across its surface, her head tilting to the side slightly.

“So flashy,” she whispered, reaching in to grab the cloth in her hand and pull it out.

“Hm?” I watched as she held the fabric up, examining it as it tumbled down. 

“What you wear now,” she murmured, her eyes searching the length of the robe that she held up at arms’ length from the shoulders. “I remember that you _hated_ standing out like that.”

My breath caught with her words, with her recollection of how things _used to_ be. How comfortable she was maneuvering through the bedroom, seeming to know exactly where to find something to wear. I swallowed as I continued to watch her, unsure of what to say in response to her observation. 

And when she hummed and shrugged her shoulders slightly before bundling the robe up once more to slip her arms and head through the openings, I was barely breathing. She pulled her hair out as it slid down into place, fitting her just as perfectly as it once had.

Finally, when she turned toward me, and her eyes were clear, I exhaled the breath I had been holding. Her focused gaze was proof enough to me that this was a continuation of yesterday, that she had truly come to remember, rather than being caught within a vivid Echo.

“How does it feel?”

“Comfortable,” she replied, looking down at herself before flashing me a bright smile. “As always.”

Her eyes widened slightly, her fingers coming up to graze at her lips with surprise at her own words. “But, I…”

Before she could ponder the thought that ran through her mind and question her newfound memories, I slid from the bed. I reached into the drawer, quickly grabbing one of my own robes and pulling it over my head.

When we made it to the kitchen, her excitement at making the meal was surprising, though not unwelcome. She rapidly listed off ingredients, pausing only to look over her shoulder at me expectantly when I did not immediately procure them. 

I breathed a laugh, snapping my fingers to cover the surface of the counter with the materials requested of me. We settled in a comfortable silence as I stood behind her, my chin on her shoulder as I watched her launch into her task with enthusiasm.

Seeing her this way, as she maneuvered through the kitchen with ease, pulling open drawers and opening cabinets to rummage for bowls, was invigorating enough that I was able to push the dull burning that churned in my chest aside. For the time being, at least.

Eventually, once the bread she was braiding was all but completed, she paused. A deep furrow appeared on her brow, her arms crossed over her chest. Something was ‘missing,’ she said as she tilted her head, her eyes narrowing at the plaited dough.

“The seeds!” she suddenly exclaimed, and I stepped back from her to lean against the counter. 

I peered down at the unbaked bread, the dough neatly plaited with the same precision she always had. 

“Seeds,” I repeated with skepticism. It _was_ true that she would frequently garnish the bread with particular seeds, but it was not necessarily an uncommon practice at present.

“Little, white seeds that I used to put…”

“These?” I asked, my heart swelling with hope as I snapped my fingers and a small sack appeared before her.

“Yes,” she breathed, her fingers grabbing a few to place within her palm. Seeds that were no longer in existence, but were commonplace in eons passed. “Exactly these.”

Sometime later, the bread was baking in the oven, its aroma filling the kitchen. As she plated the remainder of the food and headed toward the small table, she turned to me.

“Hades, could you pull the bread out?”

The kitchen went still. I’m not sure how long I held my breath before she looked over her shoulder at me with a quizzical look. I was sure my mouth was hanging open with the indescribable shock that filled me. I slowly lowered the frying pan down and turned toward her.

To hear that name— _my name_ _—_ spoken aloud once more… 

How _long_ had it been…?

“Are you alright?” she asked, placing the plates down on the table as she turned to face me, concern evident in her expression and voice.

I exhaled the breath I had been holding and took a tentative step toward her, reaching my hand out. I placed it softly against her cheek, and she furrowed her brow. 

“Did-Did I say something wrong?” she asked softly when I did not speak, searching my expression warily.

I brushed my thumb across her cheekbone, my eyes searching hers as I shook my head.

“No,” I breathed in response. “The opposite. I didn’t think I’d ever hear it uttered by another until the Rejoining.”

“I... “ The furrow of her brow deepened. “I’m not sure I understand. I only asked you to remove the bread from the-”

The disappointment that undoubtedly flooded my face made her stop short.

I slowly lowered my hand, nodding stiffly. The moment I beheld the uncertainty that danced in her eyes, the hope that was swelling within me burst and slipped away.

She furrowed her brow, a frown crossing her lips as she seemed to intently focus.

“I know I said _something_ , but… What… did I say?” she asked, more to herself than to me.

As I watched the increased intensity of her attempt to dig through her mind, a surge of Light swelled out from within her, different than the aether that she now housed. As she continued to try to force herself to remember, it grew in intensity. With it, a sharp pain ignited within my chest, radiating throughout my body with a force so strong that my hand immediately came up to grip the cloth of my robe. I hissed at the sensation, rubbing my palm against the surface in an attempt to quell the discomfort that overcame me.

Her expression immediately shifted to one of concern as she dropped the utensils in her hand onto the table without a second thought. One of the forks slipped from the surface, clattering loudly to the ground, the sound ringing in the silence of the room.

And then, just as quickly as it had started, the pain began subsiding. I furrowed my brow, exhaling a breath as I raised my gaze to hers. My grip lessened on my robe, and I watched as she slowly raised her hand to mimic my stance, her hand splayed across her chest though she was in no discernable pain.

“What-” She faltered as my eyes snapped down to her soul.

Unchanged. 

I narrowed my eyes. 

Completely stable. Without the Darkness. 

“Emet-Sel-”

“Let’s eat,” I murmured, locking my eyes with hers once more. “And then, perhaps, we can return to your friends.”

She sighed, searching my expression for a moment before nodding her head and turning back to take a seat at the small table in the kitchen.

I sat across from her, an uncomfortable silence spreading between us as she began eating her food. With a sigh, I snapped my fingers, the loaf of bread appearing between us, just a few moments shy of being overbaked.

When we had finished, she stood without a word and began to clear the table. I clicked my tongue, raising my hand to snap once more, the plates in her hands vanishing. 

“You’ll find a change of clothes in the bedroom, hero.”

With a slight nod, she began to leave the room without another word. I listened to her footfalls, sighing as they grew softer as she made her way through the living room before coming to a slow stop.

Peering over my shoulder, I could see the hero’s hand brush along the surface of the end table before she lifted her hand to hover over the empty space where we frequently had placed floral arrangements. 

Another pang of discomfort made me click my tongue as I rubbed my chest, and I found myself furrowing my brow at the annoyance of the sensation, its sudden emergence a complete mystery. 

It was not as severe as it had been mere moments ago, but there was no discernable surge of Light this time, either. Whatever had transpired here in the kitchen was different, it would seem. Now that I was focused on it, a similar sensation seemed to come and go throughout the morning.

I turned then, tilting my head to get a better look through the doorway. Eyes unfocused, she seemed lost in another memory before she suddenly jerked her hand back and looked at her palm, blinking rapidly down at it before shaking her head and continuing back to the bedroom.

And… as she grew further away from me, I could not help but notice the slight improvement in the deep burning beneath my palm. 

Upon further reflection, the pain was similar in nature to the sensation I had experienced at the Well. Which meant, perhaps, that my soul itself was aching. But why? What would cause such a constant nagging, a dull burning that seemed to swell and surge at seemingly random moments?

Realization dawned in my mind as I watched the beacon that was her soul begin to make its way toward the bedroom, faltering a moment as it flickered from a wave of Light lashing against it. 

For thousands of years such a connection between our souls had been dormant and now…

How had she accomplished it so thoroughly? To allow me to remain without even consciously thinking of it, just as we had done in the age of Amaurot.

I was pulled from my thoughts at the sound of an object clattering to the ground and opened a portal to emerge in the bedroom in time to see the Warrior of Light affixing the earring to her lobe.

The lamp had fallen to the ground, and she was leaning heavily against the nightstand. The moment the dark aether swirled within her, settling as it usually had against the brightness of her soul, she exhaled a deep breath of palpable relief.

She turned with the hum of my portal, the slight pallor of her face making me frown as I approached her. She sighed, shaking her head as she sat on the edge of the bed.

“I… guess I’m not used to it,” she stated sadly as she averted her gaze from mine. “It flared up so suddenly. I barely made it.”

“You could have called for me,” I murmured, placing my hand on the side of her face, and she hummed, shaking her head.

“You… were so disappointed with me,” she replied after a moment. “I didn’t want to bother you-”

“Don’t be absurd.”

She slowly raised her eyes to mine once more, searching my expression before nodding slowly. Silence descended between us, and I lowered my hand from her cheek, pursing my lips as I scrutinized her carefully. 

“Could you tell me what I said?” she asked, barely above a whisper.

I exhaled a quick sigh, dragging my palm across my face before looking down to see her staring down at her hands in her lap. She had folded her fingers together tightly, her knuckles turning white as she took a deep breath.

“I-I’m sorry,” she mumbled, her voice trembling slightly. “I just- I _tried_ to remember the words I spoke but no matter what I do- It’s-”

“My name,” I responded, interrupting her frantic rambling as a single tear slid down her cheek. “You seemed… At least for a moment, you seemed to remember my name. It would appear I was mistaken. I… let my guard down, thus explaining the disappointment.”

Her lips parted, and she quickly raised a hand to wipe away the tear as I turned away from her toward the door.

“You went exploring earlier,” I remarked before she could comment on my admission. “Was there anything of note in your perusal that you’d like to ask about?”

The chronometer ticked a couple of times before she exhaled a soft breath and cleared her throat. “The library, if you wouldn’t mind.”

When we arrived, she took a deep breath, heading straight to the shelves and plucking a thicker tome from the single row of books I had recreated. She held it in her hand as she turned to me before holding it up, its golden lettering on the deep red cover glimmering in the lighting.

“This was the book you wanted,” she said. I exhaled a breath through my nose. 

“Yes,” I replied, my eyes scanning the cover. 

“Our friend’s research.”

“You remembered?” I asked, taking a step toward her as she nodded.

“I remember a dear friend of ours wrote this book, but I can’t, for the life of me, remember his name,” she said, lowering the book to hold it, her fingers sliding along the cover.

“Can you read it?” I came to stand beside her, watching as she shook her head. 

“No,” she sighed. “But I recognized the spine. The embellishment.”

I breathed a laugh. “Yes, he was very particular with his designs. His books were the easiest to spot on a shelf. _On the Relation Between Souls and the Underworld_ ,” I read the title to her and recollection lit in her eyes.

“A soul latched onto a Creation it should not have and…” She trailed off, and I hummed, nodding my head.

“He and I were trying to understand _how_. We never fully came to understand, not enough time.”

She nodded her head, lifting the cover and turning the pages, her gaze lingering on the diagrams Hythlodaeus had enchanted upon the paper in an attempt to create a visual for the flow of the Lifestream. 

A soft creaking filled my ears, and I quickly looked to her soul, watching as it strained the longer she looked at the contents of the book. The Light thrashed in response to her emotions, pushing roughly against the unrelenting Darkness that coated her soul. With each wave, I watched pressure increase against her soul, its shape almost seeming to shift with the strain.

It made little sense, but the implications and explanations were not to be pondered yet. Not without solitude to be afforded silence to be truly cautious with where my mind wandered.

She furrowed her brow, her breathing hitching slightly from the mild discomfort, but she otherwise did not react. Finally, when she had flipped through a handful of text-filled pages, she spoke.

“The tome,” she said, speaking slowly as she lifted her eyes to meet mine. “From the Crystal Tower. Why would you…” She furrowed her brow, and I tilted my head, trying to ignore the agonizing sound of her soul threatening to come apart as she stood before me. 

“Why would we research such a thing? The process to untemper a soul?”

She nodded her head, and I brought a hand to my chin as I considered her question carefully.

“The mortals who were manipulated into such research were attempting to free their comrades from the grasp of a primal,” I finally said, and she nodded her head. “They did not have enough strength, not enough aether… the strain of the task-”

“Shattered the soul,” she interjected. “But what was the _true_ reason for it? Surely you would not have been invested in some menial mortal struggle with freeing their loved ones from a tempering. Not when Ascians undoubtedly brought about the primal in the first place.”

“How astute of you,” I muttered dryly. “Yes, there was a personal stake in the study from our end as well. A tempering broken.”

“Oh, I see,” she murmured, looking down at the page to avert her gaze. “And… who? Was released from a tempering?” 

“Fandaniel,” I replied, and she looked up quickly, hope swelling within her expression. “An Ascian lost in an accident. His fragment was destroyed, but it seems the soul itself was...”

I watched as her mind visibly began to churn when I trailed off, the implication not lost on her. When she spoke, it was careful, measured. “Then… Zodiark’s grasp... _can_ be removed...? From a soul?”

“Yes,” I confirmed, the word making excitement dance in her eyes. “However, while this _accident_ cost the Ascians one of their number, the attempts to replicate it with even a minor deity yielded naught but destruction. No soul survived the process. To attempt it on my behalf, which I feel compelled to remind you is unsolicited, would be, quite frankly, moronic.”

She nodded slowly, a frown crossing her lips at the harshness of my words. I sighed slowly.

“If you must insist on continuing to entertain the idea,” I continued, speaking more gently now. “While it may be _possible_ to break Zodiark’s hold, it is extraordinarily _difficult._ The amount of aether used upon Fandaniel’s release was… enormous. And not sourced from a _single_ soul.”

“I guess we should maybe head back then,” she murmured after a moment as she traced the embossed lettering on the cover of the book before turning to gently slide it back into place.

“Is that what you want? To return to the Crystarium?”

“I…” She glanced around the library, all the shelves barren except for the one she stood before. “There’s a lot I’ve come to remember being here, and I want to stay. To try to remember more, but…”

“You have a task awaiting you,” I concluded, and she nodded solemnly, turning to face me. 

“I know you want me to reconsider,” she started, lowering her gaze to the floor. When I did not respond, her hands slowly came into fists at her sides before placing my finger beneath her chin to slowly tilt her head up. 

I searched her eyes, the silence stretching between us before I sighed slowly through my nose. 

“Before we leave, there’s something I want you to see,” I said softly, and she furrowed her brow. 

Slowly lowering my hand from her chin, I offered it to her as I turned slightly toward the doorway leading to the hallway, waiting only a moment before she threaded her fingers with my own. 

“Is it in the apartment?” she asked as I pulled her into the hallway and across to the living room, the curiosity that replaced the sadness in her voice pulling the corners of my lips upward.

“Mmm…” I pondered how to respond to her question before shaking my head. “Not quite.”

“So are we going somewhere else then?”

I brought us to a stop in front of the large double doors that led to the balcony.

“We are not,” I replied, turning to face her and watching as confusion filled her expression. She glanced around the room, looking everywhere other than the heavy curtains still obscuring our view of the cityscape.

Finally, when she looked at me again, I turned my head toward the curtains. She sucked in a sharp breath. 

“I believe you are ready now,” I said softly, raising my hand to snap. “But you’ll have to close your eyes first.”

“Okay,” she breathed, and I peered down at her to see her eyes flutter shut, her lips parted with wonder, her body tensing as she waited for the sound of my snap to fill the room. I breathed a laugh, clicking my fingers together. The curtains slid to the sides, pulled up in ornate tiebacks that matched the rest of the decor. I took a step forward, dropping her hand for a moment to grip the door handles before pushing the double doors open.

Immediately, we were met with a rush of the saltwater air, and she took a deep breath. When I looked back at her, her brow was furrowed, her hand up to her chin.

“The sea…? That doesn’t seem-”

I chuckled, taking her free hand and pulling her out onto the balcony. 

“You’ll see soon enough,” I reassured her, positioning her at the center and turning her slightly toward the heart of the city, with its towering spires and vibrant lights. 

“Can I open my eyes now?” she whispered, and I hummed my dissent, taking her hands within mine.

“Just a moment,” I murmured as I placed her palms upon the railing. She immediately moved her hands along the stone surface, her brows lifting with surprise. “There. Open them.”

I watched with bated breath as she slowly slid her eyelids open, her expression shifting as she processed the sights before her. Surprise first, then amazement, and finally, a hint of recollection.

Tears welled in her eyes as she leaned forward to peer down below us, the rest of the residential district unlit save for our apartment. She quickly wiped her eyes before she took notice of the rays of light slipping beneath the surface of the water above us. 

“We’re…” Her brow furrowed for only a moment before her gaze slipped down to the side, taking in the cliffs with sea life and traces of sand still evident upon their surface.

“Underwater, yes,” I confirmed and watched as her eyes widened. 

“How did you…?”

“With plentiful patience and aether.”

“Wow,” she breathed, redirecting her attention back to the cityscape. “All those details…”

I hummed as I came to stand beside her, leaning with my arms folded in front of me, tilting my head to the side as I examined the city closely. “Some of them, I simply cannot get _quite_ right,” I murmured. “But I doubt even Elidibus would notice those flaws. Lahabrea, on the other hand...”

“A perfectionist through and through,” she teased, looking at me from the corner of her eye. “I suppose it makes sense.”

“Oh? And why’s that?”

She shrugged a shoulder, matching my stance as she looked along the horizon. “To do what you do,” she offered vaguely. “Attention to detail.”

“Ah. Indeed.” To orchestrate calamities. “Yes, I suppose my mind is better suited for such tasks.”

“How long did this take you?” she asked then. Trying to diffuse any tension that may have come between us with her comments, no doubt.

“It’s hard to say,” I replied, perhaps too curtly. “My concept of time and your own are decidedly not the same.” 

She nodded her head slightly. “Must have taken a while, though.”

“Hmm… Many weeks, perhaps.”

“And you did it all by yourself,” she said, a hint of sadness in her tone. “Weren’t you lonely?”

I hesitated, glancing down at the main part of the city and watching the shades walking through the various squares. A detail that she would not be able to notice from this distance, but one that my gift permitted me to see. A detail to which I was yet unsure how she would react.

“Not really,” I finally replied, and she looked up at me with an arched brow, my delayed response stirring skepticism within her. “I’ve had you as a visitor, have I not? Even while it was being constructed.”

Realization lit in her eyes. “That morning I found you by the window… you were _building_?”

“Not in the sense that you think,” I mused. “In truth, by the time I brought you here the first time, it was nearing completion. Just missing some… flourishes.”

She hummed her understanding as she returned her gaze to the city, standing upright to hold her hand out to point at the spires.

“From my dream,” she observed, and I nodded my head. “I… saw them being made.”

“You did. Once upon a time.”

We fell silent once more, her eyes roaming every aspect of the cityscape before her before she sighed.

“I almost… wish I could show my friends,” she lamented, looking over at me. “But I doubt any of them would want to come.”

“Y’shtola and Ryne would,” I remarked. “Urianger, as well as Alphinaud. If only to sate their curiosities.”

“Maybe we can suggest it? I know they were interested when I returned the first time I had an extended stay, and Feo Ul regaled them on the details.”

“Perhaps…” I furrowed my brow, standing upright as well and bringing a hand to my chin. “But as it stands, I don’t believe Y’shtola could truly appreciate all the intricacies.”

I tapped my index finger to my chin, tilting my head as I scrutinized the recreation. “It would take some significant tweaking,” I muttered, lifting my other hand to lazily wave my fingers in the direction of the city. “Manipulation of the aether and its properties…”

Her eyes widened slightly as the shimmering sound of Creation magic filled the air, and she snapped her eyes back to the city. 

A spire vanished for a moment before rematerializing in its place, and I pursed my lips, waving my hand once more to repeat the process with a minor adjustment. I clicked my tongue, shaking my head. 

“Not quite what it would need to be. All she would behold would be a shape of aether, devoid of the finer details,” I sighed. “I’ll need to think about it, I believe. A project to pass the time.”

She looked back at me quickly. “You just-”

“Hm?” I lowered my hand then, watching as the Warrior of Light raised one of hers to snap dramatically. I waved the hand on my chin dismissively. “Oh. The snap is unnecessary.”

“Un...necessary?” she repeated incredulously. “You’ve always snapped. I don’t-”

“Perhaps it would be more accurate to say it is unnecessary in _this_ instance.”

She raised a brow, crossing her arms over her chest as she waited expectantly for me to continue my explanation.

“The snap is… essentially a replacement for staves or wands used by mages,” I murmured, averting my gaze as she stared at me with narrowed eyes. “It helps me essentially to better direct my magic, but Creation magic itself needs but only a thought and the requisite aether to conjure the image in one’s mind.”

“Then why do you snap so often?”

“Dramatics,” I replied instantly, and she rolled her eyes, making me chuckle before I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. “Honestly, being in a vessel unsuited for magic sometimes makes the aether… less predictable. Better to be safe than sorry. But the aether here is already in place, thus needs no accurate direction and simply requires… a nudge.” 

I glanced at the stone railing she was standing next to, conjuring an image in my mind before morphing it into metal fencing. She hummed with a slow nod, turning her attention back to the Amaurot recreation.

“So… you created the city for... what exactly?” She placed her hands on the new railing, gripping it tightly as she leaned over it, placing her feet between its bars. “To live in the past?”

“So I would not forget more than anything else. Some of the missing details are a result of fading memories with the passage of time. ”

“It's magnificent,” she breathed, looking at me with profound sadness in her eyes.

“Can you see now why I wish for it to be returned?”

She fell silent then, hoisting herself upward to sit atop the railing. She slowly kicked her feet in the air as they dangled over the residential district roads beneath us, her hands on either side of her body gripping the railing tightly. 

“I… can’t remember your name,” she admitted quietly. “I can remember the entire morning, but when I get to your name, there’s… a fog. I remember my lips forming it, but I can’t _hear_ it.”

“It’s alright,” I replied as I nodded slowly, trying to reassure her when I heard the profound sadness in her every word. We fell silent again, both of us in our thoughts as we watched the city’s skyline before us. 

The surge of Light. The fog blocking her recollection. An intervention from above, perhaps, but to prevent what, exactly? I told her that I would reveal the entire truth to her if she could just say my name, but in actuality, I had said that because I assumed she would _never_ come to recall it. 

But it seemed _someone_ was not quite comfortable with calling my bluff. There was so much I was not yet ready to reveal, so much I found myself nervous to admit for fear of losing whatever ground I had gained with her. After so many years apart, to frighten her away _now_ was the very last thing I would want to do. And yet… Hydaelyn had decided not to risk losing her Warrior.

I glanced over at her, taking notice of the flickering of her soul, the minute cracks that had started to form earlier in the day spreading slightly as she lost herself in her thoughts, the same sound from the library filling the silence between us. The Darkness seemed to offer nothing to halt the progression, only to make her oblivious to the pain. 

A mercy in and of itself, but cruel just the same. Her transformation at the end would come without warning.

“I... even remember when this city was so much less than this and how much work you put into it,” she finally said before she trailed off, speaking no louder than a whisper. “And yet… its name…”

I came to stand behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist. Trying to give her some measure of comfort as she grappled with whatever turmoil was flipping through her mind. 

The realization that Hydaelyn had intervened made me angry, the rage simmering in the back of my mind. She had stopped her champion from remembering an aspect of the truth that would allow her to decide her stance for herself, and I found such meddling unforgivable. In that moment, I could feel my resolve harden. 

I would do whatever it took to protect her. To preserve her. No matter the cost to myself.

“What’s… what was it called?” she asked, pulling her head back to look at me.

I shook my head slightly, resting my chin upon her shoulder. “It would be best, perhaps, if you remembered her for yourself, my beloved hero.”

She looked down at her lap, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth before exhaling an unsteady sigh. 

“There’s still so much I don’t remember,” she said sadly, looking back at Amaurot, tears welling in her eyes. “And I can’t- Something seems to stop me from- What if I never-”

I shushed her, lifting my hand to slowly remove the earring, ensuring I had extracted all traces of my aether from her. She tensed slightly in my arms, hissing at the churning of the Light against her soul. 

Before she could protest, I reached my soul toward hers, easily coating it as I had the previous night, the sound of the damage occurring to her soul fading away as the progression came to a stop. 

A confirmation to my suspicions, and with it came clarification as to how to proceed. She relaxed immediately, leaning back against me as I pressed my lips against her temple.

“Don’t worry, my love,” I whispered, tightening my arms around her as the burning in my chest churned with renewed vigor, my words sparking something within her that seemed to aggravate the Light. “The memories will return, with time. And until then, I will do everything in my power to keep you safe.”


	29. Warrior of Light

His words opened up something in me that I didn't expect. My breath hitched in my throat, my eyes widening for a moment as I saw nothing more than a flash of a memory.

His arms around my waist, just as we were now. His nose nuzzling my neck as we took in the sights of the city after a long day of work.

A chill ran up my spine, a whisper of the feeling ghosting along my skin. I exhaled unsteadily and blinked my vision clear again, tilting my head towards him to examine his face, surprised by the tenderness of his expression.

To... Keep me safe? Even knowing who he was... And what he was meant to do... 

Tears welled in my eyes as I lifted myself up to press a soft kiss to his jaw. When I pulled back, there was the hint of a smile on his lips and I turned my body back, swinging my legs over the railing to hop back onto the balcony.

Without another word, I gently took his hand in mine, twining our fingers together, and tugged him back to the bedroom, where I let him have me in anyway he wanted, until we were both spent and panting from exertion, but content in the pleasure we had been able to bring one another.

And, after a long, luxurious shower, we returned to the Crystarium, where the Scions were just beginning their lunch. 

When I walked into the dining hall, any and all conversation halted, everyone’s focus honing in on me. 

Y’shtola’s eyes scrutinized me closely as she set her cup down, confusion marring her features as she exchanged a glance with Urianger, who nodded. I pursed my lips as I made my way to my seat, Emet-Selch not far behind me. 

“You’re...looking well today, my friend,” the miqo’te started, breaking the silence of the room, though her tone was inquisitive and skeptical. I nodded, sliding down into the chair. 

“I feel pretty good,” I confirmed. “I think…” I tilted my head towards the Ascian as he reached for a roll from the platter in front of him and he paused. “I’m feeling good enough to start training again?”

With a sharp sigh out of his nose, he sat back in his seat, turning his head to the side, half-heartedly masking the annoyed roll of his eyes as he took a bite of the bread. 

“Yes  _ but,  _ you should take it slow,” he insisted after swallowing. “Your soul is stable for the time being, but any overexertion could change that in a single moment.” 

_ Overexertion _ . The thought nearly made me snort, a sly smile spreading across my lips as I thought back to our prior activities. He did not seem to share my amusement, however, and my face fell immediately as I cleared my throat.

A certain sadness welled within me at the realization that he’d slipped his mask back on, though truthfully, why was I surprised? It wasn’t as if it had been the first time, no matter how open and gentle he had been with me not twenty minutes before.

And the subject of my  _ training _ always seemed to annoy him these days. 

I pressed my lips in a thin line, gaze falling to my lap as I nodded my understanding. 

“Right,” I said quietly.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him lift a hand, rubbing as his chest over his tunic, brow furrowing in irritation. He’d...done that earlier in the day as well, though I could not recall seeing him doing it in the whole time I’d known him.  _ But _ , it was what  _ I _ had been doing...before... I raised my head, opening my mouth to inquire-

“Well,” Thancred said, so suddenly I nearly jumped in my seat. The triumph in his voice was unmistakable. “We’ll help you,” he started again, looking towards his young charge. “Won’t we, Ryne?” She glanced to Emet-Selch for half a moment, perplexion in her expression, before nodding shyly.

“Of course,” the Oracle answered and I began reaching for the food sitting along the center of the table.

Over the next few days, I did as instructed, slowly reaccustoming my body to the movements of my exercises. The first two mornings, Ryne escorted me on brisk walks around the Crystarium. Much to his dismay, the Ascian trailed along behind us, never more than a few fulms away. 

On the third day, I joined the girl and her guardian out in the fields of Lakeland after our walk to do their routine stretches. When they broke out in more rigorous maneuvers, I declined, opting instead to go and sit under the tree Emet-Selch had decided to take up residency. 

I tipped my water flask back as I approached, letting the cool liquid slide down my throat as I caught my breath. 

_ Gods _ , I thought, wiping the sweat from my brow. I was  _ very _ out of practice if mere stretches were enough to wind me. I sighed through my nose and looked up at the man reclining upon a thick branch.  _ The _ book was open in his lap once more, the fingers of one hand idly fiddling with the corner of the page in preparation to turn it, the other absently rubbing his chest.

“Are you alright?” I asked with a furrowed brow, placing my hands on my hips. His gaze slid to me as the motion of his arm halted. He pursed his lips for a moment before letting the hand fall to his lap.

“Fine,” he said shortly, then made a show of going back to his reading. I huffed an incredulous laugh and shook my head.

“Fine,” I repeated as I planted my feet on the ground, shoulder-width apart and bent down at the waist. I placed my palms flat in the dirt, my body creating a triangle with the ground and I counted the seconds under my breath. After half a minute, I walked my hands back, leaning heavily on one leg for long moments before moving onto the next. When I stood straight again, I stretched my arms above my head, groaning in relief. 

“Feel better?” he asked me without looking up. 

“Mm,” I hummed. “It feels good to  _ move _ like this again.” He nodded slowly and flipped a page. He furrowed his brow at whatever it was he read and waved his hand in the hair, a pen appearing before him. “I think...one more day of stretches. Maybe the day after tomorrow, I’ll...try some drills?”

“If you think you can manage,” he responded, though he seemed entirely uninterested as he plucked the pen from the air and began scratching handwritten notes onto the page. I raised a brow. 

“What are you writing?” He sighed.

“Corrections that  _ I _ am privy to and you are  _ not _ . Yet another reason you shouldn’t foolishly attempt what’s within these pages.”

I frowned, but jumped up, gripping the thick branch he was lounging on, and hoisted myself up with a grunt. He clicked his tongue in annoyance as the tree shook.

“Must you?”

I sighed as I set myself down on the wood and leaned over, trying to catch a glimpse of what he was writing.

“Can I-”

“Ah!” He snapped the book shut, willing the pen away, then shooed me away with one hand. “You wanted to  _ train _ , if I’m not mistaken, and reading is  _ not _ training. Back to your stretches, hero.” 

I pursed my lips in dismay and huffed.

“Fine,” I muttered with a sigh, and lowered myself back to the ground.

“Fine.” 

I stretched for a few more minutes until I felt it was sufficient, then sat on the ground with my back against the tree as I watched Ryne and Thancred dance around each other with weapons drawn, the sound of Emet-Selch’s pen once more scratching along the paper in my ears.

Nearly a week later, I felt as if I was back to my old self. I was able to easily keep up with Thancred during drills and duel with Lyna without breaking a sweat. 

Almost as if I’d never absorbed the Light. 

The thought made me laugh. I could still feel it, of course, churning about my aether, though why I no longer felt the pain anymore remained a mystery, especially without the Ascian’s Darkness aiding me. It was clear by our time in the apartment that my soul was decidedly  _ not _ used to the Light, but...I could not come up with an explanation.

I took a seat in the dining hall as I waited for my friends to arrive for a strategy meeting. Now that I was once more up to par, we felt it was time to move forward with our quest. 

Emet-Selch took his seat directly next to me. He leaned back, crossing one leg over the other and folded his arms over his lap as we waited. I watched him carefully out of the corner of my eye, the uncomfortable look on his face not lost on me. Ever since the day he’d shown me the city, he had barely left my side. When he did, he was never more than a few fulms away.

It was not as if I minded. He  _ had _ promised to keep me safe, hadn’t he? And his presence was...somehow soothing to me, even if it still made Thancred and the twins uncomfortable.

But no matter how his demeanor changed behind closed doors, whenever I watched him...his expression was almost always tight, strained...instead of the smug arrogance he’d always opted for. I wasn’t sure what had changed. 

“The scouts I sent to Eulmore days ago have finally returned,” the Crystal Exarch started once everyone was gathered. “The city has been turned into a fortress. Not only soldiers guard the gates, but the residents of Gatetown as well.”

“ _ Gatetown _ ?” Alphinaud asked, disbelief in his tone. The Exarch nodded slowly. “They wanted to gain entry to the city, yes, but to defend it in such a way…”

“My spies said they had been...acting strangely, as if possessed. It seems like it will be rather difficult to find a way in without confronting them.”

He heaved a sigh as the Ascian shifted, lifting one hand to his chin in thought. I glanced over to him again for a brief moment as he examined me carefully before the Exarch started speaking again.

“Would that we had been able to storm them early on, this would have been much easier.”

“It still could be,” the man next to me offered, finally. All eyes immediately went to him as he sat up. “I was previously on good terms with Eulmore. If I were to show up with you lot in chains, I imagine they would throw wide the gates.” 

My mouth fell open. Across the table, Thancred scoffed. 

“Let you bind my hands behind my back and feed me to the wolves? I think not.” Emet-Selch sighed sharply through his nose and rolled his eyes.

“A ruse,” he assured the hyur, who crossed his arms over his chest, eyeing the Ascian warily. “Nothing more.” 

“A ruse for who, exactly? For Vauthry, or for  _ us _ ?”

“I often wonder how thick that skull of yours is, you know. Or do my words simply go in one ear and out the other?”

“Now is  _ not _ the time to-,” Y’shtola interjected.

“If I were not around to question your motives, who would?” the hyur scoffed. “Clearly none of the others.” He turned towards the miqo’te, then. “Tell me, Y’shtola. Will it ever be  _ the right time _ for such matters?” She narrowed her eyes at him as he returned his focus to the Ascian, who leaned forward in his chair, the smile plastered to his face infuriating the Scion further, his nostrils flaring as he fumed.

“Now wait a moment,” Alisaie began. “I-” 

“For Twelve’s sakes,  _ stop _ !” I shouted, standing from my seat, my voice echoing off the walls of the room. The gunbreaker’s jaw clenched for a moment as Emet-Selch’s smile widened, provoking him to open his mouth once more. I slammed one fist down onto the surface of the table to grab his attention. “Thancred!” 

The Light in my chest reacted to my anger, thrashing violently, though I hardly felt more than a slight discomfort. 

“ _ Please _ ,” I begged him. Thancred’s eyes finally tore away from his target’s as he examined me for a moment as my brow furrowed and I placed a hand over my chest in confusion, the rage in his face quickly shifting to concern.

Beside me, the Ascian clicked his tongue. I looked down to him as he threw himself back into his chair like a child throwing a tantrum, the expression on his face tight and somewhat pained as he turned his head away from me. It was all I could do not to roll my eyes. Alisaie cleared her throat. 

“I am inclined to agree,” she continued once more, her voice calmer, though the tension in the air remained. “I would not allow myself nor any of you walk into that city with hands bound.” Her eyes shot to Emet-Selch. “No matter  _ who _ bound them.”

I slumped back with a sigh, pulling my lower lip between my teeth as I thought. 

“Could you…,” I began, wondering aloud. I watched out of the corner of my eye as he turned towards me. “Would you be able to just…” I snapped my fingers. “And take us there? We would be able to bypass  _ everything _ that would normally be in our way.” I tilted my head in his direction in time to see him purse his lips.

“I could easily bring  _ you _ through.”

“But not the others?” A snort from across the table.

“Her against you and all of Eulmore? A brilliant plan, indeed.” I shot Thancred another pleading look before facing the Ascian once more. 

“It would be the easiest way,” I insisted. He blew a sharp breath out of his nose, his eyes scanning the table in front of us, his hesitation clear. 

“I would need to consult Elidibus first,” he said after a long moment of silence. “To do so would require me to bring you to the space between dimensions. If it was just  _ one _ of you, I could easily open a gateway as I have in the past. A group, however, would require a landing...and that landing the Ascians have claimed as their own.” He stood, one hand reaching into a pocket inside the lapel of his coat. When he held his hand out to me, the earring sat in his palm, teeming with his dark aether. “Take this. I’ll return.”

I plucked the earring from his hand, examining it with a furrowed brow.

“Just in case,” he offered. With a nod, I affixed it to my ear as he stepped through a portal and was gone, leaving me with a profound sense of loneliness that I could not explain. 

“Forgive me, but…,” Alphinaud started a few moments later, a finger tapping his bottom lip. “Did he just refer to the Ascians as  _ them? _ ” Urianger lifted a brow in inquiry. “Not  _ us _ ?”

The Elezen hummed with a nod of understanding. 

“It would not be the first time he has spoken of the Ascians as separate from himself,” Y’shtola recalled, thoughtfully. Thancred’s chair creaked as he sat back, his arms folded behind his head. 

“A ruse,” he sneered, mockingly. “Nothing more.”

I felt heat rise to my cheeks and, without thinking, I reached for a roll leftover from our earlier meal and flung it at him with all my might. I watched as it hit it’s mark, right between the eyes, before bouncing onto the table and rolling onto the floor. I was unable to hold back the laugh that escaped me at the dumbfounded expression I found on the Scion’s face before spinning on my heel and heading back to my room. 

A while later, Emet-Selch found me curled into the plush armchair by the window, staring up at the night sky, bathed and waiting for him. 

“And the verdict?” I asked as he slowly approached. He hummed as he shrugged the coat off of his shoulders and gingerly sat on the edge of the cushion. His arms slid under me, lifting my body off of the chair as he made himself comfortable. 

“Elidibus has agreed,” he replied, gently setting me in his lap, guiding me with one hand to lay my head on his chest. His other arm wrapped around me and I felt his fingers deftly remove the earring from my lobe. I relaxed against him, grounding myself to his presence, listening to the steady thrum of his heartbeat as the tightness I had felt earlier began to ease. 

“I’ve already spoken to your friends,” he continued. “Against my better judgement, we will head out in two days.” I huffed a sigh and nodded, closing my eyes and burying my face further into his chest. He brushed one hand through the strands of my hair. “Get your rest, hero. You will need it.”

The morning we were set to leave, we gathered in the courtyard outside of the Crystal Tower and, true to his word, Emet-Selch opened up and stabilized a portal for all of us to travel through. When we landed on the other side, I looked a quick look around. 

“I know this place,” I said as my eyes landed on an Ascian in dark robes, watching us from one of the many pedestals encircling the large middle platform, leaning back against the crystal with their arms folded over their chest, a deep frown on their lips. The rest of their face was obscured by a red mask, similar to the ones I had grown familiar with.

“You do?” Ryne asked, her voice full of wonder, her eyes wide as she examined our surroundings. She paused as she noticed them as well, taking a step back in surprise, a small gasp escaping her. I hummed.

“I followed an Ascian called Nabriales here once. He had...kidnapped Minfilia. The original one, of course.” With my words, the Ascian clicked their tongue in annoyance and pushed off of the crystal, then took a few steps backwards, never turning their back to us as they dropped off the side of the pedestal and into the darkness of the Void. 

Behind us, Emet-Selch cleared his throat.

“If you are quite finished reminiscing,” he started. “We’d best be on our way.” I turned to find him standing with his arms crossed over his chest, an open portal next to him. I nodded, taking a deep breath as I readied myself. 

This was it.

When I stepped into the city, Ran’jit stood before us, outside the door to Vauthry’s chambers, scythe in hand. 

Together, the Scions and I made short work of him, still weakened from his previous battle with Thancred before our journey through Malikah’s Well. 

With his final words, he called for  _ his girls _ , the previous generations of Minfilias that he raised and subsequently saw die without truly living. 

After a moment of solemn silence, we made our way to the large doors that would lead us to our prey, closed and sealed in preparation for our arrival. 

The lock was easy enough to bypass, and when we finally entered the room, Vauthry was facing away from us, shovelling what I could only  _ hope _ was food into his mouth in disgustingly large amounts, barely chewing before he swallowed it down. 

I cringed as I took a look around the room, feathers and fruit scattered everywhere-

“Vauthry!” Alphinaud shouted. “Your reign of tyranny is at an end! You will answer for the suffering you have caused!”

“ _ What _ is that he’s eating?” Y’shtola asked with a furrowed brow. My eyes dropped to the floor in front of him, trying to see around his massive form. 

It looked like-

Ryne took a few steps ahead of us and reached her hand out. A moment later she took a step back in surprise, a hand flying to cover her mouth. She whipped around, her face nearly green, tears springing to the corners of her eyes.

“N-no,” she sobbed. 

Before we could inquire about her reaction, Vauthry sat up slightly, his head spinning all the way around to see us. My mouth dropped open in horror, a myriad of gasps of cries came from all around me.

“What nonsense is this?” Vauthry’s simpering voice asked, mouth full of food. His eyes scanned us as he swallowed his food, lighting in recognition. “ _ Answer? _ ” he scoffed. “There is no justice but  _ mine _ . No future but  _ mine _ . No  _ will _ but my own. It was preordained.” Slowly, his head turned back around.

“Unseat me? No, no, no no, no… I think not. How  _ absurd. _ ” His voice began to rise, his anger with it. “I am the greatest and wisest king, reigning from on high.” He lifted his hands, inspecting his palms before clenching them and leaning over to strike the ground over and over. 

“I  _ refuse _ to be brought low by maggots like  _ you! _ ”

He paused. 

“Or...I could just begin again,” he started, his voice suddenly lighthearted, as if nothing had happened. I narrowed my eyes at him. “Rebuild my paradise…” He looked down again, the remainders of his food still lying on the floor in front of him. “After...I’ve finished my dinner.”

He picked up a fork, a small loaf of meol speared on its tines, and sat up, dropping it into his mouth and swallowing it whole, metal and all. 

“Oh  _ Gods _ , no!” Ryne nearly screamed. “Stop him!”

But the moment Thancred ran forward in response, small, cherub-like wings sprouted from Vauthry’s back and he shrieked. I cried out, my hand flying to my head as my vision blurred, the frequency of his pitch causing a sharp pain behind my eyes. I nearly fell to my knees, peering out to my friends, in much the same state. 

And Emet-Selch- 

One of his hands clutching the material of his shirt over his chest, the other gripping the pillar next to him as the sound persisted.

When it finally ceased, I dropped to my knees, unbidden tears streaming down my cheeks. All around me, the were Scions gasping for air as they recovered, the Ascian slumping against the column. 

And, before we could even recover enough to attempt to stop him, Vauthry was lifted into the air and was gone. 

Moments later, the ground shook, nearly knocking us off our feet again. We rushed to the window he had flown out of to find a colossal chunk of rock floating in the air, a halo of gold surrounding it.

“Did-did  _ Vauthry _ do that?” Alisaie asked, slightly bent at the waist, still trying to catch her breath. 

“We have to go after-” I started, whirling back to my friends. 

“No,” the other twin interjected, averting his gaze to the marbled floor of the balcony. “We can’t. Not yet.”

“What do you mean?” Thancred asked, relaxing his stance.

“That is Mount Gulg,” he explained. “It’s the highest peak in this region. It lies on the other side of a sheer cliff. As badly as I wish it were otherwise, it is beyond our reach for the time being.”

“The Ascian could-,” his sister started once more, but he held his hand up to stop her, looking over her shoulder at Emet-Selch, who was...worse for wear.

“He seems...a little indisposed at the moment and…” He heaved a sigh, looking up to me again, the look in his eyes pleading. “There are people here who...will likely need our help dealing with this fallout.”

My expression softened with his words and I reached to place a hand on his shoulder.

“Of course,” I agreed. “Who would we be if we didn’t assist those in need?” His eyes widened for a moment before a small smile spread across his lips. He exhaled a breath of relief and we began heading back inside. 

Ryne paused by the small pile of meol that was leftover from Vauthry’s  _ feast _ . She turned it over in her hands, scrutinizing every ilm of it.

“What do you see?” Y’shtola asked as she came to a stop in front of the Oracle. 

“Sin eater,” the girl answered, quietly. “It’s made out of sin eater.” The miqo’te nodded with a sigh, placing her hands on her hips.

“I was afraid you might say that.”

“Vauthry…,” Alphinaud started, clenching his jaw. “He  _ gave _ it to the people of Gatetown and...to his own citizens.” 

“I venture in limited quantities, it may have limited effects but...if one were to consume it nearly regularly over a long period of time…”

“The Exarch’s scouts said those in Gatetown seemed to...be in a trance,” Alisaie continued for the conjurer, who nodded. 

“Those who partook of sin eater flesh did thereby render themselves susceptible to his influence,” Urianger concluded. 

“He’s been rounding them up and feeding them to people?” the twin began once more. Her brow furrowed. “But  _ where _ was he getting such vast quantities of them?”

A silence stretched between the lot of us as we pondered the question. Moments later, realization lit in my mind and I straightened, my breath catching in my throat. My glance shot to the Ascian, still leaning heavily on the pillar at the back of the room. His eyes met mine immediately, his lips pulled into a thin, tight line. 

He nodded.

“Many enter, but none leave,” I recited, eyes falling to the ground. “The Ascensions. The sacrifices.”

“I’m afraid the people of Eulmore and Gatetown need our help more than we realized,” Ryne sighed. “We’d...better get to work.”

As the Scions began exiting the room, I came to a stop next to Emet-Selch. A sheen of sweat had broken out on his brow. 

“Are you alright?” He huffed an unamused laugh and rolled his eyes.

“Perfectly,” he bit out, sarcasm lacing his tone. “Clearly.” I frowned. 

“Can I help?” He motioned for me to step closer. I did without hesitance, inserting myself into his side as he rested one arm across my shoulders. “What do you need?” He heaved a sigh.

“A short reprieve, hero. Could you help me to my room?” I nodded, wrapping my arm around his waist and began the brief trek across the city, stopping only to inform Y’shtola of our whereabouts.

When we arrived, I eased him down onto the bed, then stood straight. 

“If there’s nothing else,” I started, pointing over my shoulder to the door. “I should go help-”

“Stay,” he said quietly. I paused, eyes widening. “As much as I’d just  _ hate _ to keep you from your noble duties, I seem to rest better when you are near.”

“I…” I blinked back my surprise and huffed a small laugh. “They can manage without me for the time being, I think.” He nodded slowly as I slid onto the bed next to him. I gathered him into my arms, allowing him to wrap his arms around my waist. He laid his head against my chest and I could feel his body relax into mine as he listened to the beat of my heart. A feeling of comfort filled me and I pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

“Rest,” I ordered, as he had said to me night after night. “Just rest.”

A short while after he had fallen asleep, there was a soft knock at the door. Carefully, I slid out of his embrace and quietly made my way towards the entrance. I swung the door open to find Y’shtola and Ryne standing on the other side. 

“We came to see…,” the Oracle started, peering into the room. Her gaze landed on the Ascian, soundly sleeping on top of the covers. “How he was doing.” I tilted my head to the side in confusion.

“ _ You _ came to ask after the  _ Ascian _ ?” I asked incredulously, looking over my shoulder to him once more. 

“Ryne was worried,” the miqo’te answered. “But she wasn’t sure where you’d gone off to. And…” She sighed, placing a hand over her chest. “After what I saw in Vauthry’s chambers, I admit, I was too.”

I hummed, but moved out of the way so that they could enter the room. I closed the door again and followed them to the table he kept close to the window, rays of Light streaming onto its surface. The young girl folded her arms on top of the wood, her eyes still lingering on him. 

“I wish he would stop hurting himself,” she said sadly and turned back to face us, her shoulders slumping. My eyes widened. 

“He’s  _ what? _ ” I asked her, brow furrowing. She looked up to me with parted lips.

“You don’t know?”

“What do you see, Ryne?” Y’shtola asked gently. The Oracle sighed.

“His soul is enveloping yours.” I stilled. 

It- _ What _ ? I placed my hand over my chest, the breath knocked out of me.

“I saw him do it once before,” she continued, lifting a finger to her lips as she thought back. “At the Well, he...tried to fling his soul out to you, but it was too late.” My eyes shot to him. 

“What...is it doing to me?” I asked, attempting to keep my voice steady, hands balling in my shirt. 

“I can’t say for sure,” Ryne answered. “But with your miraculous recovery... and the absence of his power around your aether...I think he is attempting to  _ protect _ you.”

He had...he had  _ promised _ to protect me. To keep me safe. This was his solution?

Was this why I felt...normal? Why I could walk, train, fight uninhibited? Because he was  _ hurting himself? _ And all for my sake?

I sucked my lower lip in between my teeth. 

_ Of course _ , I thought. He had...never given me the earring back and when I woke that morning… I hadn’t even realized that his soul was still enveloping mine. 

Next to me, Y’shtola hummed with a nod. 

“He  _ has _ seemed more agitated than usual, has he not? As if... _ your _ pain is now his.” I blinked, nodding my head. His hand rubbing against his chest flashed in my mind. “And I’ve noticed he seems...almost  _ restrained _ . As if he has restricted his aether when you’re near him. When normally, he lets it flow...freely.” She tilted her head, sucking in a sharp breath.

“Ryne, do you remember what he told us?”

“He said something about what he had been told didn’t add up,” she confirmed. “But he couldn’t speak of it, lest he  _ waver _ .” 

My eyes slid between them, clearly privy to something I had no idea about.

“Could the Darkness be hurting her after all?”

Silence descended upon the room, save for the Ascian’s deep, even breathing. 

“Not on purpose, surely,” the miqo’te breathed. The Oracle shook her head.

“No, I don’t believe so. I think that’s...why he’s stopped using it. But…” She sighed. “If he can’t even  _ think _ about such things without his allegiance faltering…”

“We shouldn’t...speak about this around him,” I concluded. “Even if he is asleep.” Both of them nodded in unison. 

They left shortly after, insisting we take all the time we needed to recover. When I had closed the door after them, I blew out a slow breath and turned back to him, trying to process the information I had just learned. 

I walked back to the bed and sat down on the edge of the mattress, watching his face as he slept. Tears rose to my eyes and my chin trembled as my heart swelled. 

For my comfort, for my safety, he’d…

I breathed an unsteady laugh, raising my arm to wipe the water from my eyes before they fell, then slid back into bed with him. I gathered him in my arms, holding him closely, tightly. He hummed in his sleep, nuzzling his nose in the crook of my neck, his arms wrapping around me once more as well. 

I smiled, burying my face into his hair, and let him rest as long as he needed.

A few hours later, we emerged from the room and joined the others in the courtyard of Eulmore. Emet-Selch seemed to be back to his normal self, smug smile included, as we approached Alphinaud and Chai-Nuzz, who were bent over one of the small tables. 

They explained what had happened while we rested- that once Vauthry had retreated to Mt. Gulg, those under his trance were freed and informed of what had transpired. They had agreed to help and come up with a plan-  _ sans Ascian _ \- in order to get to the top of the cliff, we would need to once more make the Ladder operational. In order to do that, we would need the help of a few Talos.

And, it would seem, there was an expert in our midst. One who would be able to repair that which we would need to continue on with our journey.

The next day, we gathered at the bottom of the Ladder where two of the golems were lain. I stood back from the others, watching with a small smile as they worked together- the citizens of Eulmore repairing the physical aspects of the Talos while Y’shtola and Urianger infused them with their aether. 

I helped out where I could for a while before I fell back for a much-needed rest, heading for a large crate where the Ascian was standing, arms crossed over his chest as he observed. 

“Who would have thought,” he began, no shortage of amusement in his voice. “That the citizens of Eulmore would partake in what  _ could _ be called manual labor.” I took a quick swig of water and huffed a laugh through my nose, shrugging one shoulder. A few moments later, he sighed contentedly. I lowered the flask in my hand, tilting my head towards him with a raised brow.

“The vibrant energy that fills the air when like-minded souls gather together,” he explained, looking upon my friends with something resembling  _ fondness _ before turning sad, averting his eyes to the side. “Just like in a time before time…” 

I reached out to him, running my hand along the length of his back, trying to comfort him, no matter how little it helped. 

“How I wish you could remember the city in its entirety, my dear hero,” he sighed, shoulders slumping slightly. “You know of it’s magnificent spires, it’s-”

As he continued speaking of the greatness of the city, my brow furrowed, a whisper- a single word in the back of my mind quickly rising to the surface, repeating over and over until I could hear it clearly. 

“Amaurot,” I breathed. The word slipped from between my lips before I had even half a moment to ponder what it meant. Next to me, Emet-Selch faltered, his words coming to an abrupt halt. He whirled on me a second later and I backed up against the crate in surprise. 

“What...did you say?” he asked me, voice no higher than a whisper.

“Amaurot,” I repeated. He took a step closer, breath caught in his throat as he stared down at me with wide eyes. “That’s…” I swallowed hard, heart beginning to pound in my chest. “That’s what  _ our _ home was called...wasn’t it?”

He released a hot, unsteady breath against my face as we stood in silence, unmoving for several moments. His eyes roved every ilm of my face before, finally, he bore down on me, firmly pressing his mouth against mine. I sucked in a sharp breath through my nose 

_ Amaurot, _ I thought. I was right. Our beautiful utopia… I had... _ remembered _ . 

I didn’t know how. I hadn’t had an Echo, a memory...but I heard it nonetheless.

He pushed me back a small step further so I was fully pressed against the wood, his hips pinning me in place as one of his arms wrapped around my back, his other hand threading into my hair and loosing the tail as he cradled my head. 

Almost immediately, I melted into him. 

My arms hooked under his as my mouth began to move against his with fervor, pouring everything I had into the kiss. My love, my passion. I tried to show him how thankful I was for the things that he had done- for the things that he was  _ still _ doing, tears rising to my eyes at the thought.

“I should have known,” Thancred’s voice said, disgust lacing his tone. Both of us froze. My eyes flew open and turned my head to see the Scion standing a few fulms away, watching us with arms crossed over his chest. “I  _ knew _ that you were far too close for comfort,” he continued, shaking his head, disappointment filling his features. “I refrained from pointing an accusatory finger out of respect for you, my  _ friend _ , but I am unable to give you the benefit of the doubt when I have now seen it with my own eyes. An  _ Ascian _ of all people?  _ Really _ ?”

Emet-Selch breathed a laugh, straightening slightly. 

“I’d watch your tone when talking to your hero, my  _ dear _ Scion,” he chuckled, though there was no humor in his words.

“And I suggest you stay out of this,” Thancred spat. “This doesn’t concern  _ you _ .”

“Doesn’t it?” The Ascian arched a brow. The hyur bristled. 

“Both of you stop-”

“Here we were, simply trying to enjoy a quiet, secluded moment together and you-”

In a flash, the gunbreaker had closed the distance between us, his fist pummeling Emet-Selch square in the jaw. I gasped as I watched him stumble back a step, raising a hand to his mouth, blood staining his white glove as he wiped it away. Thancred then stepped between us, easily shoving him away further. 

As he was jerked backwards, I felt a jolt in my chest, feeling as though something had been  _ ripped _ away from my very being. I released an unsteady breath, raising my gaze, and when our eyes met, the Ascian’s widened in alarm. He tried to move around the Scion, who pushed him further away in response. He clenched his jaw.

I felt my knees go weak under me, the searing pain writhing inside of me. The unshed tears from mere moments before spilled from my eyes, streaming down my cheeks as my hand flew to my chest, fingers balling the material of my shirt in a fist, my fingernails scratching against healed skin. 

“Let me-”

I felt my consciousness begin to fade, the edges of my vision going fuzzy. 

“No,” Thancred said, firmly. “Stay away from-”

What were they saying? I couldn’t-

I shook my head, trying to clear it, cringing has the Light within me churned violently once more.

“Thancred,” Emet-Selch implored. “Just hear-”

“No!” the hyur reiterated, shouting now. “Enough is enough!”

“Please,” I whimpered. I fell back against the crate and slid to my knees. “I can’t-”

Their argument continued on, but I was unable to speak a word to defend myself. I could  _ barely _ understand what was being said over the roaring in my ears, over the pain the Warden’s aether brought as it tried to force itself into my soul with renewed fervor. 

“What’s going-,” Ryne’s voice started. 

“I’m  _ fine _ ,” the Ascian’s voice insisted moments later. 

“You aren’t-,” she argued. 

“Help  _ her.”  _

Again, another sharp burst of pain. A strangled cry escaped me as I fell further to the stone under me. 

“You’ll be alright,” the Oracle whispered, much closer this time. The lashing in my chest eased, the grip on my shirt loosening. 

I felt momentary relief before I let myself slip into darkness.


	30. Emet-Selch

Blood.

I stared at the stain that had seeped into my glove, running my tongue along my teeth.

The whelp had-

I looked up in time to see him interject himself between the Warrior of Light and myself before he placed each of his hands on my chest and shoved me further.

It was too much, too quickly.

The distance, the stretch. I tried to reach further by sheer strength of will, tried to keep my soul enveloping hers despite clearly exceeding the bond’s limit.

In my desperation, I felt my soul latch onto hers, snagging on whatever it could. The minute cracks upon her soul’s surface gave it a texture it should not have, but their presence allowed me to maintain at last some semblance of a grip. But then, as she stumbled one step further away from me with the shock that coursed through her as I all but scraped against her soul, I found could not hold it.

My eyes widened as I felt my soul snap back, despite my efforts. Its forced removal caused it to roughly yank on what little I managed to maintain contact with, the traction bringing about immediate traumatic damage to her soul. A high-pitched grinding filled my ears as the pieces that were barely held together shifted _just slightly_ , but it was more than enough. 

I took a step toward her, extending my hand out as she braced herself against the crates. Thancred clicked his tongue, forcing me further away from her and I clenched my jaw.

“Let me-” 

I watched as her hand flew to her chest, fingers tightly grasping her shirt, the first wave of Light surging within her soul, stretching it. 

I had to secure it; I had to stop the Light that was barraging her soul, forcing itself into every crevice that had now been made into a passageway within.

“No,” the hyur stated. “Stay away from her.”

“You don’t understand,” I tried to reason with him, my eyes wide as I watched her struggle to remain standing. Slowly, bit by bit, the Light rushed against her, as if it began to realize it was now unencumbered.

“ _You_ don’t understand, Ascian. You are never to be near her again.”

“Thancred,” I nearly pleaded, the sound of hairline cracks forming ringing in my ears. “Just hear me-”

“No!” he shouted, his hand grabbing the collar of my jacket into a fist as he finally pushed me against the wall of the nearby building. “Enough is enough!”

“Please,” I heard her whimper and my hands clenched into fists at my side as I watched her slide to the ground.

“Thancred,” I repeated, firmly, narrowing my eyes when they met his. “Let me pass.”

“No, I’m waiting until the others arrive,” he muttered, reaching behind himself to unsheath his weapon and shooting a round up into the sky. When he continued, he was nearly sneering at me. “Besides, why not just teleport to her side if you’re so-”

“I cannot,” I replied, interrupting him as I tried to convey the desperation that was swelling within me with each passing moment. The sound of her soul straining surged through the air, so loudly that I was sure it could be heard for malms around. And yet, his expression only hardened, unaffected by the chaos that was unfolding mere steps behind him. “Just let me-”

“Oh? And why’s that?”

“Do _not_ force my hand, Scion. I don’t want to kill you,” I whispered darkly as I slid my eyes back to the Warrior of Light, watching as her hand gripped the fabric of her shirt, her chest heaving as she struggled to breathe. “But if she turns and all of this was a wasted effort, I swear on Zodiark’s name, I will destroy you.”

His eyes widened slightly then and he finally looked over his shoulder. 

“You _bastard_ ,” he snarled, baring his teeth. He pushed his forearm against my neck, using his weight to push me against the stone. “What have you _done_ to her?” 

“Release me,” I repeated, the air around me crackling as I generated my aether, the sky darkening around us as the Darkness accumulated quickly, its hum as it swirled around my body filling the air. “I will not ask again. She needs-”

He narrowed his eyes, visibly hardening his resolve. “She doesn’t _need_ anything from the likes of _you_.”

Not a second later, I focused my aether outwards with explosive force, pushing the gunbreaker away, the sheer power I accumulated causing an indentation of the wall and the floor around me. I raised my hand into the air, projectiles of Darkness forming around me, aiming them at Thancred as he leaned up onto his elbows.

“You will stay there,” I commanded. “Do _not_ test my patience.”

When I looked back toward the Warrior of Light, I heard the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps, and finally, the rest of the Scions turned the corner. They came to an abrupt stop, one of the twins stopping to help Thancred back to his feet. 

Ryne gasped when she turned the corner, her hands flying to her mouth as she surveyed the scene before her. 

“What’s going on?” she asked, eyes wide as they rapidly switched between me, Thancred, and the Warrior of Light.

I took another step toward the Warrior, but the sound of weapons being unsheathed gave me pause and I looked out of the corner of my eye to see both twins and the gunbreaker at the ready. 

I glanced at the hero. Erratic, flickering Light lashed against her soul, the worsening cracks starting to ruin her connection with her aether. I watched with horror as it began to seep outward, blinding in its intensity as it was pushed aside by the Wardens’ Light. Once her aether had been all but replaced, there would be no stopping the transformation.

I leaned toward her, ready to make my move when a spell was let loose at my feet.

“Not another step, Ascian,” Alisaie threatened. “Whatever it is you’ve done-”

I exhaled sharply, dragging my palm roughly down my face. While I could simply accomplish what I wished by force, to injure them would do me no favors. 

“ _I_ have done _nothing_ ,” I bit out instead. Thancred scoffed from beside the twin. 

“We need an explanation then,” Alphinaud said, speaking more calmly than his sister. “For Thancred to be this upset-”

“I don’t have _time_ to-” I started, my frustration making electricity form in the air. 

“No, please, _allow me_ ,” Thancred spat. “As we would expect, he is a _liar._ And he’s been manipulating her from the start. He’s fooled her somehow, romanced her and she’s fallen for his tricks. I caught them _kissing_. The Warrior of Light. With an _Ascian._ ”

The Dark projectiles began trembling slightly in the air with my dwindling patience. Every moment wasted, every single breath she took worsened her state.

The twins shifted uncomfortably, looking between the hero and myself. When Y’shtola clicked her tongue and began heading toward the Warrior, Thancred narrowed his eyes.

“This isn’t the time, Thancred,” she muttered. “Put your blind hate away for one moment-”

“You _knew_!” 

“Of course I knew,” she replied with a roll of her eyes. “I’ve known the whole time. I can _see_ _aether_.”

“The _whole time_?” he nearly shouted, his hand on the hilt of his weapon shaking with the rage that was mounting. 

“How long has this been going on?” Alphinaud asked, trying to remain calm though the deep frown on his face gave his discomfort away.

“We’ve not the time, at present, to ponder such a thing,” Urianger said urgently, heading to join Y’shtola as she knelt next to the Warrior of Light, realizing the situation was more dire than it seemed. 

Alisaie’s eyes lit with realization, her expression immediately shifting to one of deep concern as she beheld the Warrior of Light.

I watched as Thancred seemed to piece the clues together, unadulterated hatred sparking in his eyes. “I should have known you’d take advantage of her. This is all according to your plan, isn’t it?”

Before I could respond, the Light began swelling within the Warrior, each pulsation of her heartbeat filling my ears with a nauseating sound akin to glass being scratched by a blade. 

The sky in the distance flickered. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Time was running out. 

Upon seeing my attention shift back to the hero, Thancred took off, propelling himself toward me only to be repelled by a shield I erected around myself. 

“I have spared you this long simply because of her affections for you, but I will tolerate your interference no longer,” I muttered as I raised a hand, the Darkness swirling around me as I pushed him back several fulms back to his fellow Scions. “You will let me pass, or I will kill you.”

Suddenly, a sickening crack filled the air and I looked toward the crates, quickly taking a step toward the Warrior, watching with wide eyes. My stomach lurched as the crack through the middle of her soul deepened and spread, the Wardens’ Light spreading through her, claiming her ilm by ilm. My knees buckled as the sound of her soul being torn asunder ran through my mind, reverberating within my chest.

I had to save her. 

An Ascension- 

It must be done, I had to find a way to-

But to do so would be against Elidibus’ command, would be against Zodiark’s will.

But Elidibus… Perhaps that meant that Zodiark, too, was-

I could feel the color drain from my face, a cold sweat breaking out over my entire body, and I knew I had done it again. Had transgressed again. But try as I might to calm my mind, to rationalize another path, the panic that gripped me led me further down the same path. 

Around and around in circles my mind raced, uncertainty and fear gripping the entirety of my consciousness as I watched the horizon flicker yet again, the Light radiating from her body as she curled in on herself.

Searing heat filled my lungs, my every muscle straining as I tried to resist, tried to overcome the punishment for my thoughts, for my doubts.

My ears started to ring, and I felt myself sink to my knees, my arms outstretched, clenched into fists against the cobblestone floor. I felt as if my throat was being clamped shut. My body was overcome with tremors, my chest heaving as I struggled to breathe. 

In the corner of my mind, I saw the young Oracle kneel beside me, her hand glowing as she prepared to heal me, her face marred with concern as she beheld me. I saw her lips form words, but between the roaring in my ears and the desperate thoughts swimming through my mind, I could not discern them.

“Ryne, stay away from him!” Thancred shouted, the sound of his voice growing distant as the edges of my vision blurred. I looked up at the Warrior of Light, desperation tearing through me. My mind continued racing, the hold on my neck tightening.

I _had_ to- She would-

 _No_ , I told myself firmly. _Calm down._

There was always another way. A longer, more arduous path, to be sure, but it _must_ exist. The longer I spent clinging to ideas that I would never be able to carry out, the less likely I would be able to preserve her soul. I _would_ save her, but not through means that would jeopardize the Rejoining.

I shook my head as I began to clear my thoughts, attempting to slow the racing panic of my mind. As soon as I hardened my resolve to find another way, I could feel my airway clear. The roaring of my heartbeat in my ears faded, the ringing slowly vanishing. 

As much as I knew an Ascension would provide the quickest recovery, it was clear such an action had been forbidden, for reasons I readily understood.

But considering a way to _save_ her, on the other hand, had not been met with retribution. Relief rushed through me, my lungs and airway clearing despite making such a choice.

I felt my chest expand with a deep breath, and finally took stock of the warmth that filled my cheek. The Oracle’s hand was upon it, her healing spell seeping through my skin, her hand on my back.

“It’s not like he’s been hurting her,” she said softly, as she looked back at her guardian. “She seems happy, doesn’t she? Why can’t you just let her be happy?”

Before Thancred could respond, I raised a hand to push Ryne’s away. 

“I’m fine,” I bit out, my eyes trained on the Warrior of Light.

“You aren’t,” she insisted quickly and I shook my head. “Your soul, it was-”

“Help _her_ ,” I implored, cutting her off before she revealed whatever it was she had seen. I slowly pushed off the ground to stand, my hand rubbing my neck and chest to try to will the residual pain away. “ _She_ needs you. Contain it. They won’t allow me near and we can’t afford to delay any longer.”

She nodded her head, lowering her hand from where it was suspended in the air as she glanced over at the Warrior of Light. Y’shtola was cradling her in her arms as Urianger attempted to cast a healing spell upon her, to no avail.

“Okay,” she whispered. “I’ll do what I can.”

When she hurried past, the remaining three shifted to stand between me and those who were working to stabilize their friend.

“I know better than to trust you,” Thancred said. “They seem to be fooled, but I won’t be.”

“You _idiot,_ ” I snarled, recalling the residual traces of my aether from the air as the citizens of Eulmore began to gather with the commotion. “This is _your_ doing and you don't even _realize it_. Meddling in things you do not understand.”

“His… his protection, it’s- it’s gone,” Ryne stammered then, her voice panicked as she looked over her shoulder at me. “What _happened_? I can’t… I can’t stop it- Her soul-”

I took another step toward them. If the Oracle could not slow the progression, then I _must_ get to her side. Alisaie’s hand tightened on her rapier, though she seemed uncertain in her stance, her gaze shifting back and forth between the hero and myself before finally settling on me. Y’shtola raised her eyes, locking her gaze with mine, hardened resolve crossing her features at what she beheld.

“Keep trying, Ryne,” Y’shtola said calmly as she handed the hero to Urianger. She slowly stood from the ground. “Let him through.”

Her hands went to her staff, Thancred’s eyes widening when she placed herself in front of them. 

“You can’t be serious-”

“I am _very_ serious. She will _die_. You will _let Emet-Selch through_.” Her aether began to churn as she punctuated her every word.

“But-”

“ _Now_ , Thancred!” she shouted, as she held her weapon out, the staff beginning to glow. “I will do what I must to save her. Do _not_ try me, my friend. This is not the time to be _foolish_!”

Alphinaud lowered his weapon, the intensity of their friend’s words giving him pause. His gaze finally landed on the Warrior of Light, her breathing shallow, her shirt stained with a hint of blood from scratching at her chest with such desperation. He nodded his head then, taking a step back. 

“Alisaie,” he murmured. “Let him pass.”

She sheathed her rapier, her eyes following his gaze, a gasp escaping her as she watched Ryne desperately try to contain the Light.

Before they had even come to a consensus, I was already heading toward her. I pushed passed the twins, kneeling beside the Oracle to place my hand atop hers. She looked up at me, tears streaming down her face. “I- I can’t-”

“You have done well, young one,” I whispered with a small, reassuring smile despite the torrent of grief and fear that gripped every fiber of my being. “Allow me to try.”

She nodded her head quickly, scrambling to move out of my way as I sat in her place. I reached to take her from Urianger’s arms, cradling her in my lap as I beheld the damage that had transpired within her.

The Light of her soul leaked out through the cracks, the pulsating erratic with her rapid heartbeat. The foreign aether crashed against it with each breath she took, each pass deepening the cracks, each crack ringing through the air with a piercing shrill that made bile rise into my throat. 

A whimper escaped her, the tears streaming down her face shifting to be more iridescent, a slight glow to them as the Light began to take root within her. Her aether radiated from her body as it leaked out, her skin hot to the touch as the aether ignited in the air before it surrounded her.

So much damage… so quickly… Would I even be able to…?

I shook my head to dispel my doubts, slowly reaching my soul toward hers, tentatively pushing passed all the aether that surrounded it. But when I reached further, trying to coax the wayward pieces that had been displaced by the Light back to their rightful places, I felt her soul give way beneath the pressure of my own. What had once met my own with confidence now seemed to slip away like sand between fingers, crumbling into smaller pieces with the slightest nudge.

She thrashed violently in my arms and I immediately withdrew, the color draining from my face as I observed her, her soul barely recognizable beneath all the damage the Light had wrought.

Had I… failed then? Was I too slow? Should I have forced my way sooner? Could I have saved her?

The Light continued to swirl around her, tendrils of Light shooting forth as the transformation began to take hold and I tightened my grip on her, crushing her against my chest as I searched my mind for any _possible_ solution.

Somehow, I was meant to protect her… Zodiark had seemed to allow it, had He not?

Unless… the intention was to stop me from doing so. To forbid an Ascension so that she would turn, be useful in the restoration of the imbalance in a different way. 

My body shook as I felt the deep-seated guilt and remorse take root. I buried my face into her shoulder, shaking my head. 

_No,_ there had to be something else, some detail I was missing. I clearly wanted to _save_ her.

_“Her heart and soul seek equilibrium, Emet-Selch. You needn’t waver.”_

I felt a rush of calm flood me as Elidibus’ words rang through my mind. 

I pulled back, my vision blurred from the tears that had welled up in my eyes as I looked down at her, taking a deep, steadying breath. Equilibrium. My soul and hers were not _equal_.

If I just…

Tentatively, I searched within myself, feeling for my soul. And rather than projecting the entirety of it as I had previously, as if we were in a time where our souls were evenly matched… instead, I reached out with only a portion of it, enough to match her own, Sundered as she was.

When I made contact, her breathing hitched, but she did not crumble. I felt her soul reach back slightly.

Tears filled my vision again as I gently cradled her soul with mine, desperately trying to hold it together, to keep it in place until it was stable enough for me to allow the passive connection to keep her protected. 

“What’s wrong?” she rasped, her hand coming to rest on my cheek, her thumb swiping away a tear that fell. I shook my head, my gaze meeting hers, the pale glow of her eyes unsettling as she searched my expression. 

I continued to gently nudge the most displaced pieces of her soul back where they belonged, relief flooding me as the color slowly returned to normal. What I previously detested because of its diminished intensity, I now cherished having faced the very real possibility that it was lost forever. The Light swirling around her body slowly began to seep back in, the air around us coming to a halt.

“Just rest, my dear hero. I’ll explain when you awaken.”

Her lids fluttered shut with a nod, her fingers loosening their grip on my coat just slightly. With a sigh, I slowly lifted my hand to wipe the trails the Light had left on her face, her breathing evening out as she immediately slipped into a deep sleep.

“What do you see?” Alphinaud whispered from beside the Oracle and I finally took stock of my surroundings since I had started desperately trying to hold the pieces of her soul together.

The young girl had her hand outstretched, her eyes closed as tears continued to stream down from her eyes and she shook her head.

“It’s…” She faltered, slowly lowering her hand to her lap. 

“In shambles,” I said, shifting to slowly come to a stand, the hero cradled in my arms against my chest. “I will do what I can, but suffice it to say she will _not_ be battle-ready unless I can stabilize it.”

Thancred opened his mouth to speak and I clicked my tongue. “I’m sure you think this is all according to my elaborate scheme,” I sneered at him, turning away and summoning a portal. “That I somehow am pleased with this atrocity. When you’ve come to your senses, I will be in Eulmore tending to her soul.”

“Can… I come with you?” Ryne asked, her eyes sad as she examined the hero’s face. 

“He will need to stop at the landing between dimensions for you, Ryne,” Y’shtola replied softly. “Let him preserve his strength. You and I can make our way back together.”

With a slight nod, the Oracle of Light took a step back, allowing me to step through to my room within the heart of Eulmore.

The following hours were long and difficult. Piece by piece, the fragments of her soul that had jutted outward from the intense force of my soul being ripped from hers had to be meticulously returned where they belonged. Smaller fragments lingered around the edges of her soul, hundreds in number, and each needing to be seated back in their original positions. 

But despite the seeming impossibility of it, I found it just as impossible to back down. I would reassemble it one piece at a time even if there had been millions of them to restore. Though the integrity would never be the same, I could only hope that it would hold long enough to allow me to find a way to expunge the Light from her while also staying the course toward the Rejoining.

Yet… try as I might… I could not seem to find one. To continue the Rejoining, to liberate the Light from her that was now so tightly intertwined within her own… 

_Was_ there even a way? Could I save her without-

I shook my head, clearing my mind quickly as I continued to hold her soul together, wrapped within my own, the violent churning of the Light bringing increasing discomfort as each piece clicked back into place.

She had been mere moments from turning… and had it not been for Ryne’s ability to control the Light, to still it for even a fraction of time, I likely would not have been able to-

A soft knock at the door broke me from my thoughts and I leaned back, waving my hand lazily at the door to will it open. The heavy footfalls were not the ones I was expecting and I turned my attention away from the Warrior of Light to see Thancred standing at the foot of the bed.

“Ryne and Y’shtola… they told us what they knew,” he said, when his eyes met mine, his hands gripping the bedframe. “I…”

“If you’ve come to apologize, you needn’t waste your breath,” I muttered, looking back at the hero and shifting to continue my task. “Save yourself the indigestion.”

He fell silent then, sitting upon the edge of the bed as I focused on finishing the stabilization of her soul. When the candles in the room had burned out, he sighed, standing to light new ones before taking his seat once more.

When I finally leaned back, wiping my brow with the back of my hand, he shifted his weight. I looked over at him, watching as his eyes roamed over the slumbering form of the Warrior.

“Will… she wake up?” he asked, finally breaking the silence.

“Time will tell. You’ve certainly done her no favors, ripping me away from her as you did.”

His hands came into fists on his lap as he looked down. “I know,” he murmured. “I just… I was so certain-”

“I cannot fault you for such an assumption,” I interjected. “Given your experiences with the Ascians.” He nodded stiffly. “However, not all Ascians are alike. Just as no two Scions are alike.”

He scoffed. “We literally have twins.” I arched a brow. “But I know what you mean, of course.”

We slipped into silence once more, my thumb brushing against the knuckles of the Warrior, her hand limp within mine as she slept. Finally, when the chronometer chimed, Thancred sighed.

“So… who was she then? To bring you to side with us?”

I hummed, shaking my head slowly. “I have not sided with the Scions, Thancred.”

“Cooperate, then. Someone important enough, I would wager.”

“Indeed, though even your young Oracle figured that out. Weeks ago.”

He huffed a sigh, clearing his throat. “Look, I get it. You don’t like me. I don’t like you either. But we both care about her,” he said. “I guess what I’m trying to say is…” He trailed off, shifting uncomfortably.

“Oh, alright,” I sighed. “Apology accepted.”

“I- What?”

I turned my head toward him. “This bumbling about, this was heading to an apology, was it not? An admission that you were wrong? Despite my attempt to tell you not to bother. I’ve saved you the trouble.”

His lips turned into a stiff line.

“Oh, did I misread you? Apologies on my end then. You were saying?”

“No, Ascian, you did not misread me,” he muttered. “I figured we could… call a truce. For her sake.”

“You _could_ try calling me by my title. Instead of ‘Ascian’.” When he sighed, I shrugged my shoulders. “Just a suggestion.”

“Will you answer the question or not?”

“Hmm… she _is_ a woman I care deeply for. It is not a matter of who she _was_.”

“In the Ocular, you said at first it was a scheme,” he started, furrowing his brow. “I just-”

“While it may have once been my goal to _take advantage_ , as you put it, the fact remains that I have not dissuaded her from her task. Not for lack of trying, mind you,” I said with a sigh. “However, if it _was_ still a scheme, and it very well could be, I most certainly would not reveal myself. Least of all to you. ”

He rolled his eyes. “Well, you’re an exemplary actor then. You should consider theater and give up the Rejoining business.”

“I will take that into consideration when planning my next career,” I retorted and a corner of his lips pulled up before he sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. He watched me in silence for a moment before his expression softened, the tension in his posture lessening.

“Honestly, if I hadn’t seen your expression when she woke up… I don’t think I would have believed anything I was told.”

My eyes widened slightly with his words, my free hand coming into a fist. The turmoil that surged within me elicited a soft groan from the Warrior of Light, the connections between our souls allowing her an insight into my heart and mind even while unconscious.

“Affection is certainly a vulnerability,” I muttered in response, sighing through my nose as I carefully examined her soul, watching as the crease of her brow lessened as I allowed myself to calm. “At least I won’t have to deal with your incessant harrumphing when I’m near her now.”

“All jokes aside,” he said, turning his torso slightly to get a better look at the Warrior as I adjusted the quilt I had placed atop her body. “Ryne said you were harming yourself. For her.”

“In a sense, though no amount of damage I endure will come close to that which she has already suffered.”

“Why, though?”

“I… had to stop it _somehow_ ,” I replied after a short delay, looking down at our joined hands. “If she would not abandon her course, her soul had to be saved from her recklessness one way or another.”

He hummed in response, seeming to accept my explanation. I sighed, looking over at Thancred once more. 

“Which brings me to my next point,” I murmured and he slowly looked away from the hero to meet my gaze. “I cannot say I will stray from my own course either.”

He clicked his tongue. “I can’t say I’m surprised-”

“Thancred,” I interjected harshly and he arched his brow. “I _cannot say_ that I will stray, and as such…, my future remains unclear. If something were to happen to me, if there was no other way to contain the Light…” 

I trailed off, turning my gaze to the nightstand beside me, my bloodied gloves, decorative medals and sash left on its surface. I slid the drawer open and picked up the earring I had placed within. “I will trust you to use this,” I concluded, meeting his eyes once more.

“Y’shtola mentioned something to do with your aether,” he said, bringing a hand to his chin. “As a last resort then.”

I nodded my head. 

“It was previously your go-to,” he muttered, furrowing his brow. “Has something changed?”

“Much has changed. Can I count on you?”

“Why me and not Y’shtola or Ryne?” he asked, narrowing his eyes slightly as I lowered the earring back down and slid the drawer shut.

“I have no interest in possessing your body. It’s not my style to jump as Lahabrea did,” I retorted with a lopsided shrug, realizing where his skepticism stemmed from. “There will be trying times ahead, and things will progress in one of two ways. If the situation arises to use the earring, you will likely be the one who is least affected by the turn of events and more cognizant of what _must_ be done for _her_.”

He examined me in silence, the only sounds between us that of the Warrior of Light’s deep breathing and the bustling of Eulmore below. 

“Try as I might, Emet-Selch,” he murmured, lowering his hand. “I can’t seem to grasp what your motives are.”

“Must they be so elaborate that you cannot make a guess?” I asked, watching as his brow furrowed. “Can my motive not simply be to protect her? To care for a soul above all others enough to preserve it?”

When he did not respond, I breathed a laugh. “I do not expect you to trust me, to believe anything I have to say. I am well aware that the Ascians have given you more than enough reason for your hesitance, ample fuel for your hatred. But I do ask that you consider this: why is it, do you think, that I did not form a portal to her side rather than demand you let me pass?”

From the doorway, Y’shtola’s quiet voice filled the room. “Because the Darkness from such an action would draw into her simply by proximity, further angering the Light that was already overpowering her. You could not portal to her, not without risking pushing her beyond the tipping point.”

As she made her way into the room, Ryne and Urianger followed. 

“And the twins?” Thancred asked, when Urianger closed the door behind himself.

“Stayed behind, to continue the work,” Ryne responded. “Though… there’s probably no point in rushing.”

I sighed, leaning back in my seat as I examined them in turn, the Light churning violently in her chest burning within my own. “She’ll likely feel fine when she wakes. If she wished to fight, she probably could.”

“And you? How do you fare?” Y’shtola asked, her gaze wandering the length of my body. “You seem well, but your aether is stifled.”

“Aside from some… marginal discomfort, I will also be fine,” I muttered in response. “Though I will request that she rests, if only for my sake.”

The miqo’te hummed, tapping her knuckles on her cheek. “Do you think you could teach Ryne how to stabilize the soul as you do?”

“I don’t know...” Ryne started, frowning as she sat on the edge of the bed beside Thancred. “I’m not sure I _could_ learn to do what he does.”

“Her ability to control the Light would ordinarily suffice,” I replied. “And now that she’s relatively stable once more, I’m sure it will be adequate in the event of my absence.”

Thancred’s lips turned down into a frown, before he sighed and stood from the bed. “We should find something to eat,” he said to his friends. “And allow Emet-Selch time to rest.”

Y’shtola quirked a brow as he began to leave the room, looking at Urianger quizzically. The elezen shrugged his shoulders. 

“I take it we missed an interesting conversation,” she mused when the hyur was beyond earshot, his charge having followed close behind.

“Quite interesting,” I said in response, turning my attention back to the Warrior of Light. “The long and short of it being that we’ve come to an understanding for her sake.”

“That’s… surprising. If anyone would linger in his ways, I assumed it to be Thancred.”

“I disagree,” Urianger murmured. “Thancred may be stubborn, but there are few more loyal among us than he.”

Y’shtola hummed, nodding her head slowly before turning her attention to the hero. “The Light is well controlled now, I see,” she remarked. “I was afraid it may have been too late.”

“Had you waited another second to intervene, it would have been,” I said, my grip on the hero's hand tightening slightly. “I… am unsure what I would have done.”

“Based on my perusal of the vast knowledge housed in the libraries of the Crystarium, there is nothing that can be done once a soul is claimed by the Light,” Urianger stated, with no shortage of concern in his tone. “She would, perhaps, hold onto her mind for some time, but…”

“Once the Light overwhelms her, once it permeates through every crevice of her being, her soul will shatter, and with it, her attachments to you and anyone else she holds dear,” I said, finishing his statement. He nodded his head. “I can keep it stable to the best of my abilities, even through to the end of your task here upon this shard. However, if she pushes the boundaries of her existence as she intends...”

Y’shtola tilted her head with curiosity. “Is she planning something?” she asked, carefully examining her friend. “Is there something-”

I sighed, snapping the fingers of my free hand, the book she procured from the Crystarium appearing atop the quilt of the bed. 

“You will find all the information for her plans within,” I said, speaking softly. “I am unsure if she still intends to follow through; she and I had a... _heated_ discussion at length on the topic.”

Urianger gently lifted the book, flipping to the pages that I had flagged. Y’shtola peered over the edge, her eyes widening when she realized I had enchanted the pages for her to read it as well. Her gaze began to roam the pages quickly, both of their brows furrowing at what they read.

“An… untempering?” she breathed. “Of whom?” 

“I am not in agreement with taking such risks, nor do I wish for the supposed _freedom_ written within those pages,” I offered in response, and the miqo’te looked at me with widened eyes. “But she is… stubborn and caring and-”

“She means to try to break your ties to _Zodiark_?”

I exhaled sharply with a stiff nod. “Again, I insist that I am not interested. Lord Zodiark saved the star from certain destruction, and though I was unaware that a tempering would occur, I see it a fitting price for all that He has done for-”

“Well, of course you would,” she interjected. “Such is the nature of a tempering.”

I narrowed my eyes slightly before shrugging a shoulder. “Perhaps.”

“It would not bode well for you to defy Him by accepting an offer to be freed,” she continued, “ _Especially_ if the retribution is as visceral as what we witnessed at The Ladder. Do not think we did not notice. Ryne is extraordinarily observant.”

Urianger continued flipping through the pages, skimming the words before he looked up quickly. “Her soul would perish simply by attempting?”

“Surely she is aware, having read the book herself?” Y'shtola asked, bringing a hand to her chin. 

“Do you truly believe it made a difference?” 

The miqo’te sighed. “No. As you said, stubborn and caring. She will do anything she can to see that the ones she cares for are unburdened, or in your case, untempered.”

“And thy notes in the margins,” Urianger started, his eyes roaming the edges of the pages as he thumbed through the book quickly. “Some of it seems to contradict the original text.”

“Additional research of my own that I had not included,” I replied with a nod. “I give you the tome with the entirety of my understanding on the topic to ask for your aid in making sure she does not attempt such a foolish thing. After everything I have done to preserve her, to have her throw it away for me...”

“I understand,” Urianger said when I trailed off. “We shall keep vigilant watch of her actions.”

Beside him, Y’shtola nodded. “If she seems to be preparing for such a process, I give you my word that I will do what I must to stop her.”

Sometime later, as the bustling activity Eulmore began to come to a slow halt, the building silence in the room grew to be unsettling. I stared at the hero’s soul, honed in on it, examining every single crack as I held it secure with my own. I scrutinized every flicker of Light within her, the way the Light continued to churn against her, the burn in my own chest testament to the protection I appeared to be providing her.

The chronometer clicks seemed to slow, each minute feeling like an hour. With a sigh, I leaned forward, holding her hand between my own and raising it to place a soft kiss upon her knuckles. 

And the more time passed, the more I realized that this _was_ , in fact, impeding the damage from progressing. That this was perhaps the only viable way I would be able to discover in the limited time left to keep her whole. But in the back of my mind, nagging and insistent, raged question after question, my every doubt ringing loudly through the silence of the room. 

When would she awaken? Had I been too late? Would she even awaken at all? If she did, if she was well and ready for her next and possibly final step… would this haphazard attempt at preserving her even be sufficient? Or had I merely forestalled the inevitable?

One by one, the Scions peered into the room to inquire before bed, to check on the status of their normally resilient companion. And one by one, they reassured me that she would be fine, that she had come back from worse. Surely such unwavering faith in her was not unfounded?

I hung my head, pressing our joined hands against my forehead as I listened to her steady breathing. And for the first time in thousands of years, I found myself unsure who to appeal to for aid. 

Zodiark, the one true god, to ask for His mercy to bring her back? 

Or Hydaelyn... to protect Her champion in ways I could not. To intervene as She always had, to use the Blessing and return her to me.

And then, slowly, steadily, I could feel her fingers tighten around mine. Her mind roused, her soul pulsing against mine. I quickly looked up, my eyes widening as she groaned softly. Her lids fluttered open, her eyes adjusting to the dim lighting of the room. And when she looked at me, I could feel the tension in my body melt away.

She smiled sleepily, raising her other hand to rub at her eyes. “What time is it?” she asked, her voice hoarse and weak. 

“Late into the night, my beloved hero,” I replied softly, placing a hand upon her forehead to brush her hair back. “You can still rest more if you need it.”

She hummed, pulling our joined hands together toward her to hold them against her chest, and turning on her side to face me. 

“Are you okay?” she asked, searching my face carefully. I chuckled quietly at the absurdity of her concern but nodded slowly. 

“Much better now that I know my attempt worked,” I whispered, leaning in to press my lips to her forehead. “Do you need anything? Water? Something to eat?”

She shook her head slightly. “I’m just a little cold,” she admitted with a yawn. “Could... you hold me while I sleep more?”

I nodded my head, gently coaxing her to release my hand as I stood. I shrugged out of my overcoat, leaving only my tunic and trousers before I turned to sit on the edge of the bed. Draping the heavy leather over the back of the chair, I bent down to remove my boots. 

I was placing them aside when I felt her fingers grip the back of my tunic. She tugged at it gently, and I looked over my shoulder to see her struggling to keep her heavy lids open. The corners of my lips pulled upward as I climbed into the bed behind her, wrapping my arm around her midriff.

She shifted slightly, running her fingers along my arm before she gripped the fabric of the tunic with a soft whine. I chuckled softly, finally understanding her unspoken request. With a sigh, the article of clothing disappeared from my body, and I pulled her flush against my bare chest. 

“Better?” I breathed into her ear, tracing it with the tip of my nose. I tilted my head to look at the profile of her face, the dim lighting from the dwindling candles allowing me to see the soft smile that spread across her lips.

She hummed her affirmation, settling closer to me, her hand gripping my bare forearm. 

“And what if I get cold?” I asked, placing a soft kiss to the shell of her ear.

“You never do,” she mumbled in response, cracking an eye open to look at me. “Besides, we have a quilt.”

When I searched the side of her face without further response, she turned her head toward me, her brow furrowing with concern at whatever she saw in my expression.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just… relieved,” I offered in explanation with a shake of my head. “I didn’t doubt that you would awaken until Thancred came and posed the possibility that you may not.”

The furrow of her brow deepened, her sleepiness fading nearly instantaneously. She flipped over to face me completely in one swift motion, the action making the Light roil in her chest. “Thancred? He came here?”

I hummed with a nod, placing my head on the pillow, raising my hand to cradle the side of her face, running my thumb against her cheekbone. “We’ve come to an understanding,” I said. “Apologies were made.”

She pursed her lips, her eyes flicking to the bruise that undoubtedly began to form on my face, the traces of the cut that lingered on my lip despite Ryne’s best efforts. “ _Thancred_ apologized to _you?_ ”

“Not exactly, but there was an attempt,” I replied with mirth and she quirked a brow. “Suffice it to say he will not be giving us trouble about the nature of our relationship any longer.”

I could see the incredulity dance in her eyes for a moment, but it faded as she searched my expression. She hummed, pressing her lips in a tight line before turning over and settling against me again. 

We fell into a comfortable silence then, her nails gently brushing against the length of my arm. 

“You feel tired,” she finally said, barely above a whisper.

“I am,” I replied, nuzzling my nose into her hair. “It was a taxing endeavor.”

She nodded slightly. “It’s so strange that I can… feel that. Your sleepiness.”

“In a time before time, my dear hero, this was a normal part of an intimate relationship. Though the distance restriction was not… as stringent.” 

“So…” She started with a yawn as I tightened my arm around her, her mind starting to drift. “I could feel what you felt from the apartment… even while you were at the office?”

I nodded my head, pressing my lips to her shoulder. “However, it was common not to maintain such a connection outside of the privacy of one’s home. Simply out of respect for those with the Sight, who would essentially know more than appropriate about the couple merely with a passing glance.”

She hummed, the sound soft as she twined her fingers with mine.

“We should sleep now, my love,” I suggested quietly when she yawned again. “We both need rest.”

But before I had even finished speaking, her breathing had already evened out as she slipped back into a deep slumber.


	31. Warrior of Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (sexual content ahead)

When my eyes opened again, Ardbert was sitting next to me on the edge of my bed, staring out the open window. He turned his head slightly to acknowledge me, though we remained silent for a long while, watching the rays of Light filter in and out of the room. 

Eventually, he twisted around to face me, though his eyes landed just over my shoulder before flicking to me. As if in response, Emet-Selch’s arm tightened around my waist, holding me firmly to him. I could feel his soul mingling with mine and I blew out a slow breath, wondering how I had missed it before, his soul protecting mine as it did. Had I truly just not been paying attention? Had I wanted so badly to believe that I was  _ finally _ strong enough to handle the weight of this task on my own?

“Here to scold me are you?” I asked finally, voice low as to not wake him. Ardbert breathed a laugh, shaking his head. 

“No,” he replied, simply and turned back towards the window.

“Then…” He lifted one hand to rub his chest. 

“It...hurt. I’m not sure how that was even possible.” My brow furrowed. “And the sky...flickered with that strange Light. I  _ knew _ it had to be you, and so here I am.”

“How...how long have you been-?” He hummed.

“The whole time.”

“I didn’t see you.”

“To be fair, Warrior of Light, you were unconscious for most of it. And for the few moments you were awake, you only had eyes for  _ one _ person.” I pursed my lips together but didn’t respond. I began sitting up, gently moving the Ascian’s hand off of my waist. I felt him shift, turning over on to his other side. 

When he noticed what I was doing, Ardbert quickly stood and leaned over with arms outstretched in an attempt to help me. I shook my head, raising a hand to stop him.

“No, I’m-” A moment later, though, the realization hit me that he would be unable to touch me regardless. We both froze for a moment, staring at each other in silence as he came to the same conclusion. He averted his eyes from mine and straightened, lifting on hand to his mouth as he cleared his throat. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked me.

“Alright, I guess,” I answered. “Do you know what happened?” He sighed and shook his head, setting himself back onto the edge of the mattress.

“No. I...did not come until whatever happened had already occurred. But…” He glanced over my shoulder again, eyes landing on Emet-Selch, still fast asleep. “It seems my initial impression of him was wrong. Do you remember our last conversation?” I tilted my head to the side, peering at the Ascian for a moment, and hummed my affirmation.

“You were questioning his motives,” I said, turning back to the hero of the First. “Whether or not he was genuine.” 

Ardbert’s eyes slid to me again, locking his gaze with mine. 

“Beyond the shadow of a doubt…,” he began, reciting words from one of our first interactions. It felt as if they had been uttered an eternity ago. So much had changed in the last weeks, and so quickly, too. “I saw his face when you collapsed.” He swallowed hard, loud. “I do not think  _ anyone _ could have made such an expression if it was merely an act.”

I felt tears rise to my eyes as I absorbed his words. I  _ knew _ already, of course. I had  _ no _ doubts. But confirmation from someone who had also been so closely intertwined with the Ascians…

“He stayed by your side for hours,” he continued. “Refused to leave. Held your hand, even when your friends were not here. Didn’t relax for a single moment until you woke up.” He turned back to the window, breaking eye contact with me. He folded his arms behind his back as he watched the sky once more. “He worries for you, that much is true. That much is  _ real _ . Whatever his plan, whatever his scheme... you needn’t… fear, I think.”

I exhaled unsteadily and nodded, though he could not see it. 

“Thank you,” I breathed, then sniffled, trying to hold back my tears. “You have...no idea how-”

“Who are you talking to, hero?” Emet-Selch mumbled suddenly from next me, his voice still gruff from sleep. I jumped at the sound of his voice, nearly forgetting he was still in bed with me. My eyes, now dry, widened as I looked at Ardbert, who breathed a laugh and inclined his head. The next moment, he was gone.

“I…,” I started, but heaved a sigh, looking down at my lap. “You’ll think I’ve gone insane.” The Ascian sat up with a groan and stretched his arms out. 

“If someone in this room were to be insane, it would not be you,” he insisted, lowering his arms and leaning back on them. “I have seen many things in my life, Warrior. Tell me and perhaps I can provide some insight.” I lifted a finger to my lips, watching him from the corner of my eye. 

“The...Warrior of Light,” I said, finally. “From this shard. Or...his ghost, I suppose.”

Emet-Selch raised a brow as I huffed a laugh.

“I...met him before. Elidibus brought him to the Source under the guise of saving his shard.” He hummed, nodding his head in understanding. 

“But in reality, it was a manipulation to further the stakes for the Rejoining.”

“Mm. At first, I thought maybe...he was just a figment of my imagination.” He sat up straight again, his hands finding my waist and tugging me back against him. I breathed a sigh, letting myself get caught up in the feeling of our souls pulsating together. 

“And now?” he asked, his voice no higher than a whisper.

“He knew things I couldn’t possibly have known. And...” I leaned back against his chest, laying my head back on his collarbone. “In Amh Araeng, when I went to the Flood with Ryne, I had an Echo.” He dipped his head down, running his lips and the tip of his nose up my neck and across my cheekbone. “Minfillia had...told him that he would need to stay behind. That...his journey was not over yet. It’s...just odd, I guess.” 

“Maybe,” the Ascian conceded with a hum, his voice muffled against my skin as he pressed a single kiss to my temple. He shrugged one shoulder. “But maybe not.” I perked up a bit, an idea popping into my head.

“You...Do you think he could be…?”

“It’s hard to say,” he admitted. “He has been with you all this time?” I raised a finger to my lips as I thought back.

“He usually only makes himself known when I’m alone, but he said he had been here the whole night.”

“Here? In this room?” I nodded, lowering my hand, laying it on top of his arm as he let his head rest back against the headboard.

“If it is what you expect him to be, it  _ would _ be odd that I did not perceive him,” he mused, thoughtfully. My face fell with his words and I looked down towards my lap. 

“So you... _ do _ think he’s just a figment of-”

“Ah,” he interjected. “I did not say that, hero. There are many possibilities. It  _ could _ very well be a trick of your mind but, while my Sight is...more sensitive to most, it is admittedly  _ not _ the absolute best.”

“Our...friend?” I guessed with a furrowed brow, the recollection trickling in from the time spent in the apartment. “The one you wrote the book with.”

“Mm,” he confirmed, tilting his head to the side. “Perhaps I could…”

When he trailed off, I tilted my head to peer up at him. “Hm?”

With a breath of a laugh, he shook his head.

“Nothing,” he replied. “Just thinking aloud.”

He didn’t elaborate and I frowned. Would he tell me if I asked?

“Why don’t you tell me about him?” He inquired before I could. “This fallen hero of the First?”    
I sighed through my nose, debating whether or not I was ready to delve deeper into his meaning. But, my mind was still quite exhausted and therefore, I decided to drop it for the time being and did as he asked, relaying the tale of how Ardbert and I came to meet in more detail. 

A short while later, I was sitting forward between the Ascian’s legs, knees hugged to my chest and my chin resting upon them as he ran his fingers lightly over the skin of my back. 

“So...what happened yesterday?” I asked once I had finished my story. He paused his movements, dipping his head down between us and heaving a heavy sigh.

“In order for you to understand, sweet hero, I must explain to you  _ why _ you suddenly seem so...well.”

“I…” I exhaled slowly. “I know already. Your soul, right? You’ve been...protecting me.” He was quiet for a long moment. 

“Y’shtola,” he concluded. A smile crept onto my lips as I nodded as I sat back against his chest once more.

“And Ryne.”

“Ah, yes. Quite knowledgeable for one so young, though it sometimes borders on  _ irksome _ .” A laugh escaped me at the tone of his voice.

“Which is why you’ve never been more than a few fulms away. Because we have to be close.” He hummed.

“As I told you before, normally, the bond could very well stretch the length of a room. When two Unsundered souls share such a link, the range is nearly limitless. But you…,” he continued, his words serious again, nearly sorrowful. The air between us seemed to change as he paused once more, seemingly trying to collect himself. “When Thancred pushed me away, having no reinforcement from your end, the connection could not withstand such strain. My soul snapped back into my body much too quickly, but not before contributing to the damage that ultimately overwhelmed your own with the Light.”

The slight waver in his voice was not lost on me as he remembered the day before. 

“It cracked so quickly,” he said, his own voice nearly breaking. He swallowed. “It began disintegrating before my very eyes and I...I wasn’t sure if I would be able to fix the damage, let alone  _ stop _ it. Even now, it’s...” He sighed again, burying his face in the crook of my neck. I pressed my temple against his head, laying my hands overtop of his.

“This is...all my fault,” he said quietly. “The Darkness...I thought it was  _ helping _ you, but in the end… I’m sorry.” My breath caught in my throat and I shook my head.

“You don’t need to be,” I insisted, twining my fingers between his. 

“I promise you, hero,” he continued. “I’ll make this right.”

_ No, _ I thought, my fear spiking as I thought back to the conversation I’d had with the miqo’te and the Oracle. He couldn’t think, couldn’t speak such things lest he waver-

I couldn’t fathom what would happen to him should he go against his tempering.

“I’ll do what I need to make this-”

Before he could continue, I spun around so that I was on my knees, facing him. He sucked in a sharp breath of surprise as I moved. I gripped his face between my hands, forcing his gaze to lock with mine. 

“Thank you,” I whispered quickly as I searched his eyes, water pricking the corners of mine once more at what I found. I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead to his. He breathed an unsteady breath against my mouth as his hands rested against the sides of my neck. “You don’t…I can’t…”

How? How did I show him how grateful I was? Words...didn’t seem like enough. I sighed.

“Thank you,” I repeated, anyway. One of his hands slid up, his fingers threading within the strands of my hair as he raised his chin, pressing his lips to mine with desperation. I reciprocated, my arms wrapping around his neck as I pulled him to my chest. 

When we parted, his hand brushed through my hair before wrapping his arms around me, sweeping me up in his tight embrace. 

And in that moment, my emotions took hold of me.

I didn’t know how I would  _ ever _ repay him for the things that he had done for me. The kindness he had shown me, the tenderness he treated me with, no matter how fragmented and broken I was to him.

“I-,” I began, but hesitated. I had realized it weeks ago when I discovered the book, but never uttered the word in fear that he would pull away from me again. Even now...

“What is it?” he pressed. I inhaled a deep breath to steel myself.

“I...love you,” I replied. He stilled in my arms and silence stretched between us. After a moment, I sighed, releasing the breath I had been holding in anticipation. 

He didn’t...feel the same way. 

With an understanding nod, I began pulling away from him, trying to mask the crushing sadness that settled into my heart. I swallowed my tears. 

Of course he didn’t. How could he? In his eyes, I was nothing more than a malformed creature that just _happened_ to share the same soul with someone he _used_ to love. He may care for me simply for that reason, but he would _never_ love _me._ _Could_ never. I wasn’t who I once was and I would _never_ be good enough as I was now, no matter how hard I tried.

All of this...was to merely preserve the soul I carried, right?

“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I turned from him, trying to keep the despair from my voice. Slip the mask of smug bravery back on and continue with what was left of my short life. “That was...stupid. I’m not...I shouldn’t have-”

His hand caught my wrist and tugged roughly. I sucked in a sharp breath of surprise as I was spun back to face him and crushed against his body. I examined his eyes, lined with red, his gaze intense and almost angry. 

Was he mad that I-?

“Don’t you... _ ever _ think that,” he bit out, his voice low and feral. My lips parted as his eyes softened. 

Suddenly, I could feel his soul press against much with such force, such insistence, that if I had been standing, my knees would have given out immediately. A whimper escaped from my mouth as I grabbed on to him for support, nails digging into his skin as he held me up.

“It’s not stupid, my love,” he breathed, hugging me to his chest. 

I felt a new surge of emotions course through me, water rising to my eyes once more at how much they affected me.

Anger at how little I thought of myself.

Sadness at the state of my soul, at the events that had led us here.

Guilt over what he had done, even though I knew it wasn’t his fault.

Happiness that I felt the things I did for him.

_ His _ feelings, I realized, recalling the conversation we’d had the night before. One I had nearly forgotten until now.

My chin trembled and I buried my face into the crook of his neck as a sob slipped from my mouth.

“I love you,” I reiterated, voice muffled by his skin, words unsteady as tears began falling from my eyes. A few moments later, he breathed a laugh and I lifted my head to look up at him, his own eyes glassy as they filled with water. He placed his hand on my cheek, smiling softly down to me.

“How long...I have searched for you,” he began, quietly. I closed my eyes and leaned into his hand, breathing a wavering sigh of relief as I placed my hand over his. “And to hear you utter those words once more…” He removed his hand from my face and gently wrapped his fingers around mine, guiding them to his chest and laying my palm over his heart, the beat fast and hard. I opened my eyes, watching as he covered my hand with his. “Surely you can feel it.”

Another tear slid down my cheek as I nodded. 

“Strongly.” The same hand went under my chin, prompting me to meet his gaze again. 

“Even now...Thousands upon thousands of years have I waited,” he continued, leaning down to my level. “And not once did it wane.”

“But...how?” I nearly whined, trying to keep my voice from breaking. “When I’m not-”

Swiftly, he pressed his lips to mine, silencing my argument.

“It doesn’t matter,” he insisted when he’d pulled away. My hand balled into a fist, still laying over his heart, as more tears welled within my eyes and spilled over. He took my face between his palms, swiping my tears away with his thumbs. “Now, kiss me, hero.”

I needed no further encouragement. I lifted myself to him, crushing my mouth to his. My arms hooked under his as he released my face, one hand going to the small of my back and slowly easing me down onto the mattress. 

When I was lying flat, he broke away, trailing reverent kisses down the column of my throat and to the dip between my collarbones. A fire sparked between my legs as he paused, his lips pressed firmly to the skin, relishing the pounding of my heart against them. His fingers brushed against my midsection, feeling for the hem of my undershirt before sitting up slightly and slipping it over my head in one, easy motion. 

He took me in, gaze sweeping over my navel and the curve of my breasts before landing on my lips and sliding back up to meet my eyes. 

“Magnificent,” he breathed, adoration in his voice as if he had never seen  _ me _ before. My face flushed, the heat in my core only burning hotter as he bore down over me again, dragging his tongue and teeth from just under my ear down. A soft whimper slipped through my lips, back arching when he bit down on the skin in the crook of my neck. A chill ran up my spine, bumps rising along my arms.

I raised my hands as he continued downward, gripping the pillow above my head. 

When he reached my breasts, he took one of them into his mouth, tongue flicking against the peak, pulling a strangled moan from me as his fingers began deftly opening the buttons on my pants and inching them down. I lifted my hips to aid him, wriggling to move them along faster. 

When he had slid them off my legs, he returned to my mouth as my hands found his belt and began unbuckling it, purposefully brushing my fingers against the growing arousal that strained against the material of his trousers. A low growl rumbled through his chest when he realized what I was doing.

“Tease,” he muttered against my lips, though I felt a jolt of excitement deep within me. I huffed a laugh through my nose, roughly tugging the waistband down to his knees, exposing him entirely. He kicked them the rest of the way off.

“You like it,” I shot back at as I felt one of his hands slip between my legs. “I can te-” One of his fingers pressed against the small bundle of nerves he found and I cried out. He raised a brow and chuckled, his hand dipping further to my opening, fingers swirling in the wetness that had pooled there. 

“Something tells me, my dear Warrior,” he began, pulling his face from mine. “That you are enjoying yourself quite a bit as well.” I feigned confusion.

“Where did you ever get an idea like that?” One side of his mouth tugged upward in amusement as he inserted a finger inside of me. He hummed as I arched again, the look in his eyes hungry. 

“I wonder,” he mused before lowering himself down to me again. I grinned, meeting his eyes once more and lifted my head to meet him, opening my mouth so that he would twine his tongue with mine. 

He began moving his finger inside of me at an agonizingly slow pace, extracting it to the tip before entering me again, curling it up so that it hit the correct spot. He added a second finger, though he refused to speed up. 

With a quiet whine against his mouth, I bucked my hips, urging him to move faster. He pulled away from my lips again, clicking his tongue as he shook his head.

“So impatient,” he chided, removing his hand entirely from between my legs. I pouted my lips and he heaved a histrionic sigh. “Some things never change.” 

Finally, he nudged my legs apart and set himself between them. 

“Very well, hero,” he said, leaning over me, placing his elbows on either side of my head on the mattress. “I shall give in, just this once.” A coy smile spread across my lips and I raised my hips to help line him up.

He entered me gradually, relishing every moment, every ilm, as my warmth enveloped him. A unified groan escaped both of us as he fully seated himself inside of me, his hands balling in the sheet by my head. 

I wrapped my legs around his waist, hooking them together to force him deeper, the way he seemed to like it most. He cursed under his breath as he exhaled unsteadily. 

Finally, he began to start undulating his hips into mine, slow and drawn out at first so we could feel  _ everything _ \- our souls mingling together, the connection between us stronger than it had ever been, our emotions twining together in our pleasure. It felt as if even my aether responded to his movements. 

I relaxed my hands from around the pillow and slid them under his, threading my fingers between his. He closed his hands around mine and peered down at me, the gold of his eyes piercing and striking all at once, a myriad of thoughts and feelings running through them. 

He examined my face for a long moment before leaning down further, running his nose down the length of my cheek and along my jaw, pressing short, soft kisses to the skin. 

I removed my hands from his and wrapped my arms around his back. His pace began to pick up as I pulled him down further, closing the small distance between us, wanting to feel his body flush against me. 

My breathing turned heavy, my nails digging into his back as he hit the spot deep within me with each thrust. I could feel my body begin to quiver and tighten around him as he brought me  _ so close _ to the brink.

“Say it again,” he ordered as he slammed into me quickly, holding nothing back. My arms tightened around him.

“I love-” I cried out, throwing my head back, so very close to my end. “I  _ love you _ ,” I said, the words causing him to throb inside of me. 

“Again,” he grunted. 

“ _ I love you _ ,” I panted between moans. I watched as his arms went weak and slid under me, gathering me up and pressing his chest fully against mine. He caught my lips once more. I gripped the sides of his face with my hands.

“I love you,” I breathed against him. Immediately, I felt him release inside of me with a muffled groan. I pulled my mouth away, pressing my forehead against his as I allowed myself to get swept up in the torrent of feelings between us, letting everything go and throwing myself right over the edge with him.

When we had both finished riding out the waves of our climax, he pressed a long kiss to my temple before rolling over onto his back, his chest heaving as he sucked in each breath. He opened his arm to me and I curled into my usual spot next to him. I splayed my hand over his stomach as his arm wound around me. 

“Are you hungry?” he asked after we’d calmed. I hummed, gently sliding my nails along his torso. His stomach contracted a small amount when my fingers brushed over it and he breathed a laugh. I grinned as he took my hand in his free one, twining our fingers together. “Shall we go to breakfast?”

“No,” I said with a pout. “I don’t want to move.” He chuckled. 

“Then…” 

I felt his aether move around him for a moment, and a sudden weight in the mattress by our feet. I slid my fingers from his and sat up on my elbow, peering down at the end of the bed to find several dishes lying there. I raised a brow, looking back to him. 

“Not to your liking, my hero?” He snapped his fingers and I rolled my eyes. 

Dramatic as ever.

I heard dishware land on the wooden table across the room and when I slid my gaze to it, the surface was  _ covered _ in food. I shook my head, tilting my face back to him again. He shrugged, though I caught a glimpse of an amused smile forming. 

“I didn’t know what you wanted,” he replied to my unasked question. “I-” He paused, gaze sliding over his shoulder. With a sigh, he turned back to me. “Ryne is on her way. To check up on us, no doubt.” With a groan, I threw my head back and dropped back onto the mattress, covering my eyes with one arm. He huffed a laugh, leaning down to press his lips to my forehead. “It was bound to happen at some point, my love,” he continued. “We likely have Y’shtola to thank for the short reprieve we  _ were _ able to have.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I muttered. With a heavy sigh, I dropped my arm and began rolling out of bed to get dressed. 

The next few days passed by much quicker than I wanted. 

To Emet-Selch’s considerable surprise,  _ I _ suggested that we rest before going to Mt. Gulg and confronting Vauthry for the last time. Even though my motives were entirely selfish, he agreed readily, along with my friends. 

But in truth, I was frightened. I had him now, in my arms.  _ Exactly _ where I wanted to be. And I...didn’t want to lose that so soon after  _ finally _ attaining it. The thought made my stomach twist and the Light thrash.

The uncertainty built within me, too. What would happen upon absorption? Even the Ascian seemed to have no answer. Even though he promised to protect my soul so that I would suffer minimal damage…

The Light would still be a tempestuous force within me.

Surely, he could not protect me forever. Surely, he would sustain irreparable damage himself.

He made it  _ clear _ weeks ago that I was not to attempt the untempering I wished. To expend the Light. To...to  _ save him _ as he had saved me... 

But...it could  _ not _ stay within me forever. And he had offered no solution to the problem. Not yet.

I knew he had picked up on the torrent of doubt and fear my mind had become. I imagined it was hard not to, given our constant close proximities as he coated my soul with his, holding it together, holding it stable.

I was also worried about the state of  _ his _ soul. I was sure the Light lashed against it as it had done to mine. I barely felt more than a slight discomfort, but what was  _ he _ feeling? Was it painful for him, as it had been for me?

Just the memory of that day made me want to rub my chest. I had felt pain before. I had been close to death before. But my soul ripping itself apart...was in a league of its own.

I knew that he was... _ whole _ . I knew that he wasn’t the same as me but...what kind of permanent damage would he sustain?

In the deep, dark night, I worried. For me. For him. For... _ us _ .

Thankfully, he didn’t push, only held me tighter when my mind began to wander again. To pull me back to him, to focus on  _ him _ .

But, after nearly a week, time began to slow down as I struggled to find ways to keep myself occupied while  _ resting _ and I realized that we would have to face the end soon.

I drew it out as long as I could. I had promised him time. But I could feel myself begin to become stir crazy. My body ached to  _ move _ again as it used to, insistent and all-consuming. To train, to duel... to fight. 

And despite the pull in my chest that wanted me to continue on, I lamented what it could mean for my future.

One afternoon, I sat in the plush chair he had conjured next to the window for me, with a book open in my lap, though I found it hard to focus on the words and opted to watch the rays of Light pass by instead. 

“Alright,” the Ascian sighed from the dining table across the room. I heard the wooden legs of his seat scrape on the floor as he stood. I dropped my head back onto the arm of the chair to peer over at him as he abandoned his own reading, his attention honed in on me. He crossed his arms over his chest. “I can’t sit by and watch you mope for a moment longer, Warrior of Light.” I raised a brow at the tone of his voice. “Come here.”

I pursed my lips together as he motioned to the floor in front of him.

“I am  _ not  _ moping.”

“You are,” he shot at me, though his voice softened a moment later. “I know what it is you’re worried about and you needn’t be.” His hands dropped to his sides and he took a few steps towards me, sitting on the edge of the cushion. “We  _ will _ figure it out and until then...” I sighed through my nose as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.

“You  _ need _ to leave this room, hero,” he said, plucking the book from my lap. He closed it and set it on the windowsill.

“I…” I sighed again. “I know. I just…” He placed his hand on my cheek. I raised my eyes to him once more and he nodded, knowingly.

“I know, my love,” he breathed, softly. “It’ll all be alright in the end. There is no need to worry as you do.” He dropped his hand from my face and went to stand again. “Now, come. Let me help you.” I stared down at the palm of his gloved hand as he held it out for me to take. I hummed my displeasure, pressing my lips together in a thin line. 

“Fine,” I relented, sliding my fingers into his. 

He hauled me to my feet and tugged me out to the middle of the room. When he released my hand, I furrowed my brow in confusion as he removed his coat and gloves. With a wave of his hand, a stretching mat appeared on the floor.

“Lie down,” he ordered. “On your back.”

“I thought we were...leaving the room,” I said slowly, crossing my arms over my chest.

“We are,” I told me. “But first, this.”

“We’re...going to stretch?”

“No,” he said, stepping up behind me. “ _ You’re _ going to stretch, and  _ I’m _ going to help you.” 

“I don’t-” When I continued standing, he clicked his tongue and dipped down, sweeping me off the floor and into his arms, then lowered me to the ground. “I  _ know _ how to stretch myself,” I insisted.

“Just hush, Warrior.” I pouted my lips but let him position my arms. When he had them where he wanted them, he moved towards my legs. He patted the knee of my left leg. “Keep this one flat on the ground.” I acquiesced with a nod and he lifted my other leg until it was perpendicular to the rest of my body. 

“What does this-” He continued moving it back, stretching the muscle in the back of my thigh and I sucked in a sharp breath. 

“And out,” he instructed. I exhaled the breath at his insistence. 

“What does this do?” He placed one hand on the back of my heel, the other on the front of my thigh to hold my leg steady.

“It helps to loosen your muscles,” he explained. “Your tension is obvious in your stance.” He released my leg and moved on to the other one, repeating the same motion. “And it helps to relieve stress.” I narrowed my eyes at him and he grinned. “Lastly, it helps with your range of motion. Prolonged assisted stretching helps you become more flexible. In Garlemald, we used the technique often.” I hummed.

I let him work my body for a long while. When the chronometer on the wall chimed, indicating that it was noon, he had me turn over on my stomach. He straddled my backside and went to work, kneading his fingers over the muscles in my shoulders.

“That feels good,” I sighed, closing my eyes. He chuckled. 

“And the rest didn’t?”

“I guess,” I huffed. “I  _ do _ feel looser.” I was certain, if I could see his face, I would have caught him rolling his eyes at my stubbornness. The thought made me smile. 

When he was finished, he moved off of me and I rolled back over onto my back. He watched me carefully, eyes scrutinizing every ilm of my body for places he might have missed before locking his gaze with me. One side of my mouth tugged upward and I reached up to him. He leaned down to meet me, pressing his forehead to mine as I placed my hand on his cheek.

“I feel a lot better,” I said quietly, closing my eyes. “Thank you.”

He hummed and I tilted my chin up to catch his mouth, but he pulled back quickly. I opened my eyes, my brow furrowed as I sat up onto my elbows. He was standing now, hands on his hips as a smug grin spread across his lips. 

“We aren’t finished yet, my dearest hero.” I tilted my head, eyes narrowing. “What do you say...to a duel?”


	32. Emet-Selch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stage Three: adopting a more sophisticated mode of thought that eliminates the shortcomings of the old one.
> 
> Also, sexual content ahoy.

I watched as the Warrior of Light blinked slowly. Her brow furrowed. “You want to duel…?”

“Do you not frequently spar with your comrades?”

“A spar.” She sat up. “Against me.”

I arched a brow, watching as surprise filled her expression. “Do you believe I’m incapable? To hold my ground against the vaunted hero of the Source?”

She pursed her lips. “I…”

“Not a fan of history books, then, I take it.”

Once the initial surprise faded, her lips curled upward into a sly grin. “Why would I read about Garlemald’s history if the troops provide me with no challenge?”

“How arrogant,” I quipped, failing to contain a smile at her confidence. I reached my hand out for her to take. “The infantry, perhaps. But the legati? How many have you faced?”

She took my hand, rolling her eyes in response. 

“My understanding, Warrior of Light,” I started as I pulled her up to stand. “Is you have never faced a legatus at his best truly alone, not unscathed.”

“Zenos-”

“Toyed with you.”

She narrowed her eyes, huffing as she yanked her hand from mine. “Fine. A duel. But I won’t go easy on you.”

When we arrived in the training area previously used for Eulmore’s troops, the room was empty.

“Won’t the others wonder where we’ve gone?”

“Perhaps.” I shrugged out of my jacket, deftly removing the remaining layers and discarding them on the ground, leaving only the undermost layer. “But we’ll join them for lunch, so they likely won’t worry.”

She nodded, heading to the middle of the room as I surveyed the perimeter, spotting a rack of training swords. I extended my arm towards it, a red aetheric tendril shooting forward and wrapping around the handle of a blade. It came to meet me in the center of the room as I came to stand in front of the Warrior of Light.

“Hmph. Show off.” She crossed her arms over her chest, and I chuckled, reaching out to grab the wooden blade by its hilt. 

After a couple of experimental swings of the blade, I clicked my tongue at the restrictiveness of the tunic I still wore, snapping my fingers for it to disappear. It appeared next to the sword rack, neatly folded with the rest of my clothes. 

“So unnecessary and stifling,” I muttered, watching as she tilted her head for clarification. “The imperial regalia.”

She scoffed. “Seems like poor planning on _your_ part,” she mused. “Founder of the Empire, and didn’t think to make the clothes more appropriate for combat.”

“Regrettably, I had nothing to do with the fashion of Garlemald,” I retorted, before examining the length of the blade in my hand with a hum. “A little short, I’m afraid, but it will suffice.”

“Any rules of engagement?” she asked, adjusting her wristguards as she took several paces back from me. 

I glanced around the room. “The protection will likely hold even if you and I are on opposite sides,” I said, bringing my free hand to my chin. “But corner to corner… may be a little too far.”

With the wave of my hand, the numerous racks of weights and training swords shifted to each corner to block them off. Satisfied with the adjustment, I nodded my head, turning away from her and walking several paces away as well, feeling the connection between our souls stretch. 

She furrowed her brow at the sensation, but once it normalized, we both exhaled a slow breath. 

“For now,” I called to her, sliding one foot back and turning my body to the side, the hand holding the blade away from her as I held the other hand outstretched toward her. “Try to refrain from using aether.”

Once she nodded her understanding, I watched as she shifted her stance, her gaze roaming my own as she prepared for the spar. I turned my hand, the palm facing upward, before nodding my head. Not a second later, she propelled herself forward on the offensive.

In truth, my offer to spar with her was two-fold. Primarily, knowing she would not back down from her task, I wanted to see how combat would impact the connection between us, how stable the coating around her soul was even with the chaotic nature of battle. To train her on the limits of it, how far she could stray from me come what may.

But also… to prepare her for the battles yet to come. To strengthen her as much as I could. To aid in her future endeavors.

Despite the openings in her technique, I opted not to take advantage, instead watching her soul, observing the aether within her. I could see the Light churn within her; the longer the spar went on, the more erratic its flow became.

And with the violent turbulence, the discomfort in my chest increased. I could feel sweat forming on my brow, feel my lungs burning with each breath as the Light lashed against the protection I provided. My movements slowed ever-so-slightly, but it was all it took for the hero to land a blow.

I stumbled back a few steps before recovering, my chest heaving. Sensing an opening, she pressed onward, swinging the training blade in an arc that I blocked before pushing her back several fulms.

She paused for a moment, observing me before she launched herself toward me once more, and I shook my head, smirking as I quickly countered her next blow. She frowned, her brow furrowing as her blade was locked with mine, our faces mere ilms apart.

“What was that about going easy on me?” I taunted, watching as her eyes widened for a fraction of a second before they narrowed, her resolve palpable in the air.

Pushing back against my weapon, she propelled herself away from me. She moved to one side as I mirrored her movements, each of us watching the other carefully. I could see her mind calculating, taking in the information she had gleaned from our spar thus far. 

Her hair was damp, pressed against her skin, a bead of sweat sliding down the side of her face as she shifted her weight. Before she could make her next move, I raised my arm, an aetheric tendril shooting out from my outstretched palm to pass just next to her cheek. Her eyes widened, her jaw dropping as I vanished from her sight before she recovered.

I reappeared mere fulms behind her, grasping the new blade I had pulled from the rack in time for her to turn her body and raise her arm to deflect my downward swing.

“That would have been your arm, hero.”

She whirled on me, swinging her blade to clash with the other I still held, our swords crossed as I leaned in close to her.

“You said no aether,” she panted, anger crossing her every feature as a grin spread across my face.

“I said _you_ should refrain from using aether, my love,” I corrected, pushing harder against her force to bring my lips mere ilms from hers. “I said nothing of _my_ aether.”

“That’s _cheating_ ,” she accused, increasing her force against mine, the sound of the wood straining against her strength making my grin widen. I took slow steps backward until we were at the very edge of the room.

“Are you angry with me?” I mused, watching her jaw clench. “While you accomplish much with the brute strength you’ve been _blessed_ with, you cannot rely on it so thoroughly against an adversary with more training.”

“This had nothing to do with more _training_ ,” she bit out, the blades beginning to splinter. “You-”

Her words cut off when the blades suddenly disappeared in a puff of black smoke, her balance lost as she tipped forward. I grabbed her wrist, taking advantage of her surprise to twist her arm behind her back, turning us and standing behind her.

She struggled against my grasp, which only made me tighten my grip. I placed my other hand on her hip, holding her firmly in place. “Let me go.”

I leaned down, humming in her ear. “I think not,” I purred. She clicked her tongue and tilted her head away from me, her exhales sharp as she tried to lean her torso away, her forehead against the padded wall.

“You didn’t play fair-”

Her words stopped short when I slid my hand up from her hip along the curve of her body, her breath catching as she gave a half-hearted tug against my hold. I continued upward until I finally gripped her chin, coaxing her to stand upright.

A shiver coursed through her body, her breathing, previously labored from our duel, now unsteady as the air grew heavy. I chuckled into her ear, tracing the shell with the tip of my nose. 

“You’re easy to read,” I whispered, feeling as her resistance waned. “In truth, I could have beaten you a while ago.”

She swallowed heavily, taking a slow breath before she spoke. “So, why did you go easy on me?” 

“I have my reasons,” I murmured, turning her head toward me. “One of which to see how far I could push you, if I could incite that same spark in you I’ve seen whenever you face a challenge.”

“And were you successful?” she whispered, her eyes searching mine, a sense of anticipation filling the air between us. 

“Was I?” I asked as I took another step toward her to press myself flush against her backside.

She surged forward then, pressing her lips to mine roughly, her teeth clacking against mine. I released my hold on her arm, and she immediately turned toward me, her hands on my chest as I tightly gripped her chin. 

With one final step, her back was against the wall. She moved her lips against mine with frantic desperation, her hands dragging down my torso until they settled on my trousers. Her fingers quickly unfastened them before pushing the garment down just far enough for her to reach in. I hissed as she roughly gripped me, pulling my erection from the confines of my clothing, my hands going to either side of her head against the wall.

I pulled my lips from hers only to have her click her tongue and put her hands on either side of my face to pull me back toward her, swiping her tongue against my bottom lip. When I obliged, her hands moved, and I barely registered her fingers fumbling with her bottoms, sliding down her hips and stepping out of them. 

Our bodies moved in tandem as I reached between us to move her smallclothes to the side, sliding my fingers between her folds, taking in the wetness that had already pooled there. Her breath caught in her throat as she gripped my arousal, her other hand draped over my shoulder as she bucked her hips against my touch. 

Lifting her from the ground to allow her to wrap her legs around my waist, she wasted no time before she began positioning me at her entrance. Her soul reached for mine with insistence when I started to enter her slowly.

“Don’t go easy on me now,” she nearly growled against my mouth, her legs tightening around me to pull me in. A shudder tore through my body before I sank completely into her warmth in one rough thrust.

The sound of skin slapping against skin soon began reverberating throughout the training room as her moans increased in volume with my movements, echoing against the walls as she climbed closer and closer. 

She threw her head back, her arms wrapping around me as I rocked my hips into hers with abandon. I pressed my forehead against her shoulder, my hands gripping her backside as her desperation permeated the bond between our souls, spurring me on. 

She began to tremble, her body shaking as she quivered around me, her hands winding into my hair. She pulled her hands into fists, my title a chant slipping from her lips as her climax rushed through her. With one final thrust, I surged deep within her, a shudder tearing through the entirety of my body.

When we had both calmed, I lifted my head from her shoulder, sliding my hands down her legs to help her stand. She took a deep breath, lifting a hand to wipe the sweat off her brow before busying herself with adjusting the clothing that had been hastily pushed aside as I did the same.

When she was finished, she cleared her throat. 

“So… why did you?” she asked, and I raised my gaze to meet hers. “Draw it out as long as you did? You said you had _reasons_ but only told me one.”

“I was seeing how the Light would affect us in combat,” I responded after a sigh.

Her eyes widened slightly, her gaze lowering to the center of my chest. She reached forward, placing her hand atop my heart, no doubt feeling it pound rapidly as I still tried to catch my breath. 

“Does… it hurt?” 

I shook my head, placing my hand on hers and lowering it. “Mild discomfort.”

She pursed her lips, looking me over. “You were out of breath,” she accused. “You slowed down enough that I could land a blow.”

“Out of practice,” I replied with a nonchalant shrug. 

She hummed, crossing her arms over her chest as she continued to examine me. After a moment, she sighed, and I knew she had seen through my lie. 

“If all you wanted was to see how combat affected us, I could have sparred with Thancred. Or Ryne. Instead of pushing yourself.”

“Maybe so,” I said, my expression falling slightly. “But when you’re finished here, you surely will return to the Source and resume your efforts there. The war with Garlemald is still raging on, is it not?”

“Right, but-”

“If you continue to fight as carelessly as you have been,” I continued, cutting her off as I bent to pick up her discarded hair ribbon, looking down at the material when I stood. “You could find yourself overpowered again. As such, I want to show you what I can so that you are better prepared in my absence.”

“Oh?” She breathed a laugh, bending slightly to meet my lowered gaze, her hand atop mine. “And where exactly will you be?”

She plucked the ribbon from my palm and began straightening her hair. I took a deep breath. 

“I cannot stay by your side forever, Warrior of Light.” 

But I could do this, prepare her for what was to come after her task on the First. I would stay behind, resume the work that had been disrupted by her and her compeers, but before that…

I watched her eyes widen, her lips parting as her motions stilled, her hands still in her hair. Her heart rate accelerated, the Light churning more quickly with her racing thoughts. I breathed a laugh, nudging her shoulder with my own, quickly forcing a convincing grin when she met my gaze. I could feel her relief as it spread through her, a deep sigh escaping her as she smiled and finished fastening the ribbon.

“Come,” I said, looking away toward the chronometer on the far wall. “It’s lunchtime.”

She hummed, starting to jog toward the exit as I made my way to my clothing I had removed before our sparring session. When I was sure she could no longer see my face, I let the mask I had placed fall, my lips turning down into a frown. With a sigh, I bent to lift my tunic, slowly passing my arms through the sleeves. 

Knowing that she felt as she did, knowing that I had found her again after all this time… How I wished I could actually stay with her until the end of time, despite the impossibility of it. Sundered as she was, she would age, and upon her death, she would forget. Forget me, forget Amaurot.

“Are you _actually_ manually dressing?” she asked from the doorway, and I looked over my shoulder at her. She raised a hand, snapping her fingers dramatically. “Too many layers. Come on. I’m hungry.”

With a shake of my head, I chuckled and snapped my fingers, the remainder of my garb appearing on my body. A bright smile spread across her lips, and once I began heading toward her, she turned to continue to the dining area.

When we arrived in the dining hall, the Scions were in a seemingly animated discussion that faltered when the Warrior pushed the door open. Once we had taken our seats, Y’shtola cleared her throat.

“Did we interrupt something?” the hero asked, looking at her friends in turn.

“We were trying to figure out our next step,” the miqo’te responded. “It seems… we have differing opinions on how to proceed.”

“With the Ladder being fully operational and the Warrior of Light recovered, it seems logical that the next step would simply be to begin our journey toward Mt. Gulg as soon as possible,” Alphinaud stated, and his sister clicked her tongue.

“Logical to _you_ maybe, but we don’t exactly know what we’ll be up against. Especially given how much time he’s had to bolster his defenses,” she muttered. 

“Ryne has already said that she does not seem to discern significant sources of Light aside from the Warden. Sin eaters, of course, but nothing we can’t handle.”

“There is no _we_ , Alphinaud. _We_ may be there to ‘help,’ but in the end, it’s up to her, isn’t it?”

The Warrior of Light shifted uncomfortably in her seat, frozen as she reached to place some fruit upon her plate. She took a deep breath.

“Right… Um,” she started, furrowing her brow and sitting back, looking down at her plate. She folded her hands in her lap, clenching them tightly together. “I think... I need more time.”

I watched as her friends exchanged glances with one another.

“For what, exactly?” Thancred asked, without any of the usual aggression in his tone. Her posture filled with palpable anxiety, and I placed one hand atop hers, brushing my thumb across her knuckles. When she looked up, I gave her a small nod.

“Emet-Selch and I… he wanted to-” 

“ _I_ am the one who needs time,” I interjected, their gazes redirected at me. “To adjust.”

Ryne nodded her head thoughtfully. “Is that why you were in the training room?”

“Yes,” I confirmed. “I suspected this connection between us would cause some discomfort simply by the nature of it, but I was yet unsure if combat would exacerbate it.”

“I assume, then, that it does,” Urianger posited, bringing his hand to his chin. 

I nodded my head. “It seems to, and we have not yet tried having her use aether. If my suspicions are correct, it will only get worse. As such, to avoid being a hindrance in your confrontation with Vauthry, I require more time. To essentially… desensitize myself.”

The young Oracle looked down at her plate as those around her voiced their understanding. When she looked up, she took a steadying breath.

“But... won’t this training you’re doing just add to the damage to your soul?” she asked, her eyes full of a knowing sadness.

“There will be no damage to my soul,” I replied, shrugging a shoulder. “It’s uncomfortable, yes, but my soul is resilient enough.”

She scrutinized me, and I could tell from the slight shake of her head that she was capable of seeing more than she led her companions to believe. With a sigh, she met my gaze. I raised my brow. 

“Would it be alright if I watched your training sessions, at least?”

Later that week, once we had retired for the night, the hero lay on the stretching mat as I knelt on the ground beside her. Lifting her leg, I placed her calf on my shoulder, one hand holding her ankle, the other stabilizing her leg just above her knee. Slowly, steadily, I leaned in, straightening her leg out until I met resistance.

“Take a deep breath in and out, hero,” I prompted softly. “And push down against my force, into my shoulder.” When she did, I leaned in further, just slightly. She hummed with the mild discomfort, her brow furrowing. 

“It’ll get better,” I whispered, and she nodded her head slowly. “This was my least favorite as well.”

“You said… in Garlemald, assisted stretching was common,” she started, taking another deep breath to steady herself.

“I did,” I replied, as I carefully leaned in a little more once I felt the tension in her leg lessen. 

“So… who was your stretching partner, then? As the emperor, it surely couldn’t have just been _anyone_.”

A corner of my lip turned up. “Would it upset you if I said it was the empress?”

Her lips twitched slightly, and I could see her fighting to keep her expression clear, a spike of tension filling the connection between our souls. 

“No, I expected that,” she finally said.

“You’re a horrible liar, hero,” I teased as I adjusted my grip to lower her leg down. She narrowed her eyes at me. “It was some… random, ultimately irrelevant infantryman. The empress never seemed to bother herself with such menial tasks.”

She hummed with a slight nod as I moved to her other side, prepping her other leg.

“Though she was quite flexible, so she must have stretched at some point or another,” I continued with a slow spreading grin. I watched as the Warrior’s expression shifted into something akin to anger, her nostrils flaring as she exhaled sharply, pressing down against my shoulder with significant force. 

She remained silent for the remainder of our stretches, leaving to bathe without another word. With a sigh, I settled into the bed, arms folded behind my head as I awaited her return. The connection between us sputtered as she stretched it to capacity, but it held nonetheless.

When she walked back into the room, she was fuming from the thoughts that had run rampant during her shower. She huffed as she roughly rubbed the towel against her damp hair before dropping it onto the table and nearly stomped over to the chair by the window.

Throwing herself down onto it, she faced away from me, roughly yanking the blanket draped over the chair to cover herself.

“Was there something horrendously offensive in the shower? A new soap fragrance?”

Silence. She pulled the blanket up to her shoulders.

I sat up, turning my body to sit facing her. “What’s gotten you so upset?”

“Nothing,” she nearly hissed. “Leave me alone.”

I arched a brow, thinking back to the shift in her mood. Humming, I slowly came to stand, taking lazy steps toward her. “Warrior of Light… are you… _jealous?_ ”

“ _What?_ ” She crossed her arms over her chest, still facing the back of the seat. “No. Don’t be ridiculous.”

I came to a stop in front of the chair, peering down at her. Her eyes were trained ahead of her. “I have a great-grandson,” I mused.

She exhaled sharply, looking up at me from the corner of her eye. “I know. He and I were well acquainted.”

“I am aware,” I mused. “But to _be_ a great-grandsire, I must have-”

She sat up quickly, narrowing her eyes at me. “I _know_ ,” she bit out, crossing her arms over her chest.

I narrowed my eyes in return, tilting my head. She turned her head away from me, looking out the window. 

“This is silly. Come to bed.” 

She remained silent. The moments passed, tension mounting in the air. I took a deep breath. 

“Very well. Have it your way, then.” Without further warning, I scooped her up into my arms. 

“What-” She tensed, trying to squirm out of my grasp before I unceremoniously dropped her onto the bed, eliciting a squeal of surprise.

“I’m far too tired for such games, Warrior,” I murmured as I leaned over her, meeting her glare with my eyes, arching a brow when she shifted to push her palms against my chest.

“Well, I’m not in the mood to be near you,” she muttered. I clicked my tongue, quickly grabbing her wrists and pinning them over her head. 

“Is that so?” I breathed, my face hovering above hers. “You wish me to leave?”

She glowered up at me, her lips turned into a pout, but otherwise did not respond. Because she knew I could not leave her, not without her devolving into… whatever she would become without my soul to hold hers in one piece.

“I wouldn’t,” I whispered after a moment passed in silence between us, her breath catching with the intensity of the conviction behind my words. “Even if you wanted me to. Not unless I was certain there was no other way.”

With a slow nod, she averted her gaze, and I slowly released her wrists. I could tell from the way her body relaxed into the plush mattress that whatever bitterness she had been feeling had faded. 

She turned to her side, reaching for the cover and allowing me to slip in behind her before she draped the quilt atop the both of us. Wrapping my arm around her, the other sliding beneath her pillow, I pulled her flush against me, taking a deep breath to relish in the scent of her.

“It was new shampoo,” she whispered, my chest shaking with a silent chuckle as I placed a soft kiss on the side of her neck.

“Understandable ire,” I replied softly, and she nodded, reaching one of her hands beneath her pillow to twine her fingers with mine.

Though we descended into a comfortable silence, I could tell from her breathing that something was keeping her awake. I placed a lingering kiss on her shoulder. 

“What’s on your mind, hero?” I asked, seeming to startle her from her thoughts. She shook her head slowly, and I nipped at her earlobe in response. “Come now, if I’m to answer your questions openly, should I not be afforded a similar courtesy?”

She sighed deeply, exhaling through her nose. Her fingers tightened around mine beneath her pillow.

“Do you... miss Garlemald?” Soft, hesitant. Unsure.

“No,” I replied quickly, shrugging a shoulder. “No more than any of the other civilizations I had a hand in. It's merely a tool, a means to an end.”

She nodded slowly. “So... the empress...?”

“What about her?” A long silence passed between us. 

“It’s stupid. I shouldn’t even ask-” I tightened my grip around her waist, and she breathed a nervous laugh. “Fine. Did you love her?”

“Imagine that. Jealousy,” I mused in response, a smile spreading across my lips that I was sure she could feel against her skin. She tensed before trying to create distance between us. I held her firmly with a click of my tongue. 

“Don't tease me-”

“I did, and I didn't,” I replied, interrupting her, the tension fading from her limbs with my words. She settled into my embrace as she listened to my explanation. “By the time she had passed, we were close friends. Co-conspirators in tormenting the youth of our family.”

“You sound like you miss her,” she observed, barely above a whisper, a hint of sadness in her voice. I hummed as I considered her words.

“Perhaps it may seem so, but we merely spent many years together. She was... remarkable, for a mortal. I think she may have suspected the truth about me, but she never wavered in her loyalty. Stood by my side until the end.”

“Did… you ever tell her?” she asked, barely above a whisper. “That you love her?”

Is that what all of this was about? Because I had not verbalized the extent of my feelings for her in return? I could feel what mirth I felt from our interaction slip away, and pressed my lips to her temple, realizing her abrupt shift in mood stemmed from the insecurity that perhaps I did not return the sentiment. 

Which was preposterous, because my feelings toward her were insurmountable.

“I did,” I responded honestly, hearing her breath catch and feeling the Light churn about with her increased emotions. “But… whatever form of love I expressed for the empress of Garlemald, the words were hollow when I spoke them.”

She gave a small nod of her head, and I exhaled slowly through my nose, tightening my arms around her to pull her closer, trying to make her understand. 

“I’ve lived a great many lives, Warrior of Light,” I continued. “Allowing such closeness only for it to fade while I linger time and time again would be… unbearable.” 

She nodded her head in understanding, though I was certain the depth of my words was at least partially lost. 

It was selfish of me. I knew it was, asking her to repeat the words for my own benefit when I could not bring myself to return them, no matter how true they may be. For thousands of years, I had wanted to tell her, to show her the depth of my feelings for her just one more time. 

And yet, no matter how badly I wished for her to _know_ that it was reciprocated, I felt I had no right. Deep down, a voice kept telling me I did not deserve the joy expressing my devotion for her would bring. Not unless I succeeded.

“Time must have been very lonely for you,” she said, breaking me from my thoughts.

“Not really,” I stated with a shrug. “I was always searching from the corner of my eye for a very particular soul, so caring for truly meaningful connections seemed to fall by the wayside. And I kept myself busy, as you well know.”

“Just another day at the office, I guess,” she finally said, an unmistakable waver in her voice.

I chuckled, nodding my head, trailing the tip of my nose against her skin as her breathing grew unsteady. She remained silent, turning her head slightly away from me into the fabric of the pillow.

Just as I was about to inquire, she exhaled sharply, the sound close to a choked sob. I shifted slightly, lifting myself on my elbow to peer down at her. Her eyes clenched shut tightly, a single tear falling along the length of her nose before it dripped onto the pillow.

I furrowed my brow, examining her carefully as the silent tears continued to fall, waiting to see if she would explain what had brought this shift in mood. Finally, her eyelids slowly slid open, her jaw clenching slightly.

“It just makes me so sad,” she whispered after she exhaled slowly through parted lips, eyes trained on the wall. “That you’ve been working all this time. And you’ve been alone, searching for ways to bring back a home that no one else remembers.”

I shook my head, my response equally soft. “It's alright, Warrior of Light.”

She roughly turned in my arms, laying on her back to look up at me, an intensity in her eyes I had not yet seen. 

“It’s _not_ ,” she insisted with ferocity as water surfaced in her eyes once more, and she blinked rapidly to let them fall down the sides of her face. “It’s not alright. You’re tempered, and you can’t even consider doubting your task-”

“It was a worthy price to pay,” I interjected quietly, my eyes locked with hers. “To save our star.”

Her face contorted as she searched my expression, and she moved her hands quickly to cover her face. 

“Our home, though shattered remnants now, can yet be restored. Zodiark will return, and with Him, we can return what has been lost.” 

She shook her head quickly as I continued, her body trembling as the silent sobs wracked through her body. I sat up beside her on the bed, twisting my body to look at her as I slowly lifted my hands to grip her wrists to try to pull her hands away from her face.

When she relented and lowered her hands, her breath hitched, her eyes lined with red, her face one of tremendous sadness as she beheld me. 

“You are bound so _tightly_ ,” she started, the tears flowing anew. “To this god whose motives remain unknown to me, who has held onto you so greedily for eons, without rest and it- it’s terrifying, and I love you _so much_ that I just want you to be _happy_ and-”

Before she could continue, I shifted to hover over her, pressing my lips firmly to hers. “I _am_ happy,” I said as I pulled back.

She frowned, placing both hands on my shoulders. She averted her gaze down to the center of my chest. 

“How could you be? When I… I should have been _with_ you this whole time but… I left. I must have. If… if I hadn’t, I would be by your side. Like how… Igeyorhm stayed with Lahabrea. I- I don’t remember _why_ , the details surrounding it, but I _know_ and- and I almost wish... I hadn't.”

I slowly shook my head, raising a hand to grip her chin, forcing her to return her gaze to mine. 

A strange sensation filled me with her words, sparked with her admission that she would have preferred to be by my side as Igeyorhm had remained by Lahabrea’s. It swirled within me, this excitement mixed with _something else_ I could not place, surging with each passing moment. 

It tugged on the edges of my mind, desperate and insistent. Demanding. To save her soul, to do what I must. 

The Great Rejoining… with Lord Zodiark’s return, she would be whole. Enough of the pieces were in place, after all. If we moved quickly, she could stay with me forever. She wouldn’t be reborn and have to remember anew.

But first, I would need a solution to releasing the Light she had absorbed, to save her soul from irreversible destruction. And then, I would need to bring her to understand the necessity of the calamities, to agree to quit this folly as a whole. Let her have this victory; help her understand the futility of it. Bring her to realize that she had to agree to allow us to operate unimpeded for us to remain together. 

A tall order, of course, but perhaps… now that things had progressed as they had, it would be possible. And, if she agreed, perhaps Elidibus and I could free her from her own bindings, release her from the clutches of Hydaelyn.

I would succeed, no matter the cost. To preserve her, to have her by my side. 

“You probably… hated me at some point,” she whispered, pulling me from my thoughts, the foreign sensation that swelled within me fading as soon as I took in the unshed tears dancing in her eyes. 

“I…” I let my eyes roam her face, moving my hand to wipe the tears that finally spilled forth. “I _never_ hated you, my love. Nor did I ever blame you. I understood the reasons behind your actions.”

“But you must have been so _lonely_ ,” she sobbed, tears continuing to stream down her face steadily.

“Perhaps so, but not anymore,” I insisted, her breath catching as I gently brushed my soul against hers.

“I love you,” she breathed, her eyes searching mine. “And… I’m so sorry. For- for not being there to help you, to be with you. For leaving you alone.”

I could feel my brow furrow as she continued to speak, realizing she had come to somehow blame herself for everything- the Sundering, my tempering. 

Desperation tore through me at the immeasurable sadness she was feeling, so potent that it reached me even without the intention to share it. I exhaled roughly through my nose as I tried to discern a way to show her just how much she made me feel.

Just how _alive_ I was because she was by my side once more. After all this time. 

But how? How could I make her see? How do I share with her the sincerity of my words? How do I show her my ardent affection for her?

I pressed my forehead to hers, cradling her face between my hands. I could feel her breath coming out in puffs against my face, mere ilms between our lips.

If only we could share the memories as we once had, but with her Echo a mere imitation of what it should be…

My mind danced with images of our past together, how we would meet in the courtyard outside Anyder to share a moment together amidst our busy days. Her smiling face beneath her mask, the glimmer of her soul in the corner of my eye as she would cheerfully regale me of the latest mischief her apprentice had been caught committing. 

_“Of course, if he were yours, I’m sure you would have chastised him time and time again,”_ she would tease. She would playfully nudge of my shoulder when my expression would shift to a more serious one as I came to realize the extent of paperwork _I_ would now be left with, with the Creations the two of them would cook up and let loose.

But then, the realization that such a place was but ruins at the bottom of the sea… even if I told her that I would wander aimlessly wishing she was beside me, sitting alone atop the run-down benches in the courtyard now overrun with ocean life, she would not truly grasp the significance. Not unless she came to remember our daily routine.

Her hand on my shoulder stirred me from my thoughts. With a shuddering exhale, tears welling in her eyes, she lifted her chin slightly, pressing her lips gently to mine.

As I shifted my weight, moving to hover my body over hers, my hands now placed on either side of her head on the pillow, I found myself remembering all the times she would awaken me with the gentlest of kisses. 

How she would kneel beside me as I napped in my usual spot, underneath the tree. Her soft laugh filling the air as I groaned in complaint to be disturbed. The sound immediately lifting my spirits as I cracked a single eye open to see her holding my mask in her hands, her melodic voice teasing me for needing to nap in the sun. 

Even now, Sundered as she was, she still would wake me the same way when I would drift to sleep in the armchair by the window during the many days we spent here. Each time she would liken me to a house cat, playful just as she had always been, the interactions filling me with immeasurable hope and joy.

As she exhaled an unsteady breath through her nose, she pressed against my shoulders to coax me to lay back down on the bed, flipping us so she now hovered above me. Her hands slid down to the mattress from their place on my shoulders before she pulled back, her arms outstretched as she looked down at me. 

Her eyes were brimming with emotion as she regarded me, yet all I could do was reach a hand up to cup her cheek. She leaned into my touch, her lids sliding shut, a single tear slipping down her face.

After a moment, she slowly shifted to sit up. She exhaled a slow breath before moving her hands to the hem of her shirt. Lifting it and discarding it to the side, she visibly swallowed as she reached behind herself to unclasp her smallclothes before letting it drop onto the mattress beside us.

She then moved her hand to lay atop mine, gently squeezing it as she guided it to lay atop her heart, allowing me to feel its erratic beating to match the flickering of her soul. With another deep breath, she leaned in again to press her mouth against mine. 

My lips moved slowly against hers, savoring every moment. I could feel her skin against my own, the closeness of our souls spurring the overwhelming emotions I had been filled with as I tried to find the right words to put her mind at ease, to make her realize that I could never, would never blame her.

Her soul steadily enveloped mine, and as she deepened the kiss, she shifted to straddle my hips. Though I had been coating her soul with my own this entire time, the reciprocated connection from her sent a shiver down my spine.

Her breath caught with the sensation, a soft whimper escaping her. Her breathing turned heavy as she frantically moved her lips against mine, her tongue brushing against my bottom lip.

A newfound desperation filled the link between our souls, her fingers fumbling as she made work of my trousers. 

I lifted my hips to aid in sliding them down just enough, wanting nothing more than to be closer to her in this moment, wanting to feel our souls joining as we came to be as close as physically possible. Hooking her fingers into the waistband of her smallclothes, she deftly slid them down her legs before settling to straddle my hips again.

I could feel her wet warmth brush against me, a groan slipping past my lips as she pulled back slightly to press her forehead to mine. 

Images of our time together walking to Convocation meetings filled my mind, how we would sneak away together into an unused room when we had time to spare to make love before frantically redressing to not be late. How she would blame me for being insatiable, when she had been the one to suggest it. How I would pull her by her hand to stop her mid-stride before she entered the Convocation chamber to turn her around and sneak a quick peck to her lips before we took our seats, the redness of her cheeks peeking through from under the mask. 

But then the image blurred once again, and I remembered how I would sit alone for hours in the recreated chamber, wishing that I could find her again. That I could hold her in my arms again.

And now, here she was. How do I tell her…? That a world without her after searching for so long was an impossibility. That I wanted nothing more than her safety, regardless of the consequences to my own well-being.

“I love you,” she breathed, tearing me from my thoughts as she raised her hips slightly, reaching between us to grab my arousal in her hand. Slowly, she began to stroke my flesh, her breathing coming in sharp pants against my mouth as she felt it harden further with her ministrations. 

I exhaled sharply, lifting my head to press my lips hungrily against hers. My hand placed upon her heart slid to cup her breast, massaging the supple flesh before pinching her nipple, rolling the firm peak between my fingers. She moaned loudly against my lips, releasing me and placing both of her hands on my chest as she braced herself. 

My other hand quickly found purchase on her hip, shifting her to align her entrance with my erection before guiding her down in one fluid motion. We moaned in unison at the feeling, pulling back from the kiss to revel in the intimate connection we had formed.

“ _Gods_ ,” she gasped, rocking her hips ever-so-slightly against mine. I tightened my grip on her, guiding her to slowly lift before sliding back down, feeling every ilm of me slipping inside her. 

Her warmth surrounded me, and she continued to hesitantly reach to wrap her soul around mine, her affections for me mingling with my own for her. As she began to more confidently move her hips, her breathy moans filling the room, I found myself in awe of her.

“Beautiful,” I panted as she picked up the pace, shifting just slightly to better position herself. I raised my hips to meet her motions, her breath catching in her throat. Her back arched as her sighs grew to be throaty moans each time I brushed against the spot deep inside her, her walls quivering around me the closer she got to her climax.

Slowly, steadily, we climbed toward her orgasm together. The sounds she made, the feeling of her tightness around me spurred me closer to my own. 

“That’s it,” I breathed, watching her with wonder. How she would gasp that she loved me as her forehead became sheen with sweat. Her breasts bouncing with each downward thrust she made as she ground against me, frantically seeking her end. 

“I- Oh, Twelve, I’m so-” With a loud moan, she dug her nails into my skin, her head thrown back as I sat up to press my lips to the hollow of her throat. She wrapped her arms around me, desperate keens slipping from her lips as she bucked her hips against mine, her walls tightening around me, shuddering as she grew ever closer.

“Let go, my love,” I panted into her shoulder, my hands finding purchase on her hips to help her as her movements turned irregular. “Let me feel you.”

Words could not describe the depth of my love for her, how significant she was to me. With a loud cry, she finally reached her end, her body trembling as she wrapped her arms more tightly around me.

She threw her head back as she rode the waves, the sight of her lost in her pleasure causing me to swell within her. With one final thrust, I felt my body tense, a shuddering groan escaping me as I held her down in my lap, releasing deep within her.

The room fell silent then, save for our combined heavy breathing. She rested her forehead against my shoulder, her heart rate erratic, the feeling of our mutual happiness flooding the connection between us. 

After a short while, I slowly lifted her from me with a soft groan before helping her to lay on the bed beside me once more. She rolled to face me, our arms wrapped around one another as we continued to calm. Eventually, she began lazily tracing patterns on my back as I combed my fingers through her damp hair, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead as she released a content sigh. 

Our breathing normalized slowly, our heart rates slowing, and the room slipped into a comfortable silence. I could tell she was awake from the sound of her breathing, long after she had stopped moving her hands. Her mind seemed to be racing with thoughts before she finally spoke.

“Do you miss it?” Her voice broke the quiet, the question stilling my hand. “The Source?”

“Do _you_?” I asked, craning my head back to look down at her face.

“Mmm, I think so,” she admitted, her fingers slowly tracing along my spine. “It's home, you know?”

I shrugged a shoulder, resuming my motions to comb through her hair.

“Although... it's not really home for you,” she added, pursing her lips. “Not... as it currently stands.”

“It cannot truly be considered home for you, either,” I replied, perhaps a little too curtly. I watched as her expression fell with my tone.

“Yeah... I guess.”

“Though, I cannot fault you for not missing something that you only vaguely remember,” I sighed. “But yes. Since I've been away I do miss the... brightness of the Lifestream in comparison to here.”

She hummed, seeming to consider my words. “The drawing in the book… of the Lifestream flowing through the city. Is it similar to that?”

“A fraction of what that illustration demonstrated,” I lamented, and she frowned with a nod. “But the air upon the shard as well, seems…”

“Less alive?” she guessed when I trailed off, unable to properly describe the difference between the stagnance of the First and the Source.

“Mm,” I hummed with agreement. “I suppose that’s one way to describe it.”

“I noticed it too,” she said, settling into my arms with a yawn. “I assumed it was the Light.”

“That would certainly be part of it,” I said, wrapping my arms around her to pull her closer to me as she relaxed, her mood improved from before, despite the serious topic at hand. “But even before the Flood, I would say it was similar. It’s… likely because of the Sundering. Less strength to the souls, less energy in the air.”

She nodded slightly, turning her head to press her cheek against my chest. After a moment, she yawned again, the pulsation of her soul in tandem with her heartbeat slowing as her consciousness waned.

Without another word, I pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, my lips turning up into a soft smile as she hummed contentedly. With a wave of my fingers, the lights in the room finally extinguished, and I settled into the mattress to allow the steady sound of her soft breathing to lull me off to sleep as well. 


	33. Warrior of Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. It's been a hell of a day. 
> 
> Also, a touch of sexual content.

How? How did he not blame me for this? I...could not recall the details, of course, but I  _ knew _ I had refused to go along with the summoning, that...I had doomed him to a life of loneliness without me. 

If I had just  _ been there _ ...I would have been with him this whole time. I would have...been  _ like _ him.

And it was all  _ because _ of me. 

When he pressed his forehead against mine, I let my eyes fall shut. His soul pushed against mine insistently and I sighed an unsteady breath against his face as he attempted to calm my churning thoughts, desperation running so thoroughly through him that I could feel it as if it were my own.

I could feel his mind spark with recollection a moment before there was a flash of light behind my eyes as he sent his memories to me, though there was an unmistakable tinge of sadness to them as they played through my head. 

Suddenly, I stood in a magnificent courtyard outside of a large building...its purpose dancing  _ just _ on the edges of my mind. There was a bright smile on my face when I saw him waiting for me on a bench, and I waved my arm in a wide arc until he noticed me. 

I laughed as I told him of the goings-on of my office- more specifically my mischievous... _ apprentice? _

In the next moment, I was on the seafloor- myself, this time, and  _ not _ the Fourteenth- standing in the middle of the same courtyard, though now it was nothing but ruins, overrun by coral and barnacles and other various types of sea life. I peered up towards the surface, the rays of light filtering through from the land above.

This was-

Footsteps echoed in the eerie silence and I looked around until my eyes landed on  _ him _ \- Emet-Selch, as he was now, in his imperial garb. He wandered about aimlessly for several minutes, his shoulders slumped heavily, his eyes far away. Finally, he came to a pause in front of the bench I had seen him sitting on moments before. His lips pulled into a thin line as his eyes turned sad and I watched as he sat, heaving a deep sigh, his head dropping into his hands. 

Tears rose to my eyes once more, desperate to soothe the hopelessness I felt radiating from him. I reached for him but, before I was even able to lay my hand on his shoulder, I was thrust back into the present. I exhaled shakily as I attempted to reign in the sob that was climbing up my throat.

He had- he had been  _ so _ lonely without me. And he was here, downplaying his own feelings for my sake. So that I wouldn’t feel guilty for leaving him alone.

My chin trembled as I raised my hand to his shoulder and lifted my head a few ilms off of the pillow to press my lips to his.

He shifted so that he hovered above me. My arms wrapped around his neck, pulling his head down to mine so I could kiss him harder, my own desperation driving me forward. 

A moment later, as my mouth moved in tandem with his, there was another flash of light. 

This time, I knelt next to him as he slept under a tree. With a smile, I gently lifted the mask from his face and leaned over to press a soft kiss to his cheek. He whined quietly. I breathed a laugh as he began to complain about being woken up.

And I...I had done the same thing many times, I realized, even as fragmented as I was. I could tell that he had understood that as well, when his hope and happiness filled my chest at the thought. 

I…

My lips continued moving with his, the water in my eyes ready to spill over. I sighed through my nose, nudging his shoulder, prompting him to switch positions with me, and when I hovered above him instead, he reached up, placing his hand on my cheek. My eyes slid shut, nuzzling my nose into his palm, the tenderness of his touch finally forcing the tears to begin to fall. 

A desperation tore through me as we began disrobing and the stream of memories continued, adding to the intensity of my feelings for him.

I loved him  _ so much _ . 

And...I had left him alone.

But no longer, I vowed. I would  _ never _ leave him alone again.

Days later, after a long and rigorous day of training, the both of us had retired to the comfort of his room- and more importantly, his bathing room. 

When Emet-Selch held his hand out to me, I took it readily, and he helped me into the large bathtub. 

A quiet moan slipped from me as I sat down across from him, letting the hot water relax my aching muscles. I laid my head back on the edge of the tub and sighed. 

“Tired, hero?” he asked me, nudging my leg with his knee, a measure of amusement in his voice. I hummed, a small smile spreading across my lips.

“You’re running me ragged,” I teased. “Daily drills are one thing, but I haven’t trained like this since I was first learning how to fight. Sparring  _ every day _ …” He chuckled, the water shifting around us as he moved. I cracked my eyes open and tilted my head to the side to get a better view of him. 

He sat up in the bathtub, reaching to the side to grab one of the washcloths and soap I’d set out for us to use. I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, my breath catching in my throat as I watched him, the water cascading down the carefully sculpted planes of his abdomen, the muscles over his ribs stretching and contracting as he moved...

A fire lit within my body, an ache between my-

“Is there something I can help you with, Warrior of Light?” he asked, jerking me out of my trance. I blinked, my lip falling from my teeth. My eyes shot to his face as he settled back into the bathtub, an amused smirk on his face as he busied himself with dunking the cloth into the water.

When he looked up, locking his gaze with mine, my face immediately flushed.

“No,” I muttered, quickly averting my eyes to the side, embarrassed that I had been caught. 

“Is that so?” he asked. I watched from the corner of my eye as he wrung the rag out and gingerly laid it on the edge of the tub before shifting again, moving to his knees before leaning over me in a fluid motion, his hands gripping the porcelain on either side of my head, a wide, feral grin on his face. “Are you sure about that?”

My eyes slid from his face and roamed the length of his body as a sly smile formed on my lips. I raised one arm, wrapping it around his neck as I pulled myself up to meet him.

“I don’t know,” I breathed, brushing my lips against his. “What is it you have to offer me?”

He hummed as he examined me with hooded eyes, his expression heavy. A moment later, his grip on the bathtub went slack as he hungrily pressed his lips to mine, one of his hands going to the floor to hold himself up, the other arm winding around my waist to support me. My fingers threaded into his hair as I moved my mouth against his, my other hand trailing down his abdomen, fingertips brushing over his muscles. When I reached his ribs, he sucked a sharp breath in through his nose and I smiled against his lips. I continued downward, over his stomach, his navel, his hip, until I reached his-

Suddenly, he tore his mouth away from mine with a groan. Quickly, his hand raised to the edge of the bathtub again as my eyes flew open, my face falling into an expression of concern as he cringed, dropping me back into the water, creating waves.

“What’s wrong?” I asked urgently, looking him over for injury as the water sloshed against the sides of the tub. The arm that had just been around my waist now reached behind him. “Your back?” 

He nodded, his brow furrowed deeply.

“Okay,” I said softly, moving to sit up, helping him to straighten as I moved. “Can you turn around?”

The Ascian pursed his lips and began to slowly spin so his back was facing me, a hiss of pain slipping out as he moved. 

“Alright,” I cooed, widening my legs and tugging him back into me. I lifted my hands and gently laid them on his back. “I’m going to-” He jumped slightly at my touch, his breath catching for a moment. 

“Hero-”

“Calm down,” I insisted with a small smile as I pressed my thumbs into his skin and began kneading his back. Upon realizing what I was doing, he relaxed.

“That feels good,” he said after a few moments, heaving a deep sigh. I hummed as my fingers worked along his back, but when they reached his lower back and he tensed again. “Damn these mortal bodies,” he muttered, raising one of his hands to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Extremely inconvenient.”

“Maybe we should be stretching you as well,” I started, lightening the pressure. “Instead of just me. You could teach me.” 

“Perhaps,” he replied. “It  _ has _ been quite a long time since-” Another hiss. “-I have been forced to move so much.”

“No one is  _ forcing  _ you,” I reminded him with a huff of a laugh. “This is all on your own accord.” He hummed, though did not deign to respond further. 

We sat in silence for a few minutes as I carefully worked the knots in his back, and slowly, the tightness in his muscles began to ease.

“Better?” I asked over his shoulder when I had finished. Cautiously, he twisted from side to side.

“Much.” I nodded and wound my arms around his waist and leaned back against the wall of the tub. I pulled him down with me and laid him on my chest, my hands moving instead to wrap loosely around his neck, clasping over his collarbone. 

“Good,” I sighed. “You’re...hurting yourself enough already. For me.” He began to turn, no doubt to argue, but I tightened my arms to hold him in place. “Don’t.” I felt his displeasure strain against my soul, but after a moment, he acquiesced, lying against me again. “I just...it’s the least I can do. To help you.”

He brought both hands up, rubbing up and down my arms a few times before wrapping his fingers around mine.

“That’s not necessary,” he said, his voice barely higher than a whisper. I breathed a laugh, tightening my hold on his hands.

“It is,” I insisted, nuzzling my nose in his damp hair. “And even if it wasn’t, I would do it anyway.” We were quiet for a long moment before he tilted his head up and to the side, eyes searching my face. 

“Thank you,” he said. “My love.”

I felt a bright smile tug at my mouth as I leaned down, catching his lips with mine. He huffed a laugh through his nose as he beheld my expression and lifted himself to meet me.

When I was out of breath, he pulled away. I tried to tug him back, but he sat up and spun around so he was facing me again. I followed him, but he placed his hand on my shoulders to stop me and I pouted my lips.

“We should wash up, hero.” A sly grin spread across his mouth. “Wouldn’t want the water to get cold, would you?”

I narrowed my eyes at him before batting his hands away and forcing myself into his lap, my knees straddling his legs.

“I can’t find it in me to care,” I bit out. “Finish what you’ve started.” Before he could respond, I roughly pressed my mouth to his. His chest rumbled with a laugh, his hands finding purchase on my hips, forcing me down against his obvious, growing arousal. 

“The things you do to me,” he mused, his words no more than a whisper against my lips. “As you wish.”

The next day we were back in the arena. Ryne sat off to the side as she usually did, watching him intently, making sure he didn’t push himself too hard.

After stretching normally, we stood on opposite sides of the arena, eyeing the other carefully, waiting for the other to make the first move and take the offensive. 

Finally, my impatience got the best of me and I propelled myself towards him. We launched into an exchange of blows, my deflections improved much over the days we spent training. 

But, eventually, he was able to disarm me, my training sword flying from my hand and sliding across the floor. The Ascian clicked his tongue in dismay.

“Again,” he ordered. Over his shoulder, I saw the Oracle cross her arms over her chest. I pursed my lips together but obeyed with a sigh, moving to retrieve my weapon once more. 

“Again,” he commanded when he had beaten me once more.

“Again.” There was an unmistakable bite to his tone now.

“Ag-”

“Stop!” Ryne’s voice shouted from the other side of the room. We both froze mid-stance. My chest heaved from the continuous, rigorous movements he had been forcing me through. I looked back to her, noting the worry on her face as she examined him, hands balled into fists at her sides. “Please.”

He frowned as he locked eyes over my shoulder, exhaling a deep breath through his nose. I relaxed my arms and peered up at him, wondering exactly what she saw. 

His forehead was shining with a sheen of sweat, strands of his hair dampened and stuck to his face, which held an almost imperceptible expression of...pain?

And his...skin. Was it my imagination or did he seem paler than normal?

“Again,” he said, his voice low. I swallowed audibly.

“Perhaps...we should be done for now,” I offered. His jaw clenched and he rolled his eyes. 

“Fine,” he muttered, annoyance dripping from the word, the energy in the room quickly shifting towards anger. I blinked back my surprise at the bite in his tone as he dropped his stance entirely and whipped around, heading for his tunic and overcoat, throwing his training weapon onto the ground in frustration.

A measure of hurt twisted my gut as I watched him roughly shove his arms into the holes.

When he had finished redressing and was quickly stomping towards the door, my eyes honed in on the small, fluttering ribbon that was usually tied at the small of his back. 

My eyes widened. He always seemed so... _ together _ . But now…with the feeling of the Light... I sighed, then began to jog after him.

“Emet-Selch,” I called. He clicked his tongue, but continued on. “Please stop.” He released a sharp, exasperated sigh and came to a halt. 

“What, hero, do you want?” he bit out as he turned to me again.

“Your…” My eyes dropped to his waist and breathed a laugh, placing my hands on his shoulders and tugging. “Turn around.”

His lips pursed, but reluctantly did as I asked. He spun so his back was facing me and I busied myself with fixing his ensemble. I reached up, straightening the pauldrons on his shoulders, then gently sliding my hands down the leather of his coat to smooth it out until my hands came in contact with the ribbon. 

I pressed my forehead between his shoulder blades as I tied it into a bow once more, then wrapped my arms around his waist. 

He heaved another sigh as I felt his muscles begin to relax. After a moment, he began to turn to face me and I loosened my arms. He looked down to me, one hand rising between us to rub his chest over his shirt. 

“I’m…,” he started, but shook his head. “You’re right, it’s probably for the best.” 

I nodded sadly, lifting one arm to his to halt the motion. His brow furrowed for a moment before he breathed a laugh and turned his hand to twine his fingers between mine. 

“How about a walk around the city, then?” he suggested, gently this time. “Or down by the shore, to calm ourselves?” A small smile graced my lips.

“Sure,” I conceded. “But first, we should get a drink.”

Later that night, I sat on the floor in front of a roaring fire, back leaned up against a couch, relishing the heat after another long day of training. Emet-Selch had placed himself on the couch behind me, gloves sitting on the arm, toying with the tail in my hair, as the Scions began streaming in after finishing dinner.

As they took seats around the fire, the Ascian tugged the band from my hair, letting it fall loosely onto the cushion and over my shoulders. I tilted my head, resting my temple against his knee as he brushed it back with his fingers, his nails lightly scratching against my scalp, causing a shiver to creep up my spine. I hummed, my eyes falling shut as he loosed any knots brought by our rigorous movements throughout the day.

“Keep doing that,” I said, my words slow and sleepy. “Please.”

“Is there any particular reason you don’t wear your hair down more often?” he asked, his voice soft as he continued.

“It’s not very combat efficient,” Thancred chimed in. I opened my eyes, watching as he dropped into a sofa right next to the fireplace. He leaned back, his head falling onto the back cushion. My gaze slid up to Emet-Selch to see his reaction. He raised a brow to the hyur across the room.

“If you’re ever in a position in which your hair impedes on your ability to do combat, you deserve to be at a disadvantage,” he shot back.

“But…,” Ryne started, a shy smile on her face as she took a seat next to me on the floor. “Your hair is short.”

“It is  _ now _ , yes,” he replied, positioning my head as he wanted it, then began tugging on my hair as he began sectioning it off. “But it wasn’t always. If you ever make it to the Source, be sure to acquire a book on Garlean history. My hair was  _ truly _ magnificent, as was my beard in my older ages. My grandson, Varis, and his son both took after me and they could wipe the floor with nearly anyone in the room. With hair longer than hers.” I huffed a laugh at the measure of arrogance in his tone.

“ _ Must _ you sound so proud of them?” 

“It _was_ a lifetime’s worth of work, Warrior of Light,” he chided me. “I _should_ be proud of it, to a  degree.” I rolled my eyes at his response. 

“If you-” He pulled hard on a strand, and I clicked my tongue, tilting my head back so I could look up at him. “What are you-”

“Ah!” Quickly, he moved my head back into place. “Don’t move.”

“What are you doing?”

“Braiding,” he mumbled, focused on his work. “There was a certain...hairstyle in Ala Mhigo and I’m...trying to figure it-”

“Can’t you just…” I snapped my fingers.

“Of course I could, my dear hero, but perhaps I merely wanted an excuse to play with your hair.”

My face flushed as all eyes in the room honed in on me and I was never more thankful for the darkness of the room and the orange glow of the fire. 

A comfortable quiet descended upon the room as the Ascian continued braiding my hair. Alisaie sat cross-legged on the floor in front of Ryne and pulled out a deck of cards. Thancred, off by himself, was deeply relaxing in his chair.Y’shtola and Urianger launched into a discussion with Alphinaud in hushed tones that I did not care to listen to. 

But after a few moments, Emet-Selch breathed a laugh.

“Mm?” I hummed in inquiry, tilting my head a fraction of an ilm in inquiry..

“Your friends,” he began as the quiet conversation on the other side of the room stopped. I looked towards them as they twisted to peer over to us. “They are inquiring as to just  _ how _ I am able to retain my closeness to you.” My brow furrowed. 

“Well,” Alphinaud said, lifting a finger to his mouth. “You are tempered, are you not? It’s curious, isn’t it, that Zodiark has not attempted anything...untoward?” 

I straightened. No, we can’t-

“ _ Is _ it curious?”

“Alphinaud does have a point,” Y’shtola replied in the twin’s stead. “You have told us you are unable to even  _ think _ of going against His will. We have seen the consequences for ourselves. Her very existence is to disrupt your work, yet here you are, mostly unencumbered.”

I breathed a nervous laugh.

“Is this something we should really be speaking about?” The miqo’te tilted her head towards me, regarding me thoughtfully before she nodded, eyes lighting with the same realization that I had.

“Perhaps you’re right my friend. I supposed it was-”

Behind me, the Ascian sighed and she paused, brow raised in surprise.

“My  _ actions _ may be restricted by Him, that much is true. However, my affections cannot be. Before Hydaelyn, before Zodiark… she was mine, and I hers. Such a bond cannot be severed, even by a tempering.”

“That...doesn’t quite answer the question, I’m afraid,” Alphinaud interjected and I pursed my lips. “Your actions could be restricted, but He has allowed you to stay instead of forcing you to watch from afar.”

“Really, we should change-”

“It’s perfectly alright, my dear hero,” Emet-Selch assured me, tugging lightly on a lock of hair before shifting his attention back to my friends. I frowned, but sat back once more, crossing my arms over my chest as he continued. “You have concluded that I am unable to go against the tempering. If I am unable to go against His absolute will, yet am permitted to stay, does that alone not answer your question?”

The twin was taken aback for a moment, mouth opening and then closing again.

“So...you  _ are _ ? Being told to remain here?” The Ascian hummed thoughtfully.

“Not exactly.” From her place on the floor, Alisaie clicked her tongue.

“What does that even mean?”

“In truth...I am unsure myself.”

Silence fell about the room once more as the Scions pondered his meaning- and thought of the implications of what he’d said. 

After a long while, Thancred sat up with a groan and everyone’s focus went to him.

“Well,” he began slowly, looking at us all in turn. “Shall we discuss moving forward with our plans, then?” My eyes widened as he spoke, my stomach instantly tying itself in nervous knots. Emet-Selch’s hands paused in my hair. “I believe we’ve made significant progress in our training.” The gunbreaker’s eyes landed on me. “And the Warrior of Light seems...stable. In fair fighting shape?”

I hesitated, breath catching in my throat. 

“I’m not...I don’t know if I’m ready,” I sighed.

“We’ve all seen you sparring in the arena. You’re  _ more _ than ready,” Thancred insisted. “And the longer we wait, the more time Vauthry has to bolster his-”

“Is there...any particular reason you’re stalling?” Alisaie interjected, lowering her hand of cards to her lap. A silence stretched between us and it was all I could do to keep my mouth from dropping open.

Was it...really  _ that _ obvious?

My eyes dropped to my lap as the Ascian clicked his tongue in frustration, roughly throwing the length of my hair over my shoulder, though I was truly unsure if his ire was due to the conversation or because he could not figure out the braid. 

“Do you...not want to do this?” The hyur began again, his voice soft. “You don’t have to. I’m sure we could...find an alternative, right?” I looked up once more, in time to see him exchange a look with Y’shtola, who nodded. “Somehow.”

“We could try-,” the miqo’te offered.

“I...It’s not that,” I explained quickly, my hands clasping tightly in my lap. Because...it wasn’t, right? I  _ couldn’t _ stray from my path, but... “I don’t know, it’s-”

“The longer we take, the more damage _ he _ takes,” Ryne said, her voice sad. My breath caught in my throat as I slowly turned my head towards her. Behind me, the Ascian stilled. I could feel the waves of annoyance return, radiating off of him. 

“I’m perfectly cap-”

“He doesn’t complain,” she interrupted him, shaking her head. “But I can see it in the way he carries himself. And...in the way his soul seems less radiant than before.” Emet-Selch clicked his tongue, his irritation grinding against my soul.

“I am quite  _ fine _ ,” he bit out.

“You are not,” she argued. “This is a temporary solution  _ at best _ and we both know it.” He blew a sharp breath out of his nose.

“If I say I can handle it, then I can handle it. I-  _ and only I _ \- know my limits, young Oracle.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“That may be so, but at what point will you reach it? And would you deign to tell us when you had?” When he didn’t answer her, she huffed and picked her cards up again, angrily setting one down onto the discard pile. Alphinaud cleared his throat.

“A few more days, then,” he offered quietly. “And we will reevaluate again.”

I lowered my eyes to my lap again with a sigh, shoulders slumping as the Ascian slid his fingers through my strands once more, an attempt to soothe the both of us, I realized, as the room grew silent again, save for his quick and angry breathing. 

When the hand had finished, Ryne stood and stormed out of the room, an unmistakable look of despair on her face that she attempted to hide as she left. Y’shtola quickly followed her out of the room, her expression tight and worried.

With a sigh, Alisaie collected her cards and got to her feet, moving to sit in the miqo’te’s abandoned seat next to Urianger, who agreed to play a few rounds with her.

Emet-Selch continued running his hands through my hair, the tips of his fingers rubbing against my scalp. I closed my eyes, letting my head bob with his movements. I knew it was meant to  _ comfort _ me and I was thankful for him  _ and _ his actions to help, but the tension did not leave me, my mind stuck on the Oracle’s words.

Was I...really hurting him more with my hesitance to continue on? Ryne wouldn’t lie, but neither had  _ he _ . But he...was also  _ very _ good at skirting around the truth. No matter how open he had been with me as of late, it didn’t change the fact that he was experienced in concealment. Spinning around the truth.

We  _ all _ knew what he was doing was merely temporary, of course, until we could find a way to safely expel the Light. But was it less temporary than we had assumed? And was it really causing significant damage to his soul, too?

It...had to be, didn’t it? Why hadn’t I...even thought of it?

His recent mood swings were proof enough. How it only  _ just _ dawned on me was beyond my own comprehension. When...the churning around my own aether grew worse, I had lashed out at him. Many times. 

I had said I loved him, and yet...I was being selfish, wasn’t I? For my own sake? All I wanted was some time alone with him before finishing this journey. I had  _ no idea _ how this would end and so, I...didn’t want it to end. But… 

I sat on the floor, brooding for a long while, only making myself feel worse and worse about my situation with each passing moment. 

If only I  _ could _ relinquish my heroic duties and be free of them. Perhaps I was tempered afterall, unable to stand down, unable to  _ truly _ have free will. 

I wasn’t sure when I had fallen asleep, or how long I had slept for, until I woke up again, my cheek pressed against warm, soft material, strong arms holding me firmly against his chest. Emet-Selch began gently setting me down in the large bed in his room. I examined his face for a long moment before reaching up and placing my hand on his cheek. He seemed momentarily caught by surprise until his gaze found mine. 

“I’m sorry,” I murmured, stroking my thumb along his skin. He smiled softly as he hovered over me, one of his hands covering mine. 

“Whatever for?” Tears rose to my eyes with his words and I could feel my face beginning to crumple. 

“I was scared of losing all of  _ this _ and so I stalled on completing this mission. I wanted...to be by your side again so that you wouldn’t be alone anymore,” I said, my voice unsteady and ready to break. I swallowed hard, gaze falling to his chest. I splayed my free hand over his heart. “And it’s hurting you.” He breathed a laugh, brushing the hair from my forehead before leaning further forward and placing a soft kiss on my skin.

“You have no need to apologize, my love,” he insisted when he’d pulled back. He took both of my hands in his, rubbing the backs of them with his thumbs. “Ryne was merely exaggerating. It does not hurt as badly as she made it seem.” I nodded, but the tears still fell, sliding from my eyes and onto the pillow. He released my hands to wipe them away. 

“Are you sure?” I whimpered. He hummed in affirmation.

“Besides, we know not yet how to rid your soul of the Light. You are likely doing me a favor by stalling as I’m afraid we will be stuck like this a while yet. Therefore, I will not be going  _ anywhere _ so long as I can help it.” He stood for a moment to remove his coat and tunic

“And even if it was true, and I was in quite a bit of pain,” he continued. “Which it is  _ not _ .” He sighed, climbing overtop of me and into bed. He tugged on my waist until I turned to face him. When I had, he took my face in his hands, pressing a short kiss to my lips before pressing his forehead against mine. “My soul is much more resilient than yours. Any damage I incur would likely be so incredibly minimal, it would not make a difference. Therefore, I would do this for as long as  _ you _ needed it. Days, months, years...take as long as  _ you _ want to.”

My chin trembled as I searched his eyes, tears threatening to spill anew. 

“Now, my hero,” he whispered, a small smile tugging at his lips as he pulled back slightly. He snapped his fingers, the curtains drawing shut, bathing us in darkness. I breathed a wavering laugh at his theatrics and let him envelope me in his embrace, tucking me under his chin and holding me close. “Go back to sleep.”

I hooked my arms under his, pressing my ear to his chest, letting the  _ thump _ of his heart calm me. 

“Okay,” I breathed, closing my eyes once more, holding him as tightly as I could. 

His words soothed me, for sure. But I could not help the feeling nagging at me in the depths of my gut- the feeling that this would not end how any of us wanted. 

The next day, we were back in the arena. He had instructed me to begin using my aether, as we had only been working on the physical aspect of combat until now. Out of all the weapons I possessed, I settled on my rapier for quick, sharp movements, easily paired with magical spells.

Emet-Selch pushed me hard, and I could tell it was so that he could push himself harder- to prepare himself fully for what was to come. To be able to hold on for as long as possible so that we could find a solution.

Training went on for what felt like hours until we were both soaked with sweat, breathing erratic as we stood on opposite sides of the room from each other, Ryne once more on the sideline, watching with intense focus. 

“Again,” the Ascian commanded, a word I had heard a multitude of times over the last few days. I huffed a sigh, raising one arm to wipe the moisture from my forehead before nodding and dropping into position. 

I launched myself towards him. Immediately, he raised his weapon to defend himself, the metal clashing against the blade of my sword. 

Quickly, my eyes took in the scene as we exchanged a few blows. I could tell something was different, but I was unsure of what. Finally, I broke away from him. The sword was forced from his hand, clattering to the floor. 

I blinked in surprise that I had disarmed him for the  _ first _ time since we had started sparring. But, I wasted no time and pulled back a few fulms as I felt his own aether build up around him in response. 

I began shooting fast, short spells at him in rapid succession, forcing him to dodge to avoid getting hit. I felt his energy die down again as he jumped out of the way, flipping backwards on one hand. The magic balls of power instead impacted the floor with an explosion of smoke as he landed on his feet. 

And immediately, as I felt the Light thrash roughly in my chest, he stumbled backwards. Immediately, I saw an opening, allowing me to shoot a shock of thunder at his wrist. With a hiss, he dropped his weapon.

I withdrew my hand quickly, halting the flow of aether, my eyes widening. 

I’d-

I had  _ never  _ been able to-

When he had steadied himself, he took advantage of my obvious falter and propelled himself forward, easily wresting the rapier from my grasp before I was even able to defend myself.

A moment later, he straightened, taking a few steps back to allow us both to catch our breath. With a sharp sigh, he ran one hand through the strands of his hair and I could  _ feel _ the tension mounting in the room. 

“Again,” he ordered, tossing the sword back to me. I clenched my jaw, letting it fall to the ground with a  _ clang _ that echoed across the arena.

Instead of feeling victorious, there was a sour taste in my mouth.

“No,” I insisted. He raised a brow at my audacity. “I disarmed you.”

“You did. And?”

“This entire time, I’ve not done so once.” He snorted an incredulous laugh. 

“This was the first day of pairing aether with physical combat, hero,” he said. “It means nothing more than that I was simply taken aback-”

“No,” I interrupted. “No, you’ve  _ never _ been disarmed.” His eyes narrowed at me. I averted my eyes to the side, exhaling a deep breath. 

“Ryne...Ryne was right,” I concluded. “It’s only going to get worse. We need to continue on.” Another scoff as he placed his hands on his hips. I watched out of the corner of my eye as he shook his head.

“You’re putting  _ entirely _ too much stock into-”

“We need to continue on,” I started again. “The sooner we do, the faster we can look for a way to get rid of the Light. If we don’t-” 

“I can manage, Warrior of Light,” he shot at me with a roll of his eyes. I pursed my lips.

“Can you?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. “Can you really?”

His nostrils flared with indignance at the tone of my voice and he threw his arms up with a groan. 

“If I say I can manage,  _ I can _ . Or need I remind you of our conversation only  _ last night _ ?” My eyes began to burn as tears rose to them and I swallowed, trying to hold them back. I nodded. 

“Yes,” I responded, unable to keep the waver from my voice. “Because you seem to be managing  _ very _ well.”

Silence fell between us for long moments as he stared at me. I looked towards the side once more, wiping the water from my eyes before it started streaming down my face. He sighed and pushed passed me, making for the door, roughly grabbing his shirt on the way. 

I exchanged a sad look with the Oracle, who nodded to let me know I had done the right thing, but a moment later, I felt a sharp pain in my chest as he stretched the distance of our bond to its limit. A whimper escaped me, hand flying to my chest. 

A loud, frustrated groan came from just outside the door and he stepped back into the room. My pain eased almost immediately.

“Let’s just…” He averted his eyes to the side. “Go to lunch.” 

I watched him for a long moment before nodding. I followed him out of the room, motioning for Ryne to come as well.

When we reached the room we used as a dining hall, the Scions were already there. Emet-Selch threw himself into a chair as I moved to the head of the table and cleared my throat.

My friends paused their conversations to look up to me and I took a deep breath.

“I’m ready,” I informed them. “Contact the Exarch and prepare the supplies. We leave in two days.”


	34. Emet-Selch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this while I have time to do so. Today is a doozy for me. I'll fix any grammar and formatting issues later tonight! :( Hopefully it's mostly okay though! Slight NSFW within.

“No.”

The chattering amongst the Scions went silent, their planning for the imminent departure filling the dining hall ever since the Warrior of Light had announced her decision to continue on mere moments prior.

“I’m sorry?” Thancred asked, his brow furrowed.

“It won’t work, this plan of yours,” I stated simply, crossing my arms over my chest as I leaned back in the chair, exhaling a sharp sigh, the Light roiling against my soul as the Warrior of Light’s emotions flared.

“What would you suggest instead?” he asked, calmly. 

I faltered, looking down at my lap. I could feel my frustration swell with the weight of the gaze of all the Scions. 

I had no answers. No matter how much I thought on it, no matter where I looked, I uncovered nothing new that could steer me in a direction toward alternative solutions. 

The Warrior, feeling my aggravation, reached her hand to place it on my shoulder. I knew she was trying to be comforting, but for some reason it only fueled my anger. I jerked out of her grasp, exhaling sharply.

“You… you’re just in pain right now,” she said softly, lowering her outstretched hand.

“Bold of you to assume how I’m feeling,” I muttered, glowering at her. “You seem to have forgotten a major piece in your puzzle, making plans without thinking things through. As per usual.”

Her lips parted, eyes widening slightly with my words before she snapped her mouth shut. 

“Alright,” she replied. “Enlighten me then.”

“How exactly do you intend to face Vauthry?” I asked, arching a brow at her. “With your soul as it is?”

She frowned, a furrow appearing in her brow. “Won’t you… be there?”

“Will I?”

“I thought-”

“Assumptions, hero, are a dangerous thing,” I interjected, watching as she bristled at the hostility of my tone. “You’ve not discussed this sudden change in plan with me. And, in case it wasn’t obvious, I’m vehemently opposed.”

The Warrior of Light cleared her throat. “If this is something you wish to discuss with me in private, we can go and talk-”

“No need. You’ve already made your decision, have you not? To leave after two days? I merely was curious how you intended to do so.”

She opened her mouth to respond before faltering, her annoyance clear on her face. When she shook her head, I clicked my tongue, reaching for the goblet before me to take a long drag of the beverage within.

As the tense silence stretched on, I watched as a myriad of emotions crossed her expression before she sighed.

“We have to move on, Emet-Selch,” she said, sitting beside me and leaning in toward me. “This pain you’re feeling, this irritation that’s making you lash out it’s… all my fault. Because I stalled as long as I have.”

“And what makes you think that I’m even remotely prepared?” I countered. “That I’ll be able to protect you from all the Light he holds?”

“The longer we take,” the young Oracle started, her words clear despite the soft volume. “The worse it will get. No matter how much you prepare, no matter how much you train…”

“There’s no way to know how the final Warden will impact us,” I concluded, leaning back in my seat as my eyes slid shut with a sigh. “Regrettably, I crafted a powerful foe in Vauthry, and as such I can only make a guess at how either of us will react.”

“Hence your hesitance,” Y’shtola commented. “There is little you have done on a whim.”

My eyes opened, honing in on the miqo’te. “There is _nothing_ I have done on a whim.”

Silence fell in the hall as I crossed my arms across my chest. Alphinaud shifted in his seat, revealing his impatience. His sister beside him ran her index finger around the rim of her goblet. 

Ultimately… the Oracle and the Warrior of Light were correct. Delaying would only serve to further muddy the waters. Best to move on now, while her soul still held its integrity and was still able to be bolstered. Despite my reservations, despite my uncertainty, it was clear she would not stray from her task.

Which, truthfully, would be impossible at this point. Try as I might to discern a way to reverse that which she had done here, to restore the imbalance without putting her at risk, I found myself circling back to the same methods. All I could do now was save her soul, find a way to release the Light back into the aether of the First and start over. 

I let my eyes slide back to the hero, her gaze on her hands folded in her lap, clasped together so tightly that they shook. Or perhaps… they trembled with her nerves?

“Very well,” I finally conceded, watching as the tension in her hands immediately vanished. “Two days.”

Later that day, she climbed into bed, a tension between us ever since the conversation in the dining hall. I watched as she took the ribbon from her hair, letting the locks cascade down as she reached for the brush on the table beside us. With a sigh, I placed my hand on the small of her back.

When she tilted her head at me with a question in her eyes, her hand stilling as she finished brushing through a small portion of her hair. 

“Scoot up,” I whispered. She furrowed her brow. “Come on, hero.”

With a soft sigh, she obliged, making space between her back and the headboard.

I slid in behind her, each of my legs on either side of her body as I leaned in to press my chest against her back, holding my hand out expectantly.

“Can I help you?” she asked, craning her head back to gaze at me with a perplexed look.

“The hairbrush,” I prodded, wiggling my fingers, a soft smile spreading on my lips. “Give it to me.”

Her lips fell into a firm line. “I can-”

“Do it yourself. Yes, I am well aware, Warrior of Light. But I would like to.”

With a huff and roll of her eyes, she reluctantly placed the brush in my outstretched palm.

I hummed as I leaned back, curling my fingers around the handle and steadily sectioning out her hair as we fell quiet. The chronometer clicked on the wall, the sounds of crickets seeping in from the opened window. Eulmore was still save for the few who lingered into this late hour, a majority of its inhabitants long since retired.

“Is there a particular reason this vexes you so?” I asked, after I had brushed yet another of the sections, the tense silence still lingering in the room.

“It doesn’t,” she admitted, the tension in her body dissipating slightly. “I’m sorry, I just…”

“It is I who should apologize, hero,” I murmured with a sigh. I slowly lowered the brush back to the table, leaning forward once more to place my chin upon her shoulder. She leaned back slightly as I wrapped my arms around her waist, her hands placed upon mine. “My behavior as of late has been unacceptable, and for that I am truly, deeply sorry.”

“No,” she said with a slight shake of her head. “I should be more patient, I know exactly what you’re going through. Also, I should have… discussed things with you before announcing it to the Scions.”

“Perhaps,” I mused, turning my head slightly to nuzzle my nose into her hair with a deep inhale. “But if you had, would you have let me talk you out of it?”

“Probably,” she admitted, tilting her head to the side to grant me more access. “I think… deep down I knew I just had to rip the bandage off. Even if neither of us want to continue.”

With a slight nod, I placed a gentle kiss to the side of her neck.

“Worry not, Warrior of Light. We have two days yet. We can rest and enjoy one another’s company. Then we will see what happens, and no matter the outcome, we will see it through. Together.”

When she did not respond, I pulled her back into me by her waist, running the tip of my nose along the skin of her neck until I reached her ear. I took the lobe between my lips, sucking on it gently as her breathing hitched.

And yet, despite my desire to simply soak in her company, to enjoy the time we could spend alone before our departure… there, in the back of my mind, was the same incessant nagging, the persistent demanding. I sighed, pausing my motions.

“There’s something I have been meaning to ask you,” I said, my lips against her skin, feeling a nervous uncertainty settle in my stomach as I prepared my next words.

“Hm?” She lulled her head to the side.

“I am uncertain of its nature, of course, but…” I hesitated, tightening my hold around her waist. She placed her hands on my forearms, grasping them in an attempt to reassure me. “Regarding your tie to Hydaelyn…”

I felt her muscles tense. “What about it?” she whispered. 

“Just as you considered attempting to free me, I wondered if-”

“No,” she interjected. “If I’m forbidden from considering it then-”

“The _difference_ , Warrior of Light, and hear me out,” I continued, raising my voice to speak over her when she cut me off. “Is that I have significantly more power than you, and I have a companion with at least the same amount.”

“You have no way of knowing if it would be enough,” she countered, the tension spreading through her body, the Light flickering wildly in her chest.

“It would be,” I stated quietly. She straightened in my arms, shifting to turn and face me, her gaze roaming my expression, a deep furrow in her brow. “I… have done it before.”

Her eyes widened slightly, the implication of my words not lost on her.

“Lahabrea and I,” I began explaining, searching her eyes to gauge her response as I continued. “We were attempting to set off-” I stopped when she placed her hands on my shoulders, shaking my head. “It’s not important what we were trying to do, but suffice it to say it took nearly all of our aether stores.”

“And Fandaniel…?”

I nodded. “Caught in the crossfire. I cannot say what he was attempting to accomplish, but by the time we realized what had transpired, it was too late.”

She looked down. “Then… in order to do so, wouldn’t you have to… Wouldn’t I… _die_?”

“No,” I breathed, lifting my hands to place them on her cheeks, waiting for her to lift her gaze to meet mine. “You wouldn’t meet the same fate.”

Her hands tightened into fists, gripping the cloth of my tunic tightly. She leaned forward to press her forehead to mine. I brushed my thumbs along her cheekbones.

“How can you be sure?” she whispered.

“I’m not,” I admitted readily, feeling the nervous energy in her body swell. “Not yet. But if you agree, I can set the wheels in motion.”

“I don’t…” She clenched her eyes shut, shaking her head slightly. “I don’t know. I-”

“I would never allow harm to befall you in the process, my love.” I slid my hand back to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear. “I wouldn’t move forward unless I was certain.”

“But, if you remove it...” She pulled on her bottom lip with her teeth nervously. “The Blessing protects me from primals. Wouldn’t I just be vulnerable?”

I shook my head, a corner of my lips tugging upward at her concern, so focused on her current circumstances, on the tasks she had been thrust into time and time again. 

“You would never have to _face_ a primal again, dear hero,” I reassured her.

Her eyes shot open. She eyed me warily. 

As I took in her hesitation, I felt my stomach churn, an overwhelming urge to convince her filling me. It became all-consuming, a constant buzzing that increased as I watched her expression slowly shift. It flooded my mind, clouding my thoughts until I was unable to hear myself think, unable to process my thoughts before I spoke words that I had not even considered speaking.

“You are everything, Warrior of Light,” I said. “To lose you would be out of the question. Once you are free of your chains, we will ensure that you remained protected.” 

I watched as she lowered her gaze to my chest, uncertainty marring her expression. She exhaled a slow, unsteady breath, and then started to shake her head. 

But before she could continue her rejection, I lifted my chin, pressing my lips to hers. I held her head between my hands, caressing the sides of her face as I kissed her with every ounce of desperation that filled my entire being. To save her, to preserve her, to keep her.

A soft whimper slipped from her lips as I pressed mine against them with force with a hunger that was not my own. Slowly, I slid a hand down, splaying it flat against her chest, relishing the rapid thumping of her heart, feeling as she began to relax into me, returning the kiss with fervor.

When I pulled back from her lips, her breathing was labored, her lips swollen, I swiped my thumb across her bottom lip. Her eyes searched mine, and I could see her resolve waning.

“I _want_ to, but… something is- In the back of my mind, I just-”

“You don’t have to jump to an answer now,” I murmured, peppering kisses along her skin. “Just consider it. We can discuss it once we’ve returned from Mount Gulg.”

“As much as I’d like to agree, to stay by your side-”

I shushed her, my hand shifting slightly to cup her breast, kneading the soft flesh in my hand before I rolled her nipple between my fingers. She hissed as I pinched the hardening peak, her breath coming in pants as her nails dug into my skin.

“For now,” I whispered, hovering my lips over hers. “I’d like nothing more than to show you a facet of what eternity with us would be like.”

“Emet-Selch,” she started again, though her tone was nervous, unsure.

“Don’t you want to enjoy my company?” I breathed against her lips, continuing to work her breast as my other hand slid down her torso toward her smallclothes. 

“Of course I do,” she gasped, as she placed her hands over mine to try to still them. “But I-”

“Relax then, my Warrior of Light,” I cooed, tugging slightly at her nipple, eliciting a gasp from her when I slid my hand into her smallclothes. “Let me save you. Let us protect you.”

I leaned forward to close the distance between our mouths. After a moment, I felt her melt into me, felt her giving in to the sensations coursing throughout her body. But once she tentatively reached out with her soul, letting it contact mine just slightly, she tensed.

“Wait,” she panted against my mouth, tightening her hold on my hands as she tore her lips from mine. “Wait, please. I don’t think we should do this. Something isn’t right and I-” 

Her soul finally settled upon mine, wrapping around me and cocooning me in her loving embrace. I felt warm and safe, the nervous tension that coursed through every muscle in my body seeping out as I took a deep breath.

Immediately, I felt as if my mind cleared, the desperation fading into the background. She pressed her forehead to mine, gently removing my hands from where they had been to hold them in her lap.

My brow furrowed, her eyes searching mine with deep, discernible worry within them. What-

All at once, the last few minutes played through my mind and a cold chill ran up my spine. I exhaled a harsh breath, shutting my eyes tightly, swearing under my breath. 

He had- 

How had I not realized it was possible for Him to-

I felt her place one hand over my heart, the other cradling the side of my face. 

“Are you alright?” I asked, barely above a whisper.

“Are _you_?” 

I hesitated before shaking my head slightly. I felt the bed shifting, her hands removed from my body for a moment before she wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into an embrace, one hand on my back, the other cradling the back of my head. She pressed her lips to my temple.

I slowly raised my arms, wrapping them tightly around her as I pressed my forehead into her shoulder. My body shook, my every muscle taut with a mixture of fear and anger that coursed through me. I clenched my hands into fists as I held onto the back of her nightshirt.

“I-” I felt my words catch in my throat. “I’m sorry, I- I didn’t know-”

“Shh, it’s alright,” she whispered, running her hand up and down my back. We remained in the same position for several minutes, my breathing calming as she continued to whisper reassurances to me, running her fingers through my hair, rubbing my back. 

When she felt the tumultuous churning of my mind slow, she pulled back.

“Will you tell me what happened?” she asked softly, her eyes sad as she beheld me.

“Zodiark,” I rasped, looking down to avoid her gaze. “I didn’t know that He could-” I could feel my body begin to tremble again, and she moved her hand to cradle the side of my face, running her thumb across the bone.

“It’s okay,” she repeated, for perhaps the hundredth time. 

“He… took advantage.”

“Of your affections?” she guessed and I slowly nodded my head. “And you didn’t know that He could?”

I nodded again. “I knew, of course, that He could sway my actions, to make suggestions and lead me down a path of His choosing, but… I’d never... He never had access to-”

“Because you never found me before,” she surmised. 

I hummed my affirmation, my eyes locked on her collarbone as I felt grief and guilt well within me.

“I didn’t… hurt you,” I started, slowly looking up. “Did I? I remember parts of it, enough to know what-”

She cut me off with a quick peck of her lips on mine before shaking her head.

“You didn’t. I’m fine.”

I nodded yet again, relief flooding me. “Good.”

“Do you need anything? I can get you water,” she offered then and I shook my head as I began climbing out of the bed, pausing only when I felt her hand on my shoulder. I glanced down at her to see an unspoken question in her eyes.

“I have a lot of research to do, hero,” I murmured sadly, standing the rest of the way, her hand slipping down my back. I made my way to the table in the corner of the room, snapping my fingers to summon a large pile of tomes. “I’d best catch up on it.”

She pursed her lips as I took a seat at the table.

“Do… you want help? Reading all those?”

“No, I’ll be alright,” I responded, lifting one from the pile and flipping it open. I snapped my fingers to turn off the lights in the room, leaving only the candle upon my table lit. “You should rest. Please, for the both of us.”

Though I did not look up for the remainder of the evening, perusing page after page of information, I felt her eyes on me for a long while. But eventually, as her exhaustion won out, her breathing became slow and even and she drifted off to a fitful sleep.

As I continued to flip through the vast knowledge that had been amassed within the Exarch’s library, I found myself growing frustrated. Desperate.

Somewhere within these books, within all this research that had been done throughout all the ages, _must_ be the answer. How to save her. How to preserve her. How to safely expend such vast aether without more irreparable damage.

And yet, as I continued to stack them, growing more annoyed at the lack of progress in the understanding of such things, I could not find a single sentence to even steer me in the proper direction.

Not that I was surprised. Sundered beings could not fully grasp such concepts, malformed as they were. 

The more I read, the more bitter I became. As more disappointment mounted, I began roughly turning the pages, burying my head in my palm as I lamented the lack of a different solution than the Ascension.

I had promised I would keep her safe, and yet the moment I let my guard down, my actions, my words… 

Was my previous plan even my own? Could I find another way with such short notice? 

“Emet-Selch?”

I blinked, looking up to see the candle long since extinguished. I glanced at the chronometer. Was it… morning already?

“You… stayed up all night,” the hero stated and I cleared my throat. “Why don’t we take a break and get something to eat and then… I can help you.”

“Are you hungry?” I asked harshly, watching as she flinched back from my tone. She nodded slightly. I sighed, running my fingers roughly through my hair. “Sorry. I just-”

“Let’s go down and eat with the others? Get some fresh air,” she suggested softly, reaching toward me. I tensed as I looked down to see her place her hand atop mine, stilling it.

Had I been… rubbing my chest? I didn’t…

With a sigh, I nodded, standing from the seat. I glanced at the large pile of tomes, my lips pursing as the realization hit that I had not even scratched the surface. With a snap of my fingers, I created an illusion of myself which quickly sat back down and continued to scan the words atop the pages.

“To breakfast,” I said, looking at the Warrior of Light as her eyes widened and she examined the illusion as it flipped the page of the book I had been reading before I had been interrupted.

“You should take a break,” she insisted and I clicked my tongue, holding my hand out for her.

“To breakfast,” I repeated, waiting for her to take my hand. With a frown, she reluctantly raised hers to grasp mine, before the two of us walked to the dining hall.

Despite my best efforts, I was not able to focus on splitting my attention away from the tomes. As time passed, as I remained seemingly uninterested in the conversations around me, ignoring direct questions simply because I had not heard them, I could feel her frustration with me growing.

And yet, I found I could not care as my panic mounted when the hours ticked by. Despite my frantic desire to find _any other way_ … in the back of my mind, I could not help but question my own motives.

My worry, my obsession to search for answers… were they, too, a product of Zodiark’s desire to claim the Warrior of Light? Did I even feel what I felt of my own accord? Could he not only take _advantage_ of my affections, but fabricate them as well?

When we returned to the room, I willed the illusion away, reaching to grab the tome it had almost completed as well as the next one in the pile.

“Come, you should do your drills. With Thancred, perhaps,” I said, scanning the words as I began to leave the room, pausing only when I did not hear her footfalls behind me. “Hero, don’t dawdle.”

The remainder of the day continued in a similar fashion, her annoyance with me growing palpable as she tried to hold conversations with me during meals and I would only half-heartedly engage.

I knew I was being unfair, I knew it was not her fault, that I was being harsh with her because of my own shortcomings. 

I had failed to find another way, I had failed to protect her and the only solution now would very likely leave her freed from one deity only to be enslaved by another.

But pushing her away… keeping her at arms’ length so I could not be used against her again… no matter how badly it hurt, this was a necessity.

Finally, the next day, the day before we were meant to leave, she slammed her hands on the table.

“Another night with no sleep,” she accused, and I sighed through my nose with a nod.

“You’ll find I require little of it when time is of the essence.”

“You’re supposed to be _resting_ , we’re supposed to be _enjoying_ each other’s company!”

I looked up from the page with a raised brow as she raised her voice at me. With a deep sigh, she seemed to collect herself before walking around the table to stand at my side.

“What is it that you’re reading, anyways?” she asked, grabbing a book from the pile to read the title. “What is it that you’re looking for?”

“An answer,” I replied, looking back down at the tome, my hand on my chin.

“To what?” she prodded, her patience wearing thin.

“A question,” I muttered, flipping the page. “I regrettably am coming up empty handed.”

With a groan, she threw her hands up and walked several paces away from me before turning on her heel.

“You said you would be _honest_ with me, Emet-Selch. That you would answer any questions I had, but ever since that night, you’ve shut me out.” Her tone was aggressive, hostile.

I lowered the book down to the table. Locked eyes with her.

“Yes,” I confirmed. “And you told me you would give me more time. To find a solution.”

“I-”

“One promise for another. If you cannot hold up your end of the bargain, then neither will I.”

She exhaled sharply and I could see tears welling in her eyes. 

“Now, if there’s nothing else? I’ve much to read and time has run out.” I waited until she shook her head, turning away from me as a tear slid down her cheek, before lifting the tome once more.

The rest of the day was filled with tension. Few words were exchanged. Even fewer glances. I accompanied her to the dining halls only in body, my mind occupied elsewhere. The Scions, if they had taken notice of my behavior, made no comment.

Perhaps they understood my desperation. Perhaps they assumed I was scrambling to assemble a scheme for her end. In the end, it mattered little.

When we returned to her room one final time before our departure to Mt. Gulg, she sighed heavily at the sound of my illusion vanishing. The silence of the room was cut by the sound of the chair being moved as I sat down to pick up where it had left off.

I could hear the sound of the doorknob rattle as she let her hand drop from it. Her feet shuffling as she turned to face me. Could feel the intensity of her gaze, urging me to look at her. When I did not, she cleared her throat.

With a click of my tongue, I tore my eyes from the page before me, looking up at her.

“Can I ask you something?” she asked, the desperate plea a barely audible whisper. I arched a brow, gesturing with my hand for her to continue, to hurry it along. “What… what changed?”

Immediately, I could feel heat rise through my body, the question inciting rage within me at her blatant lack of understanding. At how she did not _realize_ what was at stake as she continued to run blindly into circumstances neither of us fully could predict the outcome for.

“What _changed?_ ” I repeated, incredulously. I lowered the book to the table. “I did everything in my power to try to protect you. To keep you safe, keep you whole. Even risking damage to _myself_ and you repay me with, what? Impatience? A complete disregard of my wishes? Even now you see me desperately searching for answers after having my mind nearly _taken_ from me, and you _still_ refuse to delay. So tell me, Warrior of Light, what changed?”

I watched her flinch with my words. She looked down at her feet. The chronometer clicked on the wall, her silence speaking more loudly than anything she could have said. 

Despite my feelings, despite my fears… she would not back down. What I wanted mattered little next to her mission. And even though I expected it… my heart sank with disappointment when the chronometer chimed and she had not yet said a word.

“If you've nothing to say for yourself, I suggest you get some rest,” I muttered with a sigh, lifting the book once more. “Tomorrow will be a taxing day for both of us.”

I did not look up at her for the rest of the night, ignoring her attempts to resume the conversation. Whatever she had finally decided to say, I found I could not bring myself to hear it.

Our trek up to the final Lightwarden was uncomfortable. Neither of us looked at each other. The Scions exchanged glances, taking note of the obvious shift in our demeanors. She and I stood at maximum range from one another. 

And even though I wanted to reassure her that we would be fine when we finally arrived at our destination, as she finally confronted Vauthry and he transformed, the words turned to ash on my tongue. They would be nothing but lies.

Nothing I had read in any tome, scroll or manuscript indicated that we would emerge unscathed. And so, as she raised her weapon to begin her final battle, fierce determination in her eyes as she faced him without fear… I did what I had said I intended to do all those weeks ago.

I merely watched.

Watched as she outmaneuvered Innocence with the aid of her comrades, watched as he began to slow as she gained the upper hand. And when she dealt the final blow, still I stood by wordlessly observing.

Silence descended on the platform as the final Lightwarden dissipated, the immense aether stored within gathering in the air.

I sucked in a breath as time seemed to slow, unconsciously taking a step toward the Warrior of Light to bring myself closer to her, to bolster the defense I provided. The Light began to move toward her and she tensed, her own breath catching as it vanished beneath the surface.

The sky darkened, and the Scions went still. 

One second passed. And then another.

I exhaled slowly. The hero relaxed her stance.

“Did… it work?” Thancred asked, looking to his compeers. The elezen narrowed his eyes, bringing a hand to his chin as he looked their friend over. He pursed his lips.

“It doesn’t… feel different, does it?” Ryne asked, and the Warrior of Light gave a slight shrug of her shoulders, the pair of them peering over at me. 

“Do you need a moment? We can rest here,” the hero said softly, gesturing vaguely at the surroundings.

I swallowed heavily, feeling the Light thrash violently against me, the burning increasing quickly. With a slight shake of my head, I gestured toward the way we came. 

To return to Eulmore. To rest. To figure out how to proceed.

She hesitated, examining me closely before giving me a barely perceptible nod and turning to begin our descent.

I waited for the Scions to follow suit before taking a deep breath and tentatively lifting my foot, feeling as my joints lit aflame from the burden being placed on my very existence. Gritting my teeth, I clenched my hands into fists. If only I could… 

I watched as the Warrior of Light continued to leave, her mood light as she laughed at a comment Alisaie made before she paused in her tracks, the connection between us stretched taut as I failed to keep up despite my efforts. 

As she looked over her shoulder, a shrill shrieking filled my ears. My hand gripped the fabric of my tunic tightly as I narrowed my eyes at the hero, watching her soul for any signs of-

But she was- There was no-

My eyes widened, the creaking growing louder, the pain in my chest increasing a hundredfold as she turned and began jogging back toward me, my soul beginning to buckle under the strain.

 _No_ , I tried to say, the words failing me as I doubled over. _Slowly_ _don’t push-_

Suddenly, the searing heat in my body gathered in my chest. I fell to my knees, my heartbeat erratic in my ears, the creaking and groaning of my soul buckling under the pressure growing in intensity-

My stomach lurched, the agonizing pitch of a splinter forming ringing through my mind. Before I could control it, my soul recoiled, withdrawing from the Light that had caused irreparable damage.

The Warrior of Light gasped, her hands flying to her chest before she fell to her knees beside me, and then onto her side, curling in on herself.

“What- What’s happening?” one of her friends cried as she thrashed against the floor, the Oracle kneeling beside her as I scrambled to gather her in my arms, to try to restrain her as the Light took hold-

“Emet-Selch!” another Scion called, their voice muffled. “What’s happened to her?!”

“I just-” My eyes shot to the sky as it flickered with primordial Light.

“Do something!”

“I need-” I forced a hand onto her chest, starting to lower her from where I had been cradling her in my lap only for her to grab the fur of my coat to stop me. “I don’t know if-”

Panic gripped my mind, my mouth going dry as I beheld her. Every idea I came up with was stalled by the shrieking of her soul breaking to pieces. Every thought cut short by her cries as she writhed in my arms. As the hero’s screams grew, as her soul cried in tandem… the only way was- 

I didn’t have permission to-

 _But it must be done._ The thought was resolute in my mind, clearing my doubts, quelling the shaking of my hands as I placed the hero on the ground. _She must be saved_. 

I began gathering Darkness around us, my glyph appearing over my face. The Oracle quickly crawled out of the way, the stifling aether swirling around the Warrior of Light, coating her, lifting her.

Now all I required was her Constellation, which appeared before me, floating in the air with just the thought of it. I directed it toward her, allowing it to hover above her body as I began channeling my aether within her, watching as her writhing stopped. I leaned over her, my face no more than a fulm away from hers, the pain slipping away as she breathed a sigh of relief.

I knew it would be a delicate process, a dance between combatting the Light and completing the Ascension. I could feel doubt and uncertainty swim at the periphery of my mind, the damage she had sustained drawing them to the forefront. Unsure if I would succeed, I faltered, the Darkness that wildly swirled around us coming to a halt, seeming to simmer just above the ground.

Her eyes fluttered open, and she reached her hand to place it upon my cheek. I gave her a soft smile, trying to reassure her despite the fear that gripped me. With a small nod, she smiled in return.

Did she know? What I intended to do? As I beheld the certainty and trust in her eyes, I steeled myself, pushing my own misgivings aside. 

But before I could resume, I was suddenly torn away from her, roughly thrust backward, my body dragged along the ground by an unseen force until I was several yalms away from the Warrior of Light and the Scions. Her orange Constellation crystal fell from where it hovered, bouncing against the floor before it slid off the platform, pushed aside by the same wave of aether that disrupted the Ascension.

The thrum of a void portal filled my ears, the click of boots ringing out as the Emissary stepped from the portal several steps behind me.

“I thought I sensed an imbalance in the Darkness,” he said, his voice calm as he examined the scene around him. I began to try to stand, pushing off the ground with unsteady arms, my chest heaving as I struggled to recover. “How curious that it would stem from you.”

“I was trying to-” I started, but was cut off when another burst of aether knocking me back onto the floor, causing me to tumble backward toward him. I gazed up at him, watching as he lowered his hand.

“You forget yourself, Emet-Selch,” he said, looking down at me from the corner of his eyes. “You forget your place.”

“Leave him alone,” I heard the Warrior of Light call, her voice weak as I heard her limbs slide across the stone floor. I watched Elidibus slide his attention to her, amusement crossing his features.

“And why, Warrior of Light, would I do that?” he asked as I looked over at her to see her holding herself up on one knee, her hands on the floor in front of her as her chest heaved with the effort it took. I tried to shake my head, to tell her not to interfere, but her expression hardened when Elidibus raised his hand in my direction. “I should destroy him for his insolence.”

“He was just doing what he was told, wasn’t he?” she asked. “By Zodiark? Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been allowed to-”

“You assume much, Warrior,” Elidibus hissed, narrowing his eyes as he lowered his arm to his side. “You think you _know_ of our plans simply because he has overshared?”

“No, I know because-” She finally looked at me, something in my expression making her pause. “Whatever the plan is, it’s clear he hasn’t deviated, or else Emet-Selch would be… he would…”

“Remind me, then,” the Emissary said, looking down at me. “What was the plan? To pull her from Hydaelyn, to make her agree to abandon her course? You have failed to do so.” 

I shook my head slightly. 

“You disagree?” he asked with incredulity. He looked back to the Warrior of Light, her eyes widened. “Look at her, Emet-Selch. She still clings to her goddess just as tightly as she ever has. Don’t you?”

“I…” She frowned as she looked down at the ground. “I admit that I did… consider-”

“Consider, perhaps,” Elidibus mused. “But in the end? Would you give up your ties to your Blessed Mother? To be by his side?”

The Warrior of Light remained silent. She closed her eyes, shaking her head slowly.

“You see? Even now, she adheres to Her, knowing who you are. Knowing what you’ve done for her. But still, she does not waver.” He clicked his tongue. “Unlike you.”

She clenched her jaw, her eyes glued to the ground.

“Hmm,” I heard Elidibus hum from beside me as I struggled to lift myself from the ground. “Perhaps… a parting gift is in order.”

I could make out the telltale hum of his aether churning and lifted my head to see him gathering aether in his palm.

“You mean so very much to him, after all, and with your soul all but shattered, I may as well put you out of your misery,” he said, lifting his hand to aim it at her. I looked toward her, forcing my searing limbs to drag themselves up until I was on one knee. “At the very least, it will spare you the misfortune of having to tell all those souls who counted on you that you’ve failed.”

He let the bolt of energy loose, her friends attempting to cast shields upon her only to have it penetrate with ease. Gritting my teeth, I extended my arm toward her, a barrier appearing for only a moment before it fizzled out. But it had been enough to send the bolt wayward into a column.

Elidibus clicked his tongue, bending at the waist to meet my gaze. He reached a clawed glove to grip my chin and force me to look at him.

“How she has ensnared you,” he lamented with a sigh as he peered down at me, examining me slowly. “Did you even think this through? Sharing just half of your soul, weakening its fortitude for her?”

I averted my gaze and he tightened his grip on my chin, tugging on it to force me to look at him again. 

“Are you in pain?” he asked, a ghost of a smirk appearing on his lips. “You must be, with such a crack across the surface of your soul. What a shame, to spend eternity with irreparable damage incurred for someone who does not reciprocate the same level of dedication. To bring into question your loyalties for her, when she will not do the same for you.”

I narrowed my eyes, feeling the power he held making the air between us vibrate. Power that I could not rival, as drained and damaged as I was.

“No matter,” he said with finality. “You’ve doomed her to a painful death. But worry not, my friend. I will allow you to watch as her transformation takes hold, as she brings chaos to the shard she has tried so very hard to save. A perfect weapon for our cause, you have created in your beloved. Well done.”

He released my chin, opening a current for us beside him. “Come. We’ve work to do.”


	35. Warrior of Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up friendos

Silence descended upon the platform as Emet-Selch cast one last, heartbreaking look at me from over his shoulder and stepped through the portal after Elidibus. 

What had just-

I didn’t understand-

The look on his face, I had never seen before. His mask of cool disinterest had slipped once more. 

The fear I had beheld in his eyes… 

And-and now he was  _ gone _ . Torn away from me so quickly, so easily that I hadn’t even seen it coming. So fast that I was unable to do anything.

I should have...done more. Tried harder. I should have seen this coming when Zodiark had…

I hadn’t done  _ anything _ .

The Light thrashed inside of me, the Darkness he had fused into my body already beginning to wane, and I tried to bite back the cry, trying desperately to not alarm my friends. I closed my eyes as my fingers, already fisted in the material of my shirt, tightened, my knuckles going white.

I released a pained breath, trying to steady myself as the aether continued to whip against my soul, seeking a way in.

How long would it take? How much time did I have left? Without the Ascian’s help, when would I lose this fight and transform into a Lightwarden, unwillingly forsaking my friends, my world, myself? It had almost happened mere minutes ago.

It had only been a matter of time, hadn’t it? Even with his soul holding mine together after the damage the darkness had done, we knew this was temporary. 

And he’d tried to tell me. He’d tried to reason with me. To give him more time to find a solution.

I hadn’t listened and just look where it had gotten me. I had stalled for so long because I was afraid that  _ I _ would be the one ripped away from him. That I would leave him alone  _ again _ . 

But instead...

I opened my eyes and looked down to the platform I was kneeling on, trying to keep my gaze focused- trying to retain a sense of self through the aether trying to change me. A small puddle of bright, luminescent liquid had started to gather under me. I furrowed my brow, shifting slightly to lift my other hand to my face as I felt tears drop from my chin. 

From pain. From despair.

When I pulled my fingers away, they came back shining. 

I was...already turning, wasn’t I? I was mostly there, anyway.

“I don’t-I don’t understand,” Ryne stammered, breaking the silence. “I thought you said the Paragons were all equals.”

“I-” Thancred started. I peered up at him, confusion etched into his features as he tried to rationalize everything that had happened. “I don’t-I thought-”

“The way he spoke of their civilization…,” Y’shtola breathed. The Light jerked in my chest and I bit my tongue to keep from whimpering. Immediately, I sucked in a sharp breath through my nose, my elbow shaking as I fought to stay sitting up. “The members of their council were...equal. But…”

“That look on his face,” Ryne breathed. “He seemed...afraid.”

“I saw it too,” Alisaie chimed in. 

“Something must have changed,” her twin said, thoughtfully. “With the summoning. Something that made Elidibus the definitive leader. Something that….would cause Emet-Selch to-”

Fire exploded in my body as the Darkness fizzled out completely, and this time, I was unable to contain the cry that escaped me. The edges of my vision crackled with white lightning and I threw my body forward as seering bile quickly rose up my throat. I retched out the soured contents of my stomach, spewing the bright Light all over the ground.

“ _ Twelve forfend _ !” The conjurer cried. “She’s turning!”

“Ryne!” the gunbreaker shouted, coming to a sliding stop next to me. “Now!”

The girl’s heels clicked on the ground as she ran to me, the sound and their continuous, alarmed words muffled as my consciousness began to slip from me. 

Strong arms went around me as I began to tilt towards the ground, a cool power washing over me. Relief spread through my body, further coaxing me into sleep. 

I let the tension in my muscles go, letting the Oracle’s calming aether lull me into darkness.

When I woke, I was comfortable. The Light churned, but not terribly rough. It almost felt as if…

Realization struck me and I relaxed deeper into the bed with a lazy smile. 

Gods, what a horrible dream that had been. 

And with the toll the stress of the last few days had taken on us, it wasn’t entirely unexpected.

I sighed contentedly, rolling over onto my side, arm outstretched so that I could wrap my arm around him, fit myself into the curve of his body, where I seemed to fit so perfectly, an apology on my tongue for promising to give him time and then breaking it. To take it back, to tell my friends we shouldn’t go just yet-

Instead, I was met with nothing but the heavy blanket that covered me, the fabric cold and jarring. I furrowed my brow and cracked my eyes open.

He was not there. 

I sat up slowly, my whole body aching, and took a look around the room. 

He could not have gone very far if he was-

But it was empty and still save for Ryne, who had fallen asleep in the chair beside me, leaning forward onto the bed, her head resting on top of folded arms. Dark circles bruised the skin under her eyes and my expression fell, a sense of dread falling over me.

It...

So, it hadn’t been a dream afterall.

All at once, the reality of my circumstances hit me.

Vauthry and...Elidibus. My soul, fracturing into pieces as I began to turn. 

My chin trembled as I thought of how  _ hard _ the poor girl must have been working to keep my soul together after Emet-Selch’s departure. 

I blinked rapidly, as I sucked in an unsteady breath, willing the tears away, though they refused to comply. My eyes darted away from the girl, whose position reminded me of the night  _ he _ had spent in my room, holding my hand so that I wouldn’t be afraid.

I had...pushed him away in the end. We had fought. He was angry with me for insisting we continue on. 

And then…

It was my fault.  _ All of it _ .

I had left him alone prior to the summoning, and because of my selfishness, I had ripped myself from him again. I  _ should _ have listened to him. I had been...so  _ stupid _ .

I pushed the blanket off of me and moved to the opposite edge of the bed so that I didn’t wake Ryne, but the moment I put my feet on the ground and attempted to stand, my legs gave out and I dropped back onto the mattress.

I let out a frustrated sigh that bordered on a cry as my knees shook, even while sitting.

And now I was burdening my friends because I wasn’t strong enough.

How was I supposed to save the world if I couldn’t even stand? How could I  _ ever _ be considered a hero now?

I had let everyone down.  _ Everyone _ .

I closed my eyes, hand flying to my mouth to muffle the sob that escaped it. The water began streaming down my cheeks, my whole body shaking as I tried to keep my cries quiet.

_ Why?  _ Why hadn’t I just listened to him? Why did I have to be so stubborn? Was this...was this how it had been in the past as well? Had he tried to explain- tried to keep me by his side...and I refused?

_ Some things never change _ , he had said to me time and time again.

The pain in my chest lurched and my other hand fisted in the material of my shirt. 

“Oh, [my adorable sapling],” a familiar voice cooed, softly as to not scare me. A hand threaded into the strands of my hair. I leaned into the touch as I continued weeping. “It’s alright, my sweet Warrior. I sensed that you had need of your lovely branch, and here I am.”

I felt the mattress dip with weight as the King of Faeries sat next to me, cradling my head in their hand. I let them lean me towards them, placing my forehead on their chest as they wrapped their arms around me, letting me cry away my despair, until I was raw with nothing left inside of me any longer.

“Better?” Feo Ul asked when I finally sat up, wiping the water from my face. My gaze fell to my lap as the Light continued to churn uncomfortably. They dropped their arms from around me, one hand going to my fingers, still tightly wrapped around the fabric over my chest. My grip eased, slightly and I could feel their eyes looking  _ through _ me, to my soul. 

When I raised my eyes to their face, there was an unmistakable sadness in their expression.

Heartbroken, devastation...pity. 

“Your soul,” they whispered with a shake of their head. “Your beautiful soul. All but falling apart…”

I averted my gaze to the blanket at my side, nodding knowingly.

“Cracked to all seven hells, no doubt,” I sighed.

“Whatever am I to do with you, my precious flower?” I closed my eyes, shrugging one shoulder.

“I don’t even know what to do with myself, I’m afraid.” I felt their fingers under my chin, gently coaxing me to look up again. When I had, the King searched my eyes for a long moment and hummed. 

“Shall I yield up my throne to you?” They asked, tilting their head to the side with a soft smile. “You could come away with me. Cut ties with the mortal world and hide away in the castle…” My lips parted in surprise. “It would not fix all of your problems, of course. But you would be in pain no longer.”

I could feel my face begin to crumple again at their offer. I had let everyone down, and yet they were still here, trying to make me feel better. Trying to help me, to fix me. 

I didn’t understand. Why? Why did they still care about me when I was  _ nothing _ . 

I wasn’t even strong enough to save the one I loved most in this life. In  _ any _ life. What use was I?

“You are lost,” they continued, knowingly. “So very lost and confused. I would gladly surrender my crown and scepter to you...if you should wish it. If only so I did not have to see this look on your face for a moment longer.” Their thumb stroked my cheek affectionately. My brow furrowed as my eyes dropped from theirs again. 

I couldn’t, could I? There was no way I could take them up on their offer, no matter how badly I wished it. I had to see this...to the end. Somehow. To whatever end that awaited-

I paused, my breath hitching in my throat. 

But...the pixies were...immortal, weren’t they? Or, at least, very nearly.

If I became the King of Faeries, I would be too...right?

My life wouldn’t be so fleeting. My soul wouldn’t be breaking. And he could come back. We would have the time to find a solution.

And then-

_ No _ , a nagging in the back of my head said. No, I must continue. I  _ could not _ just forfeit my life to the fae, to let the Rejoinings continue as they were. 

But-

I shook my head, clearing my mind of doubt, then lifted my eyes once more to Feo Ul and released a steadying breath. 

“Okay,” I whispered with a slow nod. “Take me there.” 

The pixie smiled sadly and I realized that they had hoped I would turn them down. But, there was something else there, too. An understanding. That, as far as this had been allowed to go, I likely did not have another choice if I wanted to survive, not without  _ his _ help. 

“As you wish, my beautiful sapling.”

Feo Ul stood from their spot on the bed and quickly hoisted me into their arms, eliciting a small gasp of surprise from me. Their arms tightened around my body, holding onto me firmly. 

“Let us be about it, then,” they said softly. “We shall fix you up nicely and get that soul back to normal again.”

In a flash of light, we disappeared from the room. The next moment, we were standing in the foyer of the faerie castle, the Light shining through the stained glass windows casting brilliant colors onto the marble flooring. 

The pixie set me down, my knees shaking as I struggled to remain on my feet. My arm flew out, reaching for their arm as I felt myself tipping. They helped steady me, their lips pressed into a thin line as they watched my worsening composure, the resolve hardening on their face. 

“Quickly now,” Feo Ul insisted, waving their free hand in the air. 

Titania’s royal items that I had been tasked with collecting appeared in the air before us: the dress, the crown, the scepter, and the shoes. 

I looked up at them as they floated about, bobbing lazily in the air, waiting for me to accept them. The pixie held their hand out towards them in invitation, but I hesitated. 

A feeling in my gut bade me pause.

Was I  _ sure _ I was doing the right thing? 

Surely this would stall my mission. It would put my obligations on hold for...I didn’t know how long, but… I could continue, couldn’t I? When we found a solution to rid me of this incessant aether?

It would be worth it, though, wouldn’t it? 

He could return to me. And if he didn’t have to worry about my wellbeing for the time being…he would have no reason to waver from his course. We could...be happy. For a time, anyway. 

With my decision made, I reached towards the crown as it floated past me. 

But when my fingers were no more than an ilm away from claiming the item, something caught my eye in the window. There was a sharp glare through the glass, like metal glinting off the light of the sun. 

Instead of grabbing the crown, I clicked my tongue, hand instead flying to cover my eyes. But a moment later, the glare was gone, replaced by a shadow as  _ something _ flew overhead, accompanied by the sound of flapping wings. 

I followed the creature as it made its way to the tall doors of the castle and landed with a heavy  _ thud _ . 

I looked up to Feo Ul, who rapped a knuckle against their chin as they looked through the stone that led outside. 

“Oh, Titania, King of the Fae,” a familiar voice called between heavy breaths, muffled through the door. “I come seeking an audience.” 

The pixie next to me hummed at the greeting and waved their hand in the air once more. I tilted my head in confusion as their fingers tightened around my arm, helping to steady me further as the floor rumbled below us, the doors beginning to open on their own.

“This amaro wishes to speak to you,” they explained. I pursed my lips, but glanced towards the entryway.

“Seto!” I exclaimed, my eyes widening. “What are you...How did you even know I was here?”

“I felt your precense,” he panted as I slid my hand out of Feo Ul’s and slowly made my way to him. “I was aware the very moment you returned to Il Mheg.” 

I reached up to the amaro, and he dipped his head down so that I could cup his feathered cheek.

“Are you alright?”

“I am well, yes,” he replied with a slight chuckle. “It has been many years since I have flown with such fervor.”

“But, why-?”

“When I beheld the state of your being, when I realized just  _ where _ you were, in whose company you were in, I felt I  _ needed _ to arrive, post haste.” I furrowed my brow and shook my head. 

“I don’t understand.”

“I must request you abandon this foolish idea.” I snatched my hand back quickly, clenching my jaw. “Please.” 

I averted my eyes to the side before whipping around to make my way back to the faerie, trying my very hardest not to stumble as my knees trembled.

“I can’t.” 

“It will not end the way you think it will.” My hands pulled into fists at my sides as I peered over my shoulder.

“You don’t understand,” I insisted. “I don’t have a-”

“We are defined not by the soul we are born with,” Seto said, lowering his head towards the ground in despair. These words, I recalled. He had...said them to me weeks ago. Weeks that had felt like a  _ lifetime _ . “But the path we walk.” He closed his eyes, heaving a deep sigh. 

“I am  _ begging _ you,” the amaro continued. “Do not follow in Ardbert’s footsteps.” I furrowed my brow. 

“What-”

“I  _ loved _ Ardbert.” He looked back up to me. “But in the end, desperate for a solution, he strayed from his course.”

Slowly, my mouth closed as I listened to his explanation. 

“And because you remind me so much of him, I am afraid for you, Warrior of Light. Even though you are holding on by a fraying string, with naught but an aura of darkness around you to act as glue...I cannot help but think that you are making the wrong decision.”

Silence descended between the three of us as I turned his words over in my mind, pulling my bottom lip in between my teeth. 

He was right, wasn’t he? The bad feeling in my gut told me as much. 

I was being selfish. I was dooming myself and my friends. By making this decision, I was dooming the entire world. The Ascians would continue their work.  _ He _ would...continue, wouldn’t he? No matter his feelings for me...

And no matter how  _ badly _ I wanted  _ him _ back, Seto was right. This was not the way. There was  _ always _ an alternative and I had...given up. 

Finally, I sighed.

“You’re-” I paused.

Wait. He’d said-

“Did...you say...there was darkness around me?” The amaro nodded slowly, eyes narrowing onto my chest. 

“Very faint,” he confirmed. “Barely discernible.”

I perked up immediately, eyes darting to every corner of the high-vaulted room we were in, hope quickly filling me. He was  _ here _ , or at the very least, he was  _ close _ . He was still protecting me. 

“Emet-S-” The Light flared in my chest. I cried out, as I felt the small amount of his aether that I hadn’t even noticed dissipate entirely. Immediately, I wilted to the ground, tears rising to my eyes as the pain intensified. 

“We _must_ _hurry_ , my sapling,” Feo Ul insisted. “You cannot abide the Light for long. You are a Warden now in all but form...and there are only mere moments before the full transformation will take place. _Please_ , take the items.”

I glanced at Seto one last time and exhaled an unsteady breath with a shake of my head.

“No,” I rasped. “Eulmore.” The king sucked in a sharp breath, but moved to gather me in their arms once more without argument. 

“As you wish, my flower.” Even through my building pain, I could still hear the hint of pride in their voice.

In a flash of light, we were back in the room I had once shared with the Ascian. 

Ryne jumped from where she had been pacing, tearing the raw tip of her thumb from between her teeth from where she had been chewing- a nervous habit. 

“You’re back!” she cried, nearly hysterical. Her eyes widened as she took in the state of my soul and she rushed forward as the faerie set me back down onto the bed.

“Quickly, young Oracle,” Feo Ul commanded. 

“No,” she breathed, water filling her eyes as she leaned over me.. “No, no, no, no.” Her voice trembled as she placed both hands over my chest. “You-you were  _ fine _ . And now…”

A light shone from her hands as she attempted to control the violent torrent churning within me. I cried out, my whole body shuddering and writhing as she tried to reign it in. 

“Ryne,” I whined, my voice high and strangled. 

“Urianger!” she shrieked as I rolled onto my side, curling in on myself as the pain lit all of my nerve endings on fire- to the tips of my fingers, the bottoms of my feet...even the ends of my hair felt as if they were standing on end. My jaw clenched as I cringed, closing my eyes tightly. 

The door opened and I heard various sets of feet rush in. 

“I can’t-,” Ryne started again, her voice strained. “It’s not working-”

“Gods,” Urianger breathed after a moment, likely taking in the scene before him. “The Exarch has arrived. Perhaps he will be of some assistance.” I heard steady footfalls come around the bed. The mattress dipped slightly.

“I’m here,” the Exarch’s voice said gently, placing his hand on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and peered up at him through shimmering tears. “I expected the combined power of every Lightwarden would be too terrible for you to bear alone,” he explained. “Especially now, with the additional damage caused by the darkness.” He took a deep, steadying breath through his nose, then exhaled it slowly with a hard swallow. My brow furrowed further. 

“And so, I have taken measures to relieve you of it.”

“What?” Alisaie asked as he stood from the bed, gripping his staff tightly in one hand and raising it into the air. “What measures?” 

A brilliant blue light shone in a dome around the bed. Ryne jumped backwards in surprise, her backside smacking the windowsill, her eyes wide as she carefully watched a circle of aether etch itself into the floor. 

“I will take the Light,” he answered with finality. There were sharp intakes of breath all around us and I struggled to sit up, leaning heavily on one arm. 

“N-no-,” I tried. 

“This was to be used in only the most dire of situations. The absolute  _ last _ resort.”

“ _ Please, don’t-” _

“I will channel its profusion into the Crystal Tower and-.”

“You can’t-!” Ryne argued, though her words came to an abrupt stop as he began channeling his energies. His focus honed in directly on me and I felt the Light slowly begin to drift into the air between us, moving from me and into him. 

The relief I began to feel, it-

“Do not interfere,” Urianger insisted. My gaze slid to him as he attempted to hold Y’shtola back, a deep worry on her face. She looked up to him in surprise, though her expression quickly changed to that of understanding.

“You knew of this,” she concluded, the accusation heavy in her tone as she roughly pulled herself from his grasp. “You  _ knew _ all along what he meant to do.” His eyes fell to the ground with a heavy sigh and he did not bother to deny it. 

“What will happen to him?” Alisaie inquired. The miqo’te closed her eyes, her head dipping down with sadness.

“He means to take the Light into the rift...where he will die.” Her eyes slid open again, her gaze landing on the Exarch. “As he well knows.”

I looked back up to him, unable to hide the sorrow I was feeling. I reached out for him, shaking my head quickly, chin wobbling as water rose to my eyes.

“No, you can’t,” I whined, my voice shaking. ”I can’t lose  _ another  _ for  _ my _ sa-” 

He chuckled quietly as he leaned forward, wrapping his fingers around my hand. 

“Do not think of it as a loss, my friend,” he whispered, a soft smile on his lips that made my tears spill down my cheeks. “And do not worry for me. I will not perish.” My face began to crumple as he tried to assure me, though we both knew he was lying. If  _ I _ was unable to hold the Light with my Blessing, then he certainly would not be able to. “I will simply traverse the rift with my newfound power. Visit various worlds and have  _ my own _ grand adventures, just as I have always wanted.”

He laid my hand onto his shoulder and bent further forward, revealing his face to me for a single moment. My eyes widened as his red gaze locked with mine. 

“G-G’raha-?”

His grin stretched when I called him by name and he tilted his chin up to press his lips to my forehead before pulling away again and straightening.

“You, who I have always admired,” he continued. “Whose strength was outmatched by none.” He breathed a laugh. “This is…” He grunted, his stance faltering as the Light began entering him in waves. He nearly fell to his knees, quickly gripping the mattress for support. “It is my  _ honor _ to be able to do this for  _ you _ . I-”

Before he was able to finish, Ryne gasped, followed by a loud  _ bang _ . 

The Exarch froze, the aether moving between us coming to an abrupt stop.

The room went silent, no one moving until, with a breathy groan, he wilted to the ground. The Light rushed back into me in a single moment, knocking the wind from me. I cried out in pain as I was bathed in a shadow. 

When I looked back up, I found Emet-Selch standing where the miqo’te had just been, his hand wrapped around a long-barreled gun as he frowned down at me.


	36. Emet-Selch

The air was stifling when the two of us emerged from the current Elidibus had created. The humming portal behind us shut with a lazy wave of his hand. I stared at the space it once occupied, my mind racing with panic, my heartbeat pounding in my ears. My every muscle ached, my chest felt as if it was set aflame. And yet, despite the pain I felt, despite the concern I should have for the state of my _own_ soul, all I could do was worry for hers.

Her soul… how would it hold? Would she survive? Would I feel it? The moment it shattered, would I know?

I had to find a way back to her side, to convince Elidibus that this was a task given to me. That this is what was best for the Ascians as a whole. Finally, I turned my head toward him, finding him watching me expectantly.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

His voice was calm. And for some reason, that infuriated me. My nostrils flared.

“ _Why_ did you interfere?” I returned, taking a step toward the Emissary. I could see his lips turn up slightly at my reaction. “Do you have any idea-”

“I do,” he interrupted. “I know exactly what I have done. Not without purpose, Emet-Selch. You, on the other hand…”

“You do not understand!” I shouted, watching as he seemed momentarily taken aback with my forwardness, the desperation clear in my voice. I exhaled sharply, tried to rein in my emotions.

“You’ve always been far too sentimental,” he murmured in response to my outburst. “It was the same with that boy.”

I bristled, clenching my jaw.

“Far be it from me not to believe in your capabilities, but that mortal boy changed your focus. He had you considering their _worth_ ,” he continued. “When they are _worthless_. And thus, I had him removed.”

“I should have known,” I responded through clenched teeth.

“And, look where my actions have brought us,” he said. “With the distraction gone, you set the gears in motion, and we successfully carried out the Rejoining. I have done the same now. If she were to ask you to find another way, to step away from the Rejoinings, you would have agreed.”

“Because Azem would have _wanted_ to search for one, another means-”

“There _is_ no other way!” Elidibus shouted, his voice echoing in the vast Darkness around us. I exhaled sharply once I had collected myself from the surprise at his outburst.

“I almost _had_ her-”

“You had _nothing_ ,” he retorted harshly. “She had _you_.”

“Elidibus, you don’t understand,” I repeated, and he scoffed as he turned from me, beginning to walk away. “Even _I_ don’t fully understand. He _allowed_ the Ascension- He- this was what He _wanted_ -”

The Emissary paused in his tracks.

“Zodiark _allowed_ the Ascension?” he asked, peering over his shoulder at me. 

“Yes,” I confirmed, clenching my jaw as I watched a myriad of emotions cross his face before he turned toward me again, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Explain how you’ve come to believe such a thing.”

I hastily recounted recent events. How I had doubted Zodiark and considered an Ascension at the Ladder and subsequently been punished. How Zodiark had taken a semblance of control mere days earlier. How I had, in a moment gripped with panic and fear, been calmed by a resolute decision that saving her above all else was paramount. 

“When I considered it, the punishment did not come,” I stated, watching his expression of mild surprise shift to understanding. “This time, Zodiark had permitted it.”

“He intends to claim her for His own,” Elidibus murmured, bringing a hand to his chin. “Likely to do with the fact that your soul and hers are so intertwined. Because you will never be _completely_ loyal so long as she is not on the same side.”

“That’s not true, I-” I faltered when Elidibus held his hand up to silence me.

“It matters not,” he continued. “You wavered; that much is undeniable, but I should have expected it given the nature of the bond between you. Zodiark’s claim is incomplete, but having her alongside you will eliminate such uncertainties.”

I looked down at the ground, my stomach churning with nervousness at the prospect of claiming her for Zodiark, of freeing her from Hydaelyn only to have her claimed again. Would he enthrall her to ensure I did not stray?

“Very well,” he sighed, and I looked up at him. He regarded me with something akin to pity, a glimmer of understanding in his eyes. “You may save her.”

I felt the tension in my limbs leak out, and I sank to the ground.

“Just know,” he continued, taking slow steps toward me. “That the only way that remains is to face her.” 

“But-”

“She cannot be freed from bonds she refuses to forsake, Emet-Selch. She has made it clear that she will not part from Hydaelyn. We could force her, of course, but would you _want_ to? She would grow to despise you.”

“I know,” I lamented with a small nod. He placed his hand on my shoulder.

“Defeat her. Free her soul from that vessel so that it may return to the Underworld to be repaired with the next Rejoining,” he said.

He gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze when I tensed at the realization that he intended for me to _kill-_

“When she is gone,” he continued, despite my body nearly screaming in protest. “When the Warrior of Light no more, the Light will be freed. It will choose one of her companions, who will undoubtedly be by her side. The imbalance will be restored.”

“Is there no other way?” I whispered, my hands coming into fists on the ground.

“This is the solution I give you, Emet-Selch.” He released my shoulder, took a step back. “I have tried to give her a merciful death, but you stopped me. Now I leave it to you.”

Thousands of thoughts swam through my mind, trying to decide if this was the only way, if there was anything else I could do, if I could possibly-

“Also, I cannot help but notice that you have gone against the Convocation’s wishes,” he muttered with disdain, tearing me from my thoughts. “In order to carry out an Ascension, you must have created her a Constellation.”

I sighed, nodding my head. “I did,” I confirmed. “Eons ago.”

“I suspected as much, based on our previous conversation on the topic.”

“I will accept whatever punishment you deem necessary for such a transgression,” I said, averting my gaze back to the ground, steeling myself for whatever retribution he felt fit the crime.

“Is this not punishment enough?” the Emissary asked, barely above a whisper, prompting me to return my gaze to meet his. “What we have discussed will be difficult for you, Emet-Selch. But when you succeed, her soul will rest. She will be preserved. And when she is reborn, we can try again. Mold her from youth. Free her before the grasp of the Mother grows too strong. Claim her for our cause.”

Relief washed over me at his words. I knew, of course, that he was correct. He had never truly led us astray, despite my misgivings about some of his methods… this was what _Zodiark_ wanted.

I slowly came to a stand, my expression hardened as I forced down the affections I felt, pushed them aside for what I knew was the best option I had now that she had proven she could not change her course.

“I understand,” I said firmly. “I will do what I must.”

“ _And_ ,” he started, his tone firm and unyielding. “You will get rid of that stone.”

When I emerged from my portal into the bedroom of the recreation of Amaurot, I immediately fell back onto the plush mattress behind me. I stared up at the canopy above, my mind spinning in circles. 

I placed my hand on my chest, rubbing through the material at a deep soreness that would not ease. I frowned, stilling my hand to halt the motion. The damage to my soul must be extensive, then. Enough to affect me physically.

Sighing through my nose, I played back my memories of our time together on this shard, trying to discern if there was a singular point in which I erred, a moment in time which I could pinpoint was the point of no return. The point that, had I chosen differently, perhaps I could have saved her.

And yet, try as I might, I could not find one. Every single step I had taken had, every choice I made… would have led right back to this moment.

Because her decision to carry on, to finish her mission regardless of the cost, would have been the same with or without me. 

I sat up slowly, slumped over as I looked down at my gloved hands. 

Could I return to her side? Would there be a way to push her to face me if I allowed her close to me again? 

I shook my head, exhaling a deep breath as I brought my hands into a tight fist. I would not fail again, and allowing her near me, to cloud my judgment with my affections for her would only end in failure.

This time, I would save her. No matter the cost.

In the silence and isolation deep in the depths of the Tempest, I knew I had no other choice. I would have to become the villain she and her companions had expected me to be when I first approached them all those weeks ago. I would have to force her hand.

The thrum of my aether filled the air, a portal opening before me as I stood. With a deep breath and a nod to myself, I walked through, entering the area between dimensions, where I could watch her from a distance, wait for the proper moment to appear to her again.

What I observed was a scene of chaos. The Oracle of Light frantically attempting to hold the Warrior of Light’s soul in once piece, tears streaming down her face as her hands shook, outstretched before her.

The hero thrashed, gritting her teeth as her hands grabbed the sheets in fists, the sky alternating as the two of them danced over the line between normalcy and ruin. 

I stood beside the Oracle, holding my hand toward the Warrior of Light, infusing a steady stream of just the smallest amount of Darkness within her to slow the torrent that whipped across her fragmented soul. Just enough to forestall the progression, to allow me the opportunity to bring her to meet me at the end. It would fizzle out before it could be noticed, unseen to the untrained eye.

Finally, the sky held steady, awash with rays of Light as far as the eye could see. The Light, while now stable, could no longer be contained.

The Warrior of Light sagged into the bed, her hand splayed across her chest. Her chest heaved as she gasped for breath before she slipped into a deep slumber. I watched Ryne deflate into the chair beside the bed, her face pale from the fear that had gripped her, her hand reaching to hold the hero’s as the two of them shared a brief moment of respite.

I reached further, tentatively reaching my hand to hover above the Warrior’s cheek, wondering if she was in tune enough with the Echo to sense me, even if she could not see me. Could she feel me when I was this close?

Sitting atop the bed, I let my hand ghost along the curvature of her cheek before leaning down to press my lips to her forehead. I could feel a whisper of her skin against them, the barrier between dimensions preventing true contact. My memory likely filled in the gaps.

I remained by her side until she awoke hours later, standing from the bed as she roused from sleep, looking around with confusion until realization dawned on her expression.

I watched as her heart broke before me, tears streaming down her face as she sobbed silently to prevent alarming the young girl still asleep by her side. A glimmer of Light filled the room as the king of the Fae popped in, comforting my beloved in ways I no longer could.

What annoyance I felt for them from our previous encounter, I felt fizzle away. They allowed her to cry until she had no tears left within her, offering her a means of escaping her fate that I hoped she would turn down. And when she accepted, I was filled with insurmountable anger. That she would give up so quickly, that she would quit without a fight. But interference now would amount to nothing, would only complicate matters further. This much I knew. 

If she were to accept the throne, she would remain upon the First, and my only job would be to usher in the Rejoining. As opposed as I was to this misguided solution, it would certainly solidify my next steps for me.

I followed her through to Il Mheg, watching as Titania offered forth their throne to the Warrior of Light. A means of salvation from certain destruction. I held my breath as she prepared to accept the first item, sealing her fate and trapping her upon this shard-

An old amaro came forth to speak to her, a companion of the previous Warrior of Light. He spoke to her honestly, earnestly. Made her realize the error of her decision, made her realize she was forsaking her mission.

I clenched my jaw as he commented on the Darkness around her soul, the amount I had applied mere moments prior in my frustration just enough to allow it to be discovered. Immediately, as she looked around for me, knowing the implication of such an observation, I withdrew.

How could I convince her that she would have to face me if she knew without a doubt that I continued to protect her?

She crumbled to the ground nearly instantaneously, only to be returned to the Oracle’s side. 

Ryne panicked as she could barely hold the pieces together, but with so many watchful eyes on the hero’s soul and aether, I found it too risky to intervene again. Not yet. If things continued to spiral so frighteningly close to destruction, I would.

But when the Exarch arrived, set on extracting the Light and taking it with him and the Crystal Tower into the Void…

This I absolutely could not permit. It would save her, that much was true, but it would leave her soul in shambles so she spent the rest of her days in agonizing pain. Likely to suffer in silence. 

The only way to save her from such a fate was to defeat her in battle and free her soul from her vessel to allow it time to rest in the Lifestream. And upon the Rejoining, it would be repaired, restored to its former glory, fortified and strengthened by the return of a lost fragment.

And so, as I emerged from my vantage point between dimensions, waving my hand to conjure forth a gun, a plan began to take form. A way to enact that which I had been tasked with, to bring her to bear her arms against me. 

I raised my arm, taking aim. Before the Exarch could meddle any further, before he could doom her to a life no one should be forced to live, I pulled the trigger.

The room stilled following the Exarch crumpling to the ground. I stepped up to him, looking down at him with as much hatred as I could muster, considering the future he had almost resigned the Warrior of Light to.

Then, I slid my eyes up to the Warrior, watching as her eyes widened. I wanted nothing more than to reach for her, to wipe the trails the tears had left on her cheeks. To place my soul around hers and ensure it would not shatter as it threatened to.

“What… have you done?” Ryne’s quiet voice broke the silence. Her eyes widened as she looked down at the Crystal Exarch with her jaw dropped.

The sound of the Warrior’s soul struggling to maintain its form filled the air, audible only to me, and I heaved a sigh.

“I very well couldn’t have him taking all that Light to Zodiark knows where, now could I? It would have been a waste of all of our effort,” I replied, looking down at him. I heard the shuffling of feet around me, looking up from the corner of my eye to see weapons having been drawn. “Ah, I would stay put if I were you. Your friends are still alive, but only just. Whether or not they remain as such is up to you.”

The Scions scowled at me, Thancred’s brow furrowed as he watched the scene play out. 

He lowered his arm from the hilt of his weapon. I saw his gaze flit to the drawer, the earring still within. A corner of my lip pulled up. Good, he remembered.

“Was this your plan all along then?” Alisaie asked bitterly. “To push us to the edge, to have us scramble for a solution only to yank it from our grasp?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “No, it was not. But it certainly is the plan now. You see, only those with the Royal Eye of the Allagan imperial line are capable of controlling the Crystal Tower. Such individuals do not exist upon the First.”

I slid my gaze back down the Exarch, whose breathing was shallow but steady. 

“Therefore, in all likelihood, your friend arrived here _with_ the tower. This much I had surmised, had even confirmed through conversations with him, but I could not discern his grand scheme. It seems it was not as complicated as I believed it was. How boring.” 

I sighed, raising my hand and snapping, the Exarch’s body vanishing as I transported it away.

“What do you intend to do with him?” Alphinaud asked, take a step toward me, his anger palpable in his every word.

“I have naught to show for all the time and effort I invested in the lot of you,” I replied. “He is a small token for my troubles. There must be something I may glean from the wealth of knowledge he hoarded for his precious hero, after all.”

Before they could respond, the Warrior of Light doubled over, coughing violently into her hand. When she pulled her hand back, a luminescent liquid spilled onto her lap.

I hummed, taking slow steps toward her, letting my aether churn up around me, its tendrils reaching every corner of the room, keeping the Scions at bay despite their renewed vigor to stop me from reaching their champion.

I tuned out the sounds of their struggling, ignoring their cries to leave her alone. When I reached her, I placed my hand under her chin before gripping it and tilting her head up to meet my gaze. At the contact, my aether filled her body, dimming the Light, eliminating the tension the bled into her every limb as she struggled to hold herself together.

“What a disappointment you turned out to be,” I murmured, watching as her eyes widened, tears welling in the corners. I ran my thumb along her bottom lip, swiping the iridescent remnants of that which she had released from her body, the beginnings of her turning. “I put my faith in you. Let myself be swayed; let myself falter. And in the end, you refused to join us. A pity and a waste of our time.”

When I roughly released her chin, she looked down at her lap before looking up at me, her glimmering tears spilling forth, leaving a shining trail that sparkled in their wake.

“Are… you alright?” she asked me, scrutinizing me.

My eyes widened slightly before I took a step back from her. 

“You truly are lost, aren’t you?” I asked, shaking my head. “You are a sin eater in all but form, and yet, in your final moments of consciousness before you fade away to engulf the world with your Light, you worry for _me_?”

“They… didn’t hurt you, did they?”

“The only one to hurt me, Warrior of Light, has been you,” I replied coldly, averting my gaze out the window. “Since I have been shown the error of my ways and have ceased foolishly coating your soul, to essentially sunder myself for your benefit alone, I am well.”

“That’s good,” she whispered, and I looked back to see her holding her hands in tight fists at her sides, holding the bedcover. I scoffed, huffing a humorless laugh. 

“Might I make one final suggestion, hero?” I asked, waiting for her to look up at me before I continued. “Worry about yourself. I did not ask for, nor do I want your concern.”

When she did not respond, I sighed, pulling my aether back into my body. 

“It seems I have overstayed my welcome,” I announced, looking at the Scions in turn. “I pity you, Warrior of Light. Your friends are now your foes. If you do not kill them, they will be forced to kill you.”

When I looked back at her, her arms were wrapped around her chest. Her breathing was labored as she tried to hold back whatever emotions were roiling inside her, the Light erratic as it pushed against the Darkness I had infused in her to help hold her mind intact for just a short while longer.

“When it all becomes too much to bear, seek me out at my abode in the dark depths of the Tempest. I’m sure you’ll find it familiar.” Her eyes shot up to mine as I opened a portal beside me. “There, I will allow you to complete your transformation and maintain some semblance of what’s left of your dignity.”

“And what will _you_ be doing until then?” Y’shtola asked, her eyes narrowed when I looked toward her.

“If I’m truthful, I have no idea,” I remarked, placing one foot within my portal. “Which is unfortunate for both parties involved. I detest little more than an ill-formed plan, and this will make me terribly unpredictable.” I tapped my chin before stepping in and looking over my shoulder, the portal slowly closing behind me. “Allow me to give you a small hint: I will endeavor to usher in the next Rejoining. Best of luck.”

When I emerged in the Bureau of the Architect, Hythlodaeus was waiting for me. He crossed his arms over his chest. 

“I sent our wounded _guest_ to the infirmary,” he said, his tone dry as I nodded my head stiffly. “Really, Hades-”

“Just leave it,” I muttered, turning away. “There’s much you do not know or would understand, so spare me the lecture.”

He hummed, in the same way he normally did when he did not believe what I was saying, but otherwise remained silent. As I began to leave the building, heading toward the infirmary, I could hear his footfalls behind me.

“And what of Azem?”

I stopped mid-stride, looking down at the ground.

“I saw her when you brought her,” he explained, coming to stand beside me. “I can only imagine it must be difficult for you that she has been Sundered, but is also falling apart. Such an incomplete soul could not hope to hold such a volume of aether-”

“A result of her own machinations, I assure you.”

“I would expect nothing less,” he replied. “So? What will you do?”

“What I must, my friend,” I sighed, taking slow steps forward with Hythlodaeus at my side.

After making arrangements to have the Crystal Exarch brought to my office once he had been sufficiently healed, I returned to my vantage point between realms. 

The Scions were seated as they watched the Oracle of Light continue to steadily attempt to further stabilize the hero’s soul, a sheen of sweat on her brow as she focused intently on her task. While it was clear to me that she had accomplished all she could, I could not help but admire her tenacity.

As the days passed, a similar scene would play out. One by one, they would come to check on their hero, and one by one, they would turn in for the night until finally only Thancred and Y’shtola remained. With each passing day, I watched the Darkness I had left for her steadily dissipate, increasing the effort needed to stabilize the Warrior’s crumbling soul.

“That’s enough for tonight, Ryne,” the miqo’te said softly one night, placing her hand on the young girl’s shoulder. “It seems better than before. You’ve done well.”

“Do… do you really think so?” Ryne asked in response, her eyes sad as she examined the sleeping Warrior of Light.

Beside her, Thancred nodded, draping the quilt on the chair by the window over her shoulders. “She’s sleeping well now. You should get some rest. Do you want me to have someone bring you an extra blanket?”

The young Oracle shook her head, pulling the knitted quilt tightly around her body as she curled into the seat she was sitting upon with a yawn.

“Alright,” her guardian said, patting her head gently. “We’ll see you in the morning. Make sure to sleep.”

“I will,” she mumbled, her eyelids already slipping shut with the relief she obviously felt at the two Scions’ reassurances that she had improved the Warrior of Light’s circumstances.

Eventually, the pair left the room, leaving the door cracked open behind them. I watched as they finally turned in for the night, waiting for the whole of the Scions to fall asleep before I emerged from my portal beside the Warrior’s bed.

The Oracle stirred in her sleep, no doubt sensing my aether, and I quickly placed a hand on her shoulder, casting a strong sleeping spell on her until she fell back into a deep slumber.

When I turned my attention back to the Warrior of Light, she was also reacting to the energy shift in the room, whimpering softly as she curled into a ball on her side. As I sat beside her on the bed, she furrowed her brow, her mind beginning to rouse. 

Before she could fully awaken, I placed my hand on her shoulder, casting the same spell I had on the Oracle, forcing the hero back to sleep. As much as I wanted to speak with her, to reassure her that we would be fine, that I would ensure she would make it through if it was the last thing I did… I knew my priority was to make sure she had no idea I was here.

Slowly, I scooped her into my arms, carrying her over to the chair she and I frequented in a time not long ago, though it felt like an eternity had passed since then. As I looked down at her sleeping face, its pallor striking compared to how well she used to appear, I felt my lips turn down into a frown.

My gaze slid down to the center of her chest, taking in the cracking soul within, watching as it seemed as if the edges disintegrated slightly with each beat of her heart. With a slow, shuddering exhale, I buried my face into her hair.

“ _Is this not punishment enough_?” Elidibus had asked me, and finally, I understood why. He knew what such a task would entail, the extents I would have to go through to succeed. I shook my head as I clutched her sleeping form closer to my chest, her consciousness trapped by the sleeping spell so completely that she did not react as she normally would have with my motions.

My shoulders shook as silent sobs wracked my body, my tears flowing unbidden despite my attempts to calm myself. No matter what I tried, I could not stop the torrent of sorrow that overwhelmed me. 

How had things ended up this way? That I would be forced to convince her that I was her enemy, to make her detest me when I wanted nothing more than to hold her in my arms like this?

When I finally pulled back, I took a deep breath. I slowly reached my soul for hers, ensuring I used just enough to prevent further damage when I made contact. 

I knew I would have to repair her to some degree if she was to hold on long enough to survive her journey to the recreation. The Darkness had served to bolster her, but it worked as a double-edged sword, weakening her fortitude in the same moment it offered transient protection.

And... if I repaired too much, the Oracle would surely notice, so I should likely leave the exterior as it was. 

As I reached deep within her, I slowly pushed aside her soul's uppermost layer to try to reorganize those beneath. The damage ran deep, down to the very core of her soul, that much I had known, but when I finally beheld the extent, I could feel my vision blur with fresh tears.

That she had suffered so much damage and continued to hold her head high, that she did not complain of the severity of her pain when this must be more than excruciating… it was no wonder she sought the relief becoming the king of the Fae would provide. _How_ could Hydaelyn allow her to continue forth? Knowing _exactly_ what Her champion was going through?

The hours passed as I slowly reconnected pieces that had been separated from their origin, the bustling sounds that came with the change of the guard alerting me that my time had almost run out. Gently, I replaced the outermost shell of her soul as it was, its every crack and crevice ingrained in my memory as it flickered with each breath she took.

“I’m so sorry, my love,” I whispered down at her, raising my hand to brush her hair from her face. “How I wish we could be back in Amaurot together, meeting in the courtyard of Anyder between lectures again.”

I slowly stood, making my way back to place her atop the bed, to cover her in the blanket as she had been before my arrival. 

Running my thumb along her cheekbone, I nodded, steeling myself. My hand slid down to grasp the small stone of her earring, infusing the slightest amount of aether into it, to prolong its usefulness before I finally stepped back, withdrawing my soul from around hers.

“I will make it right,” I said to her, cupping the side of her face, leaning down to press my lips to her forehead. “I promise. Whatever it takes.”

When I pulled back, I glanced over my shoulder to see Thancred rising from his bed just down the hall, my time all but spent. I looked back at the Warrior of Light, the faintest of smiles spread upon her lips. 

“I hope… you will come to forgive me someday, my beloved Azem,” I whispered to her, summoning a portal behind myself. “When you learn the truth, I hope you understand.”

I stepped back into the channel back to the space between realms, waving my hand to reverse the effects of the sleeping spell just as the portal snapped shut in front of me.


	37. Warrior of Light

When Emet-Selch had departed once more, taking the Exarch with him, Thancred pushed through the crowd of Scions as they were frozen in stunned silence, rushing to my bedside. 

Agony lit anew in my chest and Ryne quickly lifted her arm, attempting to use her power to quell the writing in my chest. She uttered a frustrated groan, a sheen of sweat on her brow as she struggled to hold on to what little control she had been able to obtain.

“I can’t...for much longer-” 

Her guardian roughly pulled open the drawer of my bedside table and released an unsteady breath as he peered inside of it, something akin to fear on his face. He pressed his lips in a firm line and swallowed hard, then reached for whatever it was that had been left there. 

I furrowed my brow, trying to focus, trying to get a clear view of what he produced between two fingers. Through my blurred vision, it looked like jewelry-

My eyes widened as Thancred turned to me.

“I’m...going to put this on you,” he said slowly, handling the trinket cautiously.

“But the Darkness-” Y’shtola attempted, to which the Hyur shook his head as he sat on the side of my bed.

“He-Emet-Sech told me,” he started, leaning over to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. I felt a tug on my lobe as he removed the earring that was already there. “That...he did not know how the future would play out. And he would...leave this here.” He slid the jewelry into my ear. “As a very last resort.” 

I felt it thrum with the Ascian’s dark aether for a moment before it began spreading through me, calming the Light inside of me. The relief was immediate, and I slumped into the bed, the tension in my muscles easing. 

Ryne released a pained sigh as she lowered her hand. She wobbled on her feet and Thancred quickly reached out to grab her before she fell. He sat her down in the chair. 

“Alright?” He asked as he leaned over the chair, pulling her long hair over one shoulder as he inspected her. The girl nodded as we both swallowed down large gulps of breath. 

“Water,” she rasped. He nodded and straightened, looking about the room for a pitcher. I followed his gaze as I grounded myself, attempting to calm my body. Urianger had busied himself with pouring two glasses, then handed them off to Alphinaud, who rushed to the fore. 

As the twin handed Ryne a cup, Thancred sat on the edge of the mattress once more to help me sit up. 

When my own glass had been handed to me, I downed most of it immediately, splashing the rest of it against my face to help cool me off. 

We all sat in silence for a long while, my friends waiting for the both of us to recover. 

“How are you feeling?” Y’shtola asked finally, breaking the silence. While the others had found seats around the room, she had crawled into bed next to me a few minutes before, laying my head on her shoulder, and began brushing her fingers through my sweat-dampened hair. I sighed through my nose.

“Weak,” I said quietly, shame filling me. I couldn’t walk, couldn’t even  _ stand _ on my own. I was useless. 

She rested her cheek on my head, her motions in my hair pausing as her arm fell around my shoulders, gripping my arm assuringly. 

“But manageable,” I finished, though I was not altogether sure it was true just yet.

I felt her nod against my head.

“What do we do now?” Alisaie asked, the tone of her voice sad, confused. My eyes dropped to my lap as I clasped my hands together.

“We...take Emet-Selch up on his offer,” I said with finality. 

“Is...that wise?” Alphinaud inquired. “Given...given the state of your-”

“Do we have a choice?” The twin closed his mouth, furrowing his brow in thought. I sighed again. “He’s...taken the Exarch. And I think that...Zodiark has taken him completely. He-I don’t think he’d be saying the things he had if…”

“If he wasn’t a thrall,” Thancred finished for me. “Like those tempered to Ifrit at the Bowl of Embers.” I nodded my head in confirmation, though my chin trembled at the thought.  _ I _ had damned him to this fate.  _ I _ had made him waver, and this was the price we both had to pay.

“But he...seemed himself,” Alisaie began, looking around the room with a furrowed brow. “From the way you speak of enthrallment, it’s as if they no longer have a mind of their own. But, Emet-Selch...”

“A couple nights ago there was...an incident,” I explained, cutting her off. “Zodiark...took advantage of his feelings for me. He seemed normal, but the way he said the things that he said was...off. Just like today.”

“But, why would He…?”

“Punishment,” I said, though my voice faltered, breaking as tears rose to my eyes. I swallowed down my sob and Y’shtola’s hand tightened around my arm. “For defying Him.”

“And you want to try to help him,” the miqo’te guessed. 

“I  _ have _ to.” Her breath caught.

“How?” she whispered.

“I...I don’t-”

But, I  _ did _ know. 

My friend’s head lifted from mine as she glanced to Urianger, whose jaw clenched. 

“It’s impossible,” Thancred offered. “You know that as well as I. Those soldiers were put to death. There was no saving them from their horrible fate.”

“I have to  _ try _ ,” I insisted forcefully, the dam on my emotions breaking, the water welling within my eyes finally falling down my cheeks, dripping off my chin. “And...and if it doesn’t work, then I’ll have to…”

The Light churned uncomfortably, pressing hard against the Ascian’s aether. I sat forward, hugging my legs to my chest as I buried my face between my knees and my chest. 

“This is all my fault,” I sobbed. 

“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself,” Thancred insisted, but I shook my head. “No one could have known-”

“No, I…” I heaved a wavering sigh. “I didn’t listen to him and now…”

“Please,” Ryne implored, her voice quiet but desperate. “Please don’t feel this way. If we had waited longer, the damage he would have incurred would have  _ ensured _ we would fail.” I lifted my head, peering over to the Oracle. She looked at me, her eyes sad. “Going when he was at nearly full strength was...our best chance.”

“Alright,” Y’shtola interjected softly, reaching with her free hand to swipe my tears away. “There is no sense in working ourselves up. It will only cause the Darkness to dissipate faster, do more damage. For now, you should rest, my friend. We will revisit this again when you’re rejuvenated.”

I inhaled a steadying breath as she began to pull away. I nodded as I blew it out of my mouth, forcing my muscles to ease. 

After a few more minutes, with the exception of Ryne, they all left to go about their days.

For the next few nights, as I floated between sleep and consciousness, unable to rest for more than a few hours at a time, I was plagued with nightmares- the scene playing over and over in my head. I watched him ripped from my side again and again, taken by Elidibus to the Void...to be completely consumed by Zodiark and His lust for power. 

I often woke shouting, drenched in sweat, scaring the poor girl who hardly left my side.

My days were spent in the company of my friends as I attempted to pull myself together. It was hard and I was scared. Terrified of what I would find when we finally made our way to the Tempest. To...the city. 

But I did it. For myself, for my friends, I slipped the mask back over my face and gave them an air of confidence as I began walking on my own. The Darkness may have been damaging my soul more but...if this worked...it would be worth it. I would go to my death willingly, so that he could be  _ free _ . 

A few nights later, as I settled into bed after a long day of planning rescue operations for the Exarch- going over different scenarios and possibilities, I felt a sense of calm wash over me, a feeling I had not experienced since Emet-Selch’ departure. I could not explain it, but I found, after many restless nights, the call of sleep was too difficult to resist.

And the dreams I had… They were familiar, but not the usual nightmares that seemed to fill my mind as of late.

Nostalgic. 

Memories?

My soul eased as I wandered about the courtyard of the...what was the name of this place again? 

I couldn’t…

A call from behind me, muffled, but in a timbre I recognized. I spun around, a wide, bright smile on my face as  _ he _ approached, a mask covering his face, the hood of his robe covering his hair, and yet I would know him  _ anywhere _ .

I opened my mouth to greet him, raising my arm to wave, but suddenly the scene before me fractured and changed and I paused, my face falling. 

Before I could stop it, he was gone. I was standing in the sand at the bottom of the sea. The building ahead of me was a shadow of what it once had been, broken down and overrun with sea life. Sahagin and other various creatures walked its premises as I slowly made my way through, nothing more than a ghost. 

My mind lit with recognition, then. 

This place...wasn’t  _ just _ familiar. I  _ had _ seen this place before. That night...this place had been in  _ his _ memories. 

He would come here, alone in his anguish.

I froze mid-strike, realization smacking me in the face.

Wait, was he-?

I tried to stir my body, but after long, stubborn moments, I gave up. It seemed to be a useless attempt. With a sigh, I dropped my eyes to the ground.

_ No _ , I thought. Of course he wasn’t. What a moronic thing to consider. No matter how badly I wanted him to be there with me, if he was truly enthralled, the likelihood of that was...

I clenched my hands into fists, shaking my head to clear my mind of those thoughts and looked towards the door of the run-down building. 

There was a reason I was here, a reason my mind wanted me here. Wherever  _ here _ was. If it could help me in any way, then I should take the opportunity before I roused.

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for whatever I would find inside, and headed for the door.

When I finally woke, I felt...better. Better than I had in  _ days _ . And well-rested. Odd.

Ryne was still at my bedside, sleeping soundly in the chair next to me, just as she had done every night since our  _ victory _ on Mt. Gulg. 

As I began to rise from my bed to prepare for my day, my mind snagged on the dream I’d just had. That place, that...well, I didn’t know  _ what _ it was, or what secrets it held, but…

It was here, on the First.  _ Actual _ ruins of Amaurot, deep under the sea. The  _ same _ sea as the recreation, I was sure. 

I placed a hand on my chest, exhaling slowly. Something inside of me... _ wanted _ to go there. I felt it tugging on me, from deep within...a small nagging in the back of my head all but screaming at me to go.

Could we...find it, somehow? 

Those crystals I saw as I walked through...could they somehow provide us with...answers? Hints?

How would we find it?

I turned the question over in my mind many times as I bathed and dressed, and when I joined my friends for breakfast, I explained to them what happened. They were receptive to going, if only because of my insistence, before we confronted Emet-Selch in the city. 

Now, I only prayed that we would discover it easily and...that we would truly find something there that would help.

A few days later, the Scions and I ventured out to Lakeland, slowly making our way to Kholusia and the storm-ridden seas of the Tempest. In the early afternoon, after a good few hours of walking, we broke for lunch, deciding to set up a small picnic in the grass at its peak of a small island a malm or so off the shore. 

As I ate my sandwich, I peered around at our surroundings, examining the island. I had never truly had time to take in the sights of the First. But after a moment, I paused, noticing a large formation of rock that was in the shape of a horn that sat ahead of us. I tilted my head to the side, something about its appearance striking me as...familiar. I stood from my seat on the ground next to Ryne and wandered closer to it.

“What is it?” The Oracle asked a few moments later.

I hummed, kneeling down on one knee and putting my hand on the ground. My eyes widened and I snatched my hand back.

This was-

“What did you say the name of this island was, again?” I looked over my shoulder towards Urianger, who seemed to be the most knowledgeable about this shard.

“The island of Ken,” he began. “But the lore of the pixies refer to it as...an ancient deity.” I stood, spinning around to face him fully. 

“Which?”

“Bismarck. Surely, you recognize the name, the selfsame title of the primal revered by the Vanu Vanu in the Source.” The expression on my face, whatever it was, caused Urianger to lower his food and mimicked the same movement I had just done. His brows shot up. “Of course.”

Immediately, he stood, quickly moving towards the horn. And when Urianger uttered his name in the language of the Fae, the island shook and responded in kind. My mouth dropped open. So, it  _ was _ Bismarck. Perhaps he could be of assistance, instead of us...diving down into the roiling waters.

The elezen was in agreement and explained our mission to him- what we needed, what we were looking for. The whale acknowledged he knew of the place. The conversation took a turn for the worse, however, when he refused to bear us to the ocean floor.

After a moment of deliberation between us, I decided to call upon Feo Ul, to see if they, as Titania, would have any sway with the deity. 

And before we knew it, Bismarck had lifted himself into the air and was flying straight for our destination, using his breath to disperse the water around the ruins so that we would be able to breathe during our journey. 

The sahagin that had taken over the grounds were easily dispatched, having been caught unawares by our arrival. We scoured the building, inside and out, until we came to a tall set of double doors that I had not been able to pass through in my dream. 

With a grunt of exertion, Thancred pushes the doors open to reveal…

What...was this?

Tall, hooded figures. A group of them, their robes the same I had seen in many of my memories. But they...didn’t look  _ real _ , their outlines fuzzy as they spoke, as they moved. 

And they were speaking of… Hydaelyn and Zodiark and...the Convocation?

Of...

“ _ What? _ ” Y’shtola breathed next to me, her eyes rapidly examining what...seemed to be a projection before us, gleaning everything she could before it ended. “The...heart of Zodiark?”

We all heard a frustrated groan from beyond the figures. 

“ _ Who are you? _ ” 

Immediately, my hand flew to my weapon, my friends following suit.

“ _You who doomed the world?_ _Why can’t I…_ ”

Whoever was on the other side clicked his tongue after another moment. 

“Away,” he said forcefully. With his words, the scene before us disappeared entirely. Elidibus stood on the other side, his mouth turned down in a deeply annoyed frown as he pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh. “The  _ moment _ I recognize-”

He paused, lowering his hand as he looked up. I could see his body go rigid for half a moment when he realized he was not alone. A second later, he regained composure and I furrowed my brow.

He hadn’t noticed our arrival.

“Did we catch you unawares?” Thancred asked with an incredulous huff. “Consider me surprised.” The Ascian’s eyes narrowed in on the hyur. 

“What have you done with Emet-Selch?” I asked, my voice echoing around the room. He tilted his head towards me then, a small smile creeping onto his lips.

“Nothing,” he replied simply, putting his hands on his hips. “What he has done is of his own accord.”

“He...But he said he had been  _ shown _ the error of his ways. Surely you  _ must _ have-”

“Ah, but he says a great many things, does he not? Which of them are true, I wonder?”

I clenched my jaw, hand tightening around the hilt of my weapon. 

He...he hadn’t lied, I told myself. He  _ wouldn’t _ \- 

Elidibus grinned.

“Did you know, Warrior, that I spoke nothing but the truth that fateful day atop Mt. Gulg? From the very beginning our plan was to turn you- to get you to forsake your ties to your  _ beloved _ Mother so that we could claim you for our own.” He hummed, his smile turned pitying. “How long did he string you along, I wonder? Something for you to ponder, I suppose, with the remainder of your short life.”

“You’re lying.” His grin widened.

“Am I?”

I took a step forward, pulling my weapon from its sheath.

_ No _ , I said to myself, forcing myself to stop short. He was doing this on purpose. 

I swallowed hard, pushing the thought from my mind for the time being, trying to stay focused on the task at hand rather than give Elidibus the satisfaction of seeing me doubt myself. 

“What...what was that we just saw?” I asked, motioning to the floor between us, trying to deflect, to move away from a conversation I was not ready to have or even consider. 

He, too, was here for a reason, afterall.

Under the mask, I saw his eyes flick to the device that stood next to us before back to me as he lifted his hand, rubbing his chin with a claw-tipped glove, likely debating what he would tell us.

“Nothing of import,” he settled on. I raised a brow.

“It seemed…” I sighed, relaxing my hands and my stance. “If it was not important, why are you here?”

His jaw ticked and he heaved a deep sigh through his nose.

“You are well-versed in memories these days, Warrior of Light, are you not?” I tilted my head in confusion and he clicked his tongue again, shaking his head in disappointment.

“A record of the past, Warrior. I know being sundered makes you inferior but,  _ please _ , do  _ try _ to keep up.”

“But if it isn’t important, why were you watching it?”

“Just because it is of no value to  _ you _ does  _ not _ mean it is of no value to  _ me _ .”

“But...who were they?”

“Those figures you saw as you entered were those that were responsible for putting the world as it is,” he spat. “For the summoning of your Hydaelyn.”

_ Who are you?  _ The words echoed in the back of my mind.

“You...don’t remember,” I surmised. He averted his eyes to the side. “Do you?”

“Regrettably.” My lips parted as I watched his reaction, my face falling, a feeling resembling pity blooming in my chest. 

“Being forced to fight for... _ thousands of years _ and...you don’t even  _ remember _ ?”

He opened his mouth to respond, but closed it quickly, hands balling into fists at his sides.

“What is it about  _ you _ , I wonder?” he muttered. 

“What-”

“That’s  _ enough _ ,” he snarled. My mouth snapped shut and I blinked in surprise at the hate that suddenly coated his tone. With a wave of his hand, the projector next to us sprung to life, but the scene was not the same one we had seen when it entered.

It was...Emet-Selch?

“A parting gift,” Elidibus said from beyond. “From my own memories.”

The next moment, I watched him walk through a portal and was gone.

_ “What, exactly, was your plan?” _

My eyes shot to the projection once more.

_ “I i _ ntended _ to distract her, possibly turn her away from her cause on the First. To seduce her so thoroughly that she would let her defenses down and we could be rid of her, either by her demise or by joining our side. Obviously, I did not consider the  _ possibility _ that  _ her soul _ would be within  _ Hydaelyn’s _ champion.” _

I had known, of course. He had told me this had been his plan from the start, but that things changed when he had learned the truth of my soul.

Why did Elidibus choose this-

_ “And what will you do now? She must be stopped regardless of who she once was.” _

_ “It seems as good a plan as any now. The more time I am able to spend with her, the more opportunities I will have to sway her.” _

The breath left my body, the Light riling up in my chest, lashing out against the Darkness.

I-

He-he knew and still he-

My hand flew to my chest, bunching the material of my shirt so tightly my knuckles turned white. I wilted to the ground, knees giving out from under me. Tears filled my eyes. There were quick footsteps behind me, hands on my shoulders.

“Are you alright?” Alisaie asked, though I barely heard her, my mind spinning as my heart ached with betrayal.

Elidibus  _ hadn’t _ been lying and I-I had fallen for-

More words were exchanged. Words I did not care to be privy to. 

Shortly after, the memory ended. 

“Don’t jump to conclusions,” Y’shtola instructed, as if she could read my mind. 

She knelt beside me now and I looked over at her, and I was sure my face looked just as helpless as I felt. She smiled sadly, reaching to tuck my stubborn lock of hair behind my ear.

“It could have been...completely fabricated.” I averted my eyes to the ground. 

“Do you really think that?” I inquired. “Or are you just saying that for my benefit?” She was silent for a long moment before she coaxed me to stand.

“Why don’t we go and ask him?”

I pulled my bottom lip in between my teeth. 

Perhaps she was right. And even...even if it  _ did _ happen, maybe Zodiark was…

With a nod, I Iet her help me up, releasing my lip.

Either way, whether I was able to save him or if he forced my hand...

This had to end.

We made our way back out to the courtyard, though we had no real idea where we were headed. I had seen the city, of course, but...I wasn’t sure how to get to it.

After hours of aimless wandering, we finally stumbled upon a settlement of sahagin- though this time they were friendly, they were not very forthcoming. The chieftain  _ did _ mention an  _ illuminated land _ , and I could only assume he meant Amaurot, but otherwise we were unable to glean anything else.

It was decided that while Y’shtola poked around the Tempest floor, the rest of us would do what we did best- help the beastmen with whatever they needed. We had disturbed them, afterall. 

And  _ finally _ , our work paid off when we were told of a great trench to the west of the settlement.

We departed for the city, and when we arrived...it was just as breathtaking as it had been that day from the balcony. This time, however, it made me sad. 

Would...would he be the one to leave or...would I?

“This was...built of  _ his _ aether,” Y’shtola commented as we stood atop the great chasm before us. I glanced at her sidelong. “So intricately woven, I can perceive each window, each spire...even the designs inlaid in the doors…”

My eyes slid back to the city, recalling the conversation I’d had with him the day he showed it to me. So, he  _ had _ changed it. So  _ my  _ friend could...appreciate it in full. 

We came to a stop at a lift- far more advanced than the Ladder. And it... _ recognized _ me.

Once we were admitted, we talked to a giant, similar in looks to the figures we had seen in the projection. It spoke in a language that was familiar, yet...unlike anything I’d ever heard before. It also, much to my chagrin, seemed to think we were  _ children _ . 

When it had walked away, Urianger and Alphinaud concluded that it was a  _ shade _ \- just as the city had been reconstituted, so too were some of its people. With that knowledge, we agreed to split up and talk to those we could to pinpoint where the Ascian was hiding. 

On my own, I did not extract much information that Emet-Selch hadn’t told me himself. Or...that I hadn’t seen for myself.

After a while, I stumbled upon the Bureau of the Architect and I perked up. He was…

Alas, I was barred from entry. 

I met back up with the Scions to discuss our findings, though most of their findings, too, had not been of use, with the exception of Thancred and Ryne. 

We split up again- my mission, to head to the Bureau of the Administrator to obtain something called a  _ writ _ , for permission to enter the Capitol building. I was easily able to receive the required documents with naught but my name and sent on my way to the Bureau of the Secretariat.

I handed my papers over once I arrived and was told to have a seat.

And once I had climbed up one of the large benches, I sat with a heavy sigh, slumping against the back of the seat. 

My body ached. The Light churned, and I was unsure how much longer the Darkness would remain.

Had that been the plan, then? I wondered, bitterly. If I refused to turn from my duty, to wait it out? Hide away until I turned into a Lightwarden and wreaked havoc on the shard?

Usher in the next Rejoining?

I closed my eyes, hand rubbing my chest.

Why leave the earring, then? Did he still feel some sort of affection for me? To give me the mercy of a less-painful transformation?

I opened my eyes again, water welling within them. 

How could he...He had been  _ so _ convincing. And I knowingly fell. For him. For his plan.

Was it...really his plan? Or had Elidibus lied? 

I did not want to believe it to be true, but...

I heard footsteps approaching and I roughly wiped the tears from my eyes, thinking it was one of my friends, done with their task. 

However, when I looked up, a tall, robed shade approached. I thought for a moment it would pass by but instead, it paused and leaned down towards me.

“...May I?” 


	38. Emet-Selch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I'm sorry.
> 
> Art for this chapter by Nashoki can be found ->> [Here](https://twitter.com/nash0k1desu/status/1323663008678121472?s=20)

“She is here,” Hythlodaeus’ voice chimed from behind me.

“I know,” I whispered, gazing into the large mirror ahead of me, the image reflecting the room with its vaulted ceilings, the large windows allowing the eerie blue of the undersea waters to creep in. The walls were lined with books, stacks of them spread along the floor.

Research I had long since abandoned. There was no other choice now.

“I met with her in the Bureau of the Secretariat,” he continued. “Though I am sure you witnessed the conversation for yourself.”

I shook my head slowly. 

“In truth, I could not bear to watch it.” 

Two old friends reunited again, but one did not remember. When I saw no spark of recollection in her eyes, I opted to monitor elsewhere, to check in on the Scions as they wandered the city instead.

“She is… angry,” he stated after a moment, no doubt surmising my reason for missing the conversation. “And hurt.”

“She should be,” I sighed. “I have betrayed her trust in the worst of ways. And Elidibus certainly did not help matters, showing her an out of context conversation in those ruins.”

I glanced over my shoulder, watching as Hythlodaeus approached me. He hummed, observing me cautiously, trying to decide what to say.

“I would think you would find Elidibus’ actions to _be_ helpful,” he finally settled upon. “Given what you intend to do.”

I nodded, looking back to the mirror before me, lifting my hand to snap, the image shifting to show the Crystal Exarch resting in the infirmary. 

“An interesting device,” Hythlodaeus commented, standing beside me as I hummed my affirmation. I had created it based on the one in the Crystal Tower. A useful means of observing without having to traverse to and from the rift. He examined the miqo’te through the projected image. 

“He is stable. I have seen his progression for myself,” he said, and I nodded my head. Of course he visited, as kind of a soul as he had been. A comforting detail I made sure not to miss. “The healers did well.”

“That’s good.”

“One would think since you injured him in the first place, that you would not care for his recovery.”

“He is someone she cares for,” I murmured with a shrug as I snapped yet again, the image in the mirror changing to show her exploring the city, speaking to the denizens, and aiding them in whatever way she could to obtain more information. “It was the least I could do for her.”

“Even if she will not _know_ you have done it?”

“You believe me to be doing the wrong thing,” I stated with a sigh. “Your tone makes it obvious.”

“I do not claim to know what the correct path is, Hades,” Hythlodaeus replied sadly as he placed a hand on my shoulder. “But I know you do not make such a decision lightly. Then again, I am merely a Creation, so perhaps I only agree because you wish me to.”

I tensed, my lips pulling down into a frown. I had not intended for any of the shades within the city to realize that they were mere recreations, but it had seemed… with a single fleeting thought, I had made Hythlodaeus’ recreation cognizant of this fact. That he would maintain the same level of warmth toward me without any bitterness was a testament to his kindness.

“It’s the only way,” I finally said, letting myself relax as I tried to continue to force myself to push any emotions aside, to embrace the cold numbness I had trained myself to maintain. “To save her.”

“Are you certain?”

I glanced around the room, looking at all the books I had read since I left her side. 

“I have found no evidence to the contrary. She is a Lightwarden now in all but form. To free the Light-”

“It will be difficult for you, my old friend,” he insisted. “This will not end well. If you survive, you will carry the guilt of destroying her for the rest of your days.”

“She will be reborn, Hythlodaeus. Repaired by the Lifestream and the Rejoining.”

“Perhaps,” he replied, “But it is not her soul that you love.”

I clicked my tongue, crossing my arms over my chest. “Don’t be absurd. Of _course_ it’s her _soul_ that I-”

“You saved _her_ friend’s life,” he interjected. “The Warrior of Light’s. Is that not proof enough?”

I sighed. “You are looking too far into things, as usual.”

“You gave her your earring,” he added and I scoffed.

“As if that trinket means anything anymore. I _had_ to,” I replied instantly, looking at him with an arched brow. He tilted his head at me. “As a means to contain my aether to counteract the Light.”

“Any earring would suffice, but _that_ earring, the one that represented your union with Azem… to part with it is not something you would have taken lightly. No matter how badly you want to tell yourself otherwise.”

I did not respond, knowing any justification I would try to give would easily be refuted. He was right, after all. I had given her the earring hoping it would spark recollection, hoping it would bring her to remember us as we were. 

And then… seeing her with it on, her soul reunited with the gift she had given me when our souls were irreversibly bonded… I could not bear to see her without it, nor could I bring myself to wear it again until I was sure I had saved her.

When I looked away from him, he chuckled softly.

“You always had a penchant for sentimental gestures.”

I snorted, turning toward the door, gesturing for him to follow me. “Is it sentimental if she does not understand the significance?”

He hummed from behind me. “Who exactly are you trying to convince?”

We made our way to the infirmary, the hero’s excursions drawing her to the other side of the city. As we walked in silence, I could feel the shade’s desire to say more, to speak his mind. 

I sighed, my patience wearing thin as the nervous energy between us continued to grow with each step. When we finally walked into the room the Crystal Exarch was being treated in, I looked at the recreation of one of my dearest friends.

“You are uncharacteristically quiet,” I remarked. “Which means you have something to tell me, and you are unsure how I will react.”

He shifted his feet, then folded his hands into the sleeves of his robes with a nod. 

“When I spoke to her, there was… another soul beside her. A faint fragment that I could just barely discern.”

“The Warrior of Light of the First,” I replied. Though I had never been able to see him for myself, it would appear he truly did exist. 

“You know of it then?” Hythlodaeus asked and I nodded slowly. “I wonder if, perhaps, the alternate solution to your plight lies with this fallen hero, this fragment of her soul that lingers upon the shard.”

I looked to him for clarification, but before he could elaborate, the Exarch groaned from beside us, and the two of us turned our attention to him to see him opening his eyes. 

I examined his wound carefully as he took in his surroundings. It was nearly completely healed, but his aether was still trying to recover, its flow irregular and sluggish. Likely from the distance to the Crystal Tower. He blearily looked around the room before his gaze landed on me.

Immediately, he tensed and forced himself up onto his arms to sit up and scoot away from me.

“Be at ease, Exarch,” I sighed, holding my hands up in surrender. “I will not harm you any more than I already have.”

He narrowed his eyes, looking around the rest of the room. Beside me, Hythlodaeus cleared his throat.

“This is the infirmary within a recreation of the city of Amaurot,” he explained. “You were brought here at Emet-Selch’s behest, to tend to your wounds before you are reunited with the Warrior of Light.”

The Exarch slowly returned his gaze to us, lingering on Hythlodaeus for a moment.

“You are a recreation as well,” he remarked, his voice hoarse, and the shade nodded. 

“I am perhaps the only one cognizant of the reality of my existence, so I ask that you do not say such a thing to any of the others.”

The miqo’te nodded his head in return, his gaze shifting toward me.

“Where is she?” he asked, sitting up further, still trying to distance himself from me as he looked around until his gaze landed on his staff in the corner of the room. I could practically see his mind churning as he tried to discern how to retrieve it. “The Warrior of Light?”

“Within the city limits,” I replied, looking in her direction, watching the beacon of her soul flickering in the distance as its integrity waned. My efforts to bolster her soul were wearing thin. “I will go to her soon.”

“And then?” 

“And then... there is something I must do.” Beside me, Hythlodaeus’ shade sighed.

“Must you?” he asked, and I looked toward him once more. “I wonder and worry about your motivations, dear friend. This is... sudden and I cannot help but wonder if perhaps your desires are being guided by another.”

My eyes widened slightly, my jaw clenching. The Exarch hummed, and in the periphery of my vision, I saw his hand go to his chin.

“You suggest that Zodiark has swayed his decision. This change of heart,” the miqo’te said. Hythlodaeus nodded. “In truth, I assumed he had been acting under the command of Zodiark the entire time.”

“No, it was not long ago that he was willing to sacrifice his own soul for her, and now...”

I clicked my tongue in annoyance, frustrated at the intense scrutiny of my decisions. They did not understand. They _could not_ understand. It was not that I would not sacrifice my soul for her. If I knew she could be saved and restored without the death of her mortal vessel, I would not hesitate. 

But now… with the confirmation that the hero of the First’s soul still lingered...

“This is something _I_ have decided that I must do,” I finally said. “To save her soul, to preserve the Warrior of Light, and restore her through a rejoining.”

“Ah,” the shade said, triumphant in his tone and posture. “There it is.”

“What is it?” The Exarch asked.

“To save the star. Preserve it. Restore it. The mantra of those upon the Summoning of Zodiark,” Hythlodaeus said. “Perhaps there is some merit to my theory then.”

“Even if there was merit-”

“We have company,” Hythlodaeus said then, looking toward the doorway. I followed his gaze, narrowing my eyes, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. Sensing my confusion, he raised his hand to point to the foot of the bed. “Of the same hue.”

I nodded my head with understanding. Continuing this conversation would allow the fragment of her soul to listen to the rest and discern my true intentions. 

“My apologies, I am unsure how long it has been here,” he continued. I shook my head.

“It’s fine. She approaches the Capitol regardless,” I sighed, opening up a portal in front of me. “Time to play my role in the grand finale.”

“Wait.” I looked over my shoulder to see the Exarch shifting to try to stand from the bed. “What do you intend to do?”

I sighed, looking back into the black void of my portal, glancing at the foot of the bed from the corner of my eye. If he still remained and came to understand the truth and subsequently revealed it to her, it would ruin all the pieces I had carefully put into place leading up to this moment—this singular chance to save her. 

“He intends to face her,” my friend replied when I did not, and I could feel the Exarch’s aether surging with his desire to protect the Warrior of Light. His staff shook in the corner of the room, seemingly eager to return to its master.

“You claim to care for her soul, but wouldn’t it shatter from the strain of combat?” he demanded, the weapon finally lifting from the ground to soar toward him. 

A barrier formed around us, separating me from my exit. I sighed, shaking my head, my gaze still trained ahead into my portal before I willed it shut, it’s hum abruptly coming to an end.

“If you destroy her, then what will become of the Light? What will happen to this shard? I will not allow the Eighth Calamity to come to pass again, I will-”

“Careful, Exarch,” I threatened, looking over my shoulder at him, my own aether beginning to swirl around me. “I may have made preparations for your recovery, but I will not hesitate to incapacitate you again if you try to stop me.”

“The Light… It will seek a new host,” the shade murmured. “Unless she expends it. In either scenario, neither of them will leave the encounter unscathed. Either emotionally or physically.”

“There will not be a new host,” I replied with finality, waving my hand to conjure the small orange Constellation I had created for her. I watched realization dawn in the Exarch’s expression.

“Then… you intend to…” he breathed, his eyes wide. He slowly lowered his weapon.

“This is something I must do,” I repeated, reaching forward to pluck it from the air. “Something I have been tasked to do.”

“Hades, such volume of Light is not to be underestimated,” Hythlodaeus warned, understanding in his voice as he, too, came to realize my new plan.

“When she expends it, I am sure you will know,” I said quietly, holding the stone out toward him, waiting for him to accept it. “Once that happens, I will need you to bring her here to him.”

“But… will she withstand the strain?”

“The stage has been set,” I replied. “All I can do now is hope that everyone plays their role.”

“And what of this stone?” Hythlodaeus looked down at the intricately woven crystal, his thumb brushing along the surface. 

“I leave that up to you. You may give it to her yourself, or leave it for her to find… so long as she receives it.”

“It is suffused with much of your aether,” he observed before looking away from it to meet my gaze. “What will it do?”

“What I was unable to,” I replied. “If she finds herself lost, I hope it will help her find her way.”

“Are you certain this is the only way?” 

I shook my head, looking toward the Capitol, watching as the bright Light indicating her location approached.

“I- I don’t know but-” I sighed, reopening my portal and taking one step into it. “Time has run out, I’m afraid. I will not let her perish. If this is how it must come to pass to ensure her livelihood, then… it must be done.”

When I emerged from the portal to see her entering the Capitol, she came to a slow stop. 

“This really is unacceptable,” I said, watching as her eyes narrowed. “I gave you very specific instructions. My invitation was for an abomination, ripe with the power to bring about the world’s annihilation.” I sighed, shaking my head. “Not this half-broken… _thing_. Whatever am I to do with you?”

Her expression fell with the harshness of my words, her gaze averting to the ground. 

_No_ , I pleaded, my heart clenching. _Don’t wilt under the pressure, my love. Stand strong as you always have. Show me all that I have come to love about you._

“And I see you insist on keeping the same familiar company. Are you so lost without them?”

“It is not _she_ who is lost without the familiar,” Y’shtola responded bitterly. “Not content with remaking an entire city, you aim to refill it with the reconstituted souls of the dead.”

“Did you not appreciate my handiwork then?” I asked, feigning sadness. “A pity. After I put so much effort into ensuring you would enjoy yourself. But yes, I will admit I did get a little carried away. Added some… unnecessary flourishes.”

I watched as the Warrior of Light returned her gaze to mine, her expression hardening. When she demanded that I return the Exarch, I refused, stating I needed his knowledge for the Ardor, that I would harness it to further our goals. 

I continued to goad her, continued to remind them of what I once truly believed of them. That they were selfish, that they would never do what we had done to save the star.

That I had spent eons alongside them and seen history repeat itself. That I had experienced disappointment at their hands time and time again. That even now, they prove that they continue to repeat the same mistakes. 

“You cannot be entrusted with our legacy,” I concluded, locking my eyes with hers. “I will bring back our brethren.” Her breath caught, she took a small step toward me. “Our friends. Our loved ones.”

Turning away, I began to head toward the double doors, only to have Alphinaud call my name. I paused in my tracks.

“We understand,” he started. “Truly. But it makes no difference. The ones you love are in the past. While ours are in the present. We share your convictions, and that is why we will not abandon our course.”

My hands came into fists at my sides. The one I love simply chose to continue to fight on the wrong side.

“You think us the same? You think your tattered soul of equal worth to the ones _I_ lost?” I looked over my shoulder to see them staring at me with mild surprise. 

“Then come, _earn_ your place,” I continued. “Prove yourself _worthy_ to inherit this star.”

The doors opened, revealing the fiery recreation of the Final Days beyond. 

“Behold, the coming oblivion. ‘Twas the end of our era, and the beginning of our great work,” I said. “A fitting backdrop for your final judgement.”

I turned away, facing the flames. “I will await within, but don’t spend too long on your preparations. There’s no telling how long the guest of honor will last.”

Before they could respond, I walked into the flames, leaving the door open for the Warrior of Light and her companions to follow. I watched from my place between dimensions as they progressed through, combatting the beasts that had brought endless terror to Amaurot in its final days.

And while I had certainly not made them exactly as strong as they once were, even as fragmented as she was, she still persevered. How different would the end have been if she had stayed?

Would we have lost as many as we had if she had remained by our side?

I watched as she combatted the Therion, her face lighting with recollection as she first spotted the monster that plagued her nightmares. 

She had originally seen upon her return to the crumbling city. Her attempts to find another solution had failed, and she came back to a city in ruin, burning down as ash and blood rained down upon it.

We embraced briefly before I was needed to enact the Summoning, and I could still hear her voice echoing through the city as she shouted for me, trying to pinpoint my location fast enough to stop us, her uncertainties and fears well-founded now that we knew the true result of our actions.

When she emerged victoriously, I revealed myself fulms ahead of her.

“Your performance was underwhelming,” I announced, blasting the party with a wave of dark aether, just enough to recoat her soul as the last bit in the earring faded from the strain of combat. “I remain unconvinced of your worthiness. The gulf between us is a reflection of the disparity between the world as it was… and what it has become.”

I watched as they struggled to get to their feet, panting from the exertion of the recreation they had just traversed. 

“The Rejoining... Do you really intend to follow it through?” Alphinaud asked. 

“Without hesitation,” I replied after a scoff. “If I have not already made it abundantly clear to you, then I’m afraid understanding its necessity is beyond your capabilities.”

“Could you... Perhaps help us understand?” Ryne asked, sadly. “You told me- If you care so deeply for her-”

“Ah, don’t misunderstand,” I replied, looking the Warrior of Light up and down. “She is but a shade of who she once was. I cared to preserve her for the soul within, with the hopes that she will survive the coming calamities to hold her current state, but now that she has stubbornly spat at my attempts to save her, my original goal of protecting her soul will have come to fruition."

“But you told me that her soul was-”

I clicked my tongue. “How do I make you understand that I said a great many things to make you trust me? Are you truly that dense?”

She was correct, this young Oracle of Light. I did care for more than her soul, just as Hythlodaeus had said. Seeing her again, beholding the shattered remains of her soul, made me realize that it was not the loss of the soul itself that I feared, but the loss of the Warrior of Light.

She looked down, shaking her head. “I don’t understand-”

“Allow me a moment to paint a picture for you, then. You and yours are strong and intelligent. You all have brilliant ideas, create magnificent things. And then suddenly, for no logical reason, everyone you once held dear has turned into... insects. You are given the option then, kill the insects. Remove each one, and your friends will return.”

“And our sentience means nothing?” Alphinaud asked. “You said previously the Ascians do not consider us alive, so do you share the sentiment?”

“Your sentience comes at a cost that is the equivalent of having a brilliant partner die and be replaced by a being whose crowning glory is learning to use a chamber pot,” I spat. “You cannot compare what you believe you are capable of to what you once were undeniably able to achieve.”

“And we are the insects then?” the Warrior of Light asked.

“Semi-intelligent, somewhat powerful and marginally innovative ones, but yes, hero,” I confirmed. “You are the insects.”

I watched anger flare in her eyes, her hands coming into fists at her side.

_Yes. Grow angry. Face me with the rage that I incite with all of my lies._

“I thought you cared about me,” she said through gritted teeth. “I thought you even reciprocated the love-”

I cut her off with a cold laugh, despite the ache that filled my chest with her words. 

_I do care about you_ , I wanted to say. _This has all been for you. To save you._

No matter how badly I wanted to admit that _this_ was the farce, _this_ was the act… to sweep her into my arms and tell her how I felt… in order to successfully push her to the point to save her...

“You thought I could love _you_?” I asked, incredulously, watching her eyes narrow despite the tears that welled in her eyes. 

_I do love you, my dearest hero._

“A fragmented, broken shade? A paltry excuse for the one I once cherished above all else?”

_How I wish I would have told you._

“Why do you think I never said it? Do you really think I felt anything for you?”

Her eyes fell to the ground, her stance tense, her breathing heavy and uneven.

_That's right, hero. Hate me. Hate me with all of your being._

“You... used me,” she whispered, her head shaking as her eyes clenched shut. I watched Ryne reach her hand to place it upon the hero’s shoulder only to have her jerk away from the Oracle.

_I would never. All I wanted was to save you._

“Did I? Who was the one who came seeking me out and nearly threw herself at me in the boughs of the Greatwood? _You_ used _me_ , Warrior of Light. For whatever pathetic excuse for companionship you appeared to need.”

_All I wanted was to protect you. I can still do that. Here. Now._

“It was all too easy to distract you,” I continued, taking slow steps toward her. “To push you from your task until you fell apart as you have. Thancred was right about me. Perhaps you should have listened. Now all that remains is to destroy what is left of you.”

I watched as she appeared to process my words, meeting my gaze while searching my eyes. She shook her head, disbelief evident in her expression as she tried to rationalize all that had happened. 

“No, you… you were protecting me,” she said. “Ardbert said- And- You used the Darkness, you left the earring-”

“Listen to yourself, Warrior of Light!” I called, mirth in my voice despite how badly my heart ached, no matter how my eyes stung as I fought against tears that threatened to surface as I watched every bit of affection I had nurtured slip away, fading out of her eyes. “Listen to how pathetic you sound. You thought the Darkness was a means to soothe you? How foolishly trusting of you. I have been chipping away at you this entire time.”

She shook her head again. “You weren't doing that on purpose,” she insisted, her voice cracking. 

_I wasn’t, you’re right. I only wanted what was best for you and I was led astray. But I will fix it now, I will right my mistakes._

“I saw your eyes that day-” she continued, tears sliding down her cheeks. “When you were telling me… everyone _saw_ you.”

 _Please, hero_. I clenched my jaw, exhaled sharply through my nose. _Please stop. Don’t choose now to doubt my words._

“A scheme. All of it,” I replied, my lips curling up into a smirk. “I am an Ascian, after all.”

“No,” Ryne lamented, shaking her head. “You protected her from Elidibus- You did all of this for her, you’ve damaged your _own soul_ -”

“And it delayed you, did it not?” I asked in return, watching as the young Oracle’s eyes widened. “Sent you on a wild chase into the depths of the sea for memories and secrets, an explanation for my heroism. Meanwhile, we continued our task. Meanwhile, we continued to prepare your beloved Source. It's only a matter of time now... all that remains is to release her Light, and Black Rose-”

“No, you are _lying_ ,” the Warrior of Light said, her voice pleading with me, her hand over her heart as she gripped the fabric of her armor into her hand. “You... that night. You said it was warm. Like a blanket-”

“Oh, poor hero,” I cooed, tilting my head. “Heartbroken because she fell for the machinations of an Ascian. I did try to warn you, did I not? Not to make assumptions. That we would face each other in the end. But you did not listen. You assumed I was genuine, you assumed that I truly cared.”

My resolve nearly crumbled at the disappointment that welled in her eyes. I steeled myself, looking at the Scions in turn, taking in the doubt and uncertainty that swelled in the air. 

To solidify how they felt… to change their opinions of me completely… 

“Do you know what I intend to do next?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. “I will fulfill my duties, nurture the remaining condition for the Ardor. With your death, one of your friends will turn into the Light Warden.”

Her eyes narrowed. Her hand skirting toward the hilt of her weapon.

_Yes, that’s it. Draw up your arms against me. I will save you, my love. At the cost of my own life, I will make sure you are well._

“Perhaps it will choose the Oracle of Light herself,” I mused, bringing my hand to my chin, tapping my index finger against my lips. “In fact, I will kill the Scions before I kill you, and spare the girl. Let her become the one to destroy her own home.”

“I won’t let you do that,” she nearly snarled, her anger bringing the Light to flicker violently within her, her hands finally gripping the hilts of her weapons. “I will stop you.”

“Will you? You have never bested in a spar, Warrior of Light. Disappointed me to the very end.” I grinned, letting my aether gather around me, holding my hand out as I had the first day we had trained together, to invite her to duel. “Do your best, Champion of Light. Perhaps you will provide me with some modicum of entertainment, here in your final moments.”


	39. Warrior of Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know those cutscenes that warn you it's going to be a long one? You should probably get comfy.
> 
> Also, you see that big ole bolded tag that says Major Character Death? Yeah.

I narrowed my eyes, looking straight ahead at Emet-Selch as he spat his vitriolic words, my hands clenching all the tighter around the hilt of my weapon.

How had I allowed myself to fall for his tricks? I had been warned time and time again not to trust him. I had even told myself that I  _ couldn’t _ afford to be manipulated by him and his kind.

And despite it all, I still let myself fall. I had let it happen.

A thought in the back of my head still nagged at me, however, that  _ perhaps _ this was  _ all _ Zodiark’s doing. That he wouldn’t be saying  _ any _ of these things if he wasn’t tempered. Afterall, the memories weren’t fake- they couldn’t have been. The Echo peers into the very depths of the soul, and you can’t just….fabricate memories, can you?

But he...had an answer for  _ everything _ . All of our arguments, easily explained. 

I didn’t know what to-

“Best hurry, Warrior of Light,” the Ascian teased, voice full of condescension, jolting me out of my warring thoughts. “The time you have left to remain standing is waning with every moment you hesitate.”

The Light within me thrashed wildly against the Darkness surrounding it, desperately seeking a way out. When it could not find an opening, it pushed back against my very soul. I cringed, hand flying to my chest as my knees wobbled, a small whimper escaping me. As tumultuous as it was now, it felt as if it were fracturing my being.

No matter what I felt for him, it seemed, did not matter anymore. I had to be rid of this-

Ahead of me, the Ascian clicked his tongue a few times and shook his head. 

“How disappointing. Are you even able to lift your weapon,  _ hero _ ?” 

My jaw clenched, fury igniting in my chest once more in response to the way he said  _ that _ word. Taunting, full of contempt. My eyes burned with unwanted tears. With an unsteady breath, I released my shirt and began sliding my weapon from its sheath.

If he would force my hand, fine. This was the end he wanted,  _ fine _ . This was my fault, afterall, and now I needed to make it right.

_ Please! _

A familiar voice in my ear. A glowing figure appeared next to me. 

“Stop,” Ardbert pleaded. “This isn’t-this isn’t right.” I paused for a moment before I rolled my eyes, hands dropping from my weapon. 

“This isn’t  _ right _ ?” I scoffed. “Coming from  _ you? _ ” 

Emet-Selch paused, faltering for a moment as his eyes slid to the space next to me, though I was sure he was still unable to see Warrior of the First. 

“ _ You _ ,” I spat as I turned to face him, fingers curling into the material of my shirt, so tight my bones ached as the remaining Darkness within me waned. “Who told me from the very beginning not to trust him. You should be  _ gloating _ at how pathetic I have become.” 

Ardbert shook his head, shooting a glance at the Ascian before locking eyes with me. 

“No,” he insisted. “No, I do not take enjoyment in seeing you this way. Something is wrong about this. I overheard-”

“I don’t care. It no longer matters.”

“ _ Please _ ,” he started again. “Just listen-”

“No!” I shouted with finality. His mouth snapped shut. “I-”

The dark aether within my chest shattered then. Without a distraction from my soul, it turned the Light free to envelope me in its unnatural fire. Free to take me and mold me and turn me into the most powerful Lightwarden that had ever been seen. Free to consume the First and usher in the next Rejoining.

With a loud, pained cry, I fell to one knee. Searing bile rose up my throat. Tears filled my eyes again, so hot I thought my eyeballs would burn right out of their sockets.

Ardbert shouted my name, but I could not answer. Another cry slipped from me, though quiet and strangled this time before I doubled over, spewing the contents of my stomach onto the purple crystal below me. 

In front of me, I heard the Ascian take a step forward, but when I peered up at him, Ardbert’s boots obstructed my view. The Warrior of Light quickly knelt in front of me, examining my face carefully with concern and panic written all over his.

“What do I- How can I-” 

He reached out his arm, hesitating for half a moment as he clenched his fist and relaxed it, debating whether or not he wanted to attempt to touch me.

His eyes widened, lips parting. Through the pain in my chest, I felt the pressure on my skin as his fingers curled around my shoulder. 

Immediately, a bright light shone in the corner of my eye. My gaze slid to where we were connected. 

What- 

Ardbert breathed a laugh. When my eyes shot back to him, a sad smile had graced his lips. 

“I...think I understand now,” he said, softly. I shook my head in confusion. “Why Minfillia stopped me all those years ago. Just  _ how _ my part in this story is not yet over.” I opened my mouth to inquire, but the tempest inside of me churned once more. With a quiet cry, I curled into myself, nails digging into my chest. 

“It-hurts,” I whined, shutting my eyes tightly. “I can’t-”

The Light ripped through me and I could feel myself coming undone at the seams. My mind became hazy, the single thread still holding my consciousness intact beginning to fray, unable to form a complete thought. My skin rippled, the beast underneath fighting to break free. My very soul stretching and stretching until finally-  _ crack _ . 

The sound reverberated through my entire body.

And all at once, everything went still. And the pain-

My eyes slid open. 

Ardbert was still crouched in front of me, but we were...Where were we? I sat up slightly and took a quick look around. 

We were  _ nowhere _ . A white void.

“Take my hand.”

My attention shot back on the warrior of the First, eyes narrowing in on his outstretched hand.

“Take my hand.”

“Why?” I asked warily. “What will this do?” Ardbert hummed.

“You’ll see.”

Before I could contemplate his words further, he shoved his hand further into my face. I blinked in surprise and cautiously laid my hand into his. His body began shimmering. Panic filled me as he began to disappear, tears springing to my eyes.

He was- 

_ No, please _ . Don’t go, don’t leave me-

He grinned as if he knew what I was thinking and inclined his head as he began to disperse into particles of light.

“Together,” he said. “We are one.”

I sucked in a sharp breath as light exploded around me and a moment later, I had been thrust back into reality, but this time, I was on my feet, my knees stable. 

The Light continued thrashing against me, doing its best to tear me apart anew.

Realization struck me. All this talk of souls…and  _ rejoinings. _

_ He _ had been…

I swiped away the single tear that was travelling down my cheek as my resolve strengthened. 

A few more minutes, I told myself. Just give me...a few more minutes to do what I needed.

_ Do not waste this gift Ardbert had given. _

Ahead of me, the Ascian’s eyes widened, his gaze sliding up my body. At the sight of his face, my anger was renewed.

“You-”

“This ends now,” I growled, refusing to let him get another word in. His jaw clenched and he swallowed hard. 

“Still fighting the good fight, are you?” He taunted, the surprise disappearing from his face as he slid the mask back on, a smirk spreading across his lips. He waved a hand over his face, the glyph appearing over it as I felt the aether in the air begin to gather. “Very well hero.” 

I reached for my weapon once more, the intensity of my focus honing in on him as I fell into my stance.

“Shall I tell you then,” he continued. “Here at the end, my true name?” I froze, sucking in a sharp breath. My brow furrowed. His smile turned cruel at my obviously piqued curiosity. “A pity you did not figure it out on your own. Perhaps things could have been different.” He heaved a dramatic sigh, shoulders slumping slightly, averting his eyes to the ground.

“But truly, what did I expect, broken and deformed as you are?”

My jaw clenched, fingers tightening around the hilt.

“No. I don’t want to hear it,” I spat at him. “There may have been a time where I would have given  _ everything _ to hear that singular word, but no longer. Stop stalling, Ascian, and let us end this.” 

He hummed, lifting his eyes to mine once more. When I didn’t budge, or give him any further reaction, he rolled his eyes. 

“Yes, yes,” he said. “Impatient as ever I see. How quickly you rush towards your death.”

“So you assume.” A dark chuckle. 

“Indeed.”

The Darkness he had been gathering began to cocoon him. 

“Then come, Warrior of Light. Let us cast aside pretense and allow me to reveal my true face to you.”

The energy in the air came to a sudden stop, as did my breathing.

The aether began to move again, quickly this time, enveloping him in its immense darkness, and when it cleared, he had changed completely. No longer in human form, he towered over me, a crown encircled his head, four claw-tipped hands ready to slice me to ribbons, a crystalline staff with a figure of Zodiark on its top.

“Show me, dear hero, this  _ vaunted _ strength of yours.” I renewed my grip on my weapon, releasing my breath. “So that I may expose the lie of your fragmented existence.” I released a steadying breath, the finality of my circumstances finally hitting me.

He had truly forced my hand. There would be no coming back from this.

“So be it,” I whispered, more to myself than to him.

Without another word, I surged forward. 

The fight was long. Arduous. Painful.

A few minutes in, he thrust the staff into his chest and disappeared into an enormous cloud of black energy. I only had a single moment to breathe as he summoned shades of Ascians I had fought before, his brethren that I had banished to Oblivion, allowing him a brief respite to change again, sharp, crystalline wings sprouting from his back, so large he now hovered over the side of the platform.

When I thought I had gained the upper hand, he clamped chains around me, allowing himself to transform once as I struggled to break them. Once I had, I faltered for a single moment at the sheer size of his body.

And though this form was large and menacing, sadness swelled within me as I beheld him. Not a trace of humanity left. 

I swallowed hard, willing the tears to stay away. 

I was angry with him. He had betrayed me. My trust.

But despite myself, I could not help but continue to love him as I had many, many years ago. I knew this was not who he was- not who he had been. 

Surely, this would be a mercy, I thought as I dodged to the side to avoid a puddle of purple liquid I could only assume was poisonous. If he would not give me the opportunity to free him, then...

And with one final blow, the monster shrieked. His whole body shook as he withered, disappearing into a cloud of darkness. 

I blew out a slow breath, standing at the ready, waiting to see if it was only a temporary retreat or if he was gone for good. Silence descended on the platform for several seconds and my chin trembled as I lowered my weapon. I closed my eyes as I stood straight, clenching my jaw to will the despair away.

I inhaled deeply and spun on my heel to head towards my friends, who were waiting for me by the exit. They were quiet as I began closing the distance between us. Y’shtola’s eyes were locked on the ground, Thancred’s arms crossed over his chest, a deep frown turned his lips down. Alphinaud sighed through his nose and his sister nodded to me, though her face held an expression of sympathy. Urianger’s eyes slid closed, head inclined for a moment of silence. 

And Ryne-

Her brow furrowed, her eyes honing into my chest before she sucked in a sharp breath and took a panicked step towards me.

Immediately, the Light thrashed. My vision pulsed and I cried out, stumbling backwards, hand flying to my chest.

My time was up, I realized. Ardbert’s soul had given me  _ just _ the right amount of-

My friends froze, their eyes widening. They began to call my name, but their voices were drowned out by a thunderous wind behind me. Their gazes shot past me as I whipped around, the gust so strong it nearly pulled the ribbon from my hair. 

The Ascian appeared once more, bearing down on me, still in his huge monstrous form, one arm back to strike. 

“Enough of this!” Thancred shouted. His footfalls were heavy on the crystal as he took off running. When he reached me, he took off, jumping into the air with the white auracite in his hand. “This was decidedly  _ not _ how we wanted things to end, Emet-Selch!”

He tossed it out in front of him, pulling his weapon from his back. He easily activated it with the blade and flung forward. 

“But it seems you have left us with  _ no choice _ .”

The crystal impacted the Ascian’s chest and the beast paused, looking down in surprise. His hands wrapped around it and, as it shattered under his strong claws, his eyes locked with mine. 

They dimmed, and he nodded almost imperceptibly. My breath caught.

_ Let it go, _ he said. 

But-

_ It’s alright, my love.  _

The Light swelled around me, threatening to transform me as the understanding took hold. 

He had been  _ so _ adamant this was  _ not _ the way. That he did  _ not _ want to sacrifice me for his untempering. That I would surely perish in the attempt.

But here...at the very end, I...was going to die anyway. I would become the most powerful Lightwarden this world had ever seen. I would wreak destruction anywhere...and everywhere. 

And then the Light would consume my very soul, splintering it until there was naught left of it but particles on the wind…

Surely  _ this _ was better than the alternative.

Had he...come to the same conclusion? Had  _ this _ been the ruse? For nothing more than  _ my _ benefit?

To hate him enough to...kill him?

He was willing to-

I cringed as the powerful aether began to latch onto my being, disappearing under my skin as the change started to take hold once more. Water rose to my eyes, my brow furrowing with intense concentration as I willed the Light to my hand instead. 

“Hydaelyn,” I whimpered, my voice unsteady, ready to break as tears streamed from my eyes. “Help me.  _ Please _ . I can’t-”

Please, I implored once more, in my mind. Please let this work. Let this be enough.

_ It will be alright, my favored daughter, _ she assured me. Just as  _ he _ had. _ Release it. _

The ball of hot, white energy in my hand began to transform, taking the shape of the axe of the warrior of the First.

“-Hydaelyn?” Ryne’s asked from behind me, her voice just above a whisper. 

A gasp.

“Help her!” the Oracle insisted, shouting over the roaring of my ears. I looked over my shoulder as the Scions hesitated. Ryne released a frustrated sigh when they didn’t move. “It’s not  _ enough _ ! She needs us or she will-” Urianger’s eyes lit up in that moment. 

“The book,” he breathed, the cogs in his mind turning. “Of course.” 

He nodded quickly, raising his hand into the air.

Finally, the others complied as well, lining up side-by-side. They lifted their arms and, together, began streaming a similar light towards Emet-Selch. I turned back

Almost immediately, I felt the burden on my soul ease, the unnatural aether inside of me coming to its end, fully formed within my hand.

Complete darkness enveloped us, the monster’s wings blocking out any source of light.

_ Now, my child. Before you are consumed. _

I obeyed the Mother and, with a guttural scream, I threw the axe with everything I had left.

The entire arena was engulfed in the Light.

When it had dissipated, I blinked several times, my eyes trying to adjust. 

When I could see clearly again, I found Ascian standing in front of me, once more occupying his mortal vessel, clothed in dark robes I’d come to associate with his brethren. 

My eyes widened and the breath left my body as I took in the huge, jagged hole in his torso. He smiled softly.

_ What? _

My knees went weak and I wilted to the ground, tears rising anew. He rushed forward to catch me in his arms. Slowly, he lowered me to the ground and knelt in front of me.

“No,” I sobbed, gaze roving the entirety of the wound, the water spilling out of my eyes and flowing freely down my cheeks. “No, this can’t- This isn’t-”

Panic filled me and I quickly raised one shaking hand to the hole as I gathered more of my aether within my palm, ready to heal-

Instead he shushed me and took my hands in his.

“It is too late, my love, but thank you nonetheless.” 

“But-but Hydaelyn,” I stammered, desperately trying to pull my hands from his. “She said that...I...”

She had  _ lied _ , I realized.

“It  _ will _ be alright,” he murmured, as if he knew what I was thinking.

“But-”

He shook his head, breathing a laugh as he leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. 

“This was how it was meant to be.”

He then pulled back, lifting his hand, placing it upon my chest. Quickly, I covered it with my own, searching his eyes for an answer,  _ anything _ .

Just tell me what to do, I silently implored him. How to help.

How to save-

But instead, I felt aether manifest in his palm.

“What-what are you-”

“A parting gift,” he breathed. Before I could question him further, he pushed what was left of his power into me. A strangled cry of surprise escaped me. 

For a moment, a heavy gust of wind surrounded me, tugging at my hair and clothes. 

_ Relief _ . It was the only word I felt could describe this...feeling. I let my eyes fall shut. The pull in the back of my mind was gone. A pull, I realized, I had never known was there until now. 

And for the first time I felt... _ good _ . Unburdened. Relaxed.

When the wind had calmed, my eyes slid open and he was inspecting my face. 

“Hades…,” I whispered, the word rolling off my tongue so easily I felt...almost silly for not being able to remember it. My eyes widened as he placed a hand on my cheek, leaning forward to press his forehead to mine.

“How long I have waited, my love.”

“Hades,” I said again, louder this time, placing my hands on either side of his face. “We-we have to-” I paused, my breath catching in my throat as his body began shining with light. “No, you’ll be f-”

“Remember,” he said to me, the finality in his voice unmistakable. “Remember  _ us _ .” 

Then, before I was able to respond, he burst into a million particles...and was gone.

The tension in my body returned almost immediately. 

N-no... 

He-

I sat frozen, staring at the spot he’d just been, the Scions silent behind me as my mind tried to comprehend what had just happened. 

And when reality had caught up with me again, my eyes filled with tears very quickly.

“He can’t be...I-”

My breathing turned shallow as I gripped the material of my shirt over my chest, my heart breaking all over again. 

I heard quick footsteps on the crystal. Y’shtola came around, kneeling in the place  _ he _ had just knelt, placing one of her hands on my shoulder. She said my name more than once trying to get my attention.

“I promise you’ll, it’ll be alright,” she assured me when I finally looked at her. Tears dripped off of my chin as I shook my head. “We’ll-we’ll help you.”

But, she didn’t understand. She  _ couldn’t _ . None of them could. 

“No, it’s...I can’t-”

I couldn’t seem to form a full thought.

“Hydaelyn said it’d- She said- She...She  _ lied _ . I can’t-”

With a sob, I forcefully pulled away from her, watching the heartbroken but surprised expression on her face as I stood. I swallowed as she looked up at me with wide eyes, unsure of what to do.

Without saying another word, I spun on my heel and pushed past those that had gathered behind us, no doubt to make sure I was well.

But I wasn’t. 

I was broken. And I would remain broken, it felt, for the rest of my life. A part of me was missing now, and I had destroyed it with my own hands.

And so, I ran. Away from them, away from those who would never realize the depth of the pain I felt. The despair, the regret, the guilt.

_ I _ had done this.  _ All _ of this was  _ my fault _ .

I didn’t care  _ where _ I was headed, letting my feet carry me out of the arena, back through the burning replica of Amaurot and into the city proper.

And when I could run no longer, I collapsed to my knees once more, my entire body shaking as it was wracked with sob after sob. 

To think that when we had arrived here earlier in the day, I did not think I had a single tear left within me. It was almost comical.

But when I had let everything out, crying myself dry, I did not yet feel ready to face my friends. So, I got to my feet and slowly, aimlessly wandered the city. A city I knew and yet...did not know at the very same time.

I stopped outside the Bureau of the Architect, tilting my head back so I could examine the building. 

His office, I recalled, was at the very top. Would it still be as we left it, the day I asked him to show me something. The day I realized I was more to him than he wanted to admit. Would his presence still linger? 

The shades had barred me access before, but now…

I sighed through my nose and began my trek up the ramp that led into the lobby, where I was met with an attendant.

“Back so soon, little one?” The shade asked. I lowered my eyes to the ground. 

“I...came to once more request access to Emet-Selch’s office.” 

“Ah, but of course!” He said, his voice much too  _ chipper _ for my liking. I clenched my hands into fists at my side. “I am afraid our glorious Architect isn’t in at the moment, but you are free to go up and wait for him if you wish.”

I shut my eyes tightly. 

_ Yes _ , I wanted to say.  _ I am aware that he is not in. _

Instead, I reigned in my feelings, and with naught more than a nod, I pushed passed the shade and went for the lift at the back of the building. 

When I entered the office, everything was just as it had been the last time I saw it. I took a slow look around as I cautiously stepped towards the desk. 

I vaguely recall him telling me once in the apartment that he had to make... _ adjustments _ . Had he done the same here?

“He must have,” I told myself. “The rest of the city is too large to accommodate you.” 

The room was...eerily silent. And it felt...wrong. Without him here at my side.

My hand slid across the surface of his desk as I walked around it, pausing for a moment when it reached the shoebill figurine. 

I swallowed hard as I stared down at it for a long moment before snatching my hand back as if the small, harmless statue would burn me. I quickly averted my eyes as water began to fill them again- to the long, heavy drapes still covering the window.

“Well, I suppose it can’t hurt now,” I sighed, stepping up to them. 

I took my time, separating each side and carefully tying the curtains back with the tiebacks that hung on the wall on each side. 

Then, I stood between them, the city staring back at me. 

“Is this what you planned?” I whispered to myself, crossing my arms over my chest. “Is this what you wanted all along?”

_ This was how it was meant to be. _

His voice echoed in my mind and I closed my eyes, clenching my jaw. 

“I thought I might find you here.”

I whirled away from the window at the sound of the voice. A shade stood by the door, hands folded into the sleeves of his robe, though I noticed he was not as tall as the others. I wondered if the magic Emet-Selch had used on this room affected him as well as a part of this recreation.

“My new, old friend.” Recognition sparked within me. 

“Hyth...lodaeus,” I guessed slowly, remembering him and the conversation we had in the Bureau of the Secretariat. He nodded, but he did not speak again. If I had not known better, it seemed as if he was waiting with baited breath for me to continue. I looked down at the desk, willing my mind to recall more. “You...were our closest friend. Mine...and Hades.” I slid my gaze back to him and he cocked his head to the side. “Weren’t you?”

“Ah,” he said, a slight laugh in his voice. “How good of you to remember.” With a sigh, I nodded. 

“I wish…I could remember more,” I admitted. “I…I can’t even remember what you looked like, only an inkling of familiarity. And a book that...Hades conjured a few weeks ago.”

The shade hummed, raising a hand to his mouth in thought.

“That is yet possible,” he began. “Your wish.”

“But...how? Hades is...I-” 

He held his hands up to stop me.

“It was not easy, this task laid before you, my friend. And it is unfortunately not quite over yet,” he said in understanding. “But it will be alright in the end.” I pursed my lips. Hydaelyn had said as much as well, and yet  _ he was gone _ . I opened my mouth to argue, though the words died on my tongue and I shook my head. I had not the energy to fight anymore. 

“You said you thought I would be here,” I said, instead. “What is it you want from me?”

“Ah, not what I want from you, but something you  _ may _ want from me.” I furrowed my brow in confusion as he stepped to the side, motioning back towards the hallway. “I was charged with returning something you seem to have lost. If you would come with me, I would gladly take you there.”

I tapped my fingers on the surface of the desk a few times, hesitant to take him up on his offer. I looked around the room, unsure if I was ready to leave this room, no matter how  _ wrong _ it felt without him.

“You may return,” Hythlodaeus said, as if he knew what I was thinking. “This will take but a moment.”

Finally, I blew a breath out of my nose and nodded, motioning for him to lead the way. 

When we arrived in what seemed to be an infirmary, there were various shades standing about the room, but my eyes honed in onto the Crystal Exarch, who was sitting up in one of the beds, his hood down, revealing his whole head, and immediately my grief was forgotten for the time being. He brightened when he saw me and I rushed to his side.

“G’raha,” I said, quickly looking him over for injury. “You’re-are you-” He chuckled, gripping my arms to pause my frantic movements.

“I am well, my friend,” he assured. “A bit weak, perhaps, but I have been well looked after.”

“Can...can you walk?”

“I think…,” he started, shifting to get out of bed. He stood, but immediately faltered. I grabbed him fast, stopping his fall. 

“Alright,” I sighed. “Let’s go find the Scions and get you back to the Tower.”

I could come back another day, I surmised. Getting the Exarch back to his tower was of tantamount import...

I looked up to Hythlodaeus, his size regained once we departed from the Architect’s office. He nodded his understanding.

“Be well, my new old friend,” he said. “I do hope that you will be kind enough to visit again.”

A short while later, we found my friends waiting just outside the Capitol building, worry on their faces. But when we emerged through the tall doors, their expressions changed to that of relief when they saw who I had brought with me.

After judging the Exarch’s ability to move easily and my own exhaustion, we opted to call Feo Ul to us, asking the King if they would kindly request Bismark to return and bear us back to Lakeland, which he readily agreed. Alphinaud sighed in relief, the prospect of having the  _ swim _ back to the surface one he did not want to have to consider.

And despite the events of the day, I could not help but smile. 

But later that night, after returning to the Crystarium, as I sat alone in my room, everything caught up with me. 

My chest tightened, filling with a new wave of despair, tears rising to my eyes as I gripped the shirt over my heart. 

What had I done? 

I’d claimed to love him, and yet…

I’d-

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and I jumped, a small cry of surprise escaping me. I looked at the chronometer on the wall, wondering who could possibly want to see me at such a late hour, but exhaled unsteadily and stood. 

When I cracked the door open, I found G’raha Tia standing there, smiling softly. His expression fell when he beheld my face, however, and I averted my eyes.

“I’m...sorry for interrupting,” he said quietly. “But might I come in for a moment?”

I swallowed, but nodded my head, sniffing as I moved out of the doorway, allowing him entry. As he walked past me, I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt, then motioned for him to sit at the table.

“I came to see how you were faring,” he said as he slid into a chair. I sat next to him, slumping back, hands clasped in my lap. He breathed a humorless laugh as he leaned his elbows on the table, fiddling with something in his hands. “But I see now that...is more than likely a stupid question.”

“I’m fine,” I claimed, though I knew I was nowhere near convincing enough. He hummed at my lie and turned towards me, taking a deep breath as he thought on his next words.

“Before...you fought him, Emet-Selch came to visit me in the infirmary,” G’raha started. “He...I think he did not expect to come out of this unscathed and so, he left this with the shade who was in your company.” He opened his palm, revealing a smooth, orange stone with a circle engraved onto the front. “And the shade trusted me with...giving it to you.” 

I furrowed my brow as I could hear the slightest of whispers in the back of my mind. My lips parted as I began reaching for it. The voices grew louder the longer I stared at it, and the closer my hand got, I could feel it thrumming with dark aether-  _ his _ aether.

“I don’t know what it is,” the Exarch continued, jolting me out of my thoughts. “But if...it meant so much to him, it  _ must _ be important.” I exhaled slowly, carefully plucking it from his palm. 

“It…I think he had it that day...after the fight with Innocence. He was going to use it for...” I pursed my lips for a moment. “Well, I...don’t know  _ what _ , but…” The miqo’te nodded his head.

“Well,” he sighed, groaning as he moved to stand. “I suppose that I...should let you get some rest. You’ve...been through a lot today.”

My eyes lingered on the crystal a moment longer before I set it onto the table and stood to show him out. 

“I’m glad that you can at least walk on your own now,” I offered as we made for the door, forcing a small smile to my face. He nodded.

“Yes,” he sighed as I opened the door. “Once I was in the presence of the Crystal Tower, I felt myself returning to normal again.” 

When we had bid our farewells, I returned, standing over the stone as the whispering commenced. I clenched my jaw and quickly looked away. Without another glance, I swiped it off of the table and tossed it into a drawer in my bedside table, unable to even  _ think _ about what it contained at the present.

Over the course of the next few weeks, I threw myself into my work. Against the Exarch's wishes, against the Scions' wishes...

But I had to do something. If I wasn't moving, occupied with other things, I thought I would be swallowed up by grief. Between venturing out into the Empty and accompanying Y'shtola into the depths of the Ronkan ruins, many days I was successful in keeping Hades off of my mind.

But the nights...

The nights, alone in the quiet of my room, I found it was an impossible task. Some nights I would lie in bed, quietly sobbing to myself as my heart ached. I tried to keep my friends from worrying, but I knew they worried nonetheless, especially so on the nights I was prone to anger. One night, Thancred came to my room after I'd broken one of the wooden dining chairs in a fit of guilt-ridden rage, concern written all over his face.

"How can I help you?" he pleaded desperately, his voice cracking as he grabbed me by the shoulders and forcefully turned me towards him. "Please, tell me how." When I beheld the heartbroken look on his face, the fire in my gut cooled. My chin trembled as tears rose to my eyes. 

"Thancred," I said, my voice coming out as more of a whine than anything. He examined my face, his eyes becoming glassy, filling with water the longer he looked at me. 

"I'm here," he assured me. I wilted to the ground, unable to hold the sob back. He knelt in front of me. "Tell me what you need." I gripped the lapels of his jacket and buried my face in his chest as my whole body shook.

"You hated him," I said, voice muffled against his shirt. His arms went around me as he sat back onto the ground, pulling me into his lap so he could hold me closer. "You-you  _ hated _ him. Tell me how horrible he was so that I can stop feeling this way." He sighed through his nose, tucking my head under his chin. “ _ Please _ .”

"I'm afraid I can't do that," he said sadly, tightening his arms around me. "I think, in the end...He did it all to save you. I don't...think he was horrible."

We sat in silence for the next long while. He let me cry and cry until the front of his shirt was wet with my tears, and when I was too tired to cry any longer, he picked me up and gently tucked me into bed, where I fell into a fitful sleep.

When I woke in the morning, Y’shtola was sitting by my bed, looking down at the orange crystal as she turned it over in her hands.

“Thancred told you,” I concluded. She hummed.

“He’s worried,” she said without looking up. “We all are.”

“You needn’t be.” The miqo’te huffed a laugh. 

“So, breaking chairs is just a normal occurrence then.” I frowned and began sitting up. “Did you ever learn the nature of this stone?”

Finally, she looked up to me and I shrugged. 

“I couldn’t…” She nodded her understanding. 

“It is  _ teeming _ with Emet-Selch’s dark aether, you know.” I glanced down at her hand as she held it out to me. “He wanted you to have it for a reason. I think it would be worthwhile for you to...figure it out.”

The whispering I had heard upon first receiving it commenced, words in the back of my mind that I had not heard since I had shoved it into the drawer and out of sight.

I swallowed hard as I began to reach for it, but I paused, hesitating for a moment. 

What...would this do, suffused with so much of his aether?

Hythlodaeus’ words to me that fateful day rang through my head as I felt dark tendrils of power reaching for me, recognizing me.

_ That is yet possible, your wish. _

I barely breathed.

Would this...restore my past to me?

And...did I want this? To remember my previous life? To...remember  _ him _ more fully?

Yes, would have been my answer weeks ago, when he was still by my side. But now, he was gone and…

_ Remember us _ . 

I sucked in a sharp breath. It had been Hades’ parting wish. My chin trembled and I exhaled, attempting my steel myself.

He  _ wanted _ this. Even if...I would never see him again. Be with him again.

At the very least, I could...honor his memory. 

I gritted my teeth, quickly grabbing the stone from her palm before I second-guessed myself further.

With a soft smile, she stood from her chair.

“I will...leave you be.”

I heard her heels click against the floor as she made her way out of the room, though I found I could not pull my eyes away from the crystal long enough to bid her farewell. When the door had clicked shut behind her, I released a steadying breath.

“Alright,” I whispered. “Why are you so important?”

Immediately, his aether enveloped me, familiar and loving, coaxing me to look not just  _ upon _ the stone, but  _ inside _ of it. I focused my attention, letting the memories fill every crevice of my mind. It was not a complete record, of course, but...I could tell he had filled it with as many memories of us together as he could.

And when they began to dwindle, the power he had infused into the stone shot through me.

Asc-

_ Ascending _ me. To my seat, the seat of...Azem.

Happiness filled me as I remembered. Remembered my work. Remembered...our time together. 

Oh, how I loved him.

But soon- too soon- it was over. His aether dissipated, and the crystal fell from my hand, bouncing onto the floor until it came to a stop a few fulms away. 

My brow furrowed as I stared, unblinking, at my lap as the crushing loneliness returned. My hands balled into fists in the blanket still covering me. 

Y’shtola had been right. The stone  _ was _ important, though it did  _ not _ have the desired effect. She thought it would make me feel better, when it, in fact, filled me to the brim with regret.

My vision blurred with tears, horror filling me. My hands began to shake.

I…

_ I had killed him _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I know I am notorious for never being sorry about my writing.
> 
> But....I am kind of sorry about this one.
> 
> Don't forget, friends. There is still one chapter left.


	40. Hades

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long cutscene warning on this one. Get comfy, you may be here a while.
> 
> Thank you for your patience! I know it's late by a day.

Grief.

What previously was naught but a calming silence in a never-ending sea of white soon was overcome by crushing grief.

And yet, as I searched within myself, trying to pinpoint the root of it… I could not seem to find it.

I had no reason to feel such profound sadness. I had succeeded. The Warrior of Light would be well, her soul repaired from the brink of destruction with the addition of the fragment of the First.

Her soul was so much more obviously _hers_ with the additional fragment. Would I have recognized her, then, after the next Rejoining had occurred?

It would likely have been too late then. That had been the reason the Exarch traversed back… was it not? The death of the Warrior of Light as a result of the Eighth Calamity.

And while I was _disappointed_ that I had underestimated the Light despite Hythlodaeus’ warnings, I was relieved that my beloved would survive. By now, she likely had retrieved the Crystal Exarch and returned to the Crystarium. She hopefully had started to move on, freed of her bonds to Hydaelyn, of the incessant nagging to _hear, feel, think._

How had _I_ survived, though? In the end, she had released me of my bindings as well, just as she had wanted. Aided by her friends, just enough of the Light was expended without draining the entirety of her stores, allowing her soul to remain intact.

I sighed, the sound easily traveling through the endless _whatever_ this was. 

Whatever this sorrow was, it seemed it did not want to yield. An ache deep within my chest that seemed to tug me forward.

And so, seeing no other option than to follow it, I headed toward wherever it may lead me. With each step I took, the ache seemed to grow, the intensity of the emotion tearing through me until I was left placing my hand upon my chest.

Soon, I could discern the sound of voices, though they were far away and unclear.

But _who_ they were was obvious. Hythlodaeus, the Exarch. The Scions. The Warrior of Light. 

From the varied pitch and timbre between their voices, I could make out each one, and the crippling sadness the hero’s voice held was not lost on me. Even without understanding _what_ was said, I could tell. 

Her emotions, then. As the sadness gave way to anger, mind-numbing and all-consuming… it was clear these were _her_ emotions I was feeling. 

Somehow.

Finally, I arrived in what appeared… to be a room…? I glanced around, wondering when it had taken form, its existence seeming natural to me, despite the obvious _unnaturalness_ to it. 

At my back was the endless sea of white that remained, and while the walls were made of the same, somehow my mind could discern them as such. 

Walls. Three of them. Empty and barren, save for a single framed mirror identical to the one I had created in my recreation. Similar enough to the one in the Crystal Tower. It seemed only to reflect the abyss of white that surrounded me, my own presence in the room unacknowledged.

I approached it warily, and when I raised my hand to touch it, I was immediately shocked when my reflection appeared suddenly upon its surface—white hair, plain gray robes that reached the floor. 

I furrowed my brow, having not seen myself this way in eons. I raised my hand, watching the reflection do the same until I reached the hair upon my head, running my fingers through the length of it until my fingers landed upon a lowered hood.

“This is how your soul sees yourself,” a voice suddenly said, seemingly from behind me and all around me at the same time. Calming, soothing. Warm, feminine. Motherly.

I whipped around quickly, looking at the emptiness of the room, my eyes narrowing into the distance to try to discern the source.

A soft laugh filled the room, though not mocking or malicious. As if it found me endearing. 

And when I looked back toward the mirror, behind me a large blue crystal took form, in the distance, and yet close just the same.

“Hydaelyn,” I whispered, my eyes wide despite all the negative emotions I had associated with Her. The crystal glowed just slightly in response to my acknowledgment, confirming that it was, in fact, the Mothercrystal I now faced.

When I turned back around, a woman stood before me, blonde hair, glowing blue eyes. Flowing white gown, a blue pendant shining at the center of Her chest. I tilted my head, watching as a soft smile spread on Her lips.

“I find it less dramatic to present myself in a form similar to yours,” She explained, nodding Her head toward the mirror. When I looked back, the large blue crystal still shone brightly in the background. “But I still remain as I truly am in all but your perception.”

I nodded my head in response, my eyes roaming the mirror before I looked over my shoulder at Her. “Why am I here?” I asked, watching as amusement lit in Her all-seeing eyes.

“Why, indeed?”

“I thought my soul would be destroyed,” I continued, the warm smile on Her lips widening as She nodded. “But here I am.”

“Only because my champion wished it was so,” She admitted, Her expression falling slightly. “Had I known your intention, perhaps I would not have heeded her desperate plea.”

I furrowed my brow, confusion marring my expression as Hydaelyn sighed, taking slow steps to stand beside me, Her footsteps echoing into the vastness that surrounded us.

“Quite clever of you,” She finally said. “To find a way to enact such a plan without Zodiark realizing your intention. Not even I picked up on it, not until it was too late.”

I did not reply, instead looking back toward our reflections. 

“I find myself wondering just _how_ you managed it,” She continued. “To sacrifice yourself to save her without thinking about it to give yourself away.”

I hummed, a soft smile appearing on my lips. “The secret dies with me, I’m afraid.”

Hydaelyn breathed a laugh, the sound soft and soothing and not at all what I expected. Here stood the goddess I had attributed so much pain and suffering to, yet She did not appear to be as malicious or conniving as I had once thought. 

Certainly not an entity to place infallible trust in, since She _did_ temper others into her ranks just as Zodiark had, but perhaps not necessarily a worthy target of so much of my ire. 

How much of my hatred had been the influence of my tempering?

“I can only guess that you put several pieces in motion,” She mused after a few moments passed in silence as I regarded Her reflection carefully, watching the crystal pulsate as if it was breathing. “Each with a different _original_ meaning, but the _true_ purpose coming to light only if your first plan failed.”

“Perhaps,” I replied with a sigh, deciding to divulge the reality of my plans after all. “Or perhaps the stars aligned in just the right way, and it was purely luck.”

“Luck,” She echoed, and I hummed with a nod in response, glancing at Her from the corner of my eye. She shook Her head at the impossibility of it, knowing full well that I had left nothing to chance. “The book. You gave it to Urianger to watch out for her actions, that she would not try to release you from your tempering. Yet you knew she would try, regardless of your warnings, and in telling her friends…”

“I ensured that they would aid her and prevent the destruction of her soul, yes.”

“But in doing so, you would have set up the conditions for your removal from Zodiark’s clutches, so how?”

“Ah, but my intention _was_ to stop her from doing so. To tell her friends the signs to _impede_ my release from Zodiark’s tempering,” I explained, returning my attention to the reflection of Hydaelyn in the mirror. The crystal glowed with increased intensity as I heard Her laughter fill the room.

“I see. And you knew that my influence on her would not allow her to _leave_ you as such, not if she knew how to release you. That she would most certainly try, if backed into a corner.”

“Or so I hoped.”

“And thus you backed her into the corner,” She stated, and I looked at Her. Her hand was on Her chin, Her head tilted as She peered at my reflection with intense scrutiny. “But how did you know she could rejoin with the Warrior of Light of the First? That _he_ would offer?”

I chuckled, shrugging my shoulders. “All heroes are the same, in the end.”

“I admit I had my Word leave Ardbert behind upon the First specifically _for_ this purpose, but that you would understand as well…” She looked over at me, sighing with a small shake of Her head.

“In truth, if I did not receive confirmation that he remained, my plan _was_ to simply destroy her mortal vessel and allow her soul to return to the Lifestream, to be repaired upon the next rejoining.”

She nodded Her head slowly. “But how did you consider the new plan without Zodiark or your companions in His retinue realizing?”

“Because the intention of the new plan-”

“Was the same as the first,” She finished as She came to understand. “Save her soul, rejoin the Warrior of Light.”

I hummed my affirmation before my expression fell into a more serious one.

“You said that you left Ardbert on the First for the purpose of rejoining with the Source’s Warrior of Light,” I started, waiting until She nodded before I continued. “Then you knew this would come to pass?”

“Oh, yes,” She said with a nod. “Everything has ended exactly as it should, save for a few details.” 

She breathed a laugh as She took in the clear surprise in my expression. 

“This was how it was meant to be,” She said. “All the damage to her soul, the urgency of your actions was just to steer fate to its rightful path. If you had never grown to love her, if you had kept her at arms’ length, you would have realized the truth of her identity at the end.”

“When the fragment rejoined with her soul,” I breathed, the wind knocked out of me. “Then… I would have perished regardless? In a final showdown against her?”

“Permanently,” She confirmed. “I intervened to bring you here at her behest, but had she not grown to love you, you would have been banished to Oblivion.”

I lowered my gaze to the ground, my brow furrowed as I tried to rationalize a defeat at her hands, knowing her strength was limited, knowing that I would not have trained her as I had.

“You are wondering, I assume, just how you would have lost?” 

I nodded, returning my gaze to the human form of Hydaelyn, Her eyes glowing with barely concealed amusement. 

“The Crystal Exarch would have escaped from where you held him, and called upon Warriors of Light from far and wide, reaching across time and space to bring them to her side.”

I was silent for a few, long moments before I sighed through my nose. It was alarming how much of what had transpired at the end appeared to align with what would have happened if I did not approach her at the bar on that fateful day.

“‘This is how it is meant to be,’” I echoed, realizing that it had been _Her_ voice that reached me once my tempering had broken, a faint whisper that carried through the currents of the Lifestream that I could now barely discern with a freed mind. Her words that I used to comfort the Warrior of Light.

Beside me, Hydaelyn sighed. 

“This brings us back to why you are here. I come to offer you a proposition, Hades,” She started. Her expression was solemn and I arched a brow. “To end her grief, I will return you to her side, so that you may live a lifetime with her.”

My eyes widened. I swallowed heavily. 

“I would want nothing more, I-” I paused as Her stance appeared to relax with my acceptance, immediately growing skeptical and reconsidering Her words more carefully. “A lifetime… implies an end of a life.”

She nodded. “Yes. I would sunder you to the same number of shards she contains. You would live out your lives together before being reborn-”

“You certainly take pleasure in enervating those who could threaten you, don’t you? And the alternative?”

She raised Her hand to point at the mirror before me. “Because of her fondness for you, I will permit you to watch over her soul for eternity.”

I chuckled humorlessly, shaking my head. “Neither is appealing,” I finally said. “To ask me to become the thing I hate only to perish and forget her? I would rather watch over her than lose my memories of us. When she passes on, the only one to keep them will be me.”

Hydaelyn nodded Her head.

“I had a feeling you would reject my offer. I said before that a few details would be different,” She said, raising Her hand, the mirror before us shimmering until an image formed. “Among them, her reaction to your defeat. To force her to kill the man she loves with her own hands…”

In the mirror, I could see the Warrior of Light standing in the bathroom, her hands gripping the countertop as she leaned forward. Her knuckles were white as her body was wracked with sobs, her breathing rapid as she tried to calm herself to no avail. She shook her head, eyes clenched tight, her lips mouthing words that were unintelligible.

And then, without warning, she leaned her forehead against the mirror before her, before she started to bang her head against it. Again and again and again, until the skin was red and angry. Not hard enough to do severe damage, but enough to make my stomach flip with each impact. I took a step forward, despite the futility of it, wishing nothing more than to be by her side.

Finally, she pulled back, her eyes rimmed with red, her face swollen and splotchy from the hours she had spent crying. She watched herself in the mirror, taking in her every feature as she took a deep shuddering breath. She gave her reflection a small nod, blowing out a breath through puffed out cheeks.

And while she seemed to steel herself for a moment, in the next moment her face crumpled again, my name a whimper escaping from her lips again and again as she placed a hand over her heart. Apologies spilled from her lips as she looked down at the counter, tears streaming from her eyes onto its surface as the full-body shaking and sobs resumed.

I felt the ache in my chest swell as I watched her, reaching a hand toward her as tears stung in my eyes. 

“Can’t you help her?” I asked, nearly pleading as I looked over at Hydaelyn, Her eyes sad as She watched the Warrior of Light alongside me.

The goddess shook Her head. “I no longer am able to intervene in her emotions, to help her overcome such hardships as I have in the past. This is the first time she will feel such a loss unencumbered, and thus… she does not know how to handle it.”

I looked back at the image, watching as the Warrior of Light fell apart once more, her gaze landing on the reflection of the earring I had given her. She quickly raised her hand to remove it, yanking it from her lobe so roughly that it drew blood before she threw it down on the ground.

My heart clenched as she wrapped her arms around herself. She shook her head desperately, sinking to the ground as she was overcome with another fit of sobs, her teeth holding onto her bottom lip so hard that it was white as she tried to stifle the sounds escaping her. 

She reached a trembling hand toward the discarded earring, clutching it in her hand atop her heart, her chest heaving as she emptied the limited contents of her stomach onto the ground from the force of her crying.

“She’s not eating,” I observed. My lips turned down into a frown as the image faded.

“She suffers as she does because you took her from me,” Hydaelyn finally said, a bitterness in Her voice that was impossible to miss. “Loathe as I am to admit it, I did not see what you were doing when you whittled away at my hold on her with your aether. I merely assumed you were genuinely protecting her.”

“That’s why,” I whispered, eyes widening. “The aether I needed to push through the last of the tempering wasn’t enough to shatter my soul because I had been steadily weakening your hold.”

“Indeed. Each small infusion weakened my presence, dwindling the strength of the Blessing of Light.”

Realization lit in my mind. “Then… it wasn’t that my Darkness caused the damage to her soul, but the weakening of the protective Blessing…”

“Resulted in her soul being unable to handle the strain, yes.”

“I had no idea it was additive,” I said, looking back at Hydaelyn. “I simply assumed a large amount of aether was required at once.”

“I cannot say I realized what was happening either, having never experienced a loss of a soul from my grasp,” She admitted, lifting Her hand to restore the image. “I realized after the fact that my ability to influence her weakened each time until finally, you stopped the infusions. But by then, it was too late to restore the Blessing to what it once was. Nevermind the fact that my hold was tenuous enough simply from the bond you shared.”

I looked back to see the hero curled on her side, asleep on the bathroom floor. The earring remained in her hand and we watched in somber silence until Ryne came to check on her. The young girl frowned, healing the damage to her ear before gently plucking the trinket from her hand to replace it upon the Warrior of Light's lobe before leaving the room.

“How much time has passed?” I asked softly, watching as Ryne returned to the room moments later with Thancred and Y’shtola in tow. 

The gunbreaker lifted the sleeping hero into his arms, cradling her to his chest with a deep frown before he turned to put her in her bed.

Y’shtola knelt on the ground, grabbing towels from the countertop to begin to wipe the floor of the mess that lingered. Her lower lip trembled as Ryne began to do the same.

Once the bathroom was clean, they stood, exiting the room in silence. The image followed the trio as they returned to the lounge where the other Scions remained, a tense silence among them as they awaited their return.

Urianger was the first to speak. 

“How does she fare?” he asked softly, hope in his eyes quickly snuffed out when the miqo’te shook her head.

“Has she spoken to anyone of the nature of the stone?” Alisaie asked after a moment. “It seems once she activated whatever was stored within, that she took ten steps backward.”

“I disagree,” her brother said quietly. “I think she simply stopped being able to hide her grief from us.”

“I just wish we could help,” Ryne lamented as she sagged into her seat. “It’s been weeks now and when she doesn’t thrust herself into her work, she falls apart.”

I lowered my gaze from the mirror. Weeks of grief while I rested in the Lifestream. Grief which had worsened since her Ascension. What I had wanted to provide her to aid her ended up worsening her circumstances. Guilt flooded me, knotting inside my stomach until it transformed into anger. 

I should have _known_. Of course, it was so obvious that restoring memories would deepen the extent of her grief. To restore the entirety of our shared history, to remind her of the romance we shared. I had been so selfish, wanting her to remember me, to remember us, when she would have been fine not knowing.

“My understanding… is limited,” Thancred admitted. “From what I’ve managed to get out of her, I believe the stone unlocked memories of their past together. Their lives before the Sundering.”

“And she says she doesn’t feel Hydaelyn any longer either,” Y’shtola added. “So in addition to losing him, a man she now realizes her love for has transcended time, she no longer has the guiding hand of the Mother to lean back on.”

Ryne nodded sadly. “Her ties to Hydaelyn were cut just as his from Zodiark were. But she remains behind and he does not. By her own hand.”

Silence fell between them, the fireplace crackling.

“Did… did we do the right thing?” Alisaie asked, barely above a whisper. “To help her break his tempering so that she would survive?”

“Hydaelyn… said to me that everything would be fine,” Ryne replied softly. 

“That day?” the twin asked, watching as the Oracle nodded her head in confirmation. 

“It’s hard to believe it was all an act on his part at the end,” the Oracle said, curling her knees up to hug them to her chest. “I wish I had seen through it. Maybe… things would be different.”

The Crystal Exarch shook his head. “Emet-Selch had it all planned down to the last second,” he said. “From what I gleaned from the conversation with the shade he trusted most. Backup plans for his backup plan. All to make sure she would survive, even if he did not.”

“And to manage it without Zodiark realizing…” Alphinaud breathed. “I doubt we’ll witness such devotion again in our lives.”

The image faded. 

“They think highly of you,” Hydaelyn remarked. “You have left a lasting impression upon them and upon my champion. It’s unfortunate she is falling apart at the seams as she is… but… this is the path you have chosen. To watch.”

I looked over my shoulder, only to see Hydaelyn’s human form had vanished. 

“I leave you to it,” She said, Her voice distant. “If you change your mind, you need only call my name. The mirror activates the same way all the others have.”

The days that followed were long. Each time I felt she made progress, she would inevitably take two steps back within the following days. But soon, the tears began to slow. Soon, the begging for forgiveness that she never needed to seek began to cease.

And finally, she emerged from her room. And when she did, she was visited by a ghost from her past, brought back from the dead. Elidibus appeared encased in the body of the fallen Warrior of the First, inviting civilians far and wide to answer the call. To join him as Warriors of Light.

While I could not discern his scheme, it was clear that his actions were tinged with an edge of desperation. Though I was sure it was well thought out as a whole, his anger was easily incited, and upon confrontation in the Rak’tika Greatwood, it was clear that he would not listen. Neither to the Scions who attempted to appeal to him on my behalf, nor to Azem herself, restored to her seat, several fond memories of Elidibus firmly intact.

When they returned back to Fanow, the lot of them seemed crestfallen. 

As they gathered in the dining area, the majority of them went to their usual seats around the table. The gunbreaker paused mid-stride before pulling out the hero’s usual seat and dropping himself upon it with a heavy groan.

“I’m much too old to be chasing anyone through the woods,” he lamented, exchanging a glance with Y’shtola, who returned with a nearly imperceptible nod. A nod that the Warrior of Light clearly noticed as she stopped behind the chair, lips pursed with barely restrained frustration. 

“You’re in my seat,” she said, and Thancred peered up at her, crossing his arms over his chest before he looked toward his original seat.

“I’m tired,” he replied, gesturing with his chin towards his seat beside Ryne. “Humor me for tonight, won’t you?”

I watched as her eyes slid to the empty seat beside Thancred, the one I had previously used, before she pulled it out and sat down.

“I know what you’re doing,” she murmured, scooting the chair in. “And you don’t have to. I’m… doing fine.”

Thancred watched her in silence for a moment before nodding with a slow exhale through his nose. “Alright.”

Later, after the food was upon the table and they had begun eating their meal, one of the Viis paused, looking at the remaining seat left empty.

“Is… your friend not coming?” she asked, tilting her head as she wiped her hands with a towel she had draped over her shoulder. “Shall I inform the perimeter guard to expect to find him in a tree again?”

All at once, the Scions tensed. Y’shtola cleared her throat.

“He- No, he-,” she started, eyeing the Warrior of Light carefully. The hero held her hand up, wiping her mouth with a napkin as she shook her head.

“He’s not coming, no,” she confirmed, her voice steady. 

“Can we expect him tomorrow for breakfast?”

“No, he’s… dead, actually.”

I watched Alisaie lower her spoon to her table. Ryne looked down at her plate. The Viis exchanged a nervous glance amongst themselves. 

“I’m very sorry,” one of them said softly, the pair of them bowing their heads. “We will make sure not to set his seat out, then.”

When the Viis had left them alone again, the Warrior of Light continued eating, though she picked idly at her food while pushing it around her plate to make it appear as if she had eaten more than she had.

She looked up from the weight of the gazes of the Scions who regarded her warily. Realizing, perhaps, that on this singular day I had come up multiple times in quick succession. Expecting her to fall apart once more.

“I need you all to stop walking on eggshells around me,” she said softly, as she stood from the table. “It doesn’t make it easier for me to be treated this way. He’s dead. By my hand. And I need to accept it, one way or another.”

Later that night, they gathered around a campfire and it was clear from their postures that they were unsure how to proceed.

Finally, Y’shtola sighed. “Earlier, when you spoke to Elidibus,” she started, looking to the Warrior of Light. “You tried to appeal to his memories of your relationship before the Sundering.”

The hero nodded, her hands folding into her lap. “He doesn’t seem to remember me,” she replied. 

“And he doesn’t remember much, it seems, if he was within that building we saw him in previously.”

“Anyder,” the Warrior clarified. “A storage facility for Concepts, more specifically.”

“The image we saw there, the projection, does it mean anything to you now?”

The Warrior of Light paused, furrowing her brow for a moment before she shook her head.

“The memories I have now are not a complete record,” she replied with a sigh. “And I was not… present. I had left the city by then.”

“They spoke of the Fourteenth, who left her post,” Alphinaud murmured, his hand on his chin. “To try to appeal to her to join their cause.”

She nodded her head then. “Because I refused to partake in the Summoning of Zodiark,” she said, watching as their eyes widened. “Among the memories Hades restored to me, was the final meeting in which… I stepped down from my post as Azem.”

It seemed to take them a moment to recover from this new information that she had seemingly guarded, that she was once upon the same council as myself and Elidibus.

“Do you know the reason, then, that Elidibus would be there? What he would be searching for? The identities of those who were present?”

She frowned, shaking her head yet again.

“I have scoured my mind trying to understand the projection we saw,” she started, leaning back in her chair as she closed her eyes. “But it makes sense why I wouldn’t know specifics. If the Convocation made the crystals used for Ascensions, then the memories within them are limited but still vast amongst the thirteen of them. And since Hades was the sole contributor to mine…”

The miqo’te nodded her head thoughtfully. “I cannot help but wonder if… with your restored memories, that facility may provide us with more insight. It may be worth another visit.”

“It might,” Alphinaud replied, a hand on his chin. “Any information we can hope to gain pertaining to those days, to help us understand Elidibus’ motives, could help us predict his next moves.”

“Not only within the ruins, but the recreation itself could hold answers,” Thancred murmured. “The shades were forthcoming upon questioning, but they seemed locked within a timeline, with set rules as to who could venture where. And yet… upon Emet-Selch’s death, some of them seemed more willing to let us roam.”

“Perhaps you and Y’shtola can venture to the ruins of Anyder tomorrow, while the rest of us can split up above sea level,” Alphinaud suggested, looking at the Warrior of Light with no shortage of hope in his eyes. “To search for clues.”

Despite their desire to remain one step ahead of Elidibus, it seemed the Emissary’s keen wit continued to be unrivaled. When the Warrior of Light had completed her explanation to Y’shtola, elucidated all her knowledge regarding the devices within the abandoned ruins, she had erroneously left the miqo’te alone, deciding instead to search elsewhere.

It did not take long for Elidibus to find her, determined himself to search for his own answers, to probe the ruins for hints to restore memories he had long since lost.

And when the hero returned, to report to her friend that her venture had not been fruitful, she was greeted with a channel created for her. In borrowed flesh, Elidibus goaded her, leading her back to the recreation, forcing her to face a place riddled with memories she was not yet ready to face. Her entire body was tense when he approached her.

“Enough of this!” she pleaded, when he directed her to the Capitol to retrieve her comrade.

He arched a brow. “You speak as if you are disappointed in me. Why? I am your enemy, and you are mine. Our goals are in conflict, and we are fated to clash.”

“No, I’m tired of fighting,” she insisted. 

He scoffed, shaking his head.

“Had you hoped that feigned sympathy and false understanding would cast your crimes in a less reprehensible light? That I would come to look upon you as a _friend?_ ”

“Elidibus, please, listen to me,” she attempted, taking a step toward him.

“No!” he shouted, his composure waning. “You claim to know what we have lost, and yet you still stand in opposition. You, who have slaughtered our people. Who would tear down everything we have built.”

“I’m _trying_ to make you understand. There _must_ be another way.”

He chuckled darkly, turning from her toward the exit. 

“Another way,” he mused, looking over his shoulder. “Emet-Selch, too, sought another way. And you did not stay your hand. Why should I believe I would be treated any differently?”

Before she could recover from the shock of his words, he walked away, forcing her to relive battles until she reached the Capitol once more. Within, he challenged her himself, to gauge where he stood, to gauge how far she had come. 

And when she emerged victoriously, yet again, her friend escaping from where Elidibus had held her, still he refused to listen to her. 

That night, in the comfort of our room in the recreation, the Warrior of Light broke down once more. Y’shtola had long since returned to Anyder, eager to continue her research, and with no one around to hear her… the hero let herself mourn again. 

The loss of a loved one, and now the loss of a friend. She wailed as she curled into a ball atop the bed, her hands desperately clutching the robe I once wore. 

When she finally calmed what felt like hours later, I finally understood the purpose of Hydaelyn’s actions.

This room, this mirror, was not one created out of mercy. To allow me to keep a watchful eye over her for the rest of her days. This was meant to serve as a punishment, for all my years in servitude to Zodiark. 

Hydaelyn had made this to torment me, because She knew just as well as I that this grief my beloved felt was not one that would fade. No matter the time that passed, it would resurface time and time again. Old wounds made new again by even the smallest reminders.

Over the course of the following days, as she hid her emotions away from her friends, throwing herself into her new task to try to convince Elidibus to stand down, I also began to grieve, lamenting my inability to help her, to stand by her side as I had once promised I would.

And when the time came for what would be her final confrontation with the Emissary, I watched with bated breath. And yet, despite her efforts to reason with him, he did not— _could_ not—back down. Unable to remember her, no matter how many times she begged him to look upon his Constellation, unable to recall the details of his promises, unable to discern the reasons for his mission. 

In the end, he transformed into an idealized Warrior of Light himself and took up his sword, forcing her hand. But even Ascended, brimming with the new power that I had granted her, it was not enough.

Throughout the battle, Elidibus’ demeanor changed, understanding lighting in his eyes as he pushed her to the very brink of her abilities.

“Does your Mother no longer care for Her favored daughter?” he mocked when their blades clashed yet again. “Her interference has been notably absent.”

She flew back from him, creating distance as she doubled over, clutching her side as she panted to catch her breath.

And when she did not respond, the Emissary chuckled.

“He succeeded,” he said, lips curling up into a grin as he lowered his blade. “Even now, Emet-Selch’s loyalty is astounding. To _tear_ you from the Mother, to bring you to _our_ side at the cost of his own life… I shall not waste this gift.”

He quickly imprisoned her in the rift between worlds. As she struggled against her bindings, I could do naught but watch, my hands clenched at my sides.

“Will you let her be claimed?” Hydaelyn’s voice spoke from behind me.

“Will _you_?” I whipped around to look at Her, in Her human form, a serene expression on Her face.

“My offer, Hades, still stands. I can send you to her side, protected by my Blessing so that you may save her. All you need to do is agree.”

“So you would risk losing her then?” I spat. “Your key to ending this, the main reason we have been thwarted to the extent we have? You would allow her to be taken by the other side because you insist on Sundering me?”

Through the mirror, I could hear the sound of Elidibus’ portal open as he emerged in the Void, his dark laughter echoing in the chamber as he prepared to offer her up to Zodiark.

“The decision lies with you,” She replied and I gritted my teeth.

“We’ve no time for these _games_ ,” I muttered, looking back to the mirror to see Elidibus caressing the side of her face, listening to him taunt her as she continued to try to free herself. 

The goddess tilted Her head before breathing a laugh, the image before us appearing to come to a halt. 

“There,” She said, when I looked back with wide eyes. “Now we have time. What is it about my terms that offends you so?”

I blinked in surprise at Her before glancing at the mirror, seeing that the events were not _stopped_ so much as _slowed_. Miniscule movements were occurring, though She had certainly bought Herself time.

“What is it about Sundering that appeals to you?” I said in return as I met Her gaze. “Why break a soul that could be an asset? Could fight for _your_ side, with all the strength that comes with being Unsundered?”

She hummed, seeming to consider my words carefully before formulating Her response.

“You would accept my Blessing then?” She finally asked.

“So my options are… Sundered or tempered?” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Are you _really_ in a place to be drawing such arbitrary lines?”

“It may seem cruel to you, Hades, but even if Zodiark claimed her, I could raise another in her place. Just as you and yours have done for eons.”

“So she means nothing then?”

“No,” She replied. “I have given her much strength. It would be wholly inconvenient to lose her more than I already have. But the fact remains that she is _lost_ to me.”

“Tempering me would be useless,” I reminded her. “We know how to break such holds now. Cleanly, and with enough patience, painlessly. You revealed the truth of her release to me, after all.”

“And how do I know that you won’t stray? That you won’t work with Elidibus to bring about Rejoinings, to restore Zodiark?”

“You don’t,” I responded softly. “But you _do_ know your champion.”

She narrowed Her eyes. “There is a way. To protect a soul without binding its will to mine.”

“Surely you must know, without a shadow of a doubt, that she would never agree to Rejoinings, that she has always been opposed to such loss of life, even before you existed. I have sworn to walk by her side.”

“I will consider it,” She stated after a brief silence. “For now, I will protect your soul and send you to her until you are sure Elidibus will not try to harm her. Once he is gone, I will return you here.”

The next thing I knew, my vision was blinded with Light. And when I could see, I was surrounded by a miasma of Darkness. 

“You-” Elidibus’ surprised voice broke the silence.

I turned around to see him restored to his original form, his mouth agape with incredulity. I raised my hand, snapping my fingers, the floor beneath the Warrior of Light starting to glow with radiant Light, protecting her from the encroaching Darkness. 

At the click of my fingers, her head shot up, though her back was to me and she was unable to turn. The Light continued to spread outward before a barrier sprung up around her, knocking Elidibus back several fulms. He clenched his jaw, baring his teeth.

“It cannot be,” he muttered, bowing his head as his hands clenched into fists at his side. “Hydaelyn has-” He shook his head quickly, looking up at me as I approached the Warrior of Light, placing my hands on her shoulders. The chains that bound her disappeared, seeming to melt away into nothingness.

“It seems I will have to re-evaluate my plan of action, Warrior of Light,” Elidibus called, creating a portal behind himself and stepping into it. “Until next we meet.”

With another click of my fingers, we were transported back to the top of the Crystal Tower, where she had been before Elidibus’ abduction. Before she could turn to face me, rapid footsteps approached from the side, tearing her attention away. 

Several of the Scions climbed up to join her from their battles below, though Alisaie and her brother were notably absent. They murmured among themselves at the sight of me, surprise evident on their faces, though there was no recognition.

The Crystal Exarch pushed through to the fore, his staff used as a support as he struggled to remain standing. Quickly, the Warrior of Light ran toward him when he stumbled, Thancred’s arm shooting out to catch him before he fell.

“G’raha, are you-”

“Where is Elidibus?” he asked between heavy breaths, his gaze looking over her shoulder to roam the platform beyond.

“Gone,” she replied with a small shake of her head. “He… tried to temper me.”

Quickly, the demeanor of those around her changed, alarm clear in their postures and faces. Each of them asked a rapid onslaught of questions before she held her hands up.

“I am fine. I was saved, and he retreated,” she reassured them quickly. “Just as I have protected others, Hydaelyn sent someone to do the same for me.”

“Him, I presume?” the Exarch looked at me, eyes widening slightly before his expression hardened. “A temporary visit, it would seem.”

When the hero looked back at me, I could already see the particles of Light that made up my body begin to fill the air. I forced a small smile, despite the anger that pooled in my stomach that my time was so short, that Hydaelyn had not deemed to give me more.

She quickly made her way back to me, color draining from her face as the small orbs began to float around my body. Lifting her hands, she hesitated to touch me, worried, perhaps, that I would vanish instantly.

“I am relieved I managed to spare you such a fate, my love,” I said, finally speaking for the first time since my arrival. Her eyes widened at my voice, realization setting in. “But my time has run out.”

“No,” she breathed, her hands flying to my hood, tearing it down to reveal my hair. In the next moment, she gripped the sides of my plain white mask, tossing it aside as her lips trembled, tears welling up in her eyes immediately as she beheld me. “Is… is this some kind of sick joke?

“I’m afraid not,” I replied, reaching my hand to cup the side of her face. Immediately, she placed her hand atop mine, leaning into my touch as the other gripped the fabric of my robe.

“No, you can’t,” she sobbed, her tears spilling from her eyes. “You can’t leave me again. How are you- Why are you-” 

“I was only granted leave to protect you,” I explained, placing my other hand on her shoulder. “With Elidibus gone, for now, I am being pulled back-”

“No, you- you _can’t_ ,” she repeated, shaking her head as she threw her arms around me. Sobs wracked her entire body as she gripped me tighter, as if the strength of her embrace would prevent my body from disappearing as it was returned to the Lifestream. 

“Shhh,” I shushed her, pulling back slightly when I could no longer feel the warmth of her arms around me, pressing my lips to her forehead. They ghosted upon the surface of her skin, and I was unsure if I genuinely felt her or not, my perception of the world beginning to wane as I faded. “It’ll be alright, my dear Warrior of Light.”

“Hades, you _can’t_ ,” she pleaded, the tears streaming down her cheeks and onto her armor. “Please, don’t go. Not again.”

“Just know that I’m watching over you,” I whispered, bringing my hands up to catch her tears, though they were quickly replaced when my hands began to fade. “And I’ll always keep you safe.”

Her eyes widened as my body began to shine, breaking up into small orbs of Light that slipped through her fingers when she reached for them.

“I love you,” I said, smiling at her despite the ache in my heart, despite the tears that spilled down my own cheeks and fell from my chin. “I’ll always be with you. I love you.”

And with my next exhale, my vision faded, the room Hydaelyn had created for me appearing before me not a moment later.

I found Her watching the scene play out, waving Her hand in time for me to see the Warrior of Light collapsed to her knees as her friends rapidly rushed to her side before the image went dark.

“Your devotion to her has been made clear,” Hydaelyn said softly. “And hers to you.”

After a moment, She sighed. “Very well. I cannot bear to cause her such pain any longer. I will restore you to her. Unsundered, and unbound. You are correct that having a soul such as yours on my side would prove beneficial. I would make use of your strength.”

I could feel my entire body tense Her words, disbelief coursing through my every muscle. Had I heard Her-

“On one condition,” She continued, examining me from head to toe. “It will not be a _true_ tempering, but if you even _consider_ answering Zodiark’s call, you will immediately be torn from her, never to see her again. I will not take such a betrayal lightly.”

I nodded slowly as I considered Her terms. “Then… her soul will never be whole,” I realized, lips turning down into a frown. “If you refuse that which Zodiark wishes to accomplish.”

She shook Her head. “Destroy the heart, and remove the threat. Then you may search for a way to Rejoin the star, without bloodshed.”

“And the Blessing of Light? To prevent another from claiming either of our souls?”

With my question, She placed one hand upon the gemstone atop Her chest, its bright blue glow filling the area around us. “I will protect you directly, and upon your reunion with her, you will give her this. It will join with the other crystals she has been blessed with and restore the divine protection I had once offered her.”

As She lifted the chain from around Her neck, the bright blue pendant swinging in the air between us as She extended Her arm, I could feel the tension bleed from my limbs.

“I will return you to the First, then. In the Tempest.”

“Why not just allow me to appear before her? At the Crystarium?”

“I could,” She mused. “But then... how do you intend to help her, if you are too weak to stand?”

I furrowed my brow with confusion, watching as Her expression shifted, Her musical laughter filling the space all around us as Her human form began to fade.

“When I restore you, you will be as you were before your death,” She explained. “The power you wielded moments ago was a fragment of my own, and I cannot afford to be parted with it permanently.”

“I had depleted nearly all of my aether,” I murmured with a frown. “I would be of no use to her.”

“Ah, but I will leave you in a place abundant in aether,” Hydaelyn said from all around me, a smile evident in Her voice. “‘Twould be as good a place as any, to recover from your battle.”

Before I could respond, my vision went black. 

And when I next opened my eyes, I was staring up at a familiar white mask.

“How good of you to rejoin the realm of the living, Hades.”

I groaned in response, trying to shift my arms to bring myself to sit. To no avail. I clicked my tongue. 

Hythlodaeus’ shade tilted his head. 

“It seems you are in need of my assistance,” he nearly sang. “This certainly does bring back memories.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes, my entire body aching with the motion. I watched as he brought his hand to his chin, tapping his lips thoughtfully.

“Although, you were so peeved with me that you left me to struggle,” he murmured, tilting his head. “Though I suppose two wrongs do not make a right.”

Before I could respond, the shade was kneeling beside me, using one of his large hands to lift me from the ground gently. 

“You do not seem surprised to see me,” I rasped as he cradled me in the crook of his elbow. 

“I am,” he replied happily. “But mostly that you were restored to such a small vessel. To match Azem, I suppose.”

I hummed, my body still unable to move. “But you knew I would return?”

“When your aether did not begin to fade upon your death, I suspected something might be afoot. And then more time passed, and nothing changed… so my suspicions were confirmed. Something was anchoring your aether here,” he explained. “Or someone, I suppose.”

I sighed. “Hydaelyn decided to allow me to return. She has given me a reason, a task to fulfill, but Her true intention remains to be seen.”

“You do not appear to be Sundered, and your soul does not appear muddled as it was when you were claimed by Zodiark. Though it is markedly brighter.”

Relief flooded me when Hythlodaeus confirmed the state of my soul, that so far Hydaelyn had spoken the truth. I nodded. 

“What do you need from me, then?” the shade asked, coming to a stop outside the Bureau of the Architect. 

We set to work then, deciding which parts of the city I had traversed the least, which sections of the recreation I felt the least pained to reabsorb. And upon creating a list of them, Hythlodaeus and I would spend our days going to each one, allowing me to take in the vast aether I had used to fabricate the recreation.

Most of the perimeter of the city was gone within the first few days of my resurrection, the far edges of the skyline fading slightly. I could not bear to _completely_ absorb the structures, and so… I opted to leave a translucent remnant of the buildings that were no longer functional.

Soon, I was able to walk again, albeit slowly. Though I could not yet create a portal to travel long distances, I could at least move between parts of the city, though with moderate difficulty. I found such actions were incredibly taxing, and would save them only for when I had grown too tired of my meandering through the streets and needed to retire for the evening.

At which point, he and I would watch the Warrior of Light through the mirror I had created in the library. 

One day, in the corner of the projected image, I caught a glimpse of a wide-beaked bird, its gaze intense as it focused in on the Warrior of Light. I arched a brow at it, narrowing my eyes at the image, trying to discern the bird’s nature. 

It was clearly a familiar, and though the Warrior of Light had not noticed it yet, it was only a matter of time before she did. I sighed, glancing at Hythlodaeus.

“Curious bird,” I commented. 

“Indeed,” the shade replied, a little too casually for my liking. “Ghastly thing.”

I hummed, watching as the Warrior of Light retired for the evening, the shoebill yet unnoticed. With a snap of my fingers, the image cleared. 

“It’s cruel,” I said then. “It will remind her of me.”

“Maybe,” he mused with a shrug. “Maybe not.”

We spent the next few days similarly, though it had become evident that the hero noticed the shoebill on her windowsill on the second day. 

She shook her head when she saw it, reaching out to swat at it before closing the window and drawing shut the blinds. 

The next day, it awaited her perched atop the back of a chair, feathers ruffled as it slept. She sighed, her eyes drifting to the shut window. 

“How in the seven hells did you manage to get in here?”

It looked at her with its intense gaze, unwaveringly. 

“Just my luck, I suppose,” she muttered. “A shoebill of all creatures to take a liking to me.”

With a slump of her shoulders, she walked over to the window, opening them up again before she placed a bowl of water out on the sill. 

“If you get thirsty,” she said to it, before leaving her room again to meet with the Scions to continue their plans to leave the shard.

It was clear from their conversations that time was of the essence for them, that their bodies would not handle being separated from their souls for much longer. And as they drew closer to a solution that had been delayed by Elidibus’ disappearance, I found a knot building in my stomach.

If she left the shard, I would have no way of informing her of my return. It was clear she could still travel between the two, but save for making sure she stayed ahead of Elidibus, they reached a consensus that her presence on the Source was the priority. Stopping Garlemald for _now_ made more sense. It was a clear target since Black Rose was meant to be the catalyst. 

She would be on the Source indefinitely until the Exarch or Feo Ul informed her of any whispers of Ascian movement. 

The next day, she sat on the chair we had pulled beside the window, a loaf of bread in her hand. Slowly, she tore a small piece off, reaching out to offer it to the shoebill as she stared idly out the window.

“I feel like… everyone else has forgotten,” she said to it, tearing another piece off. “Is it unfair of me to be mad? I don’t… want to leave here.”

She curled up into a ball, reaching for the blanket draped on the back of the chair to wrap it around herself. 

“All my memories of him are here,” she whispered, bringing her knees to her chest. “And all anyone wants to do is leave.”

Over the coming days, her moods were volatile. One day she confided in the shoebill, allowing us a glimpse into her pain, and the next she would lash out. Saying it only reminded her of me, that it made it hard to heal. She would fall into her seat by the window, asking it to please leave her alone.

Finally, one night, when she came into her room after they had all but confirmed their plan to return to the Source would work, she was at her wit’s end. She took one look at the shoebill that was perched on the table and groaned, throwing her hands up with her frustration.

“Why are you _tormenting_ me?!” she shouted, stomping up to it before she shooed it away, only to have it land on the railing outside her window. “What do you _want_ from me?!”

She wilted onto the ground then, burying her face into her hands as she was overcome with sobs.

“Hythlodaeus,” I murmured, looking at the shade at my side, raising my hand to snap. “Tomorrow, you will not place your familiar in her room. Enough is enough.”

With the click of my fingers, the image went dark. 

“Alright,” my old friend whispered. “I was just trying to-”

I turned away from the large mirror, walking toward the exit of the room with a heavy sigh.

“I know,” I interjected, looking over my shoulder at him. “I know you just wanted to find a way to bring her here, since I will require so much time to absorb the aether stored within the city and am not yet strong enough to communicate on my own. I know you wanted to ensure that I am not left behind.”

“But they will attempt to leave within the coming days. We need to _tell_ her-”

“Hythlodaeus,” I said harshly, cutting him off as I looked back toward the hallway. “I will not upset her any longer.”

When I awoke the next morning, I nearly had to drag myself from the bed. My stomach sank at the realization that the Scions and the Warrior of Light would try to leave the next morning, that my time had run out and I was nowhere near strong enough to portal to her side.

I did not even know if I _could_ traverse such a distance, being drained as I was just moving throughout the city. Of course, I knew that with the sheer volume of aether that I once housed, it would take me several weeks to recover to the point where I could have a semblance of normalcy.

And yet… despite my rationalization, I was angry. Frustrated that I held so many emotional attachments to the recreation now that I hesitated to simply make quick work of it. 

As quickly as I could, at least. Too much, too quickly, and I would be no better than the Warrior of Light had been, despite it being my _own_ aether that I was repurposing and reabsorbing. For some reason, freed of Zodiark’s bindings, it seemed my aether’s properties changed just slightly. But it was enough to require an adjustment period between reabsorptions.

Nevermind the fact that my vessel was seemingly my own, binding my soul within it, needing sustenance in ways I had not needed for several thousands of years. 

When Hythlodaeus met me outside of my apartment, he perceived my mood’s sour nature, opting not to make small talk and leave me to my thoughts. When we arrived at the perimeter of the city, I sighed, taking a look around.

I shook my head. “Not here,” I muttered. “This… courtyard holds memories for me.”

Hythlodaeus hummed thoughtfully. “We’ve worked from the outside of the city already, my friend. All other quadrants you’ve ruled to be too important as well. I’m afraid we’ve come to the moment you’ve dreaded.”

I frowned, crossing my arms over my chest. “I can restore it once I’ve… recovered sufficiently,” I said quietly before dragging a hand down my face with a nod. “Alright.”

Holding my arm out, I slowly began to reach for the aether, pulling it apart and molding it into motes of energy to be more readily absorbed. It was tedious work, but manipulating the aether in this way made it easier to accept.

Midway through my deconstruction, I could hear rapid footsteps echoing through the streets nearby. I paused, looking over my shoulder to see Hythlodaeus turning around toward the source of the commotion.

“Hyth-” 

I stilled, the one voice I had not expected to hear reaching me, broken up by heavy breaths and sobs. My breath was knocked out of me, and I lowered my hand, turning entirely and taking a step toward Hythlodaeus’ turned back. 

I felt my mouth go dry, words unable to be formed as I heard him greet her cheerfully before taking slow steps toward her. How had she known to-

“The city-” she sobbed, burying her face into his robes. “It’s- it’s disappearing and-”

“There’s a good reason for that, my new-”

“It means he’s really gone, doesn’t it?” she cut him off, her raised voice showing the extent of her heartbreak. “That _stupid_ shoebill! I followed it and-”

Hythlodaeus chuckled, kneeling before her, holding her gently by her shoulders. 

“Calm down,” he said softly. “Listen to me.”

“I can’t! I can’t calm down. I just lost him, and you’re the only one who-” I watched from a small window over his shoulder as she raised her hands to cover her face, shaking her head quickly. “I thought I’d be able to come back to see you, but if the city is vanishing then _you’ll_ vanish and-”

“Oh, come now,” he chided playfully. “I don’t think Hades would reabsorb _me_.”

“I- What…?” Her eyes widened. She lowered her hands, one of them splayed over her heart.

“Would you, my friend?” He looked over his shoulder at me, leaning away to allow her a clear view of me, having previously obstructed it.

Her lips parted, eyes widening further before she exhaled a sharp breath, her knees appearing to buckle.

“Careful now,” Hythlodaeus whispered, holding her up to steady her. “I’ve enough on my plate, nursing him to health.”

“Are you… real?” she breathed, her hand covering her mouth as tears filled her eyes and spilled forth, sliding down her cheeks. “Are you-”

I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat, nodding slowly. 

Hythlodaeus released her then, standing and moving aside before placing a hand on her back and nudging her forward.

“I’m afraid he’s quite a ways from a full recovery,” he said quietly. “It’ll be best if you do the running. I’ll… excuse myself.”

Before I could process his words, he vanished, and not a second later, the Warrior of Light launched herself forward. She threw her arms around me with such force that I stumbled backward two steps before I could recover my balance.

“You- You won’t vanish again, will you?” Her eyes searched my face as I looked down at her, a corner of my lips pulling upward with a small shake of my head.

“No, I won’t vanish again.” 

“You’re _really_ here? I’m not- it’s not a dream?” Her face crumpled as she took in my expression.

“I am,” I confirmed, my voice cracking as I reached my soul toward hers slowly to show her, gently caressing it with mine to prove to her that I was _real_ and _here_. Her breath caught in her throat before she, too, reached out to meet me.

Unencumbered sobs slipped from her as she buried her face into my robes, clutching the fabric within tight fists at my back. I raised a hand to cradle the back of her head, the other wrapping around her waist. With each passing moment, I tightening my hold on her, pulling her as close to me as I possibly could. 

To hold her in my arms again, to be able to feel her soul so close to mine when I thought I would spend an eternity only able to watch her from afar… To feel her soul, repaired and strong, to be able to wrap mine around hers without fear of shattering it… 

Tears welled up in my eyes, and I turned my head to press my cheek against the top of her head, my hand sliding down to rub up and down her back.

“I’m here,” I whispered, my own breathing growing unsteady, remembering the last time I held her before my death. “I love you.”

She shook her head quickly into my robes, the pair of us sinking down to the ground as we clutched each other desperately. I sat upon the ground, pulling her into my lap, holding tightly to my chest, burying my face into her shoulder as my tears flowed into the material of her armor. 

“I love you,” I repeated, again and again, each utterance of my affections making her sobs increase in volume until finally, she shifted. Her hands were in fists against my chest as she pounded them against me gently, her head tucked under my chin.

“You-” she started, hitting me again and again, pulling her head back to search my face. “I _hate_ you.”

I moved a hand to wipe away the tears that slid down her cheeks, a breath of a laugh escaping me.

“Oh, is that right?” I asked, unable to contain the smile that spread across my lips at her blatant lie.

“Yes!” she replied emphatically with a sharp nod, her voice cracking as her bottom lip trembled. “You said such _horrible_ things to me and I-”

“I’m sorry,” I interjected, my expression falling quickly, exhaling sharply. 

I thought back to the moments leading up to our final confrontation. The terrible lies I fed her, the way her heart broke with each word. How I wished I could take them back now. How I wished I had never said them, that she would never have such a memory.

“It was the only way,” I continued, my voice unsteady as I swallowed heavily, trying to push back my own tears, hoping she understood that I would never say those things otherwise. That I did not mean any of them. “I’m so sorry, my love.”

She shook her head, burying her face into my shoulder as she was overcome once more. I shushed her, turning my head to press my lips to her temple. My shoulders shook with silent tears that flowed unbidden at the raw emotion I could feel with each sob, relief mingling with the remnants of her grief. Disbelief. Desperation.

“It’s alright now, my love,” I whispered, shifting us slightly to allow me to pull her back, my eyes roaming her face. “It’s alright.”

She searched my expression, likely taking in the trails my tears had left upon my cheeks, biting her bottom lip to try to stave off another round of emotion before she exhaled a deep, shuddering breath.

“I missed you,” she breathed, her chin trembling slightly. I lifted a hand to grip it, forcing it to still.

“I thought you hated me?” I whispered, leaning in to press my forehead to hers. She raised her trembling hands to place them on either side of my face.

“I do,” she whimpered in response, tilting her chin up to catch my lips with hers, tears flowing anew from the two of us. “You’re the absolute worst.”

I chuckled against her lips, nodding slightly before I pressed my mouth to hers firmly.

I was not sure how long the two of us spent soaking in each other’s company, whispering our affections for each other through kisses made salty with our tears, but eventually, I peered up at the surface of the water above us.

“It’s getting late,” I observed, the darkness of the currents above us making the cityscape around us all the more radiant. “You should return to the Crystarium. I’ll stay here and continue to recover until I can-”

“ _We_ will return to the Crystarium,” she muttered, unwinding herself from my embrace to bring herself to a stand, offering her hand to me. “We’ll find a way to help you recover without forcing you to reabsorb the city.”

I raised a brow at her tone, watching as she matched my expression. With a sigh and a shake of my head, I accepted her hand.

After a hasty farewell to Hythlodaeus, she quickly recruited the aid of the king of the Fae, and we soon found ourselves on the shore of Lakeland, the shining beacon of the Crystal Tower illuminating the horizon. She brought her fingers to her lips, calling to her side a large chocobo that she quickly climbed atop of.

I pursed my lips, narrowing my eyes at her trusty steed. “I… think-”

“You’re in no position to be _picky_ , Hades,” she said with exasperation. “Get on or walk back.”

My lips immediately turned up into a smile at the sound of my name from her lips and I sighed dramatically before begrudgingly sliding into the saddle behind her. 

Along the way, I explained to her the entirety of what had transpired in the Lifestream, lifting the pendant that Hydaelyn had entrusted me with from around my neck to offer it to her. 

She eyed it warily before slipping it into her pocket, vowing to put it on once we were safely in our room, her concern for me evident as I grew more obviously exhausted the longer we traveled.

And when we crossed through the gateway of the Crystarium, we were spotted by the Exarch’s captain of the guard. She signaled one of her men who promptly blew into a horn, before coming to greet us at the gate.

After convincing her of my sincerity, vouching emphatically on my behalf, the Warrior of Light twined her fingers with mine and tugged me in the direction of the Crystal Tower.

As we crossed the plaza, we could see the doors fly open, her friends rushing down the stairs to greet her, relief palpable on their faces as they took in her form, clearly unharmed.

“You should have _said_ something,” Alisaie reprimanded harshly, crossing her arms over her chest. “We were worried _sick_.”

Her gaze slid behind the Warrior of Light to land on me as the hero released my hand and stepped aside, gesturing at me and opening her mouth to explain when the twin groaned, rolling her eyes.

“Ugh, I have _had_ it with these mysterious figures in robes,” she muttered, bringing her hands to her hips and tapping her foot impatiently. “Who might you be? Not another Ascian, I hope, or I swear I’ll-”

Looking back at me with wide eyes, the hero nodded her head in their direction. _Go on_ , she mouthed.

With a sigh and a shake of my head, I bowed at the waist as I had all those months ago.

“Hades,” I said, grinning as the twin’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped. “A Warrior of Light.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally here. The end of _Equilibration _. I'm pretty emotional posting this, tbh, because it's been a wild ride. We're so grateful to everyone who has read this story, kudos'd, commented. Everything! The support is so appreciated and we're so happy to know that you all have enjoyed this journey as much as we have.__
> 
> _  
> _We do have other things planned, but they probably won't be posted for a long time (collaborative things, at least. One shots will certainly continue to be posted here and there). It has been an absolute honor to write yet another adventure with Eliniel. I love you, girl._  
> _


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